THE  GIFT  OF 

MAY  TREAT  MORRISON 

IN  MEMORY  OF 

ALEXANDER  F  MORRISON 


WOMANKIND. 


BY 

CHAELOTTE  MAEY  YONGE. 


SECOND    EDITION, 


NEW  YORK 

MACMILLAI^  AND  CO., 

1890. 


HQ 


^. 


to   THE    DEAB   MEMOElEa 
OF 

F.  M.  Y.— a.  T.— C.  K 

AND    TO    OTHER    INFLUENCES    AND    EXAMPLES 

THAT    CANNOT    BE    NAMED    AS   THEY    ARE   8TILI.   WITH    US, 

THESE   THOUGHTS   ON    WOMEN    ABB 


434435 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER   I. 

f-AOl 

woman's  status     •••.a»*»i«l 


CHAPTER  II. 

NUESERT  TEAININO  •...••.••8 

CHAPTER  III. 

EAKLY  EELIGIOUS  TEAININO  .  .  .  ,  .  .  ,14 

CHAPTER  IV. 

yiETUES  AKD   FAULTS  OF  CHILDHOOB       .,,.,,        19 

CHAPTER  V. 

HOME,   SCHOOL,   OE  G0VEENES3         ...,,.,        29 

CHAPTER  VI. 

LESSONS  •••...••••.88 

CHAPTER  VII. 
cui/nmE       ••••..••.•.60 


VI  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

,  TAGK 

CniLDEEN  S  PLEASURES    ,, 5(5 

CHAPTER  IX. 

THE  TEENS       ••...,.,,,,67 

CHAPTER  X. 

RELIGION  • ...yS 

CHAPTER  XL  | 

YOUNG-LADTHOOD ••»,,80 

CHAPTER  XIL 

CHARITY •  •,,,85 

CHAPTER  XIII. 

SUNDAY-SCHOOL       ••••••«  ,i,        90 

CHAPTER  XIV. 

REFINEMENT  AND  FINELY       ••••,,,,99 

CHAPTER  XV. 

DKES3 •  •  .  .  •     108 

CHAPTER  XYI. 

AMUSEMENT    ,, •••i     119 

CHAPTER  XVII. 

PARENTS  AI^D   CHILDREN  .  •••••••      128 


CONTENTS,  Vll 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

PAGE 

BROTHERS  AND  SISTCrvS ••■      135 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

FRIENDSniF     .• •.•l'!o 

CHAPTER  XX. 

TOUrn  A^'D   MAIDEN 1-2 

CHAPTER  XXI. 
counTsniP •       •    ^^^ 

CHAPTER  XXII. 
■\VIVE3     .         •         •         •  .  •  •  •         •  •  •  •!" 

CHAPTER  XXIII. 
MisTUESS  AND  serva::t ^^^ 

CHAPTER  XXIV. 

SPIRITUAL  DIRECTION       ......•••      202 

CHAPTER  XXV. 

VIEWS  AND   OPINIONS •  .211 

CHAPTER  XXVI. 

MONEY-MAKING         «. •••      222 

CHAPTER  XXVII. 

STEONG-MINDED  WOMEN  .  .  •  .  •  •  •  •     231 


VUl  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  XXVIII. 

PAO» 

TJNDEBDOINO  AND  OVEKDOINO  ...».••     240 

CHAPTER  XXIX. 

HEALTH  ••«••...  .••,      252 

CHAPTER  XXX. 
HOMB      •..«.. 2G4 

CHAPTER  XXXI. 

THE  WOELD »••      274 

CHAPTER  XXXII. 
AUTnOlllTy      ce**.         ••,..•     £84 

CHAPTER  XXXIII, 
eoREOW  •• ,..,    298 

CHAPTER  XXXir, 

GOING  IK .#•••      S12 

CHAPTER  XXXV. 
OLD  AOE $22 


WOMANKIND. 


CHAPTER  T. 

\eOMAN'S   STATUS. 


A  WOJTAW  can  hardly  arrive  at  middle  age  without  having 
thought  over  some  of  the  duties  and  opportunities  placed  in  the 
hands  of  her  sex.  To  ihinlc.  is  in  the  present  day  almost  equi- 
valent with  to  express ;  and  it  is  in  the  hope  that  the  expression 
of  some  of  my  thoughts  may  he  in  some  degree  an  assistance 
to  a  few  readers,  that  I  venture  to  throw  a  fresh  contrihution 
into  the  seething  cauldron  of  sayings  and  opinions  with  which 
we  are  regaled  in  the  present  day. 

Not  that  I  have  anything  new  to  say — only  that  which  is  so 
old  that  it  may  seem  new.  I  have  no  hesitation  in  declaring  my 
full  helief  in  the  inferiority  of  woman,  nor  that  she  hrought  it 
upon  herself. 

I  "believe — ^as  entirely  as  any  other  truth  which  has  been 
from  the  beginning — that  woman  was  created  as  a  help  meet  to 
man.  How  far  she  was  then  on  an  equality  with  him,  no  one 
can  pretend  to  guess ;  hut  when  the  test  came,  whether  the 
two  human  beings  would  pay  allegiance  to  God  or  to  the 
Tempter,  it  was  the  woman  who  was  the  first  to  flxil,  and  to 
draw  her  husband  into  the  same  tranr.gression.  Thence  her 
punishment  of  physical  weakness  and  subordination,  mitigated 

B 


2  WOMANKIND. 

by  the  promise  that  she  should  be  the  means  of  bringing 
the  Redeemer  to  renovate  the  world,  and  break  the  dominion 
of  Satan. 

That  there  is  this ',iiTrequality'fhj3j'6  .'is;  no  reasonable  doubt. 
A  woman  of  the  highest  faculties  Is'  of  Course  superior  to  a  man 
of  the  lowest  : -hut.  shr?  never  .attsin's  to';  anything  like  the 
powers  of  a  man  of  the  highest '  ability".  There  is  a  diffi 
culty,  however,  in  generalizing ;  because,  owing  to  difference 
of  climate,  habit,  and  constitution,  there  is  less  inequahty 
between  the  sexos  in  some  races  than  there  is  in  others. 
The  Roman  woman  was  superior  to  the  Greek,  the  woman 
of  the  West  to  her  of  the  East;  and  there  is  far  less  dis- 
proportion between  the  negro  and  negress  than  between  the 
coolie  and  his  wife. 

Savage  life  renders  the  woman  the  slave.  The  man,  having 
to  the  full  the  animal  instincts  of  pugnacity  and  indolence,  puts 
all  that  is  toilsome  upon  her,  multiplies  wives  in  order  that  he 
may  have  more  obedient  hewers  of  wood  and  drawers  of  water, 
and,  as  all  other  male  animals  are  the  handsomer,  he  lavishes  all 
adornments  on  himself. 

Perhaps  the  very  first  stage  from  savagery  to  civilization  is 
marked  by  the  preponderance  of  ornament  on  the  female  side. 
As  soon  as  woman  ceases  to  be  the  mere  squaw,  adornment  is 
viewed  as  primarily  her  due.  Her  condition,  where  there  is 
civilization  without  Christianity,  is  extremely  variablp,  and 
chiefly  dependent  on  the  national  character ;  and  everywhere,  in 
the  very  lowest  classes,  there  is  the  tendency  to  bring  her  to  the 
equaw  level.  In  the  upper  ranks,  and  among  classes  faiily  at 
ease,  the  usual  tendency  has  been  to  regard  the  splendour  and 
indolence  of  the  chief  wife  as  testimonials  to  the  wealth  and 
grandeur  of  her  lord  and  master.  Thus,  African  chieftainesses 
are  fattened  on  milk  like  pigs  for  a  cattle-show ;  Chinese  ladies 
cultivate  unserviceable  fingers  atid  toes ;  and  Persian  princesses 
of  old  deemed  the  loom  degradation.  Seclusion  has  in  these 
cases  a  good  deal  depended  on  the  trustworthiness  and  under- 
standing of  the  women,      Burmese    women,   who   are   of  fair 


WOMAN  S   STATUS.  3 

average  capacity,  are  not  iramured,  while  Hindoo  and  Chinese 
ladies  are ;  and  before  Mahometan  ism  had  made  the  Arabian 
fashion  universal,  the  Persian  laiies  do  not  appear  to  have  been 
inmates  of  harems  ;  while  European  women  always  went  at 
large,  though  with  less  liberty  in  Greece  than  among  the  Eomans 
and  more  northerly  nations. 

The  state  of  the  Jewish  women  seems  to  have  varied. 
Orientalism  and  imitation  of  the  nations  around  lowered  them 
at  times,  but  the  purity  of  the  standard  of  faith  on  the  other 
hand  uplifted  them.  And  in  order  that  Holy  Scripture  might 
be  truly  universal,  no  maxims  enforcing  undue  subjection  have 
there  received  the  seal  of  inspiration,  so  as  to  become  permanent, 
even  though  the  difference  between  the  Eastern  and  Western 
minds  may  be  traced  every  time  an  English  child  is  taught  to 
say  the  Tenth  Commandment,  when  it  is  sure  to  try  to  forbid 
coveting  the  wife  before  coveting  the  house. 

It  was  from  these  people  of  Judah  that  the  most  beautiful 
image  of  dignified  and  perfect  womanhood  prore'^ded.  "The 
words  of  King  Lemuel,  which  his  mother  taught  him,"  though 
seasoned  with  the  salt  of  Inspiration,  are  clearly  a  contem- 
porary picture,  typical  as  well  as  applicable  to  all  ages ;  and  the 
nation  that  produced  a  Hannah,  an  Abigail,  and  a  Shunammite, 
might  well  be  able  to  conceive  such  a  being  as  the  virtuous 
woman. 

One  of  the  very  remarkable  points  in  the  history  of  woman  and 
her  position  is  the  absence  of  any  account  of  how  polygamy  came 
to  be  aboHshed,  and  of  any  direct  precept  on  the  subject. 

The  words  of  our  Lord  applying  to  divorce  plainly  direct  us 
to  understand  that  "in  the  beginning,"  when  Adam's  prophetic 
command  was  given  that  "a  man  should  leave  his  father  and 
mother,  and  cleave  unto  his  wife,  and  they  twain  should  be  one 
flesh,"  a  single  wife  was  implied,  and  that  a  plurality  was 
subsequently  only  permitted  "because  of  the  hardness  of  their 
hearts  ; "  while  every  possible  precaution  was  tat  en  for  humanity 
and  consideration  towards  the  inferior  wives.  The  desire  to 
rival  other  kings  in  the  multitude  of  female  attendants  seems  to 

fi  2 


4  WOMANKIND. 

have  plunged  even  the  hest  of  the  sovereigns  of  Israel  intc 
the  harem  system,  which  was  directly  contrary  to  the  Law ;  and 
op  to  the  Bahylonish  Captivity  ordinary  Eastern  hahits 
prevailed. 

But  in  the  New  Testament,  the  duty  of  monogamy  is  estab- 
lished, and  taken  for  granted  from  the  first.  IIow  was  thisi 
Had  the  Jews  learnt  it  from  theii  licentious  Greek  and  Roman 
masters  1  In  some  degree  perhaps  they  had,  for  the  Roman  had 
a  much  higher  standard  of  domestic  virtue  originally  than 
"what  he  practised;  hut  it  seems  more  likely  that  the  great 
reformation  under  Ezra  and  his  followers,  which  cleared  away 
idolatry  for  ever,  and  made  the  Jews  exact  observers  of  the  Law 
of  Moses,  really  purified  and  elevated  them  so  much,  that  the 
plurality  of  wives  came  to  fall  into  entire  disuse  and  disrepute — 
this  being  no  doubt  assisted  by  contact  with  European  civiliza- 
tion, even  in  its  corrupted  state. 

The  position  of  woman  was  at  once  recognised  in  Gospel 
teaching.  The  Blessing  conferred  upon  the  holy  Mother  of  our 
Lord  became  the  antidote  to  the  punishment  of  Eve's  transgres- 
sion; and  in  proportion  to  the  fuU  reception  of  the  spirit  of 
Christianity  has  woman  thenceforth  been  elevated  to  her  rightful 
pooition  as  the  help-meet. 

There,  however,  comes  in  the  woman's  question  of  the  day — 
Is  she  meant  to  be  nothing  but  the  help-meet]  If  by  this  is 
meant  the  wife,  or  even  the  sister  or  daughter,  attached  to  tho 
aid  of  some  particular  man,  I  do  not  think  she  is.  It  is  her 
most  natural,  most  obvious,  most  easy  destiny  ;  but  one  of  the 
greatest  incidental  benefits  that  Christianity  brought  the  whole 
sex  was  that  of  rendering  marriage  no  longer  the  only  lot  of  all, 
and  thus  making  both  the  wife  and  the  maiden  stand  on  higher 
ground. 

"  Thy  desire  shall  be  to  thy  husband,  and  he  shall  rule  over 
thee,"  had  been  said  to  Eve.  "Without  a  husband  the  woman 
had  hitherto  been  absolutely  nothing.  Wife,  mother,  or  slave, 
were  her  sole  vocations ;  and  if  her  numbers  became  super- 
fluous, polygamy  and  female  infanticide  were  the  alternatives. 


WOMAN  8   STATUS. 


But  the  Church  did  away  with  this  state  of  things.  Wife- 
hood was  dignified  by  becoming  a  faiut  type  or  shadow  of  the 
Union  of  the  Church  with  her  Lord.  Motherhood  was  ennobled 
by  the  Birth  that  saves  the  world ;  and  Maidenhood  acquired  a 
glory  it  hail  never  had  before,  and  which  taught  the  unmarried 
to  regard  themselves,  not  as  beings  who  had  failed  in  the  pur- 
pose of  their  existence,  but  as  pure  creatures,  free  to  devote 
themstlves  to  the  service  of  their  Lord ;  for  if  His  Birth  had 
consecrated  maternity,  it  had  also  consecrated  virginity. 

The  dim  idea  of  pure  dedicated  creatures  had,  in  the  ancient 
dajs  of  Kome,  suggested  the  order  of  Vestal  Virgins.  Rome 
had  grown  so  corrupt,  that  it  was  almost  impossible  to  keep  up 
even  the  small  nuuaber  of  these  priestesses;  but  there  was 
enough  of  the  idea  latent  in  the  minds  of  the  nation  to  make 
the  consecration  of  Christian  purity  congenial ;  and  the  high 
Roman  courage,  now  refined,  soon  produced  its  whole  army  of 
brave  Virgin  Martyrs,  Then  it  became  understood  that  woman 
might  look  to  no  earthly  lord,  but  might  turn  all  her  yearnings 
for  love  and  protection  to  Him  who  has  become  the  Son  of 
INIan,  "  her  celestial  Spouse  and  King,"  and  that  her  freedom 
from  other  ties  enabled  her  to  devote  herself  whoUy  to  Him. 
And  how  1  Not  only  by  direct  contemplation  and  devotion,  but 
"Inasmuch  as  ye  have  done  it  to  one  of  the  least  of  these,  ye 
have  done  it  unto  Me." 

So  hegan  the  vocation  of  the  dedicated  Virgin,  the  Deaconess, 
the  Nun.  The  life  in  community  became  needful  when  no 
security  could  he  had  save  in  a  fortress ;  and  this,  together  with 
the  absolute  need  of  the  feminine  nature  for  discipline  and 
obedience,  led  to  the  monastic  life  being,  with  rare  exceptions, 
the  only  choice  of  the  unwedded  throughout  the  middle  ages ; 
but  this  safe  and  honoiu-able  refuge  for  the  single  daughters 
of  families  did,  to  take  it  on  the  very  lowest  grounds,  much 
to  enhance  the  estimation  in  which  their  secular  sisteiB 
were  held. 

It  is  not,  however,  my  purpose  here  to  dwell  on  monasticism. 
All  I  want  to  do  is  to  define  what  I  believe  to  be  the  safe  and 


^ 


6  \70MA\KINU. 

truo  a=ppct  in  which  woman  ought  to  regard  herself — namcl}', 
as  the  helpmeet  of  man  ;  not  necessarily  of  any  individual  man, 
but  of  the  whole  Body  whom  Christ  our  Lord  has  left  to  h« 
waited  on  as  Hitnseli  He  is  her  Lord,  lie  will  find  her  work 
to  do  for  II im.  It  may  be  that  it  will  lie  in  the  ordinary 
course  of  nature.  It  is  almost  certain  that  she  will  begin  as 
help-meet  to  her  father  or  brothers;  and  to  many,  there  comts 
the  Divinely-ordained  estate  of  marriag*^,  and  the  duties  and 
blessings  it  entails,  all  sanctified  thiough  Him.  It  may  be, 
again,  that  her  lot  is  attendance  on  a  parent — ptili  a  work 
of  ministry  especially  blest  by  Him  ;  and  so  with  all  those 
obvious  family  claims  that  Providence  marks  out  by  the 
mere  fact  of  there  being  no  one  else  to  undertake  them.  And 
for  those  who  are  without  such  calls,  or  from  whom  their  tasks 
have  fallen  away,  what  is  there  left?  Nay,  not  left  as  a  remnant, 
for  He  has  been  there  through  all.  Their  Lord  is  ready  for  their 
direct,  complete,  uneclipsed  service  in  whatever  branch  seems 
their  vocation.  His  Church  is  the  visibly  prtsent  Mother  to 
guide  them ;  and  as  daughters  of  the  Chmch  their  place  and 
occupation  is  found. 

Previously  they  had  no  status,  except  as  appendages  to  some 
individual  man.  Now,  as  members  of  one  great  Body,  each  has 
her  place  and  office,  whether  domestic  or  in  some  special  outer 
field.  And  in  proportion  as  this  is  recognised,  the  single  woman 
ceases  to  be  manquee,  and  enjoys  honour  and  happiness. 

The  change  makes  less  visible  difl^erence  to  the  married 
woman;  because,  by  the  orlgiial  Divine  ordinance,  her  husband 
has  always  been  so  much  her  lord  that  her  duty  to  him  becomes 
a  sort  of  religion,  and  her  cares  as  wife  and  mother  occupy  her 
mind  and  affections.  Thus  there  is  no  state  of  society  or 
r'digion — at  least,  where  the  sacrtdness  of  the  tie  of  marriage  is 
understood — that  does  not  present  instances  of  the  exemplary 
woman,  whose  affections  have  bee^  a  law  to  her,  and  have 
trained  her  in  self-denial,  patience,  meekness,  pity,  and  modesty. 
History,  ami  the  experience  of  travellers  and  of  missionaries, 
alike  prove  this  fact. 


WOMAN  3    STATUS.  7 

B\it  the  woman  destitute  of  sucli  a  direct  object  for  lier 
obedience,  cares,  iiiten  sts  and  affections,  is  apt,  when  her  first 
youth  is  over,  to  crave  tor  something  further,  unless  she  have 
recognised  her  relation  to  the  universal  Body  and  to  its 
Head.  As  long  as  girlhood  las's— and  this  often  is  a  good 
way  on  into  life — she  has  sufficient  food  for  her  interests, 
at  home  or  abroad,  in  studies  or  amusements  ;  but  let  her  home 
break  up,  or  let  her  not  feel  herself  a  necessary  wheel  in  its 
machinery,  she  becomes  at  a  loss.  The  cui  bono  feeling  comes 
over  her  studies  ;  amu-^enients  become  weary,  or  she  finds  herself 
looked  at  by  the  younger  generation  as  de  trop  :  and  she  either 
sinks  into  duU  routine  in  a  narrow  home,  or  is  an  aimless  guest 
at  country  houses  ;  or,  on  the  other  hand,  she  takes  to  being  one 
of  the  equally  purposeless  tiavellers  and  sight-seers — ever  roving, 
ever  gazing ;  or  lastly,  she  struggles  for  the  position  ar)d  privi- 
Ifges  of  a  man.  His  indepeniience  she  has,  and  a  very  doleful 
thing  she  finds  it — vanity  and  vexation  of  spirit  to  her.ielf ; 
and  while  she  strips  herself  of  all  grace  and  softness,  she  be- 
comes ridiculous  and  absurd  in  his  sight,  and  renders  him 
averse  to  the  culture  to  which  he  eironeoufly  ascribes  her 
urifemiuineness. 

But  let  her  feel  herself  responsible  to  the  one  great  Society  of 
which  she  is  a  part,  and  let  her  look  for  the  services  that  she 
can  fulfil  by  head  or  by  hands,  by  superintendence  or  by  labour, 
by  pen  or  pencil,  by  needle  or  by  activity,  by  voice  or  by  music, 
by  teaching  or  by  nursing — nay,  by  the  gentle  sympathy  and 
earnest  prayers  of  an  invalid ;  and  the  vague  discontent  is 
appeased.  She  has  found  a  vocation,  or  it  has  been  found  for 
her.  It  may  be  an  outwardly  secular  life  that  she  lives,  and 
there  is  no  visible  difference  between  her  pursuits  and  those  of 
others;  but  they  are  dedicated,  they  have  their  object;  and  if 
her  heart  rests  in  Him,  she  is  content. 

I  do  not  say  that  she  wiU  be  in  the  least  a  faultless  womaTi,'~l 
or  that  she  may  not  expose  herself  to  ridicule — as  the  lady  w^ith 
a  hobby,   the  clerical  woman,  the  fussy  district-visitor,  or  the 
like.     This  depends  upon  tact,  and  the  minor  morals  and  graces 


8  WOilANKIND. 

of  lifo  ;  nor  is  it  always  possible  to  be  a^  pleasant  in  looks 
aud  ways  in  advancing  life  as  in  yuuth — at  Jf;i.-.t,  not  to  man- 
kind.  To  v.oinen,  wliose  affuf  tiou  ia  nioie  ically  valuahle  to  a 
spinster,  it  i^  always  possible  to  become  more  and  more  agieeable, 
as  the  period  of  rivalry  is  outgrown,  and  there  comes 

*'Tho  heart  at  leisure  from  itself. 
With  tin.o  to  sympathize." 

It  is  only  as  a  daughter  of  the  Church  that  woman  can  have 
her  place,  or  Lo  patisli-d  as  to  her  voratiou.  Aud  happily, 
many  who  do  not  iu  word  or  licart  feel  for  the  Church  as  their 
Mother  and  Queen,  yet  do  hfr  M-ork,  looking  to  hei  luij  theii 
Lord  aiid  King,  and  so  aro  "  blccsed  in  theii-  deed,'* 


CHAPTER  IL 

KURSERY  TRAINING. 


I  DO  not  mran  this  for  a  work  on  education  ;  hut  if  T  am  to  try 
to  review  tiie  scenes  and  aspects  of  woman's  life,  I  must  begin 
at  the  beginning,  and  look  at  the  little  child,  and  what  is  being, 
or  may  bo,  made  of  her. 

It  seems  to  me  that  the  weak  point  of  most  books  on  educa- 
tion is,  that  they  say  boldly,  "  Do  this,  and  you  will  produce 
that  effect,"  without  taking  into  account  the  exce*  ding  variation 
in  tliti  dispositions  of  children,  and  liow  treatment  that  will  barely 
touch  one  will  terrify  another,  while  the  doliglit  of  one  is  the 
misery  of  another.  Of  course  there  are  broad  rules,  and  general 
observations,  and  to  these  it  is  needful  to  confine  oneself.  Actual 
management  learns  adaptation,  and  in  all  cases  principles  are 
better  than  rules,  as  being  both  more  stringent  and  more  elastic. 

Much  has  of  late  heen  said  about  training  and  education 
making  the  difference  of  habits  between  hoy  and  girl     I  do  not 


NURSERY    TRAIXXNQ.  9 

think  the  notion  can  bo  held  by  anyone  who  has  often  -n-atched 
the  development  of  the  two  creatures.  The  instinct  of  the  boy, 
long  before  imitation  can  have  put  it  into  his  head,  is  to  drum 
and  strike  in  a  way  that  never  seems  to  occur  to  his  si.-^ter.  Uo 
is  sure  to  be  eager  for  sticks,  and  esteems  the  sight  of  a  hors.; 
more  than  anything  else ;  while  she  almost  as  certainly  cuddles 
even  the  very  semblance  of  a  chdd,  and  caresses  what  he  beat-'. 
Both  have  a  delight  in  producing  a  noise,  but  hers  is  seldom 
aggressive  like  that  of  the  boy. 

It  often  happens,  however,  that  for  the  few  years  immediately 
following  babyhood,  from  about  four  or  five  to  six  or  seven,  the 
girl  is  rt-ally  the  more  enterprising  and  less  timid  creature ;  and 
this  has  perhaps  given  rise  to  the  opinion  above-mentioned.  I 
1  elieve  the  chief  reason  is  that  the  inferior  creature  is  of  more 
rapid  growth,  and  that  she  is  really  apt  to  be  the  stronger  of  the 
two,  to  say  notliing  of  the  fact  that  her  tomboy  isms  are  repressed 
and  complained  of,  while  the  poor  boy  is  blamed  for  his 
cowardice. 

At  al)Out  five  years  old  boys  are  often  very  thoughtful  beings. 
They  have  just  acquired  fall  power  of  speech  and  limb,  and  can 
fairly  understand  the  scenes  around  them,  while  custom  has  not 
taken  away  tlie  novelty  and  wonder.  If  they  have  anyone  who 
cares  to  converse  with  them,  this  is  a  great  period  of  memorable 
— often  original — saying?,  unanswerable  questions,  and  some- 
times of  precocious  religion.  It  now  and  tlien  happens  that  the 
presage  of  the  future  manhood  is  then  to  be  seen  in  the  child ; 
and  it  is  an  age  at  which  perhaps  tho  fairest  hopes  are  enter- 
tained— often,  of  course,  to  be  disappointed,  and  almost  alwajs 
overshadowed  during  the  time  when  the  growth  of  the  animal 
frame  gains  the  mastery  over  the  spiritual  and  intellectual  being 
— often  for  many  years.  These  little  pensive  boys  are  often 
exceedingly  timid,  as  well  as  delicate  in  frame,  and  their  sisters 
get  credited  with  a  great  deal  more  couragp,  because  they  are 
stronger,  and  either  are  or  seem  more  daring.  Indeed,  this  age 
of  sold  in  boys  is  very  apt  to  be  in  girls  tlie  age  of  coquetry. 
Thoughtful  mother,  aunt,  or  sister,  will  bring  reflection  out  in 


10  WOMANKIND. 

the  boy  ;  while  in  the  giil,  notice  from  any  man  who  wants  to 
auuise  himself  with  her  will  readily  take  elTcct. 

She  iii  very  amusing,  whether  she  be  jierfectly  simijle  and 
unconscious,  or  whether  she  take  the  line  of  sentiment  or  sauci- 
ness.  r»iit  is  it  really  for  her  good  1  Is  it  well  to  let  this  form 
of  excitcnieiit  in  upon  the  young  life?  If  she  receives  it  as 
mere  ])otting,  and  simply  regards  the  "  other  party "  as  her 
kindest  friend  and  playmate,  no  harm  is  done  :  but  it  seems  to 
me  that  there  is  a  certain  blighting  of  the  perfect  freshness 
and  dcliracy  of  the  nature,  when  the  simulation  of  nal  love  and 
courtship  is  permitted.  It  .seems  to  mo  to  be  hanl  upon  the 
dignity  and  innocence  of  childhood,  tlius  to  make  it  ape  what 
it  cannot  understand,  and  to  desecrate  the  real  bt-uuty  of  love 
to  forestall  it  in  sjiort  ;  nay,  may  not  the  lingering  nc ollfction 
of  such  foolish  play  sometimes  assist  to  make  the  growing-up 
girl  think  lightly  of  flirtiition  1  It  is  a  dillituilt  subject;  but  1 
think  it  might  be  impressed  on  both  parties,  that  "  Mamma 
does  not  like  that  kind  of  play,"  and  that  no  real  happine.s3 
would  be  lost  by  such  restraint. 

Some  pain,  too,  might  be  saved,  for  la  neillfsse  de  Venfance  sets 
in  soon  enough  ;  and  while  the  boy  becomws  a  prt-y  to  Berserkar 
wiith,  and,  unices  he  has  his  own  kind  to  play  with,  or  else 
plenty  of  space  and  liberty  for  voice  and  motion,  is  a  burthen  to 
himself  and  all  his  family ;  the  girl  loses  her  attnic'ive  kitten- 
like  grace,  so  that  the  very  admirers  who  lately  called  her 
deliiious,  and  her  speeches  "  rich,"  now  vote  them  pert  and 
troublesome,  and  declare  that  she  must  be  banished  to  the 
school-room  from  seven  to  seventeen.  If  she  is  strong  and 
healthy,  "  tombojism "  by  no  means  vanishes  at  this  period. 
It  is  the  bet-t  sign  for  future  health,  for  it  to  be  retained  up  quite 
to  the  "teens."  What  I  mean  by  "  tomboyism  "  is  a  wholesome 
delight  in  rushing  about  at  full  speed,  playing  at  active  games, 
climbing  trees,  rowing  boats,  making  dirt-pies,  and  the  like. 
It  can  all  be  done  with  perfect  modesty,  provided  the  girls 
thoroughly  understand  that  what  is  permissible  among  them- 
selves needs  a  little  restraint  if  a  boy  not  of  their  o\vn  family  be 


NURSERY    TRAIXIXa.  H 

among  them,  and  that  they  must  avoid  all  rudeness.     Perhaps 
it  is  best,  this  principle  being  understood,  to  leave  the  caiTyiug 
out  to  themselves.     With  them  romj)ing  is  sure  to  betray  itself 
by  the  torn  frock,   dishevelltd  hair,   and  over-heated  state  of 
exhaustion  ;  and  a  little  improvement  of  the  occasion  generally 
brings  shame  and  contrition,   that  will  worlc  gradually  against 
the  wildness  of  high  spirits.    Besides,  brothers  are  almost  dways 
fastidious  guardians  to  their  sisters'  propriety  of  demeanour,  and 
tell  them  much  stronger  truths  than  will  go  down  from  anyone 
else.      Where  an  act  that  shocks  the   elders'   notions   of  pro- 
priety comes  under  cognizance,  a  sudden  sharp   demonstration 
of   the  shock  it  reaUy    causes,   foHowed  up,  in  a  cooler,  more 
private   moment,   by   a   Httle   conversation   upon  maidenline.ss, 
based  upon  the  "  being  grown  older,"  wiU  generaHy  be  effectual.' 
8ome  girls  have  an  instinct  about  them  tliat  never  permits  them 
to  oflend  ;  others  have  strong  frames  and  high  spirits,  which  make 
the  sense  of  decorum  slow  in  onming ;    and  a  hint  that  will 
cover  one  girl  with  agonizing   blushes  is  scarcely  obsei-ved  by 
another— a  lecture  which  will  be  hilpfulto  one  in  time  of  excite- 
ment and  temptation  will  be  scorned  by  another  as  tiresomeness 
or  particularity  on  th«  elders  part.     For  this  latter  class  of  girl, 
one  brief  sharp  sting  of  censure  li-om  father,  uncle,  or  elder 
brother,  wiU  do  more  than  a  hundred  reproofs  from  her  own  sex. 

It  would  be  pleasant  to  believe  that,  in  all  cases,  a  delicate  1 
modesty  and  regard  to  propriety  is  the  attribute  of  girls,  and  that 
however  rough,  noisy,  and  bouncing  they  may  be  from  seven  years 
old  to  twelve,  they  are  sure  to  soften  into  maidenly  reserve ; 
but,  unluckily,  experience  shows  that  this  is  not  so  uniformly    ' 
the  case,  as  not  to  make  it  needful  that  the  lesson  of  retenue     ' 
and  self-control  should  be  er.forced  in  early  girlhood,  if  we  wish  j 
10  prevent  the  "  fast  "  and  bold  development  afterwards. 

Again  I  say  that  perfect  liberty  in  the  garden  with  brothers 
without  objecting  to  boyish  .ports,  is  generaUy  quite  safe ;  but 
It  IS  wiser  to  let  it  be  understood  that  masculine  games  such  as 
cricket,  or  rougher  sports,  such  as  cHmbing,  are  not  allowable 
with  any  other  boys ;  and  any  outrageous  laughter  or  token  of 


12  WOMANKIND. 

_]boisterousne58  apart  from  merriment,  ha<l  better  bo  suppressed. 
Prudery  is  a  much  le.'^sdaijger  than  lurwardncf-s,  efij)eciul]y  in  thu 
jm'Sint  day.  ricfintniCDt  is  the  roa]  quality  that  stands  between 
tho  two  evils  ;  but  it  is  one  which,  if  it  do  not  come  by  happy 
nature,  can  be  taught  by  careful  repressive  influence  better  than 
by  direct  reproof. 

The  kindest  thing  to  be  done  by  a  chiM  ia  to  teach  it  eclf- 
restraint  That  the  mere  training  in  good  manners  and  ordinary 
civilization  does  niuch  in  that  way,  is  proved  by  the  exceeding 
difficulty  we  must  all  often  have  experienced  in  dealing  with 
persons  of  the  lower  classes,  from  tlieir  inability  to  r-stniiu 
themselves — nay,  their  want  of  appreciation  of  the  possibility. 
Persons  among  them,  whom  we  know  to  be  thoroughly  rtligioua 
and  high  principled,  seem  to  bo  entirely  dependent  on  tlnir 
natural  temper,  and  when  removed  from  tlio  restraint  of  a 
superior's  presence,  give  way  to  their  natural  impulses  with 
absolute  helplessness.  Sometimes,  indeed,  we  fmd  (as  in  tho 
curious  instance  of  Archbi.shop  Laud's  Journal)  that  the  whole 
force  of  religion  has  to  be  put  in  requisition  to  attain  (and  not 
always  successfully)  those  little  outward  matters  of  Christian 
courtesy  which  gentle  nurture  makes  matters  of  habit. 

In  fact,  it  is  a  very  curious  question  how  much  courtesy  is  an 
inbred  quality,  a  matter  of  race.  Travellers  and  missionaries 
alike  agree  in  telling  us  that  they  find  the  chiefs  of  savage  races 
"perfect  gentlemen ;"  and  it  seems  plain  that  high-bred  bearing, 
and  grace  of  manner,  are  of  long  inheritance  from  families  sure 
of  their  place,  used  to  command,  and  with  too  much  elevation 
of  rank  to  encourage  meanness  or  servility.  Caractacus  or 
Vercingetorix,  Ariovistus,  Clovis,  or  Cerdic,  were  no  doubt  men 
of  grand  dignity  of  demeanour,  aware  of  what  was  due  to  them- 
selves and  all  around  ;  and  though  their  free  warriors  might  on 
one  side  of  their  nature  be  ruthless  ruffians,  yet  in  their  hours 
of  peace  they  would  no  doubt  be  grave,  punctilious,  guarded, 
and  as  careful  about  giving  offence  as  men  become  when  deadly 
weapons  are  always  in  their  hands. 

The  main  body  of  the  gentry  of  the  civilized  world  is  de- 


NURSERY    TRAIXIXO.  13 

acended  from  these  free-born  lords  and  nobles ;  and  though  of 
course  there  has  been  an  immense  intermixture  from  beneath, 
especially  in  England,  yet  a  code  of  honour,  iroiu'tesy,  and 
natural  power  of  conforming  to  it,  has  been  handed  down,  which 
has  formed  a  standard  wliicli  everyone  who  has  the  tone  of  good 
society  has  learnt  to  accept,  and  which  becomes  natural  to  the 
newly  eh-vated  alter  a  generation  or  two. 

it  is  tliis  which  f'roscribes  all  the  meaner  fault>»,  by  simply 
regarding  them  a>i  impos-ible  in  gei'tlnman  or  lady;  such,  we 
mean,  as  li.-.tening  at  doors',  lool^ing  into  letters,  playing  unfairly 
at  games,  and  the  like — and  likewise  aU  struggles  for  place,  rude 
and  rough  spe^ch  and  manner,  such  as  might  become  personal 
insult,  "giving  the  lie  dirt-ct,"  &c.  Whether  our  behaviour  in 
these  matters  be  Christian  courtesy,  or  mere  con\entionality,  is 
t-^stt-d  by  finding  whether  we  will  give  way  to  a  stranger  or 
visible  inferior  as  to  an  acquaintanca 

Children  of  gentle  birth  learn  these  things  they  hardly  know 
Low,  the  happier  ones  from  bab}  hood,  the  less  favoured  by  more 
(lir<  ct  and  more  painful  lessons;  sometimes  by  the  contempt  and 
indignation  of  their  companions,  or  by  the  unanimous  con^ent 
of  their  story-books.  And  that  they  are  learnt  by  the  great 
nia-s  of  ordinary  people  is  a  great  safeguard  to  temper,  and 
prevents  many  collisions,  that  miglit  lead  to  evils  far  deeper 
than  such  as  seem  to  be  involved  in  these  minor  morals.  Good 
habits,  and  self-control,  seem  to  be  what  are  especially  within 
the  power  of  education  to  accomplish.  There  are  things  that 
DO  external  power  can  accomplish,  and  that  each  must  do  for 
himself;  but  the  process  can  be  made  much  ea-ier  by  enforcing 
good  habits  and  repressing  bad  ones. 

Some  parents  teach  their  children  sound  principles,  but  leave 
them  all  the  trouble  of  correcting  their  faidt^  for  themselves  as 
they  grow  older;  others  take  the  task  of  training  and  correction 
into  their  own  hands  from  the  first ;  and  we  need  not  say  which 
we  think  the  happiest  and  wisest  way,  and  which  is  most  likely 
to  save  the  little  ones  from  those  ingrained  faults  that  become 
besetting  eina. 


14  WOMANKIND. 

CHAPTER  TIT. 

EARLY    RELIGIOUS    TRAININO. 

vv  iTAT  nrp  tVion  these  habits  that  can  be  t-nuglit,  theso  faults  that 
can  be  mastered,  in  most  cases  by  judicious  management  1  I 
am  speaking  now  of  what  can  be  done  by  discipline,  even  more 
than  by  per.-onal  rfligion.  The  soul  i«,  as  I  paid  before,  very 
apt  to  be  almost  stiflt-d  by  the  animal  and  physical  vigour  of  tlie> 
growing  boy  oi  girl;  there  is  a  great  bodily  rettlesaness,  apt  to 
kad  to  irreverence,  an  impatience  of  attention  to  what  does  not 
interest  the  curiosity  ;  and  moreover,  the  outward  machinery  of 
the  family,  or  the  school,  provides  a  whole  apparatus  of  secondary 
motives  for  teaching  morality,  and  fost«'ring  the  affections  that 
in  after  lile  are  to  find  tbeir  Home  and  Object  above. 

It  Seems  to  me  to  be  in  the  course  of  Providei.ce  that  it 
should  be  so.  The  faith  of  the  Patriarchs — seeing  at  once  to 
the  end — seems  to  answer  to  the  spiritual  clearne?8  of  the  child 
t^mcrgirig  from  infancy ;  while  we  have  St.  Paul's  own  authority 
for  the  likeness  of  the  Jewish  dispensation,  with  its  elaliorate 
py. -stem  of  laws,  and  temporal  reward  and  punishment,  to  the  later 
childhood,  trained  in  the  rudim-  nts  by  tutors  and  governors, 
untd  the  fulness  of  time,  when  of  course  the  Christian  di?peuta- 
tion  answers  to  tlie  faith  of  the  maturei  natura 

Of  course  1  do  not  mean  by  this  that  a  chdd  should  not  be 
brought  under  the  dominion  of  religion,  or  that  religion  does  not 
often  supply  direct  motive^.  What  I  do  mean  i-,  that  as  long 
a''  a  child  is  reverent  and  dutiful.,  its  spiritual  f-  elings  may  bo 
allowed  to  grow  unseen,  and  not  forced  or  examined. 

1  divide  spiritual  feelings  from  knowledge.  It  is  realhj  the 
time  fox  learning  and  training.  The  actual  personal  religion 
that  is  to  be  expected  and  inculcated  in  these  early  years  niust 
be  the  regular  habit  of  prayer,  and  with  attention — grafting 
upon  this  the  a-kiig  for  what  is  wished  for,  and  lor  protection 


EARLY    RELIGIOUS    TRAINI.VO.  15 

from  anything  dreaded.  This  is  the  sure.t  way  to  engender 
trust,  and  the  sense  of  dependence  on  the  Fatlu-r  Who  can 
grant  what  the  earthly  parent  cannot.  lYor  need  we  fear  the 
child's  aski.,g  for  tiivial  thing..  Any  temporal  advanta-e  we 
ask  for  IS  probably  quite  as  trivial,  and  things  childish  and 
temporal  are  the  training  for  things  eternal.  Reverence  is  the 
next  great  point.  No  lamilianty,  no  levity,  no  spoi-tiveness 
where  h,.l.y  thu.gs  are  concerned  !  Acknowledge  no  oHence  as 
more  serious  tl.un  fuilnres  here  ;  and  above  all  keep  bad  examples 
out  of  the  children's  sight. 

The  Sunday  question  is  a  hard  one.     I   believe   that  in  the 
present  day  there  is  an  over-f.ar  of  Sabbatarianism  with  children 
and  that  they  are  left  to  their  own  will  i;i  the  matter,  with  over' 
regard  to  their  present   plnasure,   rather  than  to  their  future 
habits.     Tliey  are  apt  to  be  allowed  their  choice  about  <-oin-  to 
church,  instead  of  viewing  it  as  an  ab>olute  duty  to  offer  their 
service  to  God  ;  and  they  are  pitied  for  the  length  of  the  service, 
instead  of  being  told  it  is  a  gnat  privilege  to   be  allowed  to 
come  to  church  at  all,  a. d  that  they  will  enter  into  it  more  when 
they  grow  older.     W.ll  they?     Will  they  learn  thus  to  con- 
sider God's  service  their  fir..t  objec-t,  and  to  set  aside  the  lessor 
objections  abo.it  weather,  comfort,  cold,  and  the  Hke,    which 
n.ake  the  body  foremost  1   Is  a  little  tedium  and  restlessness  now 
to  be  put  in  competition  with  the  habit  of  rating  the  worship 
of  onr  Maker  above  our  own   pleasure  1     Ther.  fare  I  believe 
that  whatever  amount  of  church-going  is  decided  on  as  suitable 
to  the  chihl's  age  shouLl  be  regularly  insisted  on,  with  due,  bnt 
not  fancif.d,  regard  to  health  and  w.  alher,  and  with  the  feelin- 
impressed  by  our  being  pervaded  with  it  ourselves,  that  it  cannot 
be  set  aside  for  pleasure  or  convenience,  Hke  any  thir.g  else      It  is 
a  pity  that  it  has  become  the  fashion  to  laugh  at  the  keepin-  a 
Noah  s  ark  for  a  Sunday  toy.     There  is  real  benefit  in  making  a 
difference,  and  the  exclusive  enjoyment  of  so  charming  a  toy  on 
the  Sunday  helps  to  give  the  fotival  feeHng. 

The  relaxation  of  distinctive  Sunday  occupations  is  producing 
a  senous  eliect  in  children's  ignorance  on  religious  subjects.     It 


16  TVCMAXKIND. 

is  startling  to  PiikI  hov^  many  boys  and  girls  are  lift  ignorant  ol 
the  tirst  riidimeiits  of  Divinity  and  Scripture  history.  How 
are  they  ever  to  learn  them  at  all,  if  not  taught  in  those  early 
years  of  leisure  ?  Nor  will  they  regard  such  teaching  as  a 
penanco,  if  it  is  carried  on  with  kindness  and  brightness,  a  very 
different  thing  from  levity. 

Happiest  are  the  homes  whore  a  short  portion  of  Scripture  is 
read,  with  explanation,  with  one  of  the  |>arents  every  day,  and 
on  Sunday  the  Catechism,  hymns,  and  saered  lessons,  according 
to  age.  are  gone  tlirough  and  made  interesting — best  of  all  by 
the  father.  This  cannot  always  be,  es-pecially  where  the  father 
ii>  an  over-t.;^xod  clergyman  ;  but  ho  at  le;ist  loaches  by  example 
what  is  of  chief  importance.  Hut  laymen,  whose  leisure  day  it 
is,  would  do  inestimable  good  if  they  would  devote  a  little  time, 
and  a  little  interest,  to  their  children's  religious  instruction  on  a 
Sunday,  showing  that  they  care  about  it,  learning  with  the  little 
ones  it  may  be,  if  unable  to  teach. 

If  this  cannot  be,  the  niotlier,  or  whoever  in  the  family  is 
best  qualified,  should  make  it  a  point  that  in  these  years  of 
advancing  youth — namely  from  six  to  twelve  or  thiit<en,  or 
whenever  Confirmation  preparation  may  begin — the  Catechism 
should  be  learnt  beyond  power  of  being  forgotten,  together  with 
its  explanation,  as  well  as  Scripture  history  and  the  more  re- 
markabio  prophecies,  and  that  there  should  be  a  tolerable  kuow- 
iedge  of  the  Prayer-book. 

If  all  is  left  for  the  clergyman's  few  weeks  of  preparation 
before  Confirmation,  he  has  to  spend  much  time,  that  ought  to 
be  used  in  strictly  devotional  training,  in  teaching  the  mere 
terms  and  meaning  of  phrases,  such  as  may  just  as  weD  be  learnt 
at  home.  In  fact,  he  finds  nothing  to  builil  upon.  What  can 
yie  do,  when  young  people — children  of  cultivated  peisons — 
come  to  him  with  the  notion  that  they  are  going  to  be  made 
responsible  for  the  sins  they  suppose  theu'  Godfathers  and  God- 
mothers to  have  hitherto  undertaken  ? 

Kow  it  is  hard  on  a  child  of  nine  or  ten  years  old  to  be  set 
down  to  the  small  print  in  a  Prayer-book,  to  learn  long  answers 


EARLY    RELIGIOUS    TRAINING.  17 

by  heart.  P>nt  it  is  not  at  all  hard,  at  four  or  five,  to  have  thfm 
put  into  his  lips  ISun'lay  after  Sunday,  or  day  after  day,  by  the 
mother,  while  he  tliinks  it  an  honour  and  promotion — till  at 
seven,  eiglit,  or  nine,  he  has  attained  pi-rfect  laniiliarity  with  the 
words ;  and  after  the  first,  younger  children  follow  in  the  track 
of  the  elder,  and  repeat  the  easier  answers,  orally  learning  the 
harder  ones. 

I  believe  it  is  a  mistake  to  begin  with  baby  catechisms  and 
"  First  Steps ; "  it  is  a  mere  waste  of  time  and.  memory.  The 
Church  Catechism  is  more  thoroughly  known  if  repeated  long 
before  the  understanding  is  equal  to  the  memory,  and  there  is 
plenty  of  time  afterwards  for  breaking  it  up  into  questions  and 
explaining  it.  Many  well-managed  children  are  uncomfoi-taljle 
if  they  do  not  njpeat  "  their  Catechism  "  straight  through  on  the 
Sunday,  and  think  it  a  great  privilege  to  do  so  to  Papa  or 
Mamma,  Godfather  or  Godmother.  Even  boys,  if  thoroughly 
used  to  it  before  going  to  school,  regard  it  as  a  home  institution, 
and  are  really  jjleased  with  the  assistance  that  they  have  found 
it  at  school  For  their  sakes,  however,  tlie  parent's  undertaking 
it  is  doubly  desirable.  They  may  be  irreverent  and  idle  witli 
a  governess,  but  scarcfly  with  a  parent. 

A  little  piece  should  be  explained  and  illustrated  from  some 
of  the  counthss  manuals  in  existence,  and  whicli  are  a'lapted  to 
any  age ;  and  by  this  means  there  can  hardly  fa'l  to  be  a  fair 
working  head-knowledge  (at  least)  of  "all  that  a  Christian  ought 
to  do  and  believe  to  his  soul's  health."  "With  elder  children 
a  good  deal  may  be  done  in  this  way  by  writing. 

It  is  also — I  say  it  delibi-rately — a  great  unkindneps  not  to 
cause  children  to  lay  up  in  their  menioiies  a  good  store  of  pas- 
ag<'S  of  Scripture  so  securely  that  agitation  or  grief  can  hardly 
disturb  the  power  of  recalling  and  rep' ating  them.  Our  own 
t  leepltss  nights  show  the  value  of  sucli  recollections  ;  and  no 
one  has  ever  acted  as  a  nurse  without  feeling  the  value  of  having 
Psalms  or  soothing  passages  at  the  tongue's  end,  to  repeat  when 
it  may  not  be  possible  to  read,  besides  that  the  voiee  in  reading 
is  hardly  ever  so  pleasant  to  hear  as  in  repeating.     Such  facility 

o 


18  WOMANKIND. 

is  only  to  bo  acquired  in  very  early  youth,  and  ou^'ht  to  be 
cultivated.  The  wictclifd  old  custom  of  punishing  by  giving 
chapteis  to  be  learnt  by  heart,  produced  a  rt  action  which  has  led 
to  its  being  unconiinon  to  know  anything  but  tlie  Psalms,  and 
not  many  of  them  ;  but  let  it  be  really  felt  that  the  actiuisiiion 
of  a  small  portion  to  be  rej)eated  on  Sunday  pleases  the  parent.-", 
let  that  portion  be  well  chosen,  and  perfectioa  at  certain  stages 
be  stimulated  by  some  suitable  prize,  such  as  a  photograph  of 
a  sacred  subject — and  the  learning  will  become  a  jthasure. 
Hymns  are  also  valuable,  but  1  sliould  put  the  I'sulma  and 
passages  of  the  Bible  first;  and  as  to  all  catechisms  but  that  of 
the  Church,  they  are  all  very  well  as  guides  to  the  teacher,  but 
to  have  them  committi'd  to  memory  U  only  wasting  tlie  time 
that  might  be  given  to  holy  words  of  pirpttilal  bent-lit  The 
Sunday  Go-^pels  are  vciy  suitable  for  such  learning;  but  when 
taking  the  Psalms,  it  is  better  to  select — for  if  the  child  begins 
at  the  beginning,  those  from  the  thiid  to  the  seventh  interebt  it 
80  little,  that  tlie  task  becomes  a  burthen.  The  Songs  of 
D-  grees,  the  twenty  third,  fiftonth.  and  nineteenth,  are  the  best 
to  begin  with.  If  the  children  go  to  the  Daily  Service,  or  take 
part  in  a  family  reading  of  the  Psalms  and  L«  ssons,  tliis  nuiat 
not  be  taken  as  supplying  the  place  of  real  instruction.  Too 
much — even  with  the  new  Ltctionary — is  read  at  a  time,  besides 
that,  for  great  part  of  the  year,  the  First  Lessons  are  scarcely 
comprehensible  to  the  very  young.  A  portion  about  the  length 
of  a  Sunday  Gospel  should  be  individually  read  every  day,  with 
some  kind  of  comment,  either  oral,  by  qui  s' ions,  or  from  a 
book.  This,  as  before  said,  is  best  of  aU  done  by  a  parent  (even 
without  talent  for  teaching),  but  if  regularity  cannot  be  managed, 
let  the  child  take  the  same  time  on  some  serious  subject  witli  the 
governess.  ]f  the  choice  be  between  governess  and  mamma, 
mamma  will  have  the  preference;  but  if  mamma's  occupation  or 
illness  leaves  uncertain  and  much-priz-dgaps  for  play,  the  religious 
lesson  will  be  viewed  as  an  infliction. 

"Wliatever  the  child  learns,  it  should  be  carefully  shown  is 
mere  knowledge,  not  to  hi  confounded  with  goodness,  and  that 


VIRTUES    AND    FAULTS    OP   CHILDHOOD.  19 

real  dutifulness  and  conscientiousness  stand  far  higher  than 
perfect  repetition  of  hymns,  or  accuracy  iu  naming  the  King.-^  of 
Israel  and  Ju'lah. 

But  technical  religious  instruction  is  a  scaffolding,  the  lack  of 
which  is  an  imuiense  hindrance  in  after  life. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

VIRTUES   AND    FAULTS   OF    CHILDnOOD. 

And  now,  what  are  the  virtues  that  are  to  spring  out  of  this 
instruction  and  training  in  early  cbildliood,  and  how  far  should 
they  be  consciously  connected  witli  religion? 

Truth  stands  tir.-t,  of  coiir.-a  Happily,  public  opinion  in 
England  is  in  favour  of  truth;  and  there  is  hardly  a  child  of 
any  sort  of  education  who  doctt  not  view  falsehood  as  the  worst 
crime  within  its  range.  Little  children's  failures  in  veracity  are 
apt  to  be  flora  three  causes — timidity,  insulted  reserve,  and 
romancing.  The  timidity,  apparently,  is  best  treated  by  indul- 
gence to  the  utmost  to  confessed  faults,  and  such  pit}iiig  severity 
to  the  deceit,  that  the  poor  little  mind  may  be  convinced  that 
"  honesty  is  the  best  policy."  The  child  who  denies  because  it 
thinks  you  have  no  right  to  question,  is  g"nerally  of  stuff  strong 
enough  to  bear  and  understand  the  penance ;  and  the  romancing 
inaccurate  child  wants  constant  training  and  b  ing  brought  to 
book,  sometimes  laughed  at,  sometimes  reproved,  for  evejy  fo  dish 
mif^statement ;  and  every  means  should  be  taken  of  sitting 
before  it  instances  of  the  evil  consequences  thence  resulting. 
Though  less  bad  in  the  child  than  the  other  causes  of  untruth, 
it  is  more  in  danger  of  bei"g  permanent,  and  of  being  a  life-long 
defect.  Some  persons'  minds  really  seem  destitute  of  the  power 
of  distinguishing  details;  they  will  persist  that  it  is  "all  the 
same,"  after  being  convicted  of  some  lla;4rant  misrepresentation, 
and   cannot   conceive  what   is   found   fault   with,      I   believe 

c  2 


20  WOMANKIND. 

education  does  much  to  remedy  this  fault,  bocnupo,  though 
everyone  knows  only  too  many  ladies  and  gentlemen  subject  to 
it,  many  are  strictly  accurate,  while  it  is  almost  universal  amon^- 
the  uneducated  of  all  ages.  Try  to  get  to  the  bottom  of  any  storx 
current  in  any  locality,  and  the  contiadictions  and  absurdities 
you  meet  with  make  you  wonder  what  process  is  gone  through 
tc  bring  the  capacity  of  giving  trustworthy  evidence. 

Children  in  general  need  not  labour  under  this  defect.  Theii 
memories  are  stronger  than — and  are  not  loaded  with  such  a 
mass  of  past  circumstances,  all  much  alike,  as — those  of  tlieii 
elders ;  and  unless  hereditary  bi^s,  or  bad  exami)le,  b«  very 
strong,  they  can  generally  be  entirely  cured,  and  where  inaccu- 
racy is  inveterate,  be  placed  on  tht-ir  guard. 

Trustworthiness  seems  to  me  the  next  highest  perffctiot)  in  a 
child.  I  place  it  before  obedience,  because  that  depends  more 
on  the  elders  than  is  always  allowed  for,  and  may  be  only  feat 
or  pliability,  whereas  trustworthiness  must  be  conscientious. 
The  true  kindness  to  a  child  is  to  make  the  least  command  law, 
and  to  correct  resistance  as  disobedience.  Everyone  allows  this, 
bnt  everyone  will  not  take  the  trouble,  or  has  not  the  strength, 
to  carry  it  out,  and  put  an  end  to  potty  rebellion  in  trifles. 
Almost  every  child,  too,  has  the  instinct  of  trying  its  strength 
with  its  keeper,  and  experimenting  how  far  it  can  go.  It  will 
disregard  the  nagging  prohibition,  or  the  whining  threat,  because 
they  have  both  become  unmeaning ;  and  when  after  a  time  it 
does  something  unbearable,  it  has  a  sense  of  injury  that  unex- 
pected anger  has  fallen  on  it  without  sufficient  warning. 

The  very  same  child  will  be  stiictly  obedient  to  a  person 
■whose  power  it  has  learnt  to  respect,  and  wearisomely  insubor- 
dinate under  a  feebler  or  more  careless  dominion ;  yes,  and 
often  when  it  has  given  a  promise,  or  feels  itself  upon  honour, 
it  will  be  scrupulously  careful  not  to  transgress,  out  of  sight, 
orders  it  would  disobey  in  sight.  Such  a  child  is  thoroughly 
hopeful,  and  there  is  every  reason  to  think  its  sense  of  duty  will 
grow  wider  and  higher.  And  to  make  children  trustworthy,  or 
keep  them  so,    trust  them  entirely,  until  you  perceive  soioe 


vihtui:.?  and  faults  of  ciiildiioou.  21 

abuse  of  your  irust,  and  then  show  all  your  grief,  but  give  hopes 
that  trust  may  be  earned  once  more.  IMnke  al.-o  as  i<iw  rules 
as  possiljle  for  conduct  out  of  sigtit,  e-ptcially  when  a  child  is 
•  eally  forgetful.  Remember  that  your  rules  may  bo  causes  of 
wrongdoing  if  they  are  such  as  cannot  easily  be  kept. 

Do  not  sliow  suspicions  till  you  can  get  them  fully  cleared  up. 
And  when,  as  somttimes  liMppuns,  som>  thing  utterly  inexpl  cable 
occurs,  dismiss  it  when  you  find  it  unfathomable.  Your  griet 
and  dismay  have  henn,  V'-ry  pos-ibly,  as  complete  a  lesaou  as 
you  could  have  given,  had  you  traced  the  faub,  and  been  able 
to  convict  the  olf-nder.  Never  lay  the  whole  community  under 
punishment  1 11  the  thing  is  explained.  You  will  only  get  into 
an  undignified  position,  and  t-timulite  the  worst  s  de  of  all 
the  natures. 

Scarcely  a  large  family  or  school  but  has  experiences  of 
Fouie  mischief  wrapped  in  m)stery  ;  and  in  talking  these  over, 
in  after  1  fe,  it  will  ofien  turn  out  that.  t!ie  pooi'  ^liildreii  suspected 
liave  been  so  bewilderetl  and  worried  by  the  inteirog-ition,  as  to 
lose  all  certainty  whether  they  were  guilty  or  not.  In  these 
cases,  it  is  better  to  treat  the  tiling  as  if  it  had  not  happened, 
than  to  make  it  a  reason  for  continued  distrust. 

Temper  seems  to  me  to  he  moulded  by  tlie,  heaUb  and  circum- 
stances of  the  child,  while  it  is  still  an  infai  t.  I(.  altliy  happy 
children  are  generally  good-temper^-d  for  life  ;  and  where  they 
fail  is  in  oc  asional  fits,  either  of  obstinacy,  which  is  misused 
'length  (if  will,  or  of  pas-ion,  which  is  the  uncontrollable  out- 
.k   of    excitability.       it   is    weakness   and    tender    nerves, 

.tfering  in  fomis  neither  understood  nor  explained,  that  produce 
ibe  fretful  temperament,  which  lass  even  altrjr  health  has  been 
gained.  'J  liere  is  an  age  too,  some  little  time  after  speech  is 
peifect,  when  children,  aggrieved  perhaps  at  lo.-^ing  the  caressfs 
of  inftxncy,  are  very  apt  to  get  into  a  whining  t  'ne,  and  bring  all 
their  requests  and  giievances  (sometimes  their  lessons)  in  the 
most  pitiful  voice.  It  is  better  to  stop  this  at  once,  by  speaking 
gently  but  cheeifully,  and  saying  "I  will  listen  to  you,  if  you 
■ivill  speak  in  your  own  voice."     It  really  is  an  important  tiling' 


22  WOMANKIXD. 

to  correct;  for  there  is  DOlhing  more  huitful  to  a  woman's 
position  in  lier  faiuily,  than  the  hahit  of  letting  her  voice 
become  plaintive,  the  moment  she  is  unconifoi  table  or  aggrieved. 
Sometimes,  too,  an  ordinarily  cheerful  cliild  falls  into  a  s'ate  of 
rteak  spirits,  feeling  everything  an  injury,  and  with  tears 
pprit\gii)g  on  the  slightest  cau-se.  This  is  sometimes  connected 
witli  change  of  teeth,  sometimes  with  rapid  growth.  In  ])ast 
days,  there  was  little  mercy  to  a  child  in  this  condition  ;  she 
would  be  scolded,  laughed  at,  or  thratencd  wi'.h  cr}ing  lieistlJi 
into  a  thread-paper ;  and  the  other  clulrLren,  believing  her  wilfully 
naughty,  teazed  her  piiili  ssly.  Now  a  tonic,  a  glass  of  wine,  or 
a  bna'h  of  sea  air,  is  generally  the  ii  medy  ;  but  with  all 
consideration  for  the  child,  it  is  best,  at  the  same  time,  to  give 
some  gentle  stimulus  to  help  her  to  acquire  self-control,  since  it 
is  not  likely  that  she  will  pass  through  life  without  many  more 
periods  of  depressed  power.  Fretfulness,  whether  in  the 
nature,  or  merely  the  effect  of  temporary  languor,  is  best  dealt 
Avith  by  inilucements  on  the  side  of  reward.  The  punishment 
should  only  bo  its  natural  consequence.  "  My  dear,  I  cannot 
take  you  tliis  time — you  were  so  tiresome,  and  teazed  everyone 
so  much." 

Never  L  t  anything  be  got  by  fretting,  or  the  power  of  the 
ei  gine  will  only  too  soon  be  discovered.  Practically,  the  mo^t 
frttful  person  is  sure  to  be  the  despot  of  the  family  ;  but  for  her 
own  sake,  even  more  than  that  of  others,  the  tyranny  had  belter 
be  averted.  And  when  conpcience  and  determination  shut  the 
mouth,  the  spirit  of  piteousness  is  in  the  way  to  be  starved  out. 

The  two  strong  forms  of  ttmper  are  much  more  easily  dealt 
\\\i\\.  Passion  of  the  kicking  and  screaming  form  is  so  terrible 
a  memory  lo  the  victim,  tliat  the  will  is  likely  to  be  in  favour 
of  subduing  it;  and  it  must  be  very  bad  management  indeed, 
tliat  has  not  cured  a  girl  of  it  by  ten  or  twelve  years  old.  The 
test  whellier  the  evil  is  conquered,  and  not  merely  that  tlie 
lad}-like  instinct  is  awake,  is  whether  word  as  well  as  gesture  is 
restrained. 

Obstiaacy  often  becomes  a  kind  of  stupor,  in  which  the  child 


VIRTUES    AND   FAULTS   OP   CHILDHOOD.  23 

has  gone  into  such  a  state  of  passive  resistance,  as  not  in  the 
least  to  understand  the  efforts  at  persuasion,  or  the  attempts  at 
coercion,  aimed  at  him.  I  believe  tlie  best  way  then  is  to 
observe  that  he  is  not  in  his  senses,  and  h-ave  him  to  recover. 
There  is  so  much  pride  in  sullenness,  that  to  pay  it  too  much 
attention  flitters  and  increases  it.  The  way  to  be  really 
moitifying  is  to  avoid  making  the  point  of  contest  too  im- 
portant, especially  if  it  be  what  it  is  quite  impossible  to  make 
anotlirr  person  do.  "  Ye  may  gar  me  greet,  but  ye  canna  gar 
me  tell,"  says  Madge  Wihifire;  and  when  the  child  reluses  to 
f-peak  some  word,  or  accost  some  visitor,  punis^h  it  at  once  for 
the  disobedience,  but  do  not  enforce  the  matter  till  after  the 
mood  has  passed,  and  the  zest  of  resistance  is  over.  If  possible, 
avoid  that  dreadful  state  of  dogged  perseverance  wliich  becomes 
a  trial  of  strength  of  will  ;  but  come  off  with  dignity,  by 
observing  that  since  the  child  is  so  foolish,  it  must  be  puuislied, 
and  then  carry  out  the  puaishuient,  not  letting  it  feel  that  it 
has  gained  the  victory. 

After  all,  though  judicious  management  spares  ihe  child  from 
giving  way  to  the  niost  vif^ibly  obnoxious  forn  s  of  any  kind  of 
temper,  the  remedy  is  only  from  within.  Ixternal  management 
trains  in  self-contrd,  and  gives  power  of  repression.  Ittd'gious 
principle  and  practice  in  the  child  alone  can  really  conquer  the 
enemy,  whetlier  anger,  obstinacy,  or  repining. 

These  tendenci(  s,  together  with  failures  in  obedience,  and 
falsehoods  from  timidity,  are  the  errors  the  joung  spirit  can 
thoroughly  appreciate  as  sins  and  temptations,  learn  to  repent 
of,  pray  agains-t,  and  struggle  with.  It  seems  to  be  thus  pro- 
videntially ordered  that  childish  faults,  which  do  not  necessarily 
leave  a  fatd  stain,  should  be  made  the  means  of  teaching  the 
soul  to  depend  on  Divine  help,  and  strive  against  tenii  taiion. 

Thus  it  is  that  the  strong  character,  capable  of  doing  far  the 
most  in  the  world  by  and  by,  is  often  apparently  "  the  most 
naughty,"  before  the  force  of  will  has  been  tuine<l  into  the  right 
direction  ;  and  thus  the  finer  quali  ies  of  the  nature  make  it 
more   sensitive  to  jars  and  misuijderc.tanding  than   the  casv, 


24  WOMANKIND. 

•locilo,  tnnqu'l,  disposition,  which  slips  along  smoothly,  withoni 
liaviiig  to  iigUt  out  itti  place  and  to  contend  with  itselt  and 
all  around. 

Qiianelliiig  though  of  oonrsp  di-pending  rnuch  on  temper,  is 
not  I'j  any  means  h  crit'Tioti  of  tlit  unwortliiness  or  worth'n  sa 
of  diiliiien.  Tiitre  are  qi.arri-ls  and  quarrels  ;  and  it  ott-  n 
]ia[)pens  that  the  most  unsatisfactory  and  m  glected  children  are 
far  n)ore,  peacelul  and  amiable  together,  tlian  those  who  are  the 
iiiost  carelully  w.itched  and  taught.  "  A  liitLi  grain  of  conscience 
made  him  sour,"  is  as  true  of  tlie  child  as  ot  the  nian  ;  only 
instead  of  trouv — that  is,  exhausted  and  spoilt  foi  want  of  outlet 
— we  should  read  turbulent  and  t  ff'ervescing.  A  child  with  a 
j-trong  sei.se  of  duty,  tiuth.  and  uprightmss,  will  in  endeavouis 
lo  asstrt  these  pi i n ci |  les,  often  be  Jar  more  quaiielsome  than 
the  jilarid.  eas\ -going,  smooth-tempered  beings  who  dislike  "a 
fuss"  far  more  tliau  a  tiansgn  ssion.  Again,  one  child  ot  fixed 
deteiniinatioii  and  ready  invention  will  L  ad  and  fasiin<ite  a  whole 
troop— -for  originality  is  not  so  univeisal  but  that  th'-.  flock  is 
happy  to  find  a  guide — till  a  seiond.  with  an  equally  strong 
vill,  biings  war  into  the  play  ground.  As  to  knowing  «ho  is  in 
tlie  right,  that  is  gf^nendly  a  hopeless  ma'ter.  As  Manzoni  has 
told  us,  t'lere  is  very  Stldom  a  dispute  where  right  and  wrong 
are  so  neatly  divi'led  that  each  party  can  take  the  wliole  of  one 
or  the  wliole  of  the  otlier  ;  and  children,  wiih  tlieir  vehcnent 
little  passions  distoning  their  point  of  view,  liave  hardly  the 
power  of  giving  ;in  impartial  statement  of  their  mutual  grievances. 

The  ha'dr.  of  squa*'blii'g  is,  however,  such  a  miserable  thing, 
and  one  so  lik'  ly  to  be  lasting,  and  to  be  destructive  to  family 
peace  and  happine.-s,  that  it  should  be  quashi  d  by  authority. 
'J  he  di  pute  had  better  be  treated  as  the  fault.  Tlie  game 
sliould  be  put  an  end  to  at  once,  and  the  cldLlren  separated  for 
the  time.  Where  it  is  a  question  of  mere  ta.-te,  and  having  one's 
way,  the  senior  chihl  s  undoubted  rv;ht  should  be  maintained  ; 
but  that  same  elder  should  be  int-trueted  that  it  is  the  piivilege 
and  grace  of  age  to  concede  to  the  younger  and  weaker  ;  and  in 
nine  ca«e.s  out  of  ten,  this  will  be  williigly  done,  either  from 


VIRTUES   AND   FAULTS    OK    CUILDHOOD.  25 

gfnp.osity,  or  dislike  of  sreing  the  little  one  unhappy;  but 
justice  should  alv\ays  be  upheld,  no  one  ever  should  \)<a  forced  tj 
yii'ld  a  right,  it  only  begets  discontent,  dislike,  and  reprisals. 

''  Fiat  justitia,  mat  coehan,"  should  be  tlie  law  of  the  nursery. 
Yes — ruat,  not  ccehim,  perliaps  ;  but  the  reign  of  the  favoiiiit(\ 
Nurses  and  moti.eily  elder  sisters  are  apt  to  make  ever^tliiug 
give  way  to  the  baby-pet,  aud  allow  ir,  to  become  the  torment  ol 
the  older  children,  whose  to\s  are  laken  away  to  gratify  its 
destructiveness,  and  whose  impoitant  little  occu^wtions  are 
violently  broken  up  to  gratify  its  volatile  spirit  of  in  it-dioii  or 
curiosity.  'J'o  the  elders  the  threading  of  beads,  or  daubing  of 
pictures,  or  making  of  moilels,  may  seem  even  hss  important 
than  bab}''s  giatihcation  ;  but  to  tlie  cliild  they  are  the  business 
of  life,  pursued  with  a  sense  of  purpose  and  indu-try,  and  it  is 
bo'h  harsh  and  mischievous  to  saciihce  them  unii'oimly  to  the 
li  tie  oue.  True,  he  is  very  likely  to  squaU,  and  obstinately 
insist  on  being  amused  with  nothing  but  invading  the  oocnpatiou 
that  engiosses  the  older  oiie  ;  and  the  cljild  maybe  advised — but 
so  as  to  leave  it  entirely  a  matter  of  free-will — to  give  way  to  him 
or  else  put  the  coveted  object  out  of  fight.  There  will  gener..Lly 
be  enough  love  to  the  little  Oiie,  and  dislike  of  b-ing  ill-natured, 
to  lead  to  this  being  done,  and  probably  to  a  more  prudent 
clioice  of  o,  poitunities  another  time.  If  possible,  chi'dren  of 
this  more  Tiasonable  age  ou^^ht  to  have  some  refuge  from  tlie 
meddlesomeness  of  the  leaser  ones.  It  would  greatly  conduce 
to  their  comfort,  and  even  to  the  aff.  ction  of  b^th  parties.  If 
there  be  not  room  to  keep  tliem  in  sejara'e  nurseries,  surely 
quiet,  rational  spoits  might  be  cariied  on  in  the  diawing-rooin 
or  school-room. 

Giving  up  and  forgiving  are  great  duties,  and  a  child  is 
capable  of  both,  but  compul-ion  w)ll  not  succeed  in  either  case. 
Woial  influence  alone  is  efi'ective  ;  and  in  a  well-ordered  family 
the  dues  of  age  never  should  be  eoitesied— the  light  of  tho 
eldest  in  succession  to  the  first  choice,  the  outing,  the  decision? 
and  the  authoiity,  should  be  fully  established,  but  t'mpe-ed  by 
tiaining  in  the  generosity  of  setting  oneself  aside.     This  system 


26  roMAXKi"i>. 

obviates  a  good  dccl  of  di?putirg,  by  making  it  cl'  ar  wlio  is  to 
to  say  what  is  to  be  dont-,  and  who  is  to  be  obeyed.  A  grvat 
deal  of  qiiarelling  is  really  for  want  of  an  aiknowle-lged  leader, 
a  good  deal  more  is  a  sort  of  police.  TUis  is  not  said  with  any 
view  to  its  toleration — for  it  is  a  grievous  blot  on  the  brigJit 
page  of  childhood,  a  sad  marrirg  cf  family  affeciion — but  cliielly 
to  show  that  it  may  be  more  the  fault  of  the  parents  than  of  tlit- 
children  ;  and  when  there  is  good  s^und  principle  and  love  at 
the  bottom,  the  effect  on  the  grown-up  fraternity  is  pometim*^ 
to  enable  them  to  say  the  most  unpalatable  home  tiuths  to  on-^ 
another  in  the  moet  uncompromising  manner,  and  then  forg»-t 
and  forgive,  as  if  nothing  bad  happened.  However,  fa»>  ly 
couitesy  should  liinder  the  violence ;  and  ther»-fore  all  mutual 
rudeness  and  biektrings  should  be  put  down  with  the  utmO:-t 
decision,  whenever  they  crop  cat^  Blows,  kick",  pinches,  and 
the  like  should  most  assuredly  be  punished  sharply,  especially 
from  the  str')rig»^r  to  the  weaker,  and  treate^l  as  a  seiious  offence. 
Some  parents  think  it  leaves  l^-ss  ill  blo<xl,  where  boys  are  faiily 
equal  in  stn  ngth,  to  let  them  batter  and  buffet  it  out  their  ovrn 
way,  and  this  may  be  a  matter  of  family  temperament  an»l 
management,  only  to  be  dealt  wi^.h  by  exp'^rience ;  but  between 
boy  and  gi-^l,  or  among  girls,  hurting  by  deed  should  le  treated 
as  a  shameful  offence.  There  is  also  great  need  to  waU-h  over 
that  strange  melancholy  instinct  for  giving  pain  by  way  of 
feeling  power,  which  exis's  in  most  bojs,  and  results  in  tyranny 
and  bullying.  Torturr-s  to  fee  how  much  fortitude  a  1  ttle  g-rl 
will  display  are  very  hard  to  d-tect,  because  the  victim  is  apt  to 
exert  a  dumb  resolution,  half  Spartan,  half  cowanily ;  but  they 
would,  we  imaginf>,  be  best  cured  by  a  fither's  i.  dignalion  fir>t, 
and  then  by  rea-oning  on  the  cowardliness  of  the  aci  ion.  Teazing 
a  whining  giil  is  more  difficult  to  dtal  witli,  because  the  boy 
can  never  be  convinced  that  her  folly  does  not  make  her  fair 
game,  and  that  he  is  not  using  wholesome  d  scipline,  and  this  to 
a  certain  exteut  is  true ;  but  the  borders  between  good-humoured 
b  inter  and  tyrannical  tormenting,  are  .«o  very  easily  passed,  that 
the  only  test  is  whether  the  girl  be  rually  unhappy,  and  the  boj 


VIBTUES    A>rD    FAULTS    OF   CniLDHOOD.  •. 

eDJovTTig — not  the  fun,  hut — the  itifliction  of  unLapp'.ness,  and 
llitn  he  mui^t  be  puuishf-d. 

Girls'  teazing  of  oue  auother  is  chiefly  ragging.  In  its  wo'st 
kinds  it  is  a  development  ratlier  of  scho«jJs  than  ^mili»'S.  Tlid 
feminiiae  nature  is  not  one  to  impiove  h}  being  masked  tc^eiher, 
and'the  grl  does  not  i.a'urally  like  those  of  her  own  sex  who 
are  not  old  enough  to  be  contptuioDS,  and  yet  so  little  yotingt-r 
than  htr2elf  as  not  to  »-l  cit  the  seut-meut  of  motherliness;. 
.Spit€  and  jealo'isy  are  dangeis  among  girls  thrown  tog-'tli^-r 
Avitliout  relaiiousliip,  and  uiiliout  t!ie  gradations  of  age  nec*-s- 
sarily  modifying  family  rivalri«s ;  and  where  ihe  elders  lorni  one 
division  and  little  ones  another,  as  in  schools,  the  you^g-r  ar^ 
simply  troublesonje,  instead  of  bringii.g  out  the  seutiuit-ut  of 
affection.  And  as  all  i.>ar  ies  are  too  old  to  fight  it  out  otlier- 
wise,  the  tongue  is  employed  to  taunt  and  ttaze,  and  a  las'iii«j[ 
bad  habit  is  formed-  Such  things  do  prevail  among  fisteis,  but 
less  commonly.  The  tendency  is  often,  however,  on  ihe  part  of 
the  eLiest  girl,  to  take  tlie  part  of  the  liitle  ones  wiih  undiscri- 
minating  vehemence,  and  to  be  mucli  less  kind  to  la  cad^tU 
unle.*s  she  have  paired  with  her  in  that  iniima^e  manner  which 
realizes  the  old  fimUitude  of  "the  double  clieiry  seeming 
I^'arted,"  and  is  one  of  the  most  pure  and  perft«t  aHectioiis 
in  existence, 

Ko'hing  can  form  this  connection — nothing  but  na'ure,  and 
the  peculiar  construction  of  eiicli  character,  either  in  siinilariiy 
or  dissimilarity  ;  but  a  strong  and  wise  hand,  hindering  all  iufrae- 
tions  of  the  peace,  and  teacliiiig  to  bear  and  forbear — showing 
to  tiie  perpe'rator  that  "a  small  utikindne>s  is  a  great  offence," 
and  to  the  sufferer  that  it  is  a  very  little  one — do^-s  much  to 
smooth  the  future  path  of  life,  and  to  make  home  a  beloved 
recollection.  Patience  and  forgiveness  are  within  the  scope  of  a 
child's  viitue,  and  should  be  required  a^  the  test  of  its  sincerity. 

Yet  by  this  I  do  not  mean  that  there  should  be  a  constant 
appeal  to  the  high»st  motives  as  an  engine  for  management  If 
you  tell  a  child  not  to  tt-aze  its  little  brother,  because  if  he  do*^ 
"  God  will  not  love  h  m,"  you  siy  what  is  not  true.     You  break 


28  WOIIANKIN'D. 

the  Third  ComTiiandaient  yourself,  and  70U  put  the  child  in 
danger  of  doing  the  same,  and  haUng  tho  appeaL  It  b  one 
that  tlie  religious  poor  arc  in  the  halnt  of  using ;  find  caro  must 
he  taken  in  checking  yonng  nurscry-molils  ia  making  it,  to  show 
you  do  rot  mean  to  prohibit  religious  subject^  only  L'glit  appeals. 
To  recall  the  fault  at  bed-time,  when  tho  (cmpcr  is  over,  and 
teach  tho  child  to  confess  it,  and  ask  parJou  in  his  prayer,  is  an 
entirely  diilerent  thing. 

One  more  point  in  childish  religion  is  alii^^givlrg.  If  children 
have  money  of  their  own,  tho  duty  of  rcr.or\iiig  a  tilho  for 
charity  or  the  OU'ertoiy  should  bo  put  in  their  way,  as  an  obliga- 
tion. Katural  compassion  will  do  much,  if  jiropcvly  managi^d  ; 
and  as  the  happy  creatures  need  never  know  of  inipo.-ition,  they 
may  generally  "find  joy  unmixed  in  charity."  Tho  great  point 
is  to  let  them  feel  tho  tithe  iho  duty,  tlie  r>.ct  r'ght,  but  not 
conipulsoiy.  To  let  litllo  gii'ls*  school-room  nce<llework  be  of 
garments  for  the  poor,  and  if  possible  to  let  them  give  them  in 
person,  is  an  excellent  jjlan ;  and  if  they  aro  not  allowed  to 
choose  the  object,  or  call  the  gift  their  own,  unless  they  have 
bought  the  material  with  their  own  money,  they  will  generally 
learn  to  prefer  such  a  purchase  to  sweets  or  dolls'  clothes. 

One  great  difference  has  come  in  of  Lit^.  Gri  ediness  used  to 
be  viewed  as  a  degradation,  now  it  is  made  Ight  of.  Children 
of  the  last  generation,  especially  girls  at  home,  were  led  to  think 
the  purchase  of  sweets  with  their  own  money  a  t'liog  no  rational 
being  woidd  do,  viewing  the  pleasure  as  transitory,  the  was*,e  as 
shameful  AVhy  is  it  that  now  it  is  thought  unkind  and  strict 
to  train  children  in  the  disdain  of  mere  pleasures  of  appetite  and 
in  the  spirit  of  self-denial,  which  they  must  need  all  tlieir  life  ? 
There  was  something  to  be  said  for  bojs  at  the  old-fiishioned 
schools,  where  mere  necessaiies  alone  were  provided,  and  the 
desire  for  variety  of  food  was  a  sort  of  instinct;  but  that  a 
child  whose  ordinal y  food  comprises  what  is  pL  asant  as  well  as 
wholesome,  should  not  be  dissuaded  from  spending  money  on  so 
poor  and  foolish  an  enjojoneiit  as  sugar-plums,  seems  to  me,  I 
ovTn,  a  strange  thing.     It  is  far  better,  far  wiser,  far  happier,  for 


HOME,    SCHOOL,    OR   G0VERXES3.  29 

a  child  to  eat  at  regular  times,  than  to  be  allowed  to  eat  what- 
ever is  before  other  people,  only  because  it  is  in  sight  aud  looks 
nice.  To  some  p'^ople  it  seems  cruel  not  to  give  a  child  a 
spoonful  out  of  an  egg,  or  to  let  it  eat  the  fruit  it  helps  to  gather. 
I  can  only  say  that  I  liave  been  thankful  all  my  life  for  the 
habits  given  to  me  of  being  able  to  sec  fjoil  witliout  exjiecting 
it,  and  of  viewing  niceties  in  shops  without  thinking  of  buying 
them  unuecedtarily. 


CnAPTEPt  V. 
HC'ir:,  SCHOOL,  ok  GovFnxnr.s. 

The  ideal  cdncat'cn  for  giils  is  that  by  the  parent=! ;  but  lhr<« 
things  are  wanting  U>  this,  namely,  power,  time,  and  will,  i-o  far 
as  actual  instruction  is  concerned.  As  to  that  education  wliieh 
is  far  more  than  actual  teaching,  the  will  is  all  tliat  is  needrd. 
Let  real  interest  be  shown  in  the  child's  studies ;  let  there  be 
a  word  of  teaching,  a  little  encouragement,  a  quarter  of  an  liour's 
reading,  as  often  as  possible,  an  eye  for  a  f  lir  exercise  in  writing 
or  acljievement  in  drawing,  an  ear  for  a  recititii'n  or  a  jdece  of 
music;  let  the  children  feel  that  every  stop  in  learning  renders 
them  more  coni|>aniniiable  to  tlie'r  fa' her,  and  lie  will  do  more 
for  them  th^m  is  in  the  power  of  Hny  oth^r  creature.  If  he  be 
a  nian  of  leisure,  he  ought  to  do  far  more  fur  them  ;  but  men  of 
leisure  are  so  very  rare,  tliat  it  is  hardly  worth  while  to  speak 
of  them. 

There  is  an  odd  notion  abroad,  that  children  do  unt  learn  so 
w(D  of  their  neirest  relations  as  of  strangf^rs.  The  fact  is, 
I  suspect,  that  the  gift  of  teaching  is  nut  universal,  and  that  the 
person  whose  profession  it  is,  ought — either  fiom  natural  ability, 
endowment,  or  experience — to  be  better  qualified  than  the 
others ;  besidi  s  which,  there  are  no  old  habits  of  spoiling  to 
bo  broken  through.     Still  it  is  a  real  disadvantage  that  mothers 


30  Womankind. 

do  not  attcm;it  to  tcnc^  more,  or  at  any  rato  to  bo  tho  presiding 
power  in  their  scliool-rooms.  Whore  toother  or  elder  sister 
jK)sscsscs  tho  power,  iitstniction  cnmfs  from  no  one  so  well,  and 
from  no  ono  is  it  so  p'^rroini-nt  or  vulnahle.  In  a  lirge  f midy, 
liowever,  it  is  impossiblo  tint  the  mother,  however  gMr»d  as  tin 
instnictress,  can  teich  const m'ly,  or  have  all  tho  children 
depending  on  hor;  and  a  clergynian's  wifo  is  liahlo  to  be  con- 
tinually called  oif  to  "speak  to  some  one."  Other  ex'-ns^'s  as  to 
occu[)ation  are  not  alv\'ays  equally  valid.  No  rea.souable  pcrs-in 
would  take  olfcnco  at  a  lady  not  br-ing  accessibln  to  morning 
calls  before  luncheon  ;  and  visitors  in  the  hous*  for  mon;  than 
a  single  day  do  not  require  entertainment  in  tho  f.in-nnon.  Even 
a  leisurely  husbnid,  if  he  have  any  real  regard  for  his  cliildren, 
will  surely  not  gru  'go  tho  mother  two  or  three  quiet  mf>rning 
hours  with  them.  Dei'end  upon  it,  if  sho  will  make  tho  schnol- 
room  her  resort,  teaching  whatever  she  is  most  fit  to  teach, 
whether  the  h«'aring  great  gills  read,  or  taking  the  little  boys' 
Latin,  or  the  babies'  first  lessons — doing  whatever  is  her  strong 
point  or  the  governess's  weak  one ;  soioetini'-s  making  her 
teaching  a  reward,  or  in  other  cises  taking  in  hud  th(5  cninky 
one  who  has  some  essential  misunderstanding  with  tiie  govern<-88 
— she  will  gain  a  hold  over  her  cliiMren's  minds  and  alfjctions, 
their  trust  and  coididence,  fir  ab  ive  wh:it  comes  of  only  metting 
in  holiday  hours.  "The  govt-rness  wouM  not  like  it."  Tiien  do 
Dot  keep  her,  but  take  a  young  ons,  wit'i  fresher  accomplish- 
ments, and  thankful  for  snpprvisiou. 

I  take  it,  the  V)est  education  is  by  the  parents,  supplftnented 
by  technical  teaching  in  certain  branches,  such  as  languages, 
music,  drawing,  an<1,  if  the  parents  Im  not  qualified,  in  arith- 
metic ;  the  second  best,  that  by  a  goo<l  govt-rness  or  eldi-r  sister, 
superintciided  by  tlie  parent;  the  third,  a  goo-l  schooL  A  really 
good  school  is  very  much  belter  than  an  itderior  governess  K-ft 
to  herself;  but  as  things  stand  at  presciit,  it  is  exceedingly 
difficult  to  find  a  good  school  that  is  not  so  expensive  aa  to  be 
out  of  the  reach  of  large  famil  e->. 

One  difficulty  is,  that  goud  tuiuou  is  so  costly  that  it  can 


HOME,  SCHOOL,  OR  GOVERNESS.  31 

hardly  "be  attained  without  large  numbers  ;  and  it  is  not  possible 
to  have  large  numbers  of  young  giils  hoarding  togetlicr,  without 
injury  to  qualities  more  essentinl  than  intellect.  It  is  a  curious 
thing,  but  of  universal  experience,  that  while  most  boys  are 
improved  by  free  inteTcourse  with  their  own  kind  in  large 
numbers  — gf^nerally  the  larger  the  better— girls  as  certaiuly 
deteriorate  in  proportion  as  the  sense  of  fiinily  Lfe  is  I'S^. 

There  are  reasons  for  it,  of  various  kinds.  One  is  the  loss  of 
privacy  in  the  bed-rooiiis — which  blunts  certain  delicate  edges. 
Sisters  sleep  together  at  home  ;  but  this  is  only  a  prolongation 
of  the  nursery,  and  quite  diffeieut  from  the  never  beit  g  out  of 
the  sight  of  strangcis.  Screens  are  a  sine  qua  non,  but  even 
these  cannot  prevent  a  gill's  pnyers,  readiigs,  and  meditation, 
from  being  at  the  nidcy  of  anyone  posses^sed  with  the  Sjiirit 
of  mii^chief  or  curiosity.  All,  however,  that  is  to  be  taid  on 
tins  point  has  beeu  excellently  put  in  Miss  Sewill'd  rrinciidts 
of  Education. 

Kext  comes  the  diadvantage  recognized  not  only  in  ladies' 
scho  ds  but  in  orphanages — tliat  tlie  tenderer  part'*  of  the 
character  find  no  scpe.  Where  a  large  maFS  of  girls,  fnmi 
sixteen  to  ten  or  eight,  arc  tlirown  together,  the  little  ones  are 
not  small  enough  to  draw  out  the  alF.  ction  of  the  elders.  Even 
at  home,  as  I  said  before,  many  an  eld-^r  sister  is  as  kind  as 
pof^sible  to  the  habiep,  while  she  is  harsh  and  impatient  to  the 
middle-sized  children  ;  and  where  there  is  no  bond  of  rel  ition- 
ship  the  youngnr  chihlren  are,  in  the  sight  of  tlie  great  out s, 
a  troublesome  noisy  herd.  The  institution  of  "  school  mammas  " 
may  eecnre  a  protector  f>r  each,  and  tliere  are  occnsional  pets, 
either  from  exceptional  smallness  or  other  charms;  but,  in 
general  there  is  in  the  nature  of  things  an  antagonism  that 
breeds  party  spirit,  and  takes  off  the  softness  of  both  parties. 

And  most  serious  of  all  is  tlie  fct,  that  when  once  the 
nil  ubeis  are  too  large  for  the  semblance  i»f  f  unily  life,  confidence 
betsveen  the  head  and  tlie  members  becomes  impossible.  Unless 
the  chief  can  really  be  a  mother  to  the  pupil-",  and  the  teachers 
and  senior  giils  live  in  free  intimacy  with  Ler  and  the  little 


32  Womankind. 

OTiPP,  suprrvision  becomco  espidunaije,  and  confilince  talc-t''llirig. 
AVhere  such  ti-nns  of  friendship  are  iinpossibl**,  th»re  is  m: 
gut>r<ling  Hgaiiist  miiiiiii'^iiiiible  evils,  which  u  sciiso  of  houuui 
forbitls  the  more  conscif-iitious  to  disclose. 

Girls  are  more  ht-lpL-ss  than  b'>ys  when  tli- y  dttcct  evil 
among  tht'in.  The  r.)ngh  polio.?  by  which  good  b  -ys  iniligniintly 
crush  the  mischief,  whih-  g  lardiig  the  dilin(pieiit  from  t-xposuiij 
to  the  iiia-tcr,  i-*  inip<>s-sil)ld  to  the  feminine  cri-atuu-s.  The 
pleasure  of  « In  ling  suspicion  and  iliscovery  is  part  of  liiiman 
iiatnrf,  and  is  no  small  ti-m|'titioii  to  acqiiiepce  in  acted  dcci  it-  ; 
and  where  once  the  fueling  has  set  in  th«t  the  aulhoritie**  arH 
natural  ni<'nii«'8,  t'uTe  will  come  tlie  spirit  of  evahioii,  and  cf  all 
but  lilt  untruth.  Wiure  thiru  «ro  numerous  8u'>j"t  ts  too,  th.» 
lules  iiuist  h»5  more  .>-t'i''t,  more  num<  rou-',  and  loss  elaslir,  tlmn 
among  a  f.-w  ;  tln'y  will  thcrtf  r.;  b-i  mure  iiksune,  and  tlic 
temptition  to  hreak  thi'iu  wi  1  'ue  ^ropurtional>ly  ;iie.iter,  so  tliat 
the  governinf'iit  is  m  in;  gallin;^',  md  thus,i  eig.igod  iu  it  arc 
naturally  1.  (iki-d  on  with  h's-  bkii  g. 

The  only  thoroughly  sa  i^fartory  port  of  boarding-'»c1iool  for 
girls,  seems  to  be  one  not  numbering  more  than  fiom  tin  lo 
twenty,  where  the  ht'a<l  can,  wi  hout  loss  of  dignity,  be  on  such 
terms  as  a  kind  aunt  or  lionie  govtrins-«  woid  I  be  on  with  the 
pupils  ;  wliiTe  tln-y  lan  l^e  allowed  to  use  their  tongues  at  meal-', 
and  can  sp-nd  tlid  evening.'^  tog- thrr,  sountinu-s  with  a  book 
read  alou  i  to  tln-m,  sometimes  in  games;  where  thty  ran  have 
ready  access  to  their  teacher,  and  it  can  be  a  treat  to  bo  her 
companion  in  a  walk,  or  to  call  her  to  join  in  tlieir  fun.  Then 
there  is  a  chance  that  they  will  really  love  her  and  one  another, 
and  that  she  will  see  enough  of  iheni  nnre.-trainedly  to  under- 
stand their  dispo-it'on*.  Tisen  they  can  be  led  to  explain  tli'-ir 
troubles  and  dilLulties ;  her  desire  for  the  good  of  all  will  be 
infused  into  the  elder  ones  ;  and  such  as  are  set  in  any  autliority 
can,  without  sense  of  uukindne-s,  report  their  perplexities  or 
explain  hers. 

Such  a  school  as  this  cannot  be  rcmnnprative  "without  very 
heavy  charges,  if  the  tuit.ou  bo  of  a  sa|.e.ior  orJ.r.     In  the 


H0112,    SCHOOL,    0.1   GGVl^RXESS.  33 

cOnntry,  it  would  be  hardly  possible  to  cairy  it  on  without 
re.-ident  teachers  of  a  high  class;  and  in  a  town,  the  rent  wouM 
be  so  much  higher  as  to  le-^i-en  somuthing  of  the  advantage  of 
having  masters  c'ose  at  hand. 

Would  it  not  be  possible  to  establish  good  day-^choo's,  con- 
ducied  by  really  snperior  tacher.-*,  to  whom  the  fair's  in  each 
towr,  might  resort  from  tlieir  iiome?,  establishing  in  conibinHtion 
v.\Va  them  sma  1  boanliug-houses,  under  ladifs  o\'  such  qualifica- 
tions as  would  make  real  nio'herl^  homes  of  their  houses,  and 
under  woose  charge  girls  c  uid  be  put,  to  form  little  families? 
!Many  a  widowed  molht-r,  wanting  to  educate  her  daughter, 
would  be  t'laidvtul  for  such  an  opening;  nay,  the  wives  of  pro- 
fessional men  would  be  often  glad  to  aid  to  their  incomes  by 
tlius  taking  in  a  few  girls,  who  would  often  be  supplied  f.oui 
amon^  their  country  acquaintance.  Different  grades  in  social 
rank  niiglit  prohab'y  nuet  at  the  school,  but  as  it  would  be  only 
in  c'ass,  it  could  hanlly  lead  to  inconvenient  in'ercouri-e. 

However,  tliis  is  a  thing  of  speculation.  As  niatters  actually 
s'and,  I  believe  that  if  circumstanc  s  render  it  necessary  to  send 
a  girl  from  home  at  all,  the  nio-t  un-school-like  place  is  btst  for 
her;  and  even  at  the  sacrifi-c  of  first ra'e  teaching,  that  it  is 
better  to  place  her  in  some  family,  or  in  a  very  small  jiarty  of 
l)upils,  till  her  characti-r  has  settltd  itsilf.  Alt^rwards,  a 
thoioughly  good  school,  from  filten  to  seventeen,  or  from 
t-ixteen  to  eigl.t  en,  will  give  method  and  instruction  at  an  age 
when  she  is  able  to  va'ue  and  piofit  by  tliem.  It;  is  the  same 
with  girls  bronglit  up  either  entirely  on  domestic  teaching,  cr 
with  a  governess  able  to  lay  foundations,  but  not.  to  pass  beyond  ; 
a  year  or  two  at  a  good  school  may  often  be  exceedingly  valuable 
to  them,  if  tliey  go  pr^-pired  to  make  use  of  it,  and  with  character 
and  habits  settled. 

Thorough  goodness  is,  however,  in  this,  as  in  everything  else, 
the  requisite  ;  and  there  is  at  present  much  more  power  than 
ust  d  to  exist  of  gauging  the  ca[)acities  of  teachers  for  young 
ladies  as  well  as  for  the  poor.  No  professional  teacher  now.  (in 
1S7G),  under  five-andtwenty  oK^ht  to  be  engaged  for  girls  over 

o 


34  WOUANCIND. 

fonrtecn,  who  cnnnot  pnxluco  a  ccrtific.ilc  fr.»m  n  XJnivonify.  01 
cour^(«,  such  ft  governess  nquirps  a  (jooJ  rnlnrv,  bu«J  to  hum  it 
would  oVicn  btj  the  truost  ocuiioiuy.  Son»«tiiu*»«  it  eoaM  bo 
ilone  liy  tlie  union  of  two  cr  thrco  fiinilivja  with  Jaii^htort 
of  the  f.-uiiM  ago,  or  Bornutimes  by  takin';  iu  •  scholar  to  ■har» 
iho  instruction. 

Of  coiir^«%  amoiiR  ladios  wlio  grew  np  before  these  facilitie* 
for  obtainiiig  cerlili<*nl«!j  oxtst/'J,  tiaro  ar«  niaiij  of  th«  highrst 
attainrnttnt.",  and  inquiry  sliould  b^  .i!>le  to  dmovor  them;  but 
anion;;  the  younger  gi^iiprauon,  pnxif  ought  to  bo  ofTixvU  and 
given  of  cnpiunty  b<yon«l  tho  va^uonrsM  invo'vod  iu  "< 
icferonccs."    IS'oono  ou.i;ht  to  und.-rtako  what  wlio  ij  not  •  i 

to  perform,  and  if  not.ihlo  toobtainaccitiiicato^  ft  young  poison 
intending  to  tench  should  fjth»-r  take  youiv;er  children,  continua 
her  studies,  or  liud  sonio  illtcr  occupation.  Fortutiuttjly,  there 
is  much  less  ijoasenso  no\T  than  formerly  about  loolng  roato ;  and 
if  sho  cannot  lo  n  l:rst-mte  governed,  she  ran  porhnjn  bo  • 
ctrtificated  sohoolniistrcj's,  a  nurw^  or  enter  oa  some  of  tho 
occupations  that  uro  becoming  moro  aud  mote  oi>cn  to  educated 
women. 

Tt  is  tho  mediocre  people,  wlio  tnkc  situations  underpaii!,  and 
fill  them  in  a  half  mechanical,  half  slovenly  manner,  who  bring 
tuilioii  into  di.-reputo,  and  lower  tho  public  opinion  ^^{  thi-ir 
cla.<s.  Insolence  to  a  governes')  is  an  old  ^tock  complaints  In 
real  life,  I  never  heard  of  it  from  anyone  by  birth  and  breeding 
a  lady  ;  the  only  in>t;inct^3  I  can  rf^culli'ct  wen3  in  one  ca^o  fi-Ofo 
a  thoroughly  vul,i,'ar  employer,  in  the  other  from  a  servant,  who 
was  sharply  rebuked,  and,  I  think,  di  misstd  for  it.  iVreons 
uith  no  coiisidenxtion  for  thoac  about  them  are  to  bo  found  in 
any  rank  of  life ;  but  whero  a  lady  is  forgttful  of  littlo 
plea-ures  or  comforts  for  her  goverae*»,  sho  is  probably  no 
better  towards  her  husband,  her  friend.^,  or  anyone  she  is  not 
afraid  ot  As  to  slights,  anybody  may  hud  them  anywhere,  who 
looks  for  them  and  thinks  about  stlf 

Perhaps  it  would  he  well  if  the  lady  and  the  governess  both 
better  undci-stood  the  situation  of  the  lalttr.      She  is  a  L-idy 


HOME,    SCHOOL,    OU    GOVER.VLSS.  35 

with  a  profession,  jist  as  much  as  a  barrister  is  a  f^pntleniiin 
with  a  iirofft-sioii.  Tliat  jrofes^ion  id  to  t^ach  the  children,  and 
?U|>|'ly  the  jjlace  of  the  mother  when  slie  Is  enga^'cJ.  For  thij 
|)urpo-p,  f-he  is  rtsiileut  in  the  liouse ;  but  it  does  not  ar^ijue 
eitlier  slight  or  inferiority,  if  she  do  not  partakti  all  the  gaieties 
of  the  mother  an  1  ellt-r  daught-rs.  Ht-r  purpo-e  is  to  be  witli 
her  |iu:.ils  at  8i:eh  times  as  tlie  mother  cani.ot  attend  to  them 
and  thus  sthe  mu>t  share  tlioir  hour-.  Then  as  to  her  evenings  ; 
wliere  the  family  is  large,  or  thcro  is  a  continiiLd  coming  and 
goii'g  of  strang^^rs,  it  is  no  interru|)tioii  that  she  sliould  be  one 
of  tlie  cinle  ;  but  if  the  husband  and  wife,  and  one  son  or 
daughter,  or  the  like  small  nuuibeit),  are  the  onlinary  homo  st-t, 
a  person  of  really  ladydike  feeling  wouM  p.-rotive  it  to  be  as 
much  of  an  intrtision  to  come  constintly  among  them,  as  she 
woidd  think  it  if  ahe  lived  in  another  hoiis-'.  Most  likely,  if 
blie  be  a  sensible  jicrson,  she  is  glad  of  a  little  peace  to  read  iu 
or  «rite  her  1<  tters. 

I  have  called  a  governcM  a  laily  m ith  a  pioffssion.  L<t  hi  r 
think  what  that  profession  is,  and  what  her  place  as  a  polished 
corner  of  the  Temple.  Is  not  the  iraining  of  young  maidens 
for  tlicir  oHici  in  1  f^  a  holy  duty,  an  act  of  meuibereliip  to  the 
Cliuroh  1  Is  she  not  allowed  to  chip  at  tlie  shap'ng  and  beauti- 
fjiiig  of  thosv'  living  atones,  to  be  built  up  sdently  1  Dors  she 
feel  as  if  the  b  ing  paid  neutralized  it  as  direet  work  for  the 
Cliurch?  Sur.  ly  not.  It  rather  gives  it  an  earnB>tness  and 
eorisi-tcncy,  as  making  it  a  charge;  and  tlie  hire  — if  devoted,  as 
it  so  often  is,  to  maintaiu  a  p.irent  or  educate  a  brotlicr — ij 
"  holinef'S  unto  t!ie  Lonl."  I'lie  govt-rne-ss  who  teaches  history 
and  gf'Ogra[»liy,  and  h«ars  scal'-s  prac  is-d,  with  the  considentious 
(are  of  one  wiio  has  tlm  f  ar  of  (iod  b  fore  In  r  eyes,  is  just  as 
much  a  hanilmaid  of  the  ChiTclj,  as  if  she  wer^  a  nursing  or 
t»'aching  Si.-.ter  in  a  community. 

Surely  this  estiniate  of  iicr  own  pli'^e  .fchonld  help  her  so  to 
place  her  eloMren  and  their  welfare  first,  as  to  have  little  ob^-r 
vation  to  spend  on  the  drawbacks  of  any  family  whore  she 
oui^ht  to  engage  licr--tlf.     For,  of  couis-,  I  mean  tiiat  a  Christ  an 

D   2 


3G  WOMANKIND. 

wornnn  woulil  not  kno^irgly  allow  hersolf  to  ha  tf  mpteil  l>v  any 
a'lv;ihta;^'e8  into  a  houseiioM  wlicre  religion  was  S}8U'niatica!ly 
but  askle  or  igiioreil.  ]t  u  |»os-il)lt3  that  it  iiii;^lit  b'l  right  for  her 
to  go,  in  a  niis^s  oiiary  pjiirit,  or  to  remain,  in  a  lainily  where  tliore 
was  a  cart'lesa  tone ;  but  this  slie  couM  hanlly  venture  without 
tiu.stwo'tliy  counsel,  and  in  that  case  she  shmiM  ai-cept  the 
uniioyancea  in  the  same  spirit  as  she  would  those  of  a  nnlo 
cottager.  (jeneniUy  spuiking,  if  she  avoided  on  principle 
a  worldly  ungodly  house,  she  would  nl-o  avoiil  any  intentional 
ini.shiliaviour  or  ne^l.;ct  towards  h»T-«lf.  No  situation  id 
ff.  e  from  the  need  of  Warii'g  ai.d  furbcarir»g;  and  a  woinau 
in  a  straig'-r  household  is  more  exposed  to  it  than  any  other 
li'oiu  the  number  of  tiny  pcculiantie^i  that  jar  and  rub  oa 
cith>T  side. 

Take  the  other  sitle  of  the  (pioslion.  'iho  maninia,  per-uadcd 
reluctantly  ihat  tlie  children  iifed  moro  t-acldng  than  she  can 
bestow,  olit:iin3  the  gov«rnt'.>s  in  fear  and  dnad.  Slie  is  equally 
afraid  of  boring  lii-r  husband  With  a  strmgiM-,  and  of  huning 
the  governess's  fellings,  and  all  she  can  do  is  to  make  a  eort  of 
compromise,  by  bringing  t!io  governtss  into  the  «1  rawing- room 
whenevtT  there  is  any  ad<lition  to  the  family  partv,  or  when  her 
liusband  is  out;  but,  if  she  Iims  a  visit  from  a  brother,  sist.-r,  or 
very  intimate  frien<l,  it  is  du's  to  thiir  con. fort  not  to  interrupt 
their  brief  int  rco'irse  witli  h- r,  by  bringin).'  in  on  them  a  person 
who  may  indeed  be  on  clor'e  t  run  of  cordidence  with  herself, 
but  cannot  bn  the  same  with  tlieni.  It  is  no  ^lig' t,  for  she 
vould  do  the  same  by  an\one  with  whom  phe  wa^  not  on  formal 
tL-mis ;  and  a  governe.>-s  of  any  tai.t,  or  good  seise,  will  p»-rc'-ivp, 
and  acconinioiJute  herself.  In  the  iutimte  vari  ties  that  exi.'^t, 
general  rules  are  impossible ;  but  it  would  8<ciu  the  governess's 
wisest  way  never  to  obtrude  hers'-lf  without  b-ing  sure  that  ht-r 
company  is  desired,  and  in  the  case  of  visitois,  to  observe 
whether  they  appear  so  intimate  as  to  wish  for  privacy,  or 
whether  the  laJies  of  the  house  are  glad  of  assistance  in  enter- 
taiiiing  them.  "  Do  as  you  would  be  done  by  "  is  the  only  itile 
in  all  cases. 


HOME,  SCHOOL,  OR  GOVEUXESS.  37 

So  as  to  tljc  housel)old  ways  towarJs  the  governc?g.  There  is 
DC  need  to  be  sciitiracatal  about  litr  situation.  ]f  she  bo  a 
good  goverm  ss  and  rvise  woman,  it  is  a=!  uiU-k  her  prof-Sjion  as 
law  or  medicine  are  thoso  of  men.  Tieat  lier  as  a  lady  with  a 
vocation,  your  equal  in  brecclitig,  and  your  superior  in  certain 
acquirements  ;  but  do  rot  lot  her  iudul^lc.Licoa  iutitrfere  with  licr 
vo  a'ion,  save  exceptionally;  and  al>vavs  be  cousideiato  ia 
enabling  her  to  see  boolxs  and  papers,  or  to  talio  p::rt  in  any- 
tliing  intcn sting.  She  ehoidd  not  feci — like  Miss  Thackeray's 
Catharine — that  sho  ia  cut  ofr  from  all  that  is  bright  and 
plia-ant,  and  set  aside  from  all  that  occupies  young  people  of 
her  own  age. 

I  tliink  tbat  two  cla-^sos  of  noolcs  increase  the  evils.  There 
is  fir.^t  the  "jathctic  governess"  style,  the  effect  of  which  on 
the  govfrncss  herself  is  excellently  shewn  in  Miss  In;^elo'*'d 
Stud  its  for  Slories.  And  there  is  the  children's  book,  which 
represents  the  governess  as  a  wooden,  unsympathetic  person,  and 
quizzes  her  attempts  to  enforce  g.od  English  and  good  manners, 
and  to  impart  information.  Is  it  right  thus  to  teach  children 
nauglitiness,  and  not  to  lead  them  to  accept  readily  the  tiaining 
needful  fur  them  ? 

Tl)e  grown-up  giils  in  the  house  can  do  much  for  the  gover- 
ness's happiness.  Often  she  can  be  made  a  very  drlightful 
sympathizing  friuntl,  and  audience  for  all  their  experiences  ;  and 
even  if  she  be  not  suited  to  this  happy  role,  she  can  be  made 
much  happier  by  their  considerateness  in  bringing  her  flowers, 
books,  music,  (fcc,  and  telling  her  bits  of  news.  The  treatment 
sho  receives  from  the  servants  will  often  be  decided  by  their 
manner  lowards  her,  and  vray  of  speaking  of  her.  Wheth'  r 
the  condition  of  governesses  ever  receives  the  change  that  is 
talked  of,  depends  however  not  on  employer.-,  but  on  themselves  ; 
upon  their  efficiency,  and  on  their  self  respect — by  which  1  by  to 
means  iiitend  that  punctilio  which  can  bo  woundtd  at  all 
points,  but  that  simplicity  which  knows  its  place,  and  is  "not 
easily  provoked" 

For  my  own  part  I  much  prefer  Ecgllih  to  foreign  governesses, 


434135 


38  WOMANKIND. 

The  a"bsprcc  of  unity  ia  doctrine  seems  to  me  a  he?,v/  price  to 
pay  for  slightly  better  pronunciation  of  the  language,  6b''.  AVhat 
aft^-r  all  is  the  outward  conformity  of  the  Swisi,  Oi  German 
Protestant  1  Who  knows  under  what  circumstaucok,  ihe.  children 
may  be  left  to  the  governess's  guidance,  and  is  Lt  not  best 
that  she  slionLl  be  really  of  their  Church  ?  Besidta.  if  liistory 
is  not  to  be  L-arut  by  rote,  but  thouyhtfully,  .vbou/d  it  not  be 
read  with  one  whose  jirinciides  and  opinions  a.--  thj  same  with 
ours  ?  And  aunther  point  is  worthy  of  consido  jtioii.  It  is  not 
right  to  conilemn  a  whole  nation,  but  it  is  n./torious  that  the 
French  stiuidard  of  truth  is  Very  unlike  the  Lnglish,  sspecially 
in  Koraan  Catholics.  Uf  course  there  are  many  excellent 
foreign  governesses,  but  on  the  whole,  it  seems  to  me  that  the 
character  has  much  greater  chance  of  bting  furna-jO  bj  a  fellow- 
country  woman  aud  Cburch  woman. 


CHAPTER  VL 

LESSONS. 


DunixG  the  scho"lroom  years  there  is  a  ricfc??ity  of  being 
taught.  The  old  verb,  to  ham,  was  transitive,  and  I  will  take 
leave  so  to  use  it.  In  chQdhood  we  arc  leaint — afterwards  we 
learn. 

"When  will  jSIiss  Po.-am<md  have  Iniished  her  education?" 
}ia).soiieof  Mi.-s  Edgeworth's  foolish  ladies.  "Never,"  is  the 
answer. 

The  difference  is,  or  ought  to  be,  that  during  the  time  (^f 
tutelage,  much  mu^t  be  acquired  irre-pective  of  natural  taste 
and  ability.  Avhile  afterwards  mere  is  freedom  to  pursue  what- 
ever line  is  \\\-  st  obvious  and  agreeable. 

In  comes  tlie  que-tioi»,  Why  do  girls  learn  a  little  of  every- 
thing? a  smattering,  as  it  is  conteunduoasl}  colled.     Let  it  nok 


LESSONS.  39' 

be  a  smattering,  "but  a  foundation.  The  pliilosophy  of  the 
Uiatter  seems  to  be  tliis  :  woman  is  the  helpmeet,  and  it  is 
impossible  to  predict  in  what  line  her  aid  and  sympathy  may  be 
needed;  ther<-lbie  it  is  well  to  give  her  the  germs  of  many 
varitti'  s  of  acquiremeut  in  readiness  to  be  developed  on 
occasion. 

Of  course  there  are  certain  demands  of  the  present  level  of 
culture  to  wiiich  every  girl  has  to  be  worked  up  alike,  if  she 
would  be  spared  <li!-<4race  and  mortification,  and  be  on  equal 
terms  witli  those  about  lier. 

I  suppose  the  lowest  standard  f  )r  a  lady  must  include,  besides 
reading  aloud,  tolerable  comj.osit  on  of  a  letter,  and  arithmetic 
enough  for  accounts,  respectably  graujuiatieal  language,  and 
correct  pronuucidtion ;  comnjaud  of  the  liaibs  and  figure, 
facility  in  understanditjg  French,  history  enough  not  to  con- 
fmud  Konians  with  Greeks,  and  some  fu  ler  knowledge  of  that 
of  Eugldud,  with  so  much  geography  as  to  avoid  preposterous 
blunders,  dexterity  in  needlework,  and  general  information  and 
literature  sufficient  to  know  what  people  are  talking  about. 

This  is  indeed  a  minimum.  Some  knowledge  of  music  is 
almost  always  added,  and  less  invariably  the  power  of  using  a 
pencil ;  but  wiihnut  one  or  either  (f  these,  a  person  may  pass  in 
the  crowd  without  being  remarked  for  falling  beneath  ordinary 
iriediocrity.  The  mo-t  fiivolous  mother  knows  that  the  most 
fiivolous  girl  must  learn  tlius  much,  and  be  up  to  a  kind 
of  Matigi  all's  Questions  i)ercei)tion  of  things  in  general. 

Uf  couise  this  shallow  surface  ought  to  mean  such  gram- 
matical instru'-tioH  in  English  as  to  njake  s-lip-slop  impossible 
and  disgii.>-ting,  and  render  the  language  and  its  constructioa 
real  matter  of  iotenst.  This  is  perhaps  be.-t  learnt,  not  by  the 
old-fa-ihioned  theme,  but  by  accounts  of  something  that  has 
been  read,  or  by  tianslatious,  very  carefully  revised,  and  made 
into  good  English.  X,  li. — Nobody  would  imagine  how  very 
few  people  there  are  caiiable  of  making  a  goo  1  prose  translation, 
even  when  the  original  language  is  perfectly  under^tood ;  and 
early  pains  to  make  a  trai;slatiou  good  readable  current  English, 


40  WOMANKIND. 

ai  d  yet  give  the  spirit  of  the  oriyinal,  tend  to  tf'ach  a  great  deal 
of  the  i'lioni  atid  ana'omy  of  both  ]an;.',ua<j«s.  Correct  English, 
neither  careless,  stilted,  nf>r  slangy,  i,,  becoming  more  and  more 
rarp  ;  Imt  it  is  a  mark  of  real  refinement  f'f  mind  and  cultivation. 
If  siiu[)le  in  tlie  choice  of  w  orils  aijd  turn  of  pliiasep,  it  need  never 
give  the  idt  a  of  fnrrnal  prtcision  :  t.g.  "I  shall  be^in  to  write  to 
ray  mother,"  is  iiiii.  it -ly  bett-  r  tliau  *'  I  shall  commence  to  write 
home,"  which  is  nut  •iraujniafical,  sincn  commence  ought  to  be 
followed  by  a  noun  instead  (>f  an  itifinitive,  and  home  is  not  an 
adverb.  "I  shall  commence  my  letter  to  my  molher,"  is  gram- 
matical, but  has  a  sound  of  alfettaiion.  To  learn  grammar 
thoroiiglily,  and  then  use  it,  shnuld  be  the  traiiiitig  of  every  lady 
in  the  land  ;  and  it  is  rather  hard  to  find  that  story-books 
unanimously  rfpresent  insistance  <m  it  as  a  governess'8  way  of 
making  her.-elf  tiresome.  Is  it  owing  to  this  that  the  poor  verbs 
to  lie  and  to  lay  are  so  cruelly  misused,  and  that  there  is  a 
g-neral  niisajiprehension  about  the  verb  to  dare? 

People  g-^nerally  say  that  granmiar  is  bet'er  learnt  through 
another  language  than  our  own ;  and  tliis  is  true  to  a  certain 
extent,  provided  they  do  not  mean  colloquial  French  through  a 
bonne,  and  German  by  the  Ollen  lorf  mi  thod.  I  say  only  to  a 
eeitaiu  extent,  even  when  the  second  language  has  been  really 
and  (grammatically  learnt,  becau-!e,  though  a  general  knowledge 
of  grammar  in  the  abstract  is  thus  actpiired,  the  idioms  and 
l)rculiarities  of  the  acquire<l  toi'gae  are  the  study,  while  our  own 
are  left  to  the  light  of  nature,  jjractice,  and  observation.  It 
seems  to  me  that  after  tlie  first  baby  foundations  of  the  paits  of 
s[)eech  are  laid,  and  o  d  nary  s-peech  and  writing  made  coirect, 
tliat  one  foreign  grammar,  no  ma'ter  what,  .'^hoidd  be  thoroughly 
tauj^ht,  and  then  tha*  the  constructi  n  of  any  additional  lanj^uage 
vill  be  easily  acquired,  while  in  the  litter  year  or  two  of  educa- 
tion, some  very  thorough  b^'ok  on  English  grammar  should  be 
well  got  up.  Those  provided  for  traiidng-«chools  are  generally 
excellent  of  their  kind  ;  and  the  practice  of  thorough  analyzing 
a  sentence  is  a  very  useful  orie.  It  is  a  good  thing  when  gram- 
mar passes  into  lo^ic;  and  ihou^^li  even  the  rudiments  of  logic 


LESSON'S.  41 

are  a  little  bpyond  the  schoolroom  grasp  of  mind,  a  gitl  wlio 
has  the  capacity  would  do  well  to  cultivate  them,  not  so  much 
for  their  own  sake,  as  because  the  power  of  reasoning  is  a  most 
important  element  In  having  a  right  judgment  in  all  things. 

As  to  other  languages,  French  is  a  ntcessity.  To  speak  it 
with  perfect  ease  and  a  Parisian  accent  is  a  iis>uul  and  graceful 
accomplishment,  only  to  be  acquired  by  intercourse  with  natives 
early  enough  in  life  for  the  organs  to  be  fl'-xib'e  ;  but  this  is 
only  exceptionally  an  entire  matter  of  neces.-iry.  French  after 
"the  school  of  IStratlbrd-le-Bowe"  has  been  prevalent  amou^ 
educated  Englishwomen  ever  since  Chaucer's  time ;  and  a 
thorough  grammatical  knowledge,  with  such  pionunciation  as 
can  be  obtained  through  good  les.-ons,  is  to  stay-athonie  jn'ople 
more  valuable  than  mere  tuse  of  speech,  which  they  only  rarely 
have  to  exercise. 

But  if  it  be  needful,  a  German  houne  is  generally  kind,  true, 
and  faithful,  and  not  likely  to  do  harm  to  little  children.  It 
is  the  further  advantage  in  making  this  pronunciation  a  nursery, 
not  a  schoolroom  matter,  that  no  girl  rtr-adag  ancient  history 
with  a  foreigner  has  a  chance  of  hearing  the  usual  English 
pronunciation  of  the  classical  names.  To  me  it  seems  that  the 
f^shion  of  teaching  German  as  a  Uiatter  of  course  is  rather  a 
pity.  1  had  rather  make  Latin  the  schoolroom  lesson,  and 
have  German  to  be  volunteertrd  afterwards.  German  is  so 
difficult,  as  to  require  a  great  deal  of  time ;  and  it  is  so  irregular, 
as  not  to  be  the  key  to  nearly  so  much  as  Latin — in  learning  v\  hich 
it  is  quite  possible  to  learn  the  great  outlines  of  both  French 
and  Italian — at  any  rate,  the  study  of  both,  alike  iu  construction 
and  words,  is  much  sim]ilified,  since  both  are  Latin  broken  in 
different  ways.  German  leads  to  nothing  (except  in  the  case  oi 
philology)  but  reading  its  own  litciatme  ;  whereas  Latin  is 
needful  for  clear  knowledge  of  our  own  tongue,  and  moreover 
gives  much  greater  facility  of  comprehension  and  power  of 
exactness  in  the  terminology  of  every  other  science,  from 
Theology  downwards.  Latin,  and  at  least  enough  Greek  lo 
read  the  words  and  find  them  in  the  lexicon,  are  real  powtrs, 


43  WOMAXKIXD. 

"With  the  knowli  dge  of  grammar  thus  acquire<^,  Gptman  might 
"be  one  of  the  i-tudies  taken  up  in  the  later  joung-laiiy  days, 
though  it  is  a  pity  it  should  now  always  have  the  preference  to 
Italian,  the  language  of  Dante,  T<isso.  and  Manzmi. 

A  woman's  practical  arithmetic  is  said  to  consist  in  kee|  ing 
her  acco'int-!.  But  it"  she  ui.d»-r:ake3  the  care  of  any  cliari'y, 
she  often  netds  to  know  I  ook-keeping  ;  and  for  useful  training 
of  the  mind,  apart  from  utilitarianism,  I  have  gtfSit  faith  in 
arithmetic.  Heads  are  very  ditfer»-nt ;  and  in  some  few  rases 
there  would  seem  to  be  almost  an  incapacity  for  it,  certainly  a 
great  aversion.  Often  this  dislike  arises  from  bad  teaching  at 
first,  never  entin-ly  surmount*  d,  or  from  being  dragged  on 
beyond  the  power  of  following.  In  mental  arithmetic,  the  child 
of  slow  calculatiou  sf  ouLi  not  be  put  in  contact  with  the  quick 
one,  or  it  never  understands  at  alL 

It  seems  to  me  that  intelligent  arithm-tic  is  sometimes 
attempted  too  soon.  Some  jir-cfsses  are  really  bett'-r  done 
mechanically  and  by  the  memory  than  by  inti-Uect'ial  f  ^rce  ; 
and  most  people  are  capable  of  working  a  sum  long  before  they 
can  comprehend  it.  Few  of  us  but  could  do  a  long-multipli- 
cation or  long-divi-ion  sum  on  oi.casJon,  but  I  suspect  that  oidy 
persons  employed  in  teaching  could  instantly  explain  why  the 
one  becomes  a  flight  of  steps,. and  the  other  "a  long  ladder  of 
tigures."  I  doubt  if  the  brain  can  take  in  the  full  idea  b<ffore 
eleven  or  twelve  ytars  old,  though  the  mechanital  operation  may 
be  peiformed  with  perfect  eas**,  *'  a  sort  of  conjuring,"  as  some 
inspector  contem[>tuou?ly  says  of  girls'  arithmetic. 

Let  it  be  eonjuring  then  at  first,  only  do  not  give  very  luug 
difficult  sums  to  be  done  without  a-si^tance.  The  i-train  of 
attention  is  too  great  and  too  long,  and  the  toil  cansed  by  a 
blander  disheartening.  Shorter  "  problems,"  always  proved, 
ttath  a  great  deal  more,  with  much  less  di.-gu>t  Proof  shonM 
be  required,  for  Cotablishing  that  the  corrcctmss  of  the  answer 
does  not  depend  upon  the  caprice  of  the  key,  but  is  really  a  fact 
and  cannot  be  otherwise.  It  shows  how  ahd.  why  a  blunder  in 
the  working  affects  the  retult,  and  assists  in  nnderotanding  the 


LESSONS.  43 

principle  ;  moreover,  it  assists  iu  preventing  one  rule  from  being 
forgotten  while  another  is  being  mastered.  I  Vlieve  we  do  not 
really  know  anything  till  it  becomes  the  meaiis  of  learning 
Fomething  else.  Our  la^t  acquii-ition  may  always  tiy  away  till  it 
has  been  rammed  down  with  something  above  it ;  and  thus  the 
past  rule  is  best  secured  by  becoming  the  means  of  learning  tlie 
n-w  one. 

Mechanical  arithmetic  extends,  we  should  say,  as  far  as 
Practice,  and  ought  to  l>e  worked  well  through  by  eleven  or 
twelve  years  old.  It  is  best  to  go  through  all  the  varieties  of 
weights  and  measures,  not  for  the  sake  of  learning  how  to  work 
them,  but  of  fixing  them  in  tbe  memory,  and  using  them 
does  this  far  better  than  learning  them  by  heart.  There  arc 
exceptional  being-!,  who  like  j\lrs.  Mozleys  Bessie  Gray,  learu 
arithmetic  with  their  understanding,  and  cannot  get  on  without 
appreciating  the  reason  why ;  but  these  are  not  common. 
Xature  makes  the  childish  brain  willing  1o  take  an  immense 
deal  of  rote  work  rather  than  use  one  eflbrt  to  think;  and 
we  believe  she  is  riglit.  It  is  thinking,  not  learning  nor  work- 
ing, that  damages  ;  and  the  memory  may  be  stored,  and  facility 
of  working  can  be  obtained,  without  that  dangerous  feat  of 
comprehension  and  deduction  which  is  what  "  pressing  a  child 
too  much  "  really  means. 

Between  ten  and  thirteen,  according  to  their  powers,  girls  shoidl 
begin  at  the  beginning  of  some  easy  b  ok  of  scientific  arithraeti'-. 
De  Morgan's  is  a  very  good  one.  They  shouLl  read  it  a'oud 
with  a  thorough-going  person,  who  will  not  let  them  1-ap  over 
the  self-evident  foundations  that  they  will  view  as  insult-^  to 
their  understanding.  The  real  meaning  of  the  working  of  tlie 
first  four  rules,  there  mastered,  leads  on  the  vulgar  Iractions^ 
j>roportion,  and  decimals  ;  and  only  the  minds  which  are  morn 
than  commonly  blind  to  calculation  can  help  comprehending 
and  being  interested. 

Somewhere  about  this  time  a  be^jinninfj  of  mathematics  should 
be  made.  Long  previously  the  primary  terms  should  have  been 
accurately  understood.     Heading,  or  geography,  iu  fact,   must 


44  •WOv^NKIXD. 

lead  to  the  learning  the  difference  between  an  angle  and  a 
triangle,  about  i  ardllel.-»,  lectanyL.s,  and  the  like.  x^.B. —  If 
the  te.ichtr  hap[ieus  to  find  her  own  head  in  confusioii  on  the 
subject,  f^he  had  better  look  the  detinitions  up  ab  the  bi  ginning 
of  the  hooks  of  Euclid.  Nobody  can  teach  properly  or  under- 
stand aciurat'ly,  who  altL-riiately  talks  of  a  hexagou  and  a 
S'-xagon,  or  who  does  not  perceive  that  an  angle  of  ninety 
dt-grees  must  be  a  right  an.le.  Tnerc  are  thing-i  wiiich  a  person 
of  moderate  capacity  can  gather  wlnle  reading,  but  that  cannot 
be  taught  witliout  being  learnt  instead  of  p  eked  np.  It  is 
absolute  amusement  to  childien  to  be  taugl.t  to  use  a  case  of 
instruments,  and  the  names  and  souicthing  of  the  naturt-s  of 
tlie  simpler  mathematical  figures;  and  the  inanntr  of  drawing 
them  can  be  taught  them  as  part  of  that  rational  oci.upation 
which  is  the  next  thing  to  pl'y.  Even  girls'  pateli-woik  tan  be 
the  foundation  of  a  good  deal  of  ical  experimental  information, 
if  it  be  drawn  on  as^mmelr.cal  uetign,  requiring  as  it  does 
perfect  exactness. 

But  it  is  well  towards  the  enil  of  the  schoolroom  course  to 
study  the  earlier  books  of  Eu(  lid,  more  perhaps  for  the  sake  of 
the  reasoning  tlian  of  tlie  knowli  dge,  Obsuve,  this  is  not  to 
be  enforced  upon  beings  devoid  of  all  mathematical  capacity,  of 
whom  both  sexes  po-^sess  some  specimens  of  averr;ge  intt-llei  t 
in  other  respects.  These,  if  hard  driven,  will  learn  the  propo- 
sitions by  a  feat  of  memo'y,  but  llev^r  conipieliend  a  word  of 
them.  They  must  Le  given  up,  ju;t  as  the  earless  are  given  up 
as  to  music. 

The  disc'pline  of  mathemntics  is,  however,  Vf-ry  valuable  to 
the  feminine  creature  in  itself,  and  it  is  the  key  to  a  great  deal 
more,  above  all  when  the  point  is  reached  where  the  properties 
of  plane  figures  begin  to  meet  and  rx|  lain  the  operations  of 
arithmetic.  I  remember  to  this  hour  the  di light  of  finding  tlie 
meaning  of  tlie  working  of  ascpiare-ioot  sum.  It.isan  immense 
stage  in  life  to  rise,  even  for  a  n.oment,  above  the  rule  of  thumb. 

Algebra  and  the  further  study  of  geometry  are  very  good  to 
be  carried  on  bejond  the  schoolioom.     Indeed,  those  who  have 


LESS0K3.  45 

capacity  and  opportunity,  and  who  have  gonetlirougli  arithmetic, 
peihaps  as  far  as  the  cube  root,  by  the  last  year  of  their  scliool- 
room  life,  had  better  be  then  initiated  into  algebra,  for  the  sake 
of  pimplitjing  the  operations  they  are  learning  to  uudtrdtaiid, 
and  for  the  benefit  that  the  compreheusiou  of  the  symbols  will 
be  in  every  other  study. 

But  we  may  hardly  repeat  too  often,  the  schoolroom  is  tlie 
place  for  learning  beginnitig.s.  Afterwards  the  pursuit  of 
the  study  depends  upon  taste  and  circumstance.  Nobody  is 
obliged  to  know  more  arithmetic  than  enough  to  keep  the 
account^,  but  those  who  have  the  caiacity will  do  well  by 
themselves  if  they  cany  on  the  sludy;  and  not  only  by 
themselves,  for  who  can  tell  what  opportunities  of  assisting 
brother,  father,  husband,  or  son,  this  cidtivateil  power  may  not 
give  them ;  nay,  in  the  lowest  and  most  utilitarian  view,  the 
i^arae  instruct'on  that  enables  them  to  appreciate  the  vasttheorits 
of  astronomy  serves  to  reckou  the  quantity  of  carpeting  needtd 
for  a  room. 

80  again,  a  moderate  knowIei''ge  of  history  is  de  rirueur  ;  but 
there  are  persons  so  con.-tituteil  that  they  can  take  no  interest 
in  the  past.  Neither  the  grt  at  chai'gi  s  which  deal  with  the 
welfare  of  nations,  the  striking  chara^t'^rs,  nor  the  romantii; 
incidents,  have  power  to  touch  them  ;  they  cannot  j.rojt-ct  their 
imagination  into  bygone  days,  1  or  care  about  that  which  is  not 
in  immediate  action.  These  mu>t  go  through  historical  study 
enough  not  to  be  liable  to  absurd  blunders;  and  int'lligent 
teaching  would  probably  make  it  much  more  interetting  to  them, 
by  showing  the  beaiing  upon  the  present. 

Hi.-tory  should  be  taught  from  the  first  moment  that  reading 
has  become  not  so  much  an  ait  as  a  stej. ping-stone.  The  names 
and  dab  s  of  English  kings  are,  to  the  rest  of  history,  much  Avliat 
the  multiplication  table  is  to  arithmetic,  aud  so  the  succession 
and  some  idea  connected  with  each  Tiame  shoull  be  got  into  the 
head  as  soon  as  possible ;  and  many  of  the  old  traditions  are 
jus-t  as  necessary  to  be  known  as  if  they  were  arithmetic.  King 
Alfred  and  the  cakes,  Knut  and  the  tide,  the  Conqueror  and  the 


46  WOMANKIND. 

curfew,  Tiufiis  and  the  arrow — all  are  connections  that  can  be 
established  in  the  first  lustre,  and  serve  as  foundations  for  life. 
Some  wise  man  recommended  teaching  history  backwards, 
beginning  with  the  Eeform  Bill.  I  wonder  whether  he  evei 
tried  it  upon  children,  or  reasoned  only  from  men,  to  whom 
elections  are  realities,  and  who  may  need  to  bo  shown  the  why 
and  wherefore. 

The  childish  mind  can  take  in  small  personal  detail-i,  but 
nothing  of  large  interests  ;  and  the  best  way  to  give  the  frame- 
work upon  which  the  structure  of  real  knowledge  is  to  be  built, 
is  to  connect  the  name  with  an  idea  that  can  he  grasped,  and 
that  gives  a  sense  of  amusement.  If  Little  Arthurs  History 
were  not  so  flagrantly  incorrect,  it  would  answer  the  purj  ose  ; 
but  I  have  felt  the  need  of  another  so  much  as  to  writH  Aunt 
Charlottes  Stories  of  the  History  of  Evgland.  (Marcus  Ward  ) 
On  this  the  names  and  dates  can  be  grafted,  and  should  be 
rehearsed  often  enough  to  make  them  always  within  call  by  the 
memory  in  after  life.  Thire  is  generally  connection  enough 
with  France  to  make  the  name  of  the  king  of  one  country 
recall  that  of  his  contemporary,  and  almost  all  the  other  conti- 
nental powers  were  in  like  manner  connected  with  France,  so 
that  a  certain  knowledge  of  English  dates  enables  those  of  the 
rest  of  modern  history  to  be  perceived  with  sufii  ;ient  accuray 
for  common  purposes,  though  not  for  an  examination. 

This  course  of  easy  English  hi.^tory  should  begin  as  soon  as  the 
art  of  reading  has  been  attained  with  facility  enough  to  allow  of 
story-books  being  laid  aside  as  lesfons — a  time  A'^arying  from  five 
to  eight,  according  to  the  mechanical  reiding  powers  of  the  child 
or  the  abilities  of  the  teacher  in  imp  irting  what  is  really  the  mn>t 
difficult  though  the  earliest  acquisition  of  our  lives,  the  linking 
sounds  to  signs.  If  the  child  cannot  read  well  enough,  the 
names  and  stories  should  be  told  or  read  to  it  in  association  with 
pictures.  Anyway  this  alphabet  should  be  acquired  by  seven  or 
eight  years  old,  and  kept  up  by  rehearsals  of  dates  or  writing  out 
when  another  book  is  taken  in  hand. 

This  book  had  better  be  some  outline  of   ancient  history 


LESSON'3.  47 

lliere  is  sufficient  anal  gv  between  the  chi] JliooJ  of  iuJiviJuals 
and  the  childhood  of  nation?,  to  make  early  history,  when 
motives  are  simple,  and  passions  on  tlie  suiface,  much  more 
easy  to  enter  into  than  the  later  complicat'ons  of  politics. 
Moreover,  at  r.even,  eight,  or  nine,  the  mind  is  developed  enough 
to  acquire  that  which  is  perhaps  one  of  the  great  distim  tioris 
between  the  cultivated  and  uncultivated — some  sense  of  the 
perspective  of  history.  And  there  is,  or  ought  to  be,  Fufficieiit 
knowledge  of  Scripture  events  to  serve  as  some  amount  of 
.scaffolding.  If  the  child  comes  t)  this  point ^'mw^r,  Maria  Hack's 
True  kitaries  from  Ancient  llutory  or  Aunt  Charlottes  GrecioM 
and  Roman  History  serve  very  wtll  to  give  a  warm  ititere.-«t 
in  individuals ;  or  for  a  somewhat  more  advanced  cluLl, 
Landmarks  of  Ancient  History  connect  the  "  five  empires  "  with 
the  Bible  narrative. 

This  will  last  about  a  year,  by  which  time  the  mind  will  be 
grown  enough  for  a  somewhat  more  detailed  English  history, 
either  the  "  Kings  of  England  "  or  the  "  JN'ew  School  History  of 
England"  (Parker) — the  ancient  history  being  meantime  kept 
up,  as  the  Eiglish  before,  by  repetition  of  da^es.  That  admir- 
able chart.  Stork's  "  Stream  of  Time,"  ought  to  be  in  every 
school-room,  if  only  it  were  adapted  to  modern  discuveries  and 
brought  down  to  the  present  time.     It  teachts  by  the  eye 

**How  changing  empires  wane  and  wax, 
Are  founded,  flourish,  and  decay," 

more  plainly  than  almost  any  amount  of  study  or  of  oral 
instruction,  and  it  is  preferable  to  Le  Sage's  tables  (which  also 
need  renewing  and  modernizing),  inasmucli  as  they  are  shut  up 
in  a  book,  and  this  hangs,  or  should  hang,  on  the  wall.  Who 
that  has  loitered  near  it  can  forget  the  sti  earns  of  ancient  realms 
falling  into  the  Macedonian  Empire,  and  in  one  generation,  break- 
ing forth  from  it  again  only  to  fatten  the  Roman  Empire,  which 
Boon  after  its  plethora  begins  to  wax  lean  and  emit  the  more 
modern  nations  1     Who  can  forget  this,  who  has  seen  it  with 


48  WOMANKIND. 

iVieir   eyes,   anrl    referred  to   it  with  their  reading?      N.B. — 
Historical  reading  should  always  be  accompanied  by  maps. 

Looking  out  the  places  is  one  of  the  works  mot-t  wearying  to 
human  indolence,  but  which  best  rewaids  itself  in  the  clearness 
and  interest  it  gives  ;  and  as  cliildren  like  anything  that  breaks 
the  continuity  of  a  lesson,  they  are  sure  to  be  jilea^ed  by  it. 
Maps  are  so  cheap  now  tliat  they  can  be  had  in  sufficient 
numbers  to  provide  each  child  with  one,  and  if  intelligently 
used,  i.e.  pointing  to  the  shape  of  the  harbour,  the  proximity  of 
a  mountain,  or  the  river  whote  passage  caused  the  batile,  they 
obtain  life  and  animation. 

After  the  more  detiiled  Eriglish  history  course,  it  maybe  well 
to  go  back  to  ancient  history  with  Miss  Se well's  admirable 
"Greece"  and  "Eome."  Mythology  is  so  entertaining,  that  it 
can  be  pretty  well  imparted  by  a  discreet  lue  of  Kingsley's  ami 
Cox's  tales,  which  are  just  what  might  be  read  aloud  to  little 
girls  at  needlework  ;  and  then  might  follow  a  tran.-latiou  of 
Homer,  which  hardly  ever  fails  to  interest  and  deliyht  much 
younger  than  some  would  suppose.  Translations  of  the  Greek 
tragedians  can  carry  on  the  course.  The  ^iieid,  if  girls  learn 
Latin,  should  be  reserved  to  be  read  in  the  original. 

After  this  ancient  course,  I  believe  my  own  Landmarlcs  of 
the  Middle  Ages  and  of  Modern  History  will  answer  best  for 
sketching  European  history.  And  giod  historical  novels  and 
poetry  had  better  be  used  to  illustrate  them,  being  either  read 
aloud  while  the  girls  work  or  draw,  or  put  into  their  hands  as  a 
favour.  Many  of.  G.  P.  E.  James's  novels  may  be  very  well 
applied  to  this  purpose.  They  by  no  means  deserve  the  c«)n- 
tempt  that  has  been  bestowed  on  them  ;  their  romance  is  always 
pure  and  high-minded,  and  the  characters  and  manners  are 
carefully  studied.  The  faults — namely,  want  of  variety,  and 
lack  of  power  to  rise  to  the  highest  class  of  portraiture — do  not 
tell  in  this  kind  of  reading;  and  where  there  is  a  hiatus  in  the 
course  of  Scutt,  the  "  two  travellers "  will  be  found  very 
valuable. 

Shak<  speare's  historical  plays  should  of  course  be  read  in 


LESSONS.  49 

iTicir  places,  ancient  and  modern ;  and  ScolL's  poems  in  the  same 
manner. 

The  cour!=ie  of  history  described  above  v,Ul  p^obablj'  last  till 
the  girl  is  thirteen  or  fourteen  years  old:  and  then,  if  she  be 
intf^^lligeiit  and  capable,  1  would  entreat  that  her  farther  his- 
torical r.  ailing  should  be  of  some  real  hooV,  rot  an  abrii^gnieut 
or  compilation.  7'alfis  of  a  Grandfather  I  should  reckon  as 
real  reading;  and  it'  the  chiLI  bo  not  advanced  or  studious 
enough  to  read  tlioni  for  herself,  it  would  be  better  to  mako 
them  the  reailing  lesson.  There  arc  historical  eri'ors  here  and 
there,  but  tlie^e  can  be  corrected  ;  ajid  the  coj)tai;t  with  a  really 
povviiful  thinking  mind  is  so  important  a  part  of  education,  that 
it  ought  not  to  be  sacrifictd  to  the  mere  fact-crauuoiag.  Tho 
skeleton  of  chronology  once  learnt,  and  the  power  of  easy  writing 
attained,  the  facts  can  be  kept  uj)  and  put  ia  by  other  means  ; 
but  after  tvvtlve  years  old,  his'.or}' should  be  read  aloud  from 
authors  of  real  force  and  KI3  le. 

If  French  be  by  this  time  familiar,  French  history  had  better 
be  read  thro  igh  that  medium,  and  stories  be  dropped  into  read- 
ing for  amusement,  or  only  used  occasionally  as  a  treat  on  semi- 
holidays  after  the  language  is  once  mastered.  Historical  reading 
ought  to  be  the  hsbit  of  many  year--,  so  that  there  is  much  more 
advantage  in  giving  the  impidse  to  read  a  long  book  without 
alarm,  than  in  gad  'ping  through  any  form  of  history  made 
rasy.  The  custom  of  hunting  d';\vn  a  subject  by  its  date  in  as 
full  or  as  origiTial  a  history  as  lies  withi>i  reach,  should  also  be 
tanglit  about  this  time;  and  this  can  often  be  done  by  proposing 
a  subject — say  tiie  account  of  s  >nie  baitl<',  or  siege,  or  some 
biogra[)hy,  and  awarding  the  n;ccd  of  hoiiuui"  to  the  lullett  and 
m^.SL  uccoiatc  touj]vuaiUo:i, 


50  WOMAN  KIXDW 

ciiAriLi:  viL 

OULTUKIL 

Arrrn  all.  l1)o  tnio  wny  to  tnako  Ic^sonii  !nt<'r»'»li''{»,  U  V>  Id 
(he  }oui*g  |>*«>|>lu  foil  ii.itiirally  iu  the  way  uf  lulUvaUU  coo« 
vcrKntioii.  When  "  Uvur^n  VMot "  ahova  Mn.  llultcurtti'Vin^  to 
thu  ^•u^t  of  a  Kit)  r,  uiiiU  r  l! 

ano-Htor  of  th«  fuiuiljTi  elc;  ' ' 

whirh  rBndi'ra  instruction  to  rtrj  thallow  in  tho«o  who  do  not 
ljflon^»  in  fAiiiiliiM  whi  •  "   r*  nf  art  or  li*  > 

ilaily  litV.    Anyone  «:  •U  tu  ttach  {> 

or  gt'og^niphy  |H<rcrivrii  thin.  Thuy  ran  apprvtiend  the  (act*  «ilh 
OA  niUch  int- !'  ''  '  '  '     '  '    '    t 

th»'y  foigul  I  i 

with  thuni  in  tlHtr  daily  li*t),  ami  no  one  at  home  would  care  to 
luar  uf  then)  ;  anil  tht«  iniiifTcrvncc  prevail*  a  good  wny  aliove 
|iovuity.  If  the  |iart!i>t4  aud  thu  «4x4i  ty  care  fur  culttvatioo, 
UQihing  is  »-o  gi>o«l  fur  the  int*  llig^^nce  of  their  growing  girU  oa 
to  U' ali"\\<d  to  hear  inU  rvatiMg  convi-rvatiun,  nut  uucrManly 
juiiiiiig  ill  it,  but  U'ing  tau;.;ht  to  think  it  a  pnvilrpj  to  ait  and 
listen,  aud  being  sumuiur.ly  |  r»  vci.l«nl   fnjtn  ch   '  ^ 

thviust-lvcv.     'Ihi.H,  h)  th«-  l>y,  when  b-guii  oa  a  »<  :  l, 

adlic-rvd  for  lif«',  and  Ucoiuira  a  nni^at'or,  with  tb«  bo<i  inteu- 
lion.4.  Some  of  the  bv^-t  and  k indict  ladiia  in  the  world 
imagine  thut  a  i>«.>r>on  siitiog  sih'iit  niu-t  fci-l  negli>ctod,  and  will 
rufh  arro  s  to  oicupy,  with  some  improvianl  conioionplac*,  iha 
ears  tliat  wero  tagt-ily  liat*ning  to  an  int*-rvaling  diiicufsion. 
Tht  se  are  g''ii»  rail)  i-ithcr  j»«0|>lo  who  have  been  secluded  in  the 
schoulioom  all  their  girlh«»o<l,  or  eb«  who  have  belonged  to 
largo  laiiiUi* s,  and  l>»en  a(.custou>cd  to  kif p  up  au  undtrcurrpnt 
of  wliisp'ri>,  \\h:lu  their  parents  aiid  tht-ir  gucsta  were  taJking. 
Tho>e  who  have  iiev.  r  lived  out  of  the  schoolroom,  nor  shared 
tlieir  }'aa>uto'  iut<.r(.s  s,  but  have  dt2)cudcd  for  LOiiVersatioa  oa 


CULT  U  HE. 


51 


a  govornrs=<,  who  horsc-lf  haa  r.o  rargo  bryonJ  tlicirs,  are  often 
iiiarvelloudly    ignonmt   of    cominoa   things   and   the   ways   of 
onliiiary  lile,  not   to  much   for  want  of  liaving  learnt  them, 
or  read  them,  as  for  want  of  seeing  them  put  into  pr.ictice. 
St<iry-hook8   uro  very  apt,  uukin<lly  and   mischievously,  to 
(le-<(;tihe  tlif  governess  as  making  hrrs  If  disagree ahle,  hy  con- 
tinually calling  tho  chiMiiin  to  order  for  their  slip-slop  speech, 
and  by  administering  bits  of  infornntion  in  the  driest  manner. 
Kow  if  Ihero  is  to  bo  tho  cidtiiro  of  scenery  and  association  in 
our  lives,  surely  it  is  Ix-ttcr  to  repr.'sent  it  as  ph-.i-ant,  instead 
of  oppn^ssive,  to  bo  shown  tho  cariosities  and  taught  tho  history 
of  our  calhtd^al!^  and  ruins ;  and  a  f>rr.-'0D  in  hardly  to  be  called 
ppipi-rly  educated  who  u  Ixirud  by  tho  real  jieculiarities  of  tho 
sights  she  pees.     Who  does  not  know   the  dilferenco  between 
showing  a  lion  to  atj  apj>ivciativo  oh  ervcr,  and  to  one  to  whom 
it  u  only  gape-sc*  d  and  an  excus'i  for  au  exixrditiou  t     And  this 
power    of    iiit  lligi'nt    observation    can    best    bo    cultivated    in 
clidtlren   by  heedful   attontion  ;    not  tormenting  or  opprwsing 
tho  holiday,  but  encouraging  and  following  up  tho  observations 
tliey  are  <piito  willing  to  make  for  thfiiis»-lve-«,  though  generjlly 
II' it  at  thij  time  nor  in  the  way  tlioir  elders   avouM   cut  out  for 
ilit'uj.     Do  content  to  arc'pt  their  had,  and  you  can  make  a 
pr»'at  deal  of  tlniii — o^pu  though  in  t'lo  very  midst  they  may 
turn  into  fairies,  or  anythine  tlso  tliat  is  wholly  irrelevant  and 
frivolous.     "  IIuw  to  see  sigliti "  u  no  inconsiderable  part  of 
education. 

lliere  are  two  classes  of  intoMig'^tt  s-rrs  —  one  whoso  bent  is 
tu  what,  for  want  of  a  b*  tter  nann-,  may  be  calh-d  the  romantic  ; 
llie  other,  to  the  scient'fic.  Soinetinji-s  thfse  meet  in  the  same 
p -rson,  but  not  very  often.  The  same,  whether  young  or  old, 
who  is  excited  almiit  the  baroM  who  d«-fended  the  ruined  castlo, 
or  the  monk  who  built  tlie  ahht-y,  will  piohnbly  b<)  tininterested 
in  the  curve  of  the  arch  that  h:is  dffied  time,  or  tlie  pi  Hits  that 
wave  on  tli«!  battl-ments  ;  but  p'Ovid«^d  there  id  some  rt-al  notion 
carried  away,  wliut  it  is  must  bo  !•  ft  to  rl  aract^r.  Such  a  habit 
is  importaiit,  uut  only  for  the  actual  iuluiuiation  derived   (iu 

£  a 


02  WOMANKIND. 

iticlf  a  tiling  of  sm:ill  impoitanco),  but  bccatisa  iiit-lHgflnt 
pursuits  are  among  the  minor  di.-tractions  of  grief  or  suffering, 
and  no  small  aitl.s  in  bearing  up  tlirou;j;h  many  of  tlm  troubU-jj 
of  life.  A  cliiver  Clerman  governess  lias  lately  ^aid  lliat  Englisli 
girls  are  stupefied  by  loirnit.g  the  alphabet  of  everything — music 
without  concerts,  drawing  without  pictnn-s,  history  without 
museums,  botany  without  flower.^,  iVc.  This  need  surely  never 
be  with  those  in  Lomlou,  who  can  have  easy  access  to  every 
treasure  of  history  or  art ;  and  in  the  country,  true  culture 
should  make  them  thorou.,'hly  know  the  detailed  history  of  each 
curiosity  arouiul,  of  town  and  down,  church  and  ruin,  and  all 
tliat  can  awaken  intelligent  intt;re3t. 

Some  gool  cl-ar  book  ou  niatt-rs  of  natural  ccience  ought  at 
Fonie  tiujo  to  bw  read  with  tlie  chdtlren,  to  prevent  lltgiant 
ignorance.  Pictures  of  the  Heave  is,  or  Pome  other  easy 
astronomical  treatis**,  j=ui»pl»'nictited  by  the  pointing  out  of  the 
constellations  at  night  by  the  help  of  a  celestial  globe  or  Mr. 
Proctoi's  star  maps,  will  spare  the  horrible  bhinders  to  be  seen 
even  in  print — such  as  Mercury  beii'g  detected  near  the  top  of 
the  church  tower  in  the  middle  i>f  the  night,  new  moons 
shining  at  midnight,  or  full  ones  coming  twice  in  a  month.  And 
what  is  fir  m^  re  imjinrtmt,  there  is  no  study  that  so  stretches 
the  mind  to  the  coi  ception  of  Inhnite  Majesty.  Wilson's  Five 
Gatewayx  of  Knowleihje  and  Mace's  Morceau  de  Patn,  trans- 
lated by  Mrs.  Gatty,  open  the  way  to  whnt  it  is  expedient 
to  know  about  our  own  bodies.  Some  sen^ible  little  bo<jk  on 
botany  shouM  also  be  read,  not  one  ou  tiio  Linnxan  8y«-tem,  as 
this  oidy  gives  much  machinery  to  be  discarded;  and  some 
other  on  geology.  I  refrani  from  names,  because  these  sciences 
are  in  a  state  of  growtli,  which  makes  iheir  rudiments  change. 
If  the  child  have  a  taste  for  any  of  these,  it  will  be  sure  to 
puisue  them  ;  and  the  natural  love  of  collecting  may  stimulato 
ttie  latter.  Dotuiy  and  palieontology  have  this  great  merit, 
tliat.  collections  involve  no  slangliter  or  cruelty.  My  own  feel- 
ing is  strong  that  girls  at  least  ^hould  be  taught  to  feel  life  too 
8acr«.d,  oven  iu  a  butteifly,  to  be  saciifccd  to  tlicir  childish  lovo 


CULTURE.  53 

of  collf  cling.  The  s'rarge  delight  of  killing  grows  hj  grntifica- 
tion,  and  chil.lren  got  pitiless  to  the  insect  if  once  slaughter  is 
peraiitred.  Of  course  man's  right  over  creation  permits  the 
killing  of  animals  for  use;  and  a  scientific  colli  ction  made 
when  there  is  sense,  capacity,  and  power  to  inflict  death  pain- 
Itssly,  is  perfectly  justifiable;  but  a  child  under  fourteen  or 
fifteen  is  not  old  enough  to  piove  whether  the  desire  to  collect 
be  merely  imiiatiun,  or  greed  of  possessii-n.  1  have  known  a 
fnuidy  where  cati  rpillars  were  nursed  into  chrysalides,  and 
drawings  taken  of  tliem  in  every  stage,  after  which  the 
butterfly  was  released.  The  coll<-cti()n  so  m^de  is  far  more 
valuable  and  I  ss  perishable  than  if  it  had  been  of  impaled 
butterflies.  This  mode  of  collecting  should  be  cherished  and 
assisted  ;  but,  in  girls  at  least,  the  other  should  be  stopped  to 
the  utmost. ;  and  with  boys  there  should  be  strong  restrictions 
agninst  wanton  destiu<  t  on  and  needlnss  crui  Ity,  even  if  it  bo 
found  impossihle  to  prevent  what  they  see  others  do.  But  the 
f-ndnine  creature  should  shrink  fiom  causing  death  for  her 
[ilcasure. 

Natural  Seien^e  must  in  its  first  laws  be  taught,  but  in  the 
detail  never  forced  on  children,  or  they  get  a  di.-taste  for  it.  To 
be  tease<l  with  botany  in  waliis  leads  to  a  dislike  to  it,  though, 
if  the  child  have  a  turn  that  way,  she  will  be  grateful  for  any 
wonder  shown  to  her  in  the  flower  she  gathers. 

Next  come  accomplishments.  Of  nmsic  I  can  pay,  because 
I  know,  liitle  or  nothing;  but  I  believe  the  rudiments  shouhl 
he  well  taught,  whether  taste  or  ear  e.xi-t  or  not.  Afterwards, 
if  talent  be  lacking,  it  is  waste  of  time  and  money  to  in- 
sist on  a  girl's  playing.  And  if  she  have  the  power,  surely  cor- 
rect practice  of  real  classicnl  pieces,  and  study  of  the  science, 
ought  to  come  before  the  desire  to  amuse  drawing-room  guests 
with  the  newest  thing.  Thoroughness  in  music,  as  in  everything 
else,  is  required,  and  all  the  more  because  it  is  often  the  readiest 
means  by  which  a  lady  can  assist  in  Divine  Service.  Her 
music  is  worth  something  when  she  consecrates  it  by  playing 
the  instrument  or  training  the  choir.     Nor  is  it  without  its 


54  WOJIANMilND. 

Messod  use  when  it  rcfrcshea  her  wearied  fi'lipr,  or  altracts  her 
brothers  to  a  safe  and  happy  amusement,  softening  and  elevat- 
ing. The  power  of  giviDg  voice  to  prnisc  is  so  precious,  that  it 
should  ennoble  the  whole  study,  and  bo  its  prime  object.  The 
playing  or  singing  to  a  party  should  bti  viewed  aa  merely  an 
accidental  mode  of  givin:»  pl.^aMiro.  Opportunitit-s  of  letting 
girls  hear  good  music  should  be  secured  as  the  best  way  of  show- 
ing them  the  meaning  of  what  they  learn,  and  giving  them  a 
real  standard  above  nicdiocri'y. 

It  is  not  so  hard  to  1<  am  to  draw  properly  as  it  tised  to  be 
now  that  few  large  towns  are  devoid  of  seliools  of  ;irt.  It  ought 
to  be  a  univcr:?al  art  to  be  able  to  draw  a  straight  line,  to  shade, 
and  to  produce  a  correct  copy  of  an  object  Tliis  is  nieredy 
learning  to  see.  Without  some  such  tr.iniing,  the  eye  has  no 
appreciaticm  of  wliat  is  before  it,  and  uiduts  natur.dly  gifted, 
does  not  know  how  to  look  at  a  landscape  or  picture.  This 
power  of  looking  is  much  more  im]  ortant  than  the  manual 
jtower  of  producing  a  drawing.  That  is  to  many  an  cxcjuisite 
j)lea8ure,  but  not  to  all  alike  ;  and  tho-e  who  do  not  care  for  it 
need  not  pursue  t!ie  study  faither  than  is  practically  needed. 
Those  who  have  a  talent  or  taste  will  do  wi.^cly  to  work  either 
at  a  school  of  art,  or  fmni  models  and  f-imple  c  'i)ic9.  The  old- 
fa-hioned  girls'-school  diawi'ig  ma.-ter  is  liappily  nearly  extinct. 
lie  was  apt  to  be  ratlicr  worse  than  no  tcai^hing  at  alL  The 
wisest  way  for  tho?e  out  of  reach  of  instruction  is  to  get  Fome 
good  simple  manual,  such  as  ^Marcus  ^^'ard's  series  of  copies, 
and  wcrk  as  exactly  as  ihey  can  ;  and  a.s  in  common  life  as  well 
as  in  greater  things,  "to  him  that  hath  thall  be  given,"  good 
instruction  is  l.kely  to  be  attained  by  some  chance  that  the 
diligent  learner  w.ll  thus  be  in  a  condition  to  profit  by. 

Intelligent  knowletlge  of  art  is  a  part  of  culture  given 
indescribably.  Miss  Owen's  Christian  Art,  and  if  possible 
Mis.  Jameson's  beav.tiful  books,  give  much  help  in  getting  art- 
knowledge.  Londoners  have  opportunities  in  the  public  gnlleriP8  ; 
and  when  girls  visit  town,  pains  sl)ould  be  taken  that  they  really 
see  the  National  Gallery.     The  sight  of  the  Eoyal  Acadtmy  is 


CULTURS.  55 

.in  infii.it'  ly  less  nsi  ful  acliievement,  and  however  desirahle  to 
their  elders  as  fuod  lor  conversation,  can  in  the  nature  of  things 
be  only  bewiMering  instead  of  instrui;tive  to  unformed  tastes. 
The  National  Gallery  well  gone  through,  and  vot  treated  as 
gape-seed,  is  a  key  to  vulunies  of  art,  and  opens  the  mind  to  a 
S'-nse  of  real  beauty  and  gr.atness.  Photographs  are  bringing 
the  general  form  and  distribution  of  the  greater  pictures  home 
to  almost  every  one,  and  it  is  weU  to  encourage  collections  of 
ihem  ;  but  the  children  should  be  taught  to  discriminate  between 
real  beauty  and  mere  sentimental  prettiness,  such  as  will  be  a[<t 
to  take  their  fancy ;  and  if  there  are  good  books  of  reference 
within  theLv  reach,  they  should  hunt  up  the  subjects  and  the 
histories  of  the  artists,  and  by  this  means  they  may  acquire  a 
very  tolerable  knowleilge  of  art. 

Many  children  will  produce  exceedingly  clever  drawings  when 
very  young,  but  lose  their  taste  for  it  when  the  drudgery  of 
regular  learning  sets  in.  It  is  a  curious  thing  that  an  exceed- 
ingly bad  drawing  (technically)  will  often  be  full  of  spirit  and 
expression,  which  it  is  impossible  to  repeat,  even  by  the  mo»t 
complete  transcrij.t,  which  only  gives  the  faults  without  the 
character.  The  lesson  generally  drives  away  this  fire.  The 
child  who  has  carried  out  its  idea  of  countenance  or  gesture 
with  fashions  of  its  own,  is  disgu-ted  to  be  set  to  draw  a  box 
or  an  egg ;  and  when  next  it  betakes  itself  to  the  delineation  of  a 
battle  or  a  beauty,  it  finds  its  newly-acquired  knowledge  of  the 
lules  of  drawing  hamper  its  j.ower  of  expression.  Unless  duty 
and  perseverance  be  strong,  it  "does  not  care  for  drawing  any 
1  'nger."  Then  it  is  well  that  the  work  should  be  compulsory,  long 
enough  to  bear  the  pupil  over  the  practical  difficulties;  and  then,  if 
genius  be  really  in  him,  it  will  come  back,  and  the  correct  execution 
wiU  be  inspired  by  it.  "  Cette  vilaine  bete  est  vivante  et  la  mienne  est 
morte,"  will  often  be  true  of  the  works  of  untaught  talent  and 
uninspired  skill ;  but  let  talent  never  imagine  that,  in  these  days 
at  least,  fire  and  expression  can  be  preserved  without  accuracy  of 
drawing.  It  is  a  matter  of  conscience  to  be  trv^  and  painstaking 
in  everj"^  point  of  a  performance.     And  thus  it  is  that  the  most 


5(3  WOMANKIND. 

conscientiously  diligont  cliilJrcn  are  often  the  lo.iPt  enterprising, 
Tliey  have  an  indolence  of  will  that  shrinks  from  the  trjuhlu 
they  know  anything  new  will  cost  them  ;  anil  so  tliey  hang  l)ack, 
while  the  gligliter  wiaki-r.-*  are  ever  beginning  with  ztal  and  not  C(>n- 
pidering  the  end.  J^'otliing  needs  to  be  more  carefully  impressed 
than  tiiis  pertieverance.  E  ther  in  an  Annual,  or  the  Contribu- 
tions of  Q.Q.,  I  renieu.btT  a  contract  hetweeu  the  little  girl  who 
did  a  lew  tbings  thoioughly  and  one  who  undertook  many  and 
coin|»leted  none.  To  the  one,  a  few  peifcttly  finished  gift^  were 
awarded  ;  the  other,  many  more,  but  all  useless  because  deficient 
in  some  member.      Kach  was  to  be  rf]Kiind  as  she  iinished. 

Perhaps  the  conscience  of  thoroughness  is  the  mobL  important 
iutelltctual  ac>^uisiliuu  uf  early  eduualiOu. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 
children's  pleasures. 


In  a  ^appy,  well-ordered,  affectionate  home,  cLilJ  life  is  full 
of  plcassuic. 

''Wliatever  joys  to-day  maj-  shine, 

AVhate'i-r  may  toncli  witli  sorrow, 
Yet  it  will  be,  I  will  divine, 

A  soiiR'thiiig  else  tomorrow  ; 
Such  trilk'S  will  their  hearts  eiuiiloy-:— 

A  shell,  a  flower,  a  leather ; 
If  none  of  tlie?e,  a  cup  of  joy 

It  is  to  be  together." 

"Treats"  are,  however,  a  grent  element  in  the  joy  of  child- 
hood. The  having  something  to  look  forward  to  is  a  real  in- 
gredient in  happiness,  and  to  be  without  it  is  often  depressing. 

But  the  treat  should  be  suHiciently  infrequent  to  be  a  real 
subject  of  anticipation.  It  should  be  something  not  common- 
place, and  then  it  is  indeed  a  treat  aud  a  stimulus  if  rightly 
used. 


children's  pleasures.  57 

And  the  wLolcromest  treats  are  those  where  the  gratifi  ation 
is  entiiely  ai)ait  from  display  or  vanity.  Perhaps  the  most 
truly  dtliglitlul  is  the  excursion  to  wood  or  ruin,  of  any  other 
place  wliioh  is  an  excuse  for  the  out-of  doors  dinner  or  tea,  and 
for  running  ahout,  scramhling,  and  llowtr-gathering.  A  littlo 
gathering  of  youTig  friends  enjoy  this  to  perfection;  and  it  is 
no  occasion  for  ?niait  frocks,  nor  for  food  witli  any  zest  save 
hunger  and  quaint  contrivance.  Kveu  the  London  child  in 
these  railway  days  can  enjoy  ?U(h  an  expedition  from  town, 
and  most  probably  will  be  in  the  country  for  a  few  weeks  at 
least.  These  aie  deliglits  to  all  ages,  from  the  very  first  where 
theic  is  strength  enough  for  the  long  day,  without  being  a  drug 
on  the  other  children. 

The  school  tea  is  another  cause  of  exceeding  happiness, 
especially  when  the  pchool-children  are  the  real  object,  not  the 
excuse,  and  their  ganiLS  are  jiromoted  and  joined  in  by  the 
gentle  chihlren.  Then  tliere  is  all  the  delight  of  usefulness  and 
importance  and  real  kindness,  ringers  s-ticky  with  distributing 
buns,  frocks  splashed  or  even  inundated  with  tea  poured  from 
cumbrous  p'tchers  into  t-ny  mugs  held  aslaiit — these  are  natural 
incidents  of  the  day,  only  requiring  that  the  frocks  should 
"  wash ;"  so  that  there  need  be  no  distress  on  their  account, 
even  though  ihe  gathers  should  come  out  at  blind-man's-buff  or 
Tom  Tiddler's  ground. 

N'o,  let  it  be  no  be  t-frock  garden  par'y  in  disguise,  with 
croquet-grounds  to  amuse  idle  spectators,  who  have  no  business 
lliere.  Have  oidy  those  who  come  to  wait  on  the  school- 
children, and  do  not  insult  chdtlhoud,  gpntle  or  simjde,  by 
making  its  supposed  jileasure  a  means  of  P'lying  oif  your  own 
sucial  debts. 

'The  garden  party  is  the  bpst  form  of  child's  party,  though,  to 
my  mind  it  is  spoilt  for  them  as  .-oon  as  it  pa-ses  into  full  dress, 
or  includes  large  numbers  wlio  are  nc-t  iiitiuihte.  Chddien  may 
think  it  will  be  a  p]ea>ure,  l;ut  they  are  no  judges  1  efore- 
band,  and  they  cannot  be  taken  to  such  an  enteriainment 
among  numerous  elders  without  being  eithtr  troublesome  and 


08  WOMANKIXa 

fiirwarl,  or  il*e  umliT  a  ru^traint  and  grni  onlj  rcntlcreU  «nilur- 
aMo  by  tho  {•I*'n.<«nn'a  of  drucA,  eating,  and  apinj,*  ^'ruwii  up 
niaiiiMrii.  And  if  this  is  to  with  a  gtirdi-n  jwir  y,  which  at  U«a»t 
h'.xA  the  merit  of  b«iii(j  in  tho  oi*n  air  iu..I  Iv  .ti\.,i  -lit  wint 
can  be  Raid  for  the  Chri-tiuns  tree  iiyxtuni 

Th<f  original  (ioriiian  (Jhri-«luii».--tn'f,  U-  il  i:  1   • 

a  charming  ciis'oin,   when  it  in  tho  rtui)  fjun  i 

there  ia  "  love  iwod  "  in  every  one  of  the  fiartfU,  whidi  erery- 
body  directs  to  everjlxvly  with  dtlightful  trun*|>i\rent 
and  pecrecy.  Such  lr«f<i  drwrvo  to  grow  in  eviry  1 
uiid  all  tho  Ih  tt^r  for  Waring  fruit  for  the  lomdy  tiiigiik>our,  the 
Hervaiitd  and  de|M>ndanta,  childrvn,  th«  |>iior  nnd  the  niairoe*!, 
tho  halt,  and  tho  blind.  Or  to  rt  tlivk  tho  irvo  with  fmh  con- 
lrivanci'8  fur  n)tno  Sun<liy  rla«»,  i>ciiio  workhouiw  chtldien,  or 
the  liki>,  will  niako  it  a  iloiblo  fo  int  of  lif^ht  and  joy. 

Itut  the  frwjuoiit  procoM  i« — •«  I   nupiio  e  we  must  }iavo  ■ 
Chri.-tinas-lrwe.       Poojdo  will   e\|ii».  i  it.      It   ui   an   inti>l>  r.tMe 
trouVdo  and  «•xpon^c;  but  if  it  \t  il>\w  at  all,  it  niujit  b.'  li.ii.il 
Boinoly  done." 

So    Cirt-loads    of    b^n  Ixm^    np'    jnir'  I. i^nl    in     frail 
tinpil  conlrivancos,  and  a  gnat  outUy  ia  grudgingly   ; 
articlt'8    to    l)o   distribut»<l  at  hnf>-h«z^in),   not  out  of   love   oi 
regard,  or  adaptat'on  to  tho  childron,  but  simply  that  the  thing 
may  bo  done  handsonit  ly. 

The  chiMren  stiind  round.  They  do  not  cam  for  the  giver 
thoy  havo  no  gratitudo  for  the  gift,  they  aro  ni«r«  ly  cag*  i  for 
■what  they  can  g<^t,  and  they  are  loaded  %«ith  Aon  Inmi  in  such 
quantities,  tliat  their  best  wishers  are  thankful  if  half  n-  r 

crushed.      Then  comes  the  forinal  dancing,  with  all  the  '.'. 
and  follies  of  grownup   people  apt  d  in   it;  nnd   at  a   prepoe- 
terous  hour  the  supper,  a^  elaborate  and  ( ostly  as  a  regular  >»all 
supper,    and   more    freely   criticised    by    the    pncocioua    littlo 
epicures. 

Can  ths  be  wholesome  for  body  and  mind  I  Will  not 
pireuts  have  slrcngih  aud  unworldlincss  enough  to  be  thouglit 


cniLoncN's  pleasures.  69 

"  particular,"  and  Bave  tlioir  cliildron  from  such  a  hot-ljcd  of  all 
lli.it  no  one  could  ui^li  Id  see  in  tlicni  1 

Hannah  More,  lonj,'  a;^'o,  jileiulrd  apainst  cliildron's  balls. 
She  was  set  up  in  elli;:;}',  uith  a  great  rod  in  her  hand,  at  tho 
end  of  a  ballroom  in  London,  in  con<»oqiienoti ;  but  her  reliyious 
remonstrance,  followed  up  by  Miss  Id^euorth's  common-scnso 
one,  really  did  make  childish  dissij)ati<)n  much  less  the  fashion 
f  tr  the  time.  Can  ful  parents  made  their  children  happy  at 
home,  or  in  the  email  numbers  where  they  could  be  freely  happy 
over  their  p'ay  in  an  innocent,  inexpensive  manner,  such  as  left 
them  childn'n.  Lut  it  is  ])nblicity  and  lar^je  numhi-r.s  that  .'jioil 
every thiiij;  with  us.  Adinj^ — a  drlightfiil  }ii)liday  sjoit — is 
made  a  dangerous  cause  of  displny  and  titillation  of  vanity  to 
every  clever  or  pretty  child.  As  soon  as  the  i)lay  pt-fs  be}ond 
the  intimate  friends,  and  becomes  tho  inntif  of  a  nii-cellaneoiis 
parly,  incliidin«;  all  tho  vi.siling  liht,  the  poor  children,  who 
ought  to  be  placing  for  their  own  and  their  family's  wholesome 
divei-sion,  receive  half  their  stimulus  fiom  the  de.-ire  of  oLtiiiijii.g 
admiration. 

"  Uh  !  they  are  so  simple,  such  dear  little  things,  tliey  never 
tliink  about  it" 

Easy  to  .«!ay  ;  but  does  anyone  know  a  cliild's  thonght><,  and 
can  it  be  right  to  put  them  into  temptation? 

People  will  answer  that  it  does  not  do  nmch  liarm  ;  al-o,  tliat 
they  cannot  ollend  inviting  fiieiids,  or  seem  to  the  children  to 
deprive  tliem  of  enjoyment. 

As  to  the  friends,  they  will  be  content  to  speak  of  sue  h 
parents  as  very  "  particular  ;  "  and  for  the  children  the  old  tru>t, 
that  "  Papa  and  Mamma  know  best,'"  may  be  reinforced  by  reprc- 
sentiitions  of  the  weariness  and  stiffne-'S,  as  well  as  the  real 
temptations  of  the  evenings;  and  if  a  real  genuine  home 
delight,  shared  by  their  own  little  friends,  or  bestowed  on  the 
poor  V)y  their  liands,  be  proviiled  f^r  them,  they  will  have  no 
need  to  complain.  Or  if  a  cliild  should  wish  and  murmur 
cither  infected  by  some  playfellow,  or  admiring  the  unknown, 
never  mind.    She  will  thank  her  parents  for  their  wiodom  in  tin.o. 


60  WOMANKIND. 

The  pantomime  may  "be  one  of  these  compensating  treats  foi 
a  London  child  at  Christmas,  tliongh  to  my  miud  the  beauty 
of  the  scenery  is  much  marred  by  the  huilesque  words,  ruining 
all  the  grace  and  poetry,  and  pandering  to  the  vulgur  popular 
taste  for  puns  and  stock  allusions.  If  there  were  but  a  panto- 
mime with  the  friiry  world  l)rought  to  life,  with  simple  straight- 
forward poetiy  and  grace,  that  would  be  the  place  for  children; 
but  of  that  we  fear  there  is  no  chance. 

Sight-seeing  is  a  very  important  "  treat."  Only  it  should  nob 
hegin  too  young.  A  child  dragged  to  siglits  it  cannot  yet  'jare 
for,  half  frightened  and  wholly  wearied,  is  a  sad  sight.  Some 
children  re-illy  experience  a  shock  to  the  nerves  when  taken  too 
young  to  the  Zoological  Gardens  ;  and  any  way  it  is  wasting  a 
great  pleasure  to  t^ke  them  there  before  their  curiosity  has  been 
excited  by  having  heard  or  read  something  about  the  animals. 
I  was  seven  or  eight  years  old  before  any  came  in  my  way,  and 
to  this  hour  I  remember  vividly  even  the  aspe  t  and  arrange- 
ment of  the  dens  in  which  I  .'aw  them. 

To  learn  to  look  intelligently,  as  I  said  in  the  last  chapter,  is 
a  great  part  of  education.  Who  does  not  know  the  difference 
between  the  spectator  who  examines,,  learns,  and  enjoys,  and 
the  spectator  Avho  gazes  vacantly,  makes  s  une  silly  jest,  or  some 
preposterous  remark  that  becomes  a  byword  1 

To  take  children  to  the  British  Museum,  when  their  studies 
point  to  any  division  of  the  many  subjects  there  contained,  would 
at  once  vivify  their  lessons,  teach  them  how  to  see,  and  give 
much  pleasure.  From  ancient  history  to  the  Egyptian  Hall  one 
day,  to  the  Kineveh  slabs  soon  after;  from  Grecian  history  to 
the  Mausoleum  and  the  Elgin  marbles ;  from  the  Punic  Wars  lo 
the  Carthaginian  pavements ;  or  again,  from  English  history  to 
the  Tower  and  Westminster  Abbey.  How  easy  to  do  this  a? 
a  reward  for  diligence  ;  how  the  expedition  would  be  enjoyed ; 
how  much  it  would  tell  in  vividness  of  interest! 

Yet,  are  not  the  Tower  and  Museum  viewed  as  only  pasture 
for  the  greenest  country  cousins,  while  the  must  trumpery 
ephemeral  exhibition  has  its  multitudes  of  visitors  ? 


cuildren's  fleasures.  61 

Two  or  tliree  clinptcrs  in  Edgeworth's  Early  Lessons,  as  wc'l 
as  some  in  Harry  and  Lucy,  show  the  keen  enjoyment  cliildien 
can,  with  a  little  care,  be  niaJe  to  take  in  museums,  or  any 
1  ther  exhibitions;  and  al-o  how  .>-oon  the  attention  becomes 
fatigueJ.  Kothiiig  is  btt'or  here  than  Miss  EJ;ieworth's 
continual  protest  ngaiu^t  vacancy,  listledsness,  and  spurious 
excitements  or  display. 

Excitement  is  close  at  lianJ  wih  almost  all  chililren.  The 
hope  of  the  least  jileasure  agitates  them;  and  if  the  woihJ 
would  only  leave  theui  to  the  siuipL-st,  freest,  most  inex])ensiye 
pleasures,  tliey  would  be  much  happier,  as  will  as  much  bettr-r 
able  to  enjoy  in  after  }ears. 

liut,  alas!  who  v\ouM  imngine  that  in  their  name  the  pomj  s 
and  v.nity  of  this  world  lia^l  ever  been  renounced? 

A  wo)d  or  two  further  I  shoull  like  to  say  of  home  every- 
day ]ileasnr<s.  The  toy  rpie-tiou  belongs  properly  to  a  younger 
I  eiioil,  and  most  edncilional  manuals  speak  very  sensibly  about 
them,  though  the  truth  is,  tliat  only  expeiicnce  really  teaches 
parents  what  is  the  best  way  of  managing  tiie  toy  question. 
Only  when  the  eldest  lio[)e  has  bitten  to  pieces,  Sj/oili",  or  dis- 
regarded a  certain  amount  of  expensive  toys,  do  people  really 
believe  that  plain  articles,  (•a[>ablo  of  rough  ill-nsige,  are  the 
reol  promoters  of  pleasure.  And  it  is  a  niatti  r  of  family 
experience  whether  fur  is  a  delightful  "pis-y,"  or  gives  a 
horrible  sensation. 

The  Edgeworth  remailxs  about  niecbanical  and  useful  toys 
being  preferable,  only  fail  in  one  respect,  nam*  ly,  their  want  of 
poetry,  and  failure  to  peiceive  the  way  in  whih  toys  di  al  with 
the  imaginative,  the  tender,  and  tht-  aesthetic  siiles  of  childn^n's 
minds,  as  well  as  the  intellig.-nt  ami  mechanical  ones.  IMiss 
IvIgHvvorth,  and  still  less  her  failx!!-,  would  never  liave  under- 
stood iVfrs.  Gatty's  touching  memory  of  "  rabi  its'  ta  Is,"  nor  the 
"  woolly  lambs  standing  on  four  pins,"  wliich  a  writer  in  The 
JlJayadne  for  the  Youny  speaks  of  as  having  been  bought  of 
a  poor  hawker,  to  "  habljle  of  {.reen  fields."  as  the  perfectly 
foimcd  lamb,  which  Mi',  liuskiu  rccommeuds,  never  could  or 


62  WOMANKIND. 

would  have  done,  since  tlie  mere  symbol  is  almo=:t  a  noodful 
provocative  of  imagination,  as  all  theatrical  lit  mature  proves. 

Nobody,  however,  can  give  im-igination,  and  the  cliild  must 
have  what  suits  its  genuine  taste  best.  The  child  who  loves 
the  ornament  or  picture  for  its  little  room,  whether  for  beauty 
or  sugge^tiveness,  is  to  be  as  muoh  encouraged  as  the  lover  of 
the  useful  or  mechanical  article. 

Encouraged,  I  say,  but  directed ;  for  the  purchase  of  things 
merely  because  they  come  before  the  eye  and  are  "  pretty,"  is  to 
be  decideilly  discouraged,  though  the  taste  for  the  beautifid, 
noble,  and  suggestive,  should  be  encouraged.  Luying  for 
buyiiig's  sake,  as  well  as  tawdry  trumpery,  should  be  lauglied 
at  and  proscribed,  and  the  consideration,  "  Will  it  last  ?  "  '*  Is 
this  only  for  the  pleasure  of  spending  money  ? "  be  enforced. 
"  What  will  you  do  with  it  ?  "  "  Shall  you  got  tired  of  it  ? "  *'  Do 
you  really  need  it  %  "  all  should  be  carefully  asked,  even  while 
leaving  the  child  a  free  agent.  And  when  a  bit  of  experience 
has  been  putcliased,  it  had  better  not  be  forgotten ;  for  the 
habit  of  trifling  away  money  is  one  of  the  hardest  to  cure. 

Dolls  are  very  difft  rent  institutions  in  different  families.  To 
some  girls  they  are  children,  to  others  sifters;  wlii-c  to  others 
they  are  mere  milliners*  blocks,  and  to  another  set  mere  despised 
badges  of  feminine  inferiority.  In  general,  however,  the  notion 
that  litile  girls  harn  needlework  by  dressing  them  is  a  mere 
delusion.  To  make  their  clothes  handily  requires  much  more 
neatness  than  to  make  those  of  a  poor  child  ;  and  shops  and 
bazaars  do  all  they  can  to  remove  the  incentive,  by  offering 
every  imaginable  equipment  ready  made. 

The  real  use  and  delight  of  a  doll  is,  however,  such  as  ia 
shown  in  Mrs.  O'Reilly's  charming  Doll  Land,  where  the  baby- 
house  is  a  real  dreamland,  and  the  puppets  therein  are  the 
subjects  of  absolute  affection,  and  have  individuality  of  character. 
People  devoid  of  the  peculiar  imagination  that  can  live  in  the^e 
fancies,  will  not  credit  thera  ;  but  "  they  are  burn,  they  are  not 
made,"  and  all  we  are  inclined  to  say  a'^out  them  is,  ihat  elders 
should  nut  arbitrarily  interfere  with  them,  insist  on  the  gi^ing 


children's  PLEASUREa.  63 

away  of  the  cherished  doll,  or  the  resignation  of  the  whole  doll 
system,  for  there  is  no  knowing  what  real  pain  and  grief  is 
inflicted. 

Just  so  with  book'',  l^o  one  knows  what  fibres  of  the  heart 
may  have  twisted  round  some  dilapidated  nurspry  book,  and 
how  painfully  the  wrench  of  parting  with  it  may  be  remem- 
bered in  after  life. 

Every  generation  complains  that  the  one  beneath  it  is  saturated 
with  stury-books,  and  does  not  value  them  as  of  old.  It  is 
hardly  true;  for  multitudinous  as  the  book-^  are,  children  only 
value  and  love  what  assimilates  itself  to  their  minds.  The 
disadvantage  of  the  multitude  is,  that  a  sluggish  or  fiivolous 
minded  child  reads  notliing  else,  and  keeps  down  to  their  leveL 
It  is  a  real  lowering  of  the  faculties  to  confine  a  child  to  books 
of  fiction,  history,  and  science,  written  doivn  to  it.  It  fails  to 
learn  the  meaning  of  language,  and  finds  "  grown-np  books  " 
difficult  and  incomprehensible,  even  when  outgrovving  childhood, 
and  sinks  down  upon  the  novrl,  because  the  powers  have  never 
trained  themselves  to  attend  to  anything  that  stretches  them. 

Careful  ['areiits  once  made  it  a  rule  to  let  their  daughters  read 
nothing  they  had  not  read  theiiiSelvos.  Nothing  could  be 
wiser  ;  for  not  only  was  tlie  quantity  diminished,  but  moreover, 
much  was  weeded  out  that,  though  not  exactly  haimful,  was 
undesirable. 

The  rule  is  even  more  expedient  now,  for  the  foolish  notion 
that  didactic  stories  must  be  dull  ha^  made  people  absolutely 
proud  of  themselves  for  writing  a  perfectly  unmeaning  story,  or 
one  that  exalts  naughtiness  into  a  sort  of  heroism,  and  represents 
llie  authorities  as  tedious,  hateful  inflictions. 

The  stories  that  should  be  avoided  arr^,  firstly,  those  that 
most  improperly  and  mischievously  depreciate  governesses  and 
make  them  bores,  and  that  represent  a'lnts  and  uncles  as  uni- 
formly unjust  and  ciuel  to  orjihan  wards.  The  cruel  step- 
mother is  gone  out,  the  unjust  aunt  is  come  in  her  st  ad.  The 
writers  of'  such  stories,  in  ttie  wish  to  be  pathetic,  thoughtlessly 
add  fresh  stings  of  terror  to  orphanhood. 


64  WoMANKI^a 

N«xt,  I  o^'jrct  to  t'.io  conclusion  to  wliich  theiie  orphans 
generally  U;u«i,  iiami'ly  ihit  of  t!ie  novuL  The  pn>Uc  ing 
cousin  olniost  alway.^  tt:r:n  into  tlio  luv -r :  att<l  pv«mi  if  the 
couiin  do  t:ot  n|>|>oar,  tUo  mu-t  nmiablo  Iml  of  iUo  i/ramotit 
jKr.iontr  is  euro  to  nia'ry  lUc  liuroine  nt  last.  Now  inf.mtinv 
a  taclinjf'nt*  imw  and  tUaii  rij-cu,  bnt  tln'y  oii;,'lit  no^or  t'»  bo 
shown  to  cl'il'Ireu.  It  c.t;i  oitly  tend  to  do  harm,  ami  that  to 
the  w(a\'«fr  aud  laoro  p^xHsive  par'y,  namidy  tlie  {"irl,  who  may 
droam  over  the  i.o<..-ibility,  whih'  tli»  Im»v  trra's  it  uU  a<  **  •  •"'■  '" 

i\Dothor  8'ani))  of  book  to  he  ntoidil  is  the  ttfak  r*'. 
talo.  Mc»jt  vuiirtirs  of  rfll'^i-Mn  |»u!.Ii»hi  r-«  |»onr  forth  »t.»ri«*i» 
and  titty  tract*  Uiot  do  not  ^o  much  tiui.h  r-  li^ion  as  i»ariy 
distinctionSb  Thry  nro  gnnorn'ly  written  with  the  b<st  inten- 
tion;, by  pj'Oi.l'*  n-hoio  mind-i  arw  too  small  to  poiroivo  tho 
ditlVrcmo,  and  r)io  deal  in  tin*  httlit  cliill  who  ^tcs  al>out 
askit)<^  {itoi'Io  wliclhcr  they  are  Cliristian', or  tNo  in  ih«*  o<|unlly 
nrinntuml  one  who  b  always  talking  abiut  its  n'hito  n.Ix'f. 
Ifoth  alike  die  you n;^,  and  aro  equally  unr>nl  and  un|>nt>  t  rnl. 
Most  girls  have  a  ht  of  inia^^inin^'  surh  childnn,  and  unfi>itu- 
liatdy  too  many  gi-t  them  f'tilched  up  into  pi  ik  and  blue  covers, 
ami  scut  forth  a^  fupposrd  {^ootl  IxH^ks,  only  to  serve  ai  trash, 
instead  of  bnail,  f't  Siinda)-8  hool  childr«'n,  and  to  sitklify 
and  8outim«'»italiso  ^imxI  prls;  while  they  are  the  derision  of  all 
the  stroiig»'r  mindnd.  The  rvlij^'ious  tale,  above  all,  needs  to  be 
in  the  hi  sf, — not  the  wo-st— of  wrilinj;  ;  and  the  same  applieu 
to  the  alh'gory.  Very  fi>w  are  n-ally  g.Mwl.  and  have  any  point; 
the  others  ore  mere  dilutions  of  what  ouj,'ht  to  he  taken  as  near 
the  genuim^  article  as  ihk-vhiMo.  It  is  not  po  sndd*>n  a  transition 
as  it  seenis,  to  apply  tho  panic  nde  to  fairy  t-ilps  ;  for  a  g'K>l 
fairy  talo  is  oltt-n  an  allegory,  or  an  old  n)>th,  oi-.ro  alh'goti.-id. 

For  thin  class,  tho  g(  i  nine  old  ln.\th-|iko  /irauii/  and  tht 
Beast,  Cimferflla-j  Puss  in  liovU,  and  the  ld;o,  1  liavo  the  deep 
rospoct  bt'fiiting  a  cla-sic  ;  but  I  hive  nonw  at  all  for  tho 
nibilraty  mo^Urn  fairy  tale,  now  po  Uitich  the  fashion.  Fairies 
have  a  genuine  classical  gencalog**,  and  to  di-iturb  that  is  n-ally 
a  pity.     Bt^sidts,  too  much  of   iuipossible  uureiJiiy  teudti   to 


children's  rLCASunE3.  65 

prorJuro  a  morljid  craving  for  exciteuicut,  and  a  tas'e  capable 
ouly  of  novel-r.  aJ  ng. 

iJurlesque  and  caricilurf,  and  alx)V9  all,  elan;:;  litoraturp,  are 
in  tlie  Patiie  way  unfit  for  chiMrt-n  ;  and  the  love  of  exciting 
adventure  may  likewise  grow  exag.icratcd. 

There  are,  in  fact,  two  classes  of  tastes  in  fiction — that  for 
character,  and  tliat  fur  adventure.  Cliara'ter-lovin;^'  girls  some- 
times get  self-conscious,  and  L-arn  to  look  at  themselves  as  if 
they  were  sitting  fur  their  portiaits  in  a  story  ;  and  the  adventure- 
lovers  fall  into  the  condition  of  Leech's  Master  Jacky,  when 
"  he  has  read  all  the  books  in  the  liouse,"  no  aullior  being 
approved  but  Mayne  lieid  ! 

Perhaps  a  very  slow  child,  that  can  hardly  be  got  to  read  at 
all,  or  a  very  m*rourial  being  who  wdl  n»  v»r  sit  still,  must  be 
bribed  by  unliuiitt-d  choice  of  wliatever  is  innocent  and  free 
froui  vulgarity,  f -r  the  sake  of  public  peace;  but  ihe  ordinarily 
iiitf-Uigeiit  cliild,  with  a  heidtliy  appetite  for  books,  had  bett«'r 
be  l';d  towaids  the  desirable  ones,  and  s;ived  from  frivolity.  An 
over-tasked  girl,  who  is  doing  le-sons  to  the  full  powers  of  her 
mind,  cannot  be  expected  to  repose  upon  anything  but  story- 
books; but  she  would  have  more  training  for  the  future  if  she 
were  obli;^ed  as  a  net  i-ssity  to  do  1«  ss,  and  encouraged  to  rend 
something  improving  in  part  of  her  Lisire  time.  She  will 
cea^e  to  do  lo^-sons,  but  she  ought  never  to  cease  from  rational 
reading. 

It  is  a  good  plan  to  make  the  amusing  b^ok,  especially  when 
it  is  an}thing  extra,  conditional  upon  the  previous  leading  of 
something  solid,  wheth»-r  history  or  science.  My  allowance  wa« 
a  chapter  of  Goldsmith's  liuine,  to  a  chapter  of  Waller  Scott, 
each  da}'. 

And  1  believe  it  is  the  wis'\«»t  way  to  let  there  be  a  free  run 
of  Scott,  Shakespeare,  Sp-nser,  and  any  other  really  8«juud 
English  clasic,  in  which  I  lio  not  include  modern  novels,  nor 
the  Dickens  school.  The  r.  al  romance  does  not  do  the  harm 
that  the  baby  novel  does  ;  the  taste  is  formed,  familiarity  with 
noble  and  elevating  ideas  aud  beautiful  language  achieved,  aud 

F 


6€  WOXAXKIXO. 

tho  undt-HiriMo  i»i«aig«4  Are  far  Irta  perceive  1  thaa  tbrt  an 

laU*r  in  lif<3.      Tho   cliiM   kno«vs   tliora   are    tliioirt  it   cannut 

iin<lrr>»t.i»<"l,  nn<!  pimp's  lUrm  by,  only  '  •    -• 

Frftnloin  to  luke  down  ntnl   use  the  n*rtl  ^     '     ■ 

we  olwnyn  fiiid  in  hto-^'mphy,  a  valiia*>lit  |iart  of  the  rtlocatioo  of 

rv«Ty  niiinl   •  »'r.     Th«' 

into  chiMith  (iii«l<l><n  t; 

nail  Muniiat'on  Dovtrl«,  han  not  bevu  IuuihI  to  cuuduce  to  puniy 

uf  tiutt*^  or  |M»-try  of  rniinL 

Thtf  <<iiiliiiM.kHtu  and  r  >inance  of  chivalry  are  cnn|t«>nial  to  the 
young  1  f II.     l>u  noi  »|>ud  it  and  tio  it  d>>wn,  or  y<>u  will  only 

g«<t  urniiutioi' -'' "'.'adof  romance;  anl  the  rude  tUing-like 

loor,  which  1  to  Da*k   fe«hn){  ai.<l  dende  arntiuient, 

iMtcoinos  littln  vifxt  uf  hruiality  and  Irvi'y.  Thrro  i^  far  too 
1  Itlo  chivalry,  ai.d  too  much  jrr»»M<r/^/>,  in  the  j  r  wnt 
Innhion.  May  the  hittrr  n«*Ter  lie  encoum^'<-d  in  o«ir  chiMrvn! 
Fori/  M  rtP  •■  r«N««l  % 

expn-Snioim,   i  of   *hai 

subject  of  uirrrinii  iiL 

Thw  olhor     '  ^  of  ^irlt  ar*»  ntrnr  ■  n*  <.f .lo-.r  ex'-r  !^\  of 

the  Itlle  |>i.  after  }o.»r«  lM->;innii)g  altnuly.      I'*  l^  .vni 

go«il  for  Ihfm,  i/  — and  a  g^at  "if*  it  ia  — they  can  be  pio{)rrly 
Ktt4>tidi><l  to,  and  aro  lufo  from  O'glfct;  not  oilurwiM*. 

Ni-<>dlcwi>rk   l\  to  almo-t  all  gwU  at  this  a^^,  a  no«Nifal  tn«k. 
I'o  oidy  a  few  is  it  a  plcoiiun*,  and  t'  '      •<  a  »ort  oi 

maiia  for  fancy  work,  upon  whi.h  tl.    _     ..     .,  •  p^nenUly 

needs  to  b**,  "  IWgiu  uoihii)^  ul  wlticU  ]vu  Lave  aul  well 
CO  iMi tiered  Uie  tud." 


TDK    TELN-3.  C7 

CHAPTER  IX. 

TUK   TEr.NS. 

Up  to  tho  n^p  of  fifteen  or  sixteen,  chiMliood,  jlepondcnl  on 
others,  properly  lasts.  Aft«*rwar»J8,  the  rtlutiou  to  thinpa 
Bpiritiiiil  Jwcomcs  closer  and  more  direct ;  and  while  still  under 
obftlierice  to  puivnts,  tutors,  and  governors,  the  nature  is  in  a 
manner  outgn)wing  tliem.  The  character  is,  as  it  were,  to  be 
formed  between  (speaking  reverently)  Go«l  and  itst'lf.  NoWly 
else  can  do  it  It  has  been  truly  siiid  that  we  may  make  our- 
selves what  we  please  between  fifteen  and  five-and-twenty. 

Of  course,  what  we  an;  and  what  we  wish  U)  lie  depend 
much  on  the  Wnt  given  in  earlier  years  ;  but  it  is  also  the  case 
thai  if  that  bent  has  been  an  und»sirablM  one,  or  we  find  our 
ways  such  as  we  disapprove,  bmI  (»ur  tniiiiing  dtfifient,  there  is  st  11 
time  V>  take  ourselves  in  hand  bef.ire  the  real  bu-iness  of  life 
b»*giii8,  and  do  the  work  for  ours»dveg.  Or  if,  far  ha(>pier,  we 
have  been  tniined  in  the  way  iu  which  we  shouM  gf>,  we  have 
oidy  to  walk  in  it  as  olwdiently  but  with  more  iiit  lli^ence,  and 
becoming  more  and  more  able  to  see  over  the  hedges  that  guard 
it  on  cither  nido. 

It  «loos  often  hapuen  that  ronfirmation  is  the  stai ting-point  in 
life.  The  Gracn  then  imparted  is  spiritual  strength  to  thoso 
who  have  the  will  to  use  it  Moreover,  the  previous  preparation 
is,  or  ought  to  be,  of  a  much  deefwr  an<l  wider  naturu  than  the 
religious  lessoui  of  childhooil.  More  advanced  devotirinul  lj«j(»k8 
are  put  into  the  liands ;  and  the  access  to  the  Holy  Eucharist 
brings  a  continuation  of  higher  Help. 

Thus,  not  menly  from  age,  but  from  instruction,  training,  and 
above  all  Sacramental  Grace,  a  higher  level  is  obtained,  clearer 
views  of  duty  and  more  stringent  obligations  are  felt;  and  if 
the  world  is  opening  on  us,  there  is  greater  slrength  to  ovtrcume 
the  wcrld. 

f  2 


68  WOMAXKIJrO. 

Somelimr*  hrrn  too  begin  the  difli«'tiUir«  ami  qncallons  ot 
coniM*irnct5.      K«riiiljr   law   iiritl««l  rvoytliii>g  h»fac« ;    dov    Ui6 

lii;^'hi-r  law  ut  fciL      Vi  '    '  !  woji  nun  •)!«  wm  •t«>iii|* 

rii^'lit    if    iiIm^    woa   I'I*  I  Now    ihrt   thouf^ht   i>t 

|il-«i»ii>K   (tixl    tiA4   r«)fne    ki^t'i'rM    hrr    tnoro    fully   tlian    boforr. 
"To  t-xaiiiiiiM  thfiiiiMlvi'4  «hpih«<r  iIm^v  rr|M>nt  ilnm  liuljr,"  i* 
ito  lon^rr  only   the  pijjual  that  th«  C'atrviiuini   u  over,   b<it   a 
tvcii^lity    prvM-iit    coiiiiiiaiiil,    li-«>liii|;    to    •    far     luom    ar  <■ 
etitiiiiale  of  rit^ht  ai>tl   wrong  tli«ii   wi>rn  •  few  luoiitha  )- 
the  kiiowlrd^  uf  the  family  aitil  eL-hoolruoui  code  wu  sul' 
giiiilif  to  «lut>  an  I  coitH'iriirr. 

Happy  lie)  o  who  have  l>a<  to  obv'y  in<  re  int*  Ilitrrtitly  •nd 
«iih  a  J«««>|vr  im*i>w  of  ol>l  pitiun,  artil  who  e  conarioocw  eon- 
tiiMH'H  to  W    k'"<  '••'!    hy    the    •  "  t 

p«>n-«'pti«>n*,    wilh  fnthrf   and    :  •! 

judgi-t  ff  what  i«  goo>l  and  right,  ruling  the  mind  and  opinioor 
as  wi-11  a.4  thr  ai'iiitrm. 

Of  cour'O  ilim  tannot  alwaya  be  the  c««».  No  prwin  ia 
infallihlo  ;  ami  in  (he  prvwmt  day,  it  ha«  bucome  m>  luurh  th« 
cuAtom  t)  entnm'  the  eilumtinn  and  rrlipon*  traintnt*.  evrn  of 
girU,  to  out«id>  r',  that  it  •*  n<>t  in  thr>  ha>t  to  t»r>  won>i*r«Ml  at  that 
their  opinionn  and  ttt  Aiid.irdit  nhouM  not  \m  uniforndy  aftrr  the 
{>nrrtit;d  pciltcrn.  The  father  and  niothrr  who  have  ncircrly 
uicddh>d  with  th>-ir  daii^jhtrr'a  rrl'-^notm  iimtniction  ainoe  it 
wns  pntty  to  In ar  hrr  li«p   t'»«r  hynin^,   have   '  •  nl  to 

know  thnt  tho  j»i>vrn»»*i»  "nail  wiih  her,"  a»«d   t;     .  it  her 

to  Iho  youn;;  l«dy  (vontirmation  clasMV,  are  ottrrly  takrn  aback 
wlu'n  they  find  her  n  (  .^ 

Arc,  an»  on  i»  iiiuih  t;"  ■      v 

WfPo  youn}». 

It  wouhl  not  havo  U-vn  so  if  thny  hml  tiinj;ht  hrr  t'  '   •  * 

Tlion  they  would  have  had  th«'ir  niinds  alive  to  the  h 
of  relif^ious  thonjjht,  and  would   have  U-on   with  her  at  ertry 
stop,  either  dirwctin;^  or  acronipanving  the  lienl   of  her  n-ind, 
and  at  any  m'e  rfm:uning  the  mould  of  h'-r  opinions. 

Itut  it  is  not  80  mu^h  in  the  pareiils  that  I  want  to  live  now, 


TOE   TEn.VS. 


69 


a^  in  tlio  yonng  girl  just  come  to  the  secoiwl  piriol  of  liff.  For 
'iius  would  I  (livitit?  most  lives:  the  perio  1  of  being  mouMeJ 
hy  otliei-s,  iU*'  pfiioil  of  mouliling  ourstlves,  the  period  of 
action,  the  perio  I  of  iiiHiifncr,  the  jK^riod  of  ust  These  last 
throe  ar.i  in  fa<t  iho  time  for  moulding  othirs,  more  or  l.-ss. 

The  girl  of  tift*'«'n  hin  g-MuriHy  not  only  reached  her  full 
Btiiture  within  a  f«jw  li^hths  of  an  inch,  but  she  has  {Missed  over 
the  chiMish  animd  n-sllo-siirsH  and  cnving  for  motion  that 
make^  study  or  thouglit  a  trial  She  is  n  git  at  «leol  older  tiian 
h»r  brother  at  the  sduie  age.  and  if  of  the  same  scale  of  abilities, 
ftp|)«ars  far  Mqwrior,  lK?cau.H4«  hi.H  will  grow  I  itt-r,  when  he  will  be 
in  eariii  .st  al>jut  study  that  witli  lur  will  have  c.ii-sed  to  bo 
compul-Hory ;  and  yet,  wliere  ho  does  do  his  Im  st  and  tiikes  an 
iiiten'st,  ho  si  creeds  belter  than  she  do-s,  either  from  mjwou- 
Ime  force  or  bt-iiig  more  trained  to  woik.  His  f>-say  will  be  lietter 
constructed  and  more  l.ngi.uil  tliau  Ikth  ;  if  ho  Uikes  »ip  a  mol«rn 
language  in  ejxrnest,  he  will  actjuire  as  niucli  in  one  vacation 
as  she  in  a  year  or  two  ;  or  if  ho  have  a  tit  of  botany,  he  will 
go  down  to  first  |»rin<i|)l.'»«,  and  begin  to  teach  her  wlu-n  sIjo 
thought  herself  tea.  Idng  him. 

But  she  thinks  and  reflects  roor«\     She  has  altogether  more 
gelfcoiisiiousiuss  and   Um  simi-li'  ity    than   he,  l)eMig   in  truth 
nearer  to  maturity,   tho'igh  of  lesn    |M»wor ;  and  she   is   hioking 
o  it  upon  life,  anil  In-ginning  to  make  herself.      Ikioks  tliat  nho 
now  reads   will  Iw    landmatk-,  Ixjth    in    religious   and    secular 
matters,  and  lior  Ui^tes  are  cntliusiaslic.      There  is  a  great  elfer- 
vescenco  of  vehemenc-,  admiration,  and  eagornes<>,  with  more  or 
lesi  solid  maUrial  at   tlio   bottom  ;  an   intensity  of  everything 
lH)th  of  hope  and  fear,  joy  and  grief,  restlessness  an<l  enjoyment, 
hei-o-worship  and  tletcslation  ;  and  withal,  a  certain  unfamiliarity 
with  her  own  macliinery  of  utterance  and  expre.ssi(»n,  that  often 
makes  the  creature  a  trial  to  her  friends  and  a  ftill  greater  trial 
t4>  herself.      If  she  is  at  eas-,  her  eagerness  generally  makes  her 
commit  herself  by  iRTtness— if  shy  or  rcM  rved,  flic   falls   into 
the  miseries  of  embarrassment     Her  inexpL-rlonco  tries  cxperi- 
UK-nta  that    become    the    laughingstock    of     the    family;    her 


TO  WOMAN  KLXD. 

en;*rrnci»  importune*  tho  el«li*n  ;  in  fart,  nothin;;  }nit  th«  h'v^h 
•piritu  of  her  ii;;n  War  ht^r  thnni;*))  the  oiiUK-m  cvMtntrmpt  to 
Krhich  h»T  un«lfV«|()|»«Ml  nfn'  »  lior. 

Thr  iifxt  two  or  thn?«'  nr  v  h^r  huniMt  ymmof  iitiiilT, 

at  a  (^oo«|  HclitM)!,  with  a   t  nr  with   nti  ' 

Kven  if  ber  faiiiily  )mi  iiriiM  ...^   ■   ..Apttolin  •  f<- 

thut  now  i>hn  inu»t  inakr  tho  mmit  of  her  tiiiir.  und  hrinu'  K 
up  to  tho  onliimr'. 

iit  th«<  (^rtatof  in  ^  ,        . 

foun<lalions  aro  opt  to  Iw   much   wona  laid ;  bihI   in  the  n«zl 

1i<»u  ;  "  in.     I  r 

for  life.  Aftir  that^  krrping  up  an  availahl*  araonnt  off 
fuMhioniihlo  company,  luuaic  ia  the  nioat  tcriutM  stuUj  rr«|uir«d 
of  hrr. 

Ilnwi'vrr,  thi«  cl«M  of  y  .  i^  foAt  (liminl>hin;*.  an«l  I 

ail)  not  writin>{  for  loirh  %•*  ^>'  ■['■<■  •  ••  in  »uch  a  «loom  of  diilt  -« 
'J'ho  wonlit  nmr  xtartlu  thi'Ui  an  th«<v  ait  ov^r  (Inrmnn  exi-r  « 
in  thi^  fit  hiMilriM'in  ami  h<*ar  thrir  *•■  :  on  the  *t  or* 

— hut  thry  niuy  ili-|M-nil  n|«on  it  ll.  .  ,-.,^  .....;  amtiM  m*  t>t  u 
tlio  ilulK>t  thin);  in  the  worhl.  N«>ihiii;;  hnt  arrioun  rniph»y* 
iiuMit  ran  ;;iv«»  wvt  to  recrrntii»n,  t»nly  a  rral  purj><>«o  of  touJ 
wciirt'  n  .*i'ii»e  of  vatirty  and  |>»»wrr  «>f  (>'ayfuliK>Aii. 

The  <li(T*n-nco  thvto  i^,  or  ou^ht  to  bo,  i*  that  before  •  (hH 
Icn.'t's  tho  Ki  '      '  f    i 

pMMi  many  m  i  ,!•   r 

wunis  »»h«!  is  free  to  pursue  whatever  coun»ti  she  ia  bc«t  httcd  for. 

Tlu'ii   of   course  there  Hro  ort^iin  drmunds   of    tli  t 

Ifvel  of  cultivation   to  w}iioh  ovrry  j^irl    hai  to    lie    v,  •. 

HJiko,  if  slie  is  to  bo  paved  di^«gn^c«.•  and  niorlitication  injunoua 
to  self-rt'siioct. 

Is  not  this  often  tho  re-iidinim  of  education,  trith  a  va;»ae 
pmattiMing  of  ono  or  oih.r  arooinpliOimeiit  on  the  topt 

"What  llie  imajjiniiry  dam-«l  of  sixt^n  or  scvrn'ccn  doc<«,  in 
fiction,  is  to  roiul  Dante  and  Goethe  with  case,  play  ravishin^ly, 
:;nd  diaw  like   an  artist,   bcsid&a  1>cing  ready  to  command   a 


Tnc   rEF.N'3.  71 

hoti'?chol(1,  nnrso  a  sick  person,  ami  mamsp  a  Simlav- school,  by 
natui-o — in  fact,  sho  is  generally  the  ouly  iHirsuu  yifted  with 
presence  of  mind  or  common  sense. 

Now  what  should  the  pos.-iMe  girl  be  ahle  to  do  when  the 
Beho«»lroooru  life  ends  I  Acconling  to  our  notions,  she  ought  to 
have  been  thoroughly  well  groiimlcd  in  what  is  culled  an  Knglish 
eilucatioti,  and  know  i'rench  almost  m  >»t'll  as  her  own  language. 
If  t»he  a'so  knows  I^tin  grammar,  and  can  construe  a  tolerably 
easy  classic  correctly,  so  much  tlie  belter.  German  or  Italian,  or 
both,  ought  to  have  l>een  begun,  ami  brought  to  a  state  in  which 
she  can  keep  them  up  by  ma'iin;},  if  no  muster  bo  attainable. 

So  with  exact  3;ience.  slie  viust  have  li-arnt  enough  to  work 
with,  and  ouglit  Uy  know  .sometliing  of  the  higher  branches.  If 
she  have  the  jM»wer,  to  go  in  o  a'g^•l•^a  and  mathematics  ia  now  a 
very  benclicial  stu  ly,  and  one  much  to  be  commended  for  the 
training  in  thought  It  is  one,  likewLie,  in  which  the  fenial) 
uiind  can  reach  a  very  fair  level,  and  which  is  so  progns  ive, 
and  80  much  connected  with  science  and  discovery,  as  t^j  be  full 
of  new  interest^.  But  it  is  almo»t  impossible  to  ^ome  intellects 
therefore  n-t  to  be  univer-ally  reco:nm?ncled. 

History  whould  Ikj  known  by  this  time,  so  far  as  that  the 
outlines  of  English  and  ancient  history  should  Im  thoroughly 
familiar,  and  that  namis  and  dutes  should  be  known  bc\onil 
conlusion,  French  hi-t"ry  should  likewLe  be  known,  partly  ns 
a  k»*y  to  that  f>f  other  Kunp.  an  6t;;tc8.  And  there  should  bo 
an  ii.telligent  idea  (f  the  general  course  of  Euroi>oan  events  ; 
but  the  details  may  remain  to  be  obt lined  by  the  riieody  reading 
of  a  portion  every  day,  or  what  wo.'?  once  kno\*n  will  so-ui  become 
misty  ;  and  it  is  really  iraportarit  to  be  thoroughly  ac<iuainted 
with  history,  for  so  much  of  opinion  and  judgment  in  politics, 
and  all  connected  with  national  and  imlividual  welfare,  is 
foundid  on  past  experience  ;  and  biography  is  s»  full  of  precious 
rxamplcs  of  our  pn  d>  ces^iors  in  the  Church,  that  these  studies 
are  almost  c.^sent'al  to  the  forniation  of  the  chaiactcr. 

As  to  accomi>lishments,  it  is  well  that  the  grammar  of  both 
{uabic  and  drawing,  and  a  certain  facility  ot  mechanical  exccutiuD 


TJ  WoMAJtKIXft 


•rt,  llio  g>rl  of  aevetitfwn  will  of  eouiM  haw  {*nn<i  iMiood  t 


■iich  •«iilri>ifM  to  tur  f»culiir«,  that  thrj  oa)(ht  by  do  mmn*  to 
U  nrj;Ut«|  ■!,»'.     •••«...     .       .      ..  ,^     gl^ 

•liouM  kiioir  h>tu  .to  •nlor 

tiit>>  ihfl  (.harm   u(  m  .  ixiv  t'  'Vrr*,  apan;** 

fumittirr,  at)il  ctH*iHM)  .li.     ■  .  ^.;hlat«>t:  *.  to  ofTrii  '  •' - 

0J9  ;  anil  tho  will  ufi«n  !■•  at  a  1o4M  %t  ah-  '.  u<r  a  |i«i     . 

lin  V. 

I  to  enjiy  A  eon«»rt  ••know- 

ltHigi>ab|jr,'*   and   to  giro  iut'-Uixvnt  aid  if   iim«Im1  in  (*Iiq  eh 
iiiuiiic,  «»cn  t"        ■    ' 
Kithrr  of  til- 

{>iir«u«Hi  or  Irt  aluno  sfltT  the  g'O  mdwurk  ba«  bv«Q  laid,  accurd* 
ing  ti  iho  Ix-nt  «>f  lh«  |>o*.  !"'•«. 

'Iho  rt<al  |x)int  t4,  that  w  .Uim  rei«i{;n  th«>tr  char^;^, 

tho  pupil  should  l«  turiixl  out  wiib  all  hrr  fa>ultir«  of  mind 
a*id  bod/  in  the  b^t  WMrLiii}*  orJrr  |Mf»i)>|M  to  Ihrin,  with 
the  grontxiworlc  lai>l,  and  an  iiit«>lh'^'«M)t  powrr  of  at'rotii>n 
<nfHiMn  of  bung  UM.d  lu  »hal«.vcr  diiwUou  cucuiuataukM  tuaj 


CIIATTEU  S. 
ncLioiox. 


CoimnAfKTioN  Ims  pet  tlie  n^nl,  and  tli«  ronnjj  hftrr  #>nt^T»d 
on  that  stiige  which  will  i-  a  nnnner  endure  for  the  nei>t  of 
t  rir  lives,  an<1  I  thpn'''on'  >    ite  r.i  her  to  them  than  of  lliera. 

'iliis  ^H.Ti<Ml  id  thu  most  ii.^^'uriaiit,  fur  it  is  apt  to  fix  tha 


EELIGIOV.  73 

btonflard  an«l  tone  for  many  years,  if  not  for  the  wIikIo  lifti. 
Kveu  tlib  j)h:ne  of  rt-li^ion  then  u»Jo|  t<  d  is,  in  « liar.u  U  ra  not 
unusually  tickle,  that  which  eniJure<»,  exc»^iit  under  the  guidance 
of  a  Lu^baiid,  or  of  souio  otiier  strung'  iuHu-'iice.  lu  truth, 
most  iierfons  adopt  the  doctrine  which  haa  be*-n  most  strongly 
presented  to  tht'Ui  at  the  nionient  when  their  eouU  were  in  an 
earne-'t  sL;it«. 

And  what  is  a  nligioiis  person  t  The  on^'inal  meaninj^  of 
the  woni  ICeligiuij  is  •*  rule."  Then-fore  the  ri'ligious  are  those 
who  unier  their  iive«  by  the  nile  of  (JoiJ's  I^w,  and  live  as  in 
11  is  fight  The  iiappiest  are  such  w  have  the  B|>iritual  sense  so 
clear  that  they  can  p«Tceive  and  rejoice  in  (lod's  prijsenco  and 
coiisulition,  and  f.el  ii}vigorut<d  by  IIis  at<i,  waiuiud  into  a 
glow  of  j)er8onal  love  tuwurdn  the  Saviour  iu»  Friend  and  lirother, 
take  intense  pleus>iro  io  all  that  rvlatis  to  Ilini,  and  feel  that 
interest  outwe  gh  all  oth»  r-t — living  their  Kverlxsting  Life,  as  it 
vriro — consciou  ly  and  naily  longing  for  Heaven. 

Tiiese  characters  are,  however,  rare  ;  and  much  di.-treRS  has 
b*  en  cauwd  among  many  by  the  n  fu.-al  of  a  certain  school  of 
thought  to  acknowli«!g«»  any  p<•r^oll  to  l>e  religious  who  is  not 
coriMritms  of  having  realiz*-d  tliat  the  AUjnoment  is  i>erHoiially 
R|plied  to  his  individual  sins,  and  has  not  gone  through  a  keen 
8eii-o    of    sin,    h< '    '  -■>,    and     rli  f.       Very    c<>uccientiou8 

minds,  of  s'rong  :   truth,   have   ofun   suffered   t^'rrihly 

from  ])eing  unable  to  work  thenis- Ivea  np  to  this  ctioisof  feeling, 
although  their  faith  a.d  tru-t  may  Im;  deep. 

Dutiful  na'ures,  absolutely  shrii.king  from  wilful  evil,  and 
mo-t  anxious  to  ol>ey  and  fulfd  their  own  sense  of  right,  are 
often  despised  and  treated  a-<  under  the  bondage  of  the  I^w, 
jiutting  their  tru.>-t  in  their  own  work-",  «S:c.  But  it  is  a  Kafi-r 
way  of  looking  at  it,  to  regard  theui  as  o>je<iipnt  travellers  ii 
the  highway  of  holiness,  but  not  yet  able  to  look  over  the 
hedges,  and  occupied  with  their  surroun<iings,  so  as  not  yet  lo 
wish  for  the  end  of  the  journey,  even  though  not  doubling  of 
its  joy  and  blesi>e<lnes9. 

There  arc,  in  fact,  three  cl.is3  3  :  those  who  have  attained  to 


74  TToUANKIND. 

hippy  p^T^onal  l.ivo  of  CoJ  ;  tho<wi  who  act  from  »trorjj  Reuse 
o(  ilii'y  ;  and  lho<«e  wlio  aiv  nlwohitfly  ran-lisa  ai.d  abt<ori>i-il  in 
tlio  i>l«Mi«un'ft  of  tho  inoiiHMit,  only  di>sin>U4  to  aToitl  »liat«'vir 
01-eni.s  to  them  dull,  di'|irrs-tin}»,  or  rcstraiuing.  And,  of  coiir*f, 
most  people  htlong  a  litth',  nioro  or  Icm,  to  oai:h aort.  Kven  the 
h>vinj^  los«',  for  a  tiin",  ihfir  k«'on  wniirt  of  »piritu  il  tliiri^*-*.  and 
mt'tl  tho  biaciii},'  of  iluty  nful  f.-ur  of  wrutli  to  kn-p  them  f'om 
InpHos;  the  dutiful  win  gleams  of  heavenly  li^ht  and  longing 
on  their  best  nide,  and,  on  thrir  »<>rsl,ar«>  t«"riiptid  to  r«*!»i^t  every 
fre^h  th'munii  which  |)>iiii  iplc  inaken  on  th<-iu,  to  do  or  not  to 
do;  while  even  tho  can-leM  iihrink  from  some  evils,  and  are  at 
times  awakened  to  tKou.'ht^  of  b<-tt4>r  tiling*. 

Sitcrnnient^  arc  a&suretlly  the  f^nai  means  of  giving,  Qpholding, 
aiid  niaint lining  the  Hpiritual  life.  The  npiriiually  min<l«d  find 
in  them  actual  hlis.H,  und  sense  of  union  and  strvii^'th  ;  th.)  <luti- 
ful  obtain  ihdt  force  of  wdl  and  cleanieiw  of  judgment  which 
cnablii  tht-m  to  |xT!»««vere  in  their  practical  du'ies,  aMiongh 
to  the»e  tho  temptation  is  apt  to  U)  that  tlwy  do  not,  as 
thi-y  say,  /«/  the  bettor  for  ihem.  I>t  them  Ijo  suio  that  if 
they  do  not  /^el  i)\e  belter,  they  wouM  s;M*edily  i^  the  wor^o 
without  thi'in,  and  that  to  go  patiently  on  bit  ding  tho  att>-ntion, 
if  nothing  el.4o  c:in  Iw  b«>uiid,  is  tho  wny  to  win  tho  inwnrd 
insight  at  last,  though  p<  rhaps  not  1 11  somo  external  shcck 
have  lessened  iho  charm  of  earthly  things. 

There  is  a  dangtr  greater  than  theirs  — tha^  namely,  of  tr.king 
iiitclluotual  or  a'sthetio  interest  in  Church  ordinances 'or  devotion 
— yes,  or  menly  tho  excitement  rreated  by  what  luu-t  be  calhd 
'*  rcl'gious  di«t»i|KitioM."  In  a  8«>cluilcd  parish,  or  a  strict  fan.  11  v. 
the  Chunh  services  often  form  the  only  variety  or  int<r. -t, 
together  with  the  occupation  that  is  given  by  pn'parat  on  for 
festivals,  church  decking,  choii  practices,  &c  ;  while  in  towns, 
the  coaiparison  of  ornaments,  services,  and  sermons,  the  di.-ciis- 
sion  of  churches  and  cltrgymen,  and  strong  exprts-<ious  respecting 
them,  and  the  running  after  all  remarkable  functions,  may  be 
taken  for  religion.  It  is  a  fatal  error,  and  calls  for  St.  James's 
awful  words,  ''If  any  man  among  you  sccm  to  bo  religious,  and 


RELIGION.  75 

bridl.  th  not  his  tongue,  but  Jecciveth  his  own  heart,  this  man's 
religion  is  vain." 

Irial  or  temptation  only  too  soon  will  show  tliat  this  was  l>ut 
the  seed  without  depth  of  eaith,  which  wiihertth  away. 

Yet  the  seaiity  earth  may  be  deepened,  and  become  a  fruitful 
soiL  And  how  ?  IJy  dihris  of  weeds.  Each  temptation  over- 
come deepens  the  soil,  and  gives  a  hold  to  the  root.  The  grent 
tffort  must  be,  not  to  dread  or  shun  the  services  for  fear  of 
unreality,  but  to  bring  the  life  up  to  them,  and  to  bridle  tli« 
tongue.  To  lake  the  fi-iust  without  the  fa>t  is  a  dangerous  thing, 
untl  one  to  which  we  are  far  too  prone  ;  fur  unluckily,  we  havo 
not  only  our  own  selHsh  solves  in  the  way,  but  the  world  \a  tar 
nmre  angt-red  at  fii-sting  than  at  feasting,  and  ob.sta<lis are  thrown 
in  the  way  on  the  plea  of  healili  and  politene.s3,  which  bring  in 
questions  of  obedience.  Now,  there  can  be  no  question  that 
fasts  are  quite  as  much  a  Divine  ordinance  as  f  •a.-t-,  and  that  a 
little  extra  going  to  cliureh,  esix'cially  to  varieties  of  servi(-tid 
and  preachers,  is  not  tlie  only  observance  enj(jined  on  Chris-tians. 
Unless  something  be  given  up  so  as  to  form  a  real  niorlili.  a- 
lion  on  tlin  appointed  da3s,  al>stinence  is  not  u^»mI,  and  ther«i 
is  no  Siifeguard  against  relig  ou  l>eeuming  only  exeitenjent  ami 
dissipation. 

This  has  berome  even  more  nrce.«y!ary,  so  far  as  character  and 
training  are  concerned,  V)y  the  relaxation  of  strictne.ss  on  Sunday. 
If  the  gravity  and  severity  of  the  Lord's  I)ay  1)0  changed  lor 
pleasure,  and  the  Church  services  become  (and  litly  too)  deliglits 
to  the  eye  and  ear,  there  is  none  of  that  bracing  which  tho 
I'uiitanically  inclined  Christian  had  in  giving  up  all  secular 
recreation  and  listening  to  unornamented  services.  No ;  a 
Catholic  Sunday  of  joy  is  only  safe  when  preceded  by  a  Catholic 
Friday,  marked  by  the  avoiding  of  some  ordinary  indulgence, 
the  choice  of  some  graver  or  more  distasteful  duty. 

If  heads  of  families  would  aVstain  from  Fii-lay  parties,  and 
housewives  make  it  pos.*ible  to  fast  at  meals  without  attiacting 
observation,  the^  a&sislance  to  the  young  would  be  great.  iJut 
where  this  is  not  the  household  rule,  it  is  still  possible  to  every- 


,T6  WOMAXKIITD. 

one  to  abstain  from  something  prcf«Mrf1,  an  1  to  do  sonielhin^ 
less  agri'«  a])le.  oa  a  siiniilo  act  of  olKili.nce  lo  tliu  Church  uud 
th(j  Cluirch's  Head. 

The  real  niatt>T  to  remptub^r  is,  that  the  swett  cannot  be 
laken  wiihout  tln)  bitter.  Chnnh-gniiii,'  n,nd  church  decoration 
become  a  mere  indulgence  and  exciioiiM-nt,  unli-ss  they  be 
accompanied  v/ith  steady  liahils  of  j)rivat«f  pnyer,  self  dis  ripline, 
duty  t<j  the  home  and  to  tl>e  jtoor,  and  Ijiidhng  the  tongnp. 

And  often  the  per.-on  who  <jiiie;tly  and  iinllincliingly  doos 
ppend  her  time  in  unselfish  caro  of  i.tliers,  and  is  ub«jtliHiit  and 
(levont  up  to  her  knowledge,  is  in  a  fir  safer  »«t>ite  than  she  can 
be  who  indulges  in  far  more  obiervance,  his  far  niort)  know- 
ledge, and  intinitvly  more  chatter  and  ciitirisni,  yet  who 
uniformly  ''slirinka  when  hard  service  must  be  done" — nay, 
rather  dnanis  of  future  hard  s<rvice,  and  shrinks  fiom  homely 
present  service. 

It  is  dilHcult,  not  to  say  impossil)lo,  to  lay  down  abstract 
rules  of  observance  for  everyone,  because  duties  and  characters 
differ  so  much,  as  well  as  degrees  of  spirituality,  and  what 
■would  be  an  advance  to  one  would  be  a  falling  <>IF  to  another 
]>ut  there  is  a  standard  re(iuired  by  the  Church  of  all  who 
■would  not  lose  their  outwnrd  membership  with  her,  and  this  is 
— according  to  her  requirements  as  expressed  in  the  Prayer- 
book — Communion  three  times  a  year,  and  attendance  at  public 
Avorship  on  Sunday. 

This  is  the  lowest  rule  she  acknowledges,  as  the  test  of  actua 
visible  union.  The  true  inner  life  and  perpetual  stniggle  with 
sin  require  far  more  ailment,  and  the  faith  infinitely  more 
support,  than  this,  which  is,  in  fact,  fi.^ed  at  the  lowest  rate  for 
external  practical  purposes. 

Her  rules  for  such  members  as  wish  to  be  trained  up  within 
her,  are  morning  and  evening  prayer,  frequent  Communion,  and 
the  due  observance  of  Sundays,  Fea.-<t  and  Fast  days.  Into 
closer  details  she  does  not  gO;  because  she  has,  in  making 
universal  rules,  to  allow  for  the  vast  dilTerences  ;iiade  by  station, 
business,  and  education. 


RELIGION.  77 

N"o  one  who  reads  these  papers  is  likely  to  have  been  "bnmght 
up  witliout  the  habit  of  private  morning  and  evening  prayer ; 
and  at  Confirmation,  it  is  likely  that  some  manual  has  been  put 
into  her  hands  more  advanced  than  the  childish  prayers  with 
which  she  began  life.  If  she  bo  seeking  for  something  of  the 
kind,  I  would  suggest  liev.  T.  Carter's  Treasury  of  Devotion, 
or  R,  Brett's  Churchman's  Guide,  or  his  Office  of  the  most  Holy 
Xame.  It  is  desirable  also  to  use  a  mid-day  prayer.  There  is 
generally  an  opportunity  of  short  retirement  at  noon,  or  at  any 
rate  before  the  mid  day  meal,  when  the  recollection  of  our 
lilessed  Lord's  Passion  on  the  Cross  should  be  called  before  us. 
The  devotions  for  the  Hours  will  afford  us  help  here.  That  for 
the  Sixth  Hour  is  very  short,  and  can  be  said  standing,  so  as 
not  to  attract  observation. 

These  are  the  fixed  times  of  daily  prayer,  that  ought  not  to 
be  omitted.  Many  find  it  a  great  blessing  to  observe  the  other 
Day  Hours  ;  others  find  it  a  great  help  to  use  a  short  prayei 
before  going  out  of  doors  ;  and  good  jNlrs.  Cameron  used  to 
teach  her  daughters,  when  they  went  into  company,  to  tell  each 
other  of  some  text  to  be  their  guide  and  help.  Girls  at  home  may 
well  and  happily  use  some  of  their  devotions  in  common,  espe- 
cially those  of  praise,  intercession,  and  memorial,  and  these 
leave  precious  and  sweet  bonds  of  love,  "  wreaths  of  hope  for 
aye  to  live."  But  each  soul  must  also  have  its  own  commun- 
ings with  God,  and  these  must  be  alone.  Tlie  individual  life 
must  have  its  private  self-examination,  confession  of  sins,  and 
entreaty  for  pardon ;  and  help  cannot  be  shared  with  any  one 
however  near  and  dear.  So  devotionnl  reading  may  well  be 
done  in  common,  especially  the  Psalms  and  Lesions,  as  the 
substitute  where  daily  service  is  impracticable;  but  the  verse 
which  should  be  meditated  and  prayed  over  must  be  studied 
alone. 

;Make  some  Scripture  reading,  however  brief,  a  daily  oblif^a- 
tion ;  and  likewise  some  endeavour  at  meditation,  if  only  fur 
five  minutes ;  also  some  portion  of  devotional  reading,  such  as  a 
chapter  of  Thomas  4  Kerapis's  Imitation,   of  Taylor's  Golden 


78  WOMANKIND. 

Grove,  or  a  portion  of  some  comment  on  the  Psalms  or  Gospels- 
The  time  may  be  either  at  rising,  bed-time,  or  noon,  aceordiiig 
to  the  power  of  attention,  or  freedom  from  interru[)tiun  ;  but 
the  duty  is  to  be  placed  with  one  of  the  three  times  of  daily 
prayer,  as  essential  to  the  spiritual  life. 

Sunday  church-going  is,  of  course,  the  next  outward  observ- 
ance. This  ought  to  be  looked  on  as  our  regular  homage  to 
God,  and  therefore  to  be  made  the  first  consideiation  in  all  our 
arrangements,  never  to  be  sacrificed  for  any  consideration  short 
of  illness  or  absolute  duty.  It  ought  never  to  be  given  up  for 
mere  matters  of  convenience  or  pleasure,  weather  or  comfort, 
unless  it  be  a  vital  matter  of  health. 

And  at  Church,  the  resolution  to  kneel  really,  in  spite  of  bad 
example  or  adverse  arrangements,  and  to  have  no  silly  fancies 
about  cushions  and  hassocks  to  kneel  upon,  is  a  great  aid  to 
devout  reverence.  These  sound  like  mere  formalisms,  but  they 
are  not.  The  forcing  ouri^clves  to  put  our  duty  to  God  above  all 
else,  is  the  Avay  to  learn  the  love  of  God. 

llolyday  services  should  also  be  deemed  a  duty,  and  not 
thrown  aside  as  non-essential  when  any  trilling  pleasure  comes 
in  the  way.  Of  course,  if  attendance  theieat  upsets  a  whole 
plan  involving  other  people's  gratification,  they  should  not  be 
made  a  burthen,  at  least  those  of  Saints'- days  ;  but  the  great 
days,  connected  with  our  Lord  Him.self,  should  be  consecrated 
by  worship  to  the  full.  It  is  not  difficult,  by  universal  consent, 
to  go  to  church  on,  and  set  apart,  Christmas  Day  or  Good 
Friday ;  but  the  observance  of  both  too  often  ends  with  morn- 
ing service.  'Pleasures  on  Christmas  Day  surely  ought  not  to 
exclude  a  second  kneeling  in  reverence  before  the  mystery  of  the 
Incarnation,  and  they  ou;4ht  not  to  degenerate  into  mere  sport 
and  eating.  So  Good  Friday  ought  to  be  kept  as  much  in 
quiet  and  solemnity  as  possible,  and  no  facilities  given  at  Church 
for  so  doing  should  be  neglected.  And  on  Ascension  Day,  a 
stand  should  be  made  against  journeys  or  parties  of  pleasure, 
that  would  clash  with  as  full  an  observance  as  on  the  other 
days. 


EDLIGION'.  79 

Wliere  daily  service  is  within  reach,  T  tliinlc  I  may  secnrcly 
say  that  attendance  thereat  Lecomes  a  bleisiiig,  if  steadily 
persevered  in,  and  not  lightly  omitted.  Tlie  giving  it  up  be- 
cause "  I  have  tried  it,  and  I  didn't  seem  the  better  for  it,"  is 
a  great  mistake.  Going  to  Church  is  not  only,  nor  chicily, 
to  do  ourselves  good.  It  is  primarily  to  praise  God.  Moreover, 
many  of  the  interce?!sions  in  the  Litany  are  not  to  do  ourselves, 
but  others,  good.  But  reasonable  hindrances  must,  of  course, 
take  more  effect  in  keeping  from  daily  than  Sunday  service  ; 
only  let  us  be  quite  sure  that  it  is  only  trtie  duty  to  our  neigh- 
bour that  keeps  us  at  home,  and  then  we  shall  not  be  failing  in 
our  duty  to  God. 

And  above  all  stands  the  Holy  Eucharist,  as  the  means  of 
maintaining  our  inward  life.  This  is  not  the  place  for  detailed 
exhortations  on  that  point ;  but  it  is  certain  that  those  who 
love  Avill  come  in  reverence  and  godly  fear  full  often  ;  and 
thope  who  are  but  trying  to  love  will,  if  they  are  Avise,  cling  to 
their  Communions  as  the  means  of  sustaining  and  quickening 
"  the  struggling  spark  of  good  within." 

The  preparations  and  self-examinations  are  indeed  the  tangible 
means  of  stirring  up  the  soul,  discovering  its  dangers  and 
deficiencies.  And  let  it  be  always  remembered,  that  any 
occupation  or  amusement  Avhich  dissipates  the  mind,  and 
flutters  the  spirits  too  much  for  such  preparation,  and  makes 
it  seem  like  .sacrilege  to  enter  the  Holy  of  Holies,  must  be,  to 
one  who  so  feels,  dangerous  and  sinful,  and  a  temptation  that 
ought  to  be  renounced.  Will  it  be  said  that  Sacraments, 
services,  devotions,  readings,  are  not  religion  ?  No,  they  are 
not;  but  they  are  the  framework  of  religion.  The  manna,  the 
water,  and  the  Commandments,  did  not  save  those  in  whom  the 
Word  was  not  mixed  with  faith.  The  garments  of  Chri-t 
were  nothing  to  those  who  merely  thronged  Him,  but  they 
wrought  healing  at  the  touch  of  faith.  So  must  it  be  with 
ourselves.  Here  are  the  means,  here  is  the  connection  with 
the  great  Body  of  Christ.     Thus  may  we  all  be  governed  and 


80  WOMANKIND. 

sanctified,  if  only  we  come,  not  in  a  light  or  fiivclou",  but  in 
an  earnest  spirit,  that  strives  both  to  pray  and  to  "  Jive  moie 
nearly  as  we  pray." 


CHAPTER  Xr. 
T  o  u  :n  g-l  a  d  y  h  o  o  d. 


Heue  is  the  girl  out  of  her  schoolroom  !  "What  is  she  to 
do  1  Some  will  answer,  "  Amuse  herself ; "  others,  "  Amuse  hei 
family;"  and  a  third  set,  *•  Help  her  mother;  "  while  there  are 
a  certain  number  who  would  say,  *'  Improve  herself,"  or  more 
Avisely,  *'  Prepare  for  future  useful ue:^s." 

Some  recommend,  especially  in  these  days,  a  course  of  pre- 
paration such  as  learning  to  nurse,  studying  art,  or  house- 
keeping, or  the  like ;  but  I  am  inclined  to  think  that  definite 
courses  had  better  not  be  decided  on  till  onc-and-twenty ;  and 
that  the  maiden  of  seventeen  or  eighteen,  without  an  obvious 
necefsity,  needs  the  training  of  home  and  family  life,  and  the 
experience  of  society  acquired  in  these  years,  before  choosing 
any  form  of  profession. 

It  is  possible  she  may  marry  before  one-and-twenty,  but  a 
very  small  minority  do  so  ;  and  they  lose  what  is  or  ought  to 
be  a  very  pleasant  and  instructive  pi^riod  of  life.  The  element 
of  girlhood  in  the  house  is  a  very  desirable  one,  and  the  growth 
of  these  years  is  needed  to  mature  the  powers.  But  it  must 
be  growth.  The  great  danger  of  this  time  of  lifn  is  dcsultori- 
ness.  It  is  the  reaction  from  the  methodical  life  of  the  school- 
room, or  school ;  and  where  the  transition  is  violent  from  actual 
school  life,  or  from  the  high  pressure  of  a  finishing  governess, 
there  has  often  been  a  strain  which  makes  it  very  desirable, 
almost  necessary,  to  unbend  the  bow,  by  a  journey  abroad,  a 
sea-side  sojourn,  a  visit,  or  a  brother's  holidajs.  It  may  be 
best  to  have  a  real  vacation  from  all  severe  application. 


YOUNG-LADYnOOD.  81 

r.ut  this  rest  over,  it  is  a  great  pity  to  leave  tlio  wholo 
morning  to  chance.  A  little  note-writing,  a  little  vase-dressing, 
a  little  practising,  a  litlle  reading,  a  little  croquet,  a  great  deal 
of  chatter ;  and  worse  than  all,  much  running  in  and  out 
among  near  neighbours,  till,  even  if  there  have  been  some 
capacity  and  will  for  self-improvement,  the  power  of  steady 
employment  is  frittered  away,  and  no  progress  is  made. 

Mothers  often  contribute  to  this  state  of  things,  and  there  is 
something  to  be  said  for  them.  They  have  looked  forward  to 
the  having  a  daughter  out  of  the  school-room,  to  be  a  companion, 
write  the  invitations,  set  up  the  flower.-s,  and  entcrtiiiu  the 
visitors.  And  all  this  is  good  and  right ;  but  a  little  manage- 
ment on  their  part  may  prevent  them  from  making  such  calls 
on  the  gill's  time  as  to  be  perpctu  d  interruptions,  and  give  her 
a  sense  that  it  is  vain  to  attempt  anything  continuous. 

A  couple  of  hours  at  least  in  the  forenoon  ought  to  be 
secured  for  what  girls  call  "something  sensible,"  and  then  it  is 
that,  having  had  the  foundation  laid  in  the  schoolroom,  she 
can  go  on  to  pursue  her  own  speci  d  bent. 

The  special  direction  is  not  the  point,  but  the  sobering  effect 
and  the  unconscious  training  of  regular  application.  Of  course 
visitors  coming  for  a  very  few  days  require  attention,  and  may 
disturb  the  habit ;  but  when  they  are  staying  for  a  long  time, 
or  where  there  is  a  constant  succession,  they  ought  not  to 
trespass  on  the  girl's  time.  Indeed,  if  they  are  her  mother's 
contemporaries  they  will  not  want  her ;  if  her  own,  they  will 
generally  like  to  share  some  pursuit  which  can  be  modified  for 
their  pleasure  if  needful.  To  many  girls,  a  little  bit  of  study 
done  together,  with  all  the  brightness  of  fresh  intercourse,  ia  as 
good  as  play. 

And  nothing  is  more  certain  than  that  visitors  are  always 
hajipiest  when  the  natives  do  not  sit  up  to  "  etitertain  them," 
but  let  them  share  their  home  life  instead  of  disarranging  it. 

As  to  the  habit  that  pre\'ails  where  there  are  families  of 
girls  of  about  the  same  ego,  of  rushing  into  each  other's 
houses  at  all  hours,  and   standing  gossippiug  there,  the   best 

a 


83  WOMANKIND. 

tiling  the  heads  of  houses  can  do  is  to  prohibit  it  utterly  till 
])lay-time,  which  may  probably  be  the  hour  of  luncheon.  If 
llie  young  people  are  really  at  work  together,  these  meetings  are 
a  dillerent  thing;  but  purposeless  gossip  and  dawdle  should 
be  avoided,  either  by  their  own  determination  or  that  of  their 
parents. 

The  holiday-brother,  or  the  over-worked  gentleman  needing 
entire  rest,  are  the  most  lawful  interrupters  of  the  morning,  but 
their  incursions  are  brief,  and  they  must  sometimes  be  allowed 
to  tyrannize.  It  is  the  going  on  day  after  day,  week  after 
week,  without  fixed  occupation,  with  no  "something  attempted, 
something  done,"  that  weakens  the  whole  nature,  and  induces 
frivolity  and  shallowness,  with  all  their  attendant  mischiefs. 

Nor  is  it  a  mere  matter  of  indill'erence  whether  the  habit  of 
culture  and  regidarity  is  kept  up.  SiP.y,  vacant  women  are,  it 
is  true,  sometimes  preferred  by  men,  and  obtain  their  affections ; 
but  what  a  fearful  charge  it  is  for  a  woman  to  have  a  man's 
heart  given  to  her  ! 
(~  A  weak,  narrow-minded  woman,  im^apablo  of  sympathy  with 
the  higher  life,  may  be  tender,  kiinlly,  ailectionate,  but  she  is 
the  most  fatal  drag  upon  her  husband  or  luver.  He  is  hindered 
fiom  all  llij  nobler  purposes  of  his  life,  or  he  fulfils  them  at 
the  expense  of  his  domestic  peace.  If  he  have  to  make  a 
sacrifice  of  present  advantage  or  income  for  the  sake  of 
principle,  his  wife  simply  views  it  as  robbery  of  her  children  ; 
she  desires  his  advancement  merely  as  a  matter  of  personal 
aggrandizement,  and  his  plans  and  wishes  are  a  mystery  to  her. 
The  Lydia  who  would  not  eniouiter  India,  and  saddened  the 
deep  true  heart  of  Henry  Marty n,  and  her  shadow  in  ^Tiss 
Parr's  Iler  I'itle  to  Honour,  show  what  a  piteous  thing  it  is  for 
a  woman  to  fall  short  of  the  higher  aim  of  her  lover. 

On  the  other  hand,  has  not  many  a  woman  aided  her  husband 
over  some  peri'ous  moment  of  his  life?  as  Vittoria  Colonna 
saved  Pescara  from  becoming  a  traitor  to  h  s  sovereign,  when  a 
smaller-minded  woman  would  have  only  i>ccu  the  Lopo  of  being 
Queen  of  Naples. 


YOUNG  LADYHOOD.  83 

Bn.t  some  ■^rlll  say  these  arc  matters  of  right  and  vrron.cr,  not 
of  learning  and  study.  Ay  ;  but  there  are  cases  in  which  a 
cr.inip(id  uncultured  mind  is  incapable  of  judging  what  is  riglit 
or  wliat  is  wrong,  like  the  good  mother  in  Uanbury  Mills,  who 
was  strictness  itself  in  household  honesty,  yet  was  undisturbed  by 
the  dishonourable  action  that  preyed  on  her  husband's  life. 
And  as  Archbishop  Dupanloup  has  pointed  out,  the  most 
excellent  and  pious  of  women  lose  all  the  power  they  might 
have  in  dealing  with  the  men  of  their  family,  if  their  minds 
are  too  limited  to  comprehend  the  force  of  the  difficulties  that 
are  felt,  and  if  they  cannot  understand  or  sympathize  with 
bri.thcr,  husband,  or  son.  "  My  dear,  I  can't  bear  you  to  talk  in 
that  horrid  way.  It  makes  me  quite  miserable.  I'm  sure  it  is 
wicked."  This  may  silence  the  speaker  in  the  lady's  presence, 
but  will  do  him  no  good,  but  rather  make  him  connect  her 
principles  with  her  silliness. 

Sclioolrooni  studies  cannot  raise  the  intellect  enough  to 
prevent  this  contraction.  They  cannot  possibly  go  far  enough 
in  the  time,  and  even  if  they  did  so,  it  is  constant  use  of  the 
powers  that  is  needed,  not  only  dead  acquirement  unquickened 
by  exertion.  ISIoreovcr,  the  mind  is  capable  of  taking  in  and 
digesting  much  naore  eifectually  in  youth  than  in  girlhood. 

And  apart  from  the  desire  of  usefulness,  far  more  liappiness 
is  laid  up  for  after  years  by  a  person  who  occupies  her  mind 
than  by  one  who  merely  devotes  herself  to  the  pleasures  of 
youth.  Distresses,  illness,  nervous  ndseries,  tedium,  all  may 
be  mitigated  by  the  power  of  being  interested  in  some  intel- 
lectual pursuit.  Even  those  whose  abilities  are  not  great 
can  wonderfully  improve  and  mature  their  powers,  and  keep 
themselves  interested  and  amused  in  no  small  degree,  if  they 
have  fostered  any  intelligent  and  industrious  habits  in  their 
earlier  days. 

Different  dispositions  must  train  themselves  according  to 
their  own  experience  ;  but  it  seems  to  me  an  excellent  rule  that 
there  should  be  no  novel  touched  in  the  forenoon,  except  in  a 
language  so  unfamiliar  that  it  becomes  an  exercise. 

Some  portion  of  a  solid  book  should  be  read  daily,  either  of 

G  2 


84  WOMANKIXD. 

history  or  science  ;  there  should  be  some  Iceeping  np  of  lanc^uagoa 
and  of  accomplishments.  The  language  may  often  be  keijt  up 
by  teaching  a  younger  one,  or  hearing  her  read.  Or  a  new 
language  may  be  studied  where  there  are  facilities  and  there  is  a 
turn  that  way.  German  is  too  difficiilt  to  be  really  acquired  in 
the  schoolroom  without  peculiar  advantages,  and  much  more 
study  needs  to  be  spent  on  it  afterwards,  if  its  strength  and 
beauty  is  to  be  really  appreciated.  Italian,  too,  can  be  easily 
learnt  enough  to  read  a  plain  narrative  in  it ;  but  to  enter  into 
Dante  requires  a  full-grown  mind.  Latin  and  Greek,  too,  may 
be  studied  more  effectually  after  eighteen. 

'  Perhaps  the  best  way  is  to  go  up  for  the  Cambridge  Examina- 
tions. As  these  are  conducted  in  writing,  and  are  not  competi- 
tive, they  do  not  seem  to  me  to  involve  anything  unfeminine  or 
undesirable ;  and  the  benefit  of  having  a  well-considered  scheme 
and  system  given,  and  of  being  stimulated  to  work  for  an 
object,  is  very  great.  It  is  very  desirable  that  all  who  are 
educated  up  to  the  needful  point  should  work  for  it. 

It  requires,  however,  an  amount  of  previous  good  teaching 
and  ability,  and  also  of  leisure,  which  would  put  it  out  of  the 
reach  of  many  ;  but  even  these  should  not  sit  down  content  to 
be  idle  and  trifling,  but  make  it  a  duty  to  lea'n  something, 
practise  soinelhing,  obtain  some  step  in  self  improvement  every 
day,  either  carrying  o  i  the  study  they  liked  best,  or  filling  up 
the  most  serious  gap  in  their  education.  Ihe  self-command  of 
setting  oneself  to  work,  and  the  perseverance  of  continuing  it, 
would  be  great  gain,  even  without  any  further  result. 

Essay  societies  are  useful  in  supplying  object  and  stimulus,  but 
they  will  not  serve  alone,  as  it  is  in  their  nature  to  be  discur- 
sive. Their  name  is  rather  unlucky,  as  it  leads  young  people  to 
set  to  work  on  abstract  subjects,  on  which  they  have  not  much 
worth  saying,  instead  of  going  into  positive  matters  of  fact,  on 
which  they  should  collect  iuformatiou. 

Music  and  drawing,  to  those  who  have  a  turn  for  them,  may 
now  become  arts  instead  of  mere  mechanical  exercises.  This  U, 
in  fact,  a  valuable  period  of  life  to  those  who  arc  wise  enough 
n^t  to  fritter  it  away. 


cuAniiY.  85 

CIIAITER  XIL 

CHARITY. 

N'oBODT  can  "be  really  tiyiiig  to  live  a  leli'gions  life  wlio  does 
lot  "remember  the  poor."  Alm>;giving  is,  without  a  doubt, 
closely  connected  with  godliness  throughout  the  Holy  Scriptures. 

The  mode  of  doing  so  is  the  question  ;  and  there  is  nothing 
upon  which  ways  and  means  so  vary — from  the  clergyman's 
daughter,  whose  daily  occupation  is  necessarily  among  the 
villagers,  to  the  London  girl,  who  is  denied  all  access  to  them. 
This  entire  seclusion  frum  all  means  of  reaching  the  poor, 
except  perhaps  an  importunate  flower-girl  at  a  carriage  window, 
is,  however,  far  less  frequent  than  it  used  to  be,  and  is  seldom 
found  in  the  uppermost  classes.  Even  where  it  is  thought 
unadvisable  for  their  daughters  to  have  anything  to  do  wilh 
the  London  poor,  the  country  life  of  the  summer  and  autumn 
brings  them  in  contact  with  the  cottager.*,  and  they  generally 
have  a  warm  interest  in  their  own  parish.  Those  who  have 
least  opportunity  are  the  daughters  of  wealthy,  and  sometimes 
of  professional,  persons,  whose  out-of-town  life  is  spent  either 
abroad  or  at  watering-places,  where  they  feci  no  local  interest 
nor  duty.  Their  parents,  not  having  been  accustomed  to  poor 
people,  distrust  and  dread  them,  and  prohibit  all  such  work  as 
the  London  clergv  could  put  into  their  daughters'  hands ;  and 
there  are  no  opportunities  in  their  v.'ay,  as  it  seems,  of  doing 
good. 

Many  girls,  full  of  the  fresh  impressions  of  their  Confirmation 
classes,  and  whose  books  teach  them  that  charity  is  a  duty,  are 
rendered  very  unhappy  by  being  thus  withheld,  and  are  puzzled 
as  to  where  the  duty  lies. 

It  seems  to  he  clear  that  almsgiving,  up  to  the  tithe  of  the 
means,  is  a  duty.  A  tithe  of  the  aUowance  is  God's  part. 
This  may  be  given  through  the  Offertory.    A  part  will  of  course 


86  WOMANKIND. 

SO  be  given  ;  and  If  lliere  be  no  opportunity  of  (direct  bestowal 
on  the  poor,  another  portion  can  be  spent  in  the  purchase  of 
materials  to  be  made  up  at  home  for  Missions — home  or  to  the 
heathen — Orphanage:^,  Creohes,  or  the  like.  Such  gifts  to  the 
struggling  Missions  in  large  towns  are  invaluable  to  the  over- 
worked toilers  in  parishes  consisting  wholly  of  the  poor,  with 
no  admixture  of  the  rich.  To  spend  a  daily  hour  in  making  up 
children's  clothes,  for  such  a  purpose,  would  be  a  most  whole- 
Borae  exercise  for  the  young  lady  who  longs  to  find  means  of 
usefulness ;  and  it  is  not  difficult  to  discover  opportunities  of 
bestowing  them  on  institutions  where  they  will  be  distributed 
properly. 

To  be  thus  isolated  from  direct  contact  with  the  poor  is  not, 
however,  the  usual  lot  of  young  ladies.  Those  who  have  homes, 
either  in  country  towns  or  the  country  itself,  usually  are  alloAved, 
and  for  the  most  part  encouraged,  to  be  useful  to  their  poorer 
neighbours,  so  long  as  they  do  not  obtrude  their  doings,  or 
upset  the  family  by  them.  Indeed,  it  often  happens  in  these 
days,  that  the  mother  who  in  her  youth  had  to  fight  a  battle  to 
be  allowed  to  minister  to  the  poor,  finds  that  her  daughters 
view  "pottering  about  the  cottages"  as  Mamma's  dull  notion  of 
occupation,  and  talk  the  modern  jargon  about  Sunday-schools 
being  an  infliction. 

It  is  quite  true  that  district-visiting  is  much  better  in  the 
hands  of  the  middle-aged  than  of  the  very  young.  The  regu- 
lation of  it  is  necessarily  in  the  hands  of  the  Incumbent ;  and 
he  would  never  by  preference  assign  a  district  to  a  young  girl 
alone,  though  where  it  is  the  choice  of  such  a  one  or  nothing, 
he  may  be  forced  to  do  so.  The  best  way  would  be  to  assign  a 
girl  as  a  helper  to  each  elder  visitor,  who  would  make  her 
helpful,  let  her  supply  gaps,  and  use  her  bright  youthfidness  to 
cheer  the  old,  while  letting  her  serve  an  apprenticeship,  and 
keeping  her  from  places  where  she  can  only  do  herself  and  the 
people  harm. 

Unluckily,  girls  do  not  like  apprenticeship.  The  younger 
and  more  inexperienced  they  are,  the  more  they  want  to  act  for 


CHARITY.  87 

therogplvcs  ;  and  clergymen's  daughters  are  apt  to  imagine  that 
their  fathers'  position  confers  an  authority  by  which  a  chit  of 
eighteen,  Avho  perhaps  has  not  been  three  months  in  the  parish, 
miiy  assume  dominion  over  a  lady,  who  foi  twice  her  life-timo 
has  been  doing  real  and  earnest  work  among  the  poor. 

It  shi)uld  ever  be  remembered,  that  charity  is  not  charity, 
unless  on  all  points  it  follows  St.  Paul's  pattern  in  1  Corinthians, 
xiii.  The  clergyman  must  of  course  hx  the  system  and  the 
rules,  but  his  daughter  ou;^'ht  to  be  specially  cautious  against  the 
temptations  to  domineering  and  self-importance  given  by  this 
reflected  dignity. 

In  country  parishes  where  there  are  several  families  of  gentry, 
the  system  of  allotment  of  districts  by  the  clergyman  is  re- 
quisite, to  prevent  some  families  from  being  overhelped,  and  to 
hinder  a  habit  of  begging,  which  is  one  of  the  most  ruinous  that 
the  poor  can  fall  into. 

Where  the  gentry  frequently  change,  and  there  is  no  regular 
system,  it  is  certain  that  there  will  be  some  lazy  and  plausible 
women  who  will  besiege  the  new  comers  with  tales  of  distress. 
It  may  nearly  be  taken  as  a  rule  that  those  who  so  come  are  the 
least  deserving,  and  that  the  only  way  not  to  do  harm  is  to 
promise  to  consult  the  clergyman,  and  to  give  no  aid  previously. 

Indeed,  it  is  a  fatality,  observed  by  old  inhabitants,  that 
new  settlers  are  sure  to  fall  in  with  the  forward  and  smooth- 
toiigued  paiishioners,  and  be  taken  in  by  them.  It  is  well  if 
the  disgust  that  ensues  does  not  extend  to  the  struggling  and 
independent  poor. 

Cottage  visiting  should  be  regulated  with  a  due  regard  to  the 
circumstances.  INIere  visits,  where  there  is  no  special  cause,  are 
not  always  desirable  from  lay  callers,  especially  the  very  young. 
A  call  with  a  purpose  is  one  thing,  a  mere  dropping-in  is 
another.  Where  there  is  that  sort  of  ill-health  that  requires 
dainties,  or  can  be  cheered  with  reading  aloud  ;  where  there  are 
collections  to  be  made  for  clubs  or  missionary  societies ;  where 
children's  absence  from  school  has  to  be  inquired  into,  or  their 
promotions  explained — all  these  are  good  reasons  for  a  visit : 


88  WOMANKIND. 

Init  one  mle  cannot  be  too  stron;^ly  impressed  :  cut  short  tte 
conver.-^ation,  and  f!,o  away,  the  moment  there  is  any  tendency  to 
talk  of  the  neighbours.  Very  few  peasant  women  have  any 
notion  of  governing  the  tongue,  or  of  accuracy  ;  and  if  they 
once  are  allowed  to  run  on  and  discuss  the  gossip  of  their 
fiatnlct,  there  is  no  saying  what  scandals  they  may  pour 
forth. 

Old  women  are  the  worst  ^'n  this  respect.  They  have  grown 
up  in  coaiser  and  more  uneducated  <lays,  and  have  seen  gene- 
ration after  generation  grow  up  and  fall  into  error;  and  they 
are  very  willing  on  the  smalk'sfc  encourjigement  to  regale  their 
visitors  with  scandal.  Of  course  there  are  many  Avho  liave 
natural  and  religious  refinement,  and  have  learnt  reserve  and 
prudence  by  experience  ;  but  these  will  never  trench  on  the 
dangerous  ground,  so  that  it  is  a  safe  rule  to  silence  all  such 
conversation. 

Daughters  of  oldestablish'd  squires  are  safer  from  these 
mistakes,  because  the  antecedents  of  everyone  in  the  parish  are 
hnown  in  the  family;  but  the  new  comers — clergymen's 
daughters  just  imported,  and  still  more  those  who  have  just 
arrived  at  some  rented  house,  and  are  new  to  a  country  life  — 
are  always  likely  to  take  the  old  woman  on  the  credit  of  her 
present  tidy  appearance,  and  never  suspect  that  she  has  been 
anything  but  satisfactory  in  eailier  life. 

Therefore,  girls  who  cannot  trust  themselves,  or  be  trusted, 
to  keep  a  conversation  above  chatter,  had  better  only  read  to 
the  old  women  they  are  not  quite  sure  of,  with  only  enough 
preliminary  and  concluding  civility  to  satis^fy  the  demands  of 
good  manners,  and  to  hurt  no  one's  feelings. 

School  is  a  place  where  more  good  can  be  safely  done  j  but 
this  must  have  a  chapter  to  itself,  and  need  not  be  more  than 
mentioned  here  ;  but  there  are  a  few  other  acts  of  charity  that 
are  very  beneficial,  and  in  the  power  of  those  who  may  not 
have  the  ability  to  teach  a  class.  One  is  to  read  with  a  servant 
preparing  for  Confirmation  or  for  Communion — a  thing  much 
needed,  for  even  when  a  girl  has  been  at  a  good  school,  there 


CHARITY.    -  81) 

have  often  'been  several  years  almost  a  "blank  as  to  religious 
instruction  or  impression  after  she  has  gone  out  to  service. 

Or  special  instruction  may  be  given  to  pupil-teachcrs,  who 
require  contact  Avith  really  superior  and  educated  minds,  to 
bring  them  up  to  present  requiiements  ;  and  to  whom  lessons 
on  any  one  or  two  subjects — such  as  music,  history,  or  those 
religious  points  given  out  by  the  diocesan  inspectors — are 
peculiarly  useful. 

Again,  there  are  children  taken  early  from  school,  or  unable 
to  attend  on  Sundays,  who  will  generally  be  most  thankfid  to 
become  private  pupils ;  and  this  is  really  the  work  that  perhaps 
tells  the  most  of  all  on  their  affections  and  character  ;  and  it 
can  be  carried  out  by  the  most  shy  and  difhdent  person  who  is 
really  in  earnest. 

Presiding  over  mothers'  meetings  had  betfer  not  be  attempted 
by  anybody  under  five-and-twenty,  except  as  an  extremely 
temporary  substitute  for  the  real  president. 

The  principle  of  the  thing  must  be  that  the  care  of  the  poor, 
either  by  our  means  or  by  our  personal  exertions,  or  both,  is  our 
bounden  duty.  The  mode  must  depend  on  circumst;inces  and 
our  personal  fitness  ;  but  always  the  work  must  be  under  the 
rule  of  the  Church  and  of  lawful  authority. 

Where  there  are  large  numbeis  of  woikers,  and  an  organized 
fyttem,  each  may  be  fitted  to  the  work  she  can  best  perform  ; 
but  where,  as  in  many  country  parishes,  the  workers  are  scanty, 
there  is  nothing  for  it  but  to  be  freely  ready  to  do  whatever 
conies  to  hand  to  do,  and  which  circumstances  show  it  to  be 
light  to  undertake,  without  ever  giving  way  to  the  considejation 
whether  one  likes  it  or  not. 

Of  course  there  are  born  nurses,  and  these  can  and  will  do 
work  for  the  poor  that  no  else  can  ;  but  the  more  ordinary 
works — visiting,  teaching,  reading,  night-school  or  day-school, 
boys  or  girls,  senior  class  or  junior  class,  attending  to  clubs  or 
libraries,  &c.  &c. — all  must  be  regulated  by  the  necessities  of 
the  case.  Only  mind,  nothing  must  be  left  undone  simply 
because  we  do  not  like  the  doing  of  it.     Obedience,  other  duties, 


90  WOMANKIND. 

absolute  incapacity,  are  real  reasons  to  the  contrary ;  not  dis- 
taste, and  ej^pecially  not  the  frequent  excuse — "  I  can't  do  it 
regularly,  so  I  ha  i  hotter  not  do  it  at  all ; "  "  I  shall  be  here  sucli 
a  short  time,  it  is  not  worth  Avhile."  Many  and  many  a  time 
this  casual  aid  has  chanced  upon — or  rather  been  providentially 
directed  to — some  persons  whose  soul  somehow  was  unattainable 
by  the  residents,  or  the  short  period  of  intercourse  with  some 
invalid  has  left  precious  memories  with  both  parties  for  ever. 
Do  what  you  can,  and  attend  your  best  to  what  is  thrown  in 
your  way,  for  Chiist's  sake ;  and  thus  best  may  you  hope  to  be 
doing  the  "good  works  He  hath  prepared  fur  us  to  walk  in." 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

SUNDAT-SCnOOL. 


Sunday-schools  were  the  fashion  of  one  generation,  then  the 
nnfashion.  They  were  in  the  first  place  often  veiy  inefficiently 
managed,  and  then  were  found  fault  with  unreasonably. 

A  penance  to  teachers  and  taught  1  This  stock  accusation  is 
a  sentimental  one,  hatched  by  outsiders.  It  is,  at  the  utmost, 
only  true  of  those  places  where  the  children's  seats  in  church 
are  utterly  deficient  in  comfort,  and  in  opportunities  for  devo- 
tion. Even  then  it  will  generally  be  found,  that  the  child  has 
no  dislike  to  the  Sunday-school,  and  is  uncomfortable  when 
deprived  of  it.  The  pleasure  of  Avearing  best  clothes,  of  seeing 
those  of  others,  and  of  the  change  of  occupation  and  interest, 
allure  it,  together  with  a  certain  sense  of  self-approval  in  doing 
the  right  thing  and  having  so  much  time  disposed  of.  To  many 
this  is  the  chief  motive ;  but  to  many  others,  the  Sunday-school 
is  the  brightness  of  a  dull  life. 

And  as  to  the  teachers,  no  one  who  has  the  real  faculty  of 
teaching  can  fail  to  enjoy  it.  Moreover,  where  it  is  properly 
done,  the  training  to  the  teacher's  own  mind  on  religious  suljjecta 


SUNDAY-.SCnOOL.  91 

18  invalnaT)l0,  and  the  contact  witli  various  ranks  above   ami 
below  very  useful. 

As  to  results :  when  people  complain  of  their  failure,  ami  of 
the  general  irreligion  of  the  masses,  they  forget  that  the  noisy, 
active,  and  worldly  years  of  life  are  not  the  whole  of  it,  and 
that  they  know  not  how  many  death-beds  are  soothed  by  the 
instructions  gained  in  those  childish  Sundays  ;  how  many  re- 
pentances may  be  owing  to  old  associations — nay,  how  many 
there  are  who  have  never  lost  the  hold  then  acquired,  but  who 
do  not  make  themselves  prominent.  All  those  who  work  among 
the  poor — soldiers,  sailors,  &c. — testify  to  the  far  greater  possi- 
bility of  dealing  with  those  who  have  had  some  Sunday-school 
training  than  those  who  have  learnt  nothing,  and  whose  ignorance 
is  unfathomable.  Another  charge  against  Sunday-schools  is,  that 
the  tone  of  persons  in  the  lower  class  does  not  improve  more 
rapidly.  This  is  for  want  of  reflecting  that  the  more  hopefid 
children  go  forth  into  the  world,  rise,  and  are  seldom  the  parents 
of  the  next  generation  of  National  school  children.  The  re  dly 
good  servants,  a  far  larger  class  than  popular  literature  allovvs, 
are  mostly  the  growth  of  country  schools.  National  and  Sunday. 
They  are  often  very  intelligent  in  religious  mat'ers,  faithful  and 
devout.  It  is  the  idle,  the  dull,  those  who  have  fallen  into  sin, 
that  remain  at  the  bottom  of  the  scale  :  and  the  same  process 
goes  on  with  their  children ;  the  superior  ones  go  away,  the 
inferior  remain. 

Of  course,  too,  there  is,  or  more  truly  thrre  has  been,  a  kind 
of  Sunday-school  that  did  an  intinitesimal  amount  of  good ; 
namely,  those  where  everybody  was  accepted  as  an  assistant 
whether  qualified  or  not — young  lady,  farmer's  or  tradesman's 
daughter,  steady  young  man,  anyone  who  would  volunteer — 
without  any  system,  or  any  examination  as  to  whit  their  know- 
ledge might  be,  and  all  were  left  to  teach  their  classes  by  the 
light  of  nature  !  N^ow  the  general  run  of  middle-cla?s  teachers 
have  no  idea  of  questioning ;  and  if  a  book  with  questions  be 
supplied,  they  complain  that  they  do  not  know  the  ans^wers  ;  or 
if  answers  be  given,  they  read  them  out  in  a  dull  voice,  and 


92  WOMANKIND. 

make  tlie  children  vcrT)ally  repeat  them.  So  that  of  course  the 
children  learnt  nothing  intelligently  until  they  came  under  the 
hands  of  the  very  few  conipiehending  teachers — by  which  time 
they  had  grown  too  stupid  to  take  much  in.  Moreover,  most 
of  the  teachers — if  they  had  any  idea  at  all — thought  their 
business  was  to  preach,  and  cultivate  among  their  pupils  the 
peculiar  Evangelical  form  of  pious  expression.  Just  as  in  those 
days  the  Eeligious  Tract  Society  thought  itself  bound  to  bring  in 
the  whole  doctrine  of  the  Atonement  in  every  penny  book  ;  so 
the  teacher  was  told  to  instd  the  whole  idea  into  eacli  child  in 
each  lesson;  and  of  course  this  led  to  much  more  of  preaching 
than  of  teaching,  while  there  was  nothing  definite — with  that 
one  exception — inculcated. 

All  these  things  have  within  the  last  half-century  or  m  )re 
hindered  Sunday-schools  from  having  anything  like  a  fair 
trial,  though  even  thus,  the  good  they  have  done  has  been 
immeasurable. 

And  now  that  secular  instruction  has  become  so  much  nior^) 
engrossing  and  compulsory,  and  the  time  for  religious  teaching 
in  the  week  is  so  much  restricted,  Sund  ly-school  work  is  a 
double  necessity,  and  has  been  taken  up  so  as  to  make  it  far 
easier  to  act  upon  a  system,  and  to  obtain  inttruction  as  to  the 
mode  of  teaching.  But  be  it  observed,  that  even  more  valuable 
than  Sunday  work  is  the  taking  a  class  during  the  hour  for 
religious  instruction  on  the  week-days.  If  it  be  left  entirely  to 
the  school  staff,  some  of  the  cLisses  must  receive  very  inferior 
teaching,  and  the  clergyman  can  of  course  teach  only  one  class 
at  a  time — while,  besides  the  desiiableness  for  the  children,  it  is 
a  great  thing  to  set  free  the  younger  pupil-teachers  to  study,  or  to 
share  the  lessons  of  the  first  class,  instead  of  going  over  those 
first  truths  which  in  their  young  mouths  can  hardly-- fail  of  being 
mechanical  and  monotonous. 

It  is  very  unfortnna'e  that  most  ppople's  breakfast  hour 
coincides  with  this  ci.ly  perind  perniittetl  for  r^ligious  teaching  ; 
but  where  there  is  no  one  else  to  undertake  it,  the  effort  of 
getting  up  earlier  so  as  to  breakfast  by  eight  or  half-past  eight, 


SUNDAY-SCHOOL.  93 

and  leliing  the  less  strong  have  theirs  in  their  own  room  or  later, 
really  ought  to  be  made,  for  the  good  of  the  poor ;  or  else  ihe 
member  of  the  family  who  can  and  will  attend  the  school 
regularly  shoidd  not  bj  tied  down  to  the  davN^dling  pleasure  of 
the  latest  comer. 

What  is  to  be  the  aim  in  Sunday -schools  1  Decidedly  not  to 
preach,  but  rather  to  prepare  the  way  for  preaching.  The 
children  are  in  hand  for  about  seven  or  even  ten  year.s  of  their 
lives.  In  that  time,  they  must  learn  "  wh  it  things  a  Christian 
ought  to  know  and  believe  to  his  soul's  health,"  have  a  full  code 
of  moral  rules,  be  prepared  to  wor.-hip  iutelligeutly,  and  have 
the  understanding  opened  sufficiently  to  read  dii\otional  books, 
and  enter  into  sermons,  thiough  life  ;  and  the  ideas  connected 
with  the  seasons  of  the  Chii;.tian  year  should  be  so  instilleil 
that  the  Church-going  of  future  times  shall  recall  the  associa- 
tions of  earlier  times. 

For  this  reason,  I  think  the  great  subject  of  every  Sunday, 
in  each  class,  should  be  its  own  peculiar  teachings.  The  week- 
day liour  of  religious  instruction  should  provide  ft^r  the  learn- 
ing of  the  Catechism,  and  for  the  reading  of  the  Scriptures 
in  nPTative  form;  also  for  the  understanding  of  the  arrange- 
ment ai\d  diction  of  the  Prayer-book  ;  but  the  Sunday-school 
should  apply  all  this  to  the  seasons  and  festivals  as  they 
pass  by. 

Eepetition  of  Scripture  is  one  great  point,  for  all  the  reasons  I 
urged  before.  It  is  by  far  the  most  valuable  stoie  to  carry 
away,  and  it  is  to  my  mind  the  best  criterion  on  which  to  give 
rewards.  Answering  questions  depends  on  readiness  ;  but  there 
are  few  cases  in  which  a  perfectly  lepea'ed  lessjn  does  not  prove 
ical  diligence. 

My  own  system  is  this  :  As  so  m  as  the  children  can  learn  at 
all,  they  bring  the  Collect,  (de  ru/ucur,)  and  if  they  please,  a 
couple  of  verses  of  Hymns  Ancient  and  Modern,  and  a  verse 
or  two  of  a  Psalm,  chosen  for  them  beforehand.  They  cannot 
understand  them,  of  course,  but  it  is  a  foundation  ;  they  cann(jt 
know   them  too  well,   and   they  prefer   them  to   anj- thing  of 


94  WOMANKIND. 

narrative  ■which  involvos  hard  names  ;  and  they  should  he  aslicd 
easy  questions  on  them. 

The  next  class  still  repoat  the  Collect,  which  prohahly  Iho 
lapse  of  a  year  has  made  a  novelty  to  them  ;  and  more  or  less 
of  the  Gospel,  according  to  its  length  or  dilhculty,  is  now  added 
to  it ;  they  may  also  learn  a  hymn  or  part  of  a  Psalm,  but  they 
ought  not  to  have  ticket-i  for  these  latter  if  they  have  neglected 
Collect  or  Gospel  for  them. 

The  third  must  say  the  whole  Collect  and  Gospel.  A  hymn 
and  a  parable,  or  part  of  the  Sermon  on  the  Mount  (specified) 
are  the  volunteer  extras,  and  the  enterprising  sometimes  under- 
take the  Epistle.  This  class  also  read  one  of  the  Lessons  for  the 
Day,  and  are  questioned  on  it. 

The  head  class  say  Collect,  Epistle,  Gospel,  hymn,  and  about 
ten  or  twelve  verses  of  Scripture  bearing  ou  or  chiming  in  with 
the  subject  of  the  day;  and  they  read  one  of  the  Lessons. 
Taking  all  the  ^lorning  Firet  Lessons  one  year,  all  the  After- 
noon another,  all  the  alternative  a  third,  they  have  gone  over 
them  between  ten  or  eleven  years  old  and  thirteen  or  fourteen  ; 
and  the  recurring  cycle  keeps  up  the  knowledge  of  the  whole 
range  over  which  the  Old  'J'estament  extends,  without  the  too 
frequent  recurrence  of  the  very  same  chapter.  So,  one  year 
they  are  examined  on  the  Collect,  another  ou  the  Epistle,  and 
the  thiid  on  the  Gospel.  The  repetition  year  by  year  becomes 
easy  to  the  children,  while  it  secures  the  remembrance  of  the 
subjects  of  their  repetition ;  and  I  take  care  to  secure  that  the 
more  important  Pt^alms  and  other  such  portions  of  Scripture  as 
are  peculiarly  valuable  stores  for  the  memory,  should  often  bo 
repeated — i  e.  the  fifty-fust  Psalm  on  the  First  Sunday  in  Lent, 
sometimes  also  on  the  Sixth  after  Trinity  ;  the  twenty- third 
either  on  the  Second  after  Easter  or  the  Third  after  Trinity  ;  the 
fortieth  on  Palm  Sunday  or  the  Fifth  after  Trinity ;  the  fifty- 
third  of  Isaiah  either  at  Passion-tide  or  on  the  Third  Sunday 
after  Epiphany.  In  the  same  way,  the  hymns  are  always 
adapted  to  the  Sundays, 

The  Catechism  is  repeated  st  ai^^ht  through  in  all  the  classes ; 


BUNDAT-SCnOOL.  95 

the  younger  ones  arc  questioned  viva  voce  on  it,  tlie  older  bring 
answers  to  twelve  CLueslions  on  it,  written  out  in  their  copy- 
books. 

After  this,  a  story  is  read  to  tlie  children :  and  I  cannot  siiy 
I  have  ever  seen  any  distaste  to  Sunday-school,  but  rather  a 
vehement  determination  to  come  thither,  even  when  tlicre  have 
been  obstacles  in  the  way.  I  confess  there  are  irregularities  in 
the  discipline.  The  first  class,  having  much  more  to  do,  begin 
half  an  hour  sooner  than  the  younger  ones,  and  thus  there  is 
no  "  opening."  Nor  are  rules  of  perfect  silence  so  rigidly 
enforced  as  in  the  week. 

The  attendants  at  the  two  schools  are  nearly  the  same ;  there 
is  a  small  margin  of  older  girls  wlio  have  left  the  weekly  school, 
and  there  are  little  ones  who  do  not  come  on  Sundays  ;  but  they 
are  so  much  the  same,  that  the  teachin,'  of  the  one  school  becomes 
an  element  in  the  other.  On  every  IMonday,  too,  there  is  a 
lesson  on  the  Prayer-book — an  absolue  necessity  in  school 
teaching,  either  Sunday  or  weekly,  and  the  greatest  of  all 
preservatives  from   di.-seiit. 

Where  there  are  many  real  helpers,  it  is  vc'l  to  have 
numerous  classes ;  but  it  is  much  better  to  have  eighteen  or 
twenty  in  one  class  with  an  able  and  spirited  teacher,  than 
three  classes  of  half  a  dozen  children  nnder  tAvo  droning  teachers 
and  one  child.  Young  or  dillident  helpers  may  bo  very  well 
employed  in  assisting  to  hear  the  lessons  by  heart,  and  may  sit 
by  and  listen  to  the  questioning,  and  thereby  learn  to  question 
themselves.  This  is  a  very  desirable  plan  with  unconfirmed 
young  ladies,  who  only  in  cases  of  absolute  lack  of  other  teachers 
sliould  be  placed  in  charge  of  a  class.  Nobody  ought  to  teach 
till  the  sentiment  of  justice  and  abstinence  from  favonritism 
is  developed.     This  is  even  more  important  than  knowledge. 

But  knowledge  is  very  important  too.  This  sounds  like  a 
truism,  and  yet  the  usual  assumption  has  been  that  nnybody 
knows  enough  to  teach  poor  children.  Now  putting  out  of 
sight  that  a  child  in  the  fourth,  fifth,  or  sixth  standard  is  an 
inlcUipcnt  being,  it  is  quite  a  n^istake  to  suppose  that  the  very 


96  WOMANKIND. 

ignorant  do  not  need  an  instructed  teacher.  Only  real  infor- 
mation on  a  subject  can  take  advanta;^e  of  the  dini  perceptions 
of  a  pui)il,  and  use  its  first  footstep  to  ]rad  it  into  the  intended 
track,  instead  of  turning  it  right  round  into  the  teaclier's  narrow 
line.  Illustration,  varied  manners  of  treating  a  subject,  seeing 
wliat  various  trains  of  thought  lead  to,  the  i)0\ver  of  explaining 
words,  the  absolute  avoidance  of  false  doctrine  and  heresy — all 
depend  on  tolerable  iiistruction.  Ea/. — a  sensible  teacher  can 
connect  the  words,  scribe.  Scripture,  inpciijition,  and  super- 
scription, and  thus  interest  the  children  and  leave  a  definite 
impression.  One  who  is  conversant  wilh  history  can  explain 
the  circumstances  in  which  St.  Paul  found  himself,  instead  of 
going  on  in  a  blind  way  from  chapter  to  chapter.  I  do  not  say 
that  an  experienced  teacher  needs  to  prepare  every  lesson 
beforeliand,  because  such  have  been  so  often  over  the  same 
ground  as  to  have  at  tlicir  fingers*  ends  all  that  needs  to  be 
taught,  and  a  reference  Dible  to  bring  the  illustrative  passages 
to  mind  is  all  that  they  need ;  but  young  poople  cannot  hope  to 
teach  usefully  unless  they  really  get  up  their  subject,  both 
literally,  doctrinally,  and  practically,  only  actually  using  what 
may  fit  the  needs  of  their  scholars,  but  having  all  in  their 
minds,  even  to  the  details  of  scenery  and  dress.  This  is  the 
way  to  fix  attention,  and  retain  elder  scholars,  who  cannot  be 
expected  to  remain  if  they  do  not  feel  themselves  learning 
something  they  did  not  know  before.  Considering  the  very 
great  benefit  of  thus  keeping  a  liold  over  elder  young  people,  I 
should  think  it  better  to  fly  a  little  over  the  heails  of  the 
younger  and  duller  portion  of  the  class  in  order  to  have  the 
elder  ones  interested. 

This  of  course  applies  to  places  v.-hcre  the  number  of 
workers  is  too  small  for  classification.  Where  it  is  possible, 
there  ought  to  be  separate  classes  for  the  confirmed,  both  boys 
and  girls,  held  anywhere  but  in  Ihe  i^chool ;  and  this  is  really 
one  of  the  most  beneficial  of  all  such  undertakings;  it  is  verv 
seldom  that  willing  scholars  cannot  be  obtained,  and  their 
age  is  a  far  mure   permaueutly  iuiprcsdible  one  than  that  of 


SUNDAY-bCnOOL.  97 

childKoofI,  besides  that  the  alternative  is  too  apt  to  be  one  of 
lawlessness  and  irreligion. 

"Where  there  are  factories,  or  small  home  industries,  such  as 
glove  or  lace  making,  young  women  will  preponderate  in  such 
cliisses ;  but  in  purely  agricultural  parishes  the  girlhood  above 
twelve  is  chiefly  out  at  service ;  and  there  is  instead,  a  number 
of  youths  and  bojs,  generally  far  from  being  ill-disposed,  though 
very  loutish  anil  awkward,  and  nearly  sure  to  re^^pond  to  any 
kind  and  sensible  cultivation.  Some  very  bad  ones  there 
always  are  ;  but  the  avenige  English  lad  is  very  glad  to  bo 
saved  from  these,  and  from  himself. 

Where  it  is  possible,  these  elder  classes  should  be  divided 
between  those  who  have  left  school  well  instructed,  and  can  go 
on  to  higher  things,  and  those  who  have  missed,  shirked,  or 
forgotten  everything,  and  must  begin  at  first  principles.  Loth 
sorts  are  sure  to  be  found,  as  outsiders  from  neglected  parishes 
drop  in  ;  but  it  is  penance  to  them  to  be  put  together.  However, 
the  hijlaence  of  such  teaching  is  quite  as  needful  to  the  youth 
or  maiden  who  can  pass  an  admirable  examination,  as  to  the 
poor  drudge  or  wild  waif  who  is  not  clear  who  Adam  was  ;  so 
if  possible  mike  separate  classes — read  advanced  books  with 
the  one  set,  and  teach  the  others  the  rudiments;  there  will  be 
a  most  valuable  intercourse  in  either  course,  often  laore  useful 
than  the  instruction. 

Confirmed  scholars  should  always  have  the  Holy  Communion 
kept  as  it  were  bufc^re  their  thoughts.  Some  special  hymn  oi 
reading  bearing  u[)on  it  should  be  selected  for  the  Sunday  when 
the  largernumber  is  likely  to  communicate  ;  and  the  unconfirmed 
*hould  be  led  to  the  thought.  It  is  a  great  mistake  to  treat  it  as 
a  subject  quite  out  of  the  range  of  young  children ;  indeed,  I 
verily  believe  that  the  deficiency  of  communicants  is  owing  to 
the  larger  mass  of  the  poor  having  been  taught  next  to  nothing 
about  its  necessity  when  they  were  at  school. 

It  is,  in  fact,  necessary  to  teach  the  poor  far  more  theology 
in  early  childhood  than  the  rich,  because  this  is  the  only  time 
they  aie  within  reach.     Just  as  a  young  gentleman's  education 

n 


98  TVOMAXKIKD. 

is  roally  beginning  in  a  public  school,  the  poor  boy's  is  entirely 
stopped,  except  for  the  opijoituniiies  of  night  or  Sunday-school ; 
and  it  is  much  the  same  with  the  girh  Service  is  but  a  lottery 
as  to  religious  opportunities,  and  very,  very  few  girls  or  parents 
•will  be  found  to  sacrifice  woildly  advantage  for  their  sake  ;  nay, 
the  best  endeavours  to  place  a  child  out  favourably  are  often 
frustrated  by  some  unguessed-at  peril — some  unprincipled  or  ill- 
temperod  fellow-servant,  or  some  folly  of  the  child's  own  or 
Ler  parents. 

And  after  all,  what  training  do  the  most  ordinary  good  families 
give,  such  as  are  caught  at  for  our  girls?  Family  prayers,  a 
Sunday  exposition,  Church-going  in  turn.  It  is  much  if  a  watch 
be  kept  whether  the  younger  servants  have  the  opportunity  of 
communicating — the  young  girl  of  fourteen  or  fifteen  is  un- 
usually favourably  placed  if  these  are  her  privileges. 

Must  we  not  then  strive  that  the  system  of  faith  and  duty 
should  be  as  complete  and  indelible  as  wo  can  make  it  before 
she  leaves  our  care?  She  may  fall  on  a  family  where  special 
instruction  is  given  to  young  servants,  or  on  a  parish  M'here 
there  are  commuuicants'  classes ;  but  alas !  these  arc  but 
exceptions. 

But  above  all,  let  our  Sunday-school  children  be  taught 
prayer.  If  they  truly  pray,  we  may  trust  them.  Their  inter- 
course with  Heaven  is  open ;  they  will  go  oa  from,  strength  to 
strength. 

Of  course  we  can  do  no  more  than  give  them  prayers,  and 
entreat  that  they  may  be  used.  We  cannot  follow  them  home 
and  see  whether  they  are ;  but  we  can  pray  for  them — we  can 
sow  the  seed. 

But  let  us  remember  that  the  Divine  Sower  Himself  only 
represented  one-fourth  part  of  the  seed  as  bearing  fruit,  and 
that  with  2)atience. 

Hosts  of  disappointments  we  shall  have.  Even  the  resporslvo 
few  we  shall  find  moie  often  due  to  good  homes  than  to  our 
school  teaching.  But  there  is  this  hope.  Many  of  the  good 
homes  which  now  send  forth  children  of  hiijh  promise,  aro  the 


REFINEMENT    AND    FINERY.  99 

homes  of  parents  who  were  great  disappointments  in  theii 
early  youth,  but  have  considered  their  ways,  and  sought  the 
old  paths. 

And  shall  we  think  any  pains  too  much  to  bestow,  when  -we 
remember  that  this  may  indeed  be  "sowing  the  seed  of  eternal 
life*" 

"In  the  morning  sow  thy  seed, 
And  in  the  evening  withhold  not  thine  hand  ; 
For  thou  knowest  not  whethnr  sliall  piosper,  either  this  or  tliat^ 
Or  whether  the^  both  shall  be  alike  good." — Eccks.  xL  6. 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

REFINEMENT    AND    FINERY. 


What  is  refinement  ?  Is  it  a  thing  to  be  cultivated  or  not  1 
The  last  generation  would  have  answered  the  question  with  far 
less  hesitation  than  the  present,  except  when  the  word  is  taken 
in  the  false  sense  of  luxuriousness. 

By  refinement,  then,  I  mean  the  Christian's  adoption  of  "  what- 
soever things  are  pure,  whatsoever  things  are  lovely,  whatsoever 
things  are  of  good  report;"  and  his  shrinking  from  all  that  is 
coarse,  gross,  sensual,  or  connected  with  any  form  of  vice  or 
meanness.  Finery  is  the  exaggeration  of  this  quality,  becoming 
Aveak,  helpess,  sentimental,  fastidious,  alfected,  censorious,  and 
ridiculous.  As  soon  as  self  comes  in,  refinement  becomes 
finery. 

Eefinement  is  just  as  much  a  Christian  grace  in  a  man  as  in 
a  woman ;  but  he  is  not  such  a  hateful  unsexed  creature  without 
it  as  a  woman  is.  No  one  can  truly  keep  that  Baptismal  vow 
to  renounce  the  sinful  lusts  of  the  flesh  without  becoming 
refined  ;  and  thus  we  see  that  genuine  refinement  belongs  to  no 
station.     It  is  simple  delicacy  both  towards  others  and  oneself, 

H  2 


100  TVOMAXKIND. 

though  the  estimate  of  uhat  such  delicacy  rcr[i:ircs  varies  "with 
breeding. 

The  connection  with  luxury  is  perhaps  this.  The  rougher 
and  ruder  the  life,  the  fewer  the  i)rotection3  from  want  of 
niceness.  A  pocket-haiidkerchief  is  a  retinement ;  but  perhaps 
a  parasol  is  only  a  couifort.  Again,  hard  toil  and  scanty  accom- 
modation, with  brief  time  or  space  for  attending  to  the  person, 
lead  to  an  obtuseness  to  the  requirements  of  decorum,  which 
cultivation  and  more  favourable  circumstances  again  renew ; 
and  thus  a  competence  is  almost  needful  for  the  fostering  of 
jierfect  refinoment,  though  it  can,  and  dues,  exist  in  very  arduous 
circumstances. 

It  is,  in  fact,  the  oittcome  of  purity  of  heart,  showing  itself 
in  all  our  words  and  deeds,  in  appropriate  actions  or  refrainings, 
and  becoming  a  law  to  itself  as  to  what  the  innate  spirit  of 
delicacy  can  accept  or  reject. 

Our  boilics  are  the  earthen  vessels  containing  the  treasurq 
of  our  soub,  and  of  yet  more — the  Holy  Spirit.  We  have  to 
respect  ihem  as  tuch,  "and  possess  our  vessel  in  sanctification 
and  honour."  This  is  the  underlying  principle;  and  refinement 
draws  the  line  between  this  reverence  to  our  sanctified  bodies, 
and  the  making  idols  of  the  fle^h.  Self-indulgence  and  coarse- 
ness are  alike  ruinous  to  it. 

To  give  an  instance  or  two.  An  unrefined  woman,  depvivcd 
of  servants,  Avill  live  in  a  horriVile  state  of  shjvenliness,  because 
she  will  not  exeit  herself ;  a  refined  woman  will  never  rest  till 
oil  around  is  clean  and  tidy.  An  unrefined  woman  is  only  just 
withheld  from  open  indecorum  by  Mrs.  Grundy,  and  indulges 
in  whispers,  and  private  discussions  of  transgressions  or  in- 
firmities, on  which  the  refined  one  is  perfectly  silent,  or  spcnks 
with  straightforward  modesty  when  forced  to  enter  on  the 
matter.  Eoth  may  be  equally  ready  to  help  in  trying  or  dis- 
gusting sicknesses,  and  it  does  not  always  prove  that  ihe  refined 
one  has  the  most  shrinking  to  overcome;  indeed,  as  she  is  sure 
to  be  the  least  splf-indulgcnt  and  best  disciplined,  it  is  more 
likely  that  her  nerves  will  be  less  in  rebellion,  and  her  mind 


refine:,:ext  and  finery.  101 

more  occupied  Avith  the  sufferer  than  with  herself ;  but  this  is 
too  much  a  matter  of  physical  temperament  to  be  decided  thus. 
However,  the  most  refined  woujan  J,  know,  js,  also  the  most 
perfect  nurse  and  assistant  in-aji  iiijp  litile^cciu'iats  of  hfe.  It 
was  ihe  tender  and  deli;ate -wgrnin, .v»;ko,, -^o-jld,  not  adventure 
to  set  her  foot  on  the  groif.i\,d  ^or,  ieodeirncss  au<i  delicacy,  whose 
heart  was  hardened  in  the  straitness  of  the  siege  towards  her 
own  children — because  her  delicacy  wa?  selfishness  ;  but  it  was 
the  king's  sister,  the  saintly  Elisabeth,  who  cuD  up  her  own 
dresses  for  her  lit'le  companion  in  captivity,  and  smiled  when 
she  was  obliged  to  bite  olf  her  thread  for  want  of  scissors,  when 
mending  her  brother's  cuat. 

There  is  a  grand  refinement  of  harlihood  and  exertion,  and 
this  is  that  to  which  the  modi-rn  world  is  most  averse.  That 
which  saves  it  trouble,  or  is  mere  ornament,  it  is  willing  enough 
to  call  refinement ;  but  it  has  no  sympathy  with  the  sensitive 
reticence  that  will  take  any  trouble  rather  than  endure  a  soil — 
that  will  abstain  from  a  book  or  a  newspaper  rather  than  learn 
details  of  impurity,  and  will  bear  fatigue  rather  than  lounge 
publicly  in  a  self-indulgent  Avay.  Oh  no  !  this  is  prudery, 
absurdity,  old-maidisni  !  Refinement,  in  most  people's  notions, 
is  just  what  makes  life  most  comfortable.  To  my  mind,  on 
the  contrary,  it  is  that  which  makes  it  most  noble,  most  spiritual, 
farthest  removed  from  the  animal.  There  was  far  more  refine- 
ment in  the  never  letting  the  hack  touch  the  hard  wooden  chair, 
than  in  lying  back  with  raised  knees  and  crossed  legs  on  a 
spring-cushioned  embroidered  seat,  in  a  room  full  of  gentlemen. 
Was  the  grandmother  or  the  grand-daughter  likely  to  be  the 
most  disciplined,  self-controlled  being  ?  Eefinement  was  much 
cultivated  in  the  earlier  years  of  the  century,  and  had  a  tendency 
to  degenerate  into  fiuery.  ^Miss  Lily  Black,  in  The  Inheritance^ 
is  a  grand  example;  but  there  was  much  to  be  said  for  it. 
Look  at  those  delicate  miniatures  of  gentle-faced  ladies,  with 
little  curls  over  their  pensive  brows ;  people  like  sweet  Fanny 
Price,  in  Man\field  Park,  whose  innate  modesty  was  guarded  on 
all  sides.     They__shrank  from  all  exposure ;  never  went  by  a 


102  WOMANKIND. 

f  public  conveyinco,  or  were  carefully  escorted  if  they  did  ;  nevei 
walked  unatten  led  in  London,  nor  with  an  unm  irried  com- 
paiiion  of  the-  qbher  sey.  any whce  else,  dropped  correspondence 
\/ith  male  cousirjs  as  soo;i  as.ehildhood  ended,  and  in  fact,  lived 
in  what  the  pr/jscn-t, generation  .would  view  as  an  intolerable 
bondage  t  J  propritlicsi       .        *    •.     • 

These  were  the  ordinary  bienseances  of  young-ladyhood,  and 
what  sort  of  woman  did  they  make?  Where  the  original  sub- 
stance was  good,  earnest,  and  energetic,  they  made  such  women 
as  we  have  learnt  to  know  in  Maria  Hare,  or  as  most  of  us  still 
remember,  as  living  models  of  gentleness,  purity,  and  delicacy 
of  thought,  word,  and  deed,  reigning  over  the  affections  of  all 
around  them  by  a  tender  grace  which  age  cannot  take  away. 
Their  manuscript  books  of  extracts,  chiefly  of  their  favourite 
poetry,  in  a  deliiate,  peaked,  Italian  hand,  their  long  crossed 
letters,  their  dainty  pencilled  drawings  full  of  endless  labour, 
represent  them  almost  perfectJy ;  but  they  were  very  steady  and 
industrious,  reading  solid  books,  often  abstaining  from  all 
ordinary  novels,  keeping  up  their  accomplishments  as  a  duty  in 
requital  of  the  money  spent  on  them,  and  fully  and  completely 
acting  up  to  the  mission  of  the  household  spirit,  brightening 
soothing,  influencing,  making  home  sweet  and  refreshing  t> 
weary  manhood. 

Th^i  disadvantage  lay  in  the  temptation  to  weaker  natures  to 
become  helpless  and  sentimental,  if  not  affected.  Charity  was 
certainly  cripfJed  by  the  resolution  to  see  nothing  that  ought 
not  to  be  seen;  and  the  persuasion  that  it  would  be  absolutely 
wrong  to  go  where  vice  or  rudeness  would  be  encountered — a 
sort  of  offence  against  one's  own  modest  dignity,  and  against 
the  guardianship  of  father  or  husband.  Mxich.  in  the  Avay  of 
kindness,  and  something  in  the  way  of  teaching,  was  done  ;  but 
great  effort?!,  such  as  those  of  Miss  Nightingale  or  Miss  Eye, 
never  could  have  been  thought  of ;  and  for  a  lady  to  penetrate 
the  back  slums  of  London,  or  even  to  keep  a  night-school  for 
lads,  or  to  train  the  Church  choir,  would  have  been  thought 
',  uufeminine. 


REFINEMENT   AND    FINERY.  103 

The  doors  have  been  opened.  Girls  have  a  much  freer,  bolder 
[•fe,  far  less  hampered  by  scruples.  Waltziug  has  become  so 
universal,  after  long  protest  atid  resistance,  that  most  of  my 
younger  readers  will  stare  at  the  bare  notion  of  any  objection 
thereto  ;  hunting  has  ceased  to  be  confined  to  "  the  Lady  Di 
Spankers  "  of  society ;  real  ice  skating  is  as  unimpeacliable  a 
I'eminine  pastime  as  walking  ;  travelling  alone  is  hardly  doubted 
about;  and  except  in  very  early  girlhood,  there  is  really  no  place 
into  which  charity  is  not  a  passport  for  a  lady.  !Nor  do  I  say 
for  a  moment,  that  such  things  are  censurable.  There  are  many 
in  which  custom  is  really  the  rule  ;  but  the  point  to  be  considered 
is,  where  it  may  safely  be  trusted. 

In  the  first  place,  all  sports  which  the  custom  of  the  time 
"Appropriates  to  men,  are  to  be  avoided  by  women.  Riding  to 
the  meot,  and  skating,  can  now  be  done  by  the  quietest  girls ; 
and  other  like  amusements,  where  numbers  protect  one  another, 
and  no  remark  is  excited,  are  harmless,  because  there  is  no 
usurpation  of  manhood.  For  my  own  part,  I  confess  to  a  great 
dislike  to  any  woman  taldng  part  in  sports  connected  with  the 
destruction  of  animal  life.  Tulerathm  of  riding  to  the  meet 
sounds  like  an  inconsistency  here  ;  but  it  so  seldom  brings  a 
quiet  woman  into  close  quarters  with  the  actual  destruction  of 
the  fox,  that  it  is  little  more  than  an  object  for  a  ride  ;  but  the 
walking  out  with  shooting  gentlemen,  using  a  gun,  or  fishing, 
must  involve  so  much  actual  sight  of  pain,  terror,  and  death, 
that  I  cannot  imagine  how  any  gentle-hearted  woman  can  endure 
it.  I  do  not  think  any  amount  of  custom  can  reconcile  shooting 
game  with  true  womanhood  ;  though  as  to  shooting  at  a  targe*^, 
there  is  no  more  harm  in  doing  so  with  a  pistol  than  in  doing 
so  will  a  bow  and  arrow ;  and  there  may  be  moments  when  the 
knowledge  how  to  use  a  weapon  may  be  needful  in  self-defence. 
Lut  as  to  the  fashion  of  Avomen  looking  on  at  pigeon-shooting 
matches,  it  is  absolutely  hateful.  It  is  a  base  cowardly  sport 
for  men  themselves,  devoid  of  all  the  exeicise  and  spirit  of  the 
chase,  which  partridge-shooting  has,  and  pheasant-shooting  used 
to  have  before  battues  set  in ;  and  ladies  ought  to  use  all  their 


lOi  WOMANKIND. 

influence  acr^inst  it,  rallier  than  enconngo  it  by  lonkinrr  coolly 
on  at  the  fhilteiing  agonies  of  dying  birds.  It  is  tlie  tii'at  stage 
towards  a  bull-figlit. 

I  know  I  shall  much  ofTend  many  of  my  readers  by  saying 
that  I  think  men  have  done  much  to  lower  the  tone  of  refine- 
ment in  women  by  making  thetn  submit  to  smoking.  Forty  or 
fifty  years  ago  the  gentlemen  I  knew  best  (officers  in  the  army, 
some  of  them)  would  have  no  more  thought  of  accustoming  their 
■wives,  daughters,  or  sisters  to  the  smell  of  smoke  than  they  would 
to  the  atmosphere  of  a  public-house.  They  would  have  thought 
that  something  of  the  woman's  grace  was  lost  by  treating  her 
with  the  disregard  thus  implied,  and  that  they  failed  in  respect 
to  her  sex.  Most  gentlemen  were  of  this  mind  ;  they  seldom 
smoked  themselve'^,  and  when  their  sons  took  up  the  practice, 
forbade  it  in  the  house,  and  were  much  displeased  if  they  .'■aw 
it  dune  before  their  daughters.  Girls,  however,  are  apt  to  take 
the  side  of  their  brothers  when  ihey  think  them  deprived  of  a 
harmless  pleasure.  Fun  did  something,  and  so  did  the  pleasure 
and  honour  of  being  with  a  brother;  and  the  young  men  thcra- 
felves  viewed  the  parental  dislik-e  as  old-fogeyism,  the  feminine 
distaste  as  simple  lidget  and  selfi-*hness.  I  have  even  seen  it 
argued  that  smoking  is  no  more  selfish  than  tea-drinkiui;-— as  if 
tea  poisoned  the  sweet  air  all  around  it,  or  left;  fumes  iu  rooms 
and  clothes  ! 

I  do  not  Fay  the  sis'crs  wore  always  wrong.  It  is  better  to 
put  S(  If  aside  than  to  drive  away,  and  lose,  a  bruther's  contidence ; 
but  I  do  say  that  the  whole  tone  between  man  and  woman  is 
lower  than  it  Mas  in  those  days,  and  that  the  habitual  self- 
indulgence  in  a  free-and-easy  custom,  hardly  respectful,  cannot 
but  have  assisted  in  this. 

The  custom  has  become  such  that  it  involves  no  discourtesy 
nor  disrespect,  and  very  few  of  our  younger  ladies  would  object 
to  it  in  the  open  air,  or  where  furniture  would  not  be  infected. 
Indeed  we  are  told  that  no  lady  who  does  not  tolerate  it  can 
expect  to  keep  her  husband  or  sons  at  home.  If  that  be  indeed 
the  case,  she  must  give  way  rather  than  leave  them  to  temptati  >n  j 


REFINEMENT   AirD   FINERY.  105 

but  r  grieve  for  the  loss  of  the  chivalrous  tone  which  upheld 
wouian's  seif-itspect  by  not  tacitly  exacting  from  her  the  endu- 
rance of  a  free  and  easy  habit  belonging  to  times  of  unrestraint. 
Of  the  necessity  in  damp,  unhealthy  places,  and  periods  of  expo- 
sure, and  the  soothing  at  times  of  fatigue  and  nervous  excitement, 
of  course  every  reasonable  person  is  convinced;  but  apart  from 
this,  it  seems  to  me  that  a  woman  should  use  her  influence  as 
far  as  she  can  against  such  a  useless,  and  wasteful  custom,  and 
try  to  prevent  it  becoming  almost  a  necessary  of  life. 

And  as  to  the  custom  creeping  in  of  girls  enjoying  cigarettes 
— a  thing  begun  in  fastness  and  fun,  and  excused  by  the  customs 
of  foreigners — it  is  one  of  the  readiest  ways  of  uns^-xing  them- 
selves, and  losing  all  the  reverence  due  to  womanhood,  which 
reverence  is  a  greater  benefit  to  man  than  even  to  woman. 

After  this  I  need  haidly  say  what  I  think  of  the  practice  of 
going  and  sitting  with  men  in  their  smoking-room,  their  avowed 
place  of  liberty  and  unre.-traint.  We  may  say  we  are  at  home 
Avitli  them  anil  can  trust  them.  I  hope  we  can,  but  to  follow 
them  into  their  own  peculiar  haunts  is  not  lit  for  any  woman 
or  girl,  and  if  she  does  it  in  thoughtlessness  at  firsf,  she  will 
either  have  to  draw  back,  or  will  have  the  true  charm  and  grace 
of  her  sex  spoilt.  It  is  not  a  boon  companion  tliat  a  right- 
miiuled  man  wants,  it  is  something  to  call  out  his  higher  feelings 
of  respect  and  honour. 

Going  about  alone  in  London,  walking  and  corresponding 
witli  young  men,  &c. — all  the  many  daring  things  that  young 
ladies  attempt  out  of  what  they  want  to  consider  innocence,  but 
which  is  really  a  spirit  of  defiance  and  desire  of  liberty,  excite- 
ment, and  even  ncitoriety — all  these  tilings  are,  when  not 
exactly  jierilous,  destructive  to  the  gentleness  and  modesty, 
which — tell  us  what  modernism  will — are  the  chief  grace  of 
womanhood.  "The  ornament  of  a  meek  and  quiet  spiiit  is  in 
the  sight  of  God  of  great  price  ; "  and  woe  be  to  the  nation  if 
we  women  throw  it  away,  on  the  plea  that  we  can  guard  our- 
selves. 

Guard  ourselves  1     Take  care  of  ourselves  !     The  very  idea 


106  WOMANKIND. 

implies  danger.  Where  there  has  been  need  of  defcnc^,  Ihere 
comes  a  hardening ;  and  that  delicate  bloom  of  p^-rfect  modesty 
must  needs  be  rubbed  off.  And  it  is  a  far  greater  and  truer 
grace  than  any  achievement  which  is  at  best  only  a  feeble 
imitation  of  man. 

f  This  is  not  saying  that  the  woman  should  be  prudish,  or 
helpless,  or  inactive  ;  though  on  the  whole,  Mrs.  Baibauld's 
mother  was  right,  and  prudishness  is  the  better  extreme  in  a 
girl  than  fastness, 

Eeal  refinement  has  the  full  play  of  all  its  facnltifs  ;  and  its 
very  modesty  hinders  it  from  dependence  and  feebleness.  It  is 
80  instinctive,  that  to  lay  down  rules  for  it  is  almost  injurious  to 
it.  All  that  can  be  said  i.^,  that  it  is  the  delicate  aroma  of 
Christianity.  It  shrinks  from  no  la«k,  however  painful  or 
disagreeable,  that  ought  to  be  done  ;  but  simply  goes  through 
with  it.  It  ma'<esno  parade  of  sensitiveness  or  of  decorum,  but 
it  silently  stands  aside  from  whatever  jars  on  its  sense  of  the 
fitting.  It  loves  the  shelter  of  home,  the  protection  of  parent, 
brother,  or  husband ;  yet  it  will  pa^s  over  ordinary  bounds 
when  the  call  comes,  not  of  pleasure,  but  duty.  All  that  is 
tainted  Avith  evil,  and  bears  the  trail  of  the  Serpent,  is  hateful 
to  it.  ;No  undesirable  newspaper  report,  no  novel  founded  on 
crime  and  full  of  questionable  situations,  are  studied  by  it.  It 
does  not  "  take  pleasure  "  in  the  story  of  the  evils  it  is  restrained 
fiom  committing.  Nay,  its  very  words  are  pure  from  all  those 
islang  terras  of  doubtful  origin,  the  charm  of  which  is  a  certain 
/audacity  and  naughtiness  in  using  them,  and  the  cheap  wit  of 
misapplying  them. 
^  Yery  poor  fun  indeed  it  is,  to  borrow  from  a  schoolboy  what 
he  has  borrowed  from  the  fashionable  repertoire  of  his  school, 
some  expression,  ludicrously  inappropriate,  and  to  apply  it  usque 
ad  natiseam,  with  the  more  zest,  becaupe  it  is  known  to  vex  the 
ears  of  elder  people.  And  where  did  these  terms  come  from  ^ 
Schoolboys  are  generally  their  most  respectable  origin.  Many 
are  borrowed  from  the  lowest  of  the  low,  and  are  connected 
with  the  cant  terms  of  vice.     Alas  for   the  pure  grace  of  a 


KEFINEMENT   AND    FINERT.  107 

lady's   tongue,  when  her   speech  and   ideas   are   moulded   l.y 
slang ! 

The  saying  about  calling  a  spade  a  spade  has  also  done  harm. 
It  was  a  reaction  from  the  evil  of  veiling  a  coarse  idea  under  an 
elegant  periphiacis,  and  it  goes  on  the  principle  that  to  change 
the  name  does  not  improve  the  idea.  That  is  true,  but  the 
leluctance  to  mention  at  all  what  is  not  fit  for  polite  ears  is 
being  fast  lost.  The  rude  outspidcenness  is  becoming  obtruded, 
and  the  ideas  follow  the  words  till  we  are  in  serious  peril  of 
forgetting  the  knowledge  of  evil  is  not  wisdom,  and  that  St. 
Paul  tells  us  that  "  such  things  ought  not  to  be  named  among 
Christians." 

In  those  days  when  finery,  i.e.  over-refinement,  was  the  danger, 
there  used  to  be  crusades  against  the  use  of  the  term  vvlgar, 
when  it  was  misapplied  to  what  was  merely  homely  and  simple. 
Now  vulgarity,  in  its  true  sense  of  the  basely  common,  is  one 
great  danger  of  our  whole  society.  Bluntness  to  real  delicacy 
of  thought,  action,  and  word,  is  cultivated,  under  a  sup])osed 
notion  of  liberty  ;  and  our  women  and  girls  are  doing  their 
utmost  to  throw  away  all  the  restraints  that  authority,  here- 
ditary delicacy,  and  conventionality,  still  impose  on  them  ;  and 
therewith  all  true  respect.  For  a  man  will  never  respect  an 
inferior  copy  of  himself,  in  boldness,  skill,  and  loudneps.  lie 
may  laugh  with  her,  and  call  her  capital  fun,  but  he  cannot 
honour  her,  nor  feel  tender  fostering  affection  for  her,  nor  Avill 
she  ever  assist  him  by  purifying  and  refining  society.  She  will 
be  no  restraint  on  his  bad  habits,  no  curb  on  the  coarseness  of 
his  nature.  All  she  will  be,  is  an  unsexed  creature,  lowering 
the  whole  standard  of  womanhood,  and  therewith  of  human 
nature.  AVhere  woman  is  not  refined,  man  wiU  not  be  chival- 
rous. — - 

Oh !  then,  that  our  ladies  would  beware  of  throwing  away  / 
the  jewel  that  wiU  never  recover  its  lustre  if  they  let  it  once  bc, 
Simmed ! 


1 08  WCUAKKINO. 

ten  AFTER  XY. 

DRES3. 

Take  it  for  all  in  all,  I  suppose  dress  is  tlie  greatest  temp- 
tation to  the  greatest  number  of  women  in  exisleufe. 

The  subject  is  the  more  difficult,  because  the  taste  is  to  a 
certain  degree  instinctive,  and  there  is  no  reason  to  think  that 
it  ought  to  be  totally  repressed.  Abstinei-ce  from  all  adorn- 
ment is  a  part  of  asceticism — a  token  of  repentance  and 
mortification.  Those  who  seek  the  counsels  of  perfection 
become  rigidly  heedless  of  personal  attire,  alike  from  conviction 
of  its  worthlessness,  from  contemjtt  for  tlie  flesh,  and  from 
the  desire  to  waste  nothing  on  it  that  can  be  devoted  to 
be  ter  purposes. 

But  there  will  always  be  two  schools  of  thought  in  the 
Church.  Just  as  in  worship,  one  seeks  the  sjjiritual  and 
severely  simple,  and  another  looks  "  for  glory  and  for  beauty  ; " 
so  one  school  views,  like  St.  Francis,  the  body  as  I'dnesse,  to  be 
forced  down,  starved,  and  slighted  as  an  enemy  ;  another  looks 
on  it  as  the  Temple  of  the  Holy  Gho.-t,  to  be  honoured  as  such, 
and  as  belonging  to  Christ,  and  therefore  to  be  decked  wiih 
whatsoever  things  are  pure,  whatsoever  things  are  lovely,  what- 
soever things  are  of  good  report.  And  wisdom  is  justified  in  all 
her  children,  provided  they  be  truly  the  children  of  wisdom, 
whether  with  Dr.  Watts  they  say — 

"The  art  of  dress  divl  ne'er  begin. 
Till  Eve,  our  motlier,  lemut  to  siuj" 

or  with  Mr.  Keble — 

*'  The  very  weeds  we  daily  wear, 
Are  to  faith's  eye  a  pledge  of  God's  forgiving  miglit.'* 

The  garments  given  by  God  were  skins  of  animals,  no  doubt 
sacrificed,  and  thus  an  emblem  of  the  robe  of  righteousness 
given  to  the  members  of  Christ.     Siu-ely  thus  to  ennoble  our 


DRES3.  100 

viovAs  of  OUT  raiment,  nnd  making  them  to  tlie  glory  of  God,  is 
a  Lelter  safeguard  a;4aiust  their  temptations  than  it  can  he  to 
denounce  thcui  as  badges  of  guilt,  and  deliver  them  over  to  the 
category  of  evil !  There  is  all  the  difference  between  the 
wedding  garment  and  the  convict  dress. 

That  the  women  of  the  Old  Testament  were  dressed  with 
Oriental  richness  there  is  no  doubt,  nor  are  tlipy  censured  for  so 
arraying  themselves.  The  viituous  woman  clothed  her  house- 
hold in  scarlet ;  and  the  denunciations  in  the  third  chapter  of 
Isaiah  are  rather  directed  against  the  priestesses  of  Ashtaroth 
than  against  the  ladies  of  Judah.  It  is  the  Apostolical  rule  of 
St.  Peter  that  seems  to  go  the  most  strongly  against  ornament  in 
dress  :  "  "Whose  adorning  let  it  not  be  that  outward  adorning 
of  plaiting  the  hair,  and  of  wearing  of  gold,  or  of  putting  on  of 
apparel ;  but  let  it  be  the  hidden  man  of  the  heart,  in  that 
which  is  not  corruptible,  even  the  ornament  of  a  meek  and 
quiet  spirit,  which  is  in  the  sight  of  God  of  great  price," 

It  has  been  held  from  all  time,  that  St.  Peter  does  not  mean 
to  forbid  the  plaiting  of  hair  or  wearing  of  gold ;  but  merely 
to  show  that  the  woman's  adornment  is  not  to  lie  in  the^o 
things,  so  much  as  in  her  meek  and  quiet  spirit,  which  will  of 
course  show  itself  in  her  whole  person. 

Person,  as  is  well  known,  means  a  mask — our  human 
frame  being  the  guise  in  which  we  act  our  part  in  the  scene  of 
this  world  ;  and  the  individuality  of  our  souls  is  so  strong,  that 
not  only  have  they  the  power  to  mould  the  features,  gestures, 
and  expression  of  this  permanent  mask  of  theirs,  but  likewise 
to  give  each  one's  apparel  a  character  of  its  own  ;  so  that  a 
familiar  eye  can  discern  indiviiluals  with  full  security,  even 
when  uniformly  clad  ;  and  we  all  of  us  knovv^  people  to  whom 
varieties  of  dress  make  no  difference — some  who  look  dowdy, 
tumbled,  and  washed-out,  in  the  newest  and  gayest  clothes ;  and 
others  who  infuse  into  the  shabbiest  and  oldest  an  air  and  a 
grace  of  their  own. 

"What  then  are  the  great  requisites  and  duties  of  dross?  Let 
us   try    to   define  them.      Modesty,  refinement,   suitability  tc 


110  WOMANKI.VD. 

circumstances  an<\  monns ;  a.id  inciJentally,  truth,  charity,  self- 
denial,  and  honesty. 

Modesty,  then,  to  begin  with — since  it  was  the  first  and 
original  object  of  dress.  The  standard,  like  everything  else 
connected  with  this  suVyect,  is  a  variable  one,  as  is  shown  by 
the  contrasted  feelings  of  the  Eastern  and  Western  women  as  to 
uncovering  the  face  or  the  feet  j  and  there  are  sometimes  fashions 
which  become  indecorous  merely  from  persons  who  have  brought 
them  into  ill  repute,  like  the  yellow  ruff  in  which  the  poisoning 
Mrs.  Turner  was  hanged. 

Two  temptaticms  be^et  the  sense  of  modesty — namely,  sloven- 
liness and  fashion.  The  first  is  more  the  trial  of  those  who 
have  either  weak  health  or  indolent  natures,  and  yet  are  forced 
to  work  hard.  It  is  an  act  of  cliarity  to  excite  the  self-respect 
of  such  as  these,  by  treating  them  with  courtesy  such  as  may 
prevent  the  hopeless  dejection  of  self-neglect. 

Fashion  is  a  much  more  subtle  temptation,  because  the  eye 
and  taste  get  gradually  demoralized.     Some  periods  are  worse 
than  others  in  this  respect ;  but  there  will  always  be  tendencies 
to  be  guarded  against — either  those  that  are  actually  to  indecency, 
or  merely  to  indecorum  ;  e.g.  the  quietest  bonnet  of  the  fashion 
of  1875  would  have  been  most  indecorous  in  1830,  and  could 
have  been  worn   by   no  re-pectabJe   person,  though  noAv  the 
"  cottage    bonnet "    would    be    an   enormity.     But   when    in 
the   beginning  of    the  century,  ladies,  trying   to  be  classical, 
wore  hardly  two  petticoats,  and  backed  out  of  the  room  for 
fear  their  fathers  and  aunts  should  be  horrified  by  the  statue- 
like outline  of  their  torsos,  fashion  went  a  good  way  beyond 
ri,he   simply  indecorous.     And  the  same  may  be  said  of   the 
height  of  the  corsage,  and  probably  always  will  be ;  for  some 
women  will  unfortunately  always  be  found,  who  are  sufficiently 
lost  to  modesty  as  to  be  willing  to  attract  by  the  dispLiying  of 
themselves ;    and   there   are   others  who  thoughtlessly  imitate 
them,  because  they  will  not  be  outdone  ;    and  thus  a  public 
fashion  is  formed,  which  absorbs  the  thoughtless,  and  makea 
others  afraid  of  the  suspicion  of  prudery. 


DRESS.  Hi 

Once  for  nil,  expos^ro  is  always  ■wrong ;  whaievcr  be  the 
fashion,  it  is  a  Christian  Avoman's  duty  to  peiceive  Avhon 
indecency  comes  in,  and  to  protest  against  it  by  her  own 
example  and  influence,  thou.c^h  not  by  censoriousness. 

Relative  indecorum  should  also  be  guarded  against.  The 
first  entrance  of  a  fashion  that  tends  to  a  bold  appearance, 
ought  to  be  resisted.  Mannish  dresses  are  undesirable,  on  this 
account ;  and  it  is  well  to  cultivate  the  shading  of  the  face 
as  much  as  possible — not  wearing  such  hats  as  are  barely 
endurable  because  others  have  them.  Exposure  of  the  face 
is  one  of  the  great  tendencies  of  the  time ;  and  though  it  is 
not  exactly  indelicate  in  itself,  yet  the  bold  confronting  of 
notice  that  is  involved  in  going  out  with  a  tota'ly  unprotected 
countenance,  thrown  into  I'mnjinence  by  the  head-dress,  cannot 
be  modest  in  itself;  nor  does  a  veil  coming  close  over  the  nose 
materially  alter  the  matter.  Many  perfectly  retiring  quiet  girls 
adopt  it  simply  from  custom,  and  their  refined  faces  cannot  be 
entirely  spoilt  by  it  j  but  when  the  same  hat  is  perched  on  a 
coarse  face,  the  evil  of  the  example  is  apparent.  It  is  one 
of  the  incidental  ways  inAvhich  charity  can  be  borne  in  mind- 
never  to  promote  a  fashion  which  is  bad  for  the  lower  classes. 
And  hoAvever  prevalent  a  mischievous  fashion  may  be,  if  good 
Avomen  Avill  only  stand  by  one  another,  they  can  ahvay^  nrevent 
non-coniplirnce  from  being  painfully  singular.  Criuo..ue  was 
only  absurd,  not  indecorous,  therefore  it  was  not  worth  while 
to  gc  against  the  stream ;  but  the  low  corsage,  and  tight  skirt, 
and  some  kinds  of  head-gear,  should  be  avoided  at  any  cost  of 
singularity. 

Colours  likewise  are  involved  in  the  matter  of  modesty. 
What  is  obtrusive  is  never  fit  to  put  rn,  for  it  brings  eyes  upon 
the  wearer.  There  is  no  need  to  give  instances.  Most  of  us 
understand  that  there  is  a  difference  between  brightness  and 
gaudine?s ;  and  if,  unfortunately,  we  are  born  Avithout  the  eye 
j;o  see  Avhat  is  appropriate,  observation  from  others  will  generally 
teich  it.  To  be  conspicuous  is  the  special  thing  to  be  avoided. 
Glaring   contrasts,    ha^ty   adoption   of   fresh  modes— all    that 


112  WOMANKIND. 

challenges  observation — nro  inconsistent  with  the  sohomesa 
and  "  sh  inicl'astueoS  "  which  f  jrin  part  of  the  Cliristian  woman's 
adorning. 

Eefiiieraent  come?  next — nay,  is  a  pirt  of  modesty;  since 
in  it  is  incUided  all  tlie  purity  wliich  is  cdlcd  for  by  the  sense  of 
the  dignity  of  our  bodies — all  th(3  relincment  which  cleanses  that 
which  is  within  as  well  as  that  which  is  without,  and  would 
rather  go  through  much  additional  fatigue  than  submit  to  any 
disordcrliness.  Ilair  as  neat  when  we  are  alone  as  in  comjiany — 
scrupulously  brushed,  not  surface  smoothed — is  one  token  of 
such  a  spirit;  and  to  our  mind,  certaiu  fashions  which  seem  to 
revel  in  untidy  arrangement  or nonairang-'ment thereof,  scarcely 
are  consistent  with  tho  dainty  nicene^s  of  true  womanhood. 
The  associations  of  the  loose  unkempt  locks  of  vSir  Peter  Lely's 
portraits  are  not  those  of  pure  aud  dignified  maidens  or  matrons. 
Hair  is  the  woman's  glory ;  but  it  is  often  her  torment  in  the 
earlier  years  of  her  youth,  when  she  lias  to  contend  with 
unmanageable  tresses,  and  her  toilette  is  a  struggle  with  them, 
especially  whoa  there  is  any  weakness  of  health,  or  extra  chill 
of  wealh  r.  But  it  is  well  if  she  bravely  meet  this  minor 
misery,  and  reduce  the  hair  to  well- irdered  obedience — iiot 
wasting  time  in  needless  elab  iration,  but  obtaining  the  fresh 
sensation  of  a  head  thoroughly  briislujd,  and  securely  and 
neatly  ai ranged.  Tumble-down  hair,  falling  dishevelled  on  tlic 
shoulders,  sounds  grand  in  fiction,  but  it  is  disgusting  in  real 
life  ;  and  when  once  the  melancholy  moment  of  "  turning  up 
the  hair"  has  come,  no  giil  whose  life  is  to  be  spent  without 
a  maid  should  be  content  till  she  has  learnt  to  make  her  edifice 
iirm,  and  as  graceful  as  nature  will  permit.  But  refinement — 
'as  well  as  truth — will  forbid  her  eking  out  her  own  tresses 
with  other  people's,  or  changing  the  colour.  This  is  finery — 
that  very  different  thing  ;  though  it  is  one  of  the  great  difficulties 
I  to  draw  the  line  between  the  two,  especially  when  dealing  with 
(classes  below  us;  and  nothing  is  more  undesirable  than  to 
check  a?;i)irations  for  refinement  by  treating  them  as  mere 
ambition  and  vanity;  e.g.  gloves,  white  pocket  handkerchiefs, 


DKESS.  113 

muCuJ,  pansols — my,  even  the  amhrclla  when  first  intro- 
duced— have  in  their  turn  been  viewed  by  Ladies  Bountiful 
as  mischievous  innovations  ;  yet  they  have  no  small  effect  in 
refming  the  village  girl.  They  become  finery,  and  not  refine- 
ment, if  the  needful  under-garment  be  sacrificed  to  them,  or 
worn  dirty  and  ragged,  or  not  at  all ;  but,  though  we  may  laugh 
at  the  idea,  it  is  only  exceptionally  that  a  woman  can  be  per- 
fectly refined  over  hopeless  plainness  of  appirel,  where  she 
is  allowed  no  exercise  of  taste.  Even  Quakerism  reacted  in 
exquisite  fineness  of  material  and  beauty  of  work;  and 
conventual  garbs  are  apt  to  lapse  sometimes  into  slovenlines-;, 
and  sometimes  into  the  little  niceties  which  reforming  abbesses 
so  sternly  condemned.  You  can  hardly  expect  to  get  a  lady's 
sentiments  into  your  maid  or  school-girl,  unless  you  freely 
permit  iier  to  fulfil  her  ideal  of  a  lady  in  matters  that  are  not 
all  foolish  ornament-,  but  absolute  comforts  and  refinements. 
Story-books  for  the  poor  have  created  a  most  impossible  set  of 
heroic  girls  and  mothers,  neat  as  new  pins  in  the  dullest 
imaginable  wearing  apparel,  which,  by  the  by,  they  could  never 
procure.  If  an  elderly  lady  wishes  for  the  patterns  of  her 
prime,  she  has  to  pny  highly  for  them  at  her  milliner's.  Poor 
people's  shops  have  only  the  popular  extreme  of  the  fashion. 

The  really  kind  thing  to  do  by  young  girls,  at  service  or  at 
school,  is  to  train  their  natural  taste  for  embellishment,  not  to 
quash  it  and  treat  it  as  an  oll'ence,  so  as  to  give  every  compliance 
with  fashion  the  zest  of  a  victory  over  authority.  What  is 
really  becoming  and  convenient,  let  us  accept  for  them  as  we 
would  for  ourselves,  and  acknowledge  that  it  is  as  much  in  the 
course  of  nature  for  a  maiden  to  enjoy  arraying  herself,  as  for  a 
bird  to  plume  itself.  And  let  us  not  be  unreasonable  enough  to 
expect  in  the  most  uneducated  part  of  the  community,  an  in- 
ditference  to  ornament  that  is  scarcely  to  bo  found  in  the  most 
educated,  and  not  always  for  good  there  ! 

The  hard  mannish  woman,  who  runs  into  harsh  eccentricities 
in  dress,  is  not  commendable  on  that  score.  It  is  but  an  uglier 
kiad  of  vanity.     No  rule  for  female  dress  was  ever  better  than 

X 


114 


WOMANKIND. 


that  of  tlio  adviser  of  Marie  Ther^se  de  rAraouron^,  when  he 
told  her  that  whatever  attracted  notice  in  die^s,  whether  loo 
much  or  too  little,  Avas  an  error. 

Suitability    to   circumstances   and   means    brings  in  all  the 

;^  question  of  expense  as  well  as  taste.     The  matter  of  expense  is 

one  of  those  questions  with  a  sliding  scale,  on  which  it  is  so 

hard  to  lay  down  rules.     The  ascetic,  ami  even  the  philosopher, 

might  say,  "  Spend  not  a  farthing  needlessly  on  the  perishable 

(  body;"  but  other  voices,  especially  while  there  are  those  around 

'  us  who  love  us,  bid  us  think  that  the  raiment  of  our  station, 

fitly  arranged,  is  a  part  of  the  cliaracter  of  the  virtuous  woman, 

and  enhances  the  dignity  and  sweetness  of  her  portrait. 

It  is  right,  then,  that  the  costliness  of  each  person's  dress 
should  be  in  keeping  with  her  means.  Even  very  large  means 
do  not,  however,  justify  wanton  and  wasteful  expenditure — such 
as  that  of  paying  for  the  destruction  of  a  pattern,  that  thedre-s 
purchased  may  be  unique  ;  or  the  inordinate  desire  for  change 
and  novelty,  which  pays  a  fancy  price  for  some  new  invention. 
Freaks  like  this  are  the  insolence  of  wealth  and  fashion,  and 
are  unjustifiable  on  any  score;  but  chiefly  because  money  is  a 
stewardship,  and  there  are  thousands  of  objects  for  it,  which 
make  squandering  it  avvoy  a  sin  of  omission.  Besides,  the 
example  of  extravagance  is  most  contagious  and  mischievous. 
Are  we  not  still  sufi'eriug  from  the  expensive  style  begun  in  the 
Second  Empire,  and  since  upheld  by  the  American  taste  1 
Economy  is  now  shown  in  the  choice  of  wretched  cheap  mate- 
rial, in.stead  of  in  the  durability  and  simplicity  of  the  garment. 
Instead  of  one  handsome  dress,  simply  made,  and  capable  of 
being  turned  and  altered,  half  a  dozen  trumpery  ones,  with 
material  not  worth  making  up,  are  called  for;  and  if  good  stuli' 
be  employed,  it  is  so  cut  to  pieces  by  the  present  fashion  as  to  be 
incapable  of  being  used  agiin;  and  we  think  of  Pettuchio's 
indignation — "I  told  you  to  cut  the  gown — I  told  you  not  to 
cut  it  to  pieces." 

A  good  silk  made  as  simply  as  pr  s  ible,  and  fitting  perfectly, 
is  the  most  lady -like  of  drc&ses,  and  moreover  does  the  least 


DRESS.  115 

harm.  Nine  times  out  of  ten,  trimmings  are  only  useful  to 
conceal  bad  fit,  or  bad  work,  or  pometimes  wear ;  pour  cacher  la 
viisere,  as  the  Frenchwoman  cleverly  said.  When  they  are  to 
hide  honest  wear,  and  to  "  gar  auld  claithes  look  amaist  as  weel 
as  new,"  they  are  highly  respectable  and  ingenious.  But  when. 
as  Mrs.  AVhitney  puts  in  it  We  Girls,  they  are  merely  a  fitlget, 
and  a  means  of  spending  as  much  time  and  money  with  a 
sewing-machine  as  with  a  needle,  they  are  utterly  unprofitable 
waste,  and  but  that  the  eye  is  vitiated,  we  should  not  be  able  to 
endure  them. 

The  duty  of  most  girls  with  regard  to  dress  is  to  "be  always 
ready  to  appear  in  some  garb,  quiet,  yet  fresh,  and  pretty, 
according  to  the  occasion,  but  without  vain  expenditure. 
Forethought  and  good  sense  will  generally  make  this  possible. 
Parents  calculate  allowances  according  to  what  they  expect  of 
their  daughter,  and  according  to  whether  she  has  the  use  of  a 
maid's  needle,  or  depends  on  her  own.  When  she  has  to  make, 
alter,  or  mend  for  herself,  questions  of  expense  often  resolve 
themselves  into  questions  of  time,  and  she  has  to  decide  whether 
such  and  such  a  trimming  is  to  be  paid  for,  made  by  herself,  or 
dispensed  with.  It  is  a  matter  only  to  be  decided  by  the  pre- 
ponderance of  the  duty  of  saving  money  or  time  ;  and  some- 
times indeed  it  is  the  truest  way  of  being  charitable  to  employ 
some  needy  and  industrious  fingers.  But  with  this  proviso — 
Never  employ  such  workers  at  a  sum  below  the  proper  price,  or 
you  are  as  bad  as  the  worst  slop-shop.  Economy  is  not  economy 
but  cheating,  if  you  do  not  render  to  every  man,  and  still  more 
to  every  woman,  their  due.  Eunning  after  cheap  advertising 
shops,  and  buying  fabulously  cheap  ready-made  garments,  is 
encouraging  the  cruel  oppression  of  the  pool  workers.  The 
money  spent  in  the  absurd  advertising  system  must  come  out  of 
someone,  either  the  buyer  or  the  worker ;  and  advertisements  of 
the  same  article  running  down  a  whole  colu'.nn  of  a  paper,  or 
flaring  on  every  wall,  ought  to  be  a  warning  to  every  reasonable 
creature  against  the  purchase.  The  better  sort  of  shop  only  adver- 
tises in  a  moderate  degree,  whoa  there  is  anything  expedient, 

l2 


il6  WOMANKIND. 

to  be  male  Icnown.  Everyone  knows  such  IrustwortTiy  shops 
of  old-csiuLIislicd  tradesmen  in  London,  and  still  more  ia 
country  towns,  where  long  c;istoni  and  confidence  creates  a  real 
di-'pciidenco :  and  where  one  is  safe  in  accepting  the  rccommen- 
diilion  of  the  sellers.  Such  liouses  are  considerate  with  their 
■work-people,  and  their  sellings  otf  of  old  season's  stock  are 
genuine.  It  is  false  economy  to  go  after  bargains,  and  leads  to 
other  evils. 

If  it  be  an  object  not  to  be  expensive,  choose  durable  colours, 
and  lot  iho piice  de  resistance  of  your  dress  be  one  of  those  tints 
that  "  fight "  with  the  fewest  colours,  fade  the  least,  and  clean 
the  best.     White,  black,  and  delicate  neutral  tints,  and  brown- 
holland,  are  always  safe,  and  can  bo  varied  infinitely  by  delicate 
bright  ribbons.     Half  the  bad  taste  for  which  Englishwomen 
are  proverbial  comes  of  the  improvident  choice  of  unmanageable 
colours,  where  the  warJrobc  is  smalL     A  dress  and  its  appliances 
may  perhaps  go  together  perfectly,  but  a  little  change  in  the 
season  may  necessitate  the  use  of  another  wrap,  or  a   different 
bonnet  has  to  bo  worn  ;  and  if  the  colours  will  not  assort  them- 
selves, it  cannot  bo  helped  ;  to  get  a  new  article  would  be  wrong 
till  tho  old  is  nearly  Avoru  out.     Granted  ;  but  those  who  mean 
to  bo  economical  should  never  buy  what  will  only  look  well  with 
one  other  colour.     It  is  often  true  self-denial  to  wear  unbecoming 
colours  rather  than  go  to  needless  expense ;  but  self-denial  in 
choosing  tho  less  attractive  but  more  useful  article  in  the  first  in- 
stance Avould  prevent  the  ugliness  of  the  world  from  being  in- 
creased. Bright  delicate  blues  and  pinks  can  be  used  in  large  masses 
by  the  young,  either  in  morning  muslins  or  evening  silks ;  but 
nothing  but  whites  or  blacks  go  well  with  them,  and  ordinarily 
thcso  colours  are  better  garnish  than  full  material.     The  scarlet 
01  crimson  shaAvl  or  cloak  is  a  time-honoured  wrap,  in  perfect 
taste  over  blacks,  greys,   or  dark   browns ;   but   no   two  reds 
together  are  admissible.      There  is   nothing   wrong  in  taking 
questions  of  complexion  and  becomingness  into  account,  though 
^  to  dress coquettishly  to  attract  notice  is  a  very  different  thing. 
Oruament  has  next  to  be  considered  i  and  first  of  all  rulca 


DRESS.  117 

relating  to  it,  comes  the  rule  of  truth.  All  attempts  to  pretend 
to  beauties  that  we  do  not  possess  are  clearly  falsehood,  and 
therefore  wrong  in  themselves,  and  injurious  to  the  genuine 
possessors.  It  is  parting  with  all  the  true  dignity  of  the  virtuous 
woman  to  try  to  change  hair  or  complexion ;  and  it  is  a  strange 
and  sad  proof  of  the  evil  influences  of  fashion  that  so  many 
good  women  should  deck  themselves  with  borrowed  plaits 
without  compunction,  "  because  everyone  knows  it  is  not  their 
own,"  and  that  in  the  face  of  universal  protests  against  the 
ungraceful  fashion  of  an  unnaturally  large  head  ! 

False  pretences  at  Avealth  are  nearly  as  bad  as  false  pretences 
at  beauty.  In  the  last  generation,  mock  jewellery  was  the  acme 
of  vulgarity.  Now,  love  of  trinkets  has  made  tinsel  in  reality 
more  vulgar,  because  more  common  ;  but  unfortunately  not  con- 
fined to  the  second-rate  classes.  Only  the  truly  refined  will  now 
refuse  to  wear  anything  that  is  not  what  it  pretends  to  be — 
will  prefer  an  honest  pebble  to  a  sham  jewel,  and  turn  away 
from  false  coral  and  glass  jet.  The  person  who  utteily  repudiates 
unreal  gew-gaws  is  true  and  just ;  and  what  is  more,  she  saves  a 
great  many  small  sums  for  higher  purposes. 

The  higher  rulers  of  good  taste  have  shown  us  that  nothing  is 
really  graceful  that  has  not  a  raison  dUre.  Dress  should 
resemble  early  English,  rather  than  Tudor,  architecture,  and  its 
ornaments  be  beautiful  necessary  finishes  and  fastenings.  The 
brooch  is  almost  a  necessity  ;  and  the  bracelet  is  a  natural  orna- 
ment— as  are  the  flowers  in  the  hair,  the  feather  in  the  hat.  To 
the  whole  bird,  or  to  an  entire  wing,  I  own  a  dislike,  as  looking 
murderous,  and  reminding  me  of  the  extermination  of  all  the 
more  beautiful  birds,  wherever  the  orders  of  fashion-mongers 
can  reach. 

Skirts  looped  up  with  flowers,  where  it  would  be  unnatural  to 
fasten  real  ones,  do  not  seem  to  me  to  be  good  taste  ;  though  the 
associations  of  a  ball-dress  are  in  favour  of  them,  and  perhaps 
the  dancer  is  supposed  for  the  nonce  to  be  a  fairy  and  in  fairy 
costume.  Artificial  flowers  do  not  exactly  come  under  the 
category  of  shams,  since  no  one  wears  them  to  deceive;  and 


\ 


118  WOMANKIND. 

though  a  battered  flower  in  a  dirty  cap,  or  torn  liat  is  the  most 
disgusting  ornament  the  poor  bedeck  themselves  with,  tolerable 
flowers  are  so  cheap,  that  the  time  is  past  for  their  inhibition, 
and  it  is  wiser  to  show  in  what  style  they  should  be  worn. 

Falsehood  as  to  amount  of  mateiial  is  thorough  bad  taste,  if 
no  more.  Tlie  long  train  gathered  up  behind  became  our  great- 
grandmothers  ;  but  the  real  folds  of  drapery  are  ill-replaced  by 
a  mechanical  cushion  standing  out  like  an  excrescence;  and  a 
flounce,  Avith  lining  alone  under  it,  gives  a  sense  of  spiteful 
triumph  to  those  who  detect  the  make-shift. 

And  trulh  in  dress  leads  to  charity  ;  not  only  by  avoiding 
setting  bad  examples,  but  by  making  the  worn  dress  fit  to  be 
given  away,  or  cut  up  for  a  poor  child.  To  give  away  disused 
finery  is  no  kindness ;  but  a  good  useful  dresf,  past  its  first 
prime,  is  no  small  benefit  to  a  poor  woman,  and  if  it  have  not 
been  spoilt  in  the  making,  will  last  her  for  years.  Such  con- 
siderations as  these  are  well  worth  keeping  in  mind  when  we 
choose  our  dresses,  for  they  greatly  increase  our  powers  of 
kindness  ;  and  if  there  be  a  little  restraint  as  to  shape  and 
colour,  it  will  probably  rather  improve  than  detract  from  the 
general  effect. 

"  Do  all  to  the  glory  of  God  "  is  the  rule  of  rules ;  and 
above  all,  it  should  make  our  Sunday  diess  such  as  may  really 
be  one  of  the  fair  elements  of  brightness  of  the  Lord's  Day, 
and  not  a  distraction  to  our  fellow-Avorshippers.  Whether  they 
are  occupied  in  censuring  its  vanity,  or  contriving  an  imitation 
of  it,  it  is  making  our  sisters  to  offend. 

**  The  Sundny  gnrment  glittering  gay 
ilay  steal  the  Sunday  heart  away," 

— not  only  of  ourselves,  but  of  many  more. 

Let  us  then  be  very  careful  how  we  deal  with  that  especial 
trial  of  womankind,  the  garb  in  which  we  clothe  ourselves. 


AMUSEMENT.  11 9 

CHAPTER  XVI. 

AMUSEMENT. 

TiTB  arammt  of  society  and  amusement  tliat  yoTm,!^  people 
enjoy  is  regulated  by  their  parents'  will  and  circumstances,  but 
the  right  and  wrong  of  the  matter  needs  consideration  ;  for 
perhaps  the  consistency  of  such  with  our  vow  to  renounce  the 
world  is  one  of  our  chief  difficulties.  In  fact,  it  all  depends 
upon  the  spirit,  not  on  the  kind  or  quantity. 

The  Evangelical  party  took  a  much  easier  line  when  they 
flatly  denounced  all  balls,  theatres,  and  the  like  ;  but  it  was  not 
long  before  it  was  felt  that  there  could  be  just  as  much  worldli- 
ness  at  a  religious  tea  as  at  a  ball ;  and  the  reaction  from  their 
severity  is  hardly  having  a  hajipy  elFect  at  present,  for  there  is  a 
tendency  to  bring  the  utmost  amount  of  amusement  into  the 
closest  and  most  incongruous  juxtaposition  with  the  hi^diest 
forms  of  worship. 

That  strange  and  unsatisfactory  book,  Modem  Christianity  a 
Civilized  Heatlieni&ni,  declares  that  any  enjoyment  of  life  is 
absolutely  inconsistent  with  the  faith  that  there  is  danger  of 
hell  fire,  and  thus  makes  the  cheerfulness  of  ordinary  society 
an  argument  against  the  reality  of  our  Christian  faith.  This  is 
absolute  forgetfulness  that  we  are  the  ransomed  of  the  Loud, 
with  everlasting  joy  on  our  heads ;  that,  our  joy  in  the  Eesur- 
rection  of  our  Lord,  no  man  can  take  from  us ;  and  that  "  the 
joy  of  the  Lord  is  our  strength,"  and  will  show  itself  not  only 
in  psalms  and  hymns  and  spuitual  songs,  but  in  lightness  and 
gladness  of  heart,  and  readiness  to  please  and  be  pleased  with 
the  trifles  on  our  way. 

St.  Paul's  is  the  perfect  rule  :  "  Rejoice  in  ihe  Lord  alway, 
and  again  I  say  rejoice.  Let  your  moderation  be  known  ujito 
all  men.     The  Lord  is  at  hand." 

Alas,  it  is  our  want  of  moderation  that  is  known  unto  all  men. 
We  are  most  unlike  George  Herbert's  birds,  that  do  but  sip  and 


120  WOMAXKlNa 

look  up  to  the  "better  joys  above  ;  and  tlius  our  joy  is  not  "in 
the  Lord,"  and  has  not  that  restraint  which  alone  can  make  it 
safe  or  innocent.  Safe,  indeed,  nothing  is,  for  ten  thousand 
temptations  beset  us  every  ;vhere;  but  iu  itself  the  pleasure  need 
not  be  wrong. 

Of  course  there  is  another  way  of  looking  at  it,  namely,  that 
a  penitent  sinner  has  enough  to  do  to  keep  the  strait  path  in 
fear  and  trembling,  without  seeking  after  distractions  that  may 
lead  to  thoughtlessness  and  evil.  Some  temperaments  see  the 
dark  side,  and  are  so  stiict  themselves,  so  earnest  in  their  single 
aim,  that  they  Avould  restrain  all  others  from  what  they  only 
look  on  as  waste  of  time  and  running  into  temptation ;  but 
these,  however  it  may  be  for  tliemselves,  cause  temptation  to 
those  under  them,  by  the  rebellion,  if  not  hypocrisy,  which  is 
sometimes  provoked  by  their  intoleiance. 

Just  as  play  is  necessary  to  children,  so  play  or  pleasure  of 
some  kind  is  wholesome  for  the  average  human  being.  In 
youth,  the  instinct  is  so  strong,  that,  unless  the  spirits  have  been 
crushed,  some  outlet  wiU  and  must  be  found — from  "  the  maid's 
Sunday  out "  upwards.  Happy  homes,  with  varieties  of  simple 
diversions,  find  these  recreations  naturally  ;  but  still  there  are 
pleasures  enhanced  by  numbers,  and  there  are  duties  of  friend- 
ship and  neighbourhood  that  ought  to  bring  people  together. 
It  is  a  real  blessing  to  a  neighbourhood  when  those  who  have 
large  rooms,  and  gardens,  and  ample  means,  provide  innocent 
occasions  for  meeting  to  those  around  them,  and  set  the  example 
as  to  style,  time,  and  manner.  Some  people  there  will  always 
be  reckless  of  anything  but  pleasure  and  excitement ;  and  if 
the  whole  management  be  left  to  these,  evil  will  be  sure  to 
accrue  to  the  more  undecided  characters,  Avho  may  bo  kc;jt 
straight  by  the  example  and  good  management  of  those  who 
can  carry  a  sense  of  duty  into  the  providing  and  partaking  of 
amusement. 

I  am  leaving  out  all  that  marks  these  times  of  amusement 
with  a  really  dark  line  of  worldliness,  namely,  the  treating  them 
not  as  occasions  of  pleasure,  but  of  speculation  or  ostentation. 


AMUSEMENT.  121 

WTi at  I  want  to  consirler  is  the  expedience  of  ordinary  amuse^ 
ments  for  conscientious  though  lively  girls,  with  a  natural 
appetite  for  variety  and  gaiety.  Such  girls  are  to  be  found, 
from  the  fashionable  young  lady  who  has  seven  engagements  a 
day  throughout  the  season,  down  to  the  maiden  to  whom  a 
garden-party  at  the  squire's  is  a  bewildering  delight.  And  the 
query,  where  is  duty,  and  where  is  dissipation,  is  often  equally 
hard  to  both. 

In  both  cases,  quantity  and  quality,  choice  and  compulsion, 
cause  and  effect,  all  come  into  consideration. 

The  girl  who  goes  where  she  is  taken,  delights  in  the  an- 
ticipation, and  enjoys  herself  with  all  her  might  wherever  she 
is,  yet  can  be  quite  happy  without  gaiety,  and  can  resign  herself 
good-humouredly  to  disappointment,  is  likely  to  be  pretty  safe. 
So  is  she  whose  great  aim  is  to  make  things  plea?ant  for  other 
people,  and  help  her  mother  through  the  representation  and 
hospitality  her  father's  station  demands.  What  is  dissipation 
to  the  damsel  in  private  life,  is  to  her  an  almost  daily  duty,  and 
not  at  all  an  unimportant  one ;  for  to  have  the  drawing-room  of 
a  person  high  in  command,  rank,  or  station,  made  a  place  of 
kindly  intelligent  refinement,  and  lively  innocent  cheerfulness, 
makes  an  immense  difference  to  all  who  revolve  about  that  little 
centre,  and  sometimes  gives  a  tone  for  life. 

But  the  danger  begins  where  there  sets  in  the  strong  passion 
for  pleasure  which  bears  down  opposition,  is  impatient  and  weary 
of  all  quiet  home  life,  and  which  so  occupies  the  mind  and 
spirits,  that  devotion  and  duty  alike  are  either  neglected  or 
perfunctorily  performance. 

The  young  lady  who  drags  out  her  weary  or  ailing  mother, 
or  insists  on  going  with  some  friend  not  quite  approved 
as  a  chaperon,  or  who  over-rules  her  father's  questions  as 
to  expense  or  desirableness,  is  transgressing  those  borders  of 
safety  that  give  us  a  right  to  pray,  "  Lead  us  not  into  temp- 
tation." 

"  Oh,  never  mind  what  anyone  says — we  must  have  our  fun, 
in  spite  of  old-world  fogeys  !     Mother  will  like  it  when  she  is 


122  WOMANKIND. 

there.  Father  ■will  afford  it  somfhnw,  only  he  likns  to  pmTnljlo. 
It  is  all  prejudice  aud  old-fashioned  notious.  Let  uie  have  luy 
swing  ! " 

When  a  damsel  has  corae  to  that  state  of  mind,  it  is  only  to 
be  hoped  that  it  is  a  fever,  which  may  pass  at  the  touch  of  trial. 
But  she  will  little  heed  what  is  here  said ;  so  all  that  it  is  needful 
to  add  is  to  bpg  those  who  are  yet  in  a  lucid  state  to  try  and 
keep  themselves  from  such  a  condition — by  not  making  their 
own  pleasure  and  amusement  the  prime  object  of  their  lives, 
and  by  accepting  all  the  little  checks  as  to  health,  expense,  con- 
venience, or  the  seasons  of  the  Church,  as  so  many  providential 
means  of  being  guarded  against  what  D  shop  Wilson  calls  "  living 
in  such  a  state  as  ^,ve  should  fear  to  die  in." 

We  all  know  the  story  of  St.  Carlo  Dorromeo,  when  he  was 
asked  what  he  would  do  if  the  last  trumpet  should  souml  whea 
he  was  playing  at  billiards:  "Try  to  make  a  good  hit,"  ho 
raidied.  If  the  thing  be  innocent  recreation,  do  it  as  AveU  as 
possible,  and  enjoy  it  without  shame  or  fear. 

On  the  other  hand,  "  Whatever  is  not  of  faith  is  sin."  Indeed, 
I  believe  what  St.  Paul  says  to  the  Eomans  and  Corinthians  as 
to  heathen  feasts  is  the  storehouse  of  principle  for  Christians 
with  regard  to  amusements.  Whatever  you  can  simply  enjoy 
without  a  quulm  of  conscience,  is  right ;  whatever  co-ts  you  a 
scruple,  is  better  avoided.  A  garden-party,  if  you  go  against 
home  desires,  if  you  flirt,  or  if  you  play  unfairly,  may  be- 
come sin  to  you ;  an  opera  or  ball  may  be  gone  to  in  perfect 
innocence. 

In  dancing  as  dancing,  and  in  balls  in  moderation,  there  is  no 
necessary  harm.  It  is  true  that  fiishion  chooses  the  most  absurd 
time  for  givinj  balls,  partly  no  doubt  for  the  sake  of  that 
feverish  excitement  which  late  hours  produce ;  but  as  this  is  not 
likely  to  be  reformed  in  our  time,  our  young  ladies  are  free  to 
declare  there  woidd  be  no  fun  if  it  began  early,  &c.,  to  enjoy 
their  fairy-land,  and  unless  they  be  very  strong,  pay  for  it  the 
next  day.  It  is  better  they  should  have  the  pleasure  than  thirst 
after  it  as  a  forbidden  but  mysterious  sweet,  and  in  moderatiop 


AMUSEMENT.  123 

it  Joes  no  harm.  If  jealousies  come  in  as  to  partners,  dances, 
y  lod  looks,  or  good  dress,  that  is  not  the  fault  of  the  dancing, 
but  of  the  world.  These  are  the  things  to  be  struggled,  with. 
When  the  grudge  once  comes  in  at  being  sur^iassed,  then  it  is 
time  to  fear. 

r    It  does  not  seem  to  nie  that,  in  right  mea=nre,  theatres  or 
operas  need  be  shunned   by  those   in  whose   way  they  come 
\  naturally.     Of  course  there  is  a  choice  of  pieces,  and  those  on 
which  rests  any  reproach  as  to  tendency,  or  the  character  and 
language,  must  be  avoided.    Some  of  the  grt-at  mHsterpieces  ought 
to  be  seen  and  heard  in  as  full  perfection  as  possible  ;   and   for 
everyone's  sake  the  performance  should  be  encouraged.    There  is 
no  reason  against  what  is  merely  amusing  and  phasureable  in 
moderation,  unless  experience  shows  it  to  have  a  bad  effect  on  an 
individual  mind,  For  all  these  amusements  are  like  ai  tides  of  food. 
Most  people,  even  healthy  ones,  find  that  some  few  things  are 
poison  to  them,  though  eatable  by  others.     One  person  cannot 
tat  lobster,  another  cannot  drink  tea,  &c.  ;  in  the  same  way, 
the  pleasure  which  is  harmless  to  one  mind,  may  dissipate  or 
excite  another.     Some  music,  especially  opera  music,  is  found 
to  be  bad  for  certain  states  of  mind.     When  this  is  the  case, 
surely  the  pleasure  should  be  given  up.     But  to  most  the  en- 
joyment is  a  safe  one,  and  a  delightful  study  of  the  real  beauty 
and  purpose  of  the  isolated  passages  already  learnt.     The  other 
consideration  which  strongly  moves  many  against  these  spectacles 
is  the  harm  they  do  to  the  professionals  and  to  the  lower  grade 
of  persons  they  attract.     This,  besides  the  actual  disgust  of  the 
sight,  is  an  absolute  reason  against  the  ballet ;  but  the  ether 
grades  of  actors  and   singers  in  the  well-regulated  theatres  are 
often  beyond  all  reproach,  and  take  delight  in  the  exposition  of 
the  beauty  of  their  parts.      Of  course  it  would  be  doubtful 
whether  a  profession  involving  so  much  dit-play  and  simulating 
of  sentiments  is  always  a  safe  one  ;  but  it  seems  to  me  that 
where  gifts  are  bestowed  in  such  manner  as  they  were  upon  the 
Kemble  family,  it  is  a  tukeu  of  iheir  being  intended  to  servo 
for  the  good  of  man. 


124  WOMANKIND. 

There  is  much  more  to  be  said  for  concert  singing,  and 
" Mademoiselle  Mori"  has  shown  us  how  the  voice,  even  in 
secular  music,  may  be  under  a  dedication  to  duty  and  noble- 
ness. So  that  these  enjoyments,  whether  of  the  ear  or  the  eye, 
need  not  be  prohibited. 

Eaces  appear  to  me  by  far  the  most  questionable  of  our 
fashionable  amusements ;  and  their  tendency  has  been  of  late 
to  grow  more  and  more  mischievous.  It  is  true  that  the  mere 
occasion  for  a  drive  and  a  pic-nic-ing  luncheon,  with  thi  meet- 
ing of  friends  and  neighbours,  and  the  mere  sight  of  a  crowd 
of  gay  dresses,  are  innocent  pleasures  in  themselves ;  also,  that 
those  who  understand  horses  may  be  intensely  interested  ;  and 
those  who  do  not,  are  carried  along  by  feelint:  for  their  friends, 
as  well  as  by  the  excitement  of  the  multitude.  The  thud  of 
the  advancing  horses'  feet,  the  rush,  the  breathless  wa'ch,  the 
sight  of  the  beautiful  creatures  as  they  flash  along — all  these 
excitements  must  be  felt  to  be  appreciated.  The  Derby  Day  is 
the  great  London  holiday — so  delightful  to  thou-auds,  that  it  is 
very  hard  to  condemn  it ;  and  yet,  is  not  luith's  great  picture 
a  very  sentence  against  it  ? 

Try  it  every  way,  and  we  find  that  there  was  a  deep  parable 
in  the  old  Greek  legend  of  the  mares  of  DiomeJes,  who  fed  on 
human  flesh,  and  ended  by  devouring  their  master.  Only  a 
very  few  men  can  be  much  "on  the  turf"  without  ruin  in 
property  or  character.  There  are  a  few  names,  and  these 
mostly  of  the  last  generation,  that  stand  high  and  noble  for 
honour  and  good  influence ;  but  is  the  good  influence  they  have 
exerted  by  any  means  equal  to  the  evil  influence  of  the  being 
able  to  cite  such  names  as  the  sanction  for  what  is  avowedly 
temptation  1  As  to  the  benefit  to  the  breed  of  horses,  good 
judges  tell  us  that  the  racers  are  not  the  valuable  kind  for  use ; 
but  of  this  there  is  no  need  for  an  ignorant  person  to  speak. 
My  argument  is  with  women,  and  amounts  to  this — that  they 
have  no  right  to  sanction  and  foster,  by  their  presence,  what 
does  such  infinite  harm. 

For  the  evil  to  the  owners  of  the  horses  is  a  very  slight  part 


AMUSEMENT.  125 

of  the  matter,  compared  -with  the  frightful  IbetHrg  system.  It 
has  created  a  sort  of  predatory  class,  calling  themselves  gentle- 
men, and  speculating  on  the  folly  and  blindness  of  others ;  and 
it  is  the  first  step  in  ruin  of  liUuJreds  of  young  men,  who  run 
into  it  as  a  mere  act  of  manliness  or  fashion,  or  as  a  means  of 
proving  their  interest  or  enhancing  their  excitement.  How 
many  families  have  been  impoverished,  how  many  hearts  have 
been  broken,  by  tho  betting  father,  son,  or  brother  !  And  this 
mischief  extends  even  more  deeply  among  the  middle  classes 
than  among  gentlemen,  and  especially  among  men-servants. 
How  can  any  woman  encourage  the  excitement  that  leads  to 
things  like  these  1  How  can  any  woman  touch  the  accursed 
thing,  by  betting  for  pairs  of  gloves,  or  the  like?  If  we 
remember  the  sacred  stewardship  that  money  really  is — a  talent 
lent  to  us  to  be  used  with  justice  and  discretion,  to  do  our  duty 
by  all  around  us,  and  to  serve  God  with  — we  can  never  feel  it 
right  to  stake  any  of  it  for  the  mere  pleasure  of  excitement, 
or  as  a  support  to  our  opinion,  far  less  to  join  in  what  so  soon 
becomes  absolute  vice. 

IsTay,  there  is  more  behind  among  the  evils  attendant  on 
races.  Look  at  the  crowds  of  godkss  nomads,  who  wander 
from  one  such  scene  to  another,  with  shows,  shooting-galleries, 
and  far  less  innocent  attractions,  for  the  visitors?  Can  the 
system  be  innocent  that  maintains  such  a  class  ?  Look  at  the 
intoxication  of  the  young  faimers,  shopmen,  and  clerks,  who 
have  spent  the  day  in  dissipation,  licensed  by  tlie  example  of 
their  betters.  Ask  any  clergyman,  whose  parish  is  near  any  of 
the  more  popular  race-courses,  whether  demoralization  is  not  the 
consoqnenco,  and  whether  there  are  not  boys  and  gu'ls  in  the 
place  whoso  downward  course  dates  from  the  race  day.  After 
that,  consider  whether  you  can  tempt  out  the  village  girl  by 
showing  your  own  gay  bonnet  in  a  place  Avhcre  you — in  your 
guarded  seat — catch  no  harm  yourself,  but  where  your  presence 
becomes  one  of  the  excuses  tliat  lead  others  to  evil. 

Far  be  it  from  me  to  blame  all  who  attend  races  in  tho 
ignorance  that  is  bliss  3  but  I  do  say  that  I  cannot  understand 


126  WOMANKIND. 

anyone  promoting  tbem  who  has  once  thought  over  the  harm 
they  do  to  all  classes,  and  for  the  sake  of  a  pleasure  such  as  in 
itself  can  do  nobody  the  slightest  good  ;  and  I  think  that  all 
women  who  have  any  heed  for  their  neighbour's  soul,  ought,  as 
races  are  at  present  managed,  to  discourage  them  to  the  utmost 
of  their  power. 

The  Eink  is  a  fashion  I  regret.  Skating  could  only  bo 
enjoyed  for  so  short  a  time,  and  that  so  uncertain  that  it  can 
only  be  a  bright  incident  and  winte "  pleasure  ;  but  oiir  habit  of 
over-doing  our  pleasure  has  brought  in  sham  ice  and  sham 
skating  all  the  year  round,  and,  as  it  is  often  managed,  with 
circumstances  not  favourable  to  a  quiet,  modest  tone  among  the 
girls  who  amuse  themselves  in  very  mixed  company  and  in 
an  unguarded  manner,  making  themselves  a  public  spectacle. 
The  mischief  is  not  of  course  the  exercise,  but  that  there  is  no 
one  of  any  authority  to  select  the  company  or  act  as  a  check — 
no  hosts  or  hostesses,  as  there  are  in  a  manner  with  real  ice  in 
private  grounds, — no  one  to  be  accountable ;  and  thus,  though  a 
well  managed,  innocent  and  select  riuk  is  quite  possible,  "  nice  " 
girls  would  do  well  to  abstain  from  those  where  a  chance 
public  shares  the  sport,  and  in  no  c^se  should  they  go  without 
a  more  real  chaperon  than  a  maid  or  a  little  sister's  governess. 

Of  one  home  amusement  I  would  also  say  something,  namely, 
reading.  A  good  novel  is  a  wholesome  thing,  full  of  useful 
experience,  and  extending  the  sympathies ;  but  of  nothing 
more  truly  may  it  be  said  than  of  novels,  that  their  ex- 
clusive use  drives  the  seared  taste  to  slake  its  fire  at  foulest 
wells.  And  let  no  one  suppose  that  the  reading  of  evil  things 
la  a  matter  of  indifference.  Some  say  that  if  such  things  are, 
they  ought  to  know  of  them.  Can  this  be  so?  Can  any 
one  know  of  them  safely  who  has  not  some  duty  in  trying  to 
prevent  them,  or  rescue  those  who  do  them  1  Is  it  well  to 
defile  the  mind  wantonly  with  the  mischief  ]  *'  The  knowledge 
of  wickedness  is  not  wisdom ; "  and  to  gloat  over  imaginary 
pictures  of  vice,  made  inevitable  and  interesting,  is  no  occupa- 
tion for  a  Christian  vvuman.     How  does  she  know  whether  they 


AMUSEMENT.  127 

will  not  liaunt  and  throng  her  when  she  would  give  worlds  to 
be  free  of  them] 

Did  not  St.  Paul  speak  of  "  not  only  doing  such  things,  but 
taking  pleasure  in  those  that  do  them  "  1  What  would  he  have 
thought  of  taking  pleasure  in  the  studied  delineation  of  "  those 
who  do  them  "  ]  How  can  those  to  whom  their  Lord  spake  the 
blessing  to  the  pure  in  heart,  defile  their  imaginations  with 
dwelling  on  sin  and  shame  for  absolutely  no  necessity,  but  mere 
emptiness  and  desire  for  excitement  1  Or,  "  to  know  what 
everyone  is  talking  of,"  is  the  favourite  plea,  which  simply 
means,  going  by  the  broad  road,  where  many  go. 

If  every  modest  woman  or  girl  would  abstain  from  such 
books  as  poison,  and  never  order,  nor  even  read,  one  that  makes 
crime  and  impurity  prominent,  or  tampers  with  dilemmas 
about  the  marriage  vow,  there  would  be  fewer  written  and 
published,  less  wild-fire  would  be  spread  abroad,  and  the 
women  themselves  would  have  made  some  effort  to  "purify 
themselves,  as  He  is  pure." 

To  conclude.  Pleasure  is  no  sin  :  it  is  the  gny  blossom  of 
happiness ;  and  it  comes  to  the  young  of  itself.  To  provide 
wholesome  pleasure  is  a  duty  of  those  in  authority  ;  and  in 
almost  all  cases,  the  evil  lies  not  in  the  amusements,  but  in  the 
sentiments  that  they  excite,  and  the  inordinate  appetite  for 
them,  and  want  of  consideration  for  others,  especially  servants. 

Excitement  that  makes  the  evening  prayer  impossible  ; 
Saturday-night  fatigue  that  hinders  Sunday  morning's  feast ; 
fa-t  days  of  the  Church  invadi-d — all  these  are  notes  of  evil. 
So  is  the  want  of  pity  that  kills  ladies'  maids  by  sitting  up,  or 
calls  up  men-servants,  after  a  night  of  wailing,  to  take  the  lady 
to  an  early  Celebration.  So  is  the  passionate  determination  not 
to  miss  a  pleasure  at  any  cost,  and  the  disregard  of  parents' 
wishes,  while  an  unwilling  consent  is,  Balaam  like,  wrenched 
out.  And  such  is  the  fluttering  longing  for  attention,  that  feola 
embittered  by  being  postponed  to  anyone  else. 

All  these,  and  many  more  temptations,  turn  that  blossom,  not 
to  happiness,  but  to  deadly  poison-fruit. 


123  WOMANKIND. 

CHAPTER  XVIX, 

PARENTS    AND   CHILDRE^T. 

Tt  seems  a  tniism  to  say  that  the  first  duty  is  to  parents,  but 
in  these  days  the  fifth  commandment  is  so  much  disused  that 
we  have  need  to  remember  the  awful  words  with  which  Malachi 
ended,  and  which  St.  John  the  Baptist  took  up — "To  turn  the 
hearts  of  the  fathers  to  tlie  children,  and  of  the  children  to  the 
parents,  lest  I  come  and  smite  the  earth  with  a  curse." 

How  many  homes  do  we  know  where  the  young  people  rule, 
and  the  old  people  submit ;  or  if  the  parents  chance  to  have 
strong  will-!,  the  next  thing  we  hear  is  that  the  girl  wants  to  go 
into  a  sisterhood  "becaut^e  she  can't  get  on  with  her  mother." 
Or  the  daughters  are  to  be  met  with  at  every  relation's  or  friend's 
house  for  long  visits,  while  the  mother  ia  left  alone  at  home. 
And  it  is  well  if  the  young  ladies  are  not  openly  taking  up 
causes  of  which  their  parents  are  known  to  disapprove. 

There  is  no  doubt  that  much  of  this  is  the  outcome  of  the 
parents'  disinclination  to  make  thenisclves  re-pected  ia  early 
childhood.  Liberties  have  been  allowed  and  Uughed  at,  indul- 
gence has  been  supposed  to  secure  afftction,  authority  has  been 
laid  aside,  and  there  has  been  no  habit  of  submission.  The 
children  have  learnt  to  consider  themselves  the  important  crea- 
tures in  the  house,  and  being  entirely  educated  by  strangers, 
have  their  minds  and  opinions  cast  in  different  moulds  from 
those  of  their  parent-^,  and  when  their  wills  and  tastes  clash,  the 
young  ones  see  no  rea-on  for  giving  way. 

This  is  often  the  fault  of  the  original  mismanagement,  but  it 
is  also  the  temp'ation  of  the  age.  Other  young  people  are  seen 
disregarding  their  parents,  making  light  of  their  opinions,  and 
holding  home  duties  cheap  ;  and  while  the  parents  fear  to  be 
disadvantageously  compared  with  others,  the  children  grow 
ashamed  of  their  restraints,  and  make  excuses  to  their  companions 
for  submitting.     It  is  to  the  children  tliat  I  would  now  speak, 


PARENTS   AND   CHILDREN.  129 

especially  tlie  growing-up  girls,  and  to  beg  tliem  most  eampstly 
to  let  filial  duty  have  the  foremost  place  with  them.  Ouly  the 
highest  duty  of  all  should  ever  come  before  it,  and  that  duty 
should  never  be  treated  as  an  excuse  for  disobedience  in  non- 
essentials. For  instance,  an  absolutely  sinful  action  must  not 
be  done  even  at  a  parent's  bidding ;  and  on  the  other  hand 
Sacraments  and  prayt- rs  are  not  to  be  given  up  for  any  mortal's 
command,  but  the  times  and  place  of  these  are  to  be  decided  by 
the  parents.  Yes,  even  though  they  seem  to  be  liokliDg  their 
children  back  from  the  higher  and  better  part,  obedience  is  still 
the  duty  and  the  rule,  and  there  will  be  nothing  really  lost  by 
obedient  waiting. 

While  writing  this,  I  seem  to  be  committing  high  treason  to 
parents  to  assume  that  they  are  ever  Iocs  to  the  higher  course, 
in'itead  of  placing  foremost  those  blessed  homes  where  the  father 
and  mother  are  the  guides  and  leaders,  and  every  nobler  and 
better  thought  of  their  children's  is  lovingly  traced  back  to  them  ; 
where  they  held  by  the  hand  as  long  as  the  paths  lie  close 
together,  and  give  their  aid,  their  blessing,  and  tlieir  S3  rapathy 
when  the  children  leave  the  nest.  Oh  !  glad  homes,  happy  lives  ! 
where  such  is  the  case ;  where  the  father's  loving,  yet  sometimes 
grave  and  stern  authoiity,  can  really  form  the  child's  thought  of 
his  heavenly  Father ;  where  the  mother  watches,  luvt  s,  and 
sympathizes  so  as  to  be  the  likeness  to  her  children  of  the 
Church ;  where  obedience  is  willing,  honour  comes  of  itself, 
and  discipline  is  accepted  as  from  indisputable  authority ;  where 
concealment  is  unknown,  and  confidence  is  free,  with  the  sense 
that  no  friend,  no  adviser,  is  equal  to  the  parents,  and  where 
errors  are  confessed  not  from  the  mere  sense  of  duty,  but  because 
the  grieved  conscience  can  only  find  rest  in  earthly  forgiveness. 
Here  the  children  are  the  glad  helpers,  and  as  they  grow  older, 
the  first  councillors,  making  a  little  house  of  peers  in  the  family 
plans.  Here  "  Papa "  is  not  only  the  supreme  authority,  but 
the  model  of  all  that  is  good,  wise,  or  noble,  the  prime  hero  of 
his  daughters'  imagination,  and  often  loved  by  them  (especially) 
with  a  deep  and  passionate  enthusiasm ;  while  "  !Mamma "  is 

K 


130  WOMANKIND. 

the  unquestioned  judge  and  arbitress  in  all  qnesHons  of  liome, 
the  comforter  in  all  griefs  or  pains,  the  intercessor  in  all  trouljles  ; 
one  in  heart  with  the  girls,  and  the  first  of  women  with  h<T 
young  sons, — whose  whole  notions  of  womankind  are  formed  on 
their  mothers  and  sifters. 

Such  homes  as  these  do  not  need  what  I  am  saying,  for  they 
have  their  guides.  Only  I  wouhl  beg  and  pray  all  parents 
whose  children  are  young,  not  for  present  ease  or  indulgence, 
sake  to  wa'-te  the  mutual  blesping  of  such  a  home,  or  to  get 
their  children  estranged  by  neglect,  or  spoilt  by  indulgence  in 
their  early  days ;  aud  above  all  to  keep  themselves  loved  and 
lespected. 

But  there  are  too  many  who  do  not  come  up — not  to  this 
ideal — ^but  to  this  reality — which,  Ihaiik  He-iven,  I  have  seen, 
and  intimately  known,  agiin  aud  again.  "Weakness,  neglect,  ill 
judgment,  and  ill  temper,  have  loosed  these  bands  of  love,  and 
the  young  people  feel  the  disadvantage,  and  are  in  difficulties. 
Sometimes  the  mother's  religious  standard  is  stricter  than  her 
daughter's,  and  yet  narrower.  This  is  most  apt  to  be  the  case 
when  the  girl  has  had  little  of  her  mother's  infhience  during  her 
education  ;  but  it  is  inevitable  that  each  generation  should  have 
somewhat  difTerent  views  of  life  from  the  last;  and  where  there 
is  much  difference  of  age  between  mother  and  chiki,  and  both 
are  peisons  with  much  of  the  spirit  of  their  time,  the  discordance 
is  often  strong. 

The  mother  crystallised  her  opinions  when  she  became  a  busy 
housewife,  the  daughter's  are  tliose  of  her  time.  She  despises 
her  mother's  quiet  meditations  and  homely  charities,  as  some- 
thing to  which  the  present  world  is  quite  superior.  She  believes 
the  one  to  be  mere  dreaming,  the  other  to  be  against  all  rules  of 
political  economy  ;  and  if  Mamma  holds  by  the  parish  Church, 
whatever  it  be,  and  loves  her  Prayer  book,  and  the  writers  that 
touched  her  inmost  soul,  the  daughter  seeks  the  most  exciting 
functions,  talks  of  Catholicity  and  piiudtive  usage,  and  has 
scornful  words  for  simple  piety.  If  the  mother  is  strong  and 
resolute,  the  girl  is  a  miu'muring  victim  in  her  own  eyes;  if 


PARENTS   AND    CHILDREN.  131 

INfamma  is  wpnlc  arid  gentle,  the  girl  talces  her  O'wn  way,  and 
makes  her  wretched,  unless  sometimes  the  father's  authority 
eomes  in.  And  thus  it  is  that  the  daughters  of  widows  are  a\)i 
to  be  the  most  undutiful,  reckless,  and  extreme  in  their  ways, 
of  all  young  ladies.  Sons  of  widows,  and  especially  eldest 
sons,  have  a  sense  of  protection,  which  makes  them  put  on 
manhood  early,  aud  become  noble  and  gentle  characters  in  their 
very  boyhood,  and  the  same  is  o^^ten  the  case  with  the  eldest 
daughters  of  widowers,  who  often  take  the  matron's  duties  on 
them  with  all  their  might ;  but  widows'  daughters  are  far 
too  apt  to  show  too  slight  a  regard  for  their  mother,  and  treat 
her  almost  as  an  equal  or  inferior,  while,  for  want  of  attention 
to  her  hints,  they  become  the  laughing-stock  and  the  sorrow  of 
their  friends. 

There  is  nothing  for  it  but  that  the  young  people  should 
make  it  their  strongest  and  most  decided  duty  to  bow  to  their 
parents'  wilL  Long  ago  St.  Paid  wrote,  "Let  them  learn  fir:-t 
to  show  piety  at  houe."  If  the  parents  will  not  or  cannot 
enforce  it,  still  the  children  must  pay  it  of  their  own 
accord. 

The  old  question  is  still  true,  "  "What  is  your  religion  ■woi'lh 
if  it  do  not  teach  you  to  honour  your  parents  1 " 

So  far  as  sons  are  conceined,  after  they  have  taken  their 
place  in  the  world,  and  founded  fresh  families,  they  must  cftm 
use  their  own  judgment,  and  when  they  take  Holy  Orders  they 
come  under  our  Lord's  special  call  to  His  ministers  to  be  ready  to 
forsake  father  or  mother  for  His  sake  and  the  Gospel's ;  but 
there  is  no  excuse  for  an  unmarried  daughter's  neglecting  her 
parents*  commands — and  she  must  especially  beware  of  fancying 
that  direct  call  to  the  ministry,  a  call  to  herself  to  luu  into  a 
self-chosen  way  of  life. 

When  the  parents,  going  on  the  principles  held  in  their  youth, 
shrink  from  dissipation  for  their  children,  and  think  certain 
amusements  wrong,  the  daughter's  duty  is  plain,  Avhatever  her 
convictions  may  be.  What  is  not  wrong  in  itself,  becomes 
wrong  for  her  the  instant  it  becomes  a  matter  of  Avilfulness  or 

K  2 


132  WOMANKIND. 

disnlDeclience.  If  she  disobeys,  or  extorts  permission,  she  can 
hardly  honestly  pray,  *'  Lead  us  not  into  temptation." 

So  again  with  the  intellectual  training  now  ofTered.  It  may 
be  a  prejudice  on  the  parents'  part  that  objects  to  it,  and  the 
girl  may  feel  the  deprivation  unreasonable  and  hard ;  but  no 
e.^aminalion,  no  lectures  are  worth  that  extorted  consent  which 
is  tantamount  to  a  prohibition  ;  and  quiet,  steady  home  per- 
severance will  be  blessed  in  its  stead. 

And  when  neither  intellectual  training,  love  of  variety,  nor 
even  the  calls  of  schools  and  poor  can  be  attended  to  without 
neglecting  tlie  comforts  and  jjleasure  of  elderly  parents,  the 
home  duty  is  the  prime  one.  Visiting  of  rich  and  poor  alike 
must  be  given  np  to  this.  Girls  should  not  be  continually 
staying  with  friends,  if  their  family  is  so  small  that,  their 
absence  leaves  their  mother's  day  lonesome,  their  father's 
evening  uncheered, 

Ilespectfulness  in  word  is  another  great  point.  Children 
who  have  been  allowed  to  call  their  parents  by  ridiculous 
names  find  it  hard  to  leave  off,  but  it  should  be  made  a 
principle  of  honour  to  use  the  parental  name  with  truly 
courteous  respect,  when  speaking  to  or  of  parents.  These 
tokens  form  the  mind  more  than  we  think,  and  as  to  wrang- 
lings,  contradictions,  or  di.^putings,  such  as  to  an  equal  would 
be  discourteous,  what  are  they  to  a  parent  1  Alas  I  that  it 
should  be  needful  to  go  over  such  ground. 

Young  people  may  laugh,  and  ask  if  we  wish  to  return  to  the 
days  when  the  Duke  of  Somerset  said  his  daughter's  undutiful- 
ness  had  broken  his  heart,  because  she  sat  down  while  he  was 
asleep  in  his  chair,  or  even  to  the  "sir  and  ma'am  "  of  our 
grandfathers.  No ;  but  what  is  the  only  way  to  make  house- 
holds happy,  or  to  bring  God's  blessing  on  high  or  Ioav,  is  that 
the  father  and  mother  should  be  "  loved,  honoured,  and 
succoured."  It  is  true  that  there  are  bounds  to  obedience — 
no  child,  is  justified  in  doing  what  he  knows  to  be  morally 
wrong  at  a  parent's  command,  nor  in  neglecting  a  direct 
religious  obligation.     A  daughter's  obedience  does  not  compel 


PAr.EXTS    AND    OniLDRE^T.  133 

her  to  marry  -where  she  does  not  love,  but  it  does  require  lier 
not  to  marry  without  her  parents'  consent,  even  when  she  lias 
the  legal  power  to  do  so.  Extraordinary  tyranny  overthrows 
general  rules,  and  here  and  there  temperaments  may  be  in(  ap- 
able  of  being  at  peace  together ;  but  in  all  ordinary  cases, 
though  there  may  be  difficulties  in  implicit  obedience,  yet  it  is 
the  certain  way  of  obeying  God ;  and  ojiposition  or  undutiful- 
ness  are  fatal  blots  in  a  Christian  character. 

They  are  the  peculiar  temptation  of  any  age  of  rapid  pro- 
gress, and  in  religious  matters  the  difficulty  is  often  increased 
by  the  requirements  of  devotional  books,  and  rules  that  startle 
the  minds  of  the  elder  generation ;  and  it  is  not  quite  certain 
that  the  reviewers  and  promoters  of  these  rules  always  do  attend, 
duly  to  the  rights  of  parents,  or  think  of  the  burthens  laid  on 
the  conscience  of  children.  Conscientious,  pious  parents, 
should  not  be  spoken  of  as  being  in  outer  darkness,  because, 
though  themselves  reverent  and  devout  at  the  Holy  Communion, 
they  never  heard  of  early  or  fasting  Communiuns,  and  dread 
them  for  their  child's  health. 

And  in  our  poor  judgment  the  case  seems  to  be  that  "obedi- 
ence is  better  than  sacrifice,"  and  that  no  Eucharists,  no  con- 
fessions, no  prayers  can  do  much  for  those  who  are  undutiful  iu 
their  way  of  seeking  them.  Non-essentials  must  give  way  to 
obedience,  and  the  difficulty  is,  where  lies  the  essential. 

Patient  waiting,  and  meek  obedience,  Avhenever  the  conscience 
is  not  at  stake,  win  the  way  at  last,  and  bring  a  blessing,  where 
a  struggle  would  have  driven  it  away.  But  for  most,  it  is 
merely  a  little  fret  or  annoyance,  when  temper,  courtesy,  and 
submission  are  all  that  is  wanting.  And  happy  is  the  daughter 
who  thus  wdns  full  confidence,  who  sometimes  gains  over  the 
parents'  hearts  from  this  world,  and  brings  her  religious  tiaining 
to  help  them.  Happy  is  she — even  if,  while  her  brothers  and 
Bisters  have  bright  homes,  she  remains  the  stay  and  support  of 
her  parents'  old  age,  giving  to  them  the  best  years  of  her  life 
ungrudgingly.  She  may  be  less  cared  for  by  the  world,  but 
God's  love  is  for  the  dutiful  child.    And  oh  !  above  all  beware  of 


134  WOMAXKIXD. 

setting  light  by  father  and  mother,  however  superior  yon  may 
tliink  yourself.  To  judge  by  all  God's  word  nothing  is  more 
hateful  in  Hi-  sight ;  ind  the  beginnings  of  the  sin  come  in 
idle  words,  following  the  fashion  of  the  day  in  pretending  to 
despise  authority,  and  in  selfish  neglect  of  parents'  pleasure, 
and  impatience  of  restraint. 

The  previous  papers  have  urged  to  devotion,  to  charity,  to 
employment ;  but  none  of  these  things,  save  the  actual  service 
to  God,  are  to  be  wei-Led  in  the  scale  with  "  piety  at  home." 
The  girl  who  will  not  sacrifice  her  own  pursuits  to  help  or 
amuse  her  mother,  and  who  refuses  to  play,  sing,  or  read  the 
paper  to  her  father  because  "  she  is  so  busy,"  is  beginning  a 
wrong  course,  however  plausible  her  excuse. 

I  do  not  mean  that  all  occupations  on  which  parents  do  not 
look  with  a  favourable  eye  should  be  given  up,  unless  there  is 
an  absolute  prohibition. 

If  there  be,  obedience  is  the  only  course ;  but  if  it  be  a 
matter  of  distaste,  or  want  of  comprehension,  or  distrust  of 
novelty,  and  if  the  daughter  be  thoroughly  dutiful,  acquiescence 
will  generally  be  granted,  if  she  is  perfectly  truthful,  and  yet  not 
obtrusive. 

Even  when  a  life  seems  to  be  spoilt  and  made  joyless  by  such 
obedience,  still  it  is  truly  earning  the  blessing  beyond  this 
world ;  but  the  real  truth  is  that  the  parents  are  much  oftener 
the  victims  than  the  children.  It  is  they  who  sacrifice  their 
comfort  and  happiness,  they  who  submit  to  neglect,  they  who 
are  dragged  into  expense,  and  endure  fatigue,  and  who,  too  often, 
are  rewarded  with  murmurs  and  disregard. 

Girls,  ought  this  to  be  ]  Ought  we  to  hear,  "  0  never  mind 
!Mamma,  she  will  not  care  "  1  Or,  "  Papa  is  cross,  but  I'll  have 
my  pleasure  !  "  or  mayhnp  some  eqiiivalent  in  ruder  slang,  to  bo 
heard  from  the  lips  of  a  Christian  maiden. 

The  poet  Gray  wrote  sadly  that  he  had  made  the  discovery 
that  we  can  have  but  one  mother.  We  all  make  it  sooner  or 
later,  if  our  lives  are  of  the  ordinary  length.  Oh  !  do  not  let 
the  discovery  be  made  among  pangs  of  shame  and  misery. 


BROTHERS   AND   SISTER3.  135 

Tleverence  your  parents.  Do  not  let  jonr  father  he  looked 
on  merely  as  purse-bearer,  fiom  whom  money  and  consent  are  to 
be  forced,  or  your  mother  as  tlie  slave  of  all  your  whims,  ths 
household  drudge,  who  bears  all  the  cares,  makes  the  contri- 
vances, does  what  no  o:ie  else  likes,  and  endures  to  be 
donimecied  over  ;  while  you  fancy  yourself  devout,  mtellectual, 
or  charitable,  or  gay.  Unless  you  bear  your  part  with  them, 
and  make  their  happiness  and  good  pleasure  your  prime  earthly 
object  so  long  as  you  are  a  daughter  at  home,  all  the  rest  is  utter 
hollowness.  Where  there  are  many  in  family  one  may  be  more 
needful  to  her  parents  than  the  others,  but  that  place  vucst  be 
tilled  by  some  one,  or  the  daughters  are  not  guiltless. 


CHAPTEE  XVIII. 

EROTnERS    AND    SISTERS, 


Sisters  anrl  brotliers  work  on  each  other  in  different  ways,  "but 
very  important  ones.  It  depends  partly  on  nursery  management, 
partly  on  disposition,  whether  the  elder  brother  starts  as  the 
tyrant  and  tormentor,  or  the  champion  and  fondler,  or  whether 
the  elder  sister  is  the  little  mother,  or  the  noisy,  disregarded 
opposer,  or  whether  the  two  children  nearly  of  an  age  are  allies 
or  wranglers. 

Temper  has  much  to  do  with  it.  Boys  have  generally  far 
more  of  the  animal  than  the  knight  about  them  before  they  are 
twelve  years  old,  and  their  instinct  is  to  feel  their  power  by 
exercising  it  on  the  weak,  so  that  a  whining,  fretful  girl  seems 
to  them  fair  play.  The  male  creature  almost  always  requires  to 
have  some  pretty  return  for  his  kindness,  and  a  little  sister  who 
has  not  the  grace  to  "  purr  when  she  is  pleased,"  and  cannot  be 
amusing,  has  not  much  chance  of  tenderness  from  an  elder 
brother  ;  nor  is  he  always  sensible  of  charms  in  her  that  delight 
other  people,  but  thinks  her  "  a  little  liumbug,"  and  feels  it  a 


136  WOMAN  KI^'D, 

sort  of  duty  to  pny  her  off  in  private  for  tlie  social  success  he 
thinks  undeserved. 

After  all,  this  does  not  make  much  difference  in  the  after 
relations  betv/een  them,  when  the  one  is  more  manly,  and  the 
other  has  more  self-command :  it  only  spoils  the  recollections  of 
childhood. 

There  is  sure  to  be  a  butt  in  every  lively  family,  on  -which  the 
others  expend  their  shafts  of  wit.  The  qualifications  for  it  are 
various.  Sometimes  stupidity  is  the  cause  of  it,  but  it  quite  as 
often  happens  that  the  cleverest  and  most  intellectual  of  the 
family  takes  that  post.  A  certain  simplicity  or  absence  of  mind, 
especially  coupled  with  good  humour,  are  the  chief  qualities  in 
such  a  target,  who  is  always  giving  occasion  for  those  family 
jokes  and  anecdotes  so  delightful  at  home.  And  if  the  s.iid 
butt  is  not  only  passive,  but  reflective,  and  can  laugh  at 
itself,  and  can  return  the  raillery,  it  becomes  a  charming 
institution,  and  is  often  the  best  loved  of  all,  sure  to  be 
mentioned  Avith  the  fond  prefix  of  "  old,"  or  "  poor." 

A  girl  is  geneially  the  butt,  for  though  brothers  and  sisters 
both  laugh  at  sisters,  and  brothers  use  their  brothers  for  the 
purpose,  the  sister  very  seldom  does  so ;  she  has  far  too  much 
respectful  love.  If  her  brother  is  dull,  she  is  too  tender  and 
too  much  grieved  to  joke  about  it,  and  will  feel  his  failures  far 
too  deeply  to  tease  him  about  them.  In  fact,  she  is  often  his 
guardian  spirit,  shielding  him — if  she  be  the  pet — learning  his 
lesson,  and  longing  to  impart  to  him  her  own  faculty  of  under- 
standing. 

In  a  family  where  the  sexes  are  mixed  with  tolerable  equality, 
all  the  middle  ones  find  their  level  accordirvg  to  their  powers, 
and  only  the  eldest  and  youngest  have  any  special  prerogatives 
of  position.  The  eldest,  if  a  girl,  is  bound  to  be  helpful  and 
motherly,  to  be  domestic  vizier  almost  as  soon  as  she  can  speak, 
and  to  be  an  authority  in  the  nursery — her  mother's  confidante 
and  right  hand.  Often  she  is  much  of  all  this,  but  therewith 
come  the  many  trials  of  the  lot.  She  has  to  keep  order  before 
she   has   weight   to   do  so,  and   when  her  endeavours  to  be 


BROTHERS   AND   SISTERS.  137 

imprepsive  are  received  witli  derision,  and  peace  can  only  "be 
preserved  by  sacrifices  of  her  own  property.  Yery  little  time 
is  left  her  for  her  own  pleasures  and  pursuits,  and  she  often  has 
more  than  half  the  cares  of  the  family  thrown  on  her.  There 
must  always  be  some  one  person  in  a  house  to  whose  lot  fall  the 
"  must  be  dones,"  and  this  is  nearly  sure  to  be,  if  not  mamma, 
the  eldest  or  the  second  daughter.  If  the  eldest  does  not  take 
this  post,  she  is  nearly  sure  to  be  a  self-asserting,  selfish  girl, 
taking  the  advantages  of  her  situation  without  attending  to  its 
claims  (unless,  indeed,  health  have  set  her  aside).  At  the  same 
time  the  helpful  girl  must  not  be  bustling,  rough,  or  domineer- 
ing, or  her  usefulness  becomes  disagreeable.  Unobtrusiveness 
must  accompany  her  readiness,  or  she  will  be  officious ;  and 
when  she  has  the  gift  of  keeping  order,  she  must  exercise  it 
with  real  kindness,  or  she  will  lose  the  love  and  confidence  of 
the  younger  ones.  A  hearty,  good-humoured  way  of  putting 
doAvn  a  row  will  do  no  harm,  while  *'  nagging "  or  airs  of 
superiority  alienate.  !Never  lose  your  temper,  and  always  be 
ready  to  be  laughed  at,  or  to  help  ;  and  tolerate  whatever  is 
only  trying  to  yourself.  If  you  can  do  this,  you  will  not  be 
wasting  your  strength  for  opposing  what  ought  not  to  be 
tolerated,  either  as  fiat  disobedience  to  authorities,  moral  wrong 
in  itself,  or  as  cruel  and  distressing  to  invalids,  little  ones, 
servants,  or  animals.  Never  give  way  to  what  is  absolutely 
wrong,  but  stretch  your  endurance  and  sympathy  to  the  utmost 
rather  than  lose  your  brother's  heart.  And  when  your  power  of 
arresting  mischief  snaps,  the  old  Iloratian  rule  of  not  being  too 
lavish  of  the  Deus  ex  macJund  applies  to  appeals  to  parents. 
Never  say  that  if  such  a  thing  is  done,  you  will  tell,  if  you 
ever  let  yourself  be  teased,  bullied,  or  worked  upon  not  to  per- 
form your  threat.  Your  word  must  be  kept,  however  dreadful 
to  yourself  and  the  victims,  and  the  misery  of  the  thing  will 
hinder  you  from  giving  it  lightly. 

A  sister  can  do  much  to  keep  her  brother  within  bounds  if 
she  has  his  thorough  love  and  trust,  and  can  sympathize  with 
him  heartily,  ministtring  to  all  his  innocent  pleasures  as  his 


138  WOMANKIND. 

•willing  j^lave,  but  standing  resolute  if  there  he  a  spice  of  evil  in 
them.  Xever  should  she  favour  any  disobedience,  or  connive  at 
anything  dishonourable  towards  her  parents  ;  it  is  doing  nothing 
but  harm.  Yet  it  is  mischievous  as  well  as  hateful  to  be  tale- 
bearer as  to  every  escapade  of  a  holiday  schoolboy,  and  the 
light  medium  seems  to  be  to  abstain  from  all  participation  in  or 
profit  through  the  escapade,  to  protest  against  it,  and  though  not 
volunteering  information,  to  refuse  concealment  in  case  of  inter- 
logatiou,  because  of  the  impossibility  of  a  falsehood.  To  keep 
up  a  stmdard  of  real  honour,  above  schoolboy  honour,  is  most 
needful. 

In  fact,  brothers  and  sisters  are  designed  to  help  one  another. 
The  boy,  with  his  greater  and  wider  experience,  and  deeper  and 
more  thorough  way  of  studying,  and  manly  common  sense,  is 
able  to  see  through  the  sister's  little  enthusiasms,  and  to  put 
them  to  that  severe  trial,  "  ridicule,  the  test  of  truth."  Often 
it  will  not  be  done  gently,  but  it  is  a  very  useful  crucible.  Boys 
are  apt  to  be  jealous  of  anything  that  engrosses  their  sisters  to 
the  exclusion  of  their  lordly  selves,  and  to  have  a  stiong  love  of 
teasing,  which  inspires  banter  afier  they  have  grown  too  old  for 
the  bodily  tortures  to  which  they  put  their  little  sisters. 

In  boyhood,  the  Tartar  is  apt  to  be  near  the  surface  without 
any  scratching,  and  the  girl,  if  sound  in  health  and  spirits,  can 
stand  it,  and  thus  earn  for  herself  power  of  endurance,  and  a 
certain  respect  and  confidence  even  from  the  bullying  brother. 
Not  that  I  am  advocating  bullying.  Parents  and  authorities 
should  denounce  and  punish  it  sternly  as  cruel  and  cowardly ; 
but  where  it  is  not  pieventible,  I  am  only  trying  to  show  the 
victiuis  how  to  make  the  best  of  it  by  good-humoured  endurance. 
If  they  complain  on  their  own  account,  their  influence  is  lost ; 
if  they  endure,  there  is  every  hope  for  them  when  their  tyrant 
grows  into  a  reasonable  being,  and  for  savagery  substitutes  a 
certain  stern  chivalry,  insisting  on  his  s-ister's  coming  up  to  his 
idea  of  the  perfect  lady,  and  generally  it  is  a  very  reasonable 
one.  He  wants  to  be  proud  of  his  sister,  and  though  liking  her 
to  be  "up  to  everything"  in  coar.ige  or  dexterity,  is  resolved 


BSOTHERS   AND   SISTERS.  139 

that  it  sLall  ha  all  in  a  ladylike  way,  and  is  dctertLined  to  Iiave 
lier  refined  and  well  dressed,  Ilis  criticisms  in  tliis  way  are 
generally  very  useful;  in  fa'.t,  whatever  nonsensos  he  may  have 
of  his  own,  ho  is  very  clear-sighted  as  to  her  nonsenses.  Some- 
times he  is  wrong,  as  when  he  resents  devotional  exercises, 
gelf-denials,  or  charities.  They  bad  better  not  be  obtruded  on 
him  3  and  a  non-essential  should  be  good-naturedly  given  up  to 
him — i.e.,  a  Communion  or  a  Sunday-moriiitig  service,  never ; 
but  a  week-day  attendance  often  had  better  be  left  undone  rather 
than  not  be  with  him  in  some  amusement,  which  respect  for  his 
sister  will  render  innocent ;  and  even  on  a  Sunday  aiternoon  or 
evening,  it  seems  to  me  that  when  he  will  not  be  brought  to 
Church,  and  asks  his  sister  to  walk  with  him  or  sing  to  him,  she 
will  be  better  employed  in  giving  him  her  presence  and  sympathy 
than  in  going  to  Church,  and  leaving  him  to  the  thoughtless 
companions  whom  her  prt- sence  will  keep  aloof. 

When  she  is  taking  nitre  activity  and  occupation  in  religious 
iriatters  'for  real  religion,  he  will  often,  while  shocking  her  by 
dislike  to  these  doings,  be  far  deeper  and  more  real  in  his  feelings 
than  hfrself.  Very  likely,  though  he  goes  to  fewer  services,  and 
likes  them  much  less  than  she  does,  it  is  because  he  pays  a  much 
stronger  and  more  real  attention  to  them,  and  has  a  deeper 
reverence,  which,  while  it  is  fretted  by  the  gestures,  that  shock 
his  reserve  and  seem  absurd  to  him,  will  not  permit  him  to  be 
present  at  what  he  feels  he  cannot  attend  or  respond  to  with  all 
his  soul.     He  is,  from  his  training,  more  thorough  than  she. 

Not  for  a  moment  would  I  actpiiesce  in  the  sort  of  under- 
standing prevalent  on  the  Continent  and.  in  some  English 
families,  that  the  women  are  the  religious  part  of  the  com- 
munity, who  have  to  push,  pull,  and  dr.ig  tin  ir  mankind  into 
as  much  as  they  will  endure  for  i/ieh-  sakes.  Ko,  indeed. 
Ever  since  the  world  began  the  man  has  been  called  on  to  serve 
God,  and  no  woman  should  voluntarily  en'er  a  house  without  a 
religious  man  at  the  head  of  it ;  ai.d,  if  born  in  such  a  house, 
her  jirayers,  her  example,  and  her  ellorts  should  never  cease  to 
tndiavour  to  win  those  connected  with  her  to  God.    I  am  rather 


140  WOMANKIND. 

thinl<irg  of  those  homes  where  the  b  >3'3  and  girls  have  been 
traiued  together  till  school-days,  and  in  their  afti-r-times,  when 
on  the  bounds  of  youth,  the  religious  habits  which  are  second 
nature  to  the  girls,  seera  irksome  to  the  creatures  in  whom  the 
animal  spirits  are  wilder,  and  who  are  impatient  alike  of 
restraint  or  unreality. 

Unreality ;  yes,  that  is  the  point.  What  is  humbug  and  self- 
deceit  in  you,  the  brother  will  dct-ct,  even  though  it  be  per- 
fectly unconscious  on  your  own  part.  If  your  righteousness 
have  anything  of  the  Pharisee  in  it,  if  it  is  outward  ritual 
alone,  withont  good  temper,  kindness,  dufifulnes^,  and,  perfect 
truth,  he  will  see  it,  and  think  your  faults  the  faults  of  your 
profession.  Whereas — though  even  you  be  far  from  perfect — 
if  he  perceives  that  your  religious  feelings  are  sincere  in  making 
you  struggle  with  your  faults,  and  that  they  tell  on  your 
whole  family  conduct,  then  he  will  respect  them  and  you,  and 
be  far  more  likely  to  share  them,  and  to  adopt  your  standard  of 
right. 

And  a  high-minded  good  brother  is  an  unspeakable  blessing. 
Often  education  throws  the  men  of  a  family  under  religious 
influences  far  superior  to  what  the  giils  meet  at  home.  They 
may  meet  at  school,  the  University,  or  in  London,  with  the 
leading  spirits  of  the  Church,  and  the  training  of  their  parents 
at  home  may  be  carried  on  by  more  deep  and  far-reaching 
instruction.  Then  their  sisters  have  nothing  to  do  but  gladly 
to  reap  the  benefit  of  their  guidance. 

"Or  if  before  thee  iu  the  race 
Urge  him  with  thme  advancing  tread," 

may  be  said  to  them,  and  the  fraternal  bond  becomes  infinitely 
more  close  and  precious.  There  are  sympathy  and  help  on  both 
sides,  and  the  two  draw  one  another  upwards,  and  work  to- 
gethar,  share  their  books  and  thoughts,  and  have  one  hope. 
Then  the  sister  can  throw  herself  into  her  brother's  projects, 
and  have  her  mind  opened  to  far  more  than,  left  to  herself,  she 
would  ever  have  thought  of. 


BROTHERS   AND   SISTERS.  141 

ITicse  are  the  truly  happy  families  ;  such  affections  are  the 
really  deep  ones.  ^Natural  love  goes  far;  and  even  for  an 
unworthy  brother  many  a  good  girl  will  feel  intense  affection, 
helping  him  with  his  lessons,  shielding  him  in  his  scrapes,  and 
sometimes  sacrificing  her  whole  life  to  him.  How  many  maid- 
servants and.  governesses  have  some  horse-leech  brother,  who 
consumes  their  savings,  and  often,  when  dissipation  has  ended 
his  days,  his  children  remain  to  be  their  charge,  I  "will  not  say 
their  drag,  for  ofien  requital  and  comfort  come  from  them.  If 
Sv-lf-sacrihce  were  really  a  misfortune,  the  spectacle  would  be  a 
sad  one,  but  happily  it  is  the  glory  of  thtir  lives.  And  as  long 
as  a  man  can  believe  in  a  good  woman,  mother,  wife,  or  sister,  a 
cord  is  near  for  pulling  him  out  of  the  mire. 

The  trial  of  the  sister's  love  is  that  iu  the  course  of  nature, 
it  does  not  remain  the  prime  love  of  the  entire  life.  It  is 
everything  tiU  youth  sets  in,  and  then  it  is  set  aside  for  other 
loves,  and  the  sister  has  to  take  an  inferior  place;  yes,  and 
acquiesce  and  symp.thize  when  her  heart  is  sore  at  sense  of 
neglt-ct,  and  she  is  tempted  to  be  most  jealous  and  mo-t  critical, 
and  cannot  believe  man  or  woman  to  be  worthy  of  her  idoL 

She  must  bear  it.  The  more  she  can  divest  herself  of  per- 
sonal feeling  and  go  along  with  the  new  current,  the  better  it 
will  be  for  her,  and  she  may  have  a  double  love,  more  in 
quantity,  though  not  the  same  in  quality,  to  make  up  for  what 
she  loses.  But  if  she  shows  the  least  jealousy,  or  is  a  hard 
critic  of  the  new  comer,  she  is  making  a  rift  which  will  widen, 
and  she  must  always  bear  in  mind  that  the  wife  has  the  para- 
mount right,  and  that  any  attenipt  to  meddle  with  her  claims 
over  the  brother  is  treason. 

There  is  less  danger  in  the  case  of  a  s'ster's  husband,  because 
women  get  on  more  easily  with  men  than  women,  and  because 
sisters  have  more  common  ground  even  after  one  is  married. 
The  single  sister  can  be  the  devoted  handmaid  of  the  mairied 
one,  with  great  benefit  to  both,  and  without;  exciting  any 
jealousies,  unless  she  is  more  than  ordinarily  foolish  or  exacting 
Besides,  owing  to  the  much-talked-of  redundancy  of  females. 


142  WOMANKIND. 

sisters  often  romfiin  tTie  first  with  each  other  thronj^h  life,  Van 
on  one  anothtr,  suH'tr  and  rojoice  together,  an'l  preserve  tlie 
Fame  relative  position  with  which  they  started  as  soon  as  their 
age  brought  them  on  such  an  equality  that  force  of  charaoter 
could  assert  itself.  One  remains  leader  and  originator,  house- 
keeper and  manager ;  the  other  is  her  complement  for  life,  and 
the  tie  is  never  loosened. 

How  needful  this  malces  it  to  beware  of  evil  habits  of 
domineering,  wrangling,  or  showing  temper.  How  often  has  it 
been  said  that  some  families  will  behave  better  to  anyone  than 
to  those  they  love  best !  Fatnily  courtesy  is  almost  a  test  of 
the  honesty  of  our  principles,  f  )r  where  thf^re  is  leist  restraint 
our  true  selves  are  shown.  Children  scream  and  struggle  it 
out,  sulk  in  a  corner,  or  give  a  blow  ;  the  stronger  get  their 
own  vay,  then  relent  when  the  weaker  sutTer.  And  when  they 
are  of  larger  growth,  no  scheme,  no  party  can  be  settled  without 
snarling  words,  cross  innuendoes,  whining  complaints,  till  very 
olten  the  worst  tempered  gets  his  or  her  own  way,  because  of 
the  certainty  that  only  so  is  there  any  chance  of  peace. 

In  truth,  giving  up  ought  to  be  taurjht,  and  wrangling  put 
down  in  such  early  life  that  it  should  seem  as  impossible  as 
l}ing  or  stealing;  but  many  persons  are  allowed  to  grow  up 
without  such  training,  and  to  them  I  would  earnestly  say, 
Make  rules  of  sisterly  charity  and  peace,  and  treat  their  trans- 
gression as  serious  sins  to  be  repented  of  and  confessed.  Such, 
I  mean,  as  contradicting  elders — yes,  or  equals — pressing 
forward  your  scheme — objecting  to  or  sneering  at  those  of 
others,  being  out  of  tamper  in  your  own  peculiar  fashion,  if 
you  do  not  get  exactly  the  plan  or  the  place  you  want — making 
grievances. 

Some  people  have  the  spirit  of  objection  or  contradiction  so 
strongly  that  they  never  at  first  sight  like  what  is  proposed. 
They  had  better  hold  their  tongues  and  consider,  to  find  out 
whether  they  are  in  the  right,  or  merely  objecting.  And  when 
a  scheme  is  on  foot,  it  is  hard  to  have  tiresome  people  intruded, 
or  your  special  favourites  excluded  by  some  contemptuous  vote ; 


BROTHERS    AND   SISTERS.  143 

or  to  he  put  into  the  wrong  boat  or  carriage ;  or  to  be  dragged 
on  when  you  want  to  sketcii  or  botanise.  But  if  you  put  self 
out  of  the  way,  you  will  get  a  very  fair  amount  of  enjoyment 
after  all ;  and  if  self  is  in  the  way,  however  cockered,  it  will 
spoil  all  your  pleasure.  The  parable  about  the  uppermost  rooms 
applies  as  much  to  pleasure  as  to  pride.  Those  who  may  have 
to  live  together  through  life  must  learn  to  give  up  to  one 
another ;  and  even  if  their  course  is  to  be  different,  how  much 
better  it  would  be  to  have  undimraed  recollections  of  delights 
enjoyed  in  common,  than  of  tlie  struggles  and  the  frets 
accompanying  and  spoiling  all ! 

The  single  sister  may  be  the  resource  of  the  widowed  or 
di-^appointed  sister,  and  sometimes  the  choicest  tie,  that  with 
Ihe  brother,  lasts  through  life.  He  has  perhaps  been  dis- 
appointed, and  has  come  back  again  to  the  old  covfidante,  who 
has  the  home  recollections  that  no  one  else  can  share,  and  who 
fills  up  the  void  as  far  as  any  woman  can.  The  tender  pro- 
tection often  lasts  even  when  the  brother  has  a  home  of  his 
own,  and  the  sister  nestles  in  or  beside  it.  It  is  well  for  her  if 
she  have  done  nothing  to  lower  or  forfeit  that  bit  ssed  love — a 
love  not  only  for  earth,  but  for  Heaven — the  love  sanctified  by 
our  great  Elder  Brother. 

One  more  thing  I  would  mention  in  the  sisterly  relation.  The 
eldest  sister  is  often  an  excellent  mother  to  the  little  ones,  but 
rough  and  peremptory  with  those  nearer  to  her.  unless  they 
happen  to  fit  in  with  her  own  character ;  and  they  are  often 
unwilling  to  give  way  to  her.  Now,  the  only  way  to  peace  is 
for  seniority  to  have  its  rights  most  distinctly  acknowledged, 
and  yet  to  be  very  forbearing  in  enforcing  them.  The  younger 
girls  should  always  own  that  their  elder  has  the  choice  and  the 
command,  but  she  should  be  gracious  and  willing  to  yield  to 
their  tastes  and  wishes.  When  she  is  made  governess,  her 
power  should  be  exactly  defined,  and  she  should  use  it  with 
steadiness;  never  going  beyond  it,  however  provoked.  As  to 
this  matter  of  teaching  young  ones,  it  seerus  to  me  that  it 
would  be  much  better  if  it  were  oftener  done  by  elder  sisters. 


H4-  WOMANKIND. 

Of  course,  if  tlioy  are  devoid  of  g«tod  scnso  and  stoadino??,  they 
cauuot  do  it:  but  "Oh,  I  hate  teaching;"  "T!io  little  onea 
would  not  mind  nio  ;"  "I  have  no  patience  ;"  or  the  false  but 
sentimental  excuse,  "  Children  never  love  the  person  who  teaches 
them,"  are  very  poor  reasons  for  not  returning  to  one's  family 
the  benefits  of  one's  own  education.  As  to  the  confinement 
and  the  regularity,  they  are  exactly  what  is  most  useful  to  the 
character,  and  the  thoroughness  and  grounding  are  what  the 
studies  need  to  deepen  them.  A  girl  who  will  give  her  mind  to 
teaching,  and  force  herself  ti  patience  and  good  temper,  is 
binding  her  young  sisters  closi-r  to  her  and  doing  far  more  good, 
because  the  work  can  be  so  much  more  complete,  than  by 
running  after  works  outside  her  house.  She  must  allow  no 
liberties  over  the  lessons  while  she  is  acting  governess,  but  after 
them  let  her  be  heartily  the  sister. 

Eldest  daughters  of  a  motherless  family  are  often  most 
excellent  towards  the  children  when  they  are  little,  but  find 
it  difficult  to  perceive  when  their  sisters  grow  out  of  childhood 
and  are  on  an  equality,  and  try  tliem  much  by  unreasonably 
prolonging  their  tutelage  and  keeping  them  back.  It  is  not 
exactly  jealousy,  but  a  certain  pleasure  in  possessing  power  and 
the  habit  of  importance,  and  they  ought  to  strive  against  it ; 
while  the  younger  ones  should  remember  that  the  eldest  sister 
at  home  must  always  remain  the  head,  and  be  deferred  to.  She 
i^  prima  inter  pares,  when  all  ore  on  a  level  of  age,  and  this 
ought  to  be  frankly  owned  on  all  sides,  if  for  no  other  reason 
than  to  prevent  jangles ;  but  let  her  be  most  courteous  and 
considerate,  and  bear  lier  honours  meekly.  If  a  younger  one 
purpass  her  in  any  attractive  quality,  she  mu-'t  meet  it  gene- 
rouhly,  and  ttike  pleasure  in  her  sister's  success — yes,  even  if 
she  seem  to  be  more  her  father's  companion.  T\ivalry  and 
iealousy  are  the  most  terrible  of  all  foes  to  sisterly  love.  Let 
them  never  be  spoken  of  lightly,  or  treated  as  a  kind  of 
evidence  of  fine  feelings.  They  are  hateful  passions,  de- 
ftruetive  of  all  good,  and  should  be  prayed  and  struggled 
against  as  belonging  to  the  s]iiiit  of  Cuiu. 


lEIENDSUIP.  145 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

FRIENDSHIP. 

FniENDsnirs  arc  very  sweet  when  tlioy  have  j^rown  with  onr 
growth  and  strengthened  with  our  strength.  Happy  the 
children  who  liave  gathered  bluebells  together  in  the  woods, 
and  confided  little  plans  to  each  other  in  almost  infancy, 
discussed  their  favourite  heroes  of  history,  and  wandered  over 
life  in  long  scrambling  Avalks  or  cosy  nooks  in  girlhood,  and 
brushed  their  hair  at  night  in  deeper  convers  itions  as  they  grew 
older.  They  may  drift  apart  in  after  life,  but  they  have  a  fund 
of  precious  recollections,  ever  green,  and  a  love  for  one  another 
that  nothing  can  break. 

It  is  quite  possible  that  their  original  characters  may  be 
such  that  if  they  had  only  met  in  after  life  they  would  never 
have  made  friends;  but  having  begun  from  mere  contact,  they 
go  on,  and  are  perhaps  more  helpful  to  one  another  than  if 
they  had  chosen  each  other  from  the  first. 

Some  people  do  not  approve  of  childish  friendships,  and 
think  that  children  of  different  families  only  make  one  another 
naughty,  and  that  girls  gossip  folly  and  write  nonsense.  I  can 
only  say  that  such  mothers  can  never  have  had  a  real  chiLl 
friend  of  their  own.  Indeed  where  sisters  are  nearly  of  the 
same  age,  and  of  dispositions  that  Jit  into  one  another,  they  do 
not  want  external  friends ;  and  large  families  sometimes  cling 
together  and  contemn  all  outsiders  as  inrerruptions,  if  no  worse ; 
but  this  is  not  universal,  and  often  while  one  pair  of  sisters 
hang  together,  sufficing  one  another,  and  quite  inseparable, 
another  girl  in  the  same  family  is  left  to  solace  herself  with  a 
friend,  and  would  be  forlorn  Avithout  her. 

As  long  as  a  mother  has  her  daughter's  confidence,  and  chooses 
well  the  families  with  whom  to  be  intimate,  there  is  no  reason- 
able fear  of  harm  being  taught ;  and  as  to  correspondence,  the 
children  may  wa^te  tjjiie  and  write  nonsense,  but  no  one  Avill  ever 


140  WOMANKIND. 

write  an  easy  pleasant  letter  in  after  life  who  hns  not  acquired 
the  art  of  lively  use  of  the  pen ;  and  if,  as  is  usual,  the  letter  ia 
the  family  show,  there  cannot  be  harm  in  it.  Slill  it  ought 
to  be  the  rule  that  only  girl  friends  should  be  written  to — not 
boys,  except  brothers.  It  is  much  safer  both  in  childhood  and 
later  to  exclude  even  cousins.  As  to  the  showing  of  letters, 
when  the  child  begins  to  outgrow  the  triumphant  delight  of 
asking  eveiy  one  all  lound  the  house  to  read  the  great  despatch, 
the  wisest  way  is  to  live  in  confidenco  and  honour.  The 
mother  should  read  all  interesting  portions  of  the  letters  she 
receives  to  the  rest  of  the  family,  and  the  giils  will  imitate  her, 
and  generally  bring  their  letters  to  her  as  Wiinting  her  sympathy, 
and  having  no  secrets  from  her.  She  can  safely  tell  them  that 
if  their  friends  object  to  this,  they  cannot  be  go(.d  friends;  but 
as  they  grow  older,  some  discretion  and  consideration  become 
needful.  A  brother  will  sometimes  confide  to  a  sister  what  he 
will  not  tell  his  parents;  and  all  hope  of  good  influence  would 
be  lost  if  he  knew  his  letter  would  be  public  property.  Or  a 
friend  may  have  to  tell  what  it  would  not  be  honourable  to 
disclose.  Thus  after  the  girl  has  become  formed  enough  to 
deserve  trust,  it  should  be  understood  that  she  has  the  right  to 
keep  back  any  part  of  her  correspondence  that  she  may  choose. 

Indeed,  some  natures  are  so  much  more  reserved  than  others, 
that  what  seems  to  one  only  kind  sympathy  appears  to  another 
ollensive  curiosity,  and  they  must  be  dealt  with  accordingly ; 
though  the  tendency  that  some  girls  have  of  making  friendship 
consist  in  whispering  secrets  about  nothing  cannot  too  soon  be 
laughed  at  and  censured. 

A  mother  can  and  should  have  her  daughter's  fullest  and 
deepest  confidence,  but  she  cannot  be  quite  instead  of  a  friend 
to  her,  because  there  is  a  certain  equality  required  in  friendship. 
What  the  girl  wants  is  not  a  wise  counsellor,  but  rather  a  play- 
fellow to  share  the  ebullition  of  her  youthful  spirits,  and  a 
kindred  spirit  Avho  can  look  at  the  -world  from  the  same  point 
of  view,  with  hopes  and  fears,  guesses  and  fancies,  like  her 
own.     Her  mother  has  tried  it  all — it  is  not  new  to  her  ;  but 


PRIENDSniP,  147 

the  friend  sees  with  the  same  eyes,  and  a  little  bit  of  experience 
gained  by  one  iu  advance  is  a  delightful  addition  to  the  stock 
of  common  ideas. 

Some  friendsliips  are  drawn  close  by  a  sharing  of  pursuits. 
Studious  and  intelligent  girls  have  very  happy  discussions  over 
their  opinions  and  their  favourite  characters,  and  when  they 
have  a  turn  for  romance  (in  its  high  sense)  they  live  in  a  world 
of  chivalry.  Or  who  does  not  recollect  the  Sunday  evenings  of 
comparison  of  taste  in  hymns,  and  puzzles  over  passages  in  the 
Ch7-istian  Year  9  And  when  the  affection  is  really  valuable, 
there  will  be  deep  and  earnest  discussions,  clearing  the  mind  of 
difficulties  by  mutual  hel[),  and  working  out  theories  or  entering 
on  all  the  questions,  trite  and  vexed  to  elders,  but  new  to  the 
young.  These  are  the  "  blissful  dreams  in  seciet  shared,  serene 
or  solemn,  gay  or  bold,"  that  "  last  in  fancy  unimpaired,"  and 
which  are  some  of  our  most  diilightful  memori(  s. 

Fiiendship  has  the  highest  sanction.  Love,  ;is  it  has  been 
well  noted,  deepens  and  intensifies  by  being  exercised  on  those 
in  immediate  contact.  It  is  a  mistake  to  think  that  shallow- 
ni'ss  enables  it  to  spread  wider,  or  that  the  glow  is  less  diffused 
for  being  warmest  near  the  centre.  lie.  Whose  Love  is  universal 
hail  one  friend  above  all,  and  gave  His  human  affection  to  those 
who  were  with  Him  ;  and  His  type  and  forefather  after  the 
flesh  wins  our  hearts  by  that  noble  and  unselfish  friendship 
which  has  been  a  proverb  through  all  time. 

It  has  been  said  that  women  are  less  capable  of  real  friendship 
than  men,  and  certainly  historical  friendships  such  as  existed 
between  even  Greeks  of  the  higher  type,  do  not  appear  to  have 
been  known  amongst  women  ;  but  this  is  because  woman  in  her 
degraded  state,  uneducated,  and  only  her  husband's  foremost 
slave,  was  incapable  of  more  than  gossip  and  livalry  with  her 
fellow-women.  Friendsliip  could  not  begin  till  woman  was 
refined  and  elevated,  and  then  her  first  friendships  were  with 
men,  such  as  that  of  Paula  with  St.  Jerome.  It  requires  that 
the  woman  should  have  a  mind  and  soul  going  beyond  the 
actual  interests  of  dress,  marriage  and  family,  in  order  to  have 

L  2 


148  <rOMANKIND. 

substance  onongb  to  make  a  real  friendship  with  man  ot  woman. 
If  she  have  not,  it  is  in  girlhood  mere  tittering  and  chattering 
in  a  corner;  in  maidenhood,  petty  gabble  about  dress  and 
lovers — often  jealous  and  always  foolish ;  in  later  Hfe,  either 
scandal  or  the  baby  and  cook  stories  that  are  supposed  to 
prevail  over  tea-tables,  "Woman  will  talk,  and  talk  to  her  like, 
but  one  woman  will  have  a  gossip  while  the  other  will  have  a 
friend. 

And  it  is  the  early  years  of  youfh  and  character  making 
which  decide  whether  the  playfellow  sliall  grow  into  the  friend, 
and  in  which  fresh  companions  are  gathered,  and  assimilate  into 
friends,  whose  origin  has  still  the  brightness  of  the  golden  age ; 
the  link,  as  Eugene  de  Gudrin  says,  may  still  be  of  garlands. 

These  friends  are  ma('e  more  by  choice  than  by  contact,  like 
those  of  childhood.  Iwo  or  three  families  of  cousins  or 
neighbours  will  pair  in  and  out  according  to  their  idiosyncrasies, 
their  likenesses  or  dissimilarities,  finding  sympathy  for  the 
difi'erent  needs  of  their  natures.  Or  a  friendship  will  begin 
between  two  widely  divided  in  age,  whi-re  the  fond  and  devoted 
allegiance  on  the  one  t^ide  is  all  thr.t  can  be  given  at  the  time 
in  return  for  sympathy,  guidance,  and  assistance  often  most 
precious. 

It  is  hardly  possible  to  give  advice  about  making  friends. 
They  come,  and  we  become  knit  together  for  joy  and  mutual 
aid,  and  also  for  pain.  We  cannot  give  our  hearts  without 
giving  them  for  grief.  Love  must  have  its  passion.  "When  we 
really  make  friends,  we  take  on  ourselves  a  share  of  all  their 
perplexities  and  troubles  and  sorrows  ;  and  unless  our  affnction 
has  grown  cold,  parting  and  pain  and  death  must  wring  one 
heart  or  the  other. 

Thus  far  it  is  safe  to  counsel.  Do  not  be  drawn  into  a 
friendship  by  adulation  or  flattery.  If  you  have  any  little 
advantages  of  wealth  or  position,  and  a  person  disapproved  by 
your  family,  or  your  better  sense,  tries  to  become  a  hanger- 
on  by  admiration  of  what  nobody  else  honestly  approves,  or  by 
futotering  what   you  know  to  be  unadvisable  and  underhand, 


FRIENDSHIP.  140 

steer  clear  of  her  as  a  tempter.  Again,  if  one  less  well  ofF 
than  yourstlf  is  outspoken  and  honest  in  her  criticisms  of  you, 
and  will  by  no  means  condone  your  faults  and  follies,  you 
may  safely  trust  her  as  an  honourable  friend,  likely  to  do 
you  good. 

Or,  if  you  be  the  less  well  endowed,  be  careful  that  yon  do 
not  deceive  yourself  as  to  the  attraction  on  the  other  side  ;  and 
take  care  that  you  do  not  suppress  your  real  opinion  for  the  sake 
of  the  lift  in  the  pony-carriage,  the  invitation  to  the  party,  or 
the  mere  honour  of  intimacy  at  the  great  house.  These  things 
sound  so  mean  that  it  is  an  insult  to  be  cautioned  against  them  ; 
tut  there  is  a  certain  glamour  in  the  pleasure  of  intercourse  with 
grandees,  and  something,  too,  in  the  ease  of  their  manner, 
which  does  sometimes  hinder  those  as>ociated  with  them  from 
knowing  in  themselves  that  toadying  temper  they  would 
condemn  in  the  abstract.  If  the  world  do  not  come  in  and 
spoil  it,  I  do  not  myself  see  any  harm  in  what  is  called  an 
unequal  friendship.  It  is  not  unequal  if  the  two  minds  and 
soiils  really  chime  together,  and  if  there  is  fair  giving  and 
taking  of  counsel  on  either  side — no  patronage  on  the  one  side, 
no  cringing  on  the  other ;  and  it  has  this  great  advantage,  that 
it  spares  both  sides  from  narrowness  by  giving  the  one  an 
insight  into  the  class  feelings  of  the  other,  and  preventing 
them  from  being  utterly  alien  to  her. 

The  really  unequal  friendship  is  where  one  side  is  the  "better" 
in  age,  in  experience,  in  mental  endowments,  and  then  the 
interchange  of  sentiments  is  of  infinite  value  to  the  inferior  in 
these  respects,  who  seems  to  have  nothing  to  give  but  her 
devotion  and  her  little  services,  but  who  really  gives  the 
freshness  of  her  unjaded  mind,  and  an  opening  of  the  doors 
of  sympathy  with  the  younger  generation,  while  she  hertclf 
wins  the  benefit  of  support  and  aid  in  her  own  difficulties,  and 
assistance  in  knowing  and  forming  herself  such  as  can  hardly  be 
appreciated  by  those  who  have  not  felt  it. 

Mutual  understanding  seems  to  be  the  ground-work  of  friend- 
ship.    Young  people  are  apt  to  think  they  have  met  with  such 


150  WOMANKIND. 

comprcliension  on  over-slight  grounds,  and  to  link  themselvea 
together  with  an  eagerness  that  may  slacken.  In  fact,  every 
friendship  has  after  the  very  first,  a  time  of  proof  and  trial. 
After  finding  where  they  agree,  people  have  to  find  out  where 
they  disagree,  and  whether  the  disagreement  he  such  as  to 
hinder  them  from  the  necessary  sympathy  with  each  other. 
Then  there  is  to  come  the  trial  of  confidence,  and  whether  each 
side  can  trust  the  other,  or  is  worthy  of  trust.  The  power  of 
keeping  a  secret  has  to  be  tested.  Absolute  secrets  are  not 
so  very  many,  and  it  is  easy  to  know  what  to  do  about  them ; 
but  one  use  of  a  friendship  is  to  be  able  to  talk  over  impressions 
or  perplexities  that  it  would  not  be  well  to  publish  ;  and  judg- 
ment has  to  be  continually  used  as  to  what — without  being 
absolutely  sacred — it  would  be  unkind,  treacherous,  or  inexpedient 
to  repeat  to  some  person,  though  it  might  not  be  so  to  another. 
Those  who  cannot  exercise  such  discretions  are  not  lit  to  be 
friends,  and,  though  they  may  be  pleasant  companions,  cannot 
be  more. 

Again,  a  person  who  is  full  of  frivolity  and  idleness  must  be 
kept  in  check  ;  and  those  who  actually  tempt  to  disobedience  to 
parents,  disregard  of  principle,  or  contempt  of  religion — either 
in  priictice,  faith,  or  observances, — should  be  given  up  as  a  duty. 
If  a  parent  have  a  strong  dislike  or  disapproval  of  a  daughter's 
friend,  it  is  a  mutter  of  right  to  give  up  the  intercourse  ;  but 
girls  often  get  into  trouble  with  brothers  by  open-mouthed 
vehemence  about  friends.  The  boys  have  a  certain  amount  of 
family  jealousy  and  love  of  tea-^ing,  and  greatly  resent  being 
bored  with  too  much  mention  of  their  sibter's  friend,  unless  they 
adopt  and  engross  her  themselves  to  the  exclusion  of  the  original 
proprietor. 

As  to  correspondence,  the  gift  of  letter- writing  is  unequally 
distributed  even  among  educated  people.  It  is  a  pain  and 
penance  to  some  and  a  solace  to  others.  Some  in  writing  to 
their  dearest  friend,  can  only  mention  the  subject  in  hand  ; 
others  can  pour  out  facts  and  opmions,  criticisms  and  comments, 
making  the  pen  another  tongue.     It  is  really  as  if  some  nerve 


FRIENDSHIP.  151 

of  communication  guided  the  fingers  of  one,  and  was  utterly 
wanting  in  anotlier. 

To  my  mind,  letter-writing  is  too  valuable  a  gift  not  to  be 
cultivated.  A  friend  who  will  correspond  is  three  times  the 
friend  who  can  not,  or  will  not ;  and  the  value  of  this  bridge  over 
separation  is  untold.  Besides  a  detailed  letter  to  an  invalid,  or 
to  one  whose  home  is  in  a  colony,  is  priceless,  and  such  letters 
are  not  to  be  composed  without  an  apprenticeship ; — not  of 
writing  model  letters,  but  of  correspondence  with  friends  or 
brothers.  A  letter  describing  xn  interesting  scene,  or  giving  a 
sketch  of  what  is  passing,  gives  not  only  great  pleasure  to  the 
receiver,  but  deepens  the  impression  on  the  writer's  mind,  and 
may  even  become  a  valuable  record ;  but  the  real  point  is  the 
participation  in  an  enjoyment  that  it  gives  those  at  a  distance, 
perhaps  delighting  a  colonial  exile,  or  making  sunshine  in  a  sick- 
room or  a  lonely  life.  A  real  discussion  of  right  and  wrong  can 
often  be  well  carried  out  on  paper,  and  both  sides  will  have 
their  ideas  cleared  by  thinking  them  out.  Depend  upon  it, 
there  is  selfishness  as  well  as  carelessness  in  neglecting  letters. 
Fur  the  infirm,  and  those  who  cannot  answer,  a  time  should  be 
fixed  fur  a  regular  letter,  and  no  one  can  guess  how  these  are 
looked  forward  to.  Even  the  smallest  home  details  of  flowers, 
pet  animal^,  children's  witticisms,  pretty  sights  in  country  walks, 
have  their  charm  and  value.  Look  at  the  life-long  correspondence 
of  Mrs.  Grant  of  Laggan  with  Mrs.  Smith  of  Jordan-hill, 
Elizabeth  Carter  with  Catherine  Talbot,  and  see  how  much 
pleasure  and  profit,  how  much  real  elements  of  friendship  there 
is  in  letter-writing ;  and  do  not  come  down  to  slap-dash  notes 
and  postal-cards. 

Life  long  friendships  1  Yes,  they  are  a  precious  gift — often 
the  dearest  tie  of  single  women.  Happily  they  are  many. 
True  friends  should  always  mention  one  another  in  their  prayers, 
and  thus  the  tie  becomes  like  that  of  brothers  in  arms  of  old. 
Montalembert  dedicated  his  friendship  in  early  youth  with  a 
short  prayer  and  mutual  vow  and  Communion  together.  We 
could  hardly  overtly  do  this ;  but  surely  we  do  feel  that  to  kneol 


152  WOMANKIND. 

together  at  the  Altat  may  sanctify  and  maTce  permanent  the 
love  in  our  hearts,  bear  it  above  little  misunderstandings, 
restrain  ns  from  being  mutual  temptations,  and  if  death  be  to 
part  us  early,  help  the  one  who  is  taken  to  be  to  the  other  "  the 
pure,  calm  picture  of  a  blameless  friend,"  and  make  Paradise 
seem  nearer  and  more  homelike.  While,  if  the  two  are  to  run 
out  nearly  all  the  span  of  their  lives,  such  friendship  may  be 
the  joy  of  their  lives,  their  meetings  may  be  holidays,  their 
sympathy  and  support  each  other's  strength ;  they  may  improve 
one  another  "  as  iron  sharpeneth  u-on,"  and  the  higher  light  of 
the  love  of  God  may  grow,  as  Dante  says,  "  as  light  increases,  by 
flashing  back  and  back  again  the  radiance  of  the  sun  from  one 
mirror  to  another," 


CHAPTEE  XX. 

YOUTH    AND   MAIDEN. 


I  USE  these  words  because  I  want  some  term  to  express  the 
spirit  of  that  experimental  time  of  life  when  young  people  are 
full  of  the  enjoyment  of  thoir  mutual  attractiveness,  and  when 
the  whole  complexion  of  their  lives  depends  on  the  use  they 
make  of  it,  and  the  effects  it  produces. 

Just  as  the  birds  sing  in  the  spring-time,  so  are  young  people 
delightful  to  one  another.  There  is  sometimes  the  mere  enjoy- 
ment of  lively  intercom  se  ;  sometimes  there  is  the  excitement  of 
a  certain  amount  of  preference ;  sometimes  a  true,  deep  friend- 
ship is  founded  ;  and  sometimes  the  attachment  that  leads  to  a 
union  for  life  then  begins. 

Friendship  can  quite  exist  between  persons  of  different  sexes, 
and  of  equality  in  age,  but  not  often,  except  where  there  is 
something  that  absolutely  hinders  the  friendship  from  changing 
into  anything  else,  such  as  the  marriage  or  engagement  of  one 
or  both  of  the  friends,  or  cousinship  such  as  is  understood  by 


YOUTH   AND   MAIDEN.  153 

bn^!i  to  prevent  any  closer  ties.  Old  acqnaintance  from  early 
childhood  soruetimes  forms  an  almost  brotherly  link,  and  there 
are  friendships  formed  by  drawing  close  together  over  a  grave 
where  lies  the  nearest  alike  to  both.  These  friendships  are, 
however,  of  later  life.  What  I  am  thinking  of  are  those  glad- 
some days  when  the  youth  is  enchanted  to  escape  from  study  or 
business,  desk,  ship,  college,  or  barrack,  to  the  bright,  graceful, 
and  gracious  society  of  ladies  ;  and  when  the  maiden  finds 
her  occupations  and  pleasures  biightenud  and  excited  by  his 
participation. 

All  this  may  be  perfectly  free,  happy,  and  innocent,  and  even 
beneficial  to  the  whole  character  and  nature,  especially  when 
amusement  is  not  the  only  thing  in  view,  but  when  deeper  and 
graver  thoughts  are  beneath,  and  enter  into  the  discussion ;  but 
the  difficulty  is,  that  there  is  undoubtedly  an  excitement  in  such 
intercourse,  felt  more  or  less  by  difiercnt  characters,  and  apt  to 
produce  an  unguardedness  of  manner,  and  a  tendency  to  say 
and  do  what  the  soberer  sense  would  disapprove. 

This  capacity  of  mutual  love  is  of  course  the  cause  of  the 
pleasure  that  it  is  natural  for  each  sex  to  take  in  intercourse 
with  the  other,  and  the  curious  way  in  which  they  regard  one 
another.  There  is  a  certain  party  spirit  en  masse  of  mankind 
against  womankind,  and  of  women  against  "  the  men ; "  but, 
individually,  men  are  seldom  able  to  judge  a  woman  impartially, 
and  women  are  far  more  lenient  to  a  man  than  to  one  of  them- 
selves. Neither  can  one  sex  live  satisfactorily  in  entire  separa- 
tion from  the  other ;  each  needs  the  checks  received  from  the 
other's  presence.  Men  left  to  themselves  become  either  morose 
or  coarsely  and  childishly  boisterous ;  and  women  in  the  like 
condition,  are  apt  to  harden,  to  grow  childish,  and  sometimes 
unrestrained  in  their  tallc  and  habits. 

Not  that  the  system  now  talked  of,  of  sending  boys  and  girls 
to  the  same  schools,  can  ever  be  a  good  one.  The  creatures  are 
at  an  age  when  a  boy's  chivalry  is  not  developed,  and  it  is  far 
more  likely  to  awaken  at  the  sight  of  ladies  as  a  holiday  treat 
than  by  competition  with  them  at  school.     The  gu'ls'  bloom  of 


154  WOMANKIND. 

;  modesty,  too,  must  be  endangered  by  the  mixture  with  the  boys, 
1  who  will  sometimes  tyrannize,  soQiL-times  torment  in  a  way  more 
;  distressing  and  hurtful.     Nothing  but  the  direst  necessity  should 
'"ever  tolerate  mixed  schools  in  villages,  and,  where  they  cannot 
be  avoided,  the  boys  and  girls  ought  to  have  different  play- 
grounds.    Education  will  do  little  if  modesty  and  propriety  are 
not  most  carefully  studied  in  all  the  adjuncts. 

This  is,  however,  aside  from  the  subject,  namely,  that  which 
might  be  called  "  love  in  idleness."  It  is  not  quite  love,  it  is 
rather  attraction.  Some  people  have  it  and  feel  it,  and  others 
are  entirely  devoid  of  it.  Some  baby-girls  will  be  excited  till 
every  male  being  in  the  room  has  noticed  them.  Very  few 
damsels  fail  to  enjoy  the  delightful  exchange  of  badinage,  the 
play  of  spirits,  the  wit  on  either  side,  the  many  skirmishes,  and 
the  little  adventures,  together  with  the  attention  they  receive, 
all  the  more  if  there  be  any  speciality  in  it,  which  begins  to 
deepen  the  current  so  sparkling  above. 

The  special  temptations  of  this  period  are  very  hard  to  dwell 
on  without  seeming  either  to  make  too  light  of  them  or  to  treat 
them  too  gravely.  The  very  words  for  them  are  hard  to  find. 
Coquetry  was  a  foreign  word  borrowed  by  our  refined  grand- 
mothers, when  they  hardly  acknowledged  that  the  thing  existed 
at  all.  Flirtation  was  whispered  by  our  mothers,  as  something 
too  vulgar  to  be  freely  spoken  even  in  censure,  but  the  word  is 
now  freely  flung  about  with  an  ease  likely  to  make  that  which 
it  is  meant  to  express  seem  blameless.  The  Italians  speak  of 
pir  la  civetta,  that  is,  of  laying  one's  self  out  for  admiration 
and  attention  like  the  little  civetta  owls  which  make  themselves 
ridiculous  by  their  airs  and  graces,  on  the  roofs  of  houses  in 
Rome. 

This  Civetta  spirit  of  absorbing  everybody's  notice  and  atten- 
tion, and  feeling  wronged  by  their  being  paid  to  any  one  else,  is  a 
very  dangerous  one.  It  is  common  to  laugh  at  it,  and  call  it  mere 
youthfulness  and  feminine  nature,  but  it  is  really  the  outcome 
of  vanity,  and  nearly  allied  to  envy  and  jealousy.  A  girl  who 
has  been  used  to  a  monopoly  of  attention  cannot  be  supposed 


YOUTH    AND    MAIDEN".  155 

not  to  feel  neglected  and  mortified  if  another  should  receive 
what  has  hitherto  been  paid  to  her ;  indeed  sometimes  she  is 
absolutely  -wounded  by  such  desertion,  but  tliough  the  vexation 
is  a  real  one,  she  must  be  careful  of  the  feeling  it  evokes.  A 
temper  of  bitterness  or  dislike  to  the  often  perfectly  unconscious 
rival,  an  incHnation  to  detract  from  her  beauty,  or  her  other 
merits,  or  to  accuse  her  of  forwardness  or  flirting,  show  the 
beginning  of  a  spirit  to  be  fought  with.  Perhaps  it  is  not 
possible  that  she  should  appear  to  you  as  charming  as  to  those 
whom  she  draws  away  from  you  ;  and  if  she  be  your  friend  she 
may  almost  appear  to  you  a  treacherous  supplanter ;  but  such 
opinions  had  better  not  be  uttered,  you  can  at  the  very  least  resolve 
to  say  nothing  against  her,  and  you  will  almost  certainly  be  very 
thankful  that  you  have  held  your  tongue.  If  she  have  any  un- 
deniable charm  beyond  you,  beauty,  wit,  musical  talent,  cleverness 
or  the  like,  freely  own  it,  suppressing  by  force  all  criticisms,  and 
make  the  prayer  against  "  envy,  hatred,  malice  and  all  uncharit- 
ableness,"  more  than  ever  your  own.  Even  if  you  know  yourself 
her  equal  or  superior,  and  think  her  advantages  mere  frivolous 
surface  matters,  her  powers  so  superficial  that  you  cannot  guess 
how  people  can  be  taken  in  by  her,  doubt  yourseK  doubly,  and 
strive  the  more  to  be  both  fair  and  kind  towards  her.  ^fake  it 
a  really  religious  matter  to  put  away  aU  that  tends  to  envy  and 
jealousy. 

Another  temptation  is  that  which  springs  of  excitement  and 
pleasure,  namely,  that  of  losing  self-control  and  going  too  far. 
It  is  to  be  observed  that  there  is  seldom  any  restraining  power  on 
the  other  side.  In  almost  all  men  there  is  a  worse  part  which 
makes  them  willing  to  incite  a  girl  to  go  as  far  as  she  will  with 
them,  and  which  is  flattered  at  the  approaches  to  indiscretion, 
which  all  the  time  make  her  forfeit  their  respect.  They  want  to 
be  amused,  and  think  it  the  girl's  business  to  take  care  of  herself. 
If  she  does  what  they  would  not  tolerate  from  their  sisters,  they 
still  lead  her  on,  and  though  they  do  not  think  better  of  her, 
they  will  defend  her  when  her  own  sex  blame  her. 

Eefinement,  modesty,  and  strict  obedience  are  hex  best  safe- 


156  WOMANKIND. 

guards  here,  and   again  these    shoxild  guard   her  against   that 
manner  which  all  women  instinctively   disapprove,   but  which 
many  men  (even  good  ones)  lelish  because  it  entertains  them. 
Nothing  is  a  more  unfortunate  sign  in  a  woman  than  that  she 
should  be  better  liked  by  men  than  by  woman.     We  shall  often 
\  hear  it  said  "  the  women  were  all  agiiinst  her,  because  she  was 
1  handsomer,  or  better  bred,  or  better  born,  or  better  dressed." 
r    0^0,  the  women  would  not  have  been  all  against  her  merely 
out  of  jealousy  or  rivalry,  unless  there  were  something  objection- 
able about  her.     Either  she  did  not  bear  her  advantages  meekly, 
and  flaunted  them  so  as  to  moitify  those  around  her;  or  else  she 
offended  against  their  good  taste  and  principle.     If  a  woman  is 
truly  kind,  Avarmheaited,   and  affectionate  towards   her  female 
friends,  they  are  quite  ready  to  be  proud  of  her  beauty,  grace, 
or    other    charms  ;    they  will  love  her  heartily  if  she  will  let 
herself  be  lo  'ed  by  them,  and  will  rejoice  in  all  her  successes. 
It  is  true  that  they  are   severer  censors   than  men  are,  but  in 
general,  if  a  woman  may  be  allowed  to  say  so,  they  are  much 
better  and  less  prejudiced  judges,   since  the  man — if  not  per- 
sonally flattered — has  at  least  a  secret  belief,  half-tender,  half, 
contemptuous,  that  nothing   better  can  be  expected  of  the  sex. 
The  desire  to  shine  in  society  is  not  universal.     The  wish  to 
please  is  a  feeling  implanted  by  nature  ;  but  those  are  the  safest 
and  best  who  simply  do   as   they  would  be  done  by,  without 
attempting  to  produce  an  effect.      It  is  only  a  few  who  can  keep 
around    them   a  court  of   admirers,  and  amuse  themselves  by 
playing  them  off  one  against  another.     This  power  is  more  apt 
to   be    derived    from    sparkle   and    vivacity,    backed   by   some 
advantage   of    wealth   or    position,    than   from   beauty    alone. 
Great  beauty  is  a  very  uncommon  gift,   and  the  regularity  of 
feature  that  constitutes  it  is  not  often  compatible  with  quick 
sensitiveness  or  great  intellect ;   and  transcendent    beauties  are 
thus  generally  tranquil  beings,  not  very  easily  stirred,  and  often 
perfectly  simple,  and  much  less  desirous  to  attract  than   those 
whose  good  looks    are   a   more   uncertain    matter.      The   great 
majority  of  Englishwomen  are  fair  enough  to  be  beautiful  in 


YOUTH    AND    MAIDEN.  157 

loving  eyes,  and  to  bave  a  good  deal  of  prettincss  dependent  on 
health,  expression,  or  becoming  dress,  aad  there  is  much  more 
incUnation  to  think  about  the  matter  in  such  cases  than  in  those 
whose  beauty  is  an  acknowledged  fact.  In  the  paper  on  dress, 
I  think  it  was  said  that  due  attention  to  whatsoever  things  are 
pure,  whatsoever  things  are  lovely,  should  make  a  woman  in  home 
and  family  life  wear  what  is  modestly  becoming  and  gives 
pleasure  to  her  friends  j  but  the  instant  she  begins  to  dress 
with  the  purpose  of  attracting  notice,  or  outshining  others,  she 
errs.  Over-plainness  of  attire,  with  the  set  purpose  of  mortify- 
ing her  own  vanity,  is  a  much  belter  extreme — though  that  has 
ako  its  subtle  dangers. 

The  girl  whose  effort  it  is  to  excite  admiration  or  sentiment, 
that  may  bind  one  or  more  men  to  her  service  as  slaves,  and  she 
who  is  continually  putting  on  caprices,  or  expressing  imperious 
wants,  that  they  may  be  occupied  with  her,  and  who  h^s  no 
serious  feeling  for  them  all  the  time,  but  is  merely  playing  with 
thera,  are  both  making  an  evil  use  of  their  womanhood,  and  of 
their  powers  of  pleasing.  One  danger  in  the  matter  is  the  habit 
they  are  forming.  They  fancy  that  when  they  are  married,  al 
such  flirtations  will  drop  off  of  themselves.  Such  is  sometimes  the 
case,  but  not  always.  The  habit  of  receiving  homage  and 
exciting  admiration,  and  the  enjoyment  of  creating  a  kind  of 
excitement  by  the  appearance  of  preference,  have  so  ingrained 
themselves  that  there  is  no  laying  them  aside,  they  recur  with 
company  manners,  and  lower  the  married  woman  far  more  than 
even  the  giil — disturb  famUy  peace — lead  her  to  the  verge  of 
eviL 

Equally  weak  and  contemptible  is  the  girl  who  is  always 
imagining  love  either  to  or  from  herself.  "Thinking  about 
lovers,"  is  universally  acknowledged  to  be  a  foolish  pastime, 
and  though  a  real  contemplation  of  the  subject  of  love  and 
courtship  is  needful  at  times,  and  when  such  a  matter  really 
comes  on,  the  discussion  with  sister  or  friend  is  quite  right  and 
natural ;  nothing  ought  to  be  more  avoided  than  a  conclave  of 
silly  girls,  dwelling  on  "their  conquests"  real  or  imaginary. 


15b  WOMANKIND. 

expressing  hopes,  fears,  or  despairs,  and  teasing  one  anotliet 
about  neglects,  or  fluttering  each  other  with  rej)etitions  of  ad- 
miration. It  is  to  be  hoped  that  good  education  and  better 
kinds  of  occupations  are  raising  giils  out  of  this  depth  of  folly, 
but  it  is  well  to  utter  a  word  of  warning,  since  the  pleasure  of 
talking  of  oneself  is  always  apt  to  betray  one,  and  there  is  a 
certain  importance  Ln  being  supposed  to  have  a  lover. 

But  it  should  be  remembered  that  grave  evils  often  come  from 
girls,  true,  right-minded,  religious,  and  charitable,  and  as  nice 
and  good  as  possible  in  feminine  company,  giving  way  to  the 
temptation  of  making  yoimg  men  their  slaves  or  playfellows. 
When  such  young  men  are  the  curates  of  the  parish,  these  habits 
are   very  mischievous   to   the   work   of   their   calling.      Their 
heads  are  turned,   their  time  taken  up  with  amusements  and 
chatter,  the   charitable    occupations  that  ought  to    have    been 
properly  divided  are  slurred  or  neglected,  or  made  occasions  of 
absolute  bad   example,   and   even   church   decoration   becomes 
irreverent.     Curates  and  young  ladies  have  become  an  absolute 
stock  subject  of  mockery,  and  though  it  is  quite  true  that  both 
are  apt  to  be  at  an  inflammable  age,  and  that  human  nature  is 
human  nature,  and  that  something  more  real  and  earnest  may 
be  springing  up,  unguarded  folly  and  excitement  is  not  the  way 
to  a  blessing,  and  the  girl  who  enjoys  "  turning  the  head  "  of  a 
curate,  as  fair  game,  does  not  consider  that  in  her  thoughtless 
levity  she  may  be  marring  a  priest  of  God.     "  He  that  despiseth 
you  despiseth  Me,"  is  a  saying  that  very  few  bear  in  mind  in 
their  dealings  with  clergymen. 

But  it  will  be  asked.  What  is  to  be  done  ?  Is  a  girl  to  be 
/stiff,  prudish,  and  affected  in  her  relations  with  men,  as  if  she 
:  were  afraid  of  them,  and  always  expecting  to  be  carried  too  far? 
No,  indeed.  That  is  only  another  form  of  the  same  complaint. 
Frank,  yet  quiet,  easy  manners  are  the  right  medium,  guarded 
by  the  instinct  of  modesty  and  propriety,  and  especially  avoiding 
any  putting  forth  of  feele  by  way  of  experiments  in  power,  or 
tlie  giving  such  commands  to  men,  young  or  old,  as  presuppose 
B  certain  devotion  to  her  service. 


YOUTH   ANP    MAIDEN.  159 

The  whole  question  how  to  avoid  flirtation,  without  undue 
stiffness,  resolves  itself  into  old  primary  rules.  To  f-et  a  watch 
before  the  lips,  and  to  examine  oneself  daily,  is  the  rule  laid 
before  every  Christian.  "  If  any  luan  among  you  seem  to  be 
religious,  and  bridleth  not  his  tongue,  this  man's  religion  is  vain," 
is  quite  as  true  of  woman  as  of  man, 

]f  from  the  time  of  first  serious  thought  a  careful  watch  has 
been  set  to  say  no  word  to  small  or  great,  young  or  old,  that  has 
not  some  kind,  true,  or  faithful  end  in  view,  if  an  account  is 
kept  of  every  swerving  from  these  rules,  of  every  lapse  into 
thoughtlessness,  negligence,  vanity,  irreverence,  or  the  like,  then 
without  affectation  or  unkindness,  the  maiden  will  preserve 
herself,  or  be  preserved  by  heavenly  Grace,  from  the  vulgar 
coarseness  of  flirtations  and  coquetiies,  and  be  ready  in  all  fair 
inward  purity  of  spirit,  as  well  as  outward  purity  of  body,  to 
give  herself  in  the  full  dignity  of  her  maidenhood  to  him  whom 
she  really  and  worthily  loves.  Or  else,  she  will  have  a  truly 
virginal  spirit,  not  a  merely  baulked  and  disappointed  one,  to 
turn  withal  to  be  the  unmarried  woman,  who  careth  for  the 
things  of  the  Lord. 


CHAPTER  XXL 

COURTSniP. 


It  is  a  curious  thing  to  observe  how  late  in  development  was 
the  higher  love  of  woman  for  man  previous  to  marriage.  Only 
after  centuries  of  generations  nurtured  in  Christianity  did  she 
become  fit  to  choose  for  herselP,  and  thus  there  is  less  absolute 
direction  in  Holy  Scripture  on  this  matter  than  on  almost  any 
other.  The  daughter  was  so  entirely  the  parent's  chattel  that 
she  had  no  will  in  the  matter,  and  was  disposed  of,  while  a  mere 
child,  incapable  of  a  real  choice. 


160  WOMANKIND. 

TJebekaTi,  indeed,  was  allowed  to  decide,  bnt  aljont  or.e 
unknown  to  her,  and  though  Jacob  might  love,  Leah  and  Eachel 
were  alike  passively  bestowed  on  him.  If  we  accept  the  part 
of  the  Bride  in  the  Canticles  as  literal,  it  is  still  the  love  of  one 
already  betrothed,  not  choosing  for  herself. 

The  counsel  is  to  the  father  when  the  son  of  Sirach  says : 
"  Marry  thy  daughter,  and  so  shalt  thou  have  performed  a  weighty 
matter,  but  give  her  to  a  man  of  understanding ; "  and  when 
St.  Paul  speaks  of  the  expediency  or  non-expediency  of  marriage, 
it  is  to  the  fathers  that  he  speaks,  not  the  virgins  themselves. 
And  if  this  were  so  in  the  Israelite  world,  far  less  is  the  high 
and  pure  type  of  love  to  be  found  in  heathen  literature  or 
history.  Greek  and  Roman  girls  were  bestowed  in  marriage  by 
their  parents,  and  often  made  tender  and  noble  wives,  but  they 
would  never  have  thought  of  making  a  choice.  Perhaps  the 
nearest  likeness  to  modern  love  is  in  the  graceful  story  of  Pene- 
lope, covering  her  face  with  her  veil,  and  turning  to  Ulysses 
when  her  old  father  asked  her  weeping,  whether  she  would 
leave  him.  There  have  always  been  good  wives,  and  also  men 
who  loved  maidens,  but  maidens  had  little  opportunity  of  loving 
in  return,  and,  if  they  did,  it  was  reckoned  as  indecorous. 

It  is  a  great  mistake  to  hang  a  tale  of  the  Early  Church  upon 
a  modern  love  story.  The  Christian  maiden,  if  destined  for  a 
wife,  was  given  away  too  early  to  have  a  real  choice,  and  the 
feeling  we  now  call  enthusiasm  or  romance,  generally  aspired  to 
a  life  of  dedicated  virginity,  as  something  far  nobler  than 
marriage.  Legend  tells  us  of  virgin  martyrs  wooed  by  heathen 
youths,  but  never  of  any  inclination  on  the  maidens'  part  to 
heathen  or  Christian  man.  But  these  very  virgin  martyrs  did 
much  to  raise  the  ideal  of  woman,  and  together  with  the  homage 
paid  to  the  purity  of  the  Blessed  Mother,  began  to  alter  the 
position  of  the  whole  sex,  and  the  northern  nations  bringing 
with  them  strong,  brave,  devoted  women,  never  except  in  Spain, 
subjected  them  to  eastern  seclusion.  Romance  arose,  but  most 
of  its  glorification  of  love  was,  it  is  necessary  to  avow,  not  of 
that  pure  and  refined  love  that  leads  to  marriage.     The  damsel 


couRTsnip.  161 

was  still  given  away  by  her  parents  with  no  volition  of  her 
own,  and.  even,  when  left  early  a  widow,  was  scarcely  ever  at 
her  own  disposal ;  and  found  no  saf yty  l)ut  in  marriage  or  a 
convent. 

The  loves  of  the  earliest  genuine  romance  arc  of  Lancelot  and 
Guinevere,  Tristram  and  Yseolte,  Orlando  and  Angelica.  The 
courts  of  love  in  Provence  were  to  decide  on  the  cases  of  fantastic 
adoration  between  knights  and  ladies  ;  the  latter  always  married, 
for  no  one  had  seen  or  heard  of  them  previously.  The  tiue 
Proven9al  histories  are  divided  between  the  absurd  and  the 
horrible.  On  the  one  hand  there  is  the  history  of  the  troubadour 
who  languished  and  died  for  love  of  a  lady  he  had  never  seen ; 
on  the  other,  the  tragedy  of  the  husband  who  served  up  the 
heart  of  his  wife's  lover  to  her,  upon  which  she  vowed  that  food 
less  noble  should  never  pass  her  lips,  and  starved  herseK  to  death. 
Both  are  given  as  facts  by  SismondL 

It  seems  as  if  a  good  woman  could  not  help  or  prevent  this 
troubadour  devotion ;  and  Blanche  of  Castile  used  that  of 
Thibault  of  Champagne  for  political  purposes,  but  the  right- 
minded  woman  in  general  would  ignore  it  completely,  and  would 
have  been  shocked  at  the  notion  of  falling  in  love  as  a  maiden, 
or  choosing  her  husband.  She  vowed  love  to  him  together  with 
obedience  at  her  wedding,  and  in  a  true  and  pure  heart  the  love 
was  providentially  always  brought,  even  though  the  man  might 
be  utterly  unworthy  of  it.  ISTovels  made  out  of  mediaeval  love- 
stories,  like  those  of  our  own  time,  are  mere  anachronisms. 
Ivanhoe  might  love  Eowena,  but  Rowena  would  have  been  given 
to  him  or  to  Athelstane  long  before  his  evasion.  The  wardship 
and  marriage  of  the  young  heir  as  well  as  the  heiress  was  the 
perquisite  of  the  guardian,  and  was  granted  by  the  king  to  some 
favoured  noble,  who  either  sold  the  child's  hand,  or  gave  it  to 
one  of  his  own  family. 

Dante  and  Petraich,  by  making  glorious  ideals  of  Beatrice  and 
Laura,  did  much  to  purify  the  sentiment  of  '*  minstrel  love," 
and  it  began  to  grow  into  a  more  innocent  and  refined  feeling 
of  distant  adoratioa  as  it  is  seen  in  Surrey  and  Sidney,  while 


1G3  WOMANKIND. 

neither  thouglit  of  Geraldine,  nor  of  Penelope  Eich,  as  possiblo 
wives,  only  as  sources  of  poetical  inspii-a'ion. 

In  the  meantime,  however,  mutual  liking  had  obtained  some 
recognition  as  a  ground  of  marriage.     Two  children  of  Edward 
ill.,  successfully,  and   by  dint  of  constancy,  accomplished  love- 
matches.     Anne  of  Brittany,  and  Jeanne  of  JSavarre,  heiresses 
though  they  were,  successfully  resisted  distasteful  suitors;  yet, 
on  the  other  hand,  the  intense  prosaicalness  of  common  life  is 
shown  in  the  Paston  letters,  where  the  girls  pray  for  husbands, 
with  apparently  perfect  indifference  as  to  who  they  may  be,  and 
the  family  history  bears  no  traces  of  anything  like  a  courtship 
from  personal   affection.       What  we  call  the  days  of  romance 
were  the  most   devoid  of    it   in   marriage.       Yet    the     Jlorte 
d'Ar'thur  was  a  great  advance  upon  the  continental  tales  of  the 
same  kind.     Its  blighted  and  repentant  Lancelot  would  never 
have   perverted   Prancesca   da    Pimini ;   and   in    literature,    in 
England  at  least,  a  tone  of  innocent  romance  began  to  set  in, 
immensely  aided  by  Shakespeare,  who,  considering  the  almost 
universal   example   of    romance,    deserves   infinite   honour   for 
never   enlisting   sympathy   on   the  side  of  any  but  pure  and 
innocent  love.     Borneo  and  Juliet  is,  however,    probably   tha 
earliest  of  novels  which  treats  love  from  a  modern  point  of  view. 
Its  date  as  an  Italian  novel  is  before  the  end  of  the  fif't'?enth 
century,  and  the  main  incidents  are  said  to  be  true,  the  Capel- 
letti   and   Montagudi  being   real   Veronese   families,    and    the 
monument   still   remaining.     The   point  in  it  is,  that   though 
disobedient,   passionate,   and  culminating  in  suicide,   still   the 
love  is  free  from  the  stains  to  be  found  in  ordinary  ballad  and 
romantic  literature,  and  Shakespeare,  by  endowing  the   story 
with  all  his  own  graces,  no  doubt  did  much  to  excite  sympathy 
with  lovers,  and  make  parents  dread  the  effects  of  crossing  them 
tyrannically.     In  fact,  in  the  Elizabethan  age,  the  real  and  ideal 
were    blending.     Pei)ple  were  no  longer  contented  that   their 
imagination   and    their   sense    of  duty    should   lie   in   entirely 
Beparate   worlds;    they  acknowledged   the  power  of  love,   and 
Bought  to  purify  and  make  it  innocent.     Lucy  Apsley's  account 


COURTSHIP.  163 

of  her  own  feelings  for  Colonel  HutcLinson  is  a  beautiful  picture 
of  maidenly  love,  but  for  the  most  part  the  power  of  choice 
was  in  inverse  ratio  to  the  value  of  the  lady's  hand  ;  and  as  to 
its  being  a  sin  to  marry  without  being  in  love,  no  one  dreamt  of 
such  a  thing.  What  would  the  judicious  Hooker  have  said  if 
it  had  been  suggested  to  him  that  he  did  wrong  in  marrying 
Joan  without  such  a  puerile  preliminary  1  No ;  marriage  was  a 
business  transaction ;  the  code  was,  as  it  is  in  France  at  this 
moment,  that  the  parents  knew  much  better  than  their  children 
what  was  good  for  them,  and  though  they  were  gradually  becoming 
convinced  that  to  oppose  a  violent  aversion,  or  thwart  a  strong 
attachment,  might  have  very  mischievous  results,  yet  the  girl 
was  thought  to  be  best  and  safest  who  exercised  the  least 
volition  in  the  matter.  Up  to  the  reigns  of  the  House  of 
Hanover  this  seems  to  have  been  the  universal  way  of  thinking 
among  the  higher  ranks,  and  among  all  who  had  anything  to 
bestow  with  their  daugl iters. 

Perhaps  Richardson  did  the  most  to  overthrow  the  whole 
system  by  bringing  a  tyrant  father  into  universal  detestation  in 
one  novel,  and  in  anotht-r  giving  whtit  was  at  the  time  taken  as 
a  picture  of  noble  and  respectful  mutual  love  ;  and  though 
we  now  laugh  at  the  formality  and  stiffness  of  Sir  Charles 
Graudison,  and  the  sentiuiental  confidences  of  Harriet,  still 
theirs  was  a  hi^h minded  refined  love  for  what  was  best  and 
greatest  in  one  another,  and  it  no  doubt  did  much  to  convince 
the  world  that  this  was  the  right  way  of  bringing  about  a 
mari'iage. 

Physical  force  on  the  parents'  part  to  make  a  girl  accept  their 
favourite  suitor  had  become  impossible.  Moral  force  and  tacit 
persecution  still  Avere  in  their  power,  then,  as  now,  but  public 
opinion  was  going  further  and  further  away  from  all  exertion  of 
it,  and  before  the  end  of  the  eighteenth  century,  the  absence  of 
the  practice  of  7nnriages  de  convenance  would  have  been  reckoned 
as  one  of  the  honours  of  Euj^land,  at  least  by  her  own  children, 
for  a  French  or  Italian  woman  would  deem  the  freedom  at  onca 
perilous  and  improper, 

M  2 


164  WOMANKIND. 

It  is  said,  v.  Ith  what  truth  we  know  not,  that  the  proportion 
of  happy  marriages  is  about  equal  in  either  case,  and  the  risk  of 
a  wrong  choice  is  less  in  the  experienced  parents  than  in  the 
girl  herself.  This,  however,  leaves  out  of  sight  that  worldly 
considerations  are  stronger  in  the  old  than  in  the  young.  The 
reply  again  is  that  the  maiden's  freslmess  is  spoilt  if  she  h  .vo 
to  take  these  same  matters  of  worldly  prudence  into  account, 
and  that  she  is  more  simple  and  charming  if  her  parents  have 
judged  for  her.  But  in  the  main  there  can  be  no  doubt  tlu.t 
where  she  is  allowed  to  grow  to  her  full  power  of  judgment, 
and  left  free  to  choose  for  herself,  there  is  much  less  risk  of 
the  horrible  chance  that  her  husband  may  be  a  person  not 
easy  to  love,  and  that  she  may  see  the  man  she  could  have  been 
happy  with  too  late.  This,  as  we  all  know,  has  always  been  the 
bane  and  scandal  of  France ;  whore  flirtation  after  marriage  has 
met  with  the  same  toleration  as  with  us  flirtation  does  before. 
There  must  of  course  be  this  essential  difference,  that  the  maiden's 
flirtation  may  always  be  the  beginning  of  a  genuine  attachment, 
while  that  of  the  matron  cannot  be  wholesome,  and  scarcely  can 
be  innocent. 

Flirtation  even  here  is,  however,  not  the  right  beginning. 
The  spark  of  true  love  is  so  sacred  a  fire,  that  it  should  not  be 
fanned  by  folly  and  rattle.  There  is  no  reason  that  playful 
mirth  should  not  be  excited  around  love  and  lovers,  but  there 
should  be  something  deeper  below. 

/^^"There  are  many  mistaken  ways  of  treating  the  matter.  In 
one  the  mother  says,  "  I  wish  my  daughter  never  to  think  of 
love  and  nonsense,"  and  hushes  her  about  it,  so  that  when  her 
I  natural  curiosity  about  woman's  destiny  awakens,  she  is  left  to 
pick  up  her  notions,  either  from  novelettes,  or  from  girls  like 
herself.  In  flealing  with  village  giils,  this  kind  of  mistake  is 
made  by  the  best-intentioned  peoplp,  who  will  not  read  them  a 
story  with  any  mention  of  lovers  in  it,  either  because  it  is 
thought  an  improper  subject,  or  because  they  giggle  and  titter 
at  the  mention,  and  thus  the  chance  is  lost  of  raising  aud 
refining  their  notions  on  the  matter. 


COURTSHIP.  165 

Another,  and  a  worse  error,  is  the  continual  discussion  of 
possible  symptoms,  and  the  perpetual  family  joke  of  ascribing 
suitors  to  one  another,  and  teasing  about  tliem.  And  -worst  of 
all  is  the  speaking  of  a  wealthy  match,  as  if  it  must  needs  be  a 
good  one  for  that  reason,  and  a  magnificent  achievement  of  the 
family.  In  truth,  what  is  due  to  the  young  njaiden  on  whose 
choice  rests  the  whole  colour  of  her  future  life,  is  to  bring  her 
up  to  the  knowledge  that  Providence  will  decide  for  her 
whether  she  shall  be  married  or  single,  will  fix,  in  fa(;t,  "the 
state  of  life  to  which  it  shall  jJease  God  to  call  her."  That 
call,  in  our  present  state  of  society,  is  given  through  mutual 
love  and  eligible  circumstanct  s,  atid  this  truly  seems  by  far  the 
most  suitable  way.  But;  the  whole  knowl.  dge  of  the  rtsponsi- 
hility  of  such  choice  and  the  duties  it  involves  ought  not  to  be 
left  to  the  agitated  period  of  courtship,  or  as  it  sometimes 
actually  is,  to  the  wedding  day.  Brides  have  been  known  to 
say  that  they  had  no  not  on  how  solemn  a  service  was  that  of 
Holy  Matrimony  till  ihey  actually  were  going  through  it,  at  the 
conclusion  of  all  the  whiil  of  preparation,  fine  clothe--!,  and  all 
the  inevitable  (1)  adjuncts  of  a  wedding. 

Sensible  observations  on  books  and  on  real  life  ought  to  be 
so  contrived  as  to  show  yourig  people  the  spirit  of  these  lines  of 
the  Rev.  Isaac  Williams  : — 


"  'Twas  God  Himself  to  Adam  brought 
His  own  appointed  bride, 
And  by  Himself  the  gift  that  wrought 
The  gift  was  sanctified. 

*' And  for  his  son,  when  Abraham  sent 
To  seek  the  destined  maid, 
God's  angel  watch  before  him  went, 
And  all  their  path  arrayed. 

"  An  angel  at  Tobias'  side 

By  Tigris'  banks  is  bound, 
An  unknown  yet  protecting  guide 
To  Sara  hath  been  found. 


166  WDMAXKIND. 

**  I  deem  tliat  these,  and  such  as  thcso. 
Unknown  to  sight  or  sense, 
Do  speak  in  nianiage  destinies 
Unwonted  providence. 

**  A  special  gniding  beyond  all 
Mysterionsly  attends 
Ly  Him  who  makes  the  secret  call 
And  haUows  all  the  ends. 

*'And,  therefore,  those  I  deem  unwiso. 
Fond  tales  of  earthly  love, 
Which  seem  to  trifle  with  the  ties 
Hid  in  God's  Hand  above. 

"  Of  patient  fear  we  need  far  more. 
And  more  of  faith's  repose. 
Of  looking  more  to  God  before. 
Till  He  His  will  disclose. 

"Far,  better  far,  than  passion's  glow. 
Or  aught  of  worldly  choice, 
To  listen  His  own  will  to  know, 
And  listening  hear  His  Voice." 

Love  there  mud  he.  A  marriage  of  obedience,  witho'it 
pievious  love,  was  no  sin  in  the  ujaiden  of  former  times,  nor  is  it 
so  in  some  countries  no^v,  but  in  the  English  girl  it  is  a  sin  ;  for 
to  her  "  to  love,  honour,  and  obey  "  means  so  much  more  than  it 
did  to  her  ancestres-=,  that  the  words  cannot  be  honestly  uttered 
without  a  real  present  sense  of  love  and  honour. 

Secondly,  it  is  not  right  to  represent  love  as  a  lawless,  in  facfb, 
sensual  passion,  excited  by  mere  chance,  and  entirely  uncou- 
Dected  with  esteem.  It  might  be  so  in  the  uutaught  woman, 
■wixn  the  more  violent  passions  of  southern  climates.  It  is  not 
so  in  the  average  woman  of  the  north.  She  has  discrimination 
and  control  of  herself,  and  she  can  learn  that  there  are  some 
whom  slie  ought  not  to  love.  Let  me  add,  that  those  tales 
which  treat  of  the  marriage  of  first-cousins  as  simple  and 
un objection ible  do  no  kindness.     It  is  not  easy  to  put  before 


COURTSHIP.  1G7 

young  girls  wliy  it  sLonld  not  be,  Lut  it  scorns  to  luc  misplaced 
delicacy,  which  fuibids  them  being  told  that  though  there  is  no 
doubt  a  proportion  of  healthy  lauiilies  born  of  first-cousins, 
yet  that  long  experience  has  gone  to  show  that  hereditary 
diseases  are  intensified  in  the  chddren,  and  that  idiotcy,  in- 
sanity, and  defective  organization  are  so  ofien  the  result,  that 
it  is  most  iindej^irable,  if  not  wrong,  to  run  the  risk  of  pro- 
ducing such  ofTspriiig.  To  marry  in  ihe  ftdl  knowledge  of  these 
4acts  is  not  trusting  God,  but  temiiting  God.  Fathers  and 
mothers  know  them,  and  forbith  Young  people  cannot  under- 
stand why,  point  to  the  instances  among  their  friends,  and 
those  with  which  novels  unf  irtunately  provide  them,  and  try 
to  wear  out  opposition.  It  is  very  destructive  of  peace,  for  the 
intercourse  between  cousits  is  so  jdeasant,  that  it  almost  natur- 
ally It-ads  to  something  wanner,  and  however  much  each  side 
may  be  certain  of  the  disapproval  of  the  parents,  the  examples 
they  see  before  them  make  them  still  hope  on,  till  either  there 
is  a  broken  heait  or  an  extorttd  sanction.  They  ought  to  be 
taught  the  real  grounds  of  objection,  and  that  where  Heaven  has 
entailed  such  consequences.  His  Will  is  maniftst,  and  that 
their  parents  are  therefore  inexorable.  This  would  not  be  a 
remedy  in  all  cases,  but  it  would  be  a  preventive  in  a  great 
many. 

lieasoning  about  love  is  very  difficult,  because  it  varies  so 
much ;  but  I  believe  it  is  a  rule  that  pure  and  noble  love  must 
have  begun  in  esteem,  at  least  on  the  woman's  side.  Men  know 
so  little  in  reality  of  women,  and  credit  them  with  so  much,  that 
they  are  ready  to  fall  in  love  with  mere  beauty,  fancying  that 
the  fair  face  must  be  the  index  to  every  perfection.  But 
woman's  affection  is  generally  much  more  independent  of  mere 
externals.  If  she  can  honestly  believe  /lijn  to  be  the  most 
perfect  specimen  of  manly  beauty  in  the  universe,  it  is  an 
additional  pleasure  to  her,  and  she  thinks  better  of  handsome 
men  on  his  account  ;  but  it  is  no^  his  physical  beauty  that  has 
won  her  heart.  Either  it  is  his  loving  her,  or  else  it  is  soma 
high  or  supposed  high  quality  on  his  part. 


1C8  WOMANKIND. 

There  is  a  love,  very  deep  and  true,  that  sometimes  has  hcen 
excited  by  one  known  in  early  youth,  before  he  proved  himself 
unworthy  ;  and  there  are  hearts  which,  when  thus  given,  can 
never  be  taken  away  again,  but  love  on  in  sadness,  distinguishing 
between  the  sinner  and  the  sin.  Such  love  is  faithful  and 
tender,  and  as  long  as  it  does  not  love  the  sin  as  well  as  the 
sinner  it  is  ennobling  ;  but  if  it  excuses  or  defends  the  error,  it 
pulls  down  the  woman  from  the  standard  to  which  at  length  she 
might  yet  raise  him. 

But  love  to  one  who  is  not  worthy  of  it  in  the  first  instance  is 
beneath  a  woman  of  right  mind,  and  happily  not  common.  !Mr. 
Trollope  has  represented  his  Emily  Hotspur  as  dying  of  love  for 
the  good-fur-nothing  cousin,  whom  she  first  met  with  the  perfect 
knowledge  of  his  being  a  scamp,  and  with  no  subject  in  comniou 
but  horses.  It  is  an  insult  to  womanhood  to  represent  such 
things  as  possible,  and  I  do  not  lliink  they  are.  Good  girls  may 
be  deceived,  may  have  illusions,  but  they  are  not  attracted  by 
whnt  is  essentially  base,  mean,  and  dissipated. 

The  sweet  moment  of  the  discovery  of  loving  and  being  loved 
comes,  and  therewith  the  trials.  Pa>ents  may  not  see  as  many 
perfections  in  the  lover  as  the  young  lady  herself,  and  may 
hesitate  to  entrust  her  to  him ;  or  there  may  be  considerations  of 
prudence,  which  render  them  unwilling  to  give  a  free  consent  ; 
or  there  may  be  objections  on  the  part  of  the  gentleman's  family. 
In  all  these  cases,  there  is  nothing  for  it  but  patience  ami 
obedience.  Take  the  first  case.  The  father  has  far  better  means 
of  knowing  the  truth  as  to  the  man's  character  than  the  giil 
herself  can  have.  What  may  seem  to  her  horribly  unjust  and 
]>rejudiced  may  be  the  sad  truth,  and  to  persist  in  an  engagement 
in  the  teeih  of  such  opposition  is  flat  disobedience.  Nobody 
can  deprive  lier  of  the  power  of  loving  and  praying  for  him  ; 
but  if  the  opinion  of  him  be  ill-founded,  he  will  prove  it  so  in 
time  j  and  if  his  affection  be  worth  having,  he  will  return  to 
her.  If  he  were  really  unworthy,  there  will  be  reason  for 
thankfulness  that  submission  has  saved  her  from  unhappiness 
far  worse  than  her  youthful  disappointment,  though  it  may  not 


COURTSHIP.  169 

SO  seem  to  her  at  the  time.  She  may  suppose  thnt  if  she  were 
peimitted  to  see,  or  write,  or  be  engaged  to  him,  she  could  sav« 
him;  but  let  her  remember  ihat,  however  prejudiced  her  parents 
may  be,  or  may  seem  to  her,  disobedience  is  evil,  and  she  has 
ao  right  to  do  evil  that  good  may  come,  ^'^o  good  will  come  if 
she  is  overcome  of  evil.     She  must  overcome  evil  with  good. 

So,  also,  when  there  is  the  question  of  discrepancy  of  faith.  A 
Church-woman  ought  not  to  suCer  herself  to  become  attached  to  a 
man  outside  her  own  Church.  If  he  be  in  earnest  in  his  religion, 
he  cannot  but  try  to  bring  her  over  to  him  ;  if  he  be  not,  she 
ought  not  to  marry  him  at  all.  In  the  heyd.iy  of  youth  and 
life  religious  dilTerences  seem  of  no  great  moment,  when,  as 
people  say,  their  hearts  are  right,  and  their  hopes  the  same ;  but 
when  trouble  or  any  stringency  of  life  comes,  then  the  difl'erence 
of  the  foundations  becomes  pain  and  grief,  and  the  most  pious 
of  the  two  will  absorb  the  other. 

And  as  to  the  more  common  trial,  alas  !  of  the  present  day, 
that  of  finding  the  man  a  sceptic,  yet;  talking  of  being  so 
unwillingly,  and  still  unblemished  in  character.  Then  St.  Paul 
speaks  plainly  about  the  being  yoked  with  unbelievers.  The 
believing  wife,  who  may  sanctify  her  husband,  is  one  already 
married  before  her  own  conversion  ;  but  no  woman  has  a  right 
to  marry  a  man  who,  in  the  pride  of  intellect  or  out  of  mere 
imitation,  has  thrown  away  the  faith  once  delivered  to  the  sauits. 
He  may  say  that  he  respects  her  faith,  but  his  contempt  for  it 
as  fit  for  women  acts  on  her.  Much  better  that  hearts  should 
break  than  the  sin  be  done,  and  mayhap  her  maityrdom  of 
steadfastness  is  the  surest  way  to  hie  conviction. 

The  case  is  harder  when  the  objection  is  on  the  ground  of 
insufficient  means.  There  is  so  much  to  be  said  about  not  looking 
forward,  and  the  present  misery  is  so  great,  that  it  is  not  easy 
to  believe  that  those  who  inflict  it  do  so  from  the  desire  to  prevent 
greater  distress  in  future  ;  but,  here  again,  obedience  must  be  the 
principle,  and  those  not  under  the  glamour  of  actual  love  cannot 
fail  to  see  that  to  bind  upon  a  man  the  weight  of  a  family  he  can 
barely  support  and  cannot  educate,  is  often  the  destruction  of 


170  WOMANKIND. 

his  health,  spirits,  and  efficiency.  The  girl  may  fancy  that  she  will 
be  his  help  and  not  his  hindrance,  but  she  cannot  answer  for  her 
own  health  and  strength.  The  place  where  his  business  lies  may 
disagree  with  her,  and  all  her  best  designs  and  youthful  energy 
may  fade  into  querulous  slovenliness,  under  the  depressing 
influence  of  constant  ailments.  She  will  see  her  husband 
haggard,  Avorn,  and  altered,  and  feel  incapable  of  cheering 
him. 

This  is  what  her  father  and  mother  see  before  her,  and  dread, 
while  she  is  thinking  them  cruel  and  worldly,  and  wishing  she 
could  reduce  them  to  reason  by  a  little  bad  health ;  nay, 
sometimes  contriving  actually  to  do  so,  by  pining  and  fretting 
herself  ill. 

But  am  I  defending  Avorldliness,  or  AA'ishing  no  one  to  marry  into 
poverty  ?  Ey  no  means  ;  but  I  do  not  think  that  such  marriages 
ought  to  be  made  very  early,  and  without  full  trial  of  the  affection 
that  prompts  them. 

It  is  a  strange  thing  to  say,  but  experience  proves  it,  that 
nothing  is  so  uncertain  as  constancy.  Frimd  facie  we  should 
say,  that  to  "  love  one  and  love  no  more,"  and  never  to  swerve 
from  the  first  serious  attachment  of  a  life,  was  the  part  of  the 
finest  and  greatest  characters  ;  but  real  life  does  not  show  that 
it  is  always  so.  Some  natures  recover,  and  open  to  a  new 
affection  after  being  thwarted  and  separated  from  the  first ; 
others  never  cease  to  retain  the  first  treasure  of  their  hearts,  and 
can  be  happy  Avith  no  one  else. 

Xow  if  the  love  be  of  this  kind,  it  Avill  bear  waiting  till 
industry  shall  enable  a  sufficient  provision  to  be  made  to  prevent 
actual  living  from  hand  to  mouth  on  the  gains  of  the  bread- 
Avinner,  so  that  any  breakdown  on  his  part  must  lead  to  distress. 
If  the  man  cannot,  while  single,  exercise  self-command  enough 
to  do  this,  he  certainly  is  not  fit  to  trust  a  wife  to.  Professional 
men  ought  to  make  such  saving,  and,  in  these  days  of  employ- 
ment for  women,  it  might  be  possible  for  the  lady  to  work  on 
her  side  for  some  years.  And  in  the  case  of  clergymen,  it  is  an 
ftbs^^ute  duty  to  the  Church  not  to  burthen  her  revenues  Avith 


COURTSHIP.  171 

the  support  of  wives  and  children.  A  clergyman  who  marriesi 
without  a  private  fortune  may  have  to  saddle  his  clerical  income 
with  much  that  it  was  not  intended  for  ;  and  if  he  be  the  incum- 
bent of  a  poor  living,  or  a  curate,  he  brings  his  profession  into 
contempt,  and  cripples  his  charities.  A  girl  who  lilies  to  visit 
cottages,  train  the  choir,  and  teach  at  school,  is  said  to  be  cut  out 
for  a  clergyman's  wife ;  but  if  she  marry  on  an  income  too  small 
to  provide  servants  to  look  after  her  household  and  children,  she 
will  have  no  time  to  assist  her  husband  in  his  parish  cares,  and 
no  alms  to  bestow ;  nay,  she  and  her  family  are  themselves 
consuming  what  the  Church  provides  in  order  that  her  priest 
may  be  her  almoner.  "  A  good  living  "  ought  not  to  be  looked  on 
simply  as  a  good  thing  to  marry  on,  but  as  a  means  of  doing  a 
great  deal  for  our  Lord  in  His  Church.  Private  means  alone 
give  a  right  to  a  marriage  with  a  clergyman  ;  and  if  an  affection 
springs  up,  and  an  engagement  ensues,  the  lady,  as  the  lay 
party,  ought  to  work,  save,  or  inherit  enough  for  a  provision 
before  she  marries.  Of  course,  no  one  thinks  that  celibacy  ought 
to  be  the  rule,  or  that  a  clergyman's  wife  and  family  are  not 
often  a  great  blessing  to  a  parish  ;  indeed,  the  clergyman's  sons, 
who  are  to  be  found  in  every  profession,  are  one  great  means  of 
keeping  up  a  good  understanding  betvi^een  clergy  and  laity, 
rich  and  poor.  But  this  benefit  can  seldom  come  when  on  one 
side  or  the  other  there  are  not  means  to  bring  up  a  family 
Avithout  such  support  from  the  benefice  as  renders  it  either 
totally  dependent  on  the  father's  life,  or  during  his  life,  obliges 
him  so  entirely  to  apply  to  his  parishioners  for  all  needs  of 
Church,  school,  or  charity,  that  it  almost  amounts  to  tlie 
voluntary  system.  The  laity  should  for  their  own  sake  supply 
such  needs,  but  for  every  reason,  the  clergyman  should  be  able 
to  do  without  them. 

The  Greek  clergy  must,  indeed,  marry,  and  their  families  are 
provided  for ;  but  their  social  status  is  like  that  of  a  Scottish 
or  German  minister,  and  no  one  could  bear  to  see  our  clergy  no 
more  influential  than  these  last.  "  They  who  preach  the  Gospel 
should  live  of  the  Gospel ; "  but  this  can  hardly  be  stretched  to 


1 72  WOMANKIND. 

mean  the  superior  e<lucation  and  general  ease  and  liberality 
with  which  a  clergyman  must  live  if  he  is  to  have  his  mind 
free  for  his  duties,  and  be  re:<pected.  Debt,  the  need  of  pupils, 
want  of  freedom  to  act,  or  even  to  aid,  lie  in  wait  for  the 
clergyman  who  has  overburthened  himself  with  family  cares  ; 
and  this  should  be  borne  in  mind  by  the  young  girls  who  think 
it  a  grand  unworldly  and  pious  thing  to  engage  themselves  to 
clergymen  without  a  hope  of  any  inheritance  on  either  side, 
and  with  the  remote  chance  of  living. 

This  sounds  hard-hearted  ;  but  it  must  be  remembered  that 
the  position  of  most  clergymen  in  England  makes  them  marry 
into  a  class  which  cannot  well  dispense  with  comforts  and 
luxuries,  and  that  stern  severe  poverty  in  a  single  man  does  not 
impede  usefulness  nor  diminish  rtspt ct ;  but  that  they  do  so  in 

a  married  man.     A  shabby  wife — poor  little  Mrs. ,  whom 

everybody  pities  and  patronizes— is  no  benefit  to  the  Church. 

But  this  is  not  saying  that  people  had  not  much  better  marry 
when  they  have  all  human  security  of  provision  to  fall  back  on 
in  rase  of  need.  It  is  very  good  for  them  to  begin  poor,  and  to 
d'speiise  with  display,  and  some  merely  conventional  wants.  If 
tlipy  have  aff''ction  enough  to  do  this  and  be  happy  in  it,  then 
they  may  well  marry  with  brave  heart  and  hope. 

How  much  ought  to  be  secure,  I  will  not  sa}'-,  because  every- 
thing is  relative.  "  I  waited  till  I  had  two  pigs  in  my  sty,  and  then 
1  knew  I  was  a  match  for  any  woman,"  said  an  old  cottager  ;  and 
the  foresight  and  self-denial  which  enabled  him  to  start  with  the 
two  pigs  are  the  real  essentials,  without  which  none  can  prosper. 

Long  engagements  then,  with  patient  steady  diligence  and 
hope  at  the  end,  do  not  seem  to  me  to  be  deprecated,  but  rather 
to  be  good  for  both  parties,  who  can  lean  on  each  other's 
characleis  while  working  and  waiting  for  one  another.  Nor 
need  the  man  do  all  the  working  and  the  woman  all  the  waiting, 
aci-ording  to  the  traditional  fashion,  in  which  she  has  nothing  to 
do  but  to  be  resigned,  and  pine  and  be  a  faded  old  rag  by  the 
time  he  is  ready  for  her.  This  is  what  parents  fear  when  they 
say  they  do  not  approve  of  long  engagements,  but  there  is  no 


COURTSHIP.  173 

reason  why  the  daujhtiT  shonhl  ]iine.  She  •will  pro^->ably  not 
eatn  inoney  (though  in  some  cases  she  might  do  so),  but  she  can 
surely  fiud  f^ome  occupation  which  will  prepare  her  lor  being  of 
use  as  a  Avife,  whether  in  dmiesfic  economy,  or  in  cultivating 
some  art  or  other  pursuit  likely  to  be  congenial  to  her  future 
husband.  Moments  of  weariness  and  sickness  of  heart  will 
certainly  come,  but  in  general  a  cheerful  resolution,  strong 
faithful  trust,  and  sustained,  activity  wLU  bear  the  spirits 
through. 

Tiust  there  must  be.  Love  without  trust  is  no  love  at  all, 
and  there  should  be  a  stout  resolution  taken  agaiust  frets, 
jealousies,  and  exactingness.  The  old  Latin  Grammar  proverb 
that  the  ire  of  lovers  is  the  re-integration  of  love,  is  a  dangerous 
onp,  for  if  true  once,  each  successive  re-integraLion  will  be 
slighter  and  slighter.  In  fact,  most  of  the  stock  sayings  about 
lovers  ate  founded  on  the  uncertain,  wayward,  petulant  creature 
that  the  "  very  woman"  was  bef  >re  she  was  educated  and  self- 
restrained.  The  caresses,  and  squabbles,  and  reconciliations  here 
meant  are  like  those  of  a  couple  of  children  always  quarrelling 
yet  who  cannot  play  apart,  not  those  of  beings  in  earnest. 
Fretful  complaints  of  supposed  neglect — nay,  of  real  neglect — 
are  not  the  way  to  keep  affection. 

One  proverb  is  indeed  eminpntly  and  exceptionally  true, 
namely,  that  on  Love's  blindness.  Some  time  or  other,  either 
before  or  after  marriage,  part  at  lea?t  of  the  dimness  will  be 
removed,  and  the  parties  will  have  to  perceive  that  they  mu-t 
make  the  best  of  one  another,  instead  of  finding  absolute  and 
adoring  perfection,  ready  to  have  only  one  will  between  them. 

Kow,  a  real  engagement,  though  not  ratified  as  betrothah 
ought  to  be  a  sort  of  marriage  of  the  spirits,  the  gaining  to  each 
of  the  "  angel  friend  to  share  in  everlasting  rest,"  and  therefore 
the  entering  on  it  should  not  be  lightly  made,  far  less  should  it 
be  lightly  abandoned.  That  it  is  not  irrevocable  is  indeed  well, 
since  there  may  be  cases  where  the  comprehension  of  each  other 
was  imperfect,  or  where  some  unhappy  change  has  come  over 
one  or  other,  and  to  persist  would  be  the  greater  evil ;  but  even 


174  WOMANKIND. 

then  there  ig  a  'brolvcn  pledge,  and  the  one  who  is  disloyal  his 
much  to  answer  for.  Once  engaged,  a  girl  has  need  to  take 
care  that  hei  spirits  and  love  of  notice  do  not  betray  her  into 
looks  and  words  disloyal  to  her  lover  and  unfair  to  other  men. 
She  may  be  secure  in  her  own  heartfelt  allegiance  to  him,  but  to 
toy  with  it  is  not  only  unsafe  but  wrong. 

Why  do  I  say  these  things  ]  Everybody  knows  them,  every- 
body finds  fault  with  those  who  do  them,  and  yet  when  the 
trial  comes,  girls  do  them,  and  laugh  off  the  censure,  and  throw 
away — 1  will  not  say  their  happiness — but  the  true  glory  of 
fidelity. 

One  more  thought.  When  a  man  gives  a  woman  his  love  in 
full  earnest,  thenceforth  her  personal  qualities  are  so  much 
positive  or  negative  quantity  added  to  his  own.  If  the  motto 
of  both  alike  be 

**  I  could  not  love  fhce,  dear,  so  muc!i, 
Loved  I  not  honour  more," 

the  woman  will  be  even  here  in  her  own  way  her  lover's  Beatrice, 
raising  and  lighting  him  with  her  own  spiritual  nature,  and 
purifying  the  current  of  earthly  love  with  tho  Water  of  Life 
itself. 

For  surely  they  are  most  in  love 

Who  love  but  only  Thee. 
Or  if  upon  earth's  darksome  breast 

They  find  some  spirit  rare, 
Which,  bright  and  true  beyond  the  rest, 

Gives  back  Thine  Image  fair  ; 
"With  thaidfful,  not  adoring  gaze, 

'Tis  theirs  to  look  and  muse, 
How  glorious  the  meridian  blazo 

If  such  the  twilight  hues." 

Happy  are  hearts  linked  together  "in  Christ,'*  with  His 
honour  and  glory  ruling  over  their  love  for  one  another.  They 
are  safe ;  whatever  storms  may  blow  over  them,  theirs  is 
emphatically  true  love,  refining  and  ennobling  each. 


COURTSHIP.  175 

The  strong  man  will  make  all  sacrifices  to  the  ri^lit  with,  a 
freer  and  more  gladsome  spirit,  if  she  whom  he  loves  goes  along 
with  him,  and  cheers  him  to  the  eifort,  yea,  even  if  it  be  one 
which  keeps  them  apart;  but  if  she  weeps  over  what  he  thinks 
his  duty,  tries  to  find  reasons  why  he  may  do  otherwise,  thinks 
his  sacrifice  almost  an  unkindness  to  herself,  she  may  perchance 
break  his  resolution  and  draw  him  down  to  her  own  level ;  or  if 
he  be  too  strong  for  this,  she  will  send  him  forth  on  his  way 
wounded  and  sore  with  resistance. 

Since  vanity  and  worldliness,  or  weary  affectionate  impatience 
for  their  union,  may  turn  the  scale  in  some  decision  on  some 
situation  of  doubtfid  good,  or  lead  to  questionable  means  to 
secure  promotion,  in  such  matters  nothing  is  so  important  as 
that  her  eyes  should  be  clear,  her  heart  true  and  faithful,  as 
a  course  of  endless  evil  may  be  begun,  the  wreck  of  a  whole 
lifetime. 

Yes,  from  the  moment  a  man  puts  his  heart  into  the  hands 
of  a  woman  she  has  the  responsibility  of  his  life.  She  should 
try  her  ufemost  to  keep  her  thoughts  in  a  different  region  from, 
the  conventionalities  that  surround  lovers,  and  which  aro 
only  innocent  when  they  are  the  mere  outward  sport  of 
happiness,  not  interfering  with  the  deeper,  loftier,  more  solemn 
thoughts. 

The  flutter  of  excitement  and  importance,  the  presents,  the 
wardrobe,  the  dress,  the  bridesmaids,  are  so  much  brought 
forward  in  these  days,  that  there  is  often  a  risk  of  greater  things 
being  forgotten.  It  is  true  that  marriage  is  a  joyful  rite,  and 
an  emblem  of  a  great  and  joyful  mystery,  and  a  wedding  is 
looked  on  as  an  occasion  for  gratifying  aU  manner  of  friends  and 
relations  on  either  side,  who  would  be  hurt  if  there  were  not  a 
great  display. 

For  whose  happiness  are  all  the  expense  and  turmoil  it  is 
hard  to  say.  Certainly  not  for  the  bridegroom's,  who  only, 
wishes  he  could  go  through  it  under  chloroform,  and  has  had 
besides  to  present  out  of  means  which  sometimes  can  ill  afford 
it,  an  unmeaning  gardener's  bouquet,  and  an  expensive  present 


176  WOMAXKIND, 

to  ten  or  twelve  girls  he  neither  knows  nor  cares  aTjont,  and  somo 
of  whom,  are  only  chosen  to  make  up  the  pairs,  and  that  their 
dress  may  serve  as  a  milliner's  advertisement  in  the  country 
papers.  Nor  can  it  be  much  pleasure  to  the  bride's  mother  to 
be  contrivincr  for  a  breakfast  beyond  the  capacities  of  house  or 
servants.  AVhile  as  to  many  of  the  guests  they  have  felt  it  a 
heavy  tax  to  have  to  make  a  present,  not  out  of  love,  but  because 
it  is  expected  of  them,  and  not  with  a  view  to  use  or  appro- 
priateness, but  to  the  figure  it  will  cut  in  the  tropliy  of  presents 
erected  on  a  side-table  to  be  enumerated  in  the  county  paper  by 
the  reporter.  And  where  the  name  is  well  known,  family 
affection  cannot  make  a  simple  gift  without  being  stuck  up, 
enumerated,  and  commented  on  perhups  through  a  whole  series 
of  newspapers.  There  is  a  general  misery  about  speeches,  and 
much  fulsome  folly  talked.  The  bride's  good-byes  are  interrupted 
by  the  necessity  of  exhibiting  her  to  gossipping  friends,  and 
she  drives  away  amid  the  old  shoes,  which,  if  they  have  any 
meaning  at  all,  have  a  heathen  meaning.  Everybody  wanders 
about  disconsolately,  -wishing  to  get  away.  They  tell  the  mother 
it  is  a  very  pretty  wedding,  but  they  agree  afterwards  that 
nothing  is  so  dull.  Who  is  the  happier?  Perhaps  the  youngest 
guests,  and  certainly  the  little  nursemaids  and  idle  boys  who 
crowd  into  church  after  the  procession,  so  that  the  service  is 
interspersed  with  infantine  murmurs.  And  the  readers  of  the 
county  paper  have  a  few  idle  moments  amused  by  the  techni- 
calities of  the  report,  which  tells  every  dress  like  a  fashion-book 
(I  have  even  seen  "  washing  silks"  particularised),  and  enumerates 
all  the  tradesmen  who  furnished  eatables,  flowers,  &c. 

And  for  this  the  great  proportion  of  English  weddings  are 
made  atiairs  of  flurry,  worry,  and  display,  so  as  to  put  to  flight 
not  only  all  the  poetical  graces,  but  too  often  all  the  higher  and 
purer  thoughts.  The  true  Feast  which  sanctifies  the  wedding 
and  brings  Christ  to  bless  the  rejoicings  is  often  omitted  from  a 
sense  of  incongruity  with  such  a  mere  spectacle,  or  from  fear  of 
offending  somebody  on  one  side  or  another ;  and  when  it  does 
take  place,  it  is  a  stumbling-block  to  some,  while  this  and  the 


WIVES.  177 

presence  of  the  choir  ohtain  for  it  in  the  ne"wspapers  that  vulgar 
announcement,  "  A  Ritualistic  Wedding." 

What  is  to  be  done  then  ]  The  Feast  of  Cana  was  a  feast 
indeed,  but  have  not  "\ve  renounced  the  pomps  and  vanities  of 
this  wicked  world  1  and  why  should  they  be  showered  on  these 
occasions  so  as  almost  to  smother  the  service  of  God  under  that 
of  mammon  ?  Why  should  not  the  announcement  Avith  which 
people  so  often  begin,  that  it  is  to  be  a  quiet  wedding,  he  adhered 
to  1  Why  should  scores  of  civility  he  paid  off  to  indifferent 
people,  and  display  be  provided  to  amuse  them  1  Why  shoidd 
not  the  marriage  take  place  in  really  early  morning,  with  the 
Celebration  at  its  fit  time,  and  only  attended  hy  the  bride's 
maidens,  the  neares-t  and  dearest  to  hoth,  and  hy  those  friends 
and  relatives  whose  hearts  are  in  the  matter  ] 

Later  in  the  day  thtre  might,  according  to  the  circumstances 
of  the  family,  he  full  festival,  including  neighbours,  and  above 
all,  those  special  guests  of  our  Lord's  own  AVedding  Feast,  the 
poor  and  the  maimed,  the  halt  and  the  blind. 

INIight  not  this,  for  the  very  reason  that  it  w^uld  be  a  grievance 
to  this  world,  he  more  like  a  Christian  wedding,  and  a  safer 
beginuing  of  the  joint  journey  through  life  i 


CHAPTER  XX IL 

WIVES. 


The  new  lights  contemn  the  vow  of  obedience.  Some  clergy- 
men say  that  they  find  brides  trying  to  slur  over  the  word  obey  ; 
and  the  advanced  school  are  said  to  prefer  a  civil  marriage 
because  it  can  thus  be  avoided. 

Womankind  in  general  is,  however,  still  Christian  enough  to 
accept  her  lot,  and  though  often  thuiking  of  her  obedience 
lightly,  and  as  a  scirt  of  joke,  she  knows  by  general  example, 
even  if  she  have  no  deeper  thoughts,  tiiat  her  husband  must  be 


1  I  O  "WOMANKIND. 

mfistcr,  and  that  hers  iniist  he  the  second  plnre.  If  her  thoncfhts 
are  deep,  they  go  to  the  great  mystery  of  which  mai'iiuge  is  the 
type:— 

"Sliowin^  how  Tiost  the  soul  may  ding 
To  her  celestial  Spouse  and  King, 
How  He  should  rule,  and  she  with  meek  dosire  approve." 

In  these  days  of  early  love  she  realizes  no  difficulty,  and  can 
only  think  of  the  wills  and  tastes  as  one,  as  no  doubt  they  are 
•when  fused  together  in  the  golden  mist  of  happiness  in  the 
festal  days  of  the  honeymoon. 

By  the  by,  may  it  be  hinted  here  that  it  would  often  be  wise 
when  the  bride  is  very  young,  has  never  been  abroad,  and  has 
no  maid  with  hpr.  not  to  make  the  wedding  trip  amid  the 
discomforts  and  novelties  of  foreign  hotels,  involving  fatigues 
and  embarrassments  not  only  very  distressing,  but  sometimes 
leaving  lasting  effects  on  the  health,  when  the  young  husband, 
ignorant  what  his  new  charge  can  do,  overtaxes  her  strength, 
and  she.  unwilling  to  hang  back  or  complain,  undergoes  serious 
damage.  Besides,  they  will  really  enjoy  every  novelty  much 
more  when  they  are  used  to  one  another ;  for  at  the  first  it  is 
each  other's  presence  in  peace  that  they  really  care  for,  and  that 
can  best  be  had  in  some  quiet  pretty  resort  in  England,  or  in  a 
t'Hir  amid  the  biist  home  scenery.  Then  comes  that  first  year, 
which  those  who  have  had  happy  lives  now  and  then  confess  to 
have  been  the  most  trying.  There  must  be  a  time  in  all  new 
companionships  when  the  company  feeling  goes  off,  and  what 
has  been  unconsciously  kept  back  of  the  true  selves  begins  to 
show  itself,  'No  two  people  can  be  so  absolutely  alike  as  not  to 
have  some  diffcrpnt  washes  and  opinions,  some  unlike  tastes, 
some  habits  that  jar  on  one  another ;  and  a  compromise  must 
be  found,  before  they  grow  into  that  absolute  oneness  which 
hiipiiily  is  so  frequent.  Love  and  unselfishness  best  lead  to 
that  compromise,  not  fretting  and  wearing ;  but  it  is  well  if  that 
accordance  be  by  drawing  one  to  a  higher  level,  not  by  the 
other  coming  down.     1  do  not  moan  down  in  a  social  point  of 


■WIVE3.  179 

view,  but  in  a  moral  and  religious.  It  is  one  tiling  to  acquiesce 
ill  "poor  Clare's"  abliorreuce,  a  bread  and  clieese  supper,  and 
another  to  give  up  a  Suaday  afternoon  to  amusement. 

The  apprenticuship  to  the  new  trade  of  mistress  of  a  house  ia 
apt  to  be  severe,  even  if  the  young  wife  have  any  former 
knoAvledge,  for  she  has  to  adapt  herself  to  a  different  scale,  and 
to  rule  over  a  new  set  of  servants.  Theory,  if  she  have  ever  so 
much,  is  very  difficult  to  reduce  to  practice,  and  she  is  pretty 
Bure  to  have  failures  and  difficulties  which  interfere  with  that 
excellent  ideal  with  which  she  started  of  always  having  the 
most  delicious  little  dinners  in  the  world  for  her  husband,  afc 
the  least  possible  cost,  and  with  the  most  cheerful  face. 

And  if  the  servants  are  troublesome,  or  the  butcher  vexatious, 
it  h  not  easy  to  realize  at  once  that  tho  repetition  of  such 
misfortunes  is  not  entertaining  to  the  man  who  has  hitherto 
shown  such  sympathy,  but  who  proves  on  trial  to  believe  that 
vromeu  can  always  produce  excellent  meals  without  any  trouble 
or  preparation  worth  mentioniug ;  and,  moreover,  feels  himself 
a  most  seriously  injured  party  in  any  failure. 

However,  failures  work  experience,  and  a  woman  of  any 
fensG  or  spirit  v.'ill  learn  her  way  through  these  details  in  a 
year  or  two,  if  she  really  tries,  and  does  not  lapse  into  either  a 
helpless,  or  a  scrambling  state.   - 

There  are  four  kinds  of  wives — the  cowed  woman,  the  dead- 
weight, the  maUirsse  fcmme,  and  the  helpmeet. 

Of  the  cowed  woman  there  is  not  much  to  say.  Poor  thing  I 
she  has  generally  made  a  mistake.  She  is  a  weak  woman, 
married  to  a  rough,  hard,  sneeiing,  or  violent  man,  so  that  her 
life  is  spent  in  trembling  cnduraucs,  and  endeavours  to  avoid 
exciting  his  anger  towards  herself  or  his  children ;  often,  too, 
in  the  pitcously  loyal  attempt  to  conceal  from  her  nearest  and 
best  friends  that  anything  is  amiss.  Her  great  danger  is  of 
being  driven  into  falsehood  by  her  timidity,  of  acquiescing  in 
what  she  knows  to  be  ^^Tong,  and  often  of  becoming  dull  and 
dead  to  the  only  Voice  of  comfort,  like  the  Israeiit.  s  when  they 
would  not  hearken  to  Muses  from  anguish  of  heart  and  heavy 

N  2 


180  WOMANKIND 

bondage.  If  she  can  keep  her  heart  open  to  this  messnge,  if 
she  can  be  firm  in  acting  up  to  her  own  standard,  if  she 
preserve  perfect  truth,  and  never  let  herself  fall  into  the  snare 
of  shuffling  to  avoid  anger,  but  is  always  gentle  and  patient, 
then  she  is  no  longer  cowed,  and  is  most  likely  in  time  to  gain 
the  reward  of  meekness.  Only  she  must  remember  that  meek- 
ness does  not  mean  looking  like  a  reproachful  victim.  lieal 
Meekness  smiles  even  with  the  tear  in  her  eye,  and  does  her 
best  to  make  the  soft  answer  a  cheerful  one. 

The  deadweight  cannot  exist  without  a  fond  husband,  who 
will  let  her  lie  prone  upon  him.  She  has  generally  been  a 
selfish,  spodt  chiLl,  and  she  goes  on  expecting  everything  to  be 
done  for  her,  and  everything  to  give  way  to  her  convenience. 
She  does  not  demand  it  in  a  loud  or  vehement  way,  but  she 
just  sinks  down  iu  despair  with  a  soft  and  piteous  glance,  or  a 
few  plaintive  words  of  submission  to  the  direst  consequences. 
It  is  not  acting;  she  really  believes  in  the  danger,  and  it  gener- 
ally en-ures  her  the  victory.  The  f^ar  of  her  being  ill  will  make 
her  husband  consent  to  almost  anything,  and  she  has  only  to  be 
unhappy,  fretful,  and  altogether  '*  discomfoi table"  long  enough 
to  get  lier  own  way,  keep  him  from  carrying  out  any  plan  she 
dislikes,  and  sometimes  to  make  him  act  agaiust  his  own  better 
judgment,  and  give  up  his  plain  duty.  The  very  best  of  men 
finds  it  almost  beyond  hutnaa  nature  to  carry  out  some  noble 
scheme  of  self-sacrifice,  if,  so  far  fiom  being  encouraged  at 
home,  he  is  fretted  at,  moaned  at,  and  treated  with  repror.cliful 
resignation,  as  one  who  has  no  love  of,  nor  heed  for,  the 
interests  of  his  wife  and  children. 

There  are  two  ways  of  being  deadweights,  physically  and 
morally.  The  first  comes  by  paying  great  attention  to  all 
ailments  or  fatigues,  and  making  them  a  plea  for  being  waiteil 
on,  and  being  ol  no  use,  though  of  a  good  deal  of  importance, 
while  doing  nothing  save  for  one's  own  pleasure.  The  other 
deail weight  is  alnio-t  worse,  though  she  may  be  an  excellent 
housewife  and  car<  ful  mother.  If  she  is  like  the  wife  of 
Miss  Thackeray's  Giani   Killer,  or   like   Mrs.    Gaskell's   Mrs. 


W1VE3.  181 

Dub-on,  without  mind  or  energy  for  anything  but  the  physical 
well-beii)g  of  her  family,  her  own  amusement,  dress,  or  aggiau- 
disenient,  discouraging  everything  above  the  ordinary  cotn- 
mouplace  standard  of  conventionality,  hating  almost  jealously 
conversation  that  interests  her  husband,  but  is  beyond  her  powers, 
and  grudging  all  that  is  not  spent  on  her  own  petty  notions  of 
the  suitable  ;  then  she  is  indeed  a  deadweight  on  liis  souL 

Another  sort  of  deadweight  wife  is  she  who  thinks  her  dress 
and  pleasure  the  aim  and  purpose  of  her  family's  existence, 
neglects  everything  else  for  these,  or  el-^e  makes  all  subservient, 
and  sulks  or  cries  if  any  attempt  is  made  to  set  boun^ls  to  her 
expectations  of  amus^^ment.  If  a  wife  be  occupied,  not  with. 
what  she  would  call  frivolity,  but  with  literature,  science,  or 
even  philaiitliropy,  and  leaves  her  husband  to  be  uncomfortable, 
and  with  tlie  burthen  of  the  family  cares  on  his  shoulders,  she 
is  a  deadweight  wife. 

There  are  two  terrible  instances  of  deadweight  wives  on 
record.  One  in  the  Great  RebelJion,  whose  terror  at  the  siege 
of  the  castle,  her  husband  commanded,  so  unnerved  him  that  he 
surrendered,  and  was  shot  as  a  traitor  to  his  cause ;  the  other, 
tlie  lady  whose  behaviour  in  a  shipwreck  had  the  same  effect  on 
her  hnsband,  leading  to  the  rule  which  forbids  officers  in  the 
navy  from  taking  thtir  wives  in  the  same  shij).  Many  women 
do  rise  in  the  supreme  moment.  There  is  truth  in  the  lines  in 
Marmii>n,  but  it  is  not  a  universal  rule,  for  the  woman  who 
has  only  thought  of  herself  may,  "  when  pain  and  anguisb  wring 
the  brow,"  be  too  much  occupied  with  her  own  hysterics  to  be 
a  ministering  angel. 

Sometimes  these  deadweight  women,  by  leaving  all  the  home 
burthen  on  their  husband's  shoulders,  and  thus  depriving  him 
of  all  rest  and  ease  of  mind,  break  down  his  health  and 
spirits  ;  and  when  he  is  dying  they  come  to  life  too  late — but 
generally  to  relapse  and  become  a  deadweight  again  on  son, 
daughter,  friend,  or  patron. 

Nobudy  v/ishes  or  intends  to  be  this  kind  of  inconvenient 
being  ;  but  there  is  an  easy  slope  leading  to  that  condition. 


182  WOMANKIND. 

As  soon  as  a  wife  begins  to  give  way  more  than  can  be  helped 
to  languor  or  lassitude,  to  use  ailments  as  an  excuse  for  not 
trying  to  exert  herself,  and,  to  make  her  husband  the  person  to 
bear  the  brunt  of  everything,  sparing  herself  instead  of  him,  sho 
is  entering  on  that  slope  which  conducts  a  woman  to  be  nothing 
better  than  a  cumberer  of  the  ground.  1  believe  nothing  should 
be  so  dreaded  by  a  woman  as  to  tind  that  she  has  not  convinced 
her  husband's  judgment,  but  made  him  consent  to  some 
doubtful  pleasure,  as  Samson's  v/ife  did,  by  making  herjel^ 
miserable. 

The  laattresse  femme,  or  grey-mare,  di-dains  to  rule  by  weak- 
ness. She  likes  her  own  way,  and  wM  have  it,  getting  it 
generally  by  persevtrance  in  arguing,  sometimes  by  giving  way 
to  temper,  sometimes  by  sheer  obstinacy  and  going  her  own 
Avay,  sometimes  by  more  subtle  management.  Jt'  she  be  a 
wouian  of  gond  taste,  she  will  keep  the  fact  out  of  siglit  as 
much  as  possible;  if  of  bad  taste,  her  exclusive  selt-impoitance 
will  crop  out  everywhere,  and  it  will  be  no  secret  that  it  is  she 
who  must  be  cousultt  d  and  propiliated.  Where  the  greiit- r 
force  of  character  is  on  the  lady's  side,  it  is  perhaps  inevitable 
that  she  should  be  the  ruler;  but  this  does  not  necessarily 
make  her  the  obnoxious  maitresse  femme,  who  governs  with  a 
high  hand  by  force  of  vehemence  and  determination.  Iler  will 
is  never  broken  or  bent;  sh>i  will  give  up  nothing,  and  she  is 
never  in  the  wrong.  Either  she  volubly  argues  that  hers  is 
the  only  right  way,  or  she  cannot  argue  at  all ;  but  when  the 
most  convincing  reasons  against  her  proposition  have  been 
fid  luced,  reprodu'-es  it  in  the  oiiginal  form.  Moreover,  it 
lecomes  well  known  in  the  household  that  nothing  will  be 
accepted  that  does  not  emanate  from  herself,  and  ingenious 
means  are  sometimes  invented  of  so  suggesting  a  plan  that  she 
may  think  it  originated  with  hex.  She  is  jealous  and  distrustful 
of  all  her  husband's  belongings,  friends,  or  pleasures,  and  he 
generally  has  to  give  them  up  for  the  sake  of  peace.  Indeed 
she  generally  gets  him  into  capital  order  in  a  few  years,  for  he 
knows  that  she  can  make  herself  so  disagreeable  if  he  resists, 


WIVES.  183 

that,  having  no  escape,  he  makes  the  best  of  his  thraldora, 
sometimes  indulging  in  a  little  subdued  quizzing  of  himself 
and  her,  and  inlinitely  enjoying  any  chance  of  free  action. 

"  A  very  good  thing  for  him  too,"  says  the  lady  who  has  a 
very  poor  opinion  of  the  good  sense  of  the  other  sex.  Is  it 
a  good  thing  'i  Why,  is  it  not,  if  he  and  the  children  are  all 
kept  in  good  di5;ci[)line  ?  Why  is  the  general  instinct  of  the 
w^orld  against  it?  or  is  that  instinct  only  the  old  prejudice  ] 

1  suppose,  for  one  thing,  that  a  usurpation  can  never  be 
wholesome ;  moreover,  the  unyielding  will,  struggling  against 
and  conquering  God-given  authority,  must  have  evil  in  it :  and 
it  will  generally  be  found  that  where  one  passionate  will  has 
thus  assumed  the  whole  management,  some  great  and  ruinous 
mistake  of  judgment  will  ensue,  either  in  family  affairs,  or  in 
the  bringing  up  of  the  children,  or  both.  The  children  may  be 
thoroughly  kept  in  subjection,  but  they  will  have  a  sense  of 
harshness,  and  will  generally  be  found  to  have  less  love  for  such 
a  mother  than  is  often  felt  by  the  children  of  the  deadweight, 
who  are  apt  to  feel  a  sense  of  tender  protection.  The  grey-mare 
may  keep  down  the  hujband  who  chooe  her,  who  still  views  her 
Avith  the  old  love,  and  who  depends  on  her  by  habit  for  all  his 
comforts ;  but  she  cannot  restrain  her  gro wing-up  sons,  who 
shake  off  the  yoke  when  it  galls,  and  over  whom  she  has  no 
tender  influence  of  love ;  so  that  people  wonder  why  the  family 
that  seemed  so  well  disciplined  is  turning  out  so  ill. 

The  truth  is  that  self-will  is  as  fatal  as  selfishness,  being  ia 
fact  another  form  of  self  love  ;  and  there  is  no  true  success  or 
happiness  for  any  woman  who  has  not  learned  to  efface  her  self ; 
and  even  when  she  makes  the  utmost  sacrifices,  to  do  so  without 
seeking  the  smallest  credit  for  it. 

But  if  the  man  be  really  the  weaker  vessel,  ami  the  rule  is 
necessarily  in  the  wife's  hands,  how  is  it  then  to  be  1  To  tell 
the  truth,  1  believe  that  the  really  loving,  good  wife,  never  finds 
it  out.  She  keeps  the  glamour  of  love  and  loyalty  between 
herself  and  her  husband,  and  so  infuses  herself  into  him  that 
the  ■weukuesics  never  become  apparent  either  to  her,  to  him,  or 


184  WOMANKIND, 

to  most  lookers-on,  and  those  who  do  percoive  on  •which  side 
lies  the  strength,  respect  her  too  much  to  betray  their  suspicions, 
nay,  respect  him  too.  Often  no  one  knows  what  she  was  save 
Ly  the  diff^-rence  when  she  is  taken  away.  She  never  thinks 
about  her  individual  self  at  all, — she  only  dwells  on  what  is 
hest  for  him  and  what  will  help  him  most,  and  he  leans  more 
and  more  on  her,  generally  only  half  knowing  that  he  does  so  till 
lie  has  to  think  of  standing  apart.  His  physical  strength  and 
the  place  he  naturally  occupies  give  him  the  vantage-ground, 
and  thus  the  right  relation  is  kept  up. 

It  often  does  happen  that  the  husband's  tone  of  religious 
thought,  and  sometimes  his  principles  and  habits,  are  of  an 
inferior  kind  to  his  wife's,  who  has  married  in  bhndness  or  igno- 
rance. She  sometimes  has  to  suffer  much  in  consequence,  when 
he  first  begins  to  tire  of  the  quiet  lite  and  lack  of  excitement  at 
home.  Those  who  have  gone  through  such  an  ordeal  are  too 
loyal  to  describe  it  ;  and  men  on  their  side  have  been  heard  to 
say  that  they  wish  some  one  would  show  what  it  is  to  have  a 
wife,  who  fancies  that  they  are  in  mischief,  whenevei  they  come 
home  an  hour  later  than  usuaL 

I  believe  the  wife  should  do  her  best  never  to  suspect  hei 
husband  of  being  in  mischief ;  certainly  never  be  like  Tarn 
O'Shanter's  proverbial  wife,  "nursing  her  wrath  to  keep  it 
warm ; "  but  if  she  be  lonely  and  anxious,  she  should  try  firstly 
to  pray,  and  then  amuse  her  anxiety  away,  and  ket^p  a  bright, 
unsuspicious  face  to  gieet  the  truant  without  reproach  or  plain- 
tiveness.  If  she  can  find  anything  lively  or  pleasant  to  tell 
him,  so  much  the  better ;  and  if  he  bestows  any  tidings  on  her, 
or  shows  that  he  has  been  entertained,  she  had  much  better  smile 
and  sympathise.  The  worst  thing  she  can  do  is  to  seem  hurt 
or  injured,  or  say  a  word  to  remind  him  of  her  weary  waiting. 
He  is  far  more  likely  to  feel  compunction,  if  he  find  her  good- 
humoured,  than  if  she  complains,  and  rouses  him  to  self-defence 
and  assertion  of  his  liberty.  Her  chance  is  in  making  home 
pleasanter  than  his  club  or  his  friends,  and  if  she  makes  it 
disagreeable   by  melancholy,  upbraiding   looks   or  words,    she 


WIVES. 


185 


naturally  drives  him  away.  Her  annoyance  will  not  win  him, 
but  her  cheerfulness  will,  alniost  certainly  in  the  longru", 
though  she  may  have  much  to  go  through  in  the  meantime, 
while  old  habits  are  recurring  and  asserting  their  power. 

To  love  him  heartily,  and  let  him  feel  himself  her  sunshine, 
is  her  best  expedient,  backed  of  course  by  earnest  prayer  and 
self-devotion;  and  if  his  dissipations  are  only  skin  deep,  and 
resumed  half  from  idleness  and  half  from  defiance  of  being 
tamed  by  marriage,  the  better  side  of  his  character  and  his 
deeper  affections  will  most  likely  outgrow  them,  and  they  will 
die  away. 

No  one  ought  to  marry  a  man  whom  she  does  not  know  to  be 
religious  and  sound  iu  faith  and  doctrine.  Men  resent  this 
maxim,  for  many  a  semi-sceptic  knows  that  a  woman  is  hardly 
ever  good  and  trustworthy  without  faith,  and  he  thinks  that  the 
ordinary  worldly  and  domestic  moral  code  is  all  that  she  has  a 
right  to  expect  from  hira.  The  best  thing  imaginable  for  him 
is  to  find  himself  mistaken. 

But  if  folly,  love,  or  worLUiness  have  made  the  match — if  the 
woman's  religious  convictions  have  only  awakened  since  her 
marriage,  or  if  the  man  have  lapsed  from  his  faith  afterwards, 
then  she  finds  herself  unequally  yoked  When  her  husband  is 
merely  careless,  and  not  giving  his  mind  to  religion  because  he 
fancies  it  wearisome  and  womanish  ;  steady,  quiet,  unobtrusive 
religious  practice  on  her  part,  influencing  everything  and  show- 
ing her  deep  Avishes,  often  has  a  great  and  gradual  effect ;  not 
always  in  the  fulness  of  youth  and  prosptsrity,  but  the  first 
trouble  will  probably  make  no  small  change,  and  show  what 
time  has  done.  Any  way,  a  woman's  duty  is  to  love,  pray,  and 
hope  on,  and  speak,  or  abstain,  according  to  the  character  she 
has  to  deal  with,  taking  untiring  care  that  no  word  or  action  of 
hers  belies  her  princi[)les,  taking  care  also  not  to  fret  and  provoke 
by  non-essentials,  or  to  excite  jealousy  of  clerical  influence  or 
interference — men's  great  bugbear.  The  lesis  silly  she  is,  the 
greater  chance  is  there  that  her  influence  will  prevail,  especially 
if,  as  sometimes  happens,  the  doubts  are  the  fermentation  of  the 


186  WOMANKIND. 

first  genuine  consideration  of  truths  previously  held  carelessly 
from  tradition. 

Whether  to  discuss  and  enter  into  the  guhject,  read  the  same 
books,  and  think  out  the  matter,  must  be  lett  for  individual 
cases,  and  be  according  to  what  the  husband  asks  of  his  wife. 
If  he  do  not  talk  to  iier  about  the  matter,  most  likely  he  is  so 
working  it  out  alone  that  her  interference  would  do  more  harm 
than  good ;  and  if  she  have  only  guessed  his  opinion  from  what 
ehe  has  heard  him  say  to  others,  chance- words  dropped  here  and 
there,  mayhap  a  careless  snter,  or  by  his  abstinence  from  religious 
ordinances,  it  is  probable  that  he  wishes  her  to  continue  in  her 
own  faith,  and  has  little  respect  for  her  powers  of  argument.  In 
that  case  she  will  be  wiser  in  praying  for  him  than  enforcing  on 
him  the  arguments,  which  he  will  dc^^pije,  and  which  she  cannot 
long  sustain  against  him. 

But  if  he  do  wish  to  talk  things  out  with  her,  it  is  plain  that 
he  has  a  respect  for  her  understanding,  and  needs  hei  sympathy. 
St.  Louis'  famous  counsel  about  not  arguing,  but  answering  with 
the  sword,  does  not  stand  here,  not  only  because  she  cannot  use 
the  sword,  but  because  she  is  likely  to  have  a  good  deal  moie 
foundation  of  knowledge,  from  which  to  argue,  than  the  knights 
of  the  thirteenth  century  could  have  had. 

Indeed,  I  suppose  everyone  finds  out  by  experience  whether 
he  or  she  can  argue  and  discuss  to  any  good  effect,  whether 
there  be  only  loss  of  temper,  mere  re]ietition  of  the  old 
propositions,  or  if  there  be  an  invariable  drawing  over  by  the 
other  side  for  want  of  answer,  though  afterwards  the  better  sense 
recoils  and  sees  the  true  reply ;  or  whether  clearer  views  and 
something  like  a  right  conclusion  get  elicited.  Of  course  all  this 
depends  on  the  relative  power  of  the  other  side,  and  the  dis- 
cussion must  be  accepted  or  avoided  accordingly  ;  but  if  it  be 
undertaken  it  must  in  these  serious  matters  be  in  all  earnestness, 
and  yet  without  loss  of  temper,  showing  that  flippancy  gives 
absolute  pain,  and  with  the  understanding  that  there  is  an  ardent 
seekins;  for  truth.  There  is  danger  in  such  discussions,  but  it  is 
the  danjor  of  one  standing  on  a  ruck,  stretching  out  to  save  one 


WIVES.  187 

in  the  waters — a  generous  danger,  and  one  to  "be  met  by  diligent 
prayer,  leaning  on  the  Sacraments,  and  reading  of  such  books  as 
may  strengthen  the  faith  ;  when  telling  and  convincing  passages 
must  often  occur  to  be  shown  or  quoted. 

It  is  a  much  more  common  case,  however,  to  find  the  husband, 
who  had  seemed  perfection,  more  careless  and  irreverent  in  speech 
and  habits  than  he  had  shown  before  ;  perhaps  prejudiced  against 
the  clergy,  or  unwilling  to  be  trouhled  in  his  own  house  with 
the  religious  habits  he  accepted  when  a  guest  in  his  wife's 
home. 

Here  the  disappointment  is  keen.  The  words  may,  I  fancy, 
best  be  dealt  with  by  private  entreaty,  and  letting  it  be  under- 
stood that  they  give  absolute  personal  pain,  though  not  by 
constant  repetition  of  the  protest,  nor  by  such  demeanour  as  to 
rouse  the  spirit  of  teasing.  Most  1  kely  the  seeming  surprised 
and  shocked  that  he  will  say  before  her  as  a  wife  what  he  would 
not  have  let  her  hear  bef.ire  mairiage  will  make  him  ashamed 
enough  to  abstain  before  her,  and  this  is  one  step. 

As  to  the  prejudice  against  clergy,  it  is  very  olten  mereyourg 
men's  talk  ;  and  rather  like  the  masculine  aversion  for  cats,  with 
exceptions  in  favour  of  all  with  whom  there  is  personal  contact. 
Of  course  there  is  evil  in  it,  and  danger  of  incurrii'g  the  sentence 
of  our  Lord,  "He  that  despiseth  you,  desjiisf  th  ]\Ie."  It  rises,  I 
suppose,  partly  out  of  dislike  and  jeaL  usy  of  authority,  which 
some  men  will  not  acknowledge,  but  see  accepted  by  women, 
from  a  class  of  men  who  seem  to  them  so  set  aside  from  manly 
sports  and  habits  as  to  be  half  women — partly  out  of  the  stories 
that  are  current  of  injudicious  clergy.  The  dread  of  "  priestcraft" 
is  however  the  strongei-t  of  these  two  motives,  mixed  with  a 
vague  idea  that  the  quieter  manners,  c^c,  are  a  sort  of  humbug, 
and  that  the  men,  intended  to  read  prajersand  be  a  mor.d  police 
over  the  poor,  want  to  usurp  the  same  power  over  their  mighty 
slIvcs  and  their  wives. 

When  a  man  has  this  foolish  conventional  tone,  his  wife  had 
better  not  exasperate  it  by  unnecessary  acts,  which  she  knows 
he  disapproves,  or  by  words  that  only  strengthen  his  Vicw  ot 


*^^ 


108  WOMANKIND. 

female  delusion.  Let  her  do  her  best  to  'bring  the  manly  and 
upright  acts  of  individual  clergy  before  him,  or  got  him  oljJiged 
to  wi>rk  with  his  parish  clergyman,  and  if  the  latter  be  a 
sensible  man,  a  good  deal  of  the  mere  conventional  surface  way 
of  thinking  will  die  away.  Good  sense,  coupled  with  her  own 
staunch  adherence  to  principle,  is  really  the  best  reply,  avoiding 
aU  that  can  be  possibly  thought  underhand,  and  not  doing  battle 
for  what  is  not  worthy  of  defence. 

What  the  wife  is,  tells  more  than  all  her  arguments,  and  as 
time  goes  on,  and  joys  and  sorrows  are  felt  together,  she  daily 
becomes  more  indispensable,  if  she  be  the  true  kind  of  wife, 
whose  great  work  and  delight  in  life  is  to  be  the  complement  of 
her  husband,  doing  for  him  all  those  things  that  he  need  not  do 
for  himself — sparing  him  all  vexatious  details — giving  him  her 
sympathy  in  all  his  desirable  pursuit.*,  and  exerting  herself  to 
share  whatever  he  likes  her  to  share  in,  and  adapting  her.-elf  to 
his  moods  with  ready  tact.  He  should  always  be  sure  of  her  glad 
acquiescence  in  all  that  is  best  and  noblest,  so  sure,  indeeil,  that 
the  absence  of  such  eagf^r  congratulation  should  be  a  sufficient 
damper  for  all  her  juilgment  does  not  approve — when  now  and 
then  her  instincts  go  against  plans  or  acquaintances  he  has 
impetuously  taken  up. 

Efficiency,  sympithy,  cheerfulness,  unselfishness,  and  sweet 
temper:  these  are  chiefly  what  go  to  make  the  real  helpmeet 
wife.  JEven  weak  health  or  absolute  invalidism  need  not  disable 
her  from  these.  Her  utmost  will  be  gla<ily  accepted  and  met 
with  love,  whether  that  be  the  active  aid  Mrs.  Kennicott  gave 
her  husband  with  his  Hebrew — or  Lady  Calcotts  sympathy 
from  her  couch — or  Gertrude  von  der  Wait's  martyrdom  of 
love.  The  helpmeet  with  a  true  and  superior  lord  of  her  heart 
and  home  is  so  happy  and  blessed  a  being,  that  1  hardly  dare 
say  anything  of  or  to  her.  The  thought  of  her  brings  the  noble 
figure  that  King  Lemuel's  mother  diew  for  him. 

How  beautiful  the  whole  pcture  is — of  the  woman  whose 
price  is  far  above  rubies  !  It  is  her  husband's  perfect  trust  in 
her  sure  that  all  his  secrets  are  safe  with  his  other  self,  and 


WIVES.  189 

tliat  he  can  to  enjoy  the  safety-valve  of  tulking  oxit  liis  cares 
and  perplexities  without  fear  of  their  being  gossiped  about. 

How  sonje  of  the  verses  remind  us  of  the  good  wives  who 
have  been  shown  to  us  beside  their  husbands !  "  She  will  do 
him  good,  and  not  evil,  all  the  days  of  his  life."  It  brings 
before  us  Mrs.  Gray  of  Capi  town,  spending  her  whole  life  in 
smoothing  the  wwy  of  her  husband,  saving  him  trouble  and 
every  care,  and  arranging  for  him  every  journey  he  took,  so  as 
to  leave  him  as  free  as  possible  for  the  labours  and  troubles  of 
his  office. 

Then  follovvs  the  beautiful  dcpcription  of  the  well-ordered, 
ho=!pitable,  industrious  household,  happy,  well  clothed,  well  fed 
beautiful,  yet  in  due  subjection  and.  discipline  to  a  mistress  "  on 
wliose  lips  is  the  law  of  kindness."  Her  husband  is  known 
when  he  sitteth  among  the  elders  in  the  gate,  because  the  ea-e 
of  mind  and  encouragement  given  by  his  well-ordered  home 
strengthen,  brighten,  and  make  him  doubly  able  to  take  his 
place. 

In  their  degree  there  are  many  such  households.  Indeed  the 
true  lady — or  loaf-giver — is  sure  to  make  hoin^s  that  radiate 
light  and  warmth  from  their  glowing  central  hearth. 

And  how  exquisite  is  the  climax !  "  Her  children  arise  np, 
and  call  her  blessed  ;  her  husband  also,  and  he  praiseth  her. 
Many  daughters  have  done  virtuously,  but  thou  excellest 
them  all.  Favour  is  deceitful,  and  beauty  is  vain :  but  a 
woman  that  feareth  the  Lord,  she  shall  be  praised.  Give  her 
of  the  fruit  of  her  hands ;  and  let  her  own  works  praise  her 
in  the  gates." 

In  the  gates,  I  suppose,  of  death,  where  her  works  do  follow 
her! 

Yes,  in  the  loving  husband's  eyes,  she  excels  all  others  first 
and  last.  She  did  so  when  he  chose  her  in  her  bloom,  and  if 
she  be  gentle  and  yet  resolute,  diligent  a; id  yet  tender,  true  and 
just  and  striving  to  conquer  her  failings,  she  will  never  cease  to 
excel  them  aU  in  his  sight. 


190  "WOMANKIND. 

She  may  have  to  steer  a  difficult  course  bet  ween  the  two  families 
on  either  si^le,  she  may  make  blunders  ;  but  she  will  be  pardoned 
if  she  is  thoroughly  open  about  them,  and  if  she  deserves  entire 
trust. 

There  may  be  a  few  clashes  at  first.  Tempers  will  have  to 
wear  into  one  another,  tastes  to  be  learnt ;  but  in  time  tliere  is 
such  a  fusion  together  that  even  the  countenances  and  hand- 
writings acquire  a  sort  of  similir'ty,  and  the  delight  in  one 
another  is  still  such  that  to  be  left  alone  together  is  still  a  sort 
of  honeymoon. 

Favour  is  deceitful,  the  grace  of  merry  youthful  spirits  may 
not  last,  and  a  bland  engaging  manner  may  be  only  put  on  for 
selfish  purposes ;  and  beauty  is  vain.  Nothing  but  "  the 
fear  of  the  Lord"  can  enable  a  woman  to  meet  the  wear  and 
tear  of  life,  and  bear  up  through  it  "cheered  and  cheer- 
ing," with  a  sweetness  that  makes  her  countenance  ever  more 
lovely  in  the  eyes  of  those  who  seek  there  for  a  response  to 
all  their  feelings,  and  view  it  as  the  sure  index  of  love  and 
sympathy. 

This  is  woman's  best  portion,  the  primary  object  nf  he^  crea- 
tion, and  that  which  above  all  makes  her  a  creature  as  nearly 
perfect  as  can  be  moulded  on  this  earth — self-forgetting,  self- 
devoted,  and  viewing  the  utmost  sacrifice  of  herself  as  simply 
natural ! 

Here  is  part  of  an  old  Scotch  tradesman's  address  to  his  old 
wife  after  forty-two  years'  marriage,  expressing  to  the  fall  the 
feelings  that  often  live  on  to  the  golden- weddin-^. 

*'  A  welding  heat  o*  strong  young  love 

Will  last  through  winters  many  ; 
The  frosts  of  j'ears  but  tend  to  prove 

The  links  that  bind  to  Nannie. 
Though  teeth  are  fled  and  locks  growu  grey. 

She's  yet  sae  kind  and  cannic, 
Love  that  outlasts  young  life's  heydey 

Is  tlie  love  I  bear  my  Nannie. 


MISTRESS    AND   SERVANT.  191 

"Mid  a'  the  thouc^lits  that  trouble  me, 

The  saddest  thought  o'  any 
Is  wha  may  close  each  other's  e'e, 

May  it  be  me  or  Nannie. 
The  ane  that's  left  will  sairly  feel 

Amid  a  warld  uncannie  ; 
I'd  rather  face  auld  a'^e  n:ysell 

Thau  lauely  leave  my  Nanuie," 


CHAPTER  XXIir. 

MISTRESS    AND    SERVANT. 


Throughout  the  world  there  is  a  cry  that  there  are  no  such 
things  as  good  servants  left,  that  maids  change  their  mis- 
tresses as  they  change  their  caps,  and  have  no  feeliiig,  no 
gratitude,  &c.,  &c. 

Of  the  ahsohite  truth  of  this  I  beg  leave  to  doubt.  I  Moje 
of  numerous  attached  and  faithful  servants  who  seem  almost  a 
part  of  their  mistresses,  and  who  count  up  one  another's  years 
of  service  almost  as  badges  of  honour,  viewing  parting  as  almost 
an  impossibility,  heedfully  watching  over  the  interests  of  the 
family,  and  ready  on  an  emergency  to  turn  their  hands  to  any- 
thing requisite.  JSTor  are  they  all  country  servants.  Some  have 
had  their  share  of  London  varieties  and  temptations,  and  yet 
have  remained  as  unspoilt,  faithful,  and  attached  as  ever. 

Of  course  there  is  a  large  number  on  whom  the  ordinary 
saying  is  founded,  maids  who  have  a  restless  feeling  for  "  better- 
ing themselves  "  think  it  dull  to  stay  longer  in  a  place  than 
is  absolutely  necessary  to  secure  a  character,  and  fly  off  at  the 
least  cause  of  olTence.  They  are  in  fact  young  people  who 
wish  to  enjoy  life,  and  being  under  the  disagreeable  necessity 
of  earning  a  livelihood,  render  the  process  as  little  irksome  as 
possible. 

Mistresses,  on  the  other  hand,  having  no  trust  or  faith  in 


192  WOMANKIND. 

them,  limit  their  endeavours  to  getting  the  work  proporly  done, 
and  so  constrnct  their  discipline  that  as  little  enjoyment  aa 
jiossible  can  be  had,  and  what  the  young  spirit  seeks  of  inter- 
course with  its  like  can  only  be  got  by  stealth. 

Now  let  us  look  at  the  history  and  bringing-up  of  servants. 
The  best  used  to  be  the  daughters  of  small  farmers,  but  thia 
class  is  all  but  extinct ;  and  the  best  we  have  now  are  the 
children  of  coachmen,  gardeners,  gamekeepers,  and  vilLige  trades- 
men. Their  mothers  have  usually  been  good  servants  themselves 
and  train  them  with  some  knowledge  of  what  will  be  required 
of  them;  they  are  kept  at  school  long  enough  to  be  fairly 
educated,  and  their  homes  are  comfortable  and  well  furnished 
enough  to  give  them  a  real  attachment  to  cleanliness  and  nicety, 
while  their  manners  have  the  tone  of  the  servants'  hall ;  and 
though  the  good  housewifely  mothers  are  too  apt  to  do  all 
the  housework  instead  of  teaching  them,  they  are  by  far  the 
mo*t  likely  to  be  in  their  element,  and  be  able  to  keep  a  good 
place  when  once  they  have  it.  Now  and  then,  however,  the 
having  a  comfortable  home  to  fall  bask  u[)on  spoils  them  for  a 
time,  and  makes  them  less  willing  to  exf  rt  themselves  ;  but  take 
them  all  together,  they  are  the  most  desirable  class  from  whom 
to  take  nursery  giils,  or  such  as  are  to  be  in  any  place  where 
there  will  be  intercourse  with  children,  since  they  have  been 
generally  carefully  kept  from  knowkd«;e  of  evil  and  bad 
habits. 

Orphanage  girls  are  next  best  in  this  respect,  but  they  are  apt 
to  have  less  res(jurce  from  not  having  lived  a  family  life,  and 
having  worked  more  as  pieces  of  mechanism,  so  that  they  do 
not  know  how  to  manage  with  chance  materials,  and  as  they 
have  always  worn  a  uniform,  their  notions  about  dress  and 
j)rices  are  perfectly  wild  and  vague  ;  and  they  are  likely  to 
array  themselves  much  more  absurdly  tl)an  those  who  have  been 
used  to  pretty  things  and  to  computitions  of  price.  And  having 
neither  home  nor  mother,  their  mistress  must  either  supply  the 
lack  herself,  or  have  a  servant  on  whom  she  can  depend  for  so 
doing. 


MISTRESS   AND    SERVANT.  193 

Next  comos  the  thorough  cottage  gu'l  only  civilized  by  school. 
This  gill  is  best  to  lake  as  fresh  from  school  as  possible  There 
she  is  under  discipline,  and  though  often  perfectly  ignorant  of 
all  household  work,  excepting  how  to  keep  herself  tidy  and  per- 
haps how  to  carry  a  baby,  she  h  is  not  learnt  wrung  ways  of  doing 
tilings,  and  is  reaily  to  obey,  whereas  if  she  has  a  year  or  two  at 
home  without  school,  she  has  seldom  been  under  any  government 
at  all  after  she  grew  too  big  to  be  beaten ;  and  the  work  she 
may  chance  to  do  about  the  cottage  is  only  so  much  to  be 
unli'arnt.  And  an  intellectual,  clever  school  girl,  though  in  the 
end  she  will  probaltly  make  a  superior  maid-servani,  does  often 
take  more  breaking-in  than  a  quiet,  msek,  dull  one,  just  as  the 
clever  girl  in  a  schoolroom  is  apt  to  be  the  most  unhandy.  If 
these  cottage-girls  can  be  got,  as  their  mothers  say,  '•  into  a 
gentleman's  family,"  it  is  the  greatest  advantage  to  them ;  but 
there  is  this  difficulty,  that  the  change  is  so  very  great  that  they 
are  apt  to  be  daunted.  Whereas  one  blunt  knife  served  at  home, 
everybody  uses  three  or  four  ;  pots  and  pans,  plates,  disiies,  cups, 
and  cloths,  are  in  the  same  proportion,  and  it  is  a  deadly  ofTence 
■ — disgusting  to  everyone — to  apply  any  one  of  these  to  the  use 
destined  to  another.  No  one  can  tell  till  the  girl  is  tried 
whether  she  will  have  energy  and  discernment  to  conquer  the 
difficulty,  or  Avhether  she  will  blunder  on  in  a  hopeless  confused 
way,  and  be  returned  on  one's  hands  as  "  incorrigibly  dirty." 
And  little  girls  of  thirteen  or  fourteen,  especially  those  whose 
mothers  have  brought  them  up  on  a  system  of  monstrous,  but 
never  fulfilled,  threats,  really  do  not  believe  it  when  they  are 
told  that  they  Avill  be  sent  home  if  they  do  not  mend  their 
ways.  It  often  takes  an  ignominious  dismissal  to  show  them 
that  something  depends  on  themselves,  and  then  comes  another 
turning-point,  deciding  whether  they  will  vigorously  work  up 
again,  or  sink  into  slatterns  either  at  home  or  in  low  places. 

Here  and  there  a  good,  old,  retired  servant  or  tradeswoman  is 
to  be  found,  who  keeps  a  little  maid  and  makes  her  almost  a 
companion ;  and  the  very  women  whom  I  mentioned  as  the 
mothers  of  the  best  servants,  often,  when  their  children  are 

o 


194  WOMANKIND. 

young,  want  a  girl  to  help,  and  will  train  her  conscientiously. 
All  these  make  the  sort  of  places  where  it  is  well  for  a  girl  to 
begin,  and  she  has  some  chance  of  being  trained  into  a  good, 
attached,  and  superior  stTvant.  But  when  ladies  close  theii 
houses  against  anybody  under  eigliteen,  rather  than  have  the 
trouble  of  teacliing  them,  the  process  is  that  which  creates 
"  Servant-galism." 

The  first  place  is  as  drudge  in  some  family  where  the  mistress 
does  the  household  work,  but  wants  a  soufre-douleur  for  the 
children,  and  the  little  maid  is  all  day  carrying  the  baby  or 
driving  the  perambulator  in  the  street.  Church,  prayers,  good 
habits  are  forgotten,  and  the  girl's  clothes  would  not  hang 
together  if  her  mother  did  not  take  them  home  to  wash  and 
mend  them.  Nothing  is  gained  but  the  absence  of  one  mouth 
from  the  cottage  table,  one  body  from  the  over-crowded  room. 
I'he  girl  is  induced  to  submit  by  the  hope  of  change  when  she 
can  bring  a  }  ear's  growth  and  a  year's  character,  but  she  is  not 
fit  for  anything  much  better,  except  that  she  is  somewhat  bigger 
and  stronger,  and  her  next  place  is  principally  pleasanter  by 
giving  her  a  little  more  money  to  spend  on  dress,  and  an  utterly 
unsupervised  "  Sunday  out." 

If  she  be  a  dull,  two-fisted  girl,  unwilling  to  take  the  pains 
required  for  niceness,  and  with  plenty  of  strength,  she  will 
become  the  untidy  drudge  of  a  lodging-house — too  often  an 
utterly  godless  occupation — or  else  she  will  do  the  rough  work 
of  a  farm-house,  fall  into  very  undesirable  ways  with  the  ruder 
sort  of  farm-boy,  and  probably  marry  one  of  them,  and  begin  a 
rough,  thriftless  household  in  a  disreputable  manner.  If  girls 
have  dexterity  and  ambition,  they  make  their  places  a  ladder  to 
rise  by,  seldom  staying  more  than  a  year  in  each  ;  and  when 
they  are  tall  enouoh  and  polished  enough,  offer  themselves  for 
the  house  and  pailour  work  in  gentltmen's  families.  Eegistry 
offices  are  their  familiar  resorts ;  they  have  never  learnt  to 
regard  their  mistresses  with  any  affection  or  consideration,  and 
service  is  to  them  a  means  of  obtaining  food,  lodging,  and  fine 
clothes  till  they  can  marry,  for  which  purpose  they  "  walk " 


MISTRESS   AND    SERVANT.  195 

"with  as  many  young  men  as  possible,  viewing  their  mistress  aa 
the  natural  enemy  of  such  acquaintances. 

Once  get  into  a  course  of  maids  of  this  kind  and  your 
domestic  life  will  be  nuthing  but  a  series  of  cook-stories  and 
miseries. 

But  perhaps  the  true  way  of  looking  at  our  relations  with 
servants  is  to  remember  that  the  time  of  service  to  tham  is  that 
which  answers  to  our  time  of  young  ladyhood,  and  is  their 
period  of  domestic  training.  They  begin  younger,  and  often 
leave  off  later  ;  but  domestic  service  is  really  a  profession  with 
them,  lasting  till  marriage,  and  it  is  much  more  guarded,  and 
gives  them  much  more  useful  attainments,  than  the  exercise  of 
any  little  home  employment.  But  their  own  saying,  "  Service  is  no 
inheritance,"  is  so  far  true — that  no  one  has  any  right  to  be  vexed 
with  a  maid  for  having  a  lover,  provided  he  be  a  fit  one.  Any 
engagement  ought  to  be  avowed,  and  the  times  of  meeting 
sanctioned ;  but  there  is  a  semi-engaged  state  of  "  walking " 
■with  a  man  on  trial  which  is  more  difficult  to  deal  with,  since  it 
is  experimental,  and  really,  as  sensible  maids  have  been  known 
to  say,  the  only  way  of  becoming  acquainted. 

Servants  who  have  once,  as  young  girls,  been  landed  in  a 
kind,  sound  place,  where  they  are  well  cared  for,  and  made 
happy  without  being  spoilt,  and  where  they  see  others  viewing 
long  continuance  in  the  same  place  as  highly  creditable,  are  not 
apt  to  be  restless.  Of  course,  follies  will  come  over  them  : 
some  giddy  friend  may  unsettle  them,  stories  of  high  wagf-s  may 
fire  their  ambition,  ?ome  love  affair  may  disturb  them,  or  some 
fret  of  temper  seize  them.  They  are  but  girls  after  all ;  but  in 
spite  of  all  the  evil  that  is  said  of  them,  many  and  many  a 
family  could  show  nice,  fresh,  bright,  good  young  maids, 
attached  and  happy,  and  only  meaning  indefinitely  to  pari  when 
the  time  of  marriage  shall  come. 

Where  there  is  a  perpetual  change  of  servants  there  is  almost 
certain  to  be  a  fault  either  in  the  mistress,  the  upper  servant, 
or  the  house.  Sometimes  there  is  some  inherent  defect  in  the 
maids'  quarters,  which  keeps  them  cramped,  uncomfortable,  and 

o  2 


196  WOMANKIND. 

irritable,  and,  of  course,  longing  for  a  change.  Sonaetiraes  a 
trustworthy,  valuable  old  servant  will  be  very  disagreeable  and 
tyrannical  to  those  with  her ;  and  sometimes  the  mistress  worries 
vexatiously. 

To  be  "  very  particular"  every  one  knows  is  right.  It  is  no 
kindness  to  a  servant,  but  quite  the  reverse,  to  take  negligence 
or  neglect  of  rules  easily.  It  may  seem  like  daintiness  and 
selfishness  to  complain  when  the  meat  is  underdone,  when  there  is 
a  taste  of  smoke  in  everything,  and  caterpillars  drop  out  of  the 
cauliflowers,  but  if  the  maids  are  our  charge,  it  is  our  duty  to 
see  that  they  do  theirs.  Cobwebs  and  dust,  brushes  in  wrong 
places,  and  candles  left  to  waste  their  swectn'^ss  on  the  desert 
air,  ought  to  be  noticed.  So  should  unauthorized  voices  in  the 
kitchen,  lingerings  at  the  back  door,  and  unpermitted  absences. 
Ko  servant  worth  keeping  will  resent  the  being  obliged  to 
observe  rules,  and  to  do  her  work  tlioroughly.  If  she  does,  she 
had  better  go  ;  but  if  she  have  any  sense,  she  will  for  ever 
be  gratefid  to  "my  old  missus;"  "to  be  sure  she  was 
particular ! " 

It  is  not  strictness  that  alienates  servants — it  is  want  of  trust, 
and  nagging  surveillance.  To  be  always  peeping  and  spying  is 
a  continued  insult.  Keep  a  quiet  check  on  waste,  and  do  not 
leave  temptation  in  the  way,  but  do  not  shoAv  distrust  or 
suspicion,  or  you  spoil  a  good  girl's  sense  of  honour.  Orders 
should  be  given  decidedly,  as  if  you  meant  them  to  be  kept — 
not  worried  over,  as  if  you  did  not  beUeve  they  would  be ;  and 
one  thorough  reproof  for  their  transgression  will  go  much 
further  than  a  hundred  little  frets  and  reminders. 

And  consideration  needs  to  be  shown  therewith.  Children 
from  the  first  should  be  taught  not  to  give  servants  needless 
trouble,  nor  to  leave  wanton  footmarks  or  litter,  to  soil  and  tear 
without  mercy,  nor  to  use  unlimited  plates  at  luncheon  to  be 
washed  up  by  the  poor  scullery-maid,  who  never  has  her  hands 
free.  And  the  mistress  should  recollect '  the  same,  and  be  kind 
to  ailments,  and  thoughtful  when  maids  have  home  troubles, 
instead  of  viewing  their  summons  to  a  parent's  sick-bed,  or 


MISTRESS    AND    SERVANT.  107 

th-^^ir  tearful  eyes,  as  an  injury  to  her  own  Great  IMogulsliip.  It 
seems  impertinent  to  a  Christian  woman  to  remind  her  of  this 
duty,  and  yet  I  have  known  of  instances  where  a  lady  ha?,  from 
the  habit  of  thinking  her  maids  as  mere  "h^nds,"  shown  most 
cruel  neglect  and  hardness  towards  their  sorrows. 

Good  mistresses  and  good  servants  alike  are  for  the  most  part 
independent  of  the  registry.  There  are  great  ramifications  of 
acquaintance,  and  a  place  that  is  known  to  be  comfortable  is 
almost  sure  to  be  applied  for  by  persons  of  whom  fuller  know- 
I'dge  can  be  obtained  than  by  the  mere  character.  Cooks  are 
the  chief  exception,  because  they  require  niore  skill,  training, 
and  experience ;  and  the  preliminaries  of  their  M'ork  are  dis- 
tasteful to  most  young  girls  at  an  age  when  present  disagreeab'es 
are  nut  weighed  against  future  high  wages — and  thus  there  are 
fewer  in  number  of  them.  On  the  whole,  for  houses  where 
there  is  no  call  for  display,  the  home-made  article  is  the  safest 
and  best.  A  kitchen-maid  straight  from  a  good  great  house, 
where  her  character  can  be  answered  for,  is  the  best  material ; 
and  her  youthfulness  is  a  much  less  dangerous  defect  than 
those  which  may  exist  in  people  you  get  from  advertisements. 
If  she  can  train  a  girl  under  her  to  take  her  post  when  she 
marries,  or  is  otherwise  disposed  of,  a  succession  is  established, 
and  traditional  habits  kept  up.  I'his  is  certainly  a  case  of 
"  first  catch  your  hare  ;  "  but  as  there  are  plenty  of  hares — i.e. 
good  servants — in  the  world,  make  a  start  with  one,  and  tirrst 
her,  and  she  will  train  the  rest.  It  seems  to  me  that  if  there 
be  one  good,  sensible,  well-principled  servant  in  a  small  house- 
hold— say  of  two  or  three — and  she  is  not  very  young,  whether 
she  be  nurse,  cook,  or  parlour-maid,  it  is  better  to  give  her 
authority,  and  then  not  be  afraid  of  youth  in  the  others.  She 
can  judge  much  better  than  a  lady  what  is  dangerous  for  them, 
and  is  a  person  who  can  have  better  knowledge  of  the  character 
of  their  "  young  men."  A  woman  over  thirty  and  a  girl  of 
seventeen  will  be  more  to  be  trusted  than  two  young  things 
about  twenty. 

In  fact,  I  think  the  prejudice  against  girlhood  does  much  to 


li^3  "WOMANKIND. 

perpetriafo  tLe  faults  complained  of  in  servants.  A  little  thing 
of  fourteen,  enchanted  with  promotion,  has  time  to  become 
attached,  and  has  given  her  confidence  before  the  lover-period 
sets  in.  She  is  far  more  likely  to  go  through  it  well  than  if 
she  comes  from  a  scries  of  chance  places,  for  she  will  have 
formed  steady  habits.  Besides,  a  girl  taken  fresh  from  school, 
either  preparing  for  Confirmation  or  newly-confirmed,  can  bo  at 
once  taken  in  hand  with  religioos  teaching,  and  brought  to 
Holy  Communion ;  whereas  the  girls  who  have  taken  their 
chnnce  in  second-rate  places  have  too  often  entirely  lost  the 
habit,  or  have  never  formed  it.  They  have  seen  a  great  deal 
too  much  of  the  world,  and  not  cften  foi  their  good.  Of  them 
nothing  is  known  but  that  in  their  last  place  they  Lave  been 
"  honest,  sober,  active,"  &c.  ;  while  a  giil  whose  antecedents  are 
known,  and  whoso  mother  has  put  hci  into  our  hands,  or  for 
whom  we  feel  accountable  to  our  friend,  the  clergyman's  wife 
of  her  parish,  comes  to  us  far  more  likely  to  make  our  house  a 
home  for  the  time  being,  and  to  accept  advice  or  restraint. 
But  we  must  beware  of  selfishness  in  the  matter.  It  may  vex 
us  that  the  girl  aspires  to  better  h-^rself  as  soon  as  we  have  had 
the  trouble  of  teaching  her,  but  we  ought  not  to  call  her 
ungrateful  Bather  we  should  remember  that  it  is  not  well  for 
anyone  to  outgrow  a  situation,  and  wa  sb.ould  do  our  best  to 
find  a  safe  and  wholesome  place  for  her,  where  she  mny  still  be 
watchnd  over  by  friends.  And  it  is  not  my  own  experience 
that  there  is  thi"?  haste  for  change  and  promotion.  I  do  not 
think  I  should  be  believed,  if  1  told  how  many  girls  I  have 
known  clinging  to  tlieir  first  place  at  low  wages  because  it  was 
a  happy  home  to  them,  even  after  it  seemed  to  their  mistress  as 
if  they  ought  to  rise  higher. 

As  to  takiiig  gills  from  the  immediate  village,  the  advisability 
entirely  depcn  Is  on  the  character  of  the  placp,  and  its  tone  of 
opinion.  If  it  is  a  place  where  petty  peculation  is  common,  or 
where  there  is  any  very  strong  habit  of  gossip,  it  may  bo  much 
bettpv  to  send  the  girl  where  she  has  no  acquaintances,  especially 
if  the  dangerous  though  charitable  experiment  be  made  with 


MISTRESS    AND    SERVANT.  199 

her  of  talking  the  good  one  of  a  bad  family.  But  my  own 
experience  has  nf-ver  led  me  to  regret  the  taking  girls  whose 
home  lay  close  at  hand. 

The  truth  is  that  as  long  as  we  view  our  maids  as  cranky 
self-willed  machines  for  getting  our  work  done,  we  and  they 
shall  be  one  perpetual  plague  to  each  other.  If  we  view  them 
as  fellow-members  of  Christ,  to  whom  we  have  our  office  in 
the  one  great  Body,  who  are  a  part  of  our  homes,  and  at  home, 
likewise  in  them,  we  shall,  with  some  disasters  of  course,  get 
on  in  the  main  with  peace  and  mutual  love. 

Not  that  we  need  be  for  ever  teaching  or  advising  them.  A 
young  thing,  or  an  ignorant  one,  needs  special  instruction  and 
hading,  but  after  that — if  we  know  she  has  had  good  teaching, 
some  regular  reading  at  family  prayer.-^,  lending  of  books,  and 
general  influence  is  enough.  The  reading  should  be  short  and 
spirited.  Comments  on  the  Bible  and  Prayer-book  always 
seem  to  be  liked  and  should  be  pointed — not  of  the  old- 
fashioned,  dreamy  kind.  As  to  books;  1  believe  it  is  a  great 
mistake  to  have  a  special  library  of  "  books  adapted  for 
servants."  There  is  nothing  they  so  dislike,  or  that  is  so 
unlike  themselves,  as  the  moilel  Thomases  and  Maries  in  books, 
except,  perhaps,  that  well  meaning  literature  in  which  little 
nursery-maids  convert  all  the  children,  while  the  head-nurse 
drinks  wine  in  the  pantry,  and  hides  her  lady's  jewels  in  their 
boxes.  Remember  that  the  servants  can,  if  they  choose,  read 
any  book  of  yours  they  like,  and  that  many  of  them  have  been 
well  educated.  Tell  them,  therefore,  freely  what  you  think  is 
jdeasant  readii.g,  and  give  them  a  turn  of  a  book  from  your  box, 
if  it  is  suitable.  They  are  no  more  likely  to  soil  it  than  you  , 
are,  and  if  there  be  any  reason  for  special  care,  you  have  only 
to  mention  it,  and  you  may  be  sure  it  will  be  taken.  In 
general,  either  a  religious  book,  or  a  good,  rather  exciting, 
story,  are  the  best  liked — the  present  amount  of  cultivation 
generally  appreciates  these,  but  not  often  history,  travels, 
or  tales  connected  with  unfamiliar  scenes — and  it  is  best 
to    give    such    tales,    or    the    perilous    cheap    literature   will 


200  WOMANKIND. 

Bopply    the    appetite    loi     something     interesting     and    not 
innocent. 

The  valuable  servant  of  a  certain  ago  is  of  course  far  less 
conr.mon  than  the  bright,  intelligent,  neat-handed  girl  of  •whom 
anything  may  be  made.  Sometimes  she  has  loved  her  mistress 
and  the  children  too  much  to  seek  any  other  home  j  sometimes 
she  has  been  disappointed  in  a  love  atFair  ;  sometimes  she  has  a 
grim  contempt  for  men,  and  a  belief  in  the  proverb  about  needles 
and  pins  ;  sometimes  she  is  -wailing  in  a  long,  lingering,  highly 
respectable  engagement  for  a  no-longer-"  young  man,"  wailing 
for  the  change  that  is  to  enable  him  to  marry. 

She  must  any  way  be  grown  in  the  family,  or  at  least 
transplanted  from  intimate  friends.  She  is  too  valuable  to  bo 
adrift,  seeking  a  chance  situation,  and  in  general,  unless  sho  bo 
a  widow  forced  to  go  out  in  the  world  again,  or  a  daughter  who 
has  lived  at  home  until  her  parents'  dta'h,  she  is  only  to  be  had 
in  the  brcnk-up  of  some  hou-ehold.  "  Treasures,"  too,  do  not 
always  bear  to  be  transferred,  and  on  a  new  ground  will  bo 
touchy  and  tyiannical.  Jforeover,  it  is  quite  as  necessary  to 
have  a  character  of  the  lady  who  gives  the  character,  as  of  the 
servant.  "Whether  conscientious  truth,  timid  dread  of  con- 
sequences, easy  good-nature,  or  angry  temper  actuate  the  writer 
of  the  "character,"  there  is  no  knowing  without  personal 
acquaintance  ;  but,  on  our  own  side,  let  us  bear  in  mind  that 
there  is  nothing  in  which  the  rule  "to  be  true  and  just  in  all  my 
dealings  "  comes  so  much  into  play. 

Good  nurses  can  generally  be  procured  by  getting  young 
women  who  have  been  trained  in  good  nurseries.  The  care  of 
cliildren  is  so  congenial  to  women,  that  it  brings  out  their  best 
points  ;  and  there  is  much  to  be  said  in  favour  of  the  having  a 
lady-nurse  in  those  large  nurseries  of  wealthy  families  which 
form  a  world  apart.  Iklany  a  young  widow,  or  a  nursery 
governess,  would  make  an  excellent  motherly  nurse,  and  give 
the  refinement  which  is  sometimes  lacking  with  less  educated 
women. 

Ladies'  maids  are  a  much  maligned  race,  for  in  general  they 


MISTRESS   AND   SERVANT.  201 

are  a  very  kindly,  affectionate  class  of  woraen,  their  mistress's 
real  f  lieuds,  wlio  will  undergo  great  fatigue  and  exertion  for  them 
in  illues?,  and  support  them  through  small  ailments,  sympathize 
with  their  griefs  and  joys,  and  often  show  much  tact  and 
discretion  in  dealing  with  them  and  their  fiiends.  Literature 
represents  them  as  affected,  deceitful,  gay  in  their  dress,  and 
altogether  with  the  air  of  the  Abigail  or  souhrette;  whereas,  in 
fact,  they  are  generally  quiet,  rather  siiperior  people,  necessarily 
refined  in  their  ways,  though  sometimes  erring  a  little  on  the 
over-refined  side,  dressing  not  indeed  gaily,  but  with  the  degree 
of  fa.*hion  that  their  profession  almost  requires,  and  usually 
extremely  careful  of  their  demeanour.  They  are  often  deeply 
religious  persons,  and  a  little  care  on  their  mistress's  side  is  almost 
always  repaid,  even  when  they  come  young,  thoughtless,  or  spoilt 
by  a  careless  family.  It  is  a  very  good  plan  for  a  lady  to  make 
a  practice  of  reading  to  the  maid — who  is  brushing  her  hair — a 
short  piece  from  some  religious  book,  or  a  hymn  in  the  morning 
perhaps,  and  something  amusing  in  the  evening.  This  is 
especially  to  be  recommended  in  the  case  of  young  girls,  who 
may  thus  be  prevented  from  forming  habits  of  chatter  and 
gossip. 

Ladies'  maids  however  are  but  a  small  class,  recruited  either 
from  the  ranks  of  upper  house-maids  and  nurse-maids,  or 
from  those  who  may  be  termed  the  cadettes,  who  belong  to 
families  who  can  apprentice  them  to  dressmakers  before  sending 
them  out  as  young  lady's  maid. 

But  whatever  servant  it  lacks,  every  house  inu?t  have  its 
cook,  and  hence  the  great  difficulty  in  finding  them,  added  to 
which,  they  have  many  more  opportunities  of  marrying  than 
other  servants,  and  shrewd  men,  of  their  own  class,  well  know 
the  advantage  of  having  a  cook  foi  a  wife.  However,  it  is  no 
use  to  begin  on  cook  stories.  I  do  not  believe  in  the  dismal 
allegations  that  drinking  and  dishonest  cooks  are  inevitable ;  I 
am  certain  that  where  there  is  care  taken  that  the  household 
should  have  sound  religious  habits  and  morals,  and  there  is 
kindly  care  and  supervision  without  spying — not  as  a  measure  of 


202  WOMANKIND. 

self-defenco  or  police,  but  simply  because  as  mistresses  we  arc 
responsible,  and  have  a  duty  to  our  servants'  souls — tliere  a 
spirit  will  form  itself  that  will  attach  and  raise  the  household  to 
a  trustworthy  level.  Those  who  look  on  all  servants  as  a  class 
or  a  hostile  race,  to  be  treated  as  machines,  and  watched  like 
thievish  Arctic  loxes,.  never  deserve  to  have  a  good  servant,  and 
never  will  get  one.  There  never  was  a  truer  proverb  than — 
'•  Like  master  like  man."  Like  mistress  like  maid.  If  you  aie 
conscientious  yourself,  you  will  get  conscientious  servants,  either 
by  forniin<i  them  or  atlractiug  them. 


CnAPTER  XXIV. 

SPIRITUAL   DIRECTION. 


The  child  grows  up  in  happy  families  watched  and  checked, 
and  when  she  has  done  wrong,  pours  out  her  grief  for  her  error 
to  her  parents  and  is  forgiven.  She  is  taught  her  duty  to  God. 
and  she  follows  the  leading  of  her  home  and  the  circumstances 
round  her  through  the  earlier  years  of  her  womanhood. 

But  she  may  have  had  to  form  her  principles  for  herself,  and 
even  when  well  trained  her  soul  and  spirit  often  awaken  to 
needs  that  cannot  be  satisfied  with  what  contented  her  girlhood. 
Perhaps  she  can  no  longer  take  family  dicta  or  home  habits  for 
granted  as  perfection.  Some  unhappy  crisis  may  have  deprived 
her  parents  of  their  entire  infallibility  in  her  eyes.  Or  she  has 
feelings  and  longings  with  which  they  cannot  sympathize,  con- 
victions they  do  not  comprehend,  or  something  has  revealed  to 
her  that  there  are  questions  they  cannot  answer  so  as  to  satisfy 
her — in  short,  that  she  cannot  keep  any  longer  in  the  old  groove 
without  some  certainty  that  it  is  the  right  one.  Or  again,  death 
and  change  have  left  her  altogether  independent,  and  forced  her 
to  think  and  act  for  herself,  while  she  has  left  behind  all  the 


SPIRITUAL   DIRECTIOIT.  203 

familiar  voices  of  outspoken  praise  and  Llanie  that  instantly 
took  her  to  task  for  her  foibles. 

WLat  has  the  when  she  has  lost  or  outgrown  her  home  guides  1 
She  has  her  God.  She  has  perhaps  kni'lt  with  a  new  and 
overwhehning  sensation  as  she  said,  "  Our  Father,  which  art  in 
heaven,"  and  she  knows  what  it  is  to  have  prayers  made  nearer 
and  more  real  by  the  troubles  that  have  left  her  to  that  true 
Father.  Some  minds  feel  this  intimate  support  so  deeply  and 
entirely,  and  are  so  reserved,  that  they  would  shrink  from  all 
helps  external  thereto.  No  one  would  dare  to  say  that  they 
are  in  error.  They  watch  themselves,  confess  their  daily  short- 
comings with  deep  repentance,  and  take  home  the  promise  of 
pardon  through  the  Infinite  Merits  held  out  to  them  in  the 
Absolution  and  sealed  in  the  Holy  Eucharist,  and  a  stranger 
doth  not  intermeddle  with  them.  The  Absolutions  in  the 
Communion  Office,  and  at  Matins  and  Evensong  are  spoken  in 
virtue  of  our  Lord's  commission  to  the  Apostles,  and  to  those 
who  truly  repent  and  unfeignedly  believe  carry  the  full  message 
of  pardon. 

The  full  efficacy  of  these  public  Absolutions  has  been  of  late 
called  in  question  ;  but  the  whole  body  of  English  divines  ever 
since  they  were  framed  have  regarded  them  as  true  authoritative 
Absolutions.  It  may  be  enough  to  mention  Bishops  Sparrow 
and  Wilson,  and  Keble.  Nay,  the  fact  that  they  can  only  be 
spoken  by  a  piiest,  his  position  and  the  language  they  contain, 
seem  to  me  to  make  it  conclusive  that  they  were  thus  framed 
to  serve  tlie  needs  of  those  with  whom  private  confession  was 
no  longer  made  compulsory.  The  grace  of  Absolution  is  only 
granted  to  the  truly  penitent,  but  among  those  who  all  alike 
hear,  the  true  Pai doner  can  single  out  the  cases  where  the  word 
is  mixed  with  faith  in  the  hearers.  The  question  surely  is  not 
what  the  early  Church  meant  by  the  mutual  confession  and 
Absolution  of  priest  and  people  in  the  analogous  part  of  the 
Liturgy,  but  in  what  sense  our  Bishops  and  priests  meant  the 
priest  to  pronounce  the  words  they  framed  and  put  into  his 
mouth. 


204  WOMAXICIXD. 

Therefore  it  does  not  seem  to  me  that  a  person  who  is  not  in 
danger  of  complacent  st-lf-deceit,  and  is  sure  to  find  out,  or  be 
shown  his  or  her  faults,  is  necessarily  in  need  of  any  other  con- 
fession than  that  direct  to  God  Himself.  Atid  in  the  case  of 
very  young  giils  (save  on  very  exceptional  grounds),  private 
confession  has  been  often  found  not  to  work  well,  partly,  per- 
haps, from  the  present  state  of  things  where  it  does  not  come 
as  a  matter  of  course,  and  therefore  (especially  in  girls'  schools) 
is  an  excitement  and  a  distincti(jn.  Nay,  even,  if  we  may  judge 
from  the  reports  of  those  who  have  seen  the  ways  of  lionian 
Catholic  girls  of  the  same  age,  there  is  a  strange  levity,  a  hunt- 
ing-up  of  faults,  as  if  their  recapitulation  were  a  mere  lesson, 
and  a  tendency  to  treat  them  as  something  with  which  to 
answer  the  priest's  questions.  Then  there  is  the  excitement  of 
talking  about  oneself,  especially  to  one  of  the  other  sex,  and 
the  uncertainty  of  the  perfect  judgment  of  the  hearer.  Marie 
Louise  de  I'-Aniourous  complaimd  that  her  confessors  were  con- 
stantly being  taken  in,  uninteiitionally,  by  her  penitents ;  and 
M^re  Angelique  was  whole  years  in  finding  any  one  who  could 
deal  with  her  nuns.  A  sensible  woman  is  generally  much  better 
able  to  discipline  a  tolerable  girl's  little  follies  than  any  man 
can  do  ;  and,  as  we  have  said  before,  when  she  is  really  penitent 
there  is  the  Absolution  for  her  in  Church. 

Of  boys  1  am  not  spt-aking.  I  do  not  know  enough  of  the 
evidence  of  the  advantage  or  disadvantage  of  the  practical 
working.  They  have  worse  temptations ;  they  do  not  so  much 
love  to  talk  of  themselves;  and  that  may  be  good  for  them 
which  does  not  seem  to  be  beneficial  to  their  sisters.  Yet  my 
feeling  is  that  private  confession  ought  not  to  be  forced  on  any 
one  as  a  prescribed  duty  or  matter  of  course ;  but  rather  its 
theory  should  be  explained,  as  showing  the  way  to  a  privilege 
which  may  be  much  needed,  but  not  certainly. 

I  would  not  link  it,  as  some  do,  with  a  young  girl's  Confirma- 
tion and  first  Communion  ;  nor  prescribe  regular  brief  intervals 
for  her,  wliile  she  has  a  careful  home  and  religious  parents  ;  but 
only  lead  her  to  self-examination  and  direct  confess  inn  m  her 


SPIRITUAL    DIEECTION.  205 

hoiir*^,  goinp;  along  with  the  two  forms  in  Church,  and  accepting 
the  Absohition  as  freeing  her. 

By  and  by,  with  circumstances  will  come  the  deepening  and 
the  craving  for  more ;  but  if  that  more  can  be  attained  in  direct 
communion  with  God.  all  is  well. 

Yet  for  one  spirit  that  can  thus  stand  alone,  there  are  twenty 
(at  least  among  women)  who  need  counsel  and  guidance.  To 
such  the  vit'd  voce  confession,  the  direct  individual  Absolution, 
and  the  counsel  for  the  future  are  an  unspeakable  comfort, 
The  vagueness  of  the  silent  confession  is  removed,  and  ihe 
watchfulness  necessary  for  a  future  one  is  a  !.'reat  ar^sistance  both 
in  self-examination  and  in  governing  the  action?.  Of  course  it 
is  easy  to  say  that  the  confession  to  God  alone  is  more  direct, 
and  that  we  mnst  be  honest  with  the  All-seeing.  No  doubt 
many  have  so  found  it,  and  they  have  walked  and  still  walk  in 
light ;  but  they  should  not  constrain  all  others  to  measure  by 
the  same  rule  as  themselves. 

The  popular  objections  to  confession  are,  first,  that  which  I 
should  be  ashamed  to  mention,  but  that  it  really  is  sometimes 
made  "by  people  who  ought  to  know  better,  and  is  founded  on 
stories  occurring  in  foreign  lands,  with  a  rude  peasant  priest- 
hood, namely,  the  insinuation  of  evil.  This  is  too  absurd  and 
preposterous  to  be  made  by  any  one  who  knows  the  character  of 
the  English  clergy. 

The  next  is  family  dislike  to  any  external  person  knowing 
not  only  the  sins  of  the  individual,  but  the  difficulties  and 
secrets  of  the  household,  which  are  supposed  to  become 
matter  of  gossip ;  also  a  fear  of  undue  influence.  This  is  for 
want  of  properly  understanding  the  system.  ISTot  only  is  the 
priest  bound  to  absolute  secrecy,  but  it  is  one  of  the  primary  rules 
that  no  irrelevant  matter  .^hould  be  introduced,  nor  anybody 
else  accused.  And  if  people  doubt  of  the  judiciousness  of  the 
director,  tbey  have  done  their  very  best  to  cause  the  difficulty, 
by  the  furious  outburst  of  clamour  which  met  the  petition  that 
confessors  might  be  licensed  by  the  Bishops.  This,  though 
every  priest  has  ex  officio  the  power  of  Absolution,  would  have 


206  WOMANKIND. 

marlced  off  those  -with  wisdom,  judgment,  and  experience  enough 
to  be  safe  spiritual  guides.  Most  likely  such  a  plan  was 
coutem plated  by  the  composers  of  the  exhortation  in  the 
Li'irrgy,  when  the  officiating  minister  is  made  to  say,  "  Let  him 
come  to  me,  or  to  &ome  other  discreet  and  learned  minister." 
And  in  general,  clergymen  have  far  too  mnch  on  their  hands  to 
wi&h  to  listen  to  anything  superfluous  from  their  penitents. 

Another  objection,  and  one  vhich  deserves  respect,  is  that 
the  leaning  on  another  mind  is  fostering  "weaknes?,  and  that 
direction  destroys  strength  of  character.  But  is  not  this 
saying  that  to  lean  on  a  staff  makes  one  weak,  and  that 
therefore  the  weak  must  not  use  one  %  It  may  bo  so  in  some 
cases.  There  is  a  school  of  discipline  in  the  Eoman  Catholic 
Church  which  makes  implicit  submission  the  great  perfection, 
but  even  there  it  is  only  one  school  that  does  so,  and  thab  one 
so  late  a3  to  be  of  our  own  day.  It  is  never  likely  to  bo  a 
frequent  danger  of  our  sturdy  English  nature,  which  finds  a 
dogged  assertion  of  freedom  of  action  far  more  congenial.  Even 
if  it  were,  it  must  be  taken  as  one  of  the  minor  counter- 
balancing evils  that  beset  cvcrytliing,  however  good. 

Anotlier  of  these  evils,  find  the  worst  of  all,  is  the  fancy 
that,  freedom  from  the  past  sin  being  thus  gained,  a  new  score 
may  be  begun.  Nobody  in  these  days  would  dare  to  put  this 
into  words,  for  of  course  any  such  feeling  shows  that  there  is 
no  repentance,  that  the  confession  has  been  only  outward,  and 
that  there  is  no  hatred  of  the  sin,  so  that  the  very  conditions 
of  Absolution  are  not  fulfilled. 

Such  are  the  objections  usually  made,  even  by  those  who  are 
fully  instructed  in  the  meaning  of  Sacramental  Confession,  and 
would  acknowledge  the  need  thereof  on  a  deathbed,  or  in  the 
case  of  the  conversion  of  an  ungodly  person,  who  could  not  be 
admitted  to  Communion  without  evidence  of  sincerity.  They 
would  make  the  rule  rest  on  "if  he  cannot  quiet  his  own 
conscience." 

This  is  the  rule,  the  Church  rule,  and  a  perfectly  safe  one. 
The  conscience  that  is  unquiet  needs  spiritual   comfort   and 


BPIBITUAL   DIRECTION.  207 

comisel,  and  ouj^t  not  to  be  detarrcd  from  it;  ar.d  tLe  con- 
science ought  to  bo  disquieted,  not  only  about  some  great 
palpable  otfence,  but  about  the  multitude  of  petty  sins  that — 
as  it  has  been  well  said — are  like  falling  leaves,  each  one  very 
tmall  in  itself,  but  forming  a  choking  mass  of  decay  and 
corruption  if  not  cleared  away. 

A  general  sense  is  awakened  in  a  person's  mind,  that  he  or 
she  is  not  going  on  very  well.  Prayers  are  laugnid,  there  is 
dulness  and  wandering  at  Church,  no  energy  in  the  few  good 
works  in  hand,  or  it  may  be  a  sense  of  dissatisfaction  witli 
oneself  after  a  time  of  pleasure  and  ex.eitcment;  or  a  doubt 
whether  all  one's  habits  are  right  in  themselvc?,  or  whether  one 
is  acting  from  world liness  or  obedience.  Attempts  at  self- 
examination  often  only  puzzle  for  want  of  definitencss,  or  from 
raising  up  conflicting  questions  of  duty.  The  numerou:* 
manuals  given  for  the  purpose  seldom  can  probe  to  the  poiut. 
It  is  like  reading  medical  books  instead  of  going  to  the  doctor, 
a  proverbial  way  of  getting  into  a  morbid  state  of  mind.  Some 
classes  of  mind  do  fall  into  a  distressed  and  melancholy  state 
from  never  being  sure  that  they  are  not  deceiving  themselves, 
while  others  wear  through  the  time,  and  lose  the  sense  of 
present  pain,  whether  for  their  own  good  or  not  cannot  be  told ; 
Avhile  others,  as  diaries  show,  go  on  struggling  and  yearning 
still. 

Would  it  not  be  wiser  to  turn  to  the  remedy  the  Church  has 
provided?  A  priest  is  of  course  not  infallible,  but,  even  humanly 
speaking,  if  he  be  known  as  a  spiritual  guide,  he  must  have 
had  experience  in  dealing  with  souls,  such  as  will  enable  him  to 
explain  how  to  arrive  at  the  bottom  of  the  vague  disquietude, 
and  show  where  is  the  untraced  sin,  and  advise  how  to  conquer 
it,  or  satisfy  the  inquirer  as  to  what  is  the  paramount  duty 
where  two  are  conllicting,  guide  to  books  and  devotions  that 
might  otherwise  never  have  been  heard  of,  and  point  out  modes 
of  self-discipline  or  duties  neglected.  And  if  there  be  some 
remembered  misdeed  making  the  conscience  sore,  some  choice 
for  the  worse  that  has  lIa-o\vn  the  whole  course  astray,  or  an 


208  WOMANKIND. 

accumulation  of  offences  committed  in  ignorance,  or  thought- 
lessnes.s,  then  how  infinite  is  the  comfort  of  the  authoritative 
individual  Absolution,  in  the  Name  of  Him  Who  gave  power 
to  bind  and  to  loose,  how  blessed  to  leave  the  burthen  at  th« 
foot  of  the  Cross  ! 

It  seems  to  me  that  during  the  childhood  and  simplicity  of 
the  child  or  woman  in  the  hands  of  her  parents,  this  other 
guidance  is  not  needed,  and  that  the  pardon  she  needs  is  pro- 
nounced in  the  public  rites  of  the  Church ;  but  that  when  the 
time  comes  that  she  passes  beyond  these  home  props,  and 
becomes  uneasy  and  perplexed  in  the  deepening  of  her  character 
and  her  perception  of  higher  aims,  the  "  spiritual  comfort  and 
counsel"  become  most  desirable.  Some  crisis  in  earlier  times 
sometimes  makes  it  well  to  begin,  such  as  some  great  mis- 
demeanour, or  some  fault  that  no  one  has  been  able  to  correct. 

For  my  own  part,  I  would  never  press  on  anyone  the  need  of 
confession,  unless  I  saw  that  the  conscience  was  troubled  and 
restless,  or  I  had  reason  from  my  own  observation  to  think  that 
there  was  some  evil  habit  visible  to  others  yet  undetected  by 
the  individual.  But  the  whole  doctrine  involved  in  the 
explanation  of  the  article,  "  The  forgiveness  of  sins,"  and  the 
commission  of  Christ  to  His  Apostles  should  be  taught  to 
everyone.  And  if  the  desire  for  confession  were  awakened, 
I  would  never  attempt  to  hinder  it,  not  knowing  what  may  be 
the  need  of  the  soul  that  I  cannot  see,  nor  what  serious  loss 
and  damage  may  be  intiicted  by  withholding  it  from  what  it 
may  justly  claim  as  part  of  its  present  right  in  the  inheritance 
of  the  Kingdom  of  Heaven. 

In  the  choice  of  the  Spiritual  Guide,  circumstances  are  the 
leading  of  Providence,  and  the  parents,  when  consenting  or 
promoting,  have  a  full  right  of  decision.  There  may  often  be 
reasons  why  the  parish  priest  (even  if  he  be  wdling  t'»  hear 
confessions)  may  not  be  the  best  for  an'  individual  case.  A 
comparative  stranger  may  be  the  best  judge  of  the  amount  of 
failure,  and  the  lack  of  knowledge  of  the  surroundings  may 
be  a  positive  advanta-e  ;    while  to   another,  the   fatheriiuess 


SPIRITUAL   DinECTIOir.  209 

of    the    clergyman    known   from   infancy   miy   bo    a   special 
blessing. 

In  the  absence  of  any  authoritative  regulation,  nothing  is 
possible  b.ic  advice  and  hints  given  with  m-ich  diffidence.  One 
of  these  would  be,  that  the  choice  had  better  fall  on  an  elderly 
priest  rather  than  a  very  young  one,  since  it  is  certain  that  the 
former  must  have  more  experience  ;  and  besides  he  is  a  tried  man, 
and  far  less  likely  to  try  to  carry  out  theories  of  his  own,  or 
imitations  of  practices  the  fitness  of  which  for  English  character 
has  not  been  proved. 

The  other  questions,  of  frequency  of  confession,  and  also 
whether  it  shall  be  only  to  the  Spiritual  Guide,  or  to  any 
other  priest  when  he  is  not  within  reach,  these  must  be  left  to 
his  decision,  and  there  is  no  more  to  say  about  them. 

A  hint  or  two  moie  must  be  given.  It  is  almost  incredible 
that  such  should  be  needed,  but  the  want  of  them  has  made 
itself  only  too  evident,  though,  perhaps,  more  in  those  who 
have  been  taught  to  use  this  privilege  when  not  ripe  enough  to 
appreciate  it,  or  who  have  only  taken  it  up  from  a  sort  of 
fashion. 

Of  all  hateful  kinds  of  gossip,  one  of  the  not  shocking  is 
that  about  the  different  ways  of  confessors.  It  is  not  only 
irreverent,  but  a  dishonourable  breach  of  sacred  confidenc. 
The  priest  is  bound  to  absolute  secrecy  with  regard  to  his 
penitent ;  the  penitent  is  just  as  much  so  with  regard  to  any 
peculiarities  of  his.  Besides,  wheie  can  the  real  penitence  be, 
if  there  be  levity  enough  to  make  such  observations  1 

Again,  we  know  how  the  poor  plead  that  they  do  not  see 
that  such  and  such  a  person  is  the  better  for  going  to  church,  or 
being  a  communicant,  and  bring  up  all  his  faults  against  him. 
It  is  the  same  with  those  w  h )  are  known  to  be  in  the  habit  of 
confession.  The  world  has  laid  hold  of  a  truth  here.  They 
ought  to  be  better  than  other  people,  or  else  they  bring  scandal 
on  their  profession.  Fe^ations  are  quick  to  note  the  errors  of 
one  another,  especially  if  their  notions  are  not  the  same,  and 
outbreaks  of  temper,  selfishness,  evil-speaking,  or  worldliness 


210  WOMANKIND. 

will  be  cited  as  proofs  of  the  incompetency  of  the  system  that 
has  not  cured  them. 

Now  ill-temper  is  sometimes  a  bodily  or  nervous  affection, 
and  sometimes  it  really  springs  from  intense  sensitiveness  not 
yet  under  control ;  but  tlie  other  faults  are  all  wilful  ones,  and 
their  continuance  unrepressed  can  only  spring  either  from 
dishonest  confessions,  from  want  of  earnestness  in  following  out 
the  remedies,  or  from  that  terrible  levitj-^,  before  mentioned, 
which  presumes  on  pardon  to  go  on  in  sin.  Therefore,  the 
person  who  is  not  striving  to  improve  under  this  system  is  in 
the  double  danger  which  is  enhanced  by  all  misused  helps. 

And  this  is  oiiC  reason  for  which  I  would  so  strongly  depre- 
cate its  being  enforced  before  the  soul  hfs  reached  maturity 
(nou^h  to  feel  the  need  of  it.  And  if  a  young  person  asked  for 
it  under  circumstances  that  made  it  possible  that  she  was  led  by 
imitation,  or  fancy,  or  desire  of  making  a  sensation  in  her 
family,  it  would  be  well  to  show  her  the  great  solemnity  of  the 
rite,  and  beg  her  to  make  as  sure  as  possible  of  her  own 
motives,  before  granting  the  request. 

It  should  be  remembered  that  the  law,  universally  enforcing 
private  confession  before  Communion,  was  not  one  of  the 
Universal  Church  ;  but  was  made  in  the  thirteenth  century,  in 
hopes  of  restraining  the  lawlessness  of  the  times.  Public  con- 
f(>ssion,  general  enough  for  all  to  join  in  with  personal  recollec- 
tion, and  public  Absolution,  applied  no  doubt  to  those  who 
truly  repent  and  believe,  have  been  afforded  by  our  Church  ; 
but  where  there  is  a  difficulty  in  knowing  whether  the  repentance 
be  true,  or  in  detecting  the  sin,  then  private  confession  is  the 
means  sanctioned  for  the  recovery  of  the  soul. 

Nor  does  Spiritual  Guidance  at  all  mean  putting  oneself  into 
the  hands  of  one  who  will  exact  blind  obedience,  or  exercise 
priestcraft,  as  it  is  called.  Such  influence  as  we  were  reminded 
of  in  Dominie  Freylinghausen  exists  wherever  there  are  weak 
women  and  ministers  who  try  to  rule  them.  The  Pliarisees 
devoured  widows'  houses,  and  there  were  those  in  St.  Paul's 
time  who  led  captive  silly  women.     Molicre  has  shown  off  a 


SPIRITUAL   DIRECTION.  211 

Tartuffe  and  Dickens  a  Gradgrind.  But  these  men  jircvailed  l^y 
flattery  and  outwai-d  show,  not  by  the  stern  and  strictly-guarded 
relations  of  prie:st  and  penitent.  The  leading  is  not  an  attempt 
to  direct  in  the  common  ways  of  life,  but  an  assistance  in  deal- 
ing with  sins,  and  in  rising  to  higher  and  deeper  devotion.  To 
those  who  feel  the  exceeding  danger  of  drifting  into  bad  habits 
and  worldly  customs,  and  heaping  sin  upon  sin  for  want  of 
warning,  it  is  an  inestimable  boon,  supplying  the  lack  of  those 
voices  of  home  whose  praise  or  blame  were  our  "  way-marks 
sure "  in  our  childhood.  If  we  look  at  biography,  we  shall 
find  leligious  melancholy  far  more  common  among  those  who 
try  to  do  everything  for  themselves,  trusting  merely  to  their 
own  sensations,  than  to  those  who  have  kept  to  the  way  traced 
by  our  Lord  for  His  Church,  in  which  is  found  the  constant  joy 
of  Pardon  and  Peace. 


CHAPTER  XXy. 

VIEWS    AND    OPINIONS. 


Most  writers  take  the  line  of  declaring  that  what  opinions 
are  held  is  immaterial  provided  we  are  in  earnest  about  them ; 
nay,  most  books  of  advice  for  women  never  enter  on  the  choice 
of  religion  or  politics  at  all.  They  ignore  politics  altogether, 
and  as  to  religion,  they  tell  us  to  be  religious  without  being 
theologians,  which  seems  to  me  impossible  in  intelligent  crea- 
tures. 

But  in  wiiting  for  the  many,  it  is  the  most  popular  way  to 
assume  that  there  are  many  ways  of  being  in  the  right — which 
is  pretty  much  as  if  we  were  to  say  that  it  was  very  harsh  to 
say  that  only  one  line  between  two  points  can  be  straight,  and 
very  illiberal  to  declare  that  only  one  answer  to  a  sum  can  bo 
right. 

p  2 


212  WOMANKIND. 

The  real  difficulty  is  that,  except  in  what  is  strictly  revealed 
and  commanded  in  matters  of  faith  and  practice,  nobody  ia 
really  righ^,  and  every  question  has  two  sides,  on  which  views 
are  vibrating,  some  nearer  the  exact  right  than  others. 

In  our  country  of  open  discussion  -and  strong  parties,  this 
will  always  be  e-pecially  the  case.  "Her  Majesty's  Opposition" 
is  sure  to  be  an  institution,  and  our  balance  both  in  Church  and 
State  is  preserved  by  the  watchfulness  and  caution  of  both 
parties,  and  by  the  swinging  of  the  pendulum  to  one  side  or 
the  other.  Ever  since  we  have  had  a  country,  there  has  been 
always  a  strife  between  loyalty  to  the  sovereign  and  to  the  law, 
and  whether  the  will  of  the  monarch  or  of  the  people,  of  the 
few  or  of  the  many,  should  be  paramount. 

In  like  manner,  ever  since  we  have  had  a  Church  there  have 
beiin  questions  on  authority,  on  patronage,  on  all  sorts  of  details  ; 
and  ever  since  the  Eeforujation  there  have  been  two  sets  of 
opinions  running  along  side  by  side — the  Catholic  and  the 
Calvinist.  Our  Church  has  kept  both  within  her  pale,  for  surely 
it  is  better  that  there  should  be  "  no  schism  in  the  Body,"  so 
long  as  the  vital  articles  of  the  faith  are  not  impugaed — even 
though  the  privileges  she  offers  are  not  understood  in  their 
fulness. 

The  worst  times  of  England  were  those  when  the  most  fervent 
of  the  Church  party  had  resigned  their  benefices  as  non-jurors  ; 
and  the  indifference  of  the  Court  told  in  universal  laxity. 
John  Wesley,  the  first  to  awaken  from  the  lethargy,  was  dis- 
trusted and  discouraged  till  he  formed  a  schism,  but  the  spirit 
he  had  aroused  showed  itself  in  many  excellent  persons  within 
the  Church.  For  the  most  part,  however,  they  held  Calvinistic 
opinions,  and  trusted  more  to  the  feelings,  than  to  the  fait  (if  ul 
reception  of  the  Sacraments.  With  them,  the  one  great  poiut 
was  the  conviction  of  sin,  and  the  assurance  that  it  had  been 
atoned  for  by  our  Lord.  To  produce  and  maintain  these  feelings, 
constant  sermons  were  needed  on  the  one  subject,  and  whatever 
could  excite  them  was  eagerly  sought  for.  The  intense  love 
and  clinging  to  our  Lord  was  the  blessed  thing  in  the  holiei 


VIEWS  AND  0PI^"I0^:3.  213 

among  tlioso  who  held  these  opinions,  but  the  weak  points  were 
that  they  held  so  exclusively  to  this  feeling  as  to  disregard  the 
Sacraments,  and  thai;  in  their  dread  of  trusting  to  works  they 
forgot  that  sanctification  is  the  will  of  God.  The  endeavour  at 
obedience  when  the  soul  was  not  yet  C'jnscious  of  direct  illumi- 
nation was  viewed  by  them  as  mere  legality.  There  were 
niauy  saintly- minded  people  among  them  who  loathed  sin  for 
the  love  of  Christ,  and  for  the  same  reasou  exercised  the  greatest 
love  to  all ;  but  those  who  were  not  of  such  a  frame  were 
tempted  to  think  no  effort  at  goodness  of  any  use  so  long  as 
they  were  not  converted,  when  they  expected  that  the  InMnite 
Merits  would  hide  all  their  sin. 

All  this  time  there  were  sober  minded  quiet  people  who  held 
the  old  doctrines  of  the  English  Church.  They  believed  that 
Eegeneration  comes  in  Baptism,  and  that  some  go  on  living 
their  new  life  without  any  palpable  conversion,  and  that  where, 
after  a  course  of  evil,  their  conversion  takes  place,  it  is  a  rousing 
of  baptismal  grace,  not  a  new  birth  in  itself.  They  believed 
that  Sacraments  are  the  means  of  evidencing  our  faith  and 
coming  for  our  Lord's  promised  pardon  to  be  applied  to  ourselves, 
and  that  a  holy  life  of  obedience  is  the  best  evidence  of  failh  ; 
nay,  that  though  man's  doings  are  imperfect,  yet  that  what 
deeds  he  does  under  the  guidance  of  the  Holy  Spirit  are  accepted 
of  God,  and  are  steps  towards  Heaven.  And  when  the  Bible 
was  appealed  to  as  the  only  ground  of  faith,  they  held  thit  the 
teaching  of  the  Church  must  be  accepted  to  explain  it,  and 
guide  us  in  our  understanding  of  it  And  especially  were  they 
jealous  of  all  teaching  not  sanctioned  by  the  Church  ;  but  they 
took  the  Prayer-book  as  the  rule,  and  clung  fast  to  the  appointed 
ministry. 

From  among  these  rose  the  deeper  thinkers  who  took  up, 
explained,  and  strengthened  all  that  was  held  by  the  English 
Church,  and  developed  her  true  powers,  dwelling  on  her  Catho- 
licity, and  realizing  what  is  meant  when  the  Apostles  tell  us  of 
one  glorious,  spotless,  and  uni'ed  Church. 

The  Prayer-book  had  been  the  witness  of  the  truth  throughout. 


214  WOMANKIND. 

Those  prrsons  began  by  acting  up  to  tbe  standard  there  set 
forth,  which  had  been  thought  obsolete,  and  behold  !  it  developed 
into  a  thing  of  power  and  might  far  beyond  what  they  had 
themselves  understood. 

But  herewith  came  one  danger.  There  was  a  habit  deeply 
rooted  in  the  English  mind  of  regarding  everything  done  or 
believed  by  Roman  Catholics  as  necessarily  wrong,  and  of  con- 
founding what  is  permitted  with  what  is  enjoined;  so  that 
many  persons,  when  they  discovered  that  the  Roman  theory  had 
been  so  much  misrepresented,  felt  a  strong  reaction  towards  it, 
which  was  increased  by  the  determination  of  the  Evangelicals 
to  view  every  attempt  at  following  up  the  English  Prayer-book 
as  a  return  to  Romanism.  And  when  this  cry  was  echoed  in 
high  places,  some  grew  impatient,  and  thought  Cdtholicity  was 
disowned  by  the  Church  of  England,  and  others  were  attracted 
by  the  strong  claims  that  Rome  can  show  to  continuity  and 
unity  within  herself.  Their  defection  made  the  trial  greater  to 
the  loyal  love  and  faith  of  the  others,  who  held  fast  by  their 
Mother,  and  by  their  steadfastness  have  obtained  the  almost 
universal  recognition  of  much  which  was  viewed  as  a  strange 
novelty  when  first  brought  forward. 

Religious  people  in  England  are,  as  a  rule,  belonging  to  one 
or  other  of  these  two  camps — those  who  hold  to  the  Evangelical 
side,  which  lays  stress  on  the  individual  sense  of  pardon  through 
faith  in  the  Atonement,  and  the  Catholic,  which  builds  on  that 
faith  the  belief  in  the  power  of  the  Sacraments,  and  of  personal 
holiness  and  meritorious  action  through  the  aid  of  the  Holy 
Spirit. 

Between  these  two  poles  there  are  many  degrees  of  differ- 
ence, some  Evangelicals  in  the  essentials  of  their  doctrine  being 
attached  to  the  framework  of  the  English  Church,  from  asso- 
ciation and  loyal  feeling  ;  while  of  the  other  side  there  are 
many  who  have  a  strong  faith  in  the  teachings  of  the  Church, 
yet  who  dread  whatever  they  have  not  been  used  to,  or  that 
they  think  savours  of  Rome.  There  are  some  Avho  wish  to  be 
in  harmony  with  the  whole  Church,  Eastern  and  Western  alike^ 


VIEWS  AND  oriNioxs.  215 

and  therefore  adopt  customs  which  to  others  appear  like  mere 
imitations  of  Rome. 

Another  thing  must  be  allowed  for,  namely,  that  one  class  of 
minds  is  helped  and  another  hindered  by  external  ornament 
and  these  are  apt  to  be  intolerant  one  of  another. 

Of  late  years,  too,  a  third  party  has  sprung  up.  It  is  what 
can  only  be  called  the  Rationalistic.  Both  High  and  Low 
Church  had  been  agreed  in  viewing  Holy  Scri[)ture  as  the  final 
appeal  as  to  truth,  but  this  third  party,  Broad  as  it  has  come  to 
be  called,  insists  on  examining  into  the  authenticity  of  Holy 
Scripture  itself,  and  only  accepting  in  a  modified  degree  what 
approves  itself  to  them.  They  demand  a  close  definition  of 
ins[)iration,  and  the  most  rigid  evidence  of  the  authenticity  of 
each  book,  and  they  refuse  to  be  bound  by  anything  they 
cannot  sympathize  with. 

The  High  Churchman  can  meet  all  this  better  than  the  Low 
Churchman.  He  bases  his  acce|)tance  of  the  Holy  Word,  not 
only  on  its  internal  evidence,  but  on  the  authority  of  the  Church, 
which  he  can  distinctly  prove.  He  has  never  said  that  "  the 
Bible  and  the  Bible  only  "  is  his  religion,  but  that  the  religion 
the  Church  has  taught  him  may  be  proved  in  all  its  details  from 
the  Bible. 

Both  High  and  Low  are  equilly  sure  that  Holy  Scripture  is 
God's  Holy  Word,  and  as  His  Word  beyond  our  understanding. 
As  to  criticism,  that  may  come,  for  there  is  no  need  to  fear  it ; 
the  "  Word  shall  not  pass  away,"  it  will  only  be  made  clearer 
in  the  end,  though  difficulties  may  be  revealed  by  half  know- 
ledge. Ami  it  often  ends  by  showing  that  what  we  have  taken 
for  a  direct  Scriptural  statement  is  really  no  such  thing,  only 
a  sort  of  traditional  understanding  of  it,  put  into  words, 
perhaps,  in  our  first  nursery-book  of  stories  from  the  Bible, 
and  thenceforth  confounded  with  the  absolute  words  of  Holy 
Writ. 

There  were  Pharisees  and  Sadducees  from  the  time  Judah 
ceased  to  live  under  immediate  inspired  guidance,  and  there 
always  will  be  persons  who  cling  devoutly  to  ordinances,  persons 


216  WOMANKIND. 

who  care  most  for  spiritual  feeling  and  do  not  heed  externals, 
and  persons  of  a  critical  spirit. 

The  higher  and  nobler  of  all  these  do  not  differ  great 3y.  They 
all  hold  t!ie  eame  Faith  and  Love,  and  all  walk  together  in  light. 
Sadoc  and  Gamaliel,  if  they  had  been  contemporaries,  would  not 
have  dilTcred  as  to  the  Love  of  God  being  the  foremost  motive 
of  good  men.  It  is  the  follower.?,  the  ignorant  and  the  narrow 
on  both  sides,  who  have  party  spirit  and  run  into  hatred  and 
variance. 

Yes,  we  must,  as  things  are,  belong  to  a  party.  It  is  impossible 
to  defend  a  cmse  except  by  banding  together,  and  "Have  we 
not  a  cause  1 "  We  must  belo  g  to  a  party,  but  we  must  not 
indulge  in  party  spirit. 

It  sounds  paradoxical,  but  let  us  see  what  party  spirit  means, 
and  how  it  shows  itself.  It  does  not  occupy  itself  with  the 
great  questions  at  issue,  which  it  will  not  or  cannot  understand, 
but  with  the  little  outside  matters,  utterly  unimportant  except 
when  they  are  made  into  badges  and  watchwords,  and  ly  eiJier 
attacking  or  defending  these,  it  renders  them  outposts  around 
which  the  real  champions  have  to  spend  their  strength. 

Parfy  spirit  is  equally  ready  to  give  offence  and  to  M-atcli  for 
it.  It  will  tj'ail  its  coat  like  the  Irishman  in  the  fair,  anu  on 
the  other  hand  will  treat  the  smallest  difference  of  habit  as  a 
challenge.  It  will  detect  a  badge  in  the  wearing  of  a  glove  at 
church,  or  in  making  the  contraction  of  Saint,  St.  or  S. 

It  is  the  young  and  eager  and  the  narrow-minded  who  are 
most  liable  to  these  follies,  which  really  do  harm  to  themselves 
and  their  cause.  One  difficulty  is  that  they  do  not  always  know 
wliether  a  custom  is  really  of  importance,  or  whtth^r  it  is 
indiffei.  nt  Take  this  of  the  word  "saint."  S.  is  the  more 
correct  in  Latir,  because  it  will  do  as  well  for  Sancta  as  for 
Sanctus,  but  in  English  is  quite  indifferent. 

So  of  customs  at  church.  Party  spirit  looks  out,  instead  of 
minding  its  own  devotions,  for  what  others  do,  and  takes  a  note 
for  future  discussion  of  wh(  ever  bows  or  does  not  bow  at  certain 
places,  censures  in  fact  everybody  who  is  not  exactly  at  the 


VIEWS   AND   OPINIONS.  217 

level  of  the  observer.  And  where  there  is  the  opportunity  it 
delights  to  make  its  own  divergence  from  the  ways  of  the  place 
manifest. 

Here  is  indeed  one  difficulty,  namely,  that  to  abstain  from 
habits  of  reverence  in  a  strange  place  may  seem  a  shrinking  from 
confessing  our  faith  before  men.  I  think  the  only  way  is  to  try 
the  importance  of  the  custom  by  the  test  of  its  reason.  Kneeling, 
and  bowing  at  the  ]!^ame  above  every  Name  are  commands, 
therefore  must  not  be  given  up  for  any  fear  or  favour.  Turning 
eastward  at  the  Creed  is  an  old  habit  of  the  Church,  but  there 
are  other  customs,  reverent  in  themselves,  which,  among 
suspicious  strangers,  it  might  be  well  to  omit  rather  than  cause 
them  to  be  mocked. 

If  again  we  know  that  a  custom  is  very  strongly  condemned 
by  trustworthy  clergy,  and  we  do  not  know  the  reason,  we  had 
better  tr}'  to  learn  it.  Thus,  at  first  sight  the  reasons  against  an 
Evening  Communion  do  not  appear  manifest,  but  a  clergyman 
would  show  how  it  is  contrary  to  all  the  customs  and  canons  of 
the  Church  Univeis  il,  and  how  much  fitter  the  quiet  fresh  morn- 
ing hour  is  than  the  time  after  the  tear  and  wear  of  the  day. 

We  are  all  prone  to  love  the  flags  and  colours  of  our  cause, 
and  it  is  well.  We  may  have  to  fight  our  battle  round  them. 
At  the  same  time  there  is  a  tendency  to  dwell  on  ihem,  and  on 
the  catchwords,  as  if  they  were  the  important  point.  Each  party 
is  liable  to  have  both  its  twaddle  and  its  cant.  Emblems  to 
which  we  give  no  heartfelt  significance  and  only  use  out  of 
imitation,  phrases  caught  from  others  and  meaningless  to  us, 
these  are  means  of  lowering  our  cause  by  endowing  it  with  our 
own  silliness,  sometimes  our  irreverence. 

Common  sense  as  well  as  love  of  our  neighbour  are  needed  to 
try  aU  our  habits  before  we  form  them. 

There  is  likewise  a  wholesome  reserve  which  shrinks  from 
obtruding  itseK  or  flaunting  its  badges  either  for  praise  or 
blame.  Also,  consideration  for  the  feelings  of  others  and 
respect  for  elders  tend  to  make  outward  demonstration  be  kept 
back,  where  it  would  be  misunderstood. 


il8  VOMANKIND. 

Perhaps  the  worst  manifestations  of  party  spirit  are  in  to^wns 
•where  there  are  many  churches  of  slightly  different  shades  of 
practice.  The  clergy  themselves  may  be  perfectly  friendly,  but 
the  ladies  of  their  congregations  are  full  of  rivalship,  unwilling 
to  believe  any  good  of  the  sermons  at  each  other's  Churches, 
critical  of  the  decorations,  ecornful  about  the  schools  and 
charities,  jealous  of  any  benefit  given  to  another  parish,  as 
they  would  not  be  of  another  person,  and  glad  to  gossip  over 
any  story  to  the  disadvantage  of  the  lival  Church.  If  the 
same  opinions  as  their  own  pievail  there,  the  hostility  is  much 
greater  than  to  one  of  another  school.  If  it  is  mure  advanced, 
it  is  continually  blamed  for  "going  too  far;"  if  it  be  more 
moderate,  it  is  the  constant  theme  of  sneers. 

The  fault  is  as  old  as  the  days  when  the  Corinthians  said  : 
"  I  am  of  Paul,"  "  I  am  of  Apollos,"  "  I  am  of  Cephas."  It 
is  true  that  it  is  well  "  to  provoke  one  another  to  love  and  good 
works,"  and  that  there  is  a  right  rivalry,  which  spurs  people 
on ;  but  the  borders  of  evil  are  not  far  off,  and  the  moment  we 
transgress  the  spirit  of  love,  are  pleased  at  the  failures  of 
others,  sneer  at  their  shortcomings,  and  delight  in  fault-finding, 
we  are  in  danger. 

"Oh !  do  you  know  what  they  have  been  doing  at  St. 'si" 

is  a  very  dangerous  beginning,  and  when  there  is  a  slighting 

tone  in  saying  "  She  goes  to  St.  's,"  the  speaker  had  better 

bethink  herself.  Atiachment  to  our  own  need  not  be  disdain 
of  others. 

The  great  thing  is  to  depend  on  principles,  not  on  persons. 
It  is  the  great  difficulty  to  learn  not  to  erect  for  ourselves  popes 
or  idols,  whom  to  follow  implicitly.  We  must  prove  all  things 
and  hold  fast  that  which  is  good,  looking  to  our  One  Great 
Head,  above  and  beyond  all  under-shepherds  He  has  given  to 
us.  Those  shepherds  can  indeed  lead  us  and  aid  us,  but  the 
entire  surrender  of  oui  judgment  into  a  spirit  of  blind  parti- 
zanship  is  perilous.  Idolatry  begins  as  soon  as  "persons  are 
held  in  admiration,"  and  we  follow  blindly  without  the  honest 
endeavour  to  think  out  and  understand  aU  we  do,  and  above  all 


VIEWS    AND   OPINIONS.  219 

the  constant  reference  as  it  were  to  our  Lord  in  prayer  for 
steadfastness  in  the  faith  and  a  right  judgment  in  all  things. 

So  while  belonging  to  what  may  be  called  a  party  that  is 
distinctly  hoLling  to  the  cause  of  the  Church,  we  must  beware 
of  all  party  spirit  and  unfairne-s,  and  watch  over  our  dealing'^ 
with  the  other  side  so  as  to  endeavour  to  keep  the  "  unity  of 
the  spirit "  by  walking  in  love,  and  by  absence  of  all  bitterness 
and  evil  speaking.  And  where  we  have  to  do  with  the  young 
and  ignorant,  let  us  take  care  that  they  are  imbued  with  the 
fundamental  truths  we  hold  in  common  rather  thaa  let  them 
only  catch  up  externals. 

There  is  a  talk  about  its  being  very  wrong  that  there  should 
be  dissension  about  religion.  It  is  said  to  be  contrary  to  the 
Gospel  of  peace,  &c,,  and  we  are  made  to  suppose  that  the 
right  way  would  be  to  have  all  articles  of  faith  in  some  vague 
solution,  and  if  we  differ  in  believing  more  or  less  not  to  say 
anything  about  it. 

It  is  true  that  it  is  a  wretched  thing  that  there  should  be 
divisions,  but  that  is  not  a  reason  for  not  contending  earnestly 
for  the  faith  once  delivered  to  the  Saints.  Our  Lord,  though 
the  Prince  of  Peace,  sent  a  sword,  and  when  the  true  faith  in 
Him  and  in  His  ordinances  is  denied,  we  must  use  it  for  His 
sake  as  well  as  our  own  and  those  who  come  after  us.  Therefore 
we  must  stand  banded  together,  and  maintain  our  cause  :  but 
our  sword  is  not  that  of  injury,  or  ill  words,  or  bitter  thoughts 
— it  is  the  Sword  of  the  Spirit,  which  is  the  Word  of  God,  the 
open  defence  and  proclamation  of  the  truth,  the  living  as  far  us 
we  can  up  to  it,  and  the  foregoing  any  advantage,  giving  any 
offence,  rather  than  deny  it.  In  a  book  containing  many 
beauties,  St.  George  and  St.  Michael,  we  are  told  that  to 
join  in  an  act  of  worship  with  one  whose  faith  does  not  agree 
with  our  own  is  a  high  act  of  love  of  God.  This  might  be 
true  if  we  had  only  a  God  to  guess  about,  instead  of  Him 
Who  said,  *'Thou  shaft  have  none  other  gods  but  Me," 
and  then  carried  on  His  revelation  of  Himself  unfolding 
from  Mount  Sinai  to  the  Isle  of  Patmos.     To  allow  that  my 


220  WOMANKIND. 

neighbour,  who  (Ioc3  not  hold  what  has  heen  handed  down  to 
us  from  that  day  by  the  Church  is  not  in  lamentable  error,  may 
be  very  charitable  to  man,  but  it  cannot  be  more  faithful  to 
God  than  was  a  Jewish  king's  sanction  of  the  high  places. 
Therefore  without  hostility,  or  breaking  the  tie  of  love,  we 
must  guard  our  faith  and  our  worship  by  standing  aloof  from 
those  not  of  our  own  Communion,  and  by  thus  standing  apart 
we  are  forced  into  forming  a  party.  But  let  not  what  has  been 
said  of  this  necessity  lead  us  into  a  lightr-minded  giving  and 
accepting  the  names  of  parties.  One  silly  girl  will  call  herself 
"  a  tremendous  Kitualist "  because  she  likes  Church  decorations, 
another  will  declare  that  somebody  else  is  "shockingly  Low" 
for  not  standing  or  kneeling  at  some  part  of  the  service.  There 
is  evil  and  danger  in  such  ignorant  playing  with  grave  matters. 
If  we  take  our  side,  it  must  be  because  we  care  for  our  Lord 
and  His  Church,  not  because  we  like  music  and  flowers.  This 
would  be  on  a  par  with  saying  one  would  be  a  cavalier  for  the 
sake  of  the  plumes  and  love-locks. 

And  if,  as  some  tell  us,  the  forces  of  the  world  and  of  sin 
are  marshalling  themselves  for  that  great  assault  in  which,  if 
it  were  possible,  they  should  deceive  the  verj-^  elect,  it  is  more 
than  ever  needful  that  every  one  who  has  mind  and  soul  to  do 
60  should  clearly  and  definitely  master,  as  far  as  possible,  his  or 
her  own  faith,  and  study  its  details,  strengthening  it  by 
Eucharists,  prayer,  and  good  works,  lest  it  be  swept  away 
unawares  ;  and  for  the  same  reason  all  in  our  power  to  strengthen 
and  instruct  others  and  to  raise  a  standard  for  the  right  should 
be  done.  In  the  present  state  of  the  country,  matters  are 
carried  by  demonstrations  of  power  and  numbers,  and  thus  the 
adherence  of  every  unit  tells  on  the  mass.  Evil  may  be 
averted  and  good  gained  by  the  pressure  of  numbers,  and  it 
becomes  our  bounden  duty  to  give  our  small  weight  and  let  oiir 
voice  swell  the  appeal. 

In  politics  it  is  more  possible  to  divide  the  right  than  ia 
religion.  Loyalty  is  a  duty,  but  there  have  been  two  ways  of 
reading  the  word.     It  may  be  either  faithfulness  to  the  State  or 


VIEWS    AND   OPINIONS.  221 

to  the  liiiig.  Cicero  and  Cato  were  loyal,  though  to  no  king, 
and  Caesar  was  the  rehel  because  he  transgressed  the  law  of 
the  commonwealth ;  and  in  such  a  country  as  ours  there  is 
scope  for  two  sets  of  opinions  as  to  the  expediency  of  throwing 
the  chief  weight  of  power  into  the  hands  of  the  upper  or  lower 
classes. 

A  thoughtful  woman,  accustomed  to  hear  of  the  affairs  of  the 
country,  cannot  help  having  opinions  and  wishes.  It  is  of  no 
use  to  say  she  need  have  nothing  to  do  with  them.  Individual 
measures  which  have  so  great  an  effect  on  the  condition  of 
those  around  her  must  affect  her,  and  happily  they  stand  and 
fall  much  more  on  their  own  merits  than  on  party  as  formerly 
— in  the  end,  that  is  to  say,  for  pressure  of  basiness  and 
waves  of  temper  often  postpone  them. 

•Sympathy  with  father  or  husband  usually  forms  the  woman's 
politics.  In  former  times  terrible  animosities  prevailed,  and 
even  now  a  general  election  rubs  up  many  sores.  A  lady's  part 
is  generally  simply  to  make  things  pleasant  for  those  concerned 
with  the  men  of  her  family,  and  to  act  in  a  quiet  way  as  their 
helper.  But  important  matters  may  often  turn  on  a  woman's 
readiness  and  intelligence,  and  it  is  the  duty  of  every  English- 
woman, who  can  do  it,  to  get  as  clear  an  understanding  as  she 
can  of  the  great  points  that  affect  the  glory  of  God  and  the 
good  of  her  neighbour,  and  when  she  knows  her  side,  to  serve 
it  in  the  quiet  ways  of  elucidation,  sympathy,  and  such  other 
forms  of  help  as  she  can  unobtrusively  give.  The  ready  ear 
and  warm  enthusiasm  of  an  appreciating  woman  will  make  a 
man  go  forth  nerved  for  his  battle,  and  a  right  understanding 
and  glow  of  feeling  for  his  cause  will  make  her  strive  beside 
him  to  the  utuiu;:>t. 


222  WOMAXEIND. 

CnAPTER  XXVI, 

MONEY-MAKING, 

This  is  an  odd  title,  but  everybody  does  want  to  make  money 
in  these  days.  Elder  people  can  recollect  when  it  would  have 
been  thought  actually  undignified  to  make  any  gain  by  any 
performance  of  a  lady,  and  when,  if  her  talent  were  too  strong 
not  to  seek  an  opening,  she  would  have  shrunk  from  and  put 
aside  any  payment  as  an  insult. 

There  was  foolish  punctilio  in  this,  and  it  led  to  perplexities 
and  awkward  positions ;  but  the  whole  tone  of  mind  was  a 
curious  contrast  to  the  present,  when  everybody  of  every  rank  is 
only  trying  what  is  the  market  value  of  their  accomplishments, 
and  all  the  compunction  displayed  in  the  sale  and  barter  of 
keepsakes  and  old  clothes  resides  in  the  warning — "No  cards." 

I  suppose  the  bazaar  system  first  led  to  the  change  of  tone, 
and  that  the  ease  of  communication  through  the  penny  post, 
with  the  opening  of  literature  to  almost  everyone,  have  all 
conduced  to  the  present  state  of  ieeling,  besides  the  multipli- 
cation of  good  purposes  and  of  needs. 

The  objects  vary,  from  those  of  the  women  who  seriously 
wish  for  a  profession  to  relieve  their  parents  from  their  main- 
tenance, through  those  who  wish  to  raise  money  for  a  good 
purpose,  down  to  those  who  only  "  think  it  would  be  nice  to 
have  something  of  their  own  to  spend" — nor  is  this  an 
un'W  orthy  motive,  if  the  spending  be  of  the  right  and  unselfish 
sort. 

Let  us  put  in  a  different  category  aU  those  who  have  a 
profession,  whether  teaching,  nursing,  or  any  other  by  which 
an  entire  livelihood  is  gained ;  and  speak  only  of  that  money- 
making  which  is  in  a  manner  supplementary,  whether  used  for 
personal  or  beneficent  objects. 

Two  principles   should   be   indelibly   impressed  on  amateur 


MONEY-MAKIXa.  223 

V70rker3,  a\id  these  are — never  to  sell  inferior  work,  and 
never  to  uuderseli  real  workers,  who  have  their  bread  to 
win. 

Unfortunately,  human  nature  does  not  recognise  its  own 
inferior  work,  any  more  than  the  Archbishop  of  Granada  did 
that  the  apoplexy  affected  his  sermons.  Whether  it  can  com- 
mand a  market  price  is  really  the  only  test.  All  that  comes 
under  the  denomination  of  bazaar  work,  even  when  disposed 
of  in  private,  but  which  good-natured  f)eople  buy  when  they 
had  rather  not,  at  some  exorbitant  price,  "to  encourage  the 
child,"  to  be  rid  of  her  importunity,  or  for  the  sake  of  the 
object,  is  all  a  sort   of  amiable  illusion,  and  another  form  of 

If  some  new  design  be  imported  or  invented,  and  people  seek 
after  it  for  its  own  sake,  and  are  willing  to  pay  for  it,  then  the 
gain  is  probably  real  and  legitimate  earning,  and  it  is  quite  fair 
to  take  full  advantage  of  it,  before  the  fancy  shops  find  it  out, 
copy  it  cheaply,  and  vulgarize  it. 

There  are  things  too  that  can  only  be  properly  done  by  loving 
hands  that  can  spend  much  taste  and  time  over  them.  Such 
are  Church  embroideries  and  single  illuminations.  These  cannot 
any  how  be  done  by  wholesale  or  supplied  to  order,  and  though 
Sisterhoods  supply  Church  needlework,  there  is  at  this  time  no 
fear  of  an  overstock  of  good  work.  For  real  goodness  is  a  sine 
qua  non,  goodness  not  only  in  the  design  and  fancy  part  of 
the  work,  but  in  the  plain  needlework  and  the  making-up,  the 
prose  of  the  matter.  A  chalice  veil  may  have  a  lovely  pattern 
of  embroidery,  but  just  not  in  the  middle,  and  the  hemming 
may  be  unworthy  of  Standard  I.  in  the  national  school ;  or 
a  cushion  may  be  in  a  bright  well-chosen  pattern  but  pulled  all 
to  one  side ;  or  an  illuminati  -i  may  be  rich  as  gold  and  blue 
and  crimson  can  make  it,  but  with  all  the  letters  crooked 
and  a  smudge  in  the  corner.  These  are  not  right  offerings, 
whether  to  give  or  to  sell.  Conscientious  completeness,  such  as 
would  be  required  by  an  ordinary  employer,  is  an  absolute  duty 
in  whatever  work  is  done  for  the  Church,  whether  to  be  given 


224  VrOMANKIND. 

or  sold  for  its  "benefit.  Slovenly  work  is  dishonesty,  and  if  you 
expect  to  sell  it  for  charity  it  is  double  dishonesty. 

Perhaps  we  had  better  look  first  at  the  whole  principle  of 
"  ofi'ering  to  the  Lord."  The  Sanctuary  in  the  wilderness  was 
made  of  the  precious  jewels  of  which  the  Israelite  men  and 
women  deprived  themselves.  David  would  not  olfer  what 
cost  him  nothing,  and  the  gifts  his  people  brought,  for  which  he 
gave  such  glorious  thanks,  were  the  wealth  of  a  people  who 
wore  their  treasures  in  jewels  and  gold.  Mary's  alabaster-box 
was  very  precious,  and  the  widow's  mite  was  half  her  living. 

No  trace  is  to  seen  here  of  its  being  good  to  become  an 
importunate  beggar  even  for  a  religious  work,  certainly  not  that 
it  is  well  to  do  trivial  amusing  work  and  sell  it,  instead  of 
making  some  personal  sacrilice.  Have  there  not  been  ladies  who 
would  tease  their  friends  for  shillings  or  half-crowns  on  a 
collecting  card,  at  the  same  time  that  they  were  ordering  a  dress 
costing  five  times  the  amount  the  card  professed  to  raise,  and 
when  asked  why  they  did  not  buy  a  less  expensive  garment 
instead  of  taking  the  card,  answering  "  Oh,  collecting  is  such 
fun  "  ? 

There  is  no  pretence  at  good  motives  in  such  a  saying  as  this, 
but  it  shows  the  uttermost  abuse  of  the  system.  Nor  have  I 
any  hesitation  in  condemning  the  cards  wholesale.  Mites  are 
not  mites  unless  they  are  half  our  living,  nor  do  I  believe  that 
a  sixpence,  or  even  a  succession  of  half-crowns,  given  avowedly 
because  they  are  no  sacrifice,  will  ever  bring  a  blessing  on  a 
work.  To  ask  for  subscriptions  from  those  who  have  some 
connection  with  the  place  where  the  work  is  to  be  done  is  fair 
and  right,  but  to  print  myriads  of  begging  circulars  and  send 
them  round  the  country  to  perfect  strangers  does  not  seem  to 
me  to  be  the  way  to  do  the  thing.  Would  it  not  be  better  to 
spend  the  cost  of  printing  and  postage  on  the  work  itself, 
and  wait  in  faith  and  something  worthy  of  the  name  of  self- 
denial  ? 

Is  there  any  ground  for  thinking  mendicancy  virtuous  ?  The 
Orders  of  Friars  who  began  it  had  absolutely  nothing,  but  had 


MONEY-MAKING.  225 

come  up  to  tlie  Apostolic  rule  of  holy  poverty,  therefore  they 
are  no  example  for  those  who  take  some  work  on  their  hands, 
and  go  about  begging  for  its  maintenance.  Some  give,  out  of 
their  abundance,  a  mere  unblest  trifle  to  be  rid  of  them  ;  other.'', 
hard  pressed  already  by  legitimate  calls,  have  to  pinch  one  of 
these  rather  than  deny  the  request.  The  example  of  doing  and 
giving  everything  is  far  more  likely  to  "provoke  to  good 
■works,"  and  bring  in  means  that  will  be  blessed,  than  this 
constant  asking. 

Of  bazaars  so  much  has  been  said  in  other  places  that  I  will 
only  sum  up  the  objections  in  short.  They  are  entirely  inad- 
missible for  Church  building.  What  is  given  for  the  honour  of 
God  should  bo  really  given  in  His  honour,  not  through  the 
medimu  of  the  purchase  of  tr'flcs,  or  still  worse,  through  the 
gambling  of  raffles.  If  you  say  you  must  have  your  Church, 
and  the  bazaar  is  the  only  way,  so  you  hope  it  is  not  wrong,  are 
you  not  forgetting  that  He  Who  made  the  fishcr-toy's  gift  feed 
the  multitude  can  enable  you  to  raise  what  He  needs  for  His 
house  if  you  trust  Him  entirely,  and  do  not  have  recourse  to 
doubtful  means  ? 

Some  bazaars  have  more  justification — convalescent  homes, 
orphanages,  and  the  like,  can  periodically  produce  an  amount 
of  needlework  and  fancy-work  which  with  arlditions  from  friends 
may  be  very  properly  sold  to  raise  the  funds.  To  this  there  is 
no  objection  at  all,  if  the  s  do  be  properly  conducted,  i.e.  in  a 
manner  that  would  make  it  entirely  unattractive  to  the  young 
lady  in  search  only  of  diversion  and  flirtation.  A  fair  price  and 
a  quiet  sale,  though  these  sound  dull  enough,  are  the  only  right 
way\5  of  doing  the  thing,  and  the  whole  affair  is  very  difiicult 
to  manage  satisfactorily. 

Of  private  sale  I  have  already  spoken.  If  you  can  make  a 
thing  worth  selling,  rcll  it  by  aU  means,  as  a  legitimate  way  of 
assisting  and  giving  time  and  talents,  but  avoid  fictitious  prices. 
A  drawing  that  can  be  sold  in  an  art  shop,  or  take  rank  in  an 
exhibition,  is  worth  its  price  ;  but  an  ill-drawn  monster  that 
can  only  be  sold  at  a  bazaar,  or  in  a  basket,  is  mere  trumpery, 

Q 


226  WOMANKIND. 

Altogether  there  are  many  who  would  do  much  more  for 
their  cause  by  money-saving  than  by  money-gcttiug — by  rigid 
economy  in  dress,  rather  than  by  poor  porf(jimances  sold  at 
fancy  prices.  If  they  remember  the  penny  saved  is  a  penny 
gained,  and  use  their  OAvn  needles  for  what  they  Avould  otlierwise 
pay  for,  giving  the  price  to  the  good  work,  tliere  would  be  mnie 
reality  and  self-denial  than  in  buying  expensive  materials  foi 
fancy-work  anH  giving  the  proceeds.  Still,  as  before,  tliose  who 
can  do  anything  really  good — lace-makers,  embroiderers,  fancy 
knitters — or  who  can  ride  in  on  the  crest  of  a  wave  of  new 
fashion,  are  welcome  to  do  so.  Only  the  great  thing  to  bear 
in  mind  is  that  money  is  not  ever j tiling,  and  that  God's 
blessing  is. 

When  Zcrubbabel's  poor  little  temple  was  being  built,  God 
said,  "  The  silver  is  ]\Iinc,  and  the  gold  is  Mine."  Dut  what 
did  He  say  when  Herod's  temple  was  being  '*  restored  "  in  sur- 
passing beauty,  and  the  rich  were  casting  in  out  of  their  abun- 
dance? It  seems  to  me  that  money  to  be  spent  in  ornament, 
squeezed  by  all  sorts  of  importunities  out  of  careless  uninterested 
givers,  who  do  not  so  much  as  breathe  a  prayer  for  its  success, 
is  not  worth  the  picking  up. 

The  ways  in  which  young  ladies  most  often  endeavour  to 
obtain  money  are  iUustrations  and  literature.  Their  drawing 
needs  to  be  of  a  very  superior  order  to  be  of  any  use  for  the 
first.  It  is  a  great  pity  that  they  do  not  really  study  drawing 
more — real,  good,  artistic  drawing — before  they  attempt  it. 
Hundreds  of  girls  can  do  figures  with  a  pretty  expression  and  a 
good  deal  of  feeling,  which  look  in  the  pencil  or  pen-and-ink 
of  the  first  sketch  as  charming  as  they  can  desire ;  but  when 
subjected  to  any  process  for  repeating  them,  come  out  with  none 
of  the  air  of  the  original,  only  with  its  big  head,  impossible 
legs,  and  dolly  fingers.  Why  ?  Because  the  designer  has  never 
really  learnt  to  draw,  or  her  eye  would  never  have  endured  the 
disproportion  which  is  the  ruin  of  her  sketch.  In  general, 
therefore,  ladies'  attempts  at  illustration  are  received  with  dis- 
trust by  publishers,  and  the  work  falls  to  people  who  do  not 


MONEY  MAKING,  227 

eeem  to  read  the  tales  ttey  are  employed  upon,  or  else  whose 
sole  idea  is  to  represent  a  man  and  woman  hand  in  hand,  in  the 
very  acme  of  the  last  fashion.  If  ladies  would  learn  thoroughly 
to  draw  before  they  attempt  to  design,  they  would  he  really 
valuable,  bringing  their  refined  and  devotional  feeling  to  bear  ; 
and  they  would  also  be  valuable  to  struggling  magazines, 
breaking  down  from  the  iinpo.^sibility  of  getting  good  "  pictures," 
or  of  getting  on  without  them.  But  how  often  does  the  old 
proverb  need  repeating — "  Nothing  is  worth  doing  at  all  that  is 
rot  worth  doing  well." 

Lastly,  the  gains  of  writing  come  into  account.  These 
generally  do  depend  on  their  own  merits.  A  very  brilliant 
name  may  give  a  lift  for  once,  and  of  course  there  may  be  a 
work  sold  favourably  at  a  fancy  price  "  for"  some  special  pur- 
pose, which  is  only  the  bazaar  in  another  form.  But  magazines 
an<l  publishers  ultimately  pay  according  to  merit,  and  the 
difficulty  is,  or  seems  to  be,  the  opening. 

Girls  hear  of  (generally  in  stories)  a  hundred  pounds  paid  on 
the  spot  for  a  MS.  ;  they  wri*^e  something,  send  it  off,  and  are 
wofully  disappointed  when,  if  it  be  not  declined  with  thanks 
on  the  spot,  it  is  kept  for  monthtj  or  years,  and  only  brings 
in  its  small  profit  when  the  special  original  Jieed  is  almost 
forgotten. 

But  is  this  the  way  to  think  of  writing  1  Surely  if  for  every 
idle  word  we  speak  we  shall  have  to  give  account,  it  must  be 
more  serious  still  to  write  what  will  go  forth  to  hundreds. 
Have  we  any  right  to  write  what  people  are  to  read,  and  which 
wil',  in  a  measure,  leave  a  maik  on  their  minds,  merely  for  our 
own  pleasure  or  gain,  without  paius  or  consideration  whether 
we  do  good  or  mischief  1 

Of  course,  if  a  story  is  to  be  natural  and  amusing,  it  must 
have  a  good  deal  in  it  not  directly  didactic;  but  there 
are  certain  rules  that  each  person  ought  to  ir.ake,  namely,  to 
consider  whether  what  is  written  is  likely  to  do  harm,  or 
leave  a  bad  impression,  e.g.  it  is  not  right  to  speak  lightly  of 
authorities,    or    treat   governesses  as   natural  enemies,  to  add 

(J  2 


228  WOMANKIND. 

terrors  to  or]i1ianhood  by  representing  unjust  aunts,  to  connect 
ridiculous  ideas  with  sacrtd  subjects,  or  to  excuse  anything 
dii>honoural)le. 

Something  of  wit  and  pathos  may  have  to  be  sacrificed,  but 
better  so  by  far  than  leave  a  mischievous  impression.  And  be 
quite  sure  that  you  have  something  to  say,  teach,  or  tell  before 
you  write  it,  and  then  write  your  very  best;  and  take  real  pains 
with  your  English,  avoiding  slip.shod  phrases,  not  for  fear  of 
being  laughed  at,  but  because  it  is  nob  right  not  to  do  your  best ; 
atid  bad  grammar  is  quite  as  injurious  to  your  writing  as  bad 
drawing  to  your  sketch.  iSTo  one  has  a  right  to  wiite  who  has 
not  studied  a  good  English  grammar,  and  read  really  good 
authors  enough  to  have  learnt  to  avoid  the  di^^graceful  blunders 
that  meet  us  in  half  the  children's  bojks  and  many  of  the 
novels  we  take  up. 

Observe,  wanting  money  is  not  a  sufficient  reason  for  writing. 
It  may  be  a  full  reason  for  snlling  a  yard  of  lace,  but  not  for 
selling  a  sheet  of  word^,  which  are  living  things,  and  have  an 
effect.  If  they  are  poor,  weak,  silly,  ill-expressed  sayings  on 
some  sacred  subject,  sentimental  ra;itures,  or  unreal,  unnatural 
stories,  they  do  harm,  by  weakening  the  cause,  and  helping  to 
make  it  despicable  in  the  eyes  of  the  enemy.  And,  alas  !  in 
literature  necessity  is  not  the  mother  of  invention,  and  very  few 
can  write  worthily  who  only  write,  or  at  least  have  begun 
writing,  from  desire  of  tlie  payment. 

No  one  can  tell  whether  a  talent  be  an  available  one  without 
the  impartial  public  judgment,  marked  by  success  or  failure — 
can  tell  at  leas*^.  while  the  newly-hatched  bantling  is  still  dear; 
though  in  after  years  the  causes  of  failure  become  laughably 
evident.  But  if  there  be  success,  and  the  ear  of  the  public  be 
gained,  the  responsibility  is  increased,  and  the  rule  of  only 
writing  as  a  Christian,  with  the  glory  of  God  in  view,  needs  to 
be  kept  in  mind,  among  the  temptations  to  win  a  wider  circle 
of  readers  by  keeping  principle  out  of  sig'it. 

Authorship  must  never  be  viewed  as  a  mere  trade  for  gaining 
money,  apart  from  the  duty  of  ket^ping  the  works  themselves 


MONEY-MAKINQ.  229 

up  to  a  high,  pure  standard  that  may  benefit,  not  degrade  the 
veudexs. 

I  say  all  this  because  dabbling  in  authorship  is  so  universal 
an  experiment  in  these  days,  and  one  that  often  meets  with  a 
certain  amount  of  success,  which  in  the  lon^  run  depends  on 
power  and  ability;  for  if  an  author  cannot  write  in  a  styla 
to  command  popularity,  no  advantages  of  connecLion  or  intro- 
duction will  avail  after  the  very  first.  People  will  only  read 
and  buy  what  ttiey  like. 

It  is  unfortunately  more  difficult  to  make  an  immediate  profit 
of  what  costs  more  pains  and  labour.  A  translation  is  seldom 
acceptable  either  to  a  publi-her  or  a  magazine,  and  here  let  nie 
hint  that  every  one  thinks  nothing  so  ea-;y  as  to  translate, 
whereas  nothing  is  really  so  difficult.  People  who  can  write 
original  sen'ences  quite  fairly,  entirely  fail  to  see  when  they  are 
importing  a  foreign  idiom  bodily,  or  failing  to  render  a  word. 
They  will  call  the  French  navy  theii'arine,  and  make  a  Cciinan 
hero  childish  when  he  was  only  childlike.  A  real  comprehen- 
sion of  the  niceties  of  each  tongue  is  required,  and  in  general 
each  phrase  requii-es  not  to  be  translated  Avorl  for  word,  but  to 
be  tlumglit  out  and  reconstructed  in  English.  To  translate  is  most 
exctllent  training  for  one.- elf,  and  an  employment  very  advisable 
for  tho^e  under  any  pressure  which  makes  easy  occupation  of 
the  mind  desirable ;  but  it  is  not  often  that  it  will  bring  in 
much  remuneration,  or  indeed  any,  save  under  exceptional 
circumstances.  But  why  must  everything  be  done  for  gain 
instead  of  for  culture? 

Studies  of  history,  bits  of  biogrnphy,  and  the  like,  are  most 
useful  to  the  worker.  Indeed,  I  do  not  believe  that  much  good 
original  work  can  be  done  without  such  studies  to  fertilise  the 
mind,  but  they  need  to  be  very  well  and  thoroughly  done.  A 
life  of  Mme.  de  Sevigne  must  not  content  itself  with  saving 
that  M.  de  Grignan  "  held  some  office  "  in  Provence ;  and  many 
a  detail  that  never  appears  must  be  mastered,  or  there  will  be 
Bome  absurd  and  impossible  statement.  Except  as  magazine 
"padding,"  however,  these   papers   require  to  be  by  a  person 


230  WOMANKIND, 

of  made  fame,  or  to  "be  very  brilliant  indeed  to  lie  very 
gainful. 

Others  write  for  some  direct  need  in  their  parish  or  teaching. 
They  find  nothing  to  serve  their  turn  with  their  own  special 
pupils,  and  wri'e  to  and  foi  them.  This  generally  goes  to  the 
point,  and  is  really  valuable. 

"~  But  the  upshot  of  it  all  is,  that  brain-work  refuses  to  be 
properly  done,  if  the  paymett  be  originally  the  inciting  cause. 
It  may  become  a  profession  and  a  knack,  but  the  need  of  ex- 
pression must  in  some  Avay  have  been  the  original  cause  ol 
putting  pen  to  paper,  if  the  production  is  to  succeed. 

And  when  we  regrf't  that  the  poor  will  do  nothing  for  us 
without  expecting  a  sixpence,  are  we  not  growing  rather  like 
tliera,  when  we  are  so  very  eager  for  gain  that  we  cannut 
exercise  our  talents,  or  cultivate  our  powers,  without  a  view  to 
it,  even  for  a  good  object  ] 

Money  is  tempting,  and  feenis  like  the  whole  means  of  doing 
everj'thing,  but  onfsef/  is  a  greater  thing.  Our  means  go  with 
ourselves  as  part  of  the  work,  but  it  seems  to  me  that  there  is 
1ar  too  much  desire  abroad  to  collect  from  all  quaiters,  in^^tead 
of  doing  the  wcrk  to  the  utmost  of  our  own  powers — praying 
and  trusting  to  God  to  bring  the  help,  if  it  be  His  will.  I  do 
not  mean  that  we  should  never  ask,  but  1  do  not  think  it  a 
duty  ;  and  when  we  are  told  that  it  is  a  wholesome  abasement 
of  pride,  I  cannot  see  any  Scripture  example  of  it.  And  I  am 
f-till  farther  from  saving  that  we  should  not  use  our  industry  or 
talent  to  earn  what  may  be  needed  either  for  religious  and 
charitable  purposes  or  to  supply  family  iierds,  but  1  want  such 
gains  to  be  sought,  not  in  a  light  easy  petty  way  by  inferior, 
poorly-finished  work  at  fancy  prices,  but  by  true,  honest,  con- 
scientious labour,  neither  cheating  others  nor  ourselves,  and  that 
where  that  labour  is  literary,  we  should  remember  that  it  is 
not  simply  a  matter  of  so  much  writing  for  so  many  pounds, 
but  that  we  are  seriously  accountable  for  the  effects  of  the 
words  and  ideas  we  send  out  into  ihe  world. 

We  may  be  told  that  our  novel  m  ill  not  succeed  unless  there 


STRONG-MINDED   WOMEN.  231 

is  more  sensational  writing  in  it,  and  it  follows  the  taste  of  the 
day.  But  may  not  there  be  some  who  will  rise  up  in  the  judg- 
ment and  condemn  those  who  have  palliated  sin  and  made  it 
seductive,  even  like  Paolo  and  Francesca,  when  they  spoke  of 
the  romance  of  Lancilotto  ? 

And  as  a  great  consolation  for  those  who  feel  the  terrible 
heart-thrill  to  have  no  power  of  giving,  I  would  say  that  one's 
heart,  one's  prayers,  one's  personal  labour  are  far  more  than  any 
material  gift ;  nay,  that  there  are  many  cases  when  the  know- 
ledge that  gifts  come  from  an  abundant  store  only  leads  to  that 
careless  daintiness  which  is  apt  to  be  resented  as  ingratitude  in 
the  poor,  whereas  they  really  and  justly  esteem  that  which 
is  afforded  to  them  by  the  ellbrts  of  oue  little  better  oil  than 
themselves. 


CHAPTER  XXVn. 

STRONG-MINDED    WOMEN'. 


"  Dors  she  go  in  for  being  strong-minded  ?  Pray  don't  he  a 
strong-minded  woman."  M'hat  do  we  mean  by  these  expressions  1 
Generally,  it  may  be  feared  that  a  strong-minded  woman  is  a 
term  for  one  who  is  either  ungentle,  or  unwilling  to  be  bound 
by  the  restrictions  of  her  sex.  It  is  a  piece  of  modern  slang, 
and  it  is  unfortunate  in  its  effect  in  two  ways ;  first  as  disturb- 
ing respect  for  true  feminine  strength  of  mind,  and  secondly  as 
being  a  compliment  to  those  who  "  go  in "  for  bravado  of 
mind,  not  strength  of  mind. 

The  real  article,  if  we  may  so  call  it,  is  essentially  feminine. 
Every  woman  ought  to  be  strong-minded  enough  not  to  flinch 
from  her  imr^ediate  duty,  whether  it  be  to  rule  a  family,  to 
rebuke  a  dependant,  to  assist  at  a  painful  operation,  to  announce 
heart-breaking  tidings,  even  to  penetrate  into  scenes  of  sin  and 
coarseness,  if  she  have  a  call  to  seek  and  save  some  one  there, 


233  VOMAXKIXD. 

nay,  to  refuse  to  transgress  the  commands  of  conscience  under  the 
compulsion  of  love  or  fear,  and  to  utter  her  testimony  in  season, 
without  fear  of  man.  "U'ithout  a  strong  mind,  a  woman  is 
nothing  better  than  an  intelligent  hit  of  drift  weed,  driven 
hither  and  thither  hy  force  of  circumstances,  and  totally  depen- 
dent on  her  surroundings. 

She  will  worry  her  husband,  be  over-crowed  by  her  children 
and  dependants;  or  if  sin;^Ie,  she  will  hang  prone  upon  some 
friend  and  probably  end  by  becoming  a  prey  to  her  servants. 
Instead  of  raising  the  tone  of  those  about  her,  she  will  sink  to 
whatever  is  the  level  around  her,  and  will  continually  realize  tho 
comparison  of  the  broken  reed  to  any  one  who  leans  on  her. 

Happily  there  are  many  whose  love  gives  them  strong  hearts 
to  bear  and  to  do,  and  who,  though  frivolous  in  ordinary  times, 
seem  to  cbange  their  whole  nature  in  the  time  of  distress  or 
danger.  The  modem  idea  of  strength  of  mind,  however,  includes 
something  intellectual  as  well  as  something  resolute. 

The  ideal  strong-minded  woman — for,  like  other  ideals,  she  has 
probably  never  been  found  with  all  points  of  perfection  at  once — 
is  supposed  to  have  an  aptitude  for  all  kinds  of  severe  studies, 
and  to  insist  on  pursuing  them  on  equal  terms  with  men.  She 
will  go  anywhere  and  do  anything  with  perfect  coolness,  trust- 
ing to  an  invisible  armour  of  proof  to  protect  her.  She  will 
also  say  anything  to  anybody,  and  never  spare  her  censure  or 
interference  for  the  trifling  consideration  that  it  is  no  business  of 
hers.  Her  chief  dread  is  of  prejudice,  and  of  ancient  conclu- 
sions, and  she  therefore  thinks  it  weak  not  to  read  all  kinds  of 
books,  especially  the  sceptical  and  the  sensational,  and  the  line 
she  admires  most  in  Tennyson  is  that  in  praise  of  "honest 
doubt,"  The  popular  idea  of  her  appearance  is  that  she  is  tall, 
grim,  gaunt,  and  harshly  strange  in  attire,  but  she  is  much  more 
apt  to  be  in  the  height  of  the  fashion,  and  young  and  pretty, 
though  sometimes  she  tries  dress'ng  artistically  andindividuall}', 
and  thus  manages  to  be  most  conspicuous  and  generally  most 
expensive. 

To  men  these  strong-minded  women,  or  those  approaching  to 


STRONG-MINDED    WOMEN.  233 

them,  are  a  laTigbing-stock  and  a  terror.  "When  the  strong- 
minded  woman  has  the  graces  of  freshness  and  beauty,  they  are 
led  away  by  her,  vote  her  "  capital  fun,"  and  try  how  far  she 
will  go,  but  they  do  not  respect  her,  they  only  see  in  her  a  bad 
imitation  of  themselves,  and  make  game  of  her  little  affectations. 
When  she  has  no  beauty  or  charm,  her  pretensions  make  her 
merely  obnoxious  to  them,  and  deprive  her  of  that  tender  halo 
of  sweet  kindness  and  sympathy  that  attracts  friendship  and 
esteem. 

But  to  please  men  we  are  told  is  one  of  the  most  unworthy 
motives  imaginable  to  hold  up  to  woman. 

So  in  a  degree  it  is,  but  approbation  is  a  standard  by  which 
to  judge.  That  which  a  man  would  not  tolerate  in  his  sister  or 
daughter  is  not  becoming,  and  is  uusexing. 

Dut  this  is  what  the  stion^  minded  woman  wants.  X.B. — 
She  does  not  want  to  cease  to  be  a  Avomau,  but  she  wants  to 
make  out  that  the  woman  is  physically  as  well  as  mentally  the 
superior  creature,  and  that  she  should  there fure  be  on  an  equality 
and  perhaps  take  the  lead. 

To  argue  the  case  as  to  the  physical  conformation  is  impossible, 
but  I  would  just  observe  that  one  fact  which  seems  to  me  to 
overthrow  this  theory  entirely  is  that  though  courtesy,  line 
clothes,  and  clearness  of  skin  may  perhaps  give  the  woman  the 
advantage  in  early  youth,  she  is  beginning  to  lose  it  when  the 
man  has  only  just  attained  his  prime.  The  man  improves  as  he 
grows  older,  provided  he  leads  a  good  and  healthy  life;  the 
woman's  bloom  ia  a  much  more  fleeting  thing. 

And  mentally,  where  has  the  woman  ever  been  found  who 
produced  any  great  and  permanent  work  1  "What  woman  has 
written  an  oratorio,  or  an  epic,  or  built  a  cathedral  1  It  is  not 
lack  of  education.  Women  have  at  times  been  highly  educated, 
many  great  men  have  been  self-taught.  The  difference  can  only 
be  in  the  mental  texture. 

And  here  comes  in  that  which  is  said  with,  some  speciousness  ; 
namely,  that  women  are  capable  of  greater  spirituality  than  men. 
It  is  a  fine  eminence  that  women  claim,  and  men  are  ready  to 


234  WOMANKIND. 

grant  tliera  in  a  sonii-contemptuous,  yet  Lalf-sentimcntal  save- 
trouble  way,  which  views  the  spiritual  virtues  as  essentially 
feminine. 

Shame  on  those  who  have  lowered  the  idea  of  religion  by 
such  teaching.  Nay,  they  have  even  so  read  the  Gospels  as  to 
fancy  that  the  holiness  of  Ilim  Who  was  Perfect  God  as  well 
as  Perfect  Man,  was  of  feminine  type.  They  do  not  see  the 
might  of  Him  Who  stood  alone,  sometimes  confronting,  some- 
times leading  a  whole  populace,  winning  them  so  that  they  were 
ready  to  take  Him  by  force  and  make  Him  a  King,  and  then 
stopping  their  manifestation  at  its  height  and  sending  them 
away,  just  when  an  ordinary  leader  Avould  have  been  coerced  by 
their  enthusiasm.  They  do  not  see  the  courage  that  twice  cleared 
the  temple  of  the  profane,  in  the  teeth  of  all  the  authorities, 
that  defied  and  denounced  the  Scribes  and  Pharisees  on  their 
own  ground,  and  that  went  steadfastly  on  with  Face  set  as  a  flint 
to  the  end  foreseen  from  the  beginning.  The  intense  calmness 
and  absence  of  all  violence  have  perhaps  been  some  excuse  for 
those  who  have  missed  the  impression  of  undaunted,  unflinching 
resolution,  and  stern  indignation  against  evil ;  but  it  is  a  miserable 
error,  a  sin  in  itself  because  it  is  derogatory  to  the  honour  of 
the  Lord  Who  bought  us,  and  false  when  it  alienates  from  His 
example  as  if  not  meant  for  men  as  much  as  for  women. 

Struggle  hotly  and  resolutely  against  the  notion,  half  mawkish, 
half  flattering,  that  men  are  not  meant  to  be  as  good  as  women, 
either  religiously,  morally,  or  in  the  way  of  self-sacrifice.  Both 
are  meant  to  aim  at  perfection,  and  to  help  one  another  to 
attain  it,  and  the  man,  if  he  chooses  and  seeks  for  grace,  wiU 
attain  the  higher,  nobler  type.  Woman  will  not  do  her  part  by 
him  unless  she  really  believes  this  and  does  her  utmost  to  help 
him  to  make  the  most  of  himself,  not  accepting  his  shortcomings 
as  masculine  weakness  which  give  occasion  to  show  her  strength 
and  superiority. 

But  we  are  told  that  if  we  acknowledge  our  inferiority,  and 
make  no  struggle  for  our  rights,  we  induce  men  to  despise  us,  and 
thus  assist  in  the  weight  of  oppression  under  which  women  groan. 


STPvONG-MINDED    WOMEN.  235 

Let  us  see  what  this  oppression  amounts  to.  An  unmarried 
woman  is  only  oppressed,  I  suppose,  by  not  having  the 
franchise,  and  on  the  whole,  I  doubt  if  the  lack  weighs  as 
heavily  on  her  as  the  responsibility  of  a  vote  would  do. 
In  all  other  matters  her  sense  of  propriety  is  really  her  only 
restraint. 

It  is  the  wife  who  is  the  injured  creature.  She  vows  to 
obey  ;  her  property,  unless  put  under  special  restrictions,  is  her 
husband's,  he  can  oblige  her  to  live  with  him  unless  he  can 
show  strong  cause  to  the  contrary,  and  in  case  of  separation, 
the  children  after  seven  years  old  are  given  to  him  unless  he 
have  done  something  of  which  the  law  can  take  cognizance. 
To  him  also  belongs  the  right  of  appointing  their  guardians, 

ISTo  doubt  here  and  there  the  law  presses  hardly  on  individuals. 
No  law  can  be  framed  so  that  some  one  will  not  suffer  under  it ; 
and  till  recently  there  were  reasons  of  complaint,  when  a 
worthless  man  could  absorb  his  wife's  earnings.  Now,  however, 
she  can  secure  them  from  him,  and  it  is  her  own  fault  if  she  do 
not.  No  law  can  make  a  woman  strong  against  the  man  she 
loves.  And  thus  the  marriage  settlements  which  put  a  woman's 
capital  entirely  out  of  her  own  reach  or  her  husband's  are  prob- 
ably much  better  for  families  than  if  she  retained  full  command 
over  her  share.  Hundreds  of  families  have  thus  been  saved 
from  utter  ruin  where  a  loving  wife  woiild  have  given  and  lost 
all  that  she  had. 

In  the  charge  of  children  in  case  of  a  separation,  the  utmost 
is  generally  done  to  come  to  a  just  decision  as  to  which  parent 
is  the  safest  for  them  to  be  intrusted  with.  When  the  decision 
is  committed  to  the  law  the  grievance-making  books  assume 
that  it  is  the  father  who  is  always  in  the  wrong  and  who  makes 
his  wife's  life  intolerable,  and  then  that  she  ha^;  to  part  Avith  her 
little  ones  at  seven  years  old  to  undergo  his  bad  example.  But 
there  really  are  women  whose  violent  tempers  and  other  evil 
ways  have  made  life  unbearable  to  the  husband,  who  remains 
looking  and  longing  for  the  time  when  he  may  resume  his 
children. 


236  WOMANKIND. 

As  to  the  father's  prior  power  of  appoint'*ng  gnardinns,  this 
has  sometimes  been  spoken  of  as  a  grievance,  enabling  him  to 
indulge  spite  or  prejudice  against  the  mother,  but  this  must  be 
so  exceptional  a  case  that  provision  need  hardly  be  made  for  it, 
and  it  is  surely  reasonable  to  suppose  that  most  men  would 
liave  a  wish  for  their  children's  welfare,  and  be  able  to  judge 
Avhat  was  best  for  them  when  their  own  selfishness  no  longer 
clashed  with  the  children's  interests. 

As  to  the  wives  who  are  beaten,  no  law  of  equality  would 
make  much  difference  to  Ihcm.  The  way  to  prevent  their 
miseries  would  be,  if  possible,  to  raise  the  notions  of  the  servant 
and  factory-classes  about  marriage,  and  prevent  their  drifting 
into  it  in  the  reckless  godless  way  which  may  well  prevent  them 
from  being  i  espected. 

In  truth  our  position  entirely  depends  on  what  we  are  in 
ourselves,  not  what  we  claim. 
f    ^As  to  paths  in  life  and  education,  womanhood  is  no  obstacle 
to  our  being  as  highly  educated  as  our  brains  will  allow. 

That  this  should  be  done  in  close  jttxta2)osiiion  withanumbei 
of  male  pupils  does  not,  however,  seem  desirable,  because  there 
is  a  tendency  in  large  masses  to  rub  off  the  tender  home-bloom 
of  maidenliness,  which  is  a  more  precious  thing  than  any 
proficiency  in  knowledge. 

So  too  with  medical  education  for  women,  for  which  so  hard 
a  struggle  has  been  made.  An  exceptional  woman  here  and 
there  may  be  so  absorbed  in  science,  so  devoted  to  humanity, 
as  not  to  be  hurt  by  it,  but  promiscuous  teaching  could  not  be 
possible  to  the  majority,  without  harm  to  both  parties.  Nor 
have  I  much  faith  in  the  effect  of  creating  a  race  of  lady- 
doctors.  ISTurses  medically  instructed  would  be  most  valuable, 
and  do  much  that  now  falls  to  the  hands  of  the  doctor,  but  in  a 
really  very  serious  case  I  doubt  the  capability  of  most  women 
to  endure  the  responsibility,  especially  where  it  is  a  matter  of 
resolute  abstinence  from  action.  Nurses  do  indeed  often  show 
nerve  and  decision,  but  then  they  have  the  doctor  to  fall  back 
upon,  and  are  within  prescribed  limit* 


8TB0NG  MIXDED    WOMEN'.  23? 

Tlie  watching  of  a  nursery  of  ailinj;  children,  or  the  daily 
visit  to  ail  invalid  old  lady,  might  be  as  usefully  done  by  a  well- 
instructed  lady  doctor  as  by  the  pet  apothecary — but  would  the 
old  laily  think  so  1 

No,  except  for  certain  kinds  of  practice,  and  for  superior 
nursing,  it  does  not  seem  as  if  enough  would  be  gained  to  make 
it  desirable  to  outrage  feminine  instincts,  ay,  and  those  of  men, 
by  the  fuU  course  of  scientific  training. 

A  person  engaged  in  hospital  nursing  has  told  us  that  the 
hardening  effect  of  witnessing  constant  suffering  can  hardly  be 
counteracted  without  special  religious  discipline  and  training  ; 
and  how  much  greater  must  be  the  danger  of  mischief  to  mind 
and  soul  alike  in  the  technical  display  of  the  wonderful  secrets 
of  the  temple  of  the  human  body  without  any  special  safeguard. 
We  know  that  medical  students  often  do  not  come  out  unscathed 
from  the  ordeal,  and  can  it  be  well  to  let  women  be  exposed 
toiti 

Such  scientific  instruction  as  can  be  had  from  books  or  special 
lectures  would  of  course  raise  tlie  character  of  nursing,  and  I 
believe  there  are  ladies  trained  to  watch  some  special  class  of 
illness  requiring  minute  and  skilled  attention,  who  are  sent  to 
take  charge  of  patients  in  the  country. 

This,  and  hospital  nursing,  or  the  charge  of  workhouse 
infirmaries,  are  real  professions,  as  well  as  outlets  for  zeal  and 
beneficence. 

To  become  an  upper  nurse  would  often  be  an  excellent  plan 
for  a  lady  no  longer  young,  who  has  perhaps  brought  up  her 
own  brothers  and  sisters,  or  nephews  and  nieces,  or  has  launched 
her  children  into  the  world.  Servants  are  so  scarce  that  she 
would  be  taking  no  one's  place,  and  would  be  much  happier 
and  more  valuable  than  moping  and  half  starving  in  a  wretched 
little  lodging. 

And  for  the  younger  who  need  support,  it  would  be  well, 
if  they  have  no  special  talent,  to  try  to  learn  to  be  telegraph 
clerks,  or  even  dress-maJdng,  or  whatever  is  possible  in  their 
Btation. 


*»1>-i»-! 


238  WOMANKIND. 

"  The  Year  33ook  of  Woman's  Work "  will  point  to  tho 
means  of  getting  instruction  and  employment,  and  there  is 
much  less  every  year  of  the  fear  of  losing  caste  by  absolute 
labour. 

Teaching,  of  course,  stands  higher,  but  nobody  ought  to 
teach  who  has  not  the  power  of  learning  or  teaching.  If 
governessing  is  to  be  a  profesision  worth  having,  a  certificate 
ought  to  be  worked  for  and  gained.  It  will  open  a  sure 
command  of  situations  either  in  schools  or  families,  and  if 
greater  freedom  be  preferred,  a  course  in  a  diocesan  college  for 
schoolmistresses  will  give  the  completts  training  required.  The 
Otter  College  at  Chichester,  especially  fir  ladies,  may  enable 
many  to  have  happy  village  homes,  in  which  perhaps  to  receive 
a  widowed  mother,  while  raising  the  tone  of  the  children. 

To  these  professions  may  be  added  those  which  require  a 
special  talent  and  training — music,  art,  and  literature. 

If  a  woman  have  musical  gifts  of  a  high  order,  it  is  plain 
that  they  are  meant  for  the  glory  of  God  and  the  joy  of 
mankind.  She  is  bound  to  use  them  to  the  best  advantage  in 
these  ways,  not  to  win  admiration,  but  to  devote  them,  with 
God  before  all,  or  they  become  a  snare. 

Even  choir  practice  and  singing  of  hymns  is  often  a  snare, 
both  in  irreverence,  conceit  and  levity  of  demeanour.  Amateur 
and  village  concerts  are  in  like  manner  great  del'ghts,  and  often 
innocent  ones,  but  needing  great  circumspection  and  instinctive 
modesty  on  the  lady  performers'  part  to  keep  all  as  it  should 
be ;  and  when  the  talent  needs  to  be  used  as  a  means  of 
support,  the  same  quiet  soberness  and  refinement  must  be  the 
preservative,  as  in  fact  they  are  with  many  a  professional  singer 
and  music-mifetress.  In  fact,  all  depends  not  on  what  we  do,  but 
what  we  are. 

Of  art  and  literature  I  spoke  in  a  former  chapter.  Keither 
become  professions  without  a  good  deal  of  experience  and  ex- 
cellence; indeed,  except  in  the  case  of  editors  of  jouriiali=, 
literature  is  generally  only  an  addition  implanted  on  some 
other  means  of  livelihood. 


STRONG-MINDED    WOMEN.  239 

The  strong-minded  literary  woman  generally  writes  up  woman's 
perfections  and  superiority.  Iler  world  is  a  sort  of  bee-hive, 
all  the  males  drones  and  the  single  sisters  doing  all  the  work. 
She  speaks  on  platforms,  gives  lectures,  and  endeavours  to  per. 
suade  us  of  the  wrongs  we  have  sulTered  since  man  had  the 
upper  hand  through  brute  force. 

It  is  not  of  much  use  to  fight  the  battle  and  contradict  her. 
If  she  does  accept  the  original  account  of  the  matter,  she  will 
only  tell  us  that  it  was  becauso  Eve  was  more  intellectual  than 
Adam  that  she  wanted  to  be  "  as  gods  knowing  good  and  evil." 
Alas,  in  this  at  least  she  resembles  Eve,  and  let  us  remember 
who  it  was  that  whispered  to  our  first  mother,  and  "stand  fast 
in  the  liberty  wherein  Christ  has  made  us  free." 

We  have  liberty  to  say  or  do  anything  that  it  is  right  or 
reasonable  to  say.  If  we  do  understand  a  matter,  we  are 
listened  to  on  our  own  merits  as  much  as  men  are.  As 
Christian  women  of  education,  each  one  of  us  can  take  exactly 
the  place  she  deserves,  so  long  as  by  a  foolish  struggle  for  we 
know  not  what,  we  do  not  bring  opposition  and  ridicule  on 
ourselves. 

To  a  certain  degree  the  world  will  always  be  somewhat  cruel 
to  distinguished  women.  They  are  flattered  up,  told  it  is  an 
honour  to  see  them,  their  autographs  and  photographs  are 
sought  after,  and  they  are  complimented,  and  then  the  moment 
thfy  are  persuaded  to  believe  themselves  something  remarkable, 
and  comport  themselves  accordingly,  they  become  a  laughing- 
stock. Women  are  as  guilty  in  this  way  as  men,  and  it  is  really 
an  additional  reason  for  keeping  in  the  back  ground,  though 
after  all,  the  discomfort  and  danger  must  have  been  much 
greater  when  fewer  women  wrote,  open  compliments  were  the 
fashion,  and  there  were  not  such  hosts  of  reviews  to  give  a 
judgment,  not  in  all  cases  fair  or  unbiased,  but  enough  so  to 
give  a  fair  estimate  of  success. 

Is'^othing  but  that  really  strong  mind,  which  is  in  fact  either 
true  humility  or  freedom  from  self-consciousness,  can  bear  a 
woman  through  these  dangers  of  vanity. 


240  WOMANKIND. 

Be  strong-minded,  then.  With  all  my  might  I  say  it.  Be 
slrong-minded  enough  to  stand  up  for  the  rigiit,  to  bear  pain 
and  danger  in  a  good  cause,  to  aid  others  in  time  of  suffering, 
to  venture  on  what  is  called  mean  or  degrading,  to  withstand  a 
foolish  f})shion,  to  use  your  own  judgment,  to  weigh  the  value 
of  compliments.  In  all  these  things  be  strong.  Be  the  valiant 
Avoman,  but  do  not  be  strong-minded  in  a  bad  sense  in  discard- 
ing all  the  graces  of  humility,  meekness,  and  submission, 
which  are  the  true  strength  and  beauty  of  womanhood. 


CHAPTER  xxvirr. 

UNDERDOING    AND   OVERDOINO. 

Young  people  are  supposed  to  improve  them-^elves,  "but  it 
seems  to  be  the  general  opinion  that  marriage,  or  the  ceasing  to 
be  young,  is  a  dispensation  from  what  girls  call  "  anything 
sensible."  "There  are  other  things  to  be  done."  So  there  are, 
but  house-keeping  takes  only  a  very  short  time  in  the  morning, 
except  on  a  few  great  occasions,  or  in  periodical  audits  of 
accounts,  &c.  Even  where  small  means  cause  the  lady  of  the 
house  to  undertake  some  part  of  the  work  of  the  house,  and  all 
the  needlework,  she  will,  at  all  events  in  the  earlier  years  of  her 
married  life,  have  a  good  many  silent  hours,  if  her  husband  be  a 
professional  man.  And  most  women,  whether  married  or  single, 
have  time  to  dispose  of,  which  may  either  be  frittered  away  in 
busy  idleness  or  turned  to  valuable  account.  The  great 
hindrances  are  want  of  method,  unpunctuality,  dawdling  and 
talk.  To  take  them  in  their  order.  Method  is  almost  con- 
stitutional. Some  people  are  never  happy  without  a  framework 
for  their  day  and  week  ;  others  feel  intolerably  fretted  by  any 
rule,  and  are  wearied  by  the  tedious  vista  of  the  same  thing  to 
be  done  at  the  same  time  at  regular  intervals,  instead  of  when 
the  humour  for  it  comes. 


UNDERDOING   AND   OVERDOINCfc  241 

To  them,  of  course,  the  danger  is  that  the  humour  for  doing  the 
more  unpleasant  parts  of  their  duty  never  does  come,  and  that 
much  that  is  really  important  is  apt  to  he  forgotten  and  put 
aside,  kindnesses  neglected,  and  promises  broken,  and  "the eyes 
of  the  needy "  left  to  "  wait  long ; "  while  the  danger  to  the 
methodical  is  that  they  are  so  much  jarred  by  any  du^arrangement 
of  their  routine  that  temper  frequently  fails,  and  bewilderment 
makes  them  lose  head  and  presence  of  mind. 

But  method  is  on  the  safe  side,  and  is  above  all  desirable  in 
those  who  are  in  authority.  A  housekeeper,  a  schoolmistress  or 
governess,  would  be  totally  inellicient  wichout  method,  and  surely 
the  mistress  of  a  house  must  need  it  even  more. 

It  is  a  dLicipline  too  which  aU  who  deal  with  matters  of 
conscience  strongly  recommend,  and  therefore  should  be  made 
a  principle,  when  uo  greater  call  breaks  it  up.  A  girl,  who  ever 
Bincc  she  left  the  schoolroom  has  been  at  every  one's  beck  and 
call  all  day  long,  and  then  has  had  all  her  habits  deranged  by 
her  halcyon  days  of  courtship,  and  afterwards  by  bridal  travels 
and  vibits,  may  often  feel  it  diQcult  to  settle  into  regularity  when 
in  her  own  house.  Eut  then  is  her  time.  ^lost  likely,  though 
her  avocations  are  more  needful,  the  arrangement  of  them  is  more 
in  her  own  hands  than  when  she  was  only  one  member  of  a 
household.  If  her  husband  be  a  busy  man,  he  is  probably  bound 
to  certain  hours,  and  she  knows  exactly  what  time  he  will  have 
to  bestoAv  on  her.  If  he  has  a  good  deal  of  time  on  his  hands, 
and  is  apt  to  want  her  at  all  hours,  though  all  plana  must  be 
postponed  to  his  pleasure,  still  it  is  well  to  have  certain  fixed 
landmarks  in  the  day,  to  which  to  persuade  him  to  conform,  or 
that  strange  wild  thing  will  gTow  up,  a  ramshackle  household,  in 
which  no  one  knows  when  anything  is  to  be  done,  nor  where 
any  one  is  to  be  found,  and  there  is  continual  fret  and  worry  to 
all  who  do  nut  chance  to  be  born  with  a  reckless  easy-going 
temper. 

Let  not  the  young  wife  be  led  away  by  the  fooli.-h  saying 
that  only  tiresome  people  do  things  at  regular  times.  Probably 
she  has  a  good  many  hours  of  the  day  before  her  wdiile  her 

B 


242  WOMANKIND. 

husband  is  engagod,  and  she  will  do  ranch  more  wisely  if  she 
resolves  against  being  desultory.  If  she  picks  up  her  work  or 
her  book,  or  tries  the  last  bit  of  music,  just  when  the  humour 
takes  her ;  rushes  out  to  garden  or  to  shop  the  moment  an  idea 
or  a  want  strikes  her,  encourages  gaddings  at  all  hours  with  the 
friend  next  door,  and  writes  her  letters  either  on  the  spur  of 
the  inc'imiug  post  or  in  a  frenzy  of  haste  at  its  departure,  she 
will  ere  long  be  weary,  find  nothing  done,  and  have  begun  on  a 
course  that  will  not  be  easy  to  break. 

She  will  be  much  wiser,  and  much  less  likely  to  spend  a 
wearisome  life  of  muddle,  and  of  running  after  omissions,  if 
she  fixes  with  herself  certain  tasks  at  certain  hours,  and  on 
regular  days — putting  foremost  those  that  she  is  most  disposed 
to  shirk.  Domestic  affairs  naturally  are  periodical,  and  good 
servants  are  only  to  be  made,  or  kept,  by  regularity  in  all  that 
concerns  them.  So  charitable  works  (except  on  emergencies) 
are  better  followed  out  at  regular  times.  Poor  people  do  not 
like  to  be  visited  till  they  are  cleaned  up  for  the  day.  Even 
the  bed-ridden  are  disturbed  by  inroads  before  they  have  been 
put  into  trim,  and  no  great  good  is  to  be  done  in  schools 
without  conformity  to  their  clock-work  regulations.  And  as  to 
keeping  up  knowledge  or  accomplishments,  these  are  the  first 
things  to  sink  in  the  turbid  eddy  of  hurry,  while  sometimes 
things  undone  have  to  come  in  to  disturb  the  husband's  leisure 
hours  when  his  wife  ought  to  be  free  for  him. 

What  is  the  use  of  keeping  up  studies  or  arts  after  marriage  1 
some  ask.  To  be  an  intelligent  agreeable  companion  to  the 
husband  ;  or,  even  if  he  be  not  inclined  to  care  for  that,  to  be  fit 
to  bring  up  children,  and  to  have  some  real  and  rational 
opinion,  without  adding  to  the  already  overtoppling  mass  of 
froth  of  female  silliness. 

Eational  opinions  cannot  be  formed,  nor  reasonable  advice 
gi^'en,  by  mere  intuition,  or  without  more  knowledge  than  is 
brought  from  the  schoolroom.  Indeed,  the  same  facts  acquire 
ft  different  colouring  to  a  matured  mind,  to  say  nothing  of  the 
progress  which  is  every  year  made  in  discovery  and  research. 


UNDERDOING   AND   OVERDOINO.  243 

To  appoint  a  set  time  every  day  for  some  useful  reading  would 
generally  be  a  great  assistance  in  balancing  and  steadying  tlio 
tone  of  mind. 

All  must  be  done  subject  to  interruptions,  which  to  some  are 
welcome,  to  others  a  trial ;  but  perseverance  in  some  system — 
not  wilfully  neglected — will  generally  be  found  to  give  a  back- 
bone to  the  whole  body  of  employment. 

Babies  when  they  come  are  creatures  of  routine.  They  have 
the  animal  instinct  of  expecting  the  same  events  at  the  same 
hours  ;  good  nurses  promote  the  regularity,  and  the  hours  of 
attendance  on  them  sometimes  are  the  beginning  of  regularity 
in  a  mother  who  has  hitherto  been  desultory.  It  will  be  much 
better  for  her  and  for  them  as  they  grow  older,  if  she  have  still 
persevered  in  some  self-cultivation,  and.  not  allowed  herself  to 
get  into  a  whirl  of  hurry.  Society,  charitable  business,  and 
domestic  cares,  sometimes  make  the  lady  of  the  house  so  busy 
and  careworn  that  she  has  no  time  to  know  her  own  children  as 
they  ought  to  be  known.  And  yet,  it  is  really  as  a  matter  of 
fact  the  idlest  people  who  have  the  least  time,  the  busiest  who 
have  the  most — generally  because  these  latter  have  methods, 
and  really  do  instead  of  daAvdling. 

As  the  girls  grow  old  enough,  it  is  a  very  good  plan  for  the 
mother  to  undertake  to  hear  their  English  reading.  It  gives 
her  a  fixed  time  of  quiet  every  day ;  she  can  do  some  of  the 
needlework  that  is  nearly  sure  to  be  reqiured  while  listening, 
and  she  can  make  them  read  to  her  books  that  would  hardly  be 
used  in  the  schoolroom,  and  which  do  not  dwarf  the  mind  as  a 
series  of  books  written  down  are  apt  to  do.  Above  all  she  wiU 
keep  on  a  level  with  her  children's  minds,  and  not  lose  her 
grasp  over  them.  I  remember  a  mother  who  said  of  an 
only  daughter,  that  up  to  her  fourteenth  or  fifteenth  year, 
she  could  trace  whence  every  thought  or  idea  the  girl  uttered 
came  from ;  and  though  afterwards  there  might  be  the 
natural  shooting  beyond  of  the  young  branch,  the  perfect 
harmony  and  accordance  were  never  lost  between  the  two 
minds. 

R  2 


244  WOMANKIND. 

And  this  could  never  have  been  without  the  link  of  regulai 
systematic  occupation  shared  together. 

Punctuality  is,  of  course,  a  great  element  in  method.  The 
worst  of  it  is  that  essentially  punctual  and  unpunctual  peopI<j 
are  coupled  together,  to  the  terrible  fret  of  the  former,  while 
the  latter  are  quite  callous  to  the  inconvenience  they  occasion. 
Each  sex  thinks  the  other  incorrigible,  while  probably  they  are 
on  a  par.  Men  are  bound  to  absolute  punctuality  by  most 
professions,  but  they  think  they  may  make  up  for  it  at  home, 
and  are  both  more  sheerly  lazy  than  women,  and  more  apt  to  be 
reaUy  delayed  by  unforeseen  business,  or  by  those  inconvenient 
people  who  "  come  to  speak  "  just  at  breakfast  or  dinner-time. 

Women  are  in  general  anxious  to  be  punctual,  and  worn 
and  wearied  by  waiting  after  they  are  ready,  with  all  their 
nerves  on  the  stretch.  But  domestic  matters  do  interfere  with 
their  perfect  punctuality,  and  so  does  dress.  George  Herbert 
might  say,  "  Stay  not  for  the  other  pin,"  but  would  he  have 
liked  to  see  his  wife  make  her  appearance  in  church  without 
the  other  pin,  put  in  not  for  finery's  but  for  neatness'  and 
propriety's  sake  1  It  is  quite  true  that  she  might  have  gone 
CO  get  ready  in  good  time  to  stick  in  all  her  pins,  but  a  fractious 
child  or  a  blundering  servant  might  detain  her,  till  the  only 
applicable  maxim  would  be  "  Better  late  than  never."  It 
seems  to  me  that  the  office  of  the  lady  of  the  house  is  to  have 
her  machinery — as  far  as  depends  on  her — perfectly  punctual, 
not  putting  her  guests  to  the  extreme  discomfort  of  hurrying 
down  at  the  appointed  hour  for  breakfast  to  find  a  forlorn 
dining-room  and  wait,  staring  at  the  family  portraits  or  reading 
the  advertisements  in  last  week's  county  paper  for  half-an- 
hour  before  any  one  appears.  Presuming  the  next  morning, 
the  unhappy  guest  at  the  same  hour  finds  prayers  long  over, 
the  whole  family  sitting  over  half-finished  eggs,  and  the  tea 
and  kidneys  both  coid  ! 

Even  if  the  head  of  the  family  be  incorrigibly  unpunctual, 
it  is  still  the  duty  of  the  lady  not  to  let  herself  be  demoralised, 
nor  to  let  her  children  stray  off  to  use  the  waiting  time  on 


UNDERDOING    AND    OVERDOING,  245 

their  ^mn  concerns,  or  endless  time  is  wasted  by  the  whole 
community  rushing  the  one  after  the  other  as  soon  as  the 
signal  is  given.  The  best  means  of  avoiding  fret  of  temper 
for  herself  and  for  them  when  kept  waiting,  is  to  keep  some 
specially  charming  diversion  or  employment  exclusively/  for 
waiting  times,  some  game,  ludicrous  verses,  or  exciting  story, 
such  as  may  brighten  the  faces,  instead  of  letting  them  contract 
with  fidget,  or  length(  n  with  temper.  A  piece  of  knitting,  oi 
some  kind  of  work  one  may  wish  to  finish  is  a  good  panacea 
for  the  weariness  of  waiting  in  the  punctual  member  of  an 
unpunctual  family. 

Nobody  but  the  elders  ought  ever  to  be  waited  for.  Boya 
and  girls  should  suffer  the  inconvenience's  of  tardiness,  and, 
if  necessary,  be  punished  for  it,  since  it  is  a  serious  evil,  as 
every  one  owns  when  suffering  from  it  on  the  part  of  another, 
reckless  as  we  are  when  our  own  amusement  or  laziness  is  the 
cause  of  delay. 

To  be  absolute]}^  and  constantly  punctual  is  scarcely  possible 
considering  the  accidents  of  time  and  place,  but  to  be  regularly 
and  steadily  punctual  is  in  our  power  and  ought  to  be  made  a 
duty,  botli  as  self-discipline  and  as  doing  as  we  would  be  done 
by,  yes,  and  as  avoiding  many  faults. 

For  hurry  is  an  ungentle  state,  and  leads  to  hasty  words  and 
actions  that  would  never  have  stained  a  calmer  moment;  and 
how  many  neglig-^nces  have  not  also  been  committed  in  the 
flurry  which  prevents  all  recollected ness  ] 

The  only  wise  Avay  is  to  bf-gin  preparations  well  before  the 
fixed  time,  and  keep  the  repose  or  the  pleasure  for  the  interval 
after,  entirely  distrusting  the  perilous  last  minute.  On  the 
other  hand,  we  must  beware  of  a  nervous  fidget  Avhich  is  always 
too  early  with  everything,  and  torments  other  people  long 
before  the  time  with  hints  that  they  will  be  too  late.  It  is 
generally  the  safest  way  to  take  care  to  be  in  time  ourselves, 
but  to  guard  against  fussing  other  people,  and  indeed  to  keep 
our  minds  as  calm  as  possible  and  not  trouble  ourselves  about 
the  arrangements  of  those  not  under  our  control.     We  cannot 


246  WOMANKIND. 

always  judge  of  their  speed  in  getting  ready,  nor  of  the  im- 
portance of  their  occupations,  and  if  they  are  of  the  "  unready  " 
disposition,  worrying  is  very  likely  to  make  them  worse  out  of 
sheer  contradiction  and  contempt  of  what  seems  to  them 
intolerable  solicitude. 

And  even  if  our  pleasure  be  perilled  by  their  tardiness,  we 
may  pacify  ourselves  by  the  hope  that  after  all  this  vviU  be  one 
of  their  hairbreadth  escapes  of  being  too  late.  Or  there  is  the 
better  consolation  of  knowing  that  to  be  patient  and  repress 
all  tokens  of  fretfulness  will  really  be  a  little  victory,  a  little 
training  in  bearing  a  tiny  Cross.  It  is  so,  most  truly,  but  in 
most  cases  after  the  first  repressive  thought  of  this  kind,  the 
wisest  way  of  enduring  is  to  cheat  the  present  vexation  and 
anxiety  by  some  amusement  or  occupation.  To  learn  to  wait 
is  quite  as  needful  as  to  learn  to  be  in  time.  For  these  little 
waitings  are  playing  at  the  great  lessons  of  "  abiding  patiently  " 
and  "  tarrying  the  Lord's  leisure,"  of  which  life  is  made  up. 
"  L'immobilite  est  le  premier  rnouvement  du  soldat,"  and  to  force 
ourselves  to  sit  absolutely  still  and  quite  Ciilm  may  sometimes 
be  a  valuable  preparation  for  times  when  "  in  quietness  and 
confidence  shall  be  our  strength,"  and  lives  may  depend  on 
calmness  and  stillness.  Tl  ese  two  ate  the  parents  of  meditation, 
so  great  a  help  in  the  Christian  character. 

Such  stillness  is  essentially  removed  from  dawdling,  one  of 
the  banes  of  life.  It  is  not  possible  for  all  persons  to  be 
equally  ra[iid.  The  pace  which  seems  tardy  to  one  can  only  be 
kept  by  another  at  breath le?s  haste.  Even  among  cultivated 
people,  one  person's  eye  will  gather  up  the  import  of  a  page  in 
a  book  at  a  glance,  while  another  requires  to  rtad  every  word. 
Thought  and  dexterity  varj  in  quickness  in  every  one,  nay,  even 
at  different  timr;s  in  the  tame  individual ;  but  the  ride  of  doin-T 
all  things  Avith  aU  our  might  decides  the  point  that  whatever 
we  undertake  should  be  carried  through  at  the  rate  at  which 
we  can  give  our  best  care  and  attention,  "  redeeming  the  time," 
and  not  suffering  ourselves  either  to  slur  or  loiter  over  our  task, 
however  triflinj^  in  itself. 


UNDEr.DOING    AND    OVERDOING.  247 

Talk  is  one  of  the  great  enemies  of  living  a  wise  and  useful 
life.  It  is  even  more  a  snare  to  the  gio\vn-up  woman  than  to 
the  child.  Nobody  hushes  her,  nobody  suggests  being  seen 
and  not  heard,  her  tasks  are  all  self-imposed,  and  there  is 
nothing  to  hinder  her  tongue  from  running  on  from  morning 
to  night,  to  the  overthrow  of  any  real  employment  in  herself 
or  any  one  she  may  happen  to  be  with. 

To  many  women,  especially  those  who  have  belonged  to 
large  families,  one  continual  stream  of  purring  chatter  seems  a 
necessary  of  life.  TLey  are  unhappy  when  alone,  and  cannot 
sit  at  home  for  want  of  some  one  to  speak  to.  And  there  are 
others,  busy  and  useful  women  too,  who  have  no  notion  of 
time  when  they  are  talking,  but  who  pour  forth  such  a  torrent 
when  once  they  begin  that  they  are  the  dread  of  every  one.  The 
clergyman,  their  favouiite  victim,  drops  out  of  sight  if  he  sees 
them  in  the  dis'ance,  well  knowing  that  if  he  once  falls  in  with 
them,  he  will  be  kept  half  an  hour  and  be  behindhand  with  all 
he  has  to  do. 

Everybody  agrees  as  to  the  evUs  of  over-talkativeness,  and 
unfortunately  it  is  the  greatest  talkers  who  are  most  sensible  of 
it,  because  they  suffer  most  when  another  of  their  own  kind 
monopolises  the  conversation.  The  lady  who  said  "  Moi,  je  ne 
parle  jamais  de  moi  "  was  a  perfect  sample  of  the  unconsciousness 
of  loquacity. 

And  a  good  deal  more  is  to  be  said  for  talk  than  is  generally 
allowed.  ISIost  of  the  good  advice  about  it  seems  to  think  that 
it  is  possible  to  abstain  from  conversation,  or  at  any  rate  from 
everything  that  is  not  improving,  and  rules  are  laid  down  that 
might  be  followed  in  a  convent,  but  certainly  not  in  a  family  or 
in  society.  An  unreasonably  silent  person,  who  will  not  entertain 
nor  seem  to  be  entertained,  is  a  burthen  and  a  distress,  though 
the  error  is  a  less  harmful  one  than  the  more  common  failing. 
Perhaps  it  is  only  those  who  had  rather  hold  their  tongues  who 
are  safe  from  over-talk. 

The  difficulty  is  for  the  grown-up  person  to  know  when  it 
becomes  excessive  in  herself  after  the  age  when  no  one  dares  to 


248  ■WOMANKIND, 

call  her  to  Lcr  face  a  cliatter"hox.  Some  years  bac'k  a  reporter, 
whose  pruximity  to  a  puity  of  ladies  prcveuted  him  from  catch- 
ing the  speech  he  had  come  to  hear,  took  au  excellent  revenge 
by  writing  down  the  sciaps  ho  caught  interspersed  with  the 
chatter  behind  him.  It  was  a  goodlet^sou  on  talk  at  unfitting 
seasons.  Indeed  ouo  would  hardly  believe  how  impossible 
silence  is  to  people  who  ought,  from  oge  and  position,  to  know 
better  j  if  one  did  not  eee  and  hear  them  whispering  at  concerts, 
public  meetings,  and  ala^,  even  at  church.  To  be  absolutely 
silent  at  such  times  is  always  coaiteous,  and  sometimes  reverent. 

Sometimes,  when  people  of  a  higher  class  patronise  cntcrtaiii- 
ments  to  which  they  ih'nk  themselves  superior,  they  either 
assert  themselves,  or  try  to  find  diversion  by  whispered  wit  and 
criticisms,  interspersed  with  half-di?gineed  laughter.  ILjw  ill- 
mannered  this  is  need  hardly  be  said,  aad  yet  how  many  youLg 
— yes,  and  older  peoide  too — will  fall  into  it  1 

And  the  tongue  that  is  not  controlled  really  loses  the  pov.^er 
of  stillness.  Therefore,  it  is  much  better  never  to  let  slip  the 
schoolroom  training  in  silence  over  occupation  that  needs  atten- 
tion, or  that  will  be  unreasonably  prolonged  by  chatter,  such  as 
letter- writing  or  serious  reading.  I  behove  it  would  be  much 
belter  for  grown-up  girls  and  theii'  mother  to  sit  together  silently 
and  steadily  employed  in  the  morning,  than  for  those  to  whom 
silence  is  necessary  to  have  to  seclude  themselves  in  their  own 
rooms  with  their  business.  It  should  of  course  not  be  grim 
compulsory  silence,  but  a  tacit  mutu  J  agToement  not  to  disturb 
one  another,  a  sociable  silence,  so  to  say,  which  is  a  much 
greater  token  of  intimacy  than  talk.  A  few  other  times  it 
would  be  well  to  mark  with  absolute  silence,  euch  as  the  walk  to 
Church  before  an  early  Celebration,  such  decoration  of  churches 
as  is  done  in  the  Church  itself,  and  when  girls  occupy  the 
same  room,  the  time  after  their  private  prayers  at  night. 

The  time  while  going  to  bed  is  sometimes  the  only  opportunity 
of  confidences,  and  every  woman  knows  how  sweet  those 
dressing-gown  conversations  are,  so,  within  rational  limits  as  to 
lateness,  they  become  a  •*  time  to  speak  " — but  after  the  prayer 


TTNDERDOIXa   AND    OVEUDOINO.  2-19 

lif,3  closed  tie  day,  thcro  should  be  no  nioro  cLaLter  in  or  out 
of  bed, 

"  "We  to  Thee  onvselves  resign ; 
May  our  latest  thought  be  Thine," 

is  not  compa'ible  with  a  renewal  of  the  interests  lately  dIscn=!?Gd, 

Spaces  of  silence  only  add  zest  to  the  conversation.  Meal 
times,  and  all  the  leisure  hours  that  belong  to  recreation  or  to 
the  amusing  of  others,  will  be  all  the  better  and  brighter 
for  the  tongue's  having  had  somo  stillnoss,  the  ideas  soma 
recruiting. 

Conversation  is  emphatically  an  art  to  be  sfudiecl  for  home 
consumption.  "  Tenir  tin  salon  "  is  the  highest  accomplishment 
of  a  French  lady.  To  keep  her  own  drawing-room  in  this  sense 
should  be  the  aim  of  the  mother  of  a  family,  above  all  for  her 
own  circle.  To  teach  her  boys  and  girls  to  take  their  proper 
places  in  briglitening  up  the  home  and  contributing  to  its 
pleasantness,  to  keep  down  jarr  ng  elements,  to  turn  oil"  gos-ij), 
check  ill-natured  stories,  confute  exaggeration,  and  all  good- 
humouredly  and  without  apparent  interference,  is  one  of  the 
most  unassuming  and  yet  the  most  valuable  of  motherly  arts. 

Talkee-talkee  seems  to  some  to  be  the  whole  of  female  lifa, 
and  it  is  certain  that  conversation  is  one  of  the  greatest  enjoy- 
ments of  life,  from  the  refined  and  lively  intercourse  of  the 
choicest  society  down  to  the  old  village  dames  wagging  their 
chins  over  their  saucers  of  tea. 

Moreover,  almost  all  the  good  we  can  do  is  by  our  words,  not, 
of  course,  half  so  much  by  direct  admor.itinn  as  by  the  tone 
and  manner  in  which  we  handle  every  subject,  those  utterancea 
that  are  really  a  part  of  ourselves.  Therefore  it  is  a  duty, 
besides  doing  as  Ave  would  be  done  by,  to  sliare  in  conversation, 
and  talk  with  full  spirit  and  interest.  But  to  avoid  ovev-doicg 
in  quantity,  it  needs  to  be  very  observant  of  others.  Are  we 
talking  them  down  1  Do  they  seem  bored  ]  Are  there  indica- 
tions of  a  wish  to  escape?  Are  we  occupying  them  when  they 
must  wish  to  attend  to  something  else  ?    If  we  do  not  look  out 


250  WOMANKIND. 

for  tolcensi  lilns  these  we  may  be  making  ourselves  very  trouble- 
some nuisances. 

Overdoing  is  the  great  habit  of  our  day.  We  cannot  have  a 
fashion  but  it  is  exaggerated  to  caricature  pitch  ;  we  cannot  have 
a  new  game  but  it  is  trumpeted  forth  and  overworked  till  every- 
one is  sick  of  it.  If  we  give  a  party,  it  is  crowded ;  and 
■whatever  we  take  up  is  so  immediately  assisted  by  all  sorts  of 
facilities  and  inventions  that  we  are  fairly  carried  off  our  feet 
and  driven  on  beyond  our  intentions. 

To  be  thoroughly  occupied  and  employed  is  almost  nece?sary 
to  the  happiness  of  an  energetic  nature,  but  it  is  hardly  possible 
that  the  casual  and  extraneous  work  will  not  pour  in,  which 
goes  beyond  the  limits  of  the  convenient  and  possible,  and  ends 
by  making  time  all  one  drive  and  race.  If  this  happen  only  at 
intervals,  and  on  extraordinary  occasions,  well  and  good ;  but  if 
it  is  the  normal  habit,  it  is  wiser  to  drop  or  delegate  some  of 
the  works,  if  possible,  rather  than  continue  at  the  rushing 
speed,  which  must  break  down  and  destroy  all  calm  and  "  recol- 
lectedness."  That  love  of  doing  everjthing  ourselves,  and 
thinking  no  one  else  can  do  it,  is  a  great  snare  to  those  who  have 
"  faculty."  Perhaps  the  iyiner  side  of  it  (if  we  may  call  it  so) 
is  best  shown  in  "Joyce"  in  F.  M.  P.'s  One  Year.  Jf  un- 
checked, that  spirit  runs  on  into  the  masterful  woman — a  very 
obnoxious  personage — who  directs  everybody,  from  the  clergyman 
to  the  shoeblack  ;  and  with  the  utmost  simplicity  describes  the 
superhuman  exertions  she  has  made  to  come  to  your  assistance 
when  you  are  only  wishing  she  had  stayed  away. 

We  are  all  of  us  ready  to  say  we  could  not  groAV  into  so 
dreadful  a  person,  and  yet  it  is  quite  possible  to  any  one  who 
has  an  energetic,  active  mature,  and  a  dash  of  self-importance 
and  self-confidence.  As  soon  as  the  temper  of  patronising  and 
directing  develops  itself,  in  young  or  old —in  the  daughter  of 
the  parsonage,  the  lady  of  the  manor,  or  the  benevnlent  old  maid 
— there  is  nothing  for  it  but  "  a  grain  of  humbleness,"  to  con- 
sider, as  St.  Paul  bids  us,  others  as  better  than  ourselves,  and 
then  to  "  order  ourselves  lowly  and  reverently  to  aU  our  betters." 


UNDERDOING   AND   OVERDOINQ.  251 

If  onr  advice  or  aid  be  needed,  lowly  and  reverfatiy  let  it  bo 
given,  and  let  the  dread  of  domineering  be  before  our  eyes,  so 
soon  as  age  or  station  puts  the  temptation  in  oar  way.  It  is 
not  simply  because  it  makes  us  absurd  and  disagreeable,  but 
because  it  is  absolutely  wrong  to  thrust  our  elves  into  matters 
that  concern  others,  and  to  attempt  to  be  ono  of  "many 
masters."  Suggestions  arc  all  veiy  well,  but  vehnment  en- 
forcing of  them,  or  manifestation-!  of  displeasure  when  they 
are  not  adopted,  or  the  conviction  tliat  our  way  is  the  only  right 
one,  are  no  part  of  lowliness.  This  busybody  spirit  is  one  of 
the  reproaches  of  good  women,  and  a  soro  trial  to  the  clergy  in 
contact  with  them.  Let  those  whose  conscience  smites  them 
with  some  overbearing  moment  pray  for  the  "  ornament  of  a 
meek  and  quiet  spirit." 

Yes,  life  consists  in  first  being  stirred  to  do,  and  then  learning 
how  to  do.  We  sometimes  f-eem  to  rush  out  of  leaving  undone 
what  ought  to  be  done,  only  to  do  a  great  many  things  that 
ought  not  to  be  done.  To  timid  and  indolent  natures  it  seems 
the  safest  way  to  do  nothing.  For  it  is  easier  to  avoid  all 
exertion  on  behalf  of  our  noighbours  than  to  begin  only  to  find 
that  we  have  encouraged  an  impostor,  easier  to  delegate  authority 
than  to  have  a  battle  with  an  ill-tempered  child,  or  to  dive  into 
a  fathomless  well  of  half-truths  making  one  great  falsehood, 
mi'ch  easier  to  stay  at  home  in  our  drawing-room  than  to  consult 
with  ladies'  committees,  be  doubtful  whether  we  have  acted 
right,  and  perhaps  have  all  our  pains  sneered  at,  and  decried 
by  our  family  as  fancies  and  hobbies.  While,  if  activity  be  a 
pleasure  to  us,  there  is  the  continual  need  of  holding  it  in  check, 
avoiding  whirl,  or  if  whirl  comes  to  uy,  trying  to  keep  calmness 
and  judgment  in  the  midst,  and  letting  others  have  their  duo 
turn  and  weight  in  management.  It  is  a  perplexing  world  that 
we  live  in,  and  all  that  is  plain  to  us  is  that  the  sitting  still 
doing  no  good  work  is  no  more  safe  than  the  laying  up  the 
talent  in  the  napkin  was,  and  that  we  must  be  content  to  struggle 
on  with  our  work,  blundering  and  floundering  on,  as  it  were, 
even  at  the  best,  foiled  in  our  schemes,  or  finding  out  their 


252  ■WOMANKIND. 

ill  success ;  submitting  to  repression  "we  think  ill-jndged,  or  else 
finding  we  have  ridden  rough-shod  over  the  humble  counsel  that 
we  wish  we  had  followed,  learning  bj''  sad  and  bitter  personal 
experience  that  we  are  indeed  unprofitable  servants,  yet 

*'  Finding,  followiDg,  keepiufj,  struggling, 
Is  He  sure  to  bless  ? 
Angels,  nii  rlyi-i,  prophets,  vi.g'us, 
Ausvvei  jes." 


CHAPTER  XXIX. 

HEALTH. 


How  differont  is  the  lot  of  different  households  !  There  are 
some  that  go  on  year  after  year  "wh)lly  at  ease  and  quiet." 
Their  children  scarcely  know  a  serious  ailment ;  they  grow  up, 
go  out  into  the  woild,  and  marry,  and  still  the  parents  can 
count  their  flock  unbroken  ;  no  lamb  is  missing  from  the  roll- 
call,  and  they  begin  to  count  up  in  thankfulness,  but  in  trembling 
tones,  years  of  undimmed  peace  and  joy, — happy,  indeed,  if 
prosperity  has  made  them  more  loving,  more  grateful,  and  rich 
in  happy  memories  to  bear  them  through  the  years  that  must 
come. 

And  others  have  struggled  with  unceasing  anxiety  and 
sorrow,  with  disease  ever  at  hand,  maiming  the  young  lives 
even  when  it  spares  them,  leaving  gaps  in  the  circle  and  aches 
in  the  hearts  of  the  loving,  and  rendering  life  one  course  of 
suffering,  and  a  continual  round  of  precaution. 

Such  extremes  as  these  are  not  co  nmon.  Fair  woi'king 
health  is  the  ordinary  rule,  though  there  is  nothing  more 
unequally  balanced  than  the  amount  of  comfort  or  discomfort 
with  which  people  go  about  the  world.  A  habitually  ailing 
person  will  go  through  the  business  of  the  day  with  a  head 


HEALTH.  I!  5  3 

and  'back  that  would  entirely  disable  and  terrify  the  stronpf  and 
healthy,  and  not  unreasonably,  since  in  them  it  would  probahly 
mean  serious  mischief,  while  the  other  knows  that  it  is  on]y  her 
daily  cross,  to  be  borne  pationt'y  and  cheerfully,  and  not  likely 
to  lead  to  anything  further. 

It  is  a  tiulh,  or  truism,  that  it  is  right  to  take  caro  of  the 
health.  Yet  it  is  a  saying  of  tha  Anglicin  comfortable  order, 
and  would  be  utterly  denied  and  scorned  by  any  mediceval  saint 
who  would  view  the  keeping  the  body  under,  and  bringing  it 
into  subjection,  as  meaning  that  the  poor  thing  was  to  be 
neglected,  misused,  and  in  short  treated  as  Vdnesse. 

The  Port-Eoyal  nuns  died  like  sheep  in  the  malarious 
atmosphere,  and  no  one  saw  any  harm  in  the  shortening  of 
their  probation  on  earth.  Faith  was  strong,  and  saw  in  sick- 
ness only  a  cros^,  in  death  only  a  release,  and  deliberately 
postponed  the  body  to  the  soul  as  deliberately  as  we  postpone 
the  soul  to  the  body,  and  view  it  as  a  heinous  offence  not  to  do 
exactly  the  thing  best  calculated  to  keep  the  body  in  high  con- 
dition. Nay,  if  the  transgression  be  only  an  imprudence  for 
pleasure's  sake,  it  is  easily  forgiven  ;  but  let  it  bo  for  a  religious 
scruple,  and  there  is  an  immediate  outcry. 

To  keep  the  body,  as  far  as  lies  in  our  power,  in  good  and 
elTective  order  and  working  power,  and  to  avoid  what  we  know 
to  be  harmful  to  it,  or  likely  to  bring  on  an  illnc  ss,  is,  of 
course,  a  duty.  Imprudence  is  an  actual  sin  when  it  is  wilful 
recklessness  and  disobedience  ;  and  it  is  often  an  act  of  true 
self-denial  to  submit  obediently  to  such  precautions  as  interfere 
with  enjoyment — avoiding  damp  grass  or  evening  chills,  and 
enduring  laughter  from  oihers  who  can  venture  on  the  forbidden 
liberty.  Thw  lively  and  high-spirited  suffer  a  good  deal  of 
vexation,  and  endure  much  wholesome  discipline  when  thus 
forced  to  consider  delicate  health ;  but,  on  the  other  hand,  it 
is  quite  possible  to  make  health  a  sort  of  idtil,  and  an  excuse 
for  doing  nothing  but  what  happens  to  be  easiest  and  most 
agreeable. 

It  is  almost  impossible  to  lay  down  general  rules.     With 


254  WOMANKIND. 

some  girls  neither  fro:,t  nor  damp  dops  harm  j  a  walk  in  pouring 
rain  only  gives  a  glow  to  their  cheeks,  and  the  only  thing  that 
does  seem  to  try  them  is  b^ing  shut  up  in  the  house  all  day. 
It  is  well  for  them  to  rejoice  in  their  strength,  and  make  the 
best  use  of  it,  cultivating  hardy  habits  by  avoiding  the  little 
indulgences  that  are  not  needful  for  them,  keeping  their  bed- 
rooms cool  and  airy,  and  taking  plenty  of  exercise,  though  even 
for  them  some  precaution  is  needed.  It  is  wiser  not  to  take 
walks  of  extra  length  more  than  occasionally,  and  to  be 
thoroughly  rested  from  one  before  talking  another;  and  indeed, 
where  fatigue  is  hardly  felt  or  acknowledged  at  the  tiniH, 
subsequent  harm  is  often  done  by  want  of  moderation  in 
exercise,  such  as  strong,  high-spirited  girls  will  often  take  in 
rather  wilful  disregard  of  the  warnings  of  mothers  and  aunts. 
Wet  feet  do  not  alvpays  injure  everybody;  but  it  is  never  safe 
to  presume  on  former  escapes  ;  ''ul  no  sports  ought  ever  to  bo 
permitted  that  may  keep  the  d.  licate  or  thinly-shod  on  dewy 
grass  in  the  evening.  For  those  who  are  strong,  the  hardiest 
and  simplest  habits  are  the  safest  and  best.  Avoiding  chills, 
and  using  warm  clothing  enough,  it  will  generally  be  the  best 
way  to  use  cold  water  in  the  morning  and  warm  at  night  as 
plentifully  as  possible,  and  to  avoid  stimulants.  Those  who 
start  as  water-drinkers  have  a  great  advantage  in  the  benefit 
that  in  time  of  need  any  extra  strengthening  gives  them.  Eut 
some  are  too  delicate,  some  too  weakly  for  such  treatment,  and  the 
vigorous  alone  can  profit  by  the  freshness  and  activity  it  gives. 

The  healthy  are  very  apt  to  disdain  and  laugh  at  their  care- 
ful companions,  and  tease  them  for  coddling,  litlle  knowing  the 
penalty  and  danger  of  the  hardihood  that  comes  so  naturally  to 
them  ;  how  the  damp  walk  is  at  the  cost  of  a  perilous  cough, 
and  the  draught  brings  on  neuralgia  or  rheumatism.  Such  girls 
sometimes  exercise  absolute  tyranny  in  their  love  of  air  and 
scorn  of  coddling,  and  their  laughter  makes  it  much  harder  to 
the  conscientious  friend  who  is  already  afraid  enough  of  "  being 
tiresome,"  in  taking  the  needful  care  of  herself. 

But  fresh  air  is  life,  and  it  is  a   happy  thing  that  most 


HEALTH.  255 

educated  people  of  the  present  generation  have  learnt  a  due 
esteem  for  it ;  but  those  who  love  it  best  must  learn  to  act 
with  consideration.  Those  who  suffer  from  heat  and  cold  are 
not  quite  on  equal  terms,  for  in  general  the  damage  done  by 
cold  is  much  more  serious  and  lasting  than  the  discomfort  of  a 
close  room  or  a  closed  railway-carriage,  which,  at  the  worst,  can 
only  cause  headache,  or  even  faintness. 

In  youth,  obedience  must  rule ;  afterwards,  it  ought  to  be 
true  that  every  one  after  forty  is  either  a  fool  or  a  physician. 

A  certain  amount  of  time  is  really  neces  ary  for  getting 
acquainted  with  one's  own  constitution,  and  gaining  experience 
of  what  it  will  bear ;  after  which  our  common  sense  and  discre- 
tion have  to  avoid  trifling  with  it,  and  at  the  same  time  to 
guard  against  making  the  body  too  important.  Sometimes  to 
run  a  risk  would  be  foUy ;  at  others,  to  avoid  it  would  be 
selfishness. 

There  must  be  a  due  and  seasonable  regard  to  probable  con- 
sequences. The  risk  of  a  serious  attack  on  the  chest  is  a  very 
different  thing  from  the  certainty  of  a  bad  headac^ie  of  the 
nervous  order.  Tlie  one  requires  the  sacrifice  of  what  would 
otherwise  be  a  duty,  the  other  often  is  bravely  faced  and 
endured. 

Many  of  the  best  and  most  earnest  works  of  charity  now  in 
hand  are  actively  carried  on  under  the  pressure  of  constant 
suffering  and  ill-health,  and  it  will  be  often  found  that,  though 
no  one  has  a  right  to  do  that  which  has  been  said  to  be  directly 
injurious,  yet  a  brave  struggle  not  to  be  made  useless  has 
resulted  in  the  lightening  of  the  load. 

The  continual  depression  of  a  low  condition  is  one  of  the 
trials  that  comes  to  many.  Children  show  it  in  a  perpetual 
fretfulness  and  crying,  and  their  elders  sometimes  envy  them 
for  their  power  of  indulging  in  tears.  It  is  a  very  bad  sign 
when  everyone  seems  to  be  unpleasant.  A  clever  old  lady  once 
said,  "  If  one  person  is  cross,  I  suppose  he  is  out  of  temper  ; 
if  two  people  are  cross,  I  still  think  it  may  be  their  fault ;  but 
if  everybody  is  cross,  I  go  to  my  medicine-che'=;t." 


256  WOMANKIND. 

Then  it  is  that  we,  like  her,  must  decide  that  the  fault  carinol 
be  in  everybody  at  once,  hut  in  our  own  temper  and  spirits  ; 
and  while  using  remedies,  we  must  keep  a  good  and  careful 
guard  over  thought  and  word,  and  do  our  very  best  to  keep  the 
peace,  and  take  a  cheerful  view  of  things.  When  we  become 
conscious  of  being  in  this  mood ;  nay,  when  we  are  accused  of 
it,  and  feel  most  persuaded  that  the  cross  one  is  the  speaker,  we 
had  better  Iceep  tliat  resolution^  which  is  the  best  cure  for  the 
spirit  of  contradiction,  not  to  oppose  except  on  second  thoughts. 
Probably  it  is  the  lot  of  more  than  half  the  world  to  go  about 
and  do  their  work  in  life  under  the  pressure  of  undefined  or 
defined  ailment,  needing  a  continual  exertion  to  keep  good- 
tempered  and  active. 

In  most  cases  resolution,  and  an  endeavour  not  to  be 
disagreeable  to  others,  is  the  best  remedy.  It  is  much  better 
and  wiser  not  to  give  way  unless  we  have  been  told,  or  know 
from  experience,  that  serious  consequences  will  result  from 
disregard  of  such  discomforts.  There  are  symptoms  not  to 
be  neglected,  or  fatal  illness  may  be  the  consequence,  and 
the  merest  trifle  may  seem  quite  as  distressing  at  the  moment. 
But  if  we  give  way  to  the  unimportant  indisposition,  and 
nurse  and  make  much  of  it,  we  give  it  an  advantage  over  us, 
we  occupy  our  minds  with  it,  magnify  it  in  imagination,  and, 
besides  the  immediate  duty  left  undone,  wo  disqualify  our- 
selves for  future  exertion  by  promoting  languor,  laziness,  and 
nervousness.  Moreover,  it  is  often  possible  that  the  very 
exertion,  by  turning  the  course  of  the  thoughts,  actually  works 
a  cure. 

Bemember,  too,  it  is  a  very  suspicious  circumstance  when  an 
ailment  makes  a  duty  seem  intolerable,  but  shrinks  into  nothing 
on  the  announcement  of  a  pleasure.  It  is  quite  true.  Our 
nerves  and  our  wills,  or  whatever  they  may  be,  in  this  strange 
frame  of  ours,  are  so  mixed  up  together,  that  even  when  we  hate 
ourselves  for  it,  we  get  well  for  what  we  like,  and  the  only 
revenge  we  can  take  is  to  force  ourselves  to  do  the  thing  we 
don't  like,  whether  we  feel  up  to  it  or  not,  and  if  we  onco 


HEALTH.  257 

begin  to  do  it  heartily,  it  will  be  as  good  a  cure  as  the 
pk-asuie. 

This  is  not  advising  any  trifling  with  healtli.  No  one  has  a 
right  to  do  that.  It  is  too  precious  to  he  sacrificed  to  carolessness 
wilfulness,  fashion,  or  amusement;  though  sometimes  there  are 
higher  services  that  require  it  to  be  disregarded.  A  child  nursing 
a  sick  parent,  a  wife  accompanying  her  husband,  and  again, 
those  who  are  called  to  w^ork  for  God's  service,  often  have  to  put 
their  personal  risk  of  damaged  health  out  of  the  question.  It  is 
all  a  matter  of  comparison,  duty,  and  obt-dience.  Sharp  local 
sulleriiig  is  to  some  people  more,  to  some  lets,  disabling,  often 
accoidiiig  to  its  frequency,  but  something  dejiends  on  the 
endurance  and  sensitiveness  of  the  individual  nervous  system. 
Thinkin.f;  about  it  as  little  as  possible  is,  as  usual,  tLe  most 
practical  way  of  enduring.  Such  occupation  as  may  be  possible 
should  be  sought,  and  though  submission  to  the  cross,  and 
prayer  for  relief  or  for  resignation,  must  underlie  everything,  yet 
cheerfulness  should  find  support  and  outlet  in  the  interests 
around,  the  sympathy  of  friends,  and  the  little  alleviations  and 
amusements  to  be  found. 

"  There  is  no  such  waste  as  to  pity  oneself,"  as  the  old  nurse 
said  ;  and  it  may  be  a  wholesome  recollection  to  many  called  on 
to  endure  pain,  from  a  toothache  up  to  the  truly  severe  sulTering 
that  falls  to  the  portion  of  some. 

The  same  rules  apply  when  Church  rules  or  religious 
observances  are  in  question.  If  a  fast  really  disorders  the  frame 
and  leaves  bad  consequences,  the  "  abstinence  "  must  not  be  from 
solid  food,  but  if  it  only  produces  a  little  depression  and  yawning 
that  is  only  a  sign  that  it  is  a  reality.  Or  if  kneeling  produces 
faintncss  there  may  be  real  cause  for  giving  it  up  ;  but  in  nine 
cases  out  of  ten  it  will  turn  out  to  be  merely  from  casual 
exhaustion,  from  heat,  or  fatigue  or  nervousness. 

Kcrves  and  hysteria  in  all  their  forms  are  the  great  perplexity, 
for  the  suffering  is  real,  and  yet  is  almost  viewed  as  unreal  In 
general  the  tendencies!  (before  the  malady  is  confirmed)  are  best 
dealt  with  by  resolution  on  the  part  of  the  victim  or  her  friends. 

s 


258  WOMANKIND. 

Quietnos^  and  an  enJoavour  to  occupy  the  attention  will 
sometimes  ward  off  an  at'ack,  and  to  make  a  change  and  avoid 
the  associations  under  Avhich  the  suffering  has  occurred  is  a  help. 
IMorbid  nervous  fancies  about  oneself,  frights  and  frets,  are  often 
cured  by  some  great  excitement  that  entirely  takes  us  out  of 
ourselves.  But  engiossirig  occupation,  above  all  in  the  causae  of 
the  poor  and  suffering  around,  must  surely  have  the  same  erfect, 
if  tried  for  their  sakes,  not  our  own.  Locality  has  an  etTect  on 
health  and  spirits  that  sometimes  causes  a  difliculty.  It  is  a 
great  trial  to  feel  better,  lighter,  more  active,  and  therefore  more 
good,  wherever  one's  station  has  not  called  one,  and  to  find 
dreary  "all-overishness"  and  general  depression  awaiting  one  in 
one's  appointed  home.  Here,  again,  is  one  of  the  points  for 
duty  and  unselfishiicss  to  decide.  If  there  is  nothing  to  fix  one 
to  the  place,  of  course  it  is  best  to  go  where  one  is  most  strong 
and  efficient,  but  even  then  it  is  not  wise  to  encourage  a  restless, 
vague  temper  of  roaming.  If  we  cannot  be  well  in  a  bracing  air, 
let  us  try  a  warm  one  ;  if  relaxation  unstrings  us,  let  us  try 
brisker  air ;  but  when  two  or  three  places  have  disagreed  in  the 
same  manner,  and  we  are  simply  weary  of  them,  it  may  be  as 
well  to  question  whether  the  wandering  habit  is  a  good  one, 
and  whether  settling  down  to  lose  the  thought  of  self  by 
finding  interests  and  ties  might  not  relieve  some  part  of  the 
ailment. 

And  where  the  vocation  of  father  or  husband  lies  in  the  very 
atmosphere  most  depressing  to  the  dau;,'hter  or  wife,  and  she  can 
only  freshen  herseK  by  an  occasional  holiday,  it  is  indeed  a  trial, 
and  one  often  met  with  brave  fortitude  and  patience.  The 
restlessness  that  unsettles  him  is  often  absolutely  kept  under, 
and  sometimes  prayer  and  patience  succeed  in  fitting  the  back 
to  the  burthen,  the  health  strengthens,  or  some  change  of  house 
makes  all  the  difference.  Any  way,  when  it  is  a  clergyman's 
wife  who  finds  her  husband's  parish  disagree  with  her,  she  should 
be  very  careful  how  sfie  lets  herself  interfere  with  his  duties. 
Not  only  is  it  a  grievous  thing  to  carry  him  away  from  his 
parish,  but  serious  temjjtations  to  faith  and  doctrine  sometimes 


HEALxn.  250 

Tbesct  clergy  forced  to  become  idlers,  wliicli  would  never  have 
berallen  them  in  their  full  career  of  work. 

Of  course  when  physicians  say  it  is  matter  of  life  or  death, 
of  recovery  or  lingering  disease,  and  Avhen  there  are  means  for  a 
journey,  the  matter  is  taken  out  of  the  patient's  hand-!,  and  it 
is  a  duty  to  obey.  But  when  the  means  are  wanting  and  the 
move  is  well-nigh  impossible,  there  is  much  corapciibation  and 
comfort  in  re.-ignation,  in  the  being  spared  the  farewells  and  the 
journey,  and  an  invalid  will  do  well  to  look  resolutely  on  this 
side  of  the  question,  and  remember  there  is  no  restraint  to  the 
Lord  to  save  by  an  English  winter  or  by  a  IMediterrancan  one. 
Yes,  let  those  who  cannot  spend  what  tliey  would  like  on  advice 
or  on  remedies  for  themselves,  or  their  dear  ones,  remember  that 
unlimited  power  of  this  kind  really  often  increases  the  harass 
and  worry  by  bringing  in  conflicting  opinions,  and  fretting,  and 
■wear3'ing  the  patient  with  long  journevs  and  endless  experiments, 
often  in  themselves  distressing  and  painful. 

Much  the  same  is  to  be  said  about  ail  vice  as  about  change  of 
air.  It  is  reasonable  and  wise  to  consult  some  medical  man  of 
eminence  when  our  ordinary  atteu'lant  has  evidently  exhausted 
his  resources  without  eii'ect,  but  after  that,  it  is  much  better  to 
tranquillize  oneself,  and  not  wander  from  one  system  to  another 
with  vain  impatient  expectation  of  a  cure.  If  ill-health  does 
set  in,  though  of  course  we  must  *•'  give  place  to  the  physician  " 
and  obey  his  directions,  the  only  way  not  to  bo  a  burthen  to 
oiu'selves  and  all  around  is  in  the  double  meaning  of  the  third 
petition  of  the  Lord's  Prayer,  submission  to  His  will  and  doing 
it,  first  accepting  the  Cross  and  then  thinking  of  it  and  oneself 
as  little  as  possible. 

To  use  all  means  for  the  preservation  of  our  own  health  and 
that  of  others  is  almost  a  branch  of  the  Sixth  Commandment. 
To  do  our  best  to  prevent  carelessness  such  as  imperils  life  or 
damages  health  is  a  clear  duty.  No  one  ought  to  rest  contented 
where  there  are  any  tokens  that  sanatory  measures  are  needful, 
though  nothing  is  so  difficult  as  to  accomplish  them,  and  those 
who    meddle    in  them    are    thought    fanciful  and   meddling. 

8  2 


2G0  \roMANKi:«-D. 

Ilowever,  the  spirit  of  the  age  is  in  favour  of  this  hranch  of 
the  subject,  anJ  the  matter  is  lilcely  every  year  to  become  easier, 
since  every  epidemic  generally  causes  some  place  to  take  the 
alarm  and  look  to  its  drains. 

But  people  ought  to  be  reminded  that  unselfishness  or  dislike 
to  complain  and  give  trouble  must  not  make  them  keep  silence 
about  unpleasant  smcUs  or  Ul-tasting  Avater,  for  the  consequences 
of  silence  may  be  very  dreadfuL 

When  the  epidemic  has  begun  its  course  comes  tho  question 
of  infection,  and  this  is,  as  usual,  to  be  judged  by  good  sense 
and  unselfishne=!S.  A  morbid  horror  of  infection  is  selfish  waiit 
of  trust  in  God,  and  a  reckless  exposure  of  oneself  is  equally 
selfish,  and  is  tempting  Ilim. 

Most  people  being  in  all  probability  franked  against  all  the 
common  epidemics  they  have  once  had,  except,  perhaps,  scarlet 
fever,  may  reasonably  venture  among  them  if  any  good  purpose 
is  to  be  fulfil  led  by  so  doing  in  the  way  of  nursing  or  consolation, 
but  this  never  should  be  done  without  precautions  against 
carrying  away  the  seeds  of  contagious  disorders  in  the  dress  to 
those  who  have  never  had.  them.  A  doctor's  orders  in  this 
matter  are  never  to  he  disobeyed.  Young  ladies  are  apt  to  have 
a  sort  of  contemptuous  antagonism  to  the  doctor,  and  to  think 
him  an  ally  of  those  at  home,  who  would  make  them  useless, 
and  thus  they  defy  his  rules,  and  rush  from  one  cottage  to 
another,  perhaps  carrying  infectious  fever  in  their  woollen 
diesses  to  a  person  in  a  slate  to  whom  it  is  doubly  dangerous. 
\Vhy  should  they  carry  it,  they  say,  when  the  doctor  does  not  % 
They  may  depend  on  it  that  he  arranges  his  visits  so  as  not  to 
go  immediately  from  the  fever  case  to  the  other,  or  that  ho  has 
used  some  means  of  lessening  the  infection.  Disobedient  im- 
prudence of  this  kind  has  sometimes  done  fatal  mischief,  and 
also  retarded  and  caused  mistrust  of  the  good  cause  for  a  long 
time  after. 

Those  who  have  never  had  these  disorders  will  generally  do 
more  kindly  by  keeping  out  the  way  of  them ;  though,  if  they 
find  their  care  necessary,  or  have  incurred  the  risk  of  infection 


HEALTH.  261 

without  Icnowing  it,  they  -will  do  most  wisely  to  tlirow  off  self, 
think  as  little  about  fears  and  risks  as  possible,  leave  it  in  God'a 
hands  when  they  say  their  prayers,  and  go  cheerfully  about 
their  work,  whether  it  be  that  of  common  life  or  of  nursing. 
Whether  they  are  to  be  ill  or  well,  this  will  be  the  best 
preparation. 

There  are  many  books,  such  as  ]\Iiss  Jlaurice's  Sichiess,  its 
Trials  and  Blessings  ;  Sunshine  in  Sickness  ;  Our  Invalids  ;  and 
above  all  the  Abbe  Henri  Perreyve's  La  Journee  d'tm  Maladc, 
anglicised  as  From  Morning  to  Evening,  which  treat  of  the 
spiritual  way  to  endure  long,  permanent,  and  severe  sickness ; 
and  there  are  others  on  nursing,  entering  into  the  practical 
details  of  care.  On  these,  therefore,  I  will  not  enter,  for  these 
books  are  written  from  practical  personal  experience,  such  as  no 
healthy  person  can  really  have.  I  would  only  pass  on  to  remind 
those  who  have  an  invalid  in  the  family  of  the  great  care  and 
consideration  needed. 

The  invalid  of  books,  who  lies  on  the  sofa  ready  to  do  every- 
thing for  everybody,  and  to  hear  every  care  and  trouble,  is  an 
excellent  ideal  for  the  invalid  herself,  and  is  often  so  carried 
out  as  to  make  the  sickroom  the  care  and  centre  of  the  family. 

But  all  invalids  have  not  the  free  head  and  nerves,  lively  spirits, 
and  unfailing  temper,  required  for  such  a  post  to  be  easily  ful- 
filled. Heads  and  nerves  will  be  shaken  and  need  silence, 
backs  will  be  jarred  by  hasty  or  heavy  steps,  or  fidgety  hands 
playing  with  the  couch,  attention  "will  flag  to  the  best  devised 
amusement,  and  the  young  brothers  and  sisters  will  go  off 
declaring  that  their  patient  is  so  cross  there  is  no  pleasing  her, 
and  then,  when  she  could  be  amused  but  has  no  energy 
to  amuse  herself,  they  are  all  gone,  and  she  is  left  to  utter 
loneliness. 

The  great  thing  to  learn  in  such  invalid  companionship,  is  to 
follow  the  will  of  the  patient  instead  of  your  own,  not  to  be 
despotically  bent  on  carrying  out  your  own  views  of  what  is 
diverting,  and  to  manifest  neither  surprise  nor  disappointment 
at  the  failure  of  any  plan  of  yours  for  giving  pleasure.     Do 


202  WOMANKIND. 

not  think  it  is  unreasonableness  or  ingratitude  wlien  yotii 
favourite  plan  is  received  languidly,  and  what  has  cost  so  much 
trouble  to  procure  is  put  aside  with  feeble  thanks — if  any. 
You  little  know  what  an  oppression  your  very  eagerness  is, 
how  great  the  disappointment  may  be  in  having  no  relish  for 
what  has  been  looked  forward  to,  nor  how  much  effort  there 
has  been  in  squeezing  out  those  thanks.  Yery  likely  the 
capacity  for  enjoying  and  the  gratitude  will  come  in  a  day  or 
two;  but  on  the  whole  the  love  is  best  that  takes  kindness  as 
so  natural  that  gratitude  seems  uncalled  for. 

At  the  same  time,  the  power  of  creating  variety,  and  inventing 
resources,  either  for  comfort  or  for  amusement,  is  a  great  benefit 
and  gift ;  but  the  great  thing  is  to  watch  the  right  moment, 
not  force  on  your  invention.  Talk  when  it  is  likely  to  be  a 
pleasure,  and  not  only  when  you  are  eager ;  and  make  it  your 
business  whenever  you  go  out,  to  bring  something  home  to 
enliven  the  prisoner,  be  it  flowers,  or  leaves  from  the  lanes,  or 
descriptions  of  scenes  and  adventures,  or  scraps  of  news. 
IMany  a  dull  call  or  disagreeable  interview  may  become  a  great 
entertainment,  if  rehearsed  with  liveliness  and  drollery.  It 
seems  as  if  the  most  ordinary  sense  Avould  tell  us  such  things  as 
these ;  and  so  they  will,  if  we  give  our  mind  to  them,  and  yet 
people  are  strangely  thoughtless,  above  all,  when  unused  to 
anything  like  permanent  illness.  They  take  no  pains  not  to 
tread  heavily ;  they  lean  against  the  couch  and  shal^e  it  as  they 
talk ;  they  mend  the  fire  noii~ily,  and  scrape  the  cinders  with  a 
worrying  sound ;  they  leave  the  sun  streaming  in,  or  blinds  to 
"  come  tajiping "  with  distracting  monotony ;  and  if  any  ■ 
favourite  friend  be  sitting  with  the  invalid,  they  flock  in  to 
enjoy  her  society,  forgetting  that  even  if  they  do  not  destroy 
the  only  chance  of  a  tete  d-fete,  they  oppress  by  their  numbers, 
and  consume  the  air  that  it  is  not  always  easy  to  renew. 

When  outsiders  come  to  see  a  sick  person,  there  should  be 
strength  of  mind  on  tlio  Inends'  side  to  shut  the  door  when  the 
visit  would  be  wearisome,  and  there  should  be  rational  kindness 
on  the  part  of  the  visitor  so  as  not  to  take  ofience  on  the  score 


HEALTH.  263 

of  jealousy.  **  Some  other  person  was  admitted — I  was  not ! 
I  will  not  go  again."  Probably  that  was  the  very  reason ! 
One  visitor  may  be  a  benefit,  two  a  fatigue. 

Throughout  it  is  the  same  story — leave  self  behind,  and  you 
will  do  well.  And  to  the  invalid,  whose  self  is  so  painfully 
present  in  pain,  weakness,  or  lassitude,  shall  I  venture  to  say 
anything  that  has  not  been  much  better  said  in  the  books  1 
mentioned  1 

Yes,  one  word  I  will  try  to  say.  Perhaps  you  are  grieved  at 
feeling  yourself  so  unlike  the  gracious  invalids  you  read  of,  so 
loved  by  all.  You  feel  it  very  hard  and  neglectful  if  you  are 
left  alone,  yet  you  do  not  icnow  how  to  bear  with  the  others 
when  they  come,  and  you  are  glad  when  you  can  manage  to  be 
only  dull,  not  snappish.  People  petted  you,  and  thought 
nothing  too  much  fur  you,  when  you  were  very  ill ;  now  that 
ailment  is  permanent,  they  are  getting  tired  of  you,  when  you 
really  want  them. 

There  is  nothing  for  it  but  to  dwell  more  and  more  on  Him, 
Who  is  shutting  you  into  your  chamber  to  commune  with  Him. 
Dwell  on  His  Love  and  His  Sufferings  for  you,  and  you  will 
find  it  easier  to  give  the  love  and  sympathy  that  will  draAv 
others  to  you.  And  do  your  best  to  be  of  use  to  some  one. 
Y'^our  work  may  be  for  the  poor ;  you  may  make  scrap-books,  or 
dress  dolls  for  children  ;  you  can  do  easy  matters  the  busy  have 
no  time  for ;  you  can  be  their  memory,  send  kind  messages,  or 
a  share  of  your  dainties  to  other  sick  persons,  or  write  letters 
that  sometimes  are  much  valued.  It  is  the  old  story  so  often 
enforced  in  parable  and  allegory—  our  cross  grows  lighter  so 
BOOH  as  we  set  our  hand  to  aid  in  buaiing  that  of  another. 


264  WOMANKll^O. 

CnAPTEPw   XXX. 

HOME. 

The  Af'ar  and  the  hearth  !  Well  may  they  be  coupled 
together,  and  well  does  Wordsworth  in  his  "  Lark"  describe  the 
faithful  heart  as— 

"True  to  the  kindred  points  of  Heaven  and  Home!*' 

Home-making  is  perhaps  tho  most  essential  of  all  the  duties 
of  womankind.  Above  all  it  belongs  to  tho  wife  and  mother, 
but  it  often  falls  to  the  h^t  of  daughter,  sister,  or  aunt,  and 
woe  to  the  finiily  that  has  not  a  home-maker  in  its  house- 
wife !  Men  can  seldom,  if  ever,  make  a  home  by  themselves, 
and  though  Ihey  can  live  their  lives  without  a  present  one, 
sometimes  rising  above  tho  need,  sometimes  falling  below,  it 
is  Seldom  that  there  is  not  either  in  memory  or  in  hope,  some 
precious  spot  that  has  been — nay,  that  still  is  the  home  of 
their  affections,  or  to  v^'hich  they  hope  yet  to  attain. 

Home  need  not  be  a  fixed  spot.  'V/andering  families  of 
officers,  &c.,  who  spend  their  lives  in  a  succession  of  furnished 
houses,  yet  contrive  to  carry  about  with  them  a  perfect  sense 
of  home  that  is  wanting  in  some  houses  whose  owners  might 
almost  look  down  on  Domesday  Look. 

And  yet  there  are  palaces  with  a  core  of  home,  and  single 
back  rooms  in  lodging-houses  which  have  that  in  them  that 
holds  fast  the  heart  of  the  inhabitant. 

"What  is  this  element  of  home?  la  it  not  above  all  that 
of  being  the  place  where  one  is  always  welcome,  and  above  all 
sure  of  sympathy  and  case]  A  placo  to  gravitate  to,  not 
merely  as  one  to  eat  and  sleep  in  and  servo  as  a  shelter  in 
case  of  illness,  but  the  place  where,  in  spite  of  aU  love  of 
change  or  society,  ono  always  comes  back  as  the  dearest  and 
pleas-ntest  to  us,  whatever  may  be  its  disadvantages. 


HOME.  265 

It  is  -woman's  worlc  to  make  such  homes,  as  the  safeguard 
and  earthly  anchor  of  the  men  she  Ls  connected  with.  While 
the  family  abode  is  merely  an  uncomfortuble  place  of  runniug 
in  and  out  for  meals,  without  any  common  centre  or  general 
united  family  life,  they  will  bestow  themselves  and  their  time 
elsewhere,  and  too  often  not  innocently. 

The  forlorn  places  are  generally  where  there  is  no  mother, 
and  the  eldest  daughter  is  unequal  to  the  position  or  careless  of 
her  duty ;  but,  even  w^here  the  mother  is  living,  there  is 
dreariness  where  she  is  too  gay,  too  querulous,  or  too  indolent 
to  make  home  pleasant  enough  to  keep  her  children  from  flying 
off  in  all  directions,  dreading  nothing  so  much  as  domestic 
dreariness,  or  still  worse,  domestic  wrangling. 

To  make  a  really  happy  home  the  father  must  co-operate 
with  her.  If  he  is  thought  of  with  terror  for  his  temper,  or 
if  he  cannot  or  will  not  tolerate  his  children's  interruptions, 
there  will  be  less  peace  and  gladness,  but  still  the  mother  can 
keep  up  the  home  element  if  she  gather  the  children  round 
her,  keeping  him  and  his  requirements  foremost  in  her  own 
estimation  and  the  children's  Avith  the  dutifulncss  of  love. 

The  hardest  task  is,  however,  that  which  falls  to  a  widower's 
daughter,  who  has  been  left  too  young,  or  too  much  imprisoned 
in  the  schoolroom  to  begin  at  once  on  her  mother's  death  to  take 
her  place,  and  who  has  to  reconstruct  after  her  father  has 
learnt  to  despair  of  finding  happiness  in  the  family,  and  her 
brothers  have  acquired  rough,  careless  fashions  of  treating  their 
meeting-place.  In  fact  it  should  bo  the  great  endeavour  of 
any  person  who  is  put  in  charge  of  a  newly  motherless  house- 
hold to  help  the  eldest  girl  to  take  up  her  position  as  centre  from 
the  first,  and  to  infuse  into  her  the  sense  of  lesponsibility  as 
companion  to  her  father  and  sympathizer  with  the  boys,  so  as 
never  to  let  the  continiiity  of  home  be  lost.  Thero  was  a  story 
a  few  years  ago  in  the  Churchman's  Comjxmion  called  "Kegent 
Rosalind  "  which  showed,  much  better  than  any  discourse,  how 
a  sensible  and  motherly  girl  can  lino  again  the  shattered  nest 
of  her  home. 


266  WOMANKIND. 

The  wife  has  the  great  advantage  of  beginning  from  the  first 
Her  husband  has  married  her  to  make  a  home  for  him,  ami 
loolcs  to  her  as  the  brightness  and  joy  of  his  house,  and  hei 
children  are  one  by  one  born  into  it,  and  look  to  her  with 
a  natural  loving  instinct  which  can  only  be  thrown  away 
by  her  own  fault,  in  eiiher  neglecting  or  overdoing  her 
duties. 

To  her,  home-making  is  from  the  time  of  her  marriage  her 
paramount  earthly  duty,  and  as  long  as  husband,  sons,  and 
daughters  need  her,  all  other  good  works  and  even  extra 
indulgences  in  devotional  habits  must  be  kept  subordinate 
thereto.  It  is  not  so  essential  that  she  should  sit  on  ladies' 
committees,  preside  at  mothers'  meetings,  hear  lectures,  or  even 
attend  week-day  services,  as  that  she  should  prevent  her  husband 
and  sons  from  being  alienated  from  a  fireside  with  no  one  to 
groet  them,  or  her  girls  from  being  formed  by  stranger  hands. 

If  she  have  really  free  time,  or  can  make  it,  by  all  means 
let  her  so  use  it,  and  this  is  often  the  case,  but  always  as  an 
object  secondary  to  the  welfare  and  comfort  of  home.  What 
has  been  undertaken  when  there  were  no  children,  or  they  were 
smaller,  may  have  to  be  dropped  when  they  require  more 
attention.  Of  course  good  works  are  not  to  be  dropped  entirely; 
no  one  can  be  in  a  wholesome  state  who  does  not  live  in  the 
constant  exercise  of  deeds  of  love  to  the  poor,  and  the  children 
liave  to  be  trained  to  them,  but  the  charity  of  a  wife  and 
mother  is  truly  bound  to  begin  at  home. 

If  charity  has  to  be  made  secondary  to  home,  how  much  less 
there  is  to  be  said  for  gaiety  and  love  of  society.  IModerate 
variety,  pleasant  intercoursa  with  friends,  and  interchange  of 
visits  theie  should  be  in  most  cases  ;  but  when  there  is  a  shrink- 
ing from  the  dulness  or  disputatiousness  of  an  unbroken  evening, 
and  when  the  girls  are  often  left  all  the  evening  to  schoolroom 
undress,  and  the  boys  to  find  what  sport  they  can  among  the 
servants,  and  engagements  are  so  frequent  that  no  one  knows 
how  to  spend  a  day  without  company,  the  precious  homeseed 
has  been  thrown  away.     A  lady  who  makes  her  drawing-room 


HOMs.  267 

so  gorgeous  as  to  "be  only  fit  for  receptions,  drives  off  hi-r 
husband  as  effectually  as  the  poor  woman  who  receives  hers 
with  her  one  chamber  all  over  half-dried  linen  and  soap-suds. 

If  the  poor  woman  is  wise  and  energetic  she  will  have  hei 
work  done,  herself  and  her  room  tidy,  and  her  husband's  supper 
and  chair  readj'^  for  him,  and  if  the  rich  woman  be  equally 
rational,  she  will  leave  her  reception-rooms  for  the  days  when 
she  must  fill  them,  and  keep  a  cheery  family  apartment  for 
common  life  and  ease — where  a  shooting-coat  is  not  out  of  place, 
and  where  children  can  play  in  a  civilised  manner. 

From  the  palace  to  the  lodging-house,  the  great  essential 
of  home,  which  the  true  woman  will  create  as  surely  as  a  bird 
will  build  a  nest,  is  a  living  room  that  gives  a  sense  of  comfort, 
cheerfulness,  and  pleasantness.  The  cottage  kitchen,  tidied  up 
before  "  the  master  "  comes  home  from  work  often  fulfils  this 
office  to  perfection,  but  among  the  womankind  principally 
addressed  here,  it  is  the  drawing-room  that  generally  answers 
the  purpose,  or,  in  some  large  houses,  either  the  library  or  the 
morning-room. 

The  having  too  many  rooms  is,  however,  a  disadvantage  in 
home  feeling.  No  room  has  a  thorough  atmosphere  of  comfort 
that  is  not  lived  in  and  worked  in,  as  well  as  used  for  visitors 
and  for  the  evening  place  of  assembly.  There  is  sure  to  be  a 
stiffness  and  formality  about  it,  and  nothing  tliat  is  wanted  can 
be  found.  It  is  certainly  convenient  to  have  a  lOom  "  to  make 
a  mess  in  "  or  to  cairy  on  an  occupation  such  as  will  not  brook 
interruption  ;  but  if  everybody  is  away  in  boudoirs  and  morning- 
looms  from  breakfast  to  luncheon,  when  there  are  visitors,  and 
the  drawing-room  is  left  blinded  and  tenantless,  it  will  never  be 
comfortable,  and  when  guests  tie  down  the  denizens  into  sitting 
there,  they  are  all  stiff  and  dreary  together. 

When  the  wife  takes  possession  she  will  make  herself  and 
every  one  else  more  at  home  if  she  sits  in  it  for  her  morning 
avocations,  not  deserting  it  except  for  anything  unusually 
untidy,  Avhich  makes  a  litter  beyond  bounds.  Her  furniture 
has,  I  hope,  been  chosen  by  herself,  unless  it  be  inherited,  and 


268  wouAKKiiri). 

even  then  she  will  give  it  a  chr.racter  and  iucllvidualily. 
Architectural  furniture,  professionally  adapted  and  chosen, 
seems  to  nie  .^iinply  iitted  for  puppets,  not  for  livin,;:^  and  breath- 
ing men  and  women  who  connect  lliomselvcs  aud  their  histories 
with  their  surroundings. 

If  tlie  lady  of  the  house  is  silting  there  with  her  *boo1c,  work 
or  letters,  she  will  get  on  much  moro  comfortably  with  the 
callers  than  if  they  have  been  shown  into  a  flapping  blind  or  a 
dull  fire,  to  glance  at  the  prim  circle  of  weddicg  presents  on 
the  table  till  she  is  fetched  dovrn  to  them.  If  her  furniture 
does  lose  its  first  gloss  a  little  sooner,  ifc  is  more  comfortable 
for  all  partii:S.  Everything  brand  new  together  is  frying. 
Freshness  is  a  different  thing  from  newness.  The  husband  will 
be  sure  to  like  better  to  find  Lis  wife  ever  ready  for  him  in  her 
drawing-room  than  to  have  to  hunt  her  from  up  stniis  whenever 
he  wants  her.  And  when  the  children  come,  the  drawing- 
room  should  be  a  place  of  honour  and  enjoyment  to  them,  but 
of  self-restraint  enough  to  make  them  "  behave  themselves 
discreetly."  The  furniture  need  not  be  sacrificed  to  them  nor 
they  to-  the  furniture.  A  child  can  learn  often  before  it  can 
walk  what  may  be  touched  and  what  may  not ;  and  there  can  be 
always  extra  toys  and  books  produced  in  the  drawing-room 
alone  which  render  the  time  spent  there  a  pleasure  as  well  as 
a  privilege,  which  should  be  ended  on  any  misbehaviour.  Self- 
restraint  and  domestic  courtesy  are  two  great  elements  in  home 
joy,  and  these,  to  be  consistent  with  ease  and  freedom,  must  be 
acquired  from  the  first.  Therefore,  rudeness,  bolsterousness, 
quarrelling,  and  ill-temper  should  be  met  by  instant  expulsion, 
and  so  should  all  ill  manners,  whether  shyness  or  forwardness. 
Children  should  be  warned  that  if  they  will  not  behave 
properly  to  visitors  they  must  not  stay  in  the  room,  and  the 
personal  remarks  of  the  enfant  terrible  should  be  demolished 
as  improper,  and  never  so  repeated  or  laughed  at  that  he  can 
learn  to  take  a  pride  in  them. 

Of  course  it  is  better  that  young  chihlren  should  be  only  for 
a  short  time  every  day  under  the  constraint  of  drawing-room 


Eo^iE.  2G9 

life.  The  garden  anrl  nnrsery  are  the  place  where  their  limbs 
and  their  voices  should  have  free  play  and  full  enjoyment,  but 
an  increasing  length  of  time  of  quiet  civilized  life  and  superior 
society  is  needed  as  they  grow  older. 

No  time  for  this  is  better  than  that  of  meals.  The  most 
homelike  families  are  Ihose  where  the  meals  are  taken  together, 
and  the  children  after  learning  to  comport  themselves  properly 
share  in  the  conversation  merrily,  but  like  reasonable  creature?, 
and  can  listen  as  well  as  talk.  Most  mothei-s  do  have  their 
children  to  make  their  early  dinner  at  luncheon  time,  and 
bring  the  lesser  ones  down  for  the  subsequent  hour  to  play  in 
the  drawing-room.  The  other  meals  are  too  late  for  them,  and 
since  dinners  have  come  to  be  so  very  late,  they  have  destroyed 
the  faiuDy  evening.  The  mother  can  have  the  children  with 
her  till  the  bedtime  of  the  very  little  ones,  but  the  elder  ones 
have  to  return  to  the  schoolroom  while  she  goes  down  to  dinner, 
and  have  veiy  little  chance  of  seeing  their  father. 

The  families  certainly  seem  the  most  thoroughly  homelike 
and  comfortable  where  the  family  breakfast  is  early  enough  for 
the  children  to  join  in  it,  where  the  dinner  is  early,  and  the 
evening  meal  "high  tea."  It  is  not  always  practicable,  when 
the  master  of  the  house  is  out  all  day,  though  some  busy  fathers? 
prefer  calHng  their  evening  meal  lea,  that  they  may  not  be 
entirely  cat  olf  from  all  social  life  with  their  children. 

Most  men  have,  however,  such  a  rooted  dislilce  to  the  system, 
that,  as  the  comfort  of  the  husband  must  be  the  wife's  fir>t 
object,  she  cannot  introduce  it.  Some  ladies  too,  and  a  great 
many  schoolboys,  arc  absurd  enough  to  imagino  early  dinners 
unaristocratic.  Where  the  custom  is  established,  the  mother 
will  indeed  hardly  be  able  to  carry  it  on,  unless  she  can  make 
her  gentlemen  confess  that  the  eatables  are  quite  as  good  and 
agreeable  as  if  they  had  come  in  regular  courses. 

When  "late"  dinners  were  at  what  we  noAv  view  as  the 
barbarous  hour  of  five  or  six,  lliey  did  not  break  up  home  half 
so  much,  as  they  left  an  hour  or  two  f>-ir  the  children  to  come 
down  and  amuse  themselves  quietly  under  their  parents'  eyes, 


270  ■w^o:irANKiND. 

bo  played  with  by  their  father,  show  him  their  performatices,  or 
p'rhaps  be  read  to  by  him. 

Nothing  so  binds  a  party  together  as  some  employment  and 
interest  ia  common,  with  which  memories  get  associated,  and 
round  which  hang  family  sayings  and  family  jokes  remembered 
long  after.  Thus,  readings,  music,  and  games  are  excellent 
means  of  gathering  and  keeping  together  the  whole  set  in  a  way 
that  is  much  safer  and  better  for  growing  young  people  than 
when  they  retreat  in  parties  of  twos  and  threes  to  chatter  in 
nooks  in  the  schoolroom  or  smoking-room.  Except  on  those 
long  summer  evenings  when  the  twilight  garden  is  full  of 
charms,  all  the  young  people  should  be  considered  as  "  due  "  in 
the  evening ;  but  not  for  dulness  or  vacancy.  There  should 
always  be  something  pleasing  in  hand  for  them,  in  which  each 
has  some  place,  so  that  they  would  miss  each  other,  and  feel 
unwilling  to  make  a  gap. 

Of  course  there  are  interruptions  and  breaks,  from  calls 
without  and  duties  to  friends  and  society.  The  best  friends 
are  those  who  amalgamate  with  the  home  life,  and  love  it,  and 
indeed  it  is  a  great  mistake  to  treat  guests  as  "  company,"  and 
give  up  all  occupations  for  the  sake  of  entertaining  them.  But 
the  home  is  a  happy  one  where,  though  there  may  be  plenty  of 
fresh  taste  for  society  and  amusement,  they  are  enjoyed  as 
variety,  not  as  a  relief,  and  the  great  delight  is  in  the  eager 
rehearsal  of  all  that  has  been  seen  or  done.  Indeed  such  homes 
are  rather  apt  to  breed  a  spirit  of  family  exclusiveness,  which 
has  not  much  toleration  for  outsiders,  and  is  slow  to  admit 
them  ]  growls  at  interruptions,  and  contemns  all  that  is  unlike 
the  circle  at  home. 

There  is  not  much  of  this  narrowness  left  now.  Perhaps  it 
was  a  better  extreme  than  that  which  at  present  makes  youn<T 
ladies  be  found  anywhere  but  at  home,  and  prompts  them  to 
pour  into  any  ear  they  suppose  confidential,  the  wrongs  and 
errors  of  their  disobedient  parents,  and  all  that  they  have  to 
tolerate  and  endure — till  they  can  almost  tliink  themselves 
persecuted !     They  would  not  after  all  bo  like  this  if  home  had 


HOMK  271 

been  home  to  tlicm,  and  if  their  father  and  mother  had  not  let 
them  get  out  of  their  hands  for  want  of  cherishing,  fostering, 
and  training  in  tlieir  own  mould. 

The  sons,  who  only  come  home  periodically,  need  the  influence 
even  more.  But  the  way  to  make  their  home  a  true  anchor  for 
their  hearts  is  not  to  let  the  holidays  be  an  orgie  of  indulgence, 
rioC,  and  discourtesy ;  hut  to  accept  the  boys  as  reasonable 
creatures,  returning  to  their  old  places  in  a  loving  home,  and 
give  as  well  as  receive  affection  and  sympathy. 

Toleration  of  bad  or  selfish  habits,  or  the  sacrifice  of  one 
part  of  a  family  to  another  does  not  tend  to  make  a  home 
enjoyable.  Willing  «e//-sacrifice  does,  but  not  the  immolation 
of  other  people.  There  must  be  justice,  and  everyone  must 
have  his  or  her  due  place  and  security  of  rights  ;  each  ought  to 
be  a  part  of  the  machine  with  a  sense  of  usefulnesss,  and  thus 
it  is  well  very  early  to  assign  little  offif-es  to  growing  girls, 
which  become  charges  and  duties,  such  as  giving  out  stores, 
arranging  flowers,  feeding  pets,  or  even  stamping  letters,  or 
finding  and  posting  newspapers  sent  on  to  friend,  hospital,  or 
missionary.^  Anything  that  takes  them  out  of  being  mere 
schoolroom  machines,  and  makes  them  members  of  the  house- 
hold is  valuable. 

But  after  all  thci^e  are  only  external  details.  I^o thing  will 
really  make  a  home  but  keeping  the  first  and  great  command- 
ment, and  the  second,  which  is  like  unto  it.  These  alone  can 
make  happy  homes  of  peace,  and  of  innocent  mirth,  precious 
in  thought  to  the  very  last  breath. 

The  women  who  come  from  such  homes  make  others ;  not 
only  in  the  full  perfection  of  a  family,  but  true  women  will 
make  a  home  of  the  rooms  they  live  in — perhaps  as  a  party  of 
sisters,  the  remnants  of  a  faiuily,  who  gather  round  either  the 
eldest  or  the  strongest,  and  make  their  abode — albeit  smaller 
and  poorer — seem  that  of  their  childhood  still,  "a  household 

'  A  very  great  act  of  kindness,  especially  with  weekly  papers,  such  as 
the  Guardian  or  IllustraUd  London  News,  only  they  ouust  be  S'jut  witliin 
the  week  if  to  go  abroad,  or  they  are  stopped. 


272  WOMANKIND 

nook,  the  haunt  of  all  afTections  pure,"  and  often  a  haven  to 
young  people  who  have  no  other  sympathetic  resting-place. 

"Where  such  a  homelike  nest  is  open  to  young  men  whose 
profession  keeps  them  at  a  distance  from  their  kindred,  the 
effect  is  often  to  preserve  them  from  many  temptation?,  and 
save  them  from  being  hardened  for  want  of  some  safe  place 
where  to  spend  leisure  moments. 

A  bright  fire,  or  cheery  window  with  flowers  at  hand,  easy 
chairs  for  the  weary,  and  an  air  at  once  of  calm  and  of  the 
freshness  of  occupation,  the  pervading  sense  of  kindliness  and 
refinement, — these  constitute  no  small  charm  to  those  who  are 
roughing  it  among  men  and  to  business  men,  and  though  the 
instant  love  sets  in,  they  will  follow  it  away  from  the  old  friend, 
still,  as  long  as  it  does  not  come,  they  will  often  be  thankful  for 
a  resort  where  no  "  intentions"  can  be  suspected. 

Even  the  solitary  woman  will  make  her  sitting-room  homelike 
and  enjoyable  ;  alone,  she  will  people  it  with  shadows  like  those 
in  I.ongfell-ow's  poem,  and  she  will  be  ever  ready  to  welcome 
those  who  come  to  rest  and  refresh  themselves  in  the  calm  that 
her  quiet  dwelling  makes,  when  their  own  are  full  of  the  cares 
and  joys  of  life  ;  or  the  lonely  will  seek  to  her  f()r  relief.  And 
she  Avill  listen  to  each  in  turn,  and  oj)en  her  stores  of  sympathy 
for  those  who  rejoice  and  those  who  weep,  and  yet  it  is  not 
change  or  variety  she  seeks  or  needs,  for  she  is  never  happier 
than  when  alone. 

With  her  the  long  absent  brother  or  son,  returning  to  find 
the  old  household  broken  up,  and  scarce  a  relic  remaining,  in  a 
new  room,  and  strange  place  will  still  cry — 

'*  It's  home,  an'  it's  home,  an'  it's  liome." 

For  the  old  aroma  wUl  be  there.  Yes,  home  is  sweet  homo  j 
and  yet 

"E'en  here  may  lurk  a  snare." 

The  exclusiveness  mentioned  above  is  of  no  great  importance. 
It  is  only  a  form  of  loyalty,  and  though  sometimes  it  makea 


HOME.  Z  /  i 

young  people  farovcJi,?,  sometimes  conceited,  for  a  time,  it  ia 
quite  certain  to  rub  off  in  a  few  years,  and  those  who  have  it 
are  less  lilcely  tluu  otLers  to  stray  into  such  foil}'  as  silly  lovo 
affairs. 

Idolatry  of  home  is  more  a  temptation  to  the  parents  than 
the  children,  for  in  fact  it  is  the  parents'  nest,  and  their  reign 
in  it  is  the  choicest  time  in  their  lives.  They  have  made  it, 
and  are  ruling  it,  as  nearly  as  they  can,  up  to  their  ideal,  and  it 
costs  them  a  pang  "whenever  a  nestling  thinks  of  flying,  or 
dares  to  think  that  any  perch  beyond  has  a  more  extended  view. 

That  sons  should  go  out  into  the  -world,  and  daughters 
marry,  parents  know  is  in  the  common  course  of  things.  They 
do  not  murmur  at  that — unless  they  are  exceptionally  foolish 
or  selfish — though  the  match-making  mother  is  far  less  common 
in  real  life  than  in  hooks  j  but  it  is  their  nature  to  glory  in 
seeing  their  daughters  happy  wives,  and  only  a  father  here  and 
there  indulges  an  absolutely  morbid  and  sellish  dread  of  losing 
his  daughter  from  his  side. 

But  Avhen  it  is  not  marriage,  but  something  higher  that 
claims  the  children,  the  solemn  ■words  of  our  Lord  as  to  the 
renunciation  of  homo  delights  have  to  he  considered  and 
duly  weighed  both  by  parents  and  children.  False  vocations 
and  mere  restless  fancica  should  indeed  be  combated,  and  time 
and  reflection  should  bo  insisted  on,  but  fathers  and  mothers 
should  bear  in  mind  that  it  is  an  awful  responsibility  to  insist 
on  son  or  daughter  serving  the  world  and  themselves  instead  of 
embracing  the  direct  service  of  God.  The  young  people  may 
be  sure  that  disobedience  will  never  be  blest  and  must  submit; 
but  the  parents  will  find  that  after  the  repression  (if  it  has 
been  selfish  or  ill-ju'lged)  the  riome  they  valued  will  never  be 
the  same  again.  Clerical  duties  and  calls  stand  above  other 
claims.  It  is  home  idolatry  that  would  tie  a  clergyman  down 
to  the  neighbourhood  of  his  parents  when  he  is  summoned  to 
harder  or  higher  work  elsewhere ;  it  is  home  idolatry  dill  more 
■which  insists  on  his  conforming  to  hours  and  family  traditions 
that  interfere  with  his  work. 

T 


274  WOMANKIND. 

Ilome  is  a  treasure.  Its  training  is  precious.  Its  value  is 
immense  both  to  the  young  and  to  the  busy,  harassed  man,  who 
can  do  battle  with  a  full  spirit,  refreshed  and  supported,  if 
he  have  a  home  to  strengthen  and  enliven  him,  where  his 
cares  are  laid  aside  as  reposed  on  his  wife ;  and  yet  it  is  but 
a  step. 

*'  Sweet  is  the  smile  of  home,  the  mutual  look. 

When  hearts  are  of  each  other  sure, 
Sweet  all  the  jo3's  that  crown  the  household  nool:. 

The  haunt  of  all  alTections  pure  ; 
Yet  in  the  world  even  these  abide,  and  we 

Above  the  world  our  calling  boast, 
Once  gain  the  mountain-top  and  thou  art  free  ; 
Till  then,  who  rest,  ine.^ume. 

Who  tui'u  to  look  are  lost." 


CHAPTER  XXXL 

THE    WORLD. 


"  I  RENOUNCE  the  pomps  and  vanity  of  this  wiclced  world.** 
"We  ask  our  little  children  what  this  means,  and  the  young 
lips  make  answer  that  it  is  the  fine  and  gay  things  of  this  earth  ; 
and  if  the  young  brains  reflect  at  all,  they  decide  that  these 
pomps  and  vanities  are  whatever  is  finer  than  they  possess  them- 
selves, and  that  is  pos=;essed  by  some  one  whom  they  do  not  like. 
Happily  for  them,  at  their  age  they  have  a  great  deal  too  much 
faith  in  father  and  mother  ever  to  suspect  that  the  pains  taken 
that  they  may  look  nicer  than  Mrs.  So-and-So's  children  may 
have  something  to  do  with  the  vanity  of  this  wicked  world  f 

Happily  !  Yes,  faith  in  parents  is  happiness.  And  yet  is 
not  that  faith  abused  when  they  hear  mamma  triumph  in  their 
dress  having  excelled  everybody  else's,  and  in  their  complacency 
gaze  round  the  church  and  plume  themselves  on  iho  results  of 


THE    WORLD.  275 

the  comparison,  or  set  their  small  hearts  on  some  hit  of  finery] 
And  mamma  would  open  her  eyes  with  amazement  if  she  were 
blamed.  She  would  say  a  little  girl's  pleasure  in  dress  was 
natural  and  harmless,  and  that  it  is  her  own  duty  to  make  her 
children  nice.  She  could  not  hear  not  to  have  them  nicer  than 
other  people's. 

Ah  !  there's  the  rub !  ^icer  than  other  people's.  It  is  the 
rivalry  that  brings  in  the  world  here. 

And  yet  again,  the  world  is  so  mixed  with  the  claims  of  duty 
and  affection,  that  it  is  almost  impossible  to  tell  when  we  are 
duiiig  our  duty,  or  when  we  are  being  led  by  the  world.  I  am 
very  much  afraid  that  a  large  proportion  of  fairly  good  and 
religious  people,  if  suddenly  told  that  they  had  renounced  the 
^vorld,  would  reply  that  they  had  done  no  such  thing,  and 
would  tacitly  confess  it  to  be  impossible  without  going  into  a 
convent. 

As  to  not  being  conformed  to  this  world,  if  the  words  were 
quoted  to  them,  they  would  say,  "  0  that — "  and  there  break 
otf,  and  look  for  an  answer,  not  exactly  liking  to  dispute  it  and 
to  express  in  words  what  is  conveyed  in  their  tone — "  that  might 
apply  to  the  Romans  in  St.  Paul's  time,  but  it  can't  be  meant 
for  us,  and  only  an  unreasonable  person  would  press  it.  Besides, 
arc  there  not  extremes  to  which  we  never  went,  nor  had  the 
opportunity  of  going?  "\Ve  never  bought  300-guinea  shawls,  nor 
sets  of  diamonds,  never  gambled,  never  went  to  three  parties  a 
night,  never  committi-d  f;:iy  of  the  sins  we  had  no  mind  to. 
Pashiunable  people,  who  have  very  gay  seasons,  are  conformed 
to  the  world,  we  are  not." 

Nay,  but  why  does  our  friend  the  defendant  wear  such  a  mass 
of  false  braids  on  her  head  ?  Because  she  must  be  like  other 
people.  Why  has  she  a  poor  helpless  cheap  governess  for  her 
girls  instead  of  giving  them  a  thorough  education  1  Because  it 
is  necessary  to  keep  up  appearances,  and  be  like  other  people. 
Why  does  she  dress  her  children  in  unnecessary  feathers  and 
ribbons,  and  give  the  smallest  sums  her  position  demands  to 
palish  charities'?    Because  she  must  be  like  other  people.    Why 

T  2 


276  WOMANKIND. 

docs  she  encourage  that  disreputable  young  man  atout  the  house, 
among  her  growing  daughters  ?  Because  he  is  an  Honourtible, 
or,  may  "he,  "because  he  is  heir  to  a  fortune.  Nay,  why  does  she 
make  much  of  that  cross  old  lady  1  Because  she  is  a  baronct'a 
daughter  or  a  kniglit's  widow,  and  it  is  gratifying  to  be  intimate 
with  her. 

The  world's  conscience  is  on  a  sliding  scale,  shifting  with 
public  opinion.  Sometimes,  when  "  religion  walks  in  his  silver 
slippers,"  it  demands  a  very  large  amount  of  religious  observance 
and  expemliture,  and  is  rigidly  hard  in  exacting  propriety  of 
coniluct.  But  at  other  times  this  same  conscience  tolerates  vice, 
cruelty,  dishonesty  of  all  kinds  !  And  it  is  in  reality  so  difficult 
and  unusual  to  have  an  original  conscience  that  Bishop  Wilson 
may  well  bid  us  pray  to  be  delivered  from  the  "  vices  of  the  age 
and  pLice  we  live  in." 

And  this  conscience  of  the  world's  not  only  varies  with  periods 
of  time,  but  with  classes  in  society.  High  life  has  a  diffeient 
code  from  the  middle  classc.-',  and  they  again  from  the  poor — 
nay,  each  parish,  each  family  has  its  own  public  opinion.  ^Nor 
is  there  anything  against  which  this  conscience  of  the  world 
bears  a  more  tyrannous  hate  than  the  rare  oiiginal  conscience. 
It  is  dreadfully  scandalized  at  the  presumption  of  setting  up  to 
think  for  oneself,  and  avoid  practices  good  enough  for  one's 
neighbours.  Ever  since  Abel's  sacrifice  was  accepted  such  dif- 
ferences have  been  intolerable,  and  must  be  put  down  till — till 
they  are  found  to  be  too  strong  to  be  quashed,  and  then  to  be 
reputable  and  satisfactory,  whereupon  the  world  adapts  them, 
and  does  its  best  to  corrupt  and  poison  them. 

The  world  is,  I  supi)Ose,  the  most  present  and  subtle 
tempter  of  the  respectable  and  good.  It  has  worked  up  a  set 
of  duties,  which  it  ready  is  so  impossible  to  disentangle  from 
the  duties  of  one's  station,  that  one  scarcely  wonders  at  those 
who  gave  up  the  whole  effort,  and  tied  to  convents,  or, 
finding  that  there  could  be  a  world  there,  retreated  to 
solitudes. 

For  to  ourselves  we  can  make  a  world  out  of  the  presence  of 


TnE  WORLD.  277 

the  "best  and  holiest  if  we  act  for  his  pr  lise,  and  show  off  for 
his  approval,  rather  than  with  thought  of  God  alone, 

"VVhea  our  Lord  spake  His  sermon  on  the  Mount,  He  stormed 
the  world  in  its  citadeL  And  what  do  we  do  with  that  sermon  1 
"We  praise  it,  we  think  we  love  it ;  but  whenever  a  phrase  is 
brought  hoiue  to  us,  we  say  it  is  aa  Orientalism ;  and  one  of  the 
great  endeavours  of  oar  lives  is  to  prove  that  serving  Mammon 
is  the  way  to  serve  God. 

But  what  is  to  he  done  1  We  are  horn  into  families.  "Wo 
have  to  take  our  place,  and  fulfd  our  duties  in  them.  There  is 
no  condemnation  of  ordinary  social  life;  but  the  rules  given  in 
the  New  Testament  imply  the  existence  of  society,  and  the 
division  of  classes.  In  what  sense  then  are  we  to  make  "  I 
renounce  the  Avorld  "  a  truth  instead  of  a  mockery,  and  to  be 
really  "  iti  and  not  of  the  world,"  a  saying  quoted  by  so 
many,  without  considering  what  it  means. 

First  let  us  see  what  are  the  principal  branches  of  tho  world's 
temptations.  Perhaps  they  are  to  be  defined  by  the  baptismal 
vuw,  *'  the  vain  pomp  and  glory  of  the  world,  with  all  covetous 
desires  of  the  srame,  so  tliat  thou  wilt  not  follow  nor  be  led  by 
thum."  Sometin\es  it  may  be  feared  tho  very  choice  of  the 
sponsor  who  utters  the  vow  proves  that  the  parents  are  following 
and  being  led  by  them. 

The  vain  pomp  may  be  taken  to  mean  all  matters  connected 
with  display  of  any  kind ;  the  glory  to  mean  fame,  honour,  and 
opinion,  and  the  covetous  desires,  all  seeking  for  wealth,  rank, 
or  station. 

Display  then  begins  with  the  child.  Vanity  in  dress  is  the 
Grst  temptation  to  most  girl'^,  and  even  when  they  are  exempt 
from  it  as  children  their  mothers  have  it  for  them.  Exultation 
in  their  beauty  is  a  loving  motherly  instinct,  but  it  would  be 
well  if  this  were  all.  INIrs.  Gilbert  had  the  good  taste  to  say 
that  the  prettiiiess  of  little  children  was  be.^t  seen  in  the  simplest 
of  dress ;  and  the  real  sense  of  mankind  agrees  with  this,  for 
what  raptures  there  are  over  a  tiny  child  in  its  little  petti- 
coat I     The  velvet  frocks,  broad  saslie?,  delicate  lace,  the  fashions 


278  WOMANKIND. 

ridiculously  imitating  grown-up  people,  are  sometimes  only  bad 
taste,  and  tliat  form  of  afFt-ction  which  shows  itseJf  in  giving  its 
darling  the  best  and  most  costly  j  but  too  oftea  there  is  really 
worldly  display  in  them,  and  pride  in  sending  out  the  child  on 
the  public  walk  to  eclipse  as  many  others  as  possible  with  its 
finery,  or  at  any  rate  not  to  be  pitied,  scorned,  and  wondered  at 
for  its  simplicity. 

When  a  child  is  dressed  cumbrously  or  unhealthily  because  it 
is  the  fashion,  or  so  expensively  that  more  needful  outlay,  or 
charities,  are  sacrificed  to  it,  Ihcre  is  vain  pomp  in  its  attire. 
And  when,  it  knows  it  is  got  up  to  be  admii'ed,  and  is  encouraged 
to  be  pleased  with  the  exhibition,  seeds  of  mischief  are  sown 
for  ever.  There  is  a  natural  pleasure  in  a  pretty  thing ;  but 
that  should  be  kept  apart  from  the  desire  to  be  admired  in  it, 
or  because  of  it.  Nobody  ever  should  admire  a  child  or  its 
clothes  before  its  face.  If  a  mother  is  wise  and  sensible,  she  is 
only  distressed  at  such  food  for  vanity  being  administered  ;  if 
she  is  otherwise,  we  need  not  add  to  the  child's  vanity.  Sunday 
freshness  and  constant  neatness  should  alone  be  impressed  on 
the  child  for  whom  we  have  renounced  vain  pomp. 

Again,  it  is  said  that  in  places  where  young  ladies'  schools 
abound,  the  style  of  dress  is  kept  up  to  an  expensive  pitch  by 
the  rivalry — not  only  of  girl  with  girl  in  the  same  school,  but 
of  school  with  school  as  they  pass  one  another  in  their  walks, 
or  see  one  another  at  church  ;  and  yet  some  of  these  schools  at 
least  teach  the  catechism.  The  French  pensionnaires  uniform 
would  be  far  better  than  this,  or  at  least  some  rule  that  the  dress 
should  not  go  beyond  a  certain  style.  But  people  are  not  in  the 
habit  of  thinking  a  giiTs  vanities  wrong — unless  they  are  ofTen- 
sively  visible,  or  oifend  one  of  the  world's  tender  points,  its 
purse. 

The  bofiks  she  reads,  even  the  better  sort,  do  all  they  can  to 
encourage  these  same  vanities  by  their  descriptions  of  **  fairy 
figures,"  "  golden  curls,"  "  violet  eyes,"  unconscious  attitudes 
that  entrance  some  beholder,  dresses  which  the  writer  has  dwelt 
on  con  amove,  grand  houses,  and  little  lords  and  ladies,  all  so 


THE   WORLD.  279 

airanged  as,  in  spite  of  the  supposed  moral,  to  make  beauty, 
dress,  and  rank  appear  the  sumnum  bonnm. 

Probably  most  little  girls  do  indulge  in  the  dream  of  how 
delightful  it  would  be  to  find  oneself  Lady  Edith  or  Lady  Alice  ; 
but  it  is  well  if  they  have  a  strong  interior  consciousness  ot 
their  own  folly  in  wisliing  it,  and  are  not  maintained  in  the 
belief  by  observing  mamma's  pride  in  a  titled  guest  or  any 
connection  with  the  nobility. 

Yvt  ranks  are  to  be  acknowledged  and  treated  with  their  right 
amount  of  respect,  whatever  it  be,  that  the  society  of  the  time 
imposes.  All  outward  tokens  of  courtesy  that  are  the  due  of 
persons  of  rank  ought  to  be  paid  ;  but  when  they  overpass  that 
just  due,  and  the  desire  of  intimacy  or  profit  influence  our 
attentions,  tlien  begins  servility,  and  the  world  again  is  "  telling 
on  us." 

So  when  we  are  led  by  example  or  habits  of  society  into 
what  simple  sense  of  right  forbids,  is  not  this  the  world  once 
more  ?  Those  untruths  which  pass  as  a  mere  habit ;  those 
questionable  amusements  which  we  permit  ourselves  or  our 
families ;  those  omissions  of  devotional  observances,  or  practices 
lest  somebody  should  be  offended,  because  we  don't  set  up  to  be 
better  than  our  neighbours,  or  lest  we  should  seem  to  censure 
somebody  else — what  are  these  but  snares  of  the  world  1 

And  the  difficulty  is  terrible,  for  some  of  these  things  are 
recommended  by  our  elders,  or  by  those  we  respect — nay,  they 
are  sometimes  enjoined  as  matters  of  obedience  ;  and  they  blind 
the  eyes  and  blunt  the  conscience,  so  that  those  who  were 
dragged  into  such  customs  against  their  clearer  sense  in  early 
youth  have,  by  the  time  they  are  free  to  act  for  themselves, 
become  habituated  to  them  as  second  nature. 

When  thoughtful  young  people  or  simple  children  startle  us 
by  some  question,  "  Why,  is  this  right  1 "  it  is  a  terrible  respon- 
sibility to  set  to  work  with  specious  arguments  to  prove 
ingenuous  first  impressions  mistaken,  "  very  good  in  the  deal 
child,"  but  1o  be  got  over. 

The  people  whom  general  consent  calls  worldly  are  only  those 


280  WOMANKIND. 

whose  pursuit  of  ranlf  and  wealth  or  position  is  too  evident, 
and  perhaps  too  successful  to  please  their  iieighhours.  One 
may  he  quite  as  periJously  worldly  Avhen  one's  sole  purpose  is 
just  to  Lad  a  comfortabie  life,  standing  well  with  society,  and 
falling  neither  ahovt  noi  below  its  standard.  If  we  must  needs 
have  champagne  and  ice  at  oui  dinnei-panies  because  some  one 
else  has,  and  we  caimot  be  outdone,  though  we  cannot  properly 
afford  the  style  these  involve,  can  we  be  forsaking  pomps  and 
vanities ?  If  we  pine  for  a  catriage,  not  as  a  convenience,  but 
as  a  badge  of  grandeur,  what  then?  Or  to  ascend  a  little  in  the 
scale  :  is  there  any  tmtli  in  the  allegations  that  ladies  persuade 
their  husbands  to  go  into  Parliament,  not  for  any  desire  or  com- 
l)rehension  of  their  duty  to  the  country,  but  simply  to  gratify 
their  own  vanity,  to  enjoy  the  honour  of  the  thing  in  the 
country,  and  to  have  a  house  in  London  ?  Does  no  clergyman's 
wife  ever  give  her  weight  to  tlie  scale  of  self-interest  rather 
than  duty,  and  dr.iad  otlendiiig  a  patMn  or  a  rich  parishioner] 
And  Avhen  "  good  introductions  "  are  talked  of,  do  they  not 
generally  mean  what  will  lead  to  society  of  rank  and  wealth  ] 

The  vain  pomp  and  glory  of  the  world  are  closely  linked 
with  the  covetous  desires  of  the  same.  Geneially,  indeed,  they 
are  a  sort  of  flower  or  blossom  of  we'alth — the  very  means  of 
displaying  it ;  as  when  display  is  thought  to  win  confidence  and 
attract  notice,  or  when  daughters  are  dressed  and  sent  into 
public  to  attract  suitors.  To  enjoy  luxury  and  make  a  display 
is  perhaps  the  usual  English  notion  of  wealth.  Witness  the 
workpeople,  Avhose  first  strige  above  spending  their  earnings  in 
drink,  is  to  lay  them  out  on  finery  and  furniture,  while  the 
French  of  the  same  class  never  increase  their  material  comforts, 
but  love  to  hoard. 

The  view  of  the  necessities  of  each  station  does  differ  a  good 
de  d  in  the  two  countries  :  whether  for  the  better  or  the  worse  may 
be  doubtful.  Comfort  and  cleanliness  are  so  much  more  valued 
in  England,  that  they  require  a  different  amount  of  labour 
and  expense;  and  whether  it  be  bid  taste  or  frankness 
most   English  people   value  wealth  more  lor  what  it  gives  in 


TUE    WOULD.  281 

distinction,  luxury,  amusement,  and  ornament,  than  for  the 
sense  of  possession.  Public  opinion  is  against  what  it  calls 
covetousness  or  avarice.  It  expects  that  a  show  should  be 
made  for  money,  and  is  altogether  averse  to  any  stinting, 
being  entirely  of  the  opinion  expressed  in  the  49th  Psalm  : 
"  So  long  as  thou  doest  well  unto  thyself,  men  will  speak  good 
of  thee."  Indeed,  it  will  praise  a  considerable  amount  of 
liberality,  provided  it  costs  no  self-denial  and  is  no  rebuke  to 
any  one  else,  when  blame,  in  the  most  sensible,  regretful  voice,  is 
uttered. 

How  to  have  an  unworldly  conscience  in  this  matter  of 
covetousness  is  another  difficutly.  Views  on  the  matter  change 
with  life.  Young  people,  who  have  never  felt  care,  cannot 
imagine  themselves  growing  anxious  and  saving  in  their  age, 
and,  without  realizing  what  they  mean,  will  sometimes  declare 
that  affection  is  everything,  and  they  do  not  care  for  riches,  and 
sometimes  will  long  for  large  estates,  with  castles,  horses,  jewels, 
power  of  travelling,  &c.  Their  mothers  have  perhaps  only 
learnt  Avhat  money  means  after  their  marriage,  and,  while 
striving  on  themselves,  among  anxieties  present  and  future, 
cherish  wishes  that  their  girls  may  "  marry  well ; "  i.e.  richly, 
and  begin  to  forget  the  dreams  of  their  own  youth,  or  to 
dissuade  husband  or  son  from  the  higher,  purer  course.  Or, 
may  be,  let  their  minds  dwell  on  the  advantages  of  wealth  till 
speculation,  or  even  more  doubtful  means,  are  tried.  Duty  to 
one's  family  is  indeed  duty,  but  it  is  very,  veiy  hard  to  disen- 
tangle it  from  the  claims  of  this  world.  No  wonder  St. 
James  makes  one-half  of  pure  religion  to  consist  of  keeping 
oneself  unspotted  from  the  world  ! 

How  is  it  possible  to  keep  from  following  the  drift  1  Two  or 
three  books  have  been  written  lately  to  startle  us,  by  showing 
that  the  true  likeness  to  Christ  is  absolutely  impossible  in  the 
modern  world,  or  can  lead  to  nothing  but  martyrdom.  But 
they  beg  the  question.  Their  ideals  are  made  to  do  what  their 
Example  would  not  have  done  in  their  place  ;  i.e.,  the  school- 
boy who  refuses  at  the  command  of  his  master  to  mention  the 


282  WOMANKIND. 

name  of  a  Greek  god  entirely  forgetting  that  he  wa?  trying  to 
resemble  One  Who  ^vas  obedient.  Again,  we  are  told  no  one 
can  be  sincere  who  does  not  lay  down  all  his  goods,  like  the  first 
Ciiristians  at  Jerusalem  ;  but  when  we  look  into  the  matter,  we 
find  that  this  was  only  done  by  the  first  Christians  at  Jerusalem 
in  their  new  fervour.  It  was  enjoined  on  no  one,  save  on  the 
young  ruler,  who  no  doubt  was  seen  by  tlie  All-seeing  Eye  to 
need  that  crucial  test,  "  if  he  would  be  'perfect'^  Indeed,  it 
looks  much  as  if  the  fall  of  Ananias  and  Sapphira  had  shown 
the  Apostles  that  ordinary  characters  could  not  be  safely  sub- 
jected to  the  test ;  and  both  in  the  Gentile  churches,  and  in  the 
Jewish,  in  the  time  of  St.  James,  people  evidently  retained 
their  possessions,  and  yet  "the  world"  is  ever  as  much  our 
enemy  as  Satan  himself ;  and  as  our  blessed  Lord  had  to  en- 
counter its  allurements  after  He  had  overcome  the  desires  of  the 
flesh,  so  its  temptations  lie  ready  for  those  to  whom  the  common 
sensual  pleasures  have  little  attraction ;  and  to  others  it  gilds 
their  baseness  and  grossness.  The  world  infused  itself  into  the 
Church  even  in  the  times  of  persecution  ;  how  much  more  when 
there  was  no  danger  to  sift  out  the  half-hearted,  and  when 
nothing  was  to  be  lost,  but  a  good  deal  gained,  by  keeping  at  a 
certain  level  of  religious  profession  1 

The  practical  question  seems  to  be  how  to  keep  the  world 
out  of  our  conscience,  so  as  neither 

"  For  pleasure,  wealth,  or  power, 
Our  lieaven-bought  soul  to  sell," 

and  to  keep  our  eyes  clear  to  see  that  what  is  ofFeroJ  us  for  our 
biithright  is  really  nothing  but  a  mess  of  pottage,  and  that  it  is 
not  our  pressing  duty  to  take  it. 

I  believe  the  only  way  is  to  resolve  against  anything  our 
instinct  objects  to,  and  not  listen  to  any  excuses  in  its  favour. 
If  we  begin  by  persuading  oiirselves  that  what  we  wish  cannot 
be  really  wrong,  and  may  under  the  circumstances  be  done,  we 
are  acting  as  Balaam  did  when  he  kept  the  messengers. 

There  is  a  necessary  obedience  to  parents  and  to  husbands. 


THE   WORLD.  283 

but  where  the  will  13  allowed  free  play  the  only  safety  is  in 
giving  up  the  doubtful.  "  Let  every  man  be  faUy  persuaded 
in  his  own  mind."  Weigh  prevalent  customs  by  the  scales  of 
truth,  not  by  general  consent.  If  you  think  a  fashion  in- 
decorous, and  even  foolish,  do  not  conquer  the  feeling  because 
other  people  adopt  it.  If  the  expense  be  beyond  due  limit,  let 
nothing  persuade  you  to  transgress.  Imitation  does  not  improve 
the  matter.  If  you  recoil  at  the  first  proposal  of  some  popular 
amusement,  do  not  let  example  lead  you  to  it,  still  less  run 
about  trying  to  persuade  some  one  you  respect  to  say  something 
in  its  favour  that  may  restore  your  self-approval.  N^ever  omit 
what  is  right  for  fear  of  offending  some  person  with  whom 
vanity  or  self-interest  makes  you  wish  to  keep  on  good  terms. 
^N^ever  withhold  a  protest  against  evil  because  it  is  done  by 
those  from  whom  you  hope  or  fear  something.  Whenever  duty 
to  God  and  the  claims  of  society  clash,  put  the  right  claim 
foremost,  and  do  your  best  to  keep  from  any  longing  con- 
templation of  those  advantages  Avhich  you  fancy  wealth  or 
rank  would  bring,  but  rather  dwell  on  the  absolute  blessing 
and  glory  of  poverty,  showing  it  all  honour  and  respect  in 
others. 

Again,  it  is  surely  the  safest  way  to  avoid  pulting  oneself 
f(jrward  for  display,  or  trying  to  do  what  we  excel  in  for  the 
sake  of  admiration.  The  right  medium  seems  to  be  to  do  what 
we  are  asked  to  do,  an,d  as  simply  and  well  as  possible  without 
any  fuss — to  use  our  talents  really  and  truly  for  our  neighbours 
and  not  ourselves.  What  comes  to  us  of  itself  within  certain 
rules  is  generally  safe  to  do ;  and  so,  again,  is  the  amount  of 
society  that  is  thrown  in  our  way,  corrected  always  by  considera- 
tions of  expense,  and  by  attention  to  the  seasons  of  the  Church, 
and  likewise  of  the  fitness  of  the  thing ;  but  in  all  this,  we  can 
but  return  to  what  we  started  from,  namely,  that  the  conscience 
is  so  easily  perverted  by  example,  persuasion,  self-interest,  or,  on 
the  other  hand,  by  love  of  singularity  and  desire  to  produce  an 
effect,  that  the  only  safety  lies  in  constantly  referring  every 
decision  to  the  rule  of  God's  Word  and  Commandments,  and 


284  WOMANKIND. 

dreading  nothing  so  much  as  the  twisting  and  distorting  that 
Word  to  suit  our  own  code,  or  persuading  ourselves  that  the 
living  oracles  of  God  are  not  mtant  for  the  present  siate  of 
souietj. 


CnAPTER  XXXH. 

AUTUORITY. 


Dear  old  !Miss  TMatty  was  heard  to  ohserve  that  there  were  not 
60  many  old  ladies  in  CranforJ  as  there  used  to  be  when  she 
was  a  girL  There  may  possibly  be  a  delusion  of  this  kind  in 
my  impression  that  either  the  last  generations  must  have  faded 
much  faster  than  women  do  now,  or  that  society  has  become 
much  more  merciful ;  for  Avhereas  in  most  old-fashioned  novels 
the  heroines  ranged  from  fifteen  to  eighteen  years  of  age,  and 
ladies  of  twenty-five  or  thirty  were  absolute  old  maids  who 
made  themselves  absurd  by  pretending  to  youthful  airs,  in  the 
present  state  of  the  world  a  woman,  whether  married  or  single, 
would  be  ridiculous  if  she  did  not  keep  in  the  ranks  of  youth 
■up  to  thirty,  ay,  or  fiveand-thirty.  In  this  northern  climate, 
beauty,  unless  marred  by  illness,  anxiety,  or  dissipation,  gene- 
rally increases  rather  than  lessens  for  the  first  half  of  life. 
There  is  an  exquisite  bloom  in  some  fair  girls  of  seventeen,  au 
apple-blossom-look  of  innocence,  which,  under  tt?tfavourable 
circumstances,  does  not  last  two  years,  but  under  favourable  ones, 
will  continue  for  years.  In  general,  however,  English  women 
are  better  looking  at  seven-and-twenty  than  at  seventeen,  and 
have  seldom  begun  to  fade  at  seven-and-thirty,  if  aU  have  gone 
well  with  them. 

AVhen  the  parents  live  on  in  health,  spirits,  and  efficiency,  the 
daughters  never  seem  to  grow  older  after  they  have  once  come 
out  of  the  schoolroom.  They  are  still  "  the  girls,"  and  neither 
they  nor  their  parents,  nor  any  one  else,  is  inclined  to  think 


AUTHORITY.  285 

them  otherwise.  It  is  only  when  they  see  their  nephews  and 
nieces  growing  up  rouml  them  that  they  begin  to  find  themselves 
of  an  elder  generation,  and  to  recognise  the  fact  that,  by  years 
at  least,  youth  is  past. 

This  is  the  way  with,  tranquil  lives,  csp'^cially  wiUi  tlio'?e  rrho 
have  superior  parents  to  whom  lie  irt  and  head  can  loyally  look 
up,  and  in  these  the  happy  period  of  tuteLigc  lasts  evca  to 
middle  age,  with  tlie  freshness  and  usefulness  of  Gpirit  it 
preserves. 

With  others,  womauliood  comes  early.  Sometimes  the  sick- 
ness, incapacity,  or  death  of  a  parent,  force  the  daughter  to  como 
forward  and  leave  her  no  youth  at  all,  or  love  affairs  como  early 
and  unprosperously,  or  some  great  family  shock  matures  her. 
Girlhood  can  really  take  no  thought  for  the  morrow ;  other 
heads  fix  for  her  what  may  and  may  not  be  done,  and  cheerful 
acquiescence  is  all  that  is  wanted  of  her,  but  womanhood  liaa  to 
take  responsibility,  decide,  and  govern. 

In  early  life  the  vigorous  among  us  long  for  this  responsibility. 
AVe  think  we  could  do  the  thing  so  much,  better  than  wo  seo  it 
being  done.  "\Vo  are  so  ready  Avith  our  censures  aud  advice. 
"We  think  ourselves  so  wastdl  in  a  subordinato  poM";ion.  \Ve 
talk  so  recklessly,  half  because  we  know  nobody  will  mind  us. 
All  on  a  sudden  promotion  comes.  We  have  to  try.  Either  we 
have  to  organize  a  new  foundation,  or  we  have  mounted  up  to 
the  seats  of  office  in  our  own  little  sphere,  or  come  into  one  in 
another  place  ;  or  we  suddenly  find  that  our  words  have  weight. 
We  may  have  been  wont  to  speak  as  one  of  the  rabble  of  the 
family,  wishing  and  censuring,  grumbling  or  castle-building,  with 
the  comfortable  freedom  bred  of  our  minds  having  no  weight, 
when  we  find  them  actually  taken  into  consideration,  and  pro- 
ducing an  effect !  Sometimes  this  effect  actually  startles  us,  if 
the  grumble  was  only  a  grumble,  not  meant  to  be  acted  on,  nor 
to  make  any  one  uncomfortable,  but  merely  to  relieve  our  minds. 
It  is  the  old  story — the  family  Whigs  turning  Tories  and  coming 
to  the  top. 

Sometimes  when  we  thus  begin  to  act  for  ourselves  with  our 


286  WOMANKIND. 

own  conteTDporarics,  there  is  an  odd  sort  of  feeling  (even  in  tho 
midst  of  giief)  as  if  what  we  were  doing  was  somehow 
unauthorised,  and  wanted  coniirmation  from  our  elders  before  it 
can  become  valid. 

Be  it  how  it  may,  the  time  of  responsibility  does  come,  and 
we  have  to  assume  authority  and  to  rule.  One  counsel  it  may 
bo  well  to  give  to  those  who  have  to  take  up  work  already  in 
progress,  but  new  to  them,  namely,  not  to  be  hasty  in  bringing 
innovations  that  are  not  necessities.  It  was  the  advice  Dr. 
Arnold  gave  a  fellow  head-master,  saying,  that  whatever  changes 
lie  had  made  during  his  own  first  year  at  Rugby  he  had  regretted. 
'No  one  can  tell  without  experience  of  the  individual  working  of 
any  machinery,*  what  necessities  the  lack  of  theoretical  perfec- 
tion may  be  to  meet.  And  besides  the  dismay  and  opposition 
produced  by  sudden  alterations  by  a  new  comer,  it  is  quite 
possible  that  a  little  real  experience  will  show  that  they  would 
have  been  mischievous.  We  much  recommend  to  the  consider- 
ation of  those  who  are  going  to  have  authority  in  a  new  scene, 
that  story  of  the  Eev.  F.  Paget,  entitled  "  The  Curate  of  Cumber- 
worth,"  where  the  zealous  youth  enters  on  a  parish  where  ho 
must  needs  set  something  to  rights,  and  can  find  nothing  to 
meddle  with  but  the  church-clock,  which  accordingly  he  puts 
wrong. 

Often  young  brides  come  in,  just  a  little  spoilt  by  the  petting 
and  other  charms  of  the  courtship,  and  too  often  prepared  by 
the  general  drift  of  opinion  to  see  in  the  mother-in-lnw  a  foe 
and  a  rival  both  in  influence,  affection,  and  power.  Half  shy, 
half  jealous,  frightened  and  deficient,  eager  to  feel  themselves 
mistresses  of  the  situation,  anxious  to  try  their  rights,  they 
know  not  one  quarter  of  the  pain  they  inflict,  nor  how  often 
it  is  resolutely  hidden,  rather  than  cause  disunion.  Public 
opinion  generally  goes  with  youth  and  joy,  but  a  little  tender- 
ness and  consideration  on  their  part  towards  her  who  asks 
nothing  but  to  see  her  son  happy  will  save  many  a  heartache 
to  all,  and  so  will  a  little  humility,  and  recollection  that  much 
^   Vidi  Mrs.  Gatty'p  excellent  parable  of  the  Organ-pipes. 


AUTHORITY.  2S7 

whicli  sooms  ^o  the  new  eye  dull,  antiqnatetl,  or  "belonging  to 
some  barbarous  age,  may  be  very  dear  and  precious  to  older  ones, 
and  that  to  root  np  is  niucli  easier  than  to  renew. 

Many  a  good,  right-minded,  well-intentioned  clergyman's  wife 
or  daughter  sows  thorns  in  her  path  for  years  to  come  by  her 
persuasion  that  a  dark  ago  preceded  her  coming  to  the  parish, 
by  expecting  every  one  to  be  delighted  by  the  changes  they  can 
bai'ely  endure ;  and  by  spcakuig  compassionately  of  the  late 
incumbent,  who  has  still  their  reverent  love.  Let  the  charities 
appear  to  bo  on  the  most  pauperising  system,  let  the  harmonium 
bray  and  growl,  let  the  ibunday-school  system  ruu  counter  to 
every  theory  or  practice  of  your  own,  and  hold  your  peace,  oi 
only  speak  out  your  mind  on  compulsion,  and  when  you  intro- 
duce the  improvement  do  it  gently  and  humbly,  and  not  trium- 
phantly. When  peoplo  have  learned  a  little  confidence  in  you, 
they  will  go  along  witli  you  in  your  changes  and  see  the  need 
of  them ;  if,  on  the  other  hand,  your  own  experience  dues  not 
prove  that  many  would  have  been  hasty  and  ill-advised.  Those 
old  incumbrances,  sexton,  choir-leader,  schoolmaster,  parson's 
man,  whose  deficiencies  are  so  glaringly  evident  to  you,  may 
have  merits  you  little  know  of,  and  a  little  patience  on  your 
part  will  prove  Avhether  they  are  improvable;  or  if  they  cannot 
rise  to  your  standard,  and  voluntarily  retire,  it  is  far  better  than 
if  you  discarded  them  and  pensioned  them  off  on  your  first 
impression  of  their  incompetency.  And  oh !  beware  of  a 
whisper,  even  to  your  dearest  friend,  "  Before  I  came  things 
were  so  and  so."  "With  the  very  best  and  most  affectionate 
intentions,  she  will  glory  in  your  success  and  set  up  everybody's 
bristles. 

It  is  no  injury  to  you  if  they  do  love  what  is  gone  before, 
nay,  it  is  a  pledge  that  they  will  be  loyal  to  you  when  their 
allegiance  has  been  gained.  Yet,  after  all,  love  and  allegiance 
are  not  to  he  sought  after.  Your  duty  is  to  be  true  and  faithful, 
and  to  let  the  law  of  kindness  sit  on  your  lips,  and  then  no 
matter  about  what  comes  of  it. 

But  it  is  quite  certain  that  when  people  go  about  talking  of 


288  VrOMANKIND. 

ingratitude,  they  have  done  something  to  hinder  frratitude. 
Either  they  have  done  nothing  fur  their  neii^hboar,  or  they  have 
spoilt  their  benefits  by  lack  of  love. 


"Alas,  the  gratitinlc  of  men 
Ilatli  often  left  me  mouniinc 


Assumption  of  authority  comes  naturally  to  some  people,  and 
is  a  terrible  effort  to  others.  When  p  >sition  requires  it  to  he 
asserted,  it  is  needful  to  lash  oneself  up  to  do  so,  and  it  is  a 
great  comfort  that  reproofs  seem  to  ho  ciTectivo  almost  in  pro- 
portion to  the  effort  they  cost.  The  reproofs  of  the  nagging  or 
scolding  nature  are  like  the  wind  that  blows,  while  the  rebuke 
given  gently  and  with  pain,  even  timidly,  goes  much  further, 
from  its  very  rarity,  provided  the  speaker  be  in  full  earnest. 

To  take  the  proper  place,  and  exact  due  respect  audob°,dience, 
may  be  very  unpleasant,  but  is  an  absolute  duty.  It  is  no 
kindness  to  those  who  depend  on  us  to  let  them  be  familiar, 
negligent,  or  insubordinate  ;  they  are  our  charge,  and  it  is  our 
duty  to  fulfil  it,  in  a  considerate,  and  not  in  a  slovenly,  manner. 

If  the  question  be  asked,  how  are  we  to  know  when  to  come 
forward  without  being  assuming,  surely  sometimes  position 
settles  the  question,  and  at  all  times,  if  there  is  something  to 
be  done,  and  nobody  else  can  or  will  do  it.  Providence  is  calling 
us,  and  "  as  our  day,  so  will  our  strength  be." 

;Mere  matters  of  dignified  presence,  "  faculty,"  or  readiness  of 
speech,  often  mark  out  the  person  who  can  become  manager, 
and  if  she  be  absorbed  in  the  business  and  not  in  herself,  others 
will  follow  her  as  cows  follow  their  senior  out  of  a  field  ;  for 
there  is  so  httle  originality  in  the  world  that  most  people  are 
glad  to  imitate,  provided  they  do  not  find  it  out.  The  really 
clever  head  AviU  direct  either  openly  or  through  others  if  only 
it  be  a  humble  head,  and  keep  in  its  right  place.  For  the 
less  able,  who  have  to  act,  will  repose  upon  it  for  aid  and 
suggestions,  and  the  guidance  will  fall  to  it,  as  "  the  one  indis- 
pensable person  who  knows  all  about  it." 


AUTnORITY.  239 

Ab  Ihinrjs  stancl  in  England  now,  smaller  country  places 
have  their  tone  given  either  by  the  squire's  wife  or  the  cler;„'-y- 
nian's,  according  to  the  circnmstauces  or  birth  of  one  or  the 
other.  Such  places  are  generally  much  more  peaceable  than 
those  where  there  is  a  kind  of  republican  equality,  and  some 
dozen  or  half-dozen  ladies  are  jealous  of  one  another's  claims, 
the  richest,  perhaps,  being  looked  down  on  for  having  come  of 
relations  in  trade,  and  the  one  with  the  most  ostensible  rank 
being  of  lowest  birth;  while  the  truest  lady  of  all  hangs  back 
disj^usted  at  their  jealousies,  the  most  effective  is  the  ra-^st 
doiuiiieeiing  and  distasteful,  and  the  clergyman's  wife  is  too 
poor,  or  sickly,  or  oppressed  with  children,  to  reckon  for  any- 
thing. 

It  is  a  real  blcsing  when  some  one  of  undoubted  position 
cither  by  rank,  wealth,  or  standing,  comes  among  them  and  can 
take  the  lead  naturally  ;  nor  should  she  hesitate  to  do  so  out  of 
indolence,  shyness,  or  false  humility,  for  the  influence  of  station 
is  really  a  talent  committed  to  her  trust,  and  a  little  quiet 
decision  in  an  unasauuiing  way  saves  an  infinity  of  jangling 
and  uncharitablencss. 

There  is  nothing  ag'^inst  humility  in  so  doing.  The  great 
practical  portions  of  St,  Paul's  writings  make  our  conduct  hinge 
on  our  eCice  an  members  of  Christ,  parts  of  the  great  Eody, 
the  component  parts  of  which  have  to  act  in  harmony.  One  of 
these  rules  is  that  we  should  each  think  of  ourselves  " soberly 
as  we  ought  to  think,"  that  is,  with  a  just  estimate  of  our 
position  and  what  is  required  of  us.  Observe,  this  docs  not 
mean  what  wo  should  think  beneath  us  to  do  for  those  who 
need  it,  but  when  it  is  our  place  to  undertake  direction  and 
management.  To  abstain  from  what  is  questionable,  and  pro- 
mote what  is  good,  is  a  personal  duty  in  all  cases,  but  what  as 
girls  we  may  have  done  with  doubt  and  timidity,  as  women 
must  be  done  openly,  and  giving  reas;oii=!. 

For  instance,  a  good  conscientious  gii-1  mny  quietly  and 
steadily  refuse  persuasion  to  have  her  fortune  told,  to  witncs!^ 
Rnj  ol  the  perilous  tricks  connected  with  epiritualism,  to  go  to 

u 


200  WOMANKIND. 

races  or  pigeon-shootings,  to  read  a  "  delightfully  wiclced " 
book,  &c.  If  those  about  her  require  to  know  the  motives  of 
her  refusal,  she  should  give  them  as  briefly,  truly,  and  modestly 
as  she  can,  with  due  regard  to  her  relations  with  the  inquirer. 
Again,  a  young  girl  has  nothing  to  do  with  anyone's  dress  but 
her  own  or  her  sister's — and  must  conform  to  the  style  that  the 
neighbourhood  rules  as  fit  for  various  occ;isions,  but  the  lady  of 
the  great  house  can — especially  in  the  heyday  of  her  bloom — 
have  a  very  considerable  influence  on  the  habits  and  expenses 
of  those  around.  If  she  encourages  simplicity  and  quietness, 
and  inexpensive  good  taste  in  herself  and  her  daughters  on  all 
but  the  absolutely  needful  occasions  of  full  dress,  it  will  be 
thought  vulgar  to  outshine  her.  Iler  straw  hat  at  a  garden 
party  will  save  countless  artificial  floweis  and  tulle,  to  which 
those  who  can  less  alford  theiu  will  othirwise  egg  each  other  on. 
Let  her  be  past  her  fiist  youth,  a  matron,  a  lady  of  position, 
the  mother  of  daughters,  or  a  single  woman  of  a  certain 
influence  in  her  circle,  it  tlit-n  becomes  a  duty  to  di-^courage 
tlie  undesirable  pleasure  to  the  best  of  her  abilities,  and  show 
that  fashion,  amusement,  and  the  desire  to  plea-e,  or  dread 
of  being  thought  over  strict,  have  no  elFect  upon  her.  If  she 
Lave  bred  up  her  children  properly,  she  will  only  have  to  speak 
to  lead  them,  and  among  her  neighbours,  if  she  be  kind  and 
pleasant,  she  can  hardly  fail  to  have  influence  enough  to  make 
her  serious  disappr  ibation  powerful,  unless  the  habit  of  grov\l- 
ing  at  anything  new  have  lessened  her  weight.  To  learn  not  to 
treat  everything  new  as  necessarily  wrong  is  highly  necessary 
to  such  of  us  as  have  tlip  feminine  conservative  element  in  us, 
and  we  should  always  con-ider  a  novelty  well  before  objecting, 
lest  it  should  merely  be  painful  to  our  prejudice's,  not  to  our 
better  judgment.  Those  persons  are  wisest  who  Lave  great 
toleration  for  all  that  is  innocent  and  can  be  carried  on  with  due 
regard  to  kindness  and  propriety,  who  love  and  enjoy  harmless 
merriment,  and  will  take  any  amount  of  trouble  for  other 
people's  enjoyment,  but  can  therefore  with  all  the  more  effect 
put  on  the  curb  wLcu  required. 


AUTHORITY.  291 

If  the  elder  friend  have  laughed,  set  young  people  to  dance, 
act  charades,  play  games  in  the  Christmas  holidays,  or  provided 
lawn  tennis  and  pic-nics  for  them  in  the  summer,  she  will  be 
attended  to  all  the  better  if  she  wish  to  mark  that  mirth  is 
going  too  far,  if  she  thinks  some  sport  "  not  nice,"  or  finds  it 
needful  to  remind  her  yo'ing  friends  where  they  are  when 
decorating  the  Church.  Or  she  can  bring  them  to  join  in  what- 
ever form  the  parish  good  works  tak^,  or  if  there  is  nothing  set 
on  foot,  she  can  begin  something  harself  which  will  help  them 
to  usefulness.  Must  young  ladies  of  any  educition  and  station 
have  such  aspirations  rather  in  excess  just  now,  and  her  in- 
fluence may  have  to  be  used  to  restrain  and  moderate  aberrations 
of  untimely  zeal,  but  there  are  a  good  many  girls  just  within 
the  borders  of  gentility  with  about  the  same  amount  of  educa- 
tion as  squire's  daughters  seventy  years  ago,  who  lead  terribly 
flat,  stale,  and  unprofitable  lives ;  and  yet  who  have  a  great  deal 
of  good  in  them.  Schemes  of  good  in  which,  they  can  take 
part  and  which  can  be  baited  for  their  mothers  with  the 
participation  of  the  lady  of  the  manor,  are  very  often  very 
beneficial 

The  great  point  in  all  this  is  unanimity.  To  act  as  one  with 
the  clergyman  is  almost  a  necessity  for  the  well-bt-ing  of  a  parish. 
Where  there  are  great  differences  of  views,  this  is  difficult, 
but  the  difficulty  can  best  be  met  by  a  resolution  on  the  lady's 
part  never  to  transgress  her  pastor's  orders  in  dealing  with  his 
flock,  and  never  to  comment  on  his  sermons  or  manner  of  con- 
ducting the  service.  This  caution  seems  unnecessary  to  people 
of  moderate  sense,  yet  I  have  known  ladies  encourage  cottage 
friends  to  bemoan  and  to  find  fault  with  the  sermon,  and  laugh 
at  it  theujselves  at  dinner  before  children  and  servants. 
Whatever  may  be  thought  of  his  preaching  or  his  doctrine, 
any  token  of  opposition  will  only  be  mischievous,  and  must  be 
restrained. 

The  clergyman's  wife  m.ust  remember  too  that  she  is  not  the 
clergyman.  Let  her  beware  of  jealousies  and  collisions  over  the 
details  of  charities,  and  of  pouring  out  her  regrets.     Courtesy 

v2 


2J2  WOMANKIND. 

and  good  T3rccfiliig  arc  a  great  protection,  and  if  it  be  impos^>il»lo 
to  feel  cordial  or  to  tliiuk  alike,  let  these  be  scrupalou.sly 
obsciTci,  It  is  better  to  give  np  a  great  deal  of  what  is  only 
ta-te  than  to  oll'cnd  and  alienate,  and  many  a  wife  and  daughter 
in  a  parsonage  sow  ill- w ill  and  cause  distrust  and  disturbance  by 
forcing  on  changes  against  the  more  cautious  and  better  judg- 
ment of  the  head  of  the  family.  Improvements  may  have  to 
bo  brought  in.  The  obstructive  may  be  in  the  Hall  or  the 
Vicarage,  but  in  cither  case  the  moving  power  had  best  be 
cautious,  not  from  pulicy  only,  but  from  sympathy,  love,  and 
respect,  and  it  is  seldom  that  opposition  will  not  be  worlied 
down  or  worn  out.  After  all,  tlie  gicat  rule  is,  "Let  each  esteem 
other  better  than  himself."  It  is  the  only  way  to  obtain  real 
influence,  and  to  avoid  giving  offence. 

Porce  of  character  is  sure  to  assert  itself  vpherever  it  is.  1 
remember  heaving  of  an  English  lady  who  bad  been  a  good  deal 
in  China,  and  who  said  that  much  as  the  Chinese  ladies  despised 
her  large  feet,  there  was  a  perfect  struggle  among  them  to  lean 
upon  her  whenever  a  party  of  them  moved  from  one  room  to 
another,  for  one  push  would  send  down  the  whole  row.  So  the 
person  who  really  knows  Avhat  is  to  be  done  and  hoAV  to  do  it, 
is  sure  to  become  the  mainstay  the  moment  there  is  a  perplexity, 
though  it  sometimes  happens  that  like  Solomon's  poor  wise 
men  who  saved  the  city,  she  is  forgotten  as  soon  as  the  need 
is  over. 

To  those  who  are  "born  great,"  and  to  those  Avho  "achieve 
greatness,"  those  who  have  strength  of  will  and  readiness  of 
resource,  power  of  execution  and  presence  of  mind,  authority 
comes  naturally,  and  the  exercise  of  it  seems  as  spontaneous 
and  easy  as  any  other  ordinary  action  of  life.  The  cliild  leads 
the  games  of  the  others  and  keeps  order  in  the  nursery,  or  else 
is  ringleader  in  a  li  t ;  the  young  lady  knows  the  mind  of  her 
sisters  when  tbcy  don't  know  it  for  themselve?,  cu^s  the  bread, 
orders  the  library  bouks,  decides  the  colours  of  the  sisterly 
uniform,  settles  the  point  when  the  weather  makes  an  outuig 
doubtful,  chooses  the  music,  and  administers  the  scoldings. 


AUTHORITY.  293 

Who  writes  the  notes  and  mends  the  pens  t 
Who  darns  the  socks  and  feeds  the  hens  ? 
Who  beards  churchwardens  Lu  their  dens  t 
My  Lily  ! 

**  My  Lilies  "  are  often  irresistible  ■when  their  power  is  only 
the  effect  of  grace,  readiness,  and  audacity  joined  with  capability. 
And  if  there  be  anything  in  them,  when  they  really  acquire 
M^eight  and.  position  they  grow  into  full-blown  LiUes  of  very 
considerable  weight  and.  force,  matrons  who  rule  their  house- 
hold so  as  to  render  it  a  centre  of  blessing  and  school  of  good 
training. 

The  noble  dame,  spinning  among  her  maidens,  and  teaching 
religion  and  courtesy  to  her  husband's  young  pages  and  squires, 
was  the  old  ideal,  the  Lady  above  all.  Her  modern  descendant 
may  not  spin  in  the  castle-hall,  or  teach  pages  their  Ave ;  but 
she  can  be  a  far  greater  power  for  good,  not  only  to  her  own 
children,  but  all  who  come  in  contact  with  her.  Her  children's 
governess  will  be  a  better,  braver,  wiser  woman  for  her  influence  j 
her  servants  one  after  another  will  grow  into  tlie  ways  of  her 
household,  and  either  remain  training  others,  or  go  out  to  carry 
into  other  houses  the  benefits  of  the  impression  she  has  made 
on  them  ;  her  neighbours  will  look  to  her  for  sympathy  and 
advice,  and  follow  her  lead;  her  children's  ti'iends  and  gtie.-ts 
will  catch  the  tone  and  be  the  better  for  each  visit, — and  ail  this 
will  be  assuredly  the  effect  produced  by  a  sensible  woman  trying 
to  do  her  duty  in  the  best  way  possible  to  her,  and  to  make  all 
those  with  whom  she  is  concerned  as  happy  and  as  good  as 
possible.  The  matron  should  always  be  in  a  measure  such  a 
centre, — and  so  she  L'^.  We  all  of  us  know  of  people  in  all 
ranks,  cottage- women  especially,  whu  are  iolluences — -looked  up 
to,  trusted,  called  in  and  consulted  in  all  troubles  and  griefs, 
and  with  husbands  and  children  who  "  riso  up  and  call  them 
blessed." 

Every  matron  ought  to  be  a  queen-consort  in  her  own  house, 
and  make  her  rule  a  blessed  one.  One  thing  should  be  guarded 
against,  i.e.  patronising.      It  is  a  tempting  thing  to  condescend 


294  WOMANKIND. 

and  "be  gracintis,  especially  if  we  have  just  gained  some  elevation 
we  are  very  conscious  of,  but  it  is  the  way  to  poison  our  bene- 
ficence, both  to  ourselves  and  the  subject  of  it.  "  He  that 
givetb,  let  him  do  it  with  simplicity."  The  old  story — humility 
alone  on  our  part  can  make  our  favours  tolerable  to  the  recipient 
— good  nature  without  delicacy  is  a  hard  trial,  and  causes  half 
the  ingratitude  complained  of.  It  would  be  no  unwholesome 
exercise  for  anyone,  highly  delighted  with  the  great  kindness 
she  is  going  to  confer  on  some  one  she  thinks  her  inferior,  to 
study  the  demeanour  of  Mrs.  Elton  when  she  proposes  to  take 
Jane  Fairfax  to  explore  in  the  barouche  landau. 

AD  of  us  are  not  born  with  good  sense,  and  the  best  of  us 
have  to  work  out  our  own  experience  through  a  series  of  blunders 
and  disappointments. 

And  whatever  we  undertake,  the  crux  is  pretty  sure  not  to  be 
what  we  reckoned  on.  We  set  up  some  charity, — say  a  soup- 
kitchen  ;  and  either  some  one  obj'  cts  to  giving  soup  to  dissenters, 
or  the  Irish  suspect  it  is  a  means  of  conversion,  or  else  a  report 
gets  about  that  it  is  "  Horsetralian  meat."  We  begin  an  orphan- 
age, and  immediately  are  bewildered  by  the  incompatibility  of 
the  orphans  of  decent  families,  and  those  of  the  workhouse 
level.  We  build  model  cottages,  and  the  wrong  people  are  sure 
to  get  into  them — our  coadjutors  upset  everything  by  ridiculous 
tempers.  Or  the  parents  of  the  children  we  want  to  benefit 
drive  us  distracted  by  utter  want  of  appreciation  of  aught  but 
our  material  benefits.  Some  dishear'ening  revelation  comes 
which  shows  us  how  little  all  ovir  endeavours  have  availed  to 
make  us  even  understand  the  persons  who  have  seemed  closest 
to  us,  and  we  find  that  some  of  those  we  have  trusted,  praised, 
boasted  of,  and  felt  to  be  real  testimony  to  our  principles  and 
labours,  have  been  deceiving  us  aU  the  time,  and  perhaps  laughing 
at  the  lady  so  easily  humbugged. 

Yes,  there  will  be  vexations  and  disappointments  exactly 
where  we  did  not  expect  them,  and  we  shall  find  ourselves  like 
the  doe  who  was  shot  from  a  boat  on  the  blind  side,  which  she 
kept  turned  to  the  sea  as  sure  to  be  safe  from  hunters. 


AUTHORITY.  295 

Some  people  drop  it  all  in  despair,  and  get  a  bad  opinion  of 
everyone.  These  are  those  who — Avhether  they  know  it  or  not 
— have  worked  for  their  own  glory  and  satisfaction.  Others, 
who  are  ready  to  persevere,  give  way  to  hastiness  and  injustice. 
It  is  very  difficult  to  a  woman  to  be  perfectly  just.  She  feela 
so  strongly,  and  her  indignation  is  so  waim,  that  it  is  very  hard 
to  be  impartial  where  she  is  keenly  touched.  We  all  want  to 
be  like  the  judge  who  wished  only  to  hear  the  witnesses  on  one 
side  because  the  other  confused  him ;  and  we  are  only  too  apt 
to  act  jury,  judge,  and  executioner,  ;ill  in  one,  upon  t'le  evidence 
of  the  first  accuser,  and  when  we  have  passed  some  terrible 
sentence,  of  dismissal  or  punishment,  some  contradiction  or 
qualifying  circumstance  causes  a  sudden  revulsion. 

And  then — oh,  beware,  beware  of  being  too  proud  to  own 
your  mistake.  "  It  would  be  so  bad  for  the  children  or  servants, 
or  the  village."  Would  it  1  Depend  upon  it  the  sight  of  a 
little  honest  humility  will  be  much  better  for  them  than  any 
assumption  of  infallibilily  on  your  part.  Never  let  us  hesitate 
to  own  that  we  have  been  wrong.  It  is  not  concealed,  people 
know  it  all  the  time,  and  we  do  not  gain  one  atom  of  respect 
by  our  refusal  to  avow  the  mistake,  to  say  nothing  of  the 
actual  sinful  pride  that  refuses  the  humiliation  of  confessing 
the  error. 

These  hasty  judgments  and  executions  are  much  more  frequent 
in  early  life,  from  several  causes.  There  is  a  certain  sweet 
severity  of  innocence — like  that  of  Hilda  in  Transformations — 
which  is  really  dreadfully  pained  and  shocked  at  the  first  great 
evil-doing  which  is  brought  before  it,  and  thinks  nothing  was 
ever  like  it,  or  can  be  sufficient  punishment.  This  kind  of 
sterimess  is  as  hard  on  itself  as  on  others,  and  is  really  hatred 
of  sin,  which  cannot  at  first  understand — 

**If  they  who  hate  the  trespass  most, 
Yet  wlien  all  other  love  is  lost. 
Love  the  poor  sinuer." 

Yet  if  the  misery  of  the  poor  sinner  be  brought  before  tliese 


298  WOMANKTND: 

hard  judges,  tTiey  will  soon  be  pitiful  enougt  and  grieve  ovei 
their  own  harshness. 

Another  softening  experience  will  be  that  everyone  who  has 
once  been  disappointing  is  not  a  hardened  reprobate,  and  that 
the  presiding  genius  of  fiction  is  considerably  more  acute  than 
one's  own  instincts,  and  that,  as  in  nursery  squabbles  we  said 
before,  right  and  wrong  are  seldom  so  equally  divided  in  a 
quarrel  that  each  party  has  the  whole  for  his  portion. 

Moreover,  if  in  our  little  Avay  we  rush  into  rooting  up  the 
tares,  behold  what  wheat  we  have  torn  up  with  them,  how  many 
innocent  ones  are  made  to  suffer  with  the  guilty  1 

Ay !  we  read  it,  we  moralize  over  it,  we  even  may  write 
pretty  stories  about  it,  but  nothing  brings  the  conviction  home 
to  us  save  burning  our  fingers — and  we  have  seen  the  mother  as 
wife  broken-hearted  by  justice  on  some  evil-doer.  Then,  like 
Mr.  Brooke,  we  find  how  much  easier  it  is  to  be  strict  when  the 
person  is  not  before  us,  and  therewith  come  diffidence  and  re- 
luctance to  press  hard  measure  till  the  duty  is  clear,  and  thus 
we  become  a  little  more  worthy  to  hold  the  reins.  For  it  is  the 
greatest  mistake  of  all  to  drop  them  because  we  are  disheartened 
by  our  own  mistakes,  that  is  if  they  naturally  belong  to  us,  and 
we  have  not  snatched  at  them  improperly.  If  we  have,  the 
discomfiture  is  our  due  requital,  and  we  had  better  put  them 
into  the  right  hands. 

There  are  others  who  have  greatness  thrust  on  them.  !Many 
a  young  girl  who  married,  merely  seeing  before  her  the  belonging 
to  her  lover,  finds  that  she  is  not  only  the  head  of  his  household, 
but  that  she  has  to  be  lady  of  his  circle,  be  it  parish,  neighbour- 
hood, colonial  station,  or  regiment.  It  does  not  always  begin 
with  lier  bridal  dajs.  If  her  husband  be  in  a  subordinate 
position,  she  may  have  to  learn  experience  on  her  own  domestic 
affairs,  but  when  he  reaches  the  higher  grades  of  his  profession, 
or  if  his  superiors  in  it  bring  no  ladies  to  take  the  precedence, 
it  is  sure  to  fall  to  her. 

And  she  may  be  shy,  gentle,  indolent,  timid,  or  wavering, 
l.ating  the  sight  of  a  stranger,  wretched  at  having  to  difler  from 


AUTHORITY.  TJ7 

any  speater,  longing  to  save  herself  trouLle,  sc.ircd  at  the  notion 
of  reproving,  seeing  both  sides  of  a  question  too  plainly  to  mako 
a  decision,  never  happy  but  when  alone  with  her  husband.  Yet 
she  must  take  her  place  and  do  her  duty  in  that  state  of  life  to 
which  she  is  called  !  Most  likely  the  more  it  goes  against  the 
grain,  the  more  effective  will  some  of  her  work  be,  especially 
the  reproving  and  exhorting.  Gentleness  set  in  motion  by  a 
strong  sense  of  duty  produces  an  immense  effect.  The  impetuous 
need  to  school  themselves  in  a  grace  which  the  gentle  only 
,'.ose  when  the  thinking  about  themselves  and  getting  into  a 
fright  drive  them  into  sharpness  and  coldness,  which  are  taken 
for  pride. 

Even  an  undecided  will  can  loam  strength.  *'  Always  have 
a  choice  "  is  a  useful  saying,  and  though  we  may  not  care  about 
a  matter,  and  may  be  ready  to  give  it  up  in  a  moment,  we 
should  as  a  matter  of  self-training,  and  doing  as  we  would  be 
done  by,  have  an  answer  ready  when  asked  whether  we  will 
walk  or  drive,  eat  boiled  or  roast.  Even  such  petty  decisions 
as  these  help  to  fix  an  infirm  Avill,  as  well  as  saving  trouble,  as 
"  I  don't  care,  thank  you,"  or  "  Which  do  I  like,  dear  1 "  never 
docs. 

And  such  training  in  resolution  may  be  wanted  to  guide  the 
lot  of  a  family  of  sons  and  daughters,  to  give  a  voice  in  favour 
of  some  unpopular  good  work  or  persecuted  person,  or  to  stand 
against  some  popular  evil. 

Every  Christian  has  to  be  the  salt  of  the  earth.  How  much 
may  women  serve  to  be  the  salt  of  their  homes  and  the  society  in 
which  they  live,  above  all  in  the  isolation  in  which  the  wives  of 
ofticers  often  are  left,  with  strongly  defined  positions  and  much 
influence  for  good  or  evil,  both  on  the  young  subalterns  far 
away  from  home,  and  on  the  soldiers'  wives.  Happily  there  is 
an  increasing  sense  of  responsibility  in  these  days,  and  many 
women  in  all  places  and  stations  have  awakened  to  the  sense 
that  each  has  her  world  of  duty,  and  that  pleasing  her  husband 
and  making  him  comfortable  and  attending  to  her  children  is 
only  a  part  of  her  office ;  but  that  what  she  is,  the  opinions  she 


298  TTOMANKIND. 

utters,  the  influence  she  exerts,  have  a  power  for  Avhich  she  ia 
accountable. 

It  is  seldom  that  a  woman  does  not  sooner  or  later  become  a 
ruler  of  a  house  either  jointly  with  her  husband  or  alone,  or  as 
an  uj^per  servant  or  person  in  authority.  In  all  cases,  her  safe 
maxim  is  St.  Paul's,  "  He  that  ruleth  with  diligence."  For  a 
careless,  heedless,  uncertain  rule,  where  easiness  is  diversified  by 
fits  of  temper,  is  the  worst  and  most  dangerous  of  all. 


CnAPTER  XXXIV. 

SORROW. 

"  Man  is  "bom  to  trouble  as  the  sparks  fly  upward."  Heathen- 
dom saw  and  wavered  between  belief  in  malignant  deities,  and 
the  notion  that  success  provoked  the  jealousy  of  the  immortals. 
Job  and  Asaph  were  perplexed  and  bewildered  at  the  mjsterious- 
ness  of  calamity  befalling  the  deserving.  Solomon  caught  a 
glimpse  of  the  truth  when  he  wrote :  "  For  whom  the  Lord 
loveth  He  chasteneth,  and  scourgeth  every  son  whom  He  re- 
ceiveth."  The  idea  of  chastening  could  be  grasped  by  the 
Israelite  who  had  before  him  the  perfect  standard  that  he  could 
never  reach  ;  but  there  is  a  further  explanation  only  understood 
by  the  Christian  since  the  Lord  of  Creation  came  to  bear 
suffering,  and  all  pain  and  gTief  have  had  His  impress  upon 
them,  and  have  become  our  sliare  of  His  cross. 

The  Christian  no  longer  feels  as  if  "some  strange  thing 
happened  to  him,"  but  remembeis  that  the  Saviour's  prayer, 
"  Not  My  will,  but  Thine  be  done,"  has  been  handed  on  to  him. 
He  knows  that  His  Master  does  not  feel  for  Him  mere  external 
pity,  but  the  actual  sympathy  of  a  fellow-suff'erer. 

Yes,  it  is  easy  to  talk  till  the  trial  comes,  and  the  agonised 
heart  feels  as  if  it  were  all  a  failure  and  a  hollowness,  and  these 
things  were  utterly  powerle&s  as  a  comfort.     Sometimes  this  is, 


soRnovT.  299 

I  fancy,  bf^cnuse  the  afflicted  persons  have  horn  in  the  hahit  of 
viewing  the  "consolations  of  religion"  as  a  sort  of  medicine  to 
be  carefully  bottled  up  out  of  the  way  for  the  time  of  need, 
or  perhaps  just  tasted  periodically,  like  a  regular  spoonful  of 
cod-liver  oil.  This  is  not  the  way,  It  is  only  the  religion  that 
is  already  a  part  of  our  lives  that  gives  us  real  strength  and 
comfort  in  trouble.  It  must  be  real  love  to  our  Blessed  Lord 
that  makes  His  cross  welcome.  Sometimes  even  then  the 
agony  of  loss  is  so  great  that  the  sense  of  being  unresigned 
adds  self-reproach  to  the  grief.  I  think  this  great  misery  of 
sorrow  is,  as  far  as  I  have  observed,  when  the  bereavement  has 
been  one  out  of  the  ordinary  course  of  nature, — the  loss  of 
a  child,  a  brother  or  sister,  a  young  friend,  or  husband  or  wife, 
in  the  earlier  portion  of  life.  The  sense  of  untimeliness  adds 
poignancy  to  the  grief,  and  though  deaths  of  older  people 
may  come  quite  as  near,  and  change  and  devastate  the  survivor's 
life  even  in  a  greater  degree,  there  may  indeed  be  more  forlorn- 
neps,  but  not  that  passionate  pleading  sense  of  pity  which 
makes  the  thing  so  grievous.  It  is  part  of  human  nature,  and 
it  will  make  itself  felt  even  when  the  spirit  has  bowed  itself  to 
resignation.  Often  it  will  keep  itself  in  abeyance  in  the  chief 
sufferer  for  the  sake  of  one  whose  tir.<t  grief  is  more  manifestly 
overpowering.  The  mother  will  be  so  wrapt  up  in  the  father  or 
in  one  of  the  other  children  as  hardly  to  feel  her  own  wound, 
and  then,  when  time  has  begun  to  heal  them,  and  all  outside  is 
as  usual,  comes  the  sick  unappeasable  yearning  ;  or  it  will  be  so 
with  a  sister  or  with  a  friend,  who  often  suffers  all  the  more 
because  there  is  no  relationship  to  shelter  her  grief,  when,  with 
a  part  of  her  very  life  cut  away,  she  has  all  the  sooner  to 
undergo  that  strange  sense  of  sitting  in  the  midst  of  a  buzz 
and  clatter  of  tongues  one  neither  hears  nor  heeds. 

There  are  some  who  have,  long  before  a  blow  comes,  suffered 
it  over  and  over  again  in  anticipation.  Some  natures  torment 
themselves  with  constant  alarms  and  expectations.  I  believe, 
for  one  real  foreboding  that  we  hear  of  because  it  is  fulfilled, 
there  are  tho;isands  that  come  to  jiothing.     That  we  may  pray 


300  WOMANKIND. 

against  the  trouWe,  may  "be  the  very  cause  why  fhe  terror  is 
pent  to  us.  It  may  thus  be  averted.  Or  when  it  so  advances 
Ihit  we  cannot  doubt  that  it  is  God's  "will  to  send  it,  we  may 
still  pray  that  whatever  is  specially  dreadful  in  it  may  be  spared. 
We  ma?/  so  jjray  ;  the  higher  perfection  is  to  resign  the  will, 
and  comniit  ourselves  or  our  dearest  into  God's  hands,  sure  that 
the  very  worst,  if  He  sends  it,  must  bo  good.  But  we  may 
pray  against  it,  and  often  the  prayer  is  granted — what  we  feared 
was  the  sharp  edge,  and  this  is  turned  asiile. 

And  the  reality  often  proves  quite  diiferent  from  the  antici- 
pation that  has  cost  so  much  terror.  If  it  i-^  worse  in  some 
wnys  it  is  better  in  others.  It  takes  us  by  surprise,  both  fn  the 
pain  and  the  alleviation,  and  the  greater  store  of  prayers  we 
have  laid  up  the  better  will  it  be  when  the  crisis  actually 
comes. 

To  those  who  have  to  help  others  to  bear  a  great  affliction  I 
would  say,  as  I  did  about  the  sick,  Follow  their  lead,  and  do  not 
try  to  manage  them  your  own  way,  but  be  ready  to  help.  To 
some,  exertion  is  impossible;  to  others,  it  is  a  relief.  Some  find 
comfort  in  talking,  others  cannot  bear  to  speak.  Some  are 
absolutely  stunned  as  to  their  feelings,  and  yet  mechanically 
active  and  alert,  just  excited  enough  to  think  of  everybody  and 
everything,  and  really  not  able  to  feel  at  all  till  all  the  bustle 
has  subsided,  and  the  funeral  is  over.  Children  are  often  very 
hardly  judged  at  such  limes.  Some  shed  frightened  tears,  and 
if  very  little,  ask  pretty  and  touching  questions ;  but  they  are 
much  more  apt  to  struggle  and  rebel  against  the  gloom  they 
cannot  understand,  till  their  worn  spirits  bieak  out  in  some  loud 
noise,  sharp  quarrel  or  fit  of  naughtiness,  which  brings  blame 
down  on  them  for  being  unfeeling ;  when,  poor  things,  their 
hearts  are  heavy  as  lead,  and  are  full  of  resentment  at  the 
injustice,  though  the  very  idea  that  tears  are  required  of  them 
dries  up  the  source. 

The  child  who  does  cry  should  never  be  made  an  example  to 
the  one  who  does  not,  though  the  child  who  is  careful  not  to  be 
noisy  and  jar  on  the  feelings,  may  be  spoken  of  as  kind  and 


SORROW.  3U1 

coTisiMera te.  Tho  Iclndost  thing  to  do  is  to  find  innocent  occu- 
pation according  to  age,  such  as  copying  or  illuminating  hymns 
or  texts,  or  making  devices  with  flowers  ;  bub  even  if  an  out- 
break should  happen,  or  if  the  child  should  vex  us  by  apparent 
absorption  in  some  frivolous  arar.seraent,  never  let  us  reproach 
it  with  being  unfeeling.  We  little  know  what  it  is  suff'ering  at 
ihe  time,  or  how  we  add  to  its  pain,  unless  indeed  we  have 
undergone  the  like  accusation. 

One  really  kind  way  of  helping  the  nearest  mourners  is  to  take 
as  many  letters  as  possible  i.If  their  hands.  To  some  very  near 
ones  it  is  a  solace  to  write ;  but  the  wear  of  going  through  the 
same  sad  details,  time  after  time,  is  almost  unbearable  ;  and  even 
if  there  is  a  dread  that  there  Vv'ill  be  vexation  if  the  letter  be  not 
from  the  nearest — "They  will  not  like  to  hear  not  from  myself," — 
still  sometimes  a  line  would  suffice,  and  some  other  pen  miglit 
go  through  the  needful  information.  On  the  other  hand,  people 
hesitate  about  letters  of  condolence  lest  they  should  be  trouble- 
some. In  general,  however,  the  reception  of  a  letter  is  a  kind 
of  pleasure,  and  the  reading  of  it  an  occupation,  as  it  need  not 
be  read  at  the  moment  h  arrives.  But  such  letters  should 
always  beg  not  to  be  answered.  Replies  to  them,  if  pressed,  are 
veiy  trying,  and  it  should  be  made  clear  that  no  ofTence  or  sense 
of  slight  will  be  felt  if  there  is  no  answer  ever  made  to  them. 
The  'csponse  is  the  oppression,  not  the  receipt. 

It  may  seem  a  truism  to  say  that  sorrow  has  a  very  different 
effect  at  different  times  of  life.  But  it  also  happens  that  losses 
— the  actual  stroke  of  which  fell  before  consciousness  began — 
are  most  acutely  felt.  An  old  labourer,  considerably  past 
seventy,  and,  as  it  proved,  within  a  few  weeks  of  his  death, 
suddenly  burst  out  crying  while  his  wife  was  reading  to  him  a 
story  of  a  young  mother  dying  soon  after  her  child's  birth,  at 
the  thought  of  his  never  having  known  his  own  mother,  but 
having  thus  teen  left  at  six  weeks  old.  Many  a  child  who 
liannot  remember  the  death  of  the  brother  or  sister  who  would  have 
been  its  companion,  has  yearned  after  it  for  ever  after ;  and  most 
fcjnder  ideals  are  built  up  of  lust  parents  by  orphaned  children. 


302  WOMANKIND. 

Sometimes  tliere  is  a  little  sentiment  cr  self-pity  mingled  witb 
tlie  feeJing,  and  at  times  it  partakes  of  the  penseroso  niooJ, 
which  is  a  sort  of  luxury  to  young  people.  But  there  is  a  safe 
way  always  to  treat  it,  namfily,  by  making  us  help  to  dwell  on 
the  Communion  of  Saint^,  and  to  remember  where  it  is  that  we 
may  indeed  meet  those  whom  Ave  love  and  long  for,  without 
ever  remembering  their  embrace.  They  are  waiting  for  us,  and 
we  shall  know  them  by  and  by.  And,  oh  !  how  different  is  this 
tender  feeling  from  the  anguish  when  someone,  who  seemed 
a  very  part  of  ourselves,  is  torn  from  us — a  jewel  of  the 
heart  rent  out,  leaving  a  wound  never  to  be  healed  in  this 
world. 

Some  go  on  through  more  than  the  first  half  of  their  lives 
without  meeting  with  such  a  stroke.  No  death  has  touched 
tlaem  nearly  enough  to  make  a  change  in  their  lives,  or  burthen 
their  spirits.  I  cannot  help  thinking  that  when  this  immunity 
from  grief  comes,  combined  with  good  health,  it  is  on  purpose  to 
make  them  "  spirits  full  of  glee,"  with  a  strength  of  cheerfulness 
and  joyousness  such  as  can  hardly  be  acquired  when  youth  has 
been  saddened  by  many  st.rokes,  and  tliat  they  may  bd  able  to 
brighten  others  with  their  sunshine. 

Yet  it  is  those  who  are  most  lamented  who  have  the 
iinclouded  lives.  The  old  heathen  proverb,  "  Whom  the  gods 
love  die  ;young,"  had  a  certain  truth  iu  it,  though  we,  who  have 
been  taught  that  one  star  diil'ereth  from  another  in  glory,  can 
believe  that  those  of  whom  it  can  be  said  "  their  works  do  follow 
them,"  even  though  those  works  be  those  of  an  unprofitable 
servant,  have  more  intensity  of  blessedness  than  the  babe  ''just 
born,  baptized  and  gone." 

Yet  that  babe's  certainty  of  Paradise  is  its  parent's  consolation, 
or  will  be  when  the  agony  of  parting  is  wearing  away.  Alas  1 
many  a  mother  has  come  to  have  more  joy  and  comfort  at 
the  thought  of  the  infant  of  days,  who  she  knows  is  awaiting 
her  in  Paradise,  than  of  all  the  living  children  round  her,  when 
she  may  have  had  to  know  the  sorrow  that  is  worse  than  the 
Borrow  of  death. 


SORROW.  803 

And  in  its  measr.ro  it  is  the  samfi  •\\'ith  all  enrly  deaths 
They  cost  the  survivors  the  iitmos".  agony.  Human  nature 
recoils  at  the  uutiiueliness,  grieves  over  the  blighting  of  prorni^-o 
very  possibly  all  the  fairer  because  of  the  early  ri])eniiig,  and 
tenderness  feels  the  void;  and  yet  those  whom  we  thus  mourn 
are  the  very  creatures  who  are  most  free  from  care  and  giief, 
and  have  gone  in  undinimed  brightness,  never  knowing  the 
pangs  we  are  feeling. 

So  again,  when  the  young  mother  is  snatched  away  from 
her  growing  family — she  has  had  the  joy  and  deh'ght,  she  has 
not  known  the  loss  of  cljiJdrcn  nor  widowhood;  her  sweet, 
unclouded  looks  live  with  her  husband,  and  he  grows  to  be 
thankful  in  later  years  that  she  is  spared  the  griefs  that  would 
have  wrung  her  heart. 

And  even  when  the  man's  sun  is  gone  down,  when  it  is  yet 
day,  when 

*'  ITe  is  gone  from  the  mountain. 
He  is  lo.-t  to  the  forest 
Like  a  summer-dried  fountain, 
"When  our  need  was  the  sorest," 

it  is  to  him  like  the  falling  on  a  battle-field,  and  he  is  spared 
the  failing  powers  and  disappointments  of  old  age.  Yea,  and 
how  often  have  we  not  to  feel  iu  its  measure  that  the  righteous 
have  been  taken  away  from  the  evil  to  come.  The  next  great 
sorrow  is  often  ihat  which  most  reconciles  us  to  what  has 
happened  before.  We  know  what  the  loss  would  have  been  to 
those  to  whom  it  is  now  gain. 

The  three  last  clauses  of  the  Creed  are,  as  we  all  know,  the 
great  healers  for  sorrow,  and  none  can  meet  it  so  well  as  tho^e 
who  are  best  able  to  realize  the  Communion  of  Saints  as  an  actual 
present  privilege  of  their  Church  membership.  People  confuse 
their  minds  with  unauthorized  language  when  they  try  to  speak 
of  those  departed  as  "  gone  to  be  Angels  in  Heaven."  Partakers 
with  the  Angels  our  Lord  Himself  says  we  shall  be,  but  not 
Ansels  ourselvea.    There  is  nothing  in  the  Book  of  Kevelation  to 


304  WOMANKIND. 

show  that  the  spirits  and  souls  of  the  righteous  "bceome  Angels  oi 
messenger  spirits  ;  all  we  are  permitted  to  know  is  of  their  white 
robes,  their  palms,  and  their  rapture  of  praise  in  that  song  in 
which  we  on  earth  can  meet  and  unite  with  them — the  sono 
which  becomes  ever  dearer  to  us,  "  as  grows  in  Paradise  our 
store."  There  and  then  we  know  that  all  those  who  have 
departed  this  life  in  God's  faith  and  fear  are  with  us.  Our  own 
Church  teaches  us  to  give  thanks  for  them,  and  though 
providing  no  form,  has  never  forbidden  the  primitive  custom  of 
each  for  ourselves  still  bearing  precious  names  on  our  hearts 
when  we  pray  and  give  thanks,  and  asking  their  God  and  ours 
for  their  rest  and  peace,  and  the  entire  consummation  of  their 
perfection. 

The  recoil  from  a  system  where  definition  had  grown  presump- 
tuous, and  avarice  had  taken  advantage  of  ignorant  superstition, 
has  been  such  that  to  leave  the  departed  out  of  our  prayers  has 
been  treated  as  a  matter  of  duty  ;  and  those  who  would  strive 
in  prayer  vehemently  for  the  sufferer  at  night  would  omit  him 
in  the  morning  and  for  ever  after.  Some  indeed  would  say  he 
was  safe  and  beyond  the  reach  of  prayer,  but  many  another  has 
felt  the  giving  up  the  dear  name  at  prayers  the  saddest  of  all 
the  incidents  of  the  loss. 

]^ay,  this  need  not  be.  No  doubt  the  final  lot  of  each  person 
is  irrevocably  fixed  at  his  deaih.  He  is  either  in  a  state  of 
salvation  or  not ;  but  in  that  unseen  world,  surely  as  our  prayers 
help  others  here,  they  may  brighten  the  joy  and  purification  and 
aid  in  the  washing  and  cleansing. 

Such  has  been  the  belief  of  the  Church  in  all  ages,  and  wp 
surely  do  our  dead  a  wrong  to  withhold  from  them  our  prayer 
that  God  will  remember  them  in  His  mercy,  that  they  may  rest 
in  peace,  and  that  the  light  of  His  Countenance  may  shine  on 
them  ;  and  for  ourselves,  that  He  will  grant  us  such  communion 
with  them  as  to  Him  may  seem  meet,  and  bring  us  all  to  be 
with  Him  in  Paradise,  only  without  shame  or  sin. 

So  Bishop  Andrewes  taught  us  to  pray,  so  surely  we  ought  to 
pray  for  their  sakes,  and  for  the  sake  of  that  oneness  in  Christ 


SORROW,  305 

whicli  cannot  Tdc  severed  T^y  life  or  death.     So  love  will  indeed 
be  stronger  than  death. 

Now  and  then  may  come  a  strange  flashing  thought  of  what 
Paradise  is  to  those  gone  thither — how  they  may  be  realizing 
Bome  beloved  hint  of  the  life  to  come,  or  learning  to  know  one 
of  those  whose  history  or  memory  they  have  loved. 

*'Tliou  wast  the  first  of  all  I  knew 

To  pass  unto  the  dead, 
And  heavenly  things  have  seemed  more  true, 
And  come  down  closer  to  my  view, 

Since  there  thy  presence  fled." 

This  IS  what  we  wish  to  feel,  and  idealize  ourselves  as  feeling ; 
but  often  what  may  be  called  the  physical  feelings  of  grief 
hinder  this  sense,  everything  seems  numb  and  stone-like,  Ave 
seem  to  ourselves  going  about  in  a  dream,  and  hear  people 
talking  of  our  resignation  when  we  believe  Ave  are  only  unfeeling, 
for  we  do  not  seem  touched  either  by  the  grief  or  the  sacred 
words  of  consolation — nay,  our  sense  of  the  ludicrous  is  just  as 
alive  as  ever,  and  we  cannot  help  seeing  and  1  cing  after  a 
fashion  diverted  at  the  incongruities  that  of  course  come  before  us. 

This  stunned  state  is  very  common,  and  it  is  much  wiser  to 
let  it  alone  in  others,  or  if  we  are  sensible  of  it  in  ourselves, 
not  to  fret  ourselves  about  being  hard,  unfeeling,  and  unloving, 
but  go  on  quietly  and  naturally,  not  thinking  about  ourselves 
at  all,  or  if  we  cannot  help  it,  remembering  that  our  dulled 
sensation  may  be  really  the  best  thing  to  enable  us  to  go  through 
with  it  all  without  a  break-down  that  would  distress  others. 

There  is  also  the  broken-down,  outspoken,  weeping  state, 
when  disabling  gusts  of  overwhelming  grief  come  at  once  and 
will  have  their  way.  It  is  a  simple  state ;  actual  tenderness  and 
soothing  have  more  power  to  comforb  here,  and  there  is  gene- 
rally relief  in  the  tears,  though  their  danger  is  of  becoming 
passionate,  and  complaining,  and  in  some  cases  of  being  fos'ered 
out  of  a  sort  of  eelf-complaceucy  in  such  utterly  inconsolable 
affection. 

X 


306  WOMANKIND. 

There  is  a  great  difference  as  to  tears ;  they  come  nmch  more 
readily  to  some  persons  than  to  others,  and  prove  nothing  as  to 
depth  of  feeling ;  many  indeed  weeping  more  from  sympathy  or 
from  some  touch  of  pathos  than  at  their  own  most  grievous 
afHiction.  Those  to  whom  the  overflow  of  Aveeping  is  very 
easy  should  learn  to  control  it  as  much  as  possible,  and  in  times 
of  great  trouble ;  unselfishness  and  unobtrusiveness  tend  to  the 
endeavour  to  j)ractise  self-restraint,  so  as  to  prevent  oneself  from 
being  a  deadweight  on  the  hands  of  kind  consolers,  or  usele-s  to 
fellow-sufierers.  It  is  never  safe  to  say  to  ourselves,  **  This  falls 
harder  on  me  than  on  anyone  else,  therefore  I  have  a  right  to 
give  way  and  let  everybody  try  to  comfort  me,  though  they 
Dever,  never  can. 

Often,  on  the  other  hand,  there  is  a  state  of  exaltation 
and  excitement  which  bears  the  mourners  through  the  first 
days,  with  the  true  and  blessed  sense  of  the  gain  of  their 
dear  one,  to  the  exclusion  of  grief  for  themselves.  Generally 
the  last  hours  have  made  the  end  a  matter  of  present  relief 
and  thankfulness,  and  the  spiritual  atmosphere  still  bears  up 
those  who  have  gone  with  him  to  the  borders  of  the  valley  of 
the  shadow  of  death,  and  helped  him  to  lay  hold  of  the  rod 
and  staff.  The  peace  of  that  hour  lingers  still,  and  is  so 
sustaining  that  the  acutencss  of  the  loss  will  rot  make  itself 
felt  tiU  the  calm  around  the  bereaved  household  has  passed 
away,  and  ordinary  life  begun  again  in  its  changed  aspect. 
Coupled  with  this,  there  is  in  a  few  cases  a  hurry  of  spirits 
which  undertakes  everything  and  gives  a  restless  activity  and 
a  preternatural  lucidity  of  recollection.  This  often  befalls 
one  on  whom  the  death  has  brought  the  burthens  and  cares 
of  life,  and  made  it  needful  that  she  should  become  the 
head  of  the  family  and  think  for  others  instead  of  being 
thought  for. 

Where  there  is  this  excitement  it  should  be  tenderly  watched ; 
often  conversation  will  work  it  off  beneficially,  but  to  overload 
its  activity,  and  rush  from  one  thing  to  another,  is  perilous  both 
to  the  bodily  and  the  mental  healtlu 


SORROW.  307 

"He  that  lacks  time  to  mourn,  lacks  lime  to  mend — ■ 
Eternity  mourns  that ;  " 

and  those  who  stifle  grief  in  hustle  and  -worldly  care  may  he 
leaving  the  enemy  to  hring  them  down  and  grapple  with  them 
in  any  illness,  or  they  may,  hy  driving  it  out  altogether,  lose  all 
the  mellowing  and  softening,  all  the  drawing  to  a  world  ahove, 
and  become  the  more  unfit  for  what  is  laid  on  them.  The 
Burial  Service  most  wonderfully  corresponds  to  the  need  of 
encouragement  to  those  who  have  to  turn  from  the  grave  hack 
to  an  altered  home  : — 

"  Prosper  Thou  the  work  of  our  hands  upon  us  ;  0,  prosper 
Thou  cur  handiwork."  And  again,  "  Be  ye  steadfast,  immove- 
able ;  always  abounding  in  the  work  of  the  Lord,  knowing  that 
your  labour  is  not  in  vain  in  the  Lord." 

"With  these  cheering  words  we  have  to  go  back  to  take  up  the 
shattered  fragments,  and  piece  them  together  as  best  we  may. 
Life  may  never  be  the  same  again,  but  we  have  to  live  it  out. 
Few  griefs  come  very  near,  save  the  loss  of  those  who  have 
intertwined  themselves  with  our  minds  and  hearts,  or  who  have 
been  one  with  us  in  our  homes,  either  leaning  on  us  or  we  on 
them.  The  loss  of  a  child  stands  apart ;  the  anguish  is  partly 
the  natural  instinctive  yearning — partly  the  loss  of  hope  for  its 
sake  and  trust  in  its  love.  It  is  one  of  the  sufferings  that  leave 
the  deepest  traces.  ^Mothers  who  have  grieved  for  grown-up  sons 
and  daughters  have  wept  in  their  dotage  for  the  first  infants 
they  lost ;  and  other  mothers  have  found  joy  in  passing  away,  in 
the  anticipation  of  knowing  the  babes  they  scarcely  saw. 

Some  time  or  other  though  falls  the  blow  that  makes  a 
widowhood  of  the  heart,  and  desolation  of  the  affections, 
leaving  us  alone  to  breast  the  storm,  and  taking  away  the  voice 
"  more  comfortable  than  the  day,"  and  the  step  "  with 
music  in't  as  he  comes  up  the  stair."  Of  course  this  is  above 
all  the  loss  of  a  husband,  but  to  the  unmarried  there  is  sure  to 
be  some  analogous  loss — father,  mother,  brother,  sister — some 
on©  whose  abaciioe  makes  tkom  lonely  for  ever,  and  darkens 

X  2 


308  WOMANKIKD. 

the  wliolo  world  to  them.  "Well,  if  it  bo  with  the  feeling 
that— 

**  Their  winces  were  grown. 

To  Heaven  they're  flown  ; 

'Cause  I  had  noue,  I'm  left." 

Tt  seems  as  if  we  ■were  meant  to  form  our  afTections  on  the 
father  whom  we  have  seen  here,  and  then,  when  he  is  taken  from 
us,  raise  them  more  entirely,  more  fully,  knowing  the  meaning 
and  value  of  saying  "  Our  Father  which  art  in  Heaven." 

And  so  with  other  losses  of  those  on  whom  we  leant.  They 
are  to  make  ns  lean  more  entirely  on  Go^l.  Our  treasure  is 
taken  and  set  on  high,  that  our  heart  may  follow  it ;  and  being 
thus  drawn  up  by  those  who  have  gone  before,  may  fix  itself 
not  so  much  on  them  as  on  the  Autlior  of  all  love  and  comfort. 

IIow  to  be  the  better  for  a  grief  or  a  warning  is  indeed  a 
question,  and  therefore  it  is  not  well  to  try  to  drive  off  or  con- 
fuse grief  by  bustle  or  variety.  AVin-n  a  change  of  home  and 
arrangements  for  children,  &c.,  are  imminent,  of  course  exertion 
is  necessary,  and  it  woidd  be  selfishness  to  avoid  it;  but  even 
then  there  ought  always  to  be  an  endeavour  to  do  things 
quietly  and  rccollectedly,  and  a  breathing  of  the  spirit  of  the 
prayer,  "Calm  me,  0  God,  and  keep  me  calm." 

If  there  be  no  such  necessity,  it  seems  wise  quietly  to  resume 
the  more  needful  of  our  work,  not  turning  away  from  what  is 
intended  to  cheer  us,  but  trying  to  be  gratefully  pleased,  even 
if  our  heart  is  too  sick  to  enjoy  it.  But  there  had  better  be  no 
hurrying  into  the  more  busy  or  amusing  scenes  that  some  may 
think  will  distract  or  amuse  us  ;  and  distract  they  do,  though 
in  a  different mannei*.  Trying  to  do  extra  kindnesses,  spending 
more  time  in  devotional  reading,  meditation,  prayer,  or  in  Church 
■ — even  if  we  cannot  actively  attend,  and  can  only  be  soothed 
by  trying  to  lay  our  grief  before  God,  and  make  it  a  sacrifice 
by  sharing  Hig  prayer,  "  Thy  will  be  done  " — these  best  compose 
us,  and  send  us  out  cheerful  and  sympathizing,  so  as  not  to 
sadden  others. 

It  is  often  supposed  that  a  change  of  scene  is  the  best  thing 


SORROW.  309 

for  tho  spirits.  People  rush  away  to  tlie  sea  or  into  foreign 
travel  as  soon  as  the  grave  has  closed,  and  think  it  will  do  them 
good,  but  often  this  is  a  mistake.  The  grief  is  still  too  fresh 
for  enjoyment  or  interest  in  the  new  scenes;  they  pass  by  like 
the  fair  before  Elizabeth  Barrett's — 

**  Tired  child  at  a  show, 
Seeing  through  tears  the  juggler  leap," 

and  all  the  time  there  is  the  return  to  the  altered  home  to  renew 
the  first  grief.  It  seems  to  me  wiser  to  stay  in  the  midst  of  the 
inevitable  associations  till  we  have  become  accustomed  to  see 
them  without  the  di^ar  one,  and  to  face  the  ntiW  bCj^inuings  in 
the  strength  of 

"Hearts  new  braced  and  set," 

not  trying  to  drag  ourselves  into  new  enjoyments  till  they  come 
naturally.  It  is  when  patience  is  beginning  to  wear  the  bodily 
health  that  a  change  if  possible  is  very  valuable,  and  then  some 
new  interest,  unconnected  with  the  memories  that  have  becon^e 
pain,  is  most  beneficial. 

There  is  nothing  tljose  who  have  to  act  the  part  of  comforfei'S 
need  so  much  to  know  as  that  they  must  not  hurry  the  spirits. 
It  is  like  dealing  with  illness,  it  is  well  to  suggest,  but  not  to 
insist — unless,  indeed,  they  have  to  deal  with  a  weak,  sluggish, 
helpless  nature,  that  needs  to  be  roused. 

Often  when  those  who  have  been  touched  less  heavily 
have  recovered  and  thrown  off  their  sorrow,  it  presses  with 
the  more  dreary  nnd  burthensome  weight  on  the  chief  sufferer, 
just  "when  she  is  expected  to  be  like  others,  more  cheerful,  and 
she  cannot  bear  to  be  a  drac;  on  them  or  seem  ungrateful. 
"Alone,  alone,  thou'rt  fearfully  alone,"  seems  to  ring  in  her  ears. 

Alone,  but  not  fearfully  alone,  if  she  can  cast  her  burthen  on 
the  Lord.  Then  He  wUl  lead  her  into  the  wilderness  and  speak 
comfortably  unto  her,  and  make  the  valley  of  Achor  (weeping) 
a  gate  of  blessing.  In  Him  Who  bore  our  griefs  is  the  only  cure, 
or  comfort,  or  ceitain  sympathy. 


310  WOMANKIXD. 

To  talk  of  tbe  dear  ones  on  the  other  side  the  veil  with 
cheerfulness  as  still  our  own,  not  dread  their  names,  nor  call 
them  poor,  but  refer  cheerfully  to  their  habits,  their  sayings  and 
little  anecdotes  of  them,  seems  to  me  the  way  to  keep  up  fellow- 
ship in  an  outward  manner,  and  to  lessen  the  sense  of  gloom 
in  the  young ;  but  there  are  others  who  cannot  bear  the  mention 
of  the  name,  and  some  who  feel  it  an  irreverence  to  speak  ol 
the  lighter  ways  and  merry  doings  of  those  in  the  unseen  and 
awful  world. 

Such  ways  must  be  left  to  family  character  and  feeling. 
The  real  point  to  all  alike  is  not  to  tieat  grief  as  an  enemy 
and  try  to  run  away  from  it,  but  as  a  niessenger  bringing  us  our 
share  of  the  cross  and  leading  our  thoughts  above.  There  are 
other  crosses.  There  is  the  wearing  cruss  of  suspense,  the  long 
anxiety  for  some  beloved  one,  sick,  absent,  or  in  danger,  or 
doubtful  about  what  may  make  or  mar  a  whole  life.  We  may 
have  to  wait,  unable  to  do  anything,  uncertaia  of  intelligence, 
and  among  those  who  care  not  in  the  same  degree — our  hearts 
sick  with  hope  deferred.  What  can  we  dol  May  not  the 
delay  be  to  give  irs  time  for  ihe  many,  many  prayers,  like  those 
of  the  widow,  or  the  man  knocking — "  O  tarry  thou  the  Lord's 
leisure  ;  be  strong,  and  He  shall  comfort  thine  heart ;  and  put 
thou  thy  trust  in  the  Lord."  David  knew  Avhat  it  was  to  wait 
patiently  till  the  Lord  heard  him  ;  and  he  has  left  us  his  prayer- 
book.  When  with  others,  we  must  beware  of  harping  on 
our  anxiety,  even  if  they  share  it  and  sympathize.  If  they  are 
equally  concerned,  we  only  work  ourselves  and  them  up  into 
nervous  excitability,  unprepared  for  God's  will ;  if  they  do  not, 
we  bore  them  and  wear  out  their  sympathy.  It  is  better  to  try 
to  amuse  and  occupy  ourselves  by  some  fictitious  interest.  We 
may  hate  the  association  afit-rvvards,  but  that  is  no  matter.  To 
keep  the  attentidii  at  work  without  overstrain  is  very  useful. 
Some  extra  attention  to  the  poor  or  schools,  or  some  parish 
detail,  might  serve,  nay,  even  making  a  scrapbook  or  a  screen, 
or  translating  some  foreign  book — anything  to  keep  the  mind 
from  preying  on  itself,  and  the  spirits  from  a  state  of  tension. 


SORROW,  3U 

I  have  not  entered  on  other  griefs  caused  by  reverses  of 
fortune,  estrangements  or  disappointments,  slill  less  on  the 
more  terrible  ones  of  gross  sin  and  shame  in  those  connected 
with,  us. 

We  shrink  from  the  very  thought  of  this  last ;  we  know 
that  this  does  indeed  break  the  heait;  we  feel  it  almost  shocking 
even  to  think  such  things  possible  enough  to  pray  against  them. 
Yet  there  are  those  to  whom  these  troubles  have  come,  and  who 
bear  them  by  humble  meekness,  ever  praying,  ever  hoping  even 
against  hope,  ever  remembering  that  shame  may  yet  work  godly 
sorrow,  and  that  there  is  joy  in  the  presence  of  the  angels  ovei 
one  sinner  that  repenteth. 

Let  them  pray  on,  like  S.  ]\Ionica  for  her  son  ;  let  them  pray 
to  Him  Who  willeth  not  the  death  of  a  sinner  ;  and  even  if  they 
have  to  go  down  mourning  to  the  grave,  who  knows  what  fruit 
of  their  prayers  and  tears  they  may  meet  at  the  Eesarrection 
Day? 

Not  have  I  spoken  of  low  spirits  and  religious  melancholy. 
Both  are  often,  though  not  always,  connected  with  physical 
health.  Religious  melancholy  is,  as  a  fact,  much  more  common 
among  those  who  have  been  taught  Calvinist  doctrines  than 
among  such  as  have  been  bred  up  in  the  full  Church  system. 
It  is  naturally  so,  both  from  the  harshness  of  Calvinistic 
theology  and  from  the  manner  in  which  the  salvation  of  the 
individual  is  made  to  depend  on  a  set  of  feelings  which  all 
cannot  command.  They  are  driven  into  the  Slough  of  Despond, 
and  too  often  they  never  come  out  of  it  again  for  life. 

Still  even  among  persons  obedient  to  the  Church,  a 
despondent  tone  will  sometimes  prevail,  a  weariness  and  hope- 
lessness, or  a  morbid  introspection  which  makes  the  conscience 
always  prey  on  itself.  Some  forget  that  Hope  is  as  much  a 
Christian  grace  as  Faith  and  Charity,  and  almost  admire  them- 
selves for  their  depression ;  but  this  is  not  so  common  as  the 
scrupulosity  which  exaggerates  its  own  despair  at  each  failiug, 
and  will  not  forget  the  things  behind  and  reach  forward  to  the 
things  that  are  before,  but  worries  itself  and  all  around  with 


312  WOMANKIND. 

discussion  an  i  self-Hame.  Here  the  best  advice  is  to  he  as  biisy 
as  possible,  body  and  inind,  and  to  remember  that  it  is  an  evil 
angel,  not  a  good  one,  who  holds  up  to  us  tho  perpetual 
mirror  of  our  own  ugliness ;  when  in  attending  to  our  duty  wo 
ought  to  keep  self  out  of  our  minds  altogether,  and  at  any  rate 
to  beware  of  the  egotism  that  can  never  be  satisfied  with  self- 
discussion  with  a  much-bored  friend. 

The  low  spirits  of  natural  temperament  and  the  hypochon- 
driacism  of  disease  are  among  the  saddest  trials  of  all  Some- 
times a  real  trouble,  or  sudden  shock,  actually  dispels  them  ; 
sometimes  they  pass  away,  but  it  sometimes  happens  that  the 
cloud  rests  till  the  very  last;  but  even  then,  if  the  sufferer 
cannot  think  it  out  for  himself,  still  at  least  those  around  have 
the  comfort  of  knowing  that  this  too  was  endured  for  us  by  our 
dear  Lord,  and  that  He  who  cried,  "  Eloi,  Eloi,  lama  sabach- 
thani,"  is  near  at  hand  to  make  all  glad  suipiioe  when  the  ejes 
shall  opea  in  Paradise. 


CHAPTEE  XXXIV. 

GOING   IN. 

Once  in  our  lives  we  came  out,  and  we  well  remember  that 
great  occasion.  Most  likely  we  know  the  exact  pattern  of  our 
dress,  and  view  it  as  the  most  becoming  and  imexceptionable 
fashion  that  ever  prevailed,  unless  we  reserve  that  pre-eminence 
for  the  dress  we  wore  when,  as  Froissart  says,  "  the  fine  spark 
of  love  "  was  first  lighted  in  some  one's  heart. 

We  don't  quite  so  well  know  when  we  fall  into  that  state 
which  some  people  call  "gone  in."  Nay,  there  is  generally  no 
going  in  for  a  happy  wife,  so  long  as  her  husband  lives  and 
holds  bis  place,  nor  for  the  mother  of  daughters  who  is  needed 
to  be  their  chaperon.  Indeed,  to  an  agreeable  woman,  of  some 
tact,  the    only  limit  to  enjoyment  of   society  is  her  strength 


GOING  i:t.  313 

and  spirits.  If  she  can  talk  well,  and  not  too  much,  and  ia 
cheerful  and  lively,  she  will  he  sure  of  a  welcome  till  she 
hecomes  like  the  old  woman  in  the  Servian  proverb,  who  gave  a 
dollar  to  go  to  the  fair,  and  would  have  given  twenty  to  get 
away  from  it. 

But  it  is  not  the  enjoyment  of  society  that  I  meant  when 
I  chose  this  title,  so  much  as  that  ridiug  on  the  crest  of  the 
wave,  and  then  beginning  to  fall  below  it,  which  must  befall 
many  of  us.  Henry  Taylor,  in  one  of  the  wonderful  epigram- 
matical  lines  of  Philip  van  Artevelde,  has  told  us  that 

*'  Success  but  signifies  vicissitude ;  ** 

and  Sir  Arthur  Helps,  in  an  eloquent  passage  in  that  poem-like 
book  on  the  Spanish  Conquest  of  America — which,  alas  !  he 
never  reprinted — spoke  of  the  pale  phantom  that  follows  close 
in  the  wake  of  hope  accomplished,  "Make  my  day-dreams 
earnest,"  has  been  chosen  as  a  motto,  and  we  believe  that  in 
many  and  many  a  case  such  day-dreams  have  become  earnest, 
only  in  some  way  very  different  from  what  imagination  had 
painted.  The  things  that  seemed  the  wildest  dreams  of  felicity 
are  taking  place  in  sober  sadness,  and  not  more  delightful  than 
"  sailing  upon  a  cloud  "  proved  to  the  young  lady  in  "  Uncle 
Peter's  Fairy  Tale."  The  girl  who  dreamt  of  converting  the 
heathen,  marries  a  colonist,  and  finds  herself  surrounded  with 
black  or  brown  servants,  her  neighbours  declaring  that  the 
attempt  to  Christianize  them  destroys  aU  the  little  native  good 
there  is  in  them,  and  pointing  to  the  runaways  who  would 
not  endure  missionary  training  as  instances  of  the  truth  of  their 
words.  If  she  perseveres,  she  finds  her  natives  presume  and 
treat  her  as  a  sort  of  amateur  missionary,  and  her  mistakes  seem 
to  her  to  do  much  more  harm  than  her  efforts  do  good. 

Or  we  find  ourselves  in  the  very  station  with  the  exact  work 
growing  up  under  our  hand  that  we  devised  at  first,  or  the  plan 
of  our  heart  for  our  family  or  surroundings,  our  village  or  our 
own  children,  is  put  into  our  hands.  Sometimes  this  is  after 
long  endeavour,  sometimes  it  comes  suddenly  so  that  we  can 


314  .  WOMANKIND. 

hardly  "believe  it.  "We  toil  all  night  and  tate  nothiiig.  and  in  the 
morning  the  draught  of  fishes  is  given  to  us.  Sonic  indeed  are 
lacking  in  the  elements  of  success,  and  for  want  of  talent, 
presence  of  mind,  industry,  or  perseverance,  always  seem  to  be 
among  the  disappointed  ;  hut  among  those  who  have  the  general 
lot  of  man  or  woman,  there  seems  to  be  in  most  careers  a  time 
of  growth  and  subordination,  a  time  more  or  less  of  prosperity 
and  succes?,  and  a  time  ol  finding  oneself  superseded. 

And  it  is  of  this  that  1  wish  to  speak,  for  I  do  not  think  it 
is  a  trial  on  which  people  reckon,  and  it  is  one  which  comes 
often  of  their  very  success. 

There  was  a  generation  that  built  schools  and  toiled  hard  to 
teach  them  reading,  Catechism  and  needlework.  Another  genera- 
tion grew  up  and  called  for  arithmetic  and  writing,  geography 
and  grammar.  Some  there  were  who  saw  they  had  made  a 
stepping-stone,  and  that  others  were  mounting  on  it.  Others 
declared  that  no  good  servants  would  ever  be  found  again,  and  that 
maids  would  spend  their  time  in  writing  letters  to  their  sweet- 
hearts, and  these  did  all  in  their  power  to  obstruct  the  change. 

This  is  but  an  instance,  and  it  is  pretty  well  a  matter  of  the 
past;  I  mention  it  to  show  that  we  enjoy  progress  as  long  as  we 
go  along  with  it,  but  that  there  often  comes  a  time  when  the 
progress  gets  beyond  us.  And  then  !  Are  we  to  be  drags, 
or  stumbling-blocks,  or  tf<  throw  ourselves  out  of  the  course 
altogether  ? 

Take  another  instance.  We  may  have  had  some  standard  of 
culture  which  we  would  fain  have  attained  to.  We  have  worked 
and  toiled  up  to  it,  and  sorely  felt  the  disadvantages  which  kept 
us  back.  Our  daughters,  or  the  young  people  connected  with  us, 
shall  not  suffer  in  the  same  way.  We  lavish  on  them  what  wo 
would  have  given  worlds  to  have  obtained  at  their  age.  They 
take  it  as  a  matter  of  course,  and  perhaps  when  they  are  grown 
up,  we  find  that  it  trammelled,  vexed  and  impeded  them  ;  or 
even  if  they  have  accepted  and  loved  it,  that  they  want  to  shoot 
far  ahead  of  what  we  ever  dreamt  of. 

The  book  that  was  to  us  a  discovery  and  revelation,  a  land- 


GOING   IS.  315 

mark  in  the  history  of  onr  minds,  is  turned  over  with  a  smile  as 
something  dull  and  of  the  old  world,  a  sort  of  specimen  of  what 
people  used  to  like.  Are  these  impertinent  young  things  right  or 
wrong  1  Or  are  they  impertinent  at  all,  and  are  we  the  ones 
in  the  wrong  ? 

"What  shall  we  say  ?  Each  generation  must  think  for  itself ; 
and  each  will  best  love  all  that  was  the  achievment  of  its  prime. 
The  power  of  sympathy,  with  what  lies  behind  us  and  what 
advances  beyond  us,  is  very  different  in  diiferent  persons.  Some 
young  people  treat  all  that  their  elders  thought  or  did  as  old- 
world  rubbish,  barely  tolerate  their  mothers,  and  openly  contemn 
their  aunts.  These  wiU  advance  the  shortest  distance  of  all, 
and  be  the  very  first  to  be  stranded  and  left  behind  breathless, 
grumbling  and  scolding  at  the  wave  which  passes  beyond  them, 
for  their  powers  and  sympathies  are  the  shallowest  and  weakest. 

Others  have  a  deep  love  of  the  past,  and  strike  their  roots  far 
down ;  they  honour,  and  feel  with,  those  who  have  built  the  steps 
on  which  they  stand,  and,  striking  a  just  balance  between  old 
efforts  and  new  culture,  life's  experiences  and  hope's  intuitions, 
let  themselves  be  guided  so  far  that  their  own  spring  forward 
is  the  longer  and  more  secure,  and  their  power  of  going  along 
with  the  coming  generation  is  much  greater. 

Love  and  loyalty  complicate  aU.  this  a  good  deal,  especially 
where  there  is  more  affection  than  intellect.  Many  widows 
crystallise  just  where  their  husbands  left  them,  and  make  "  your 
poor  dear  papa  "  a  dreary  warning  to  their  sons  and  daughters, 
who  are  apt  to  think  that  had  he  been  alive,  he  might  have  gone  on 
with  the  age,  and  never  objected  to  their  doings.  Other  women's 
faith  is  pinned  on  son  or  nephew,  who  can  do  no  wrong  in  their 
eyes.  And  in  religious  matters,  almost  every  woman  fixes  on  the 
level  to  which  she  was  carried  by  the  clergyman  whose  work 
told  most  upon  her,  and  whose  ideas  she  has  striven  to  carry 
out.  Everything  unlike  the  model  of  her  best  days  must  be 
amiss. 

Changes  are  not  always  for  the  better,  and  the  loss  of  autho- 
rity and  influence  is  often  rendered  trying  by  the  reversal  of 


316  WOMANKIND. 

what  has  heon  achieved  with  strong  effort.  A  frivolous  dan,{?hter- 
in-law,  or  one  full  of  mischievous  "  science,  falsely  so-called  " 
will  come  in  with  a  high  hand  and  overthrow  all  the  well- 
considered  model  arrangements  of  her  mother-in-law,  disposing 
of  them  as  "  goody."  The  widow  and  daughters  of  the  last 
incumbent  may  see  all  overthrown  which  they  accomplished 
with  self-sacrificing  labour  of  love,  and  to  which  they  cling  the 
more  for  tlie  sake  of  "a  voice  that  is  stilL"  Whether  advanced 
or  retrograde,  it  is  almost  equally  hard  to  them  not  to  look  on 
the  alteiation  as  well-nigh  sacrilege.  It  is  natural  to  most  women 
to  be  like  poor  Caroline  Herschel  when  Lord  Eosse's  telescope 
made  her  long  to  say,  "  Der  Maan  ist  eia  Narr." 

Or  our  pet  institution  becomes  a  little  too  onerous  for  us,  and 
we  call  in  a  youthful  helper ;  we  go  away  for  a  holiday,  and 
behold  1  we  find  everything  developed  and  altered  in  an  astonish- 
ing way,  and  when  we  look  round  for  sympathotic  indignation 
at  the  unauthorised  novelty,  we  find  every  one  thinking  that  it 
is  a  great  improvement ! 

It  is  not  apt  to  be  a  safe  state  of  mind  for  the  middle-aged 
when  the  word  "  new-fangled  "  often  rises  to  their  lips.  But 
what  is  to  be  done  1  Are  we  to  yield  to  the  dislike,  and  do  our 
utmost  to  prevent  innovation  ?  are  we  to  retire  murmuring  and 
either  piteous  or  ironical  1  or  are  we  to  go  on  with  the  stream 
against  our  judgment  % 

The  question  needs  to  be  faced,  for  if  we  live  long  enough, 
the  setting  aside  is  sure  to  come,  either  by  the  death  of  him  in 
whose  right  our  authority  was  exercised,  by  the  marriage  of  a 
son,  by  removal,  by  failure  of  health,  or  by  being  outgrown  by 
the  spirit  of  the  time. 

Eemoval  does  save  a  great  deal  of  pain  and  perplexity.  It 
is  much  wiser  and  safer  in  most  cases  for  the  incumbent's 
widow  to  leave  the  parish  while  her  grief  is  fresh,  and  the  pain 
of  removing  is  lost  in  the  greater  pain.  She  had  better  not 
expose  herself,  and  perhaps  her  family,  to  the  difficulty  and  trial 
'if  seeing  a  new  rule,  and  to  the  temptation  of  trying  to  keep 
'jhe  allegiance  of  the  parishioners.     Human  nature  is  too  weak 


GOING   IN.  317 

not  to  like  toliear  regrets  and  murmurs  on  nnavoidaHe  changes, 
and  heartburnings  and  evils  may  be  prepared  for  ever.  If  the 
new  incumbent  does  nothing  worse  than  cut  down  the  shrubs 
in  the  parsonage  garden,  that  is  still  vexatious ;  and  it  is  scarcely 
possible  that  any  two  people  should  be  cast  in  so  exactly  the  same 
mould  as  that  they  should  follow  on  precisely  the  same  lines. 
Small  matters  of  detail  fret  women  much  more  than  they  do 
men,  and  this  is  one  cause  of  the  proverbial  difficulties  between 
relations  "in  law." 

The  widowed  mother  and  sisters  have  a  trying  time  when  the 
bride  is  brought  home,  and  the  home  is  no  longer  their  own. 
Sisters  often  feel  with  all  the  acuteness  of  youth,  not  only  the 
coming  into  a  secondary  place  in  their  brother's  affections,  but 
the  deposition  from  being  the  daughters  of  the  house.  The 
young  ones  suffer  a  good  deal,  and  feel  themselves  much  to  b«3 
pitied,  but  while  they  are  young  and  fresh,  and  can  begin  again 
they  can  bear  it.  It  is  far  worse  to  the  mother,  who  is  often  so 
calm,  tender,  and  sweet,  that  they  sometimes  think  mamma 
does  not  care,  and  have  some  theory,  that  as  she  was  not  bom  in 
the  old  house,  she  cannot  feel  the  change  as  they  do.  She  heeds 
herself  so  little  that  she  really  thinks  it  is  so,  and,  in  the  fulness 
of  her  love,  actually  believes  them  the  most  to  be  pitied. 

"Withdrawal  and  self-effacement,  to  leave  the  field  free  for 
a  new-comer,  are  actual  duties  for  the  sake  of  peace;  and 
therewith,  if  we  still  remain  in  the  immediate  neighbourhood, 
an  abstinence  from  murmuring,  or  criticism,  or  jealousy.  It  is 
a  strange  thing  to  say,  but  if  the  alteration  be  absolutely  very 
much  for  the  worse,  our  task  is  really  the  less  subtly  difficult. 
It  is  the  broad  duty  of  forgiveness  and  forbearance,  chiefly 
complicated  by  experiments  in  remonstrance,  and  endeavours  to 
maintain  the  right  without  making  a  breach — or  by  holding 
back  the  zeal  of  over-warm  partizans.  One  useful  rule  under 
this  form  of  trouble  is  never  to  take  notice  of  what  is  only 
brought  before  us  by  hearsay,  not  by  our  own  personal  know- 
ledge. Of  course  it  is  the  saddest  of  these  trials,  and  can  only 
be  borne  by  patience  and  prayer,  which  will  help  through  the 


318  WOMANKIND. 

details,  even  tliat  of  seeing  the  deterioration  of  character  in  ont 
best  loved,  and  having  to  remeraber  the  saying  about  the  child 
of  so  many  prayers. 

Or  there  is  that  overthrow  of  well-arranged  plans  that  conies 
to  some  when  they  are  in  full  work.  Some  blast  of  evil 
influence,  some  strong  worldly  attraction,  some  popular  prejudice, 
or  some  tyrannical  requisition  of  our  ground,  may  upset  our 
doings  just  when  from  age,  or  health,  or  want  of  means  we  can- 
not reconstruct  or  reconquer  the  fabric  lost,  and  we  have  to 
leave  off  with  failure  stamped  on  our  labour!  Is  it  all  ff.ilure? 
A  great  deal  of  it  is.  The  higher  our  aim,  the  greater  will 
be  our  sense  of  failure,  Moses  left  off  with  a  sense  of  failure,  so 
did  David,  so  did  Elijah,  so  did  Josiah  and  Jeremiah,  yea,  and 
even  the  mission  of  the  Greatest  was  outwardly  like  failure,  and 
ever  since,  as  well  as  before,  His  coming,  His  true  servants  have 
been  most  victorious  when  most  disappointed.  Did  St.  Athanasius 
fail,  though  five  times  exiled  !  Did  St.  Augustine  fail,  though  the 
Vandals  were  sweeping  away  his  Church  when  he  closed  his  eyes  1 
Did  St.  Chrysostom  fail,  when  he  died  on  his  weary  journey  1 
Our  efforts  and  our  failures  are  not  like  these,  but  like  these  they 
are  not  to  be  gauged  by  visible  prosperity.  If  the  outward, 
material  institution  be  lost,  the  seed  sown  in  it  may  be  in  the 
heait,  and  bear  its  fruit  in  many  a  place  we  never  heard  of. 

But  there  is  another  trial,  that  of  seeing  greater  success  than 
our  own  achieved  by  plans  which  we  do  not  thoroughly  approve, 
and  think  hollow  and  fallacious.  We  are  expected  to  admire, 
and  it  seems  like  jealousy  if  we  do  not.  Seems  ?  It  is  our  great 
trouble  and  difficulty  that  we  do  not  feel  at  all  sure  whether  our 
distrust  and  distaste  is  not  absolutely  envy,  hatred,  and  malice. 
For  we  do  certainly  feel  gratified  and  triumphant  at  any  report 
of  the  failure  of  the  new  arrangements,  and  are  sure  such  things 
never  happened  in  our  time. 

If  we  have  striven  to  keep  our  minds  open,  we  shall  be  much 
better  able  to  judge  of  things  on  theu"  own  merits  than  as  they 
affect  our  prejudices  or  self-importance.  Strong  faith  and  strong 
principle  are  not  illiberal ity,  though  some  may  teU  us  so.     Let 


GOING  IN.  319 

US  talre  the  Creed,  and  the  duty  of  God  and  our  neighbour,  as 
our  stand-point,  by  which  to  judge  of  the  right  or  wrong  of 
what  comes  before  us,  and  we  shall  not  find  that  every- 
thing is  necessarily  mischievous  because  we  never  thought  of  it 
before.  "  Prove  all  things."  Let  us  do  our  very  best  to  object 
only  to  what  we  see  to  be  actually  wrong  ;  or  if  we  think  it  rash 
or  silly,  and  yet  it  succeeds  before  our  eyes,  let  us  struggle  and 
strive  to  rejoice  with  those  who  have  made  it  answer,  and  be 
candid  enough  to  own  ourselves  mistaken,  instead  of  sitting  by 
croaking  and  hoping  for  some  misadventure  to  prove  our  own 
sagacity.  If  we  can  sympathize,  and  we  generally  may,  at  least 
with  the  zeal  and  good  intention,  may  be  our  experience  will  be 
consulted  and  valued,  as  it  never  will  if  we  follow  the  propensity 
of  the  mortified  to  become  birds  of  evil  omen.  A  welding  together 
of  the  new  and  old  is  the  thing  needful,  not  that  the  old  should 
treat  everytmng  new  as  trumpery  and  mischievous,  and  the 
young,  everything  old  as  worn  out  and  ridiculous.  It  has  been 
the  strength  and  glory  of  England  that  she  has  built  on  her  old 
foundations  instead  of  sweeping  them  away  ;  but  when  we  pass 
the  bound  of  our  own  youth,  we  have  to  bear  in  mind  that  it  is 
narrow  intolerance,  on  the  part  of  the  elder  generation,  which 
provokes  the  younger  into  a  general  overthrow  as  soon  as  they 
have  the  power. 

The  review  in  the  Literary  Clmrchman  of  the  Idylls  of 
the  King  drew  forth  a  beautiful  moral,  namely,  that  Arthur  had 
made  the  Eound  Table  his  ideal  of  the  perfection  of  manhood 
and  knighthood,  and  for  that  very  reason  arose  the  quest  of 
the  Sane  Greal,  leading  above  and  beyond,  and  breaking  up  the 
Round  Table,  to  the  grief  and  sorrow  of  Arthur.  And  it  is 
this  which  befalls  every  generation  unless  they  live  in  an  age 
of  decadence,  A  Quest  will  rise  out  of  their  Eound  Table, 
Their  juniors  wiU  not  rest  vvath  their  idea  of  perfection,  but 
will  strain  on  to  something  beyond,  and  more  their  own.  It 
will  often  seem  to  spoil  and  break  up  the  older  scheme.  That 
which  was  the  vision  of  youth,  and  of  which  fruition  has 
barely  come,  is  viewed  with  patronising  pity  as  a  mere  first 


320  WOMANKIND. 

essay,  and  the  Ippsoti  of  good  humour  we  learnt  when  onr  towora 
of  wooden  bricks  were  overthrown,  that  the  younglings  might 
use  their  materials,  was  so  long  ago  that  it  is  hard  to  recall  it, 
especially  when  we  see  many  a  flaw  in  the  new  structure,  and 
apprehend  many  more ;  but  the  very  same  qualities  have  to 
be  called  into  play,  unselfishness  and  candour.  If  we  can 
only  eliminate  self  and  get  rid  of  personal  feeling,  we  shall  bo 
able  to  judge  much  more  fairly  whether  our  knights  have  gone 
off  after  a  Sane  Greal  or  a  phantom — a  Una  or  a  Duessa, 

Generally  this  candour  and  generosity  comes  more  readily  to 
men  than  to  women,  to  principals  than  to  subordinates,  because 
they  have  larger  and  fuller  views,  and  can  better  see  the 
imperfections  of  their  work.  A  man  will  take  disappointment, 
neglect,  and  even  injustice  in  a  brave  patient  way,  allowing  for 
the  needs  that  have  led  to  his  being  superseded  or  set  aside, 
when  his  wife  will  fill  the  world  with  her  complaints  and  feel 
bitterly  slights  he  has  forgiven,  or  he  will  sympathize  with  the 
changes  and  opinions  of  a  younger  generation  in  a  way  she  can- 
not understand.  She  fancies  him  to  be  almost  false  to  his  own 
colours  when  he  approves  the  changes  which  are  the  natural  out- 
come of  his  own  doings.  If  it  be  the  other  way,  and  he  is  grieved 
and  resentful,  either  openly  or  privately,  she  is  pretty  sure  to  feel 
with,  him ;  but  if  she  can  help  him  to  patience  and  forbearance, 
instead  of  stirring  up  the  vexation  by  her  own  murmurs  and 
gossipings,  it  wUl  be  generally  happier  and  better  for  both. 

Eut  men  are  seldom  set  aside  while  their  health,  strength, 
and  vigour  remain  to  them,  and  their  wives  generally  retain 
full  possession  of  their  position  and  influence  as  long  as 
they  live.  It  is  widowhood  that  sometimes  brings  the 
changes — sometimes  simply  the  being  outrun  and  surpassed  in 
progress  as  oux  breath  gets  shorter  and  our  enterprise  less 
ardent. 

Well,  what  is  our  part  1  Surely  to  try  to  be  helpers  to  the 
best  of  our  abilities.  There  will  be  some  who  lag  behind,  and 
who  will  still  be  glad  of  a  helping  hand,  and  to  whom  our  old- 
fashioned  aid  may  be  valuable.     And  if  we  endeavour  to  be 


GOING  III.  321 

kind  and  frionrlly,  nnderstanding  the  ptirport  of  tlie  novoltios, 
and  grantiug  the  good  in  them,  we  shall  get  our  counsel  listened 
to,  and  may  bring  about  that  happiest  union  of  "  fervent  old  age 
and  youth  serene  "  which  is  symbolised  by  our  grey  old  Gothic 
buildings  mantled  by  their  green  creepers. 

Yes,  but  when  we  are  elderly,  and  not  old,  we  don't  seem  to 
attain  these  venerable  graces.  Indeed,  we  olten  do  not  feel  our- 
selves ageing,  and  we  are  surprised  and  half  affronted  when  our 
contemporaries  are  called  by  the  young  old  ;  and  for  ourselves, 
we  are  half  diverted,  half  saddened,  by  finding  that  we  have 
come  in  for  the  same  epithet. 

Often  this  youth  fulness  of  heart  and  spirits  will  last  us  on 
to  the  end.  Even  influence  sometimes  does,  either  from 
circumstances  or  character ;  but  where  it  passes  away  our  effort 
must  be  to  take  things  patiently,  unmurmuringly,  and  humbly, 
and  to  endeavour  to  feel  that  if  our  occupation  is  taken  away 
it  is  to  give  us  time  for  the  quieter  meditation  and  devotion  for 
which  a  more  active  life  has  left  less  space. 

Open  air,  cold  water,  active  usefulness  and  habits  of 
locomotion,  have  pretty  well  destroyed  the  danger  of  falling 
into  the  stuffy  spinster,  the  scandal-monger  of  the  country 
town. 

But  it  is  quite  possible  still  to  fall  into  ways  that  have  very 
little  more  to  be  said  for  them.  A  resolute  determination  still 
to  affect  youth,  externally ;  or  again,  dUigent  cultivation  of  some 
form  of  bad  health,  or  anything  that  puts  us  out  of  real 
sympathy  with  the  younger  generation,  and  fixes  our  attention 
on  ourselves,  our  grievances  and  our  comforts,  is  a  form  of  this 
dangerous  elderliness — dangerous,  because  it  is  letting  the  heart 
go  to  sleep. 

It  seems  to  me  that  the  way  to  go  through  this  elderly  period, 
when  our  strength  and  power  have  not  failed  us,  but  our  vigour 
and  enterprise  have,  and  the  young  are  getting  a  little  impatient 
of  us,  is  to  recollect  that  whatever  drops  from  us  here  should  be 
so  much  taken  away  from  between  us  and  our  view  of  heaven. 
If  we  are  becoming  less  necessary  here,  it  is  surely  that  the 


322  WOMANKIND. 

links  and  'bonds  of  our  earthly  life  may  fall  away,  and  our  gaze 
upwards  be  clearer  and  steadier. 

To  see  the  truth  and  take  it  cheerfully  is  wisdom,  and  if  wo 
find  ourselves  shelved  before  our  time,  it  is  well  to  recollect  that 
after  all  we  were  but  God's  instruments,  and  that  He  knows 
best  whether  we  are  blunted  or  not. 

K"ay,  our  neighbours  may  know  what  we  do  not.  The 
Archbishop  of  Cordova  thought  that  his  best  sermon  which  Gil 
Bias  was  forced  to  declare  "seiitait  un  peu  I'apoplexie"  and  it 
may  be  best  to  take  a  hint  in  all  humility. 

"  A  calm  undressing,  waiting  .^ilently,"  is  the  best  thing  that  can 
befall  us  as  well  as  the  trees.  And  though  it  is  pleasanter  to  give 
things  up  than  have  them  taken  away,  let  us  remember  that  we 
are  "never  so  safe  as  when  our  will  fields  luidisceiiied  by 
aU  but  God." 


CHAPTER  XXXY. 

OLD    AGE. 

These  cliapters  would  hardly  be  complete  without  a  few 
words  on  old  age,  and  yet  it  seems  presumptuous  to  write  on 
such  a  topic.  "We  all  have  a  dim  idea  of  wishing  for  life,  yet 
we  all  dread  extreme  old  age,  and  we  rest  with  hope  on  the 
instances  we  know  of  lively  and  active  persons  of  a  great  age 
who  preserve  their  spirits  and  faculties  to  the  very  last,  and  are 
the  pride  and  delight  of  all  around  them. 

Where  the  trials  of  eldeiliness  have  either  been  unfelt  or 
safely  weathered,  the  earlier  years  of  old  age  are  often  very 
pleasant  and  happy  ones.  The  land  of  Beulah  has  been 
leached,  the  rest  and  absence  of  responsibility  are  refreshing, 
the  health  often  improves,  and  where  there  are  grandchildren, 
they  are  a  renewal  of  all  the  joys  of  motherhood  without  its 
cares  and  troubles. 


OLD    AGS.  323 

The  little  annoyances  because  mamma  brin-:;s  tlicm  np  with 
some  points  of  her  system  diametrically  opposite  to  those  of 
the  last  generation — gives  jam  instead  of  butter,  tea  instead  of 
boiled  milk,  and  the  like,  have  passed  off.  Mother-in-law  and 
Haughter-in-law  have  agreed  to  dififer,  and  after  the  fret  of 
cldciliness,  the  calm  acquiescence  of  age  has  begun. 

It  may  be  t^afer  to  say,  it  ought  to  have  begun.  As  a  looker 
on,  with  due  heed  to  one's  own  part,  it  seems  to  me  that  as  age 
advances  it  is  wise  to  endeavour  as  much  as  possible  not  to 
volunteer  interferences  not  absolutely  needed.  When  referred 
to,  experience  may  well  be  made  useful,  but  even  while  health 
and  bodily  activity  last,  there  is  a  certain  drawing  apart  and 
self-consecration  in  some  old  people,  which  seems  above  all 
things  venerable  and  beautiful.  They  seem  to  live  already  in 
a  soft  halo  of  heavenly  light,  ready  to  interest  themselves 
kindly  in  what  concerns  us,  but  their  minds  and  thoughts 
chiefly  occupied  with  the  home  that  they  are  Hearing,  "  the 
Land  of  the  Leak" 

If  there  is  not  this  drawing  apait  and  making  ready,  if  there 
be  a  struggle  to  be  young,  and  to  clutch  to  the  utmost  at  the 
sports,  the  occupations,  the  gains,  the  society  of  middle  life, 
there  is  what  may  be  called  the  physi'jal  danger  of  a  sudden 
collapse  from  the  overstrain,  followed  by  a  miserable  mechani- 
cal effort  to  go  on  in  the  same  grooves  ;  and  there  is  the  far 
greater  danger  involved  in  the  having  loved  the  world  to  the 
last,  and  never  having  turned  with  the  whole  heart  and 
unclouded  faculties  to  God.  And  as  the  force  of  mind  and 
body  lessen,  the  old  tendencies,  kept  in  check  by  custom  or  regard 
to  opinion,  get  the  mastery,  such  as  querulousness  or  peevish- 
ness, hasty  exertions  of  authority  from  a  piteous  doubt  whether 
it  can  still  be  exercised,  apparent  avarice  from  the  want  of 
power  to  judge  of  expenditure,  terrible  distrust  of  others  and 
their  motives,  constant  self-assertion,  alienating  all,  and  then 
resenting  their  standing  aloof. 

Oh,  mournful  condition  !  And  yet  may  it  not  await  any  one 
of  us  1    *'  Forsake   me  not,  0  God,  in  mine  age,  when  I  am 


324  WOMANKIND. 

grey-headed."  Tho='e,  as  far  as  we  can  see,  wliom  God  does 
preserve  from  this  state,  are  those  who  have  guarded  theiusalves 
carefully  through  life  from  giving  way  to  petulant  emotions, 
and  have  tried  to  live  in  the  love  and  fear  of  God,  not  only 
doing  obvious  outward  duty,  but  making  communion  with 
God  rest  and  joy.  Those  who  thus  live  may  hope  to  realise 
the  lines, 

'*H'or  shall  dull  age,  as  worldlings  say, 
The  heavenward  flame  annoy  ; 
The  Saviour  cannot  pass  awaj-. 
And  with  Him  lives  our  joy.** 

Surely  it  is  well  to  pray  for  such  an  old  age,  if  ago  is  to  be 
our  portion.  Wo  are  in  God's  Hands,  and  know  not  whether 
we  may  be  meant  to  pass  away  with  full  consciousness,  joy,  and 
hope  to  the  end,  or  whether  there  may  beatimeof  helplessness, 
with  shattered  facultie-!  that  shut  us  up  from  intercourse  with 
our  fellows,  or  of  broken  mind,  without  povver  of  comprehen- 
sior  or  expression.  We  cannot  guess.  The  approaches  to  the 
dark  river,  whether  we  come  to  it  in  youth  or  age,  are  often 
shrouded  in  mist,  where  no  eye  can  follow.  We  only  remem- 
ber how  our  dear  ones  have  seemed  to  be  drifted,  drifted  away 
out  of  our  reach.  We  think  of  the  awful  truth,  ",/e  monrrax 
seul."  We  dread  to  think  whether  there  be  any  awful  conflict, 
while  doctors  tell  us  there  is  no  consciousness  at  all,  and  we  turn 
back  to  the  one  trust,  "  Thy  rod  and  Thy  staff  comfort  me." 
And  oh  !  that  we  may  lay  up  in  store  many  entreaties  not  iu 
vain.  "  In  the  hour  of  death  and  in  the  Day  of  Judgment, 
Good  Lord,  deliver  us." 

Before  concluding  I  must  take  a  few  sentences  on  old  age 
from  Madame  Neckar.  "  Old  age  requires  from  women  two 
qualities,  dignity  and  humility.  Both,  for  different  cau-es,  call 
for  much  self-restraint.  Dignity  is  the  attribute  of  an  im- 
mortal being,  already  in  thought  inhabiting  its  future  abode, 
and,  as  it  feels  its  wings  expanding,  slightly  valuing  things  here 
below.      Humility   becomes    the    feeble    woman,    now    more 


OLD   AGE. 


325 


liepenclent   tlian  ever,  judging   herself  inferior  to  her  hopes, 
and  only  ksistiu^  for  their  realisation  to  merits  not  her  owa. 


"  The  atmosphere  of  old  age  ought  to  he  quietude,  the  result 
of  selflessness  and  softening.  When  this  restf  ulness  is  gained, 
it  is  possible  to  be  of  much  use  without  thinking  about  it.  There 
is  an  example  set,  an  influence  exercised,  the  thoughts  that  are 
uttered  have  weight,  and  good,  impressions  are  scattered  around. 
When  there  haslong  been  perfect  agreement  between  a  mother  and 
those  around  her,  her  last  days  are  full  of  sweetness.  She  likes  to 
see  the  wheels  of  the  machine  she  wound  up  going  along 
without  needing  her  hand ;  and  indeed  it  sometimes  seems  to 
her  as  if  her  spirit  had  passed  the  bcim  Is  of  earth,  and  were 
looking  down  from  above. 

"  Acquiescence  in  the  consequences  of  old  age  is  a  necessary 
condition  in  such  repose.  A  woman  who  is  submissive  to  the 
will  of  God  accepts  the  various  eftects  of  the  decline  of  life 
without  too  much  anticipation  of  them.  Thus  she  accepts  both 
the  yoke  of  dependence,  and  the  necessity  of  receiving  everything 
from  those  she  loves,  without  having  anything  to  give  them  in 
return.  She  even  accepts  the  idea  of  becoming  to  them  an 
object  of  duty  as  much  as  of  affection.  If  she  could  go  so  far 
as  not  to  wish  for  that  ardour  of  affection  which  must  so  soon 
cost  them  tears,  she  would  have  overcome  the  last  weakness  of 
a  woman's  heart. 

"  Thus,  detached  already,  yet  still  loving,  her  tender  participa- 
tion in  the  sentiments  of  her  kindred  does  not  prevent  her  from 
feeling  that  she  has  herself  only  one  concern  left.  The  one  only 
concern  is  to  die  well,  to  die  in  hope,  with  sufficient  foretaste  of 
the  joy  on  the  other  side  of  the  river  to  cheer  the  crossing.  It 
seems  as  if  Divine  Coodness  had  taken  away  the  vigour  of 
activity  from  old  age  to  render  it  a  state  of  contemplation.  The 
Christian  woman,  as  we  would  think  of  her,  lives  in  the  future. 
All  her  earthly  aifections  have  a  heavenly  and  immortal  element ; 
uxd  in  spite  of  the  privations  she  experiences,  she  is  not  devoid 


326  WaMAKKIND. 

of  comfort,  or  even  of  joy.  The  dear  ones  around  Tier,  and  wlioso 
departure  she  has  mourned,  are  now  together  in  her  mind 
placed  as  it  were  in  the  Bosom  of  her  God.  Her  conversation, 
as  the  Apostle  says,  *  is  in  heaven.'  .  .  . 

"  Thus  she  patiently  endures  the  trials  that  may  still  he  in 
store  for  her.  The  decay  of  the  organs  of  sense  is  a  great  one. 
When  the  eyes  refuse  their  service  there  is  no  more  enjoyment 
in  nature,  no  more  consolation  in  the  Sacred  Books,  no  more 
solace  in  the  sight  of  dear  faces*  Such  a  misfortune  has  been 
made  illustrious,  and  blindness  has  had  its  poets;  but  who  has 
ever  been  able  to  glorify  deafness,  that  infirmity  which  breaks  off 
communication  between  souls.  Kothing  external  shows  its 
existence,  and  a  deplorable  state  of  isolation  is  little  pitied 
because  often  forgotten.  Ah  !  wh«n  this  misfortune  Avithtrs  the 
flower  of  life,  when  the  sweet  prattle  of  children  and  the  fond 
words  of  the  dearest  can  no  more  be  hearJ,  the  world  we  still 
loved  becomes  a  desert,  and  a  dc'^ert  peopled  with  delusiva 
phantoms  which  stray  around  us  but  never  speak  to  us.  Tet 
this  partial  death  is  a  preparation  for  real  death.  In  the 
universal  silence,  the  Voice  of  God  makes  itself  heard  by  the 
chastened  spirit.  *  I  will  lead  her  out  into  the  wilderness  and 
speak  comfortably  to  her.'  Ah  !  may  it  be  thus  with  us,  when 
we  go  down  into  the  last  shadows  I 

"  Sharper  pains  may  come  ;  but  are  there  any  that  a  lively  faith 
cannot  soften  1  Suffering  has  been  in  a  manner  made  divine 
by  our  blessed  Lord.  By  our  union  with  Him,  who  became  a 
Man  of  Sorrows  and  acquainted  with  grief,  a  heavenly  affection 
endows  us  with  patience.  "What  fellow  feeling  for  the  innocent 
weakness  of  mankind  is  expressed  in  the  words,  *  Jesus  wept.' 
*  Jesus  was  troubled  in  spirit.*  Jesus  knew  that  fainting,  fail- 
ing state,  when  the  cry  is,  'My  God,  my  God,  why  hast  Thou 
forsaken  me  "i "  Where  besides  can  be  found  such  experience 
of  trouble,  such  pity  for  the  poor  beings  who  are  undergoing  it  1 
And  what  a  blessing  it  is  that  there  is  a  sanctifying  power  in 
the  contemplation  of  our  own  sufferings  in  the  Saviour. 

"  Entire  trusting  ourselves  as  to  our  God  both  in  time  and 


OLD    AGE. 


327 


eternity,  fn  the  certainty  that  He  is  our  Father  and  willeth  onlj? 
what  is  good  for  His  children,  the  sense  tliat  Irle  sees  and  hears 
us,  and  can  always  respond  to  our  prayers — this  is  what  comforts 
and  sustains  us  as  long  as  we  breatlie.  This  is  wliat  inspires 
the  soul  on  the  point  of  departure  with  the  prayer,  at  once 
granted,  'Lord,  suffer  us  not  at  our  last  hour  for  any  pains 
of  death  to  fall  from  Thee.' " 

What  can  be  added  to  this  ?  Only  the  prayer  and  hope  that 
our  last  end  may  be  that  of  an  old  lady,  who,  after  years  spent 
in  her  bed,  was,  at  a  great  age,  sinking  away  from  this  world. 
Her  son,  when  leaving  her  in  the  evening,  said  he  hoped  she 
would  have  a  good  night.  "  0  yes,  I  am  sure  I  shall,"  said 
she,  "  I  shall  be  thinking  of  my  joyful  resurrection," 

"  When  he  lieth  down  his  sleep  shall  be  sweet." 
**  When  I  awake  up  after  Thy  likeness,  I  shall  be  satisfied 
with  it." 


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